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thank you for your reply
It's hard to discuss some issues with him about his daughter. Remember he is defensive when it comes to her. He has told me over and over she is first in his life and he lives for her. He's a great dad but he is so scared to make her be more responsible such as clean room...make her own bowl of cereal. When he ask her to clean her room she complains, cries and makes him help her...so, he does. I don't know what to do. It seems everytime he ask her to do something she becomes argumentive with "why" questions and sometimes pour on the tears to make him feel he's mistreating her. Im frustrated to no end. Like I said, his sister warned me in my early relationship with him that he spoils his daughter. She's ten and she makes him lay down at bedtime with her...she cant go to bed like normal children her age she has to have her dad with her. When he tells her to brush her teeth before bedtime she makes him brush with her. I never seen such. My children(who are grown) were cleaning their room...making their beds...had chores around the house but he doesn't make her cause she gets upset unless he helps her.
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geez, that's scary hearing the extreme to which the daughter controls the dad. Without her mom around, she is pouring all her emotional needs into Dad to be fulfilled. Sounds pretty needy, actually the both of them. Almost as if he can replace his need for what he is missing with the ex wife, with his daughter. Let me guess,.....she left him? Maybe he misses her if thats the case and daughter reminds him of her and so he lavishes anything she wants and will do whatever she says. Thats a whole parcel of trouble coming down the road which If I were you, I wouldn't want to be around to witness.
Young kids and teens who have no one parenting and setting boundaries, will use their control to get into all sorts of mischief.
Lets hope none of this comes to pass but easily I can see her dating and getting sexual early and pregnant,
or hanging out with the bad crowd and stealing, doing drugs, generally becoming a juvenile delinquent, or
With that un-natural bond between her and Dad, the two of them could possibly begin having sex together if she pushes herself hard enough on Dad, its an easy step from demanding he lay down for a while a bedtime, to that.
I am sorry to hear that it is this bad. You are definately never going to be the main lady in his life. He needs some serious counseling and parenting help but likely doesn't even see nor would admit he needed help.
After so much time with him, during which you probably hoped things would get better, I know that likely your heart got attached. As painful as it will be to part with him, it seems that it is very irritating to you now as is and the situation can become a different kind of painful shortly down the road if you stay. I guess you are in a situation of a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So you'll have to decide which pain and misery you'd rather live with, the parting ways which you will get over in time and the troubles with the out of control unhealthy relationship between dad and daughter which you will face for the next 8-10 or more years depending on how long she decides to live with Dad.
I truly feel badly for you. If you ever need someone to talk to dear, you can write me. Hope your Holidays are wonderful
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