HectorJr's advice column

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Q: how old do you think you have to be to babysit?

As the answer before me, that would be a reasonable age. Personally I can't pinpoint what a good age to 'babysit' is. I was left to take care after my two younger siblings at 10, which is around the same time I also began to take care of my newborn brother. Is 10 a good age? Probably not, but being 16 doesn't guarantee maturity and responsibility either... But I guess a good range would be 13 and on, depending on how much experience you have with younger siblings or other babysitting. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok I have a boyfriend and everything and I am afraid that he will want to kiss me. I don't have a problem with that. Its just my mom. She is VERY protective and if he does kiss me I am afraid that someone will tell her and she will get really mad. So What can I do. I have already talked to her and she said I am too young. :(
13/f No Smartasses either!

Well if he is your boyfriend and truly does love you, then definatley tell him all that you just wrote. Really, thats not too big of a problem, so I'm sure he would understand. Really, for a reason like that, there shouldn't be a problem. Don't expect the worst reaction from him either, like what if he was in your position and you wanted to kiss him...would you not like him if he explained all that to you? Of course not. So I say to tell him what you just wrote and to just wait for later, really, its not what should be a deciding factor for a relationship. Hope that helped and good luck. P.S. - Good things come to those who wait.

Q: ok well i want to know about how much is a sidekick 2 and how much is a sidekick. also what is different with them i heard sidekick1 doesnt have phone but it has internet. if i buy one of them do i have to pay bills or no bills like i just get it and i can use it when ever with no bills. also lets say i used 20 mins of internet and i could use 50 mins will it charge me for using the 50 mins that month cause that is what happened to my cell phone..... if you no anymore things about the sidekicks can you please tell me i rate 5s

My sister has a sidekick 2. Its a phone with instant messanger, email, and internet. The internet doesn't cost anything extra, like charged for how much you use it. You'll get the usual phone bills and what not depending how much you talk or don't. AIM and internet is included, as in you have the option to not have to pay for minutes or messages used...its actually not that expensive. I don't know if they still do sell the original sidekick, but the sidekick 2 is about 299.99, but theres like a 50 dollar rebate. Its also got a camera so thats cool. If you want more info go to www.tmobile.com then click on the tab that says PHONE on the side, then on top HANDHELDS. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Well, I LOVE middle school, but...its not the greatest. I'm not ugly, I've been out with a couple diff. guys the last few years, and I'm friends with regular/kinda popular/popular people. Although I'm not popular, and I'm not a geek. I have a feeling this year more guys are noticing me 'cause I've gone through some "look changes" as my friends call it, but I've heard that everyone has more fun/life gets better in High School.

I heard most guys get more mature, get done with puberty, etc, and girls get prettier, get nicer, get more mature, etc. Is it true? Does your life really get better in High School?

I'm just wondering. This question is really for anyone who's ever been trough public High School & Middle School. Thanks, everyone!

(13, 8th grade, yeah...)

Depends how you look at it and what you make of it. High school could be really great and a lot of fun...or it could be the worst ever. Don't expect it to be the worst ever either though. Really, if you do your work, don't get into trouble, not mean to anyone, and just try to have fun, then I don't see how high school couldn't be a blast. Now if you let it take over you and let people push you around and let everything bad said about you get to you and make you feel bad, and don't do your work, and get into trouble...then yeah it probably won't be great at all. So it's what you make of it. First off its new for everyone in your grade, so no you aren't the only one feeling nervous or on what to do or say or wear or anything. Hope that helped.

Q: Ok .. fer global ( history) i have to define and give an example with 5 characteristics of a Golden Age in history.. well he said we could look it up online but i cant find anything .. and so what would a good definiton to put in a paragraph be and whats an example i could google.. i dont want you to DO my homework for me .. but i dont have my book so i cant find anything i just need a definition and an example of a golden age in history (oh.. it cant be in the US .. other countries only )

China and Roman Empire.

I distinctly remember they clearly had a golden age period. You could try www.cia.org and look in the world book to see if they have anything for China, or India, but I'm not 100% sure on the one for India.

I think Rome's golden age began or ended around 27 A.D. I forget who it was under, but look around to see if you find something.

Well firstly what do you think a 'Golden Age' means? A time of prosperity of course. So try to find out what are some things that usually are important to a nation or country. Some are usually good economy, peace, etc. You get the idea. Hope that helped and good luck

Q: do guys hate it wen gurls upses over their hair? what do you like about gurls and what do you hate about girls? please BE SPECIFIC and i'll rate high!!

Well personally, I don't hate that. My sister does wake up... an hour and a half before the bus comes just to fix her hair and all that junk. Do I think its neccessary to put so much time into hair? No of course not. Especially when I'm sure even you have noticed that sometimes the less time you spend on it, the better it looks.

Lets start off with what I don't like about girls...I go to an all guys school, so I hear it all the time: guys saying they don't like girls who obsess about their appearence, especially weight wise. Not eating much or at all, putting on too much make up, always trying to impress with clothes and styles, etc etc. Really, most girls that think they are ugly or not good looking, actually are. Why try to work so hard on your appearence when thats not what you want somebody to like you for? And really, standing out by what you wear isn't always a good thing...especially when they catogorize you by it. Do you like guys who care too much about how they look and stuff like that? I'm guessing you don't, so a majority of guys don't like girls like that. Not saying you shouldn't care about your appearence, but don't over do it.

What I do like about girls? Well...they go through labor so we don't have to :) Haha I'm only kidding. I've actually noticed that most are commited to a relationship and usually do whatever it takes to show for it or keep it going, so I do like that. Hope that helped.

Q: im really sad..i feel like im not noticed by ANY of my friends..it seems like the dont like me...but i know they do..how can i be noticed more..in a good way? i dont want all the attension..just not too little either!!

I was...or still am in that situation. I'm guessing its the situation where...theres a group huddled around or sitting close talking about something? Well try to listen in, like just blend in. You don't have to say much. Maybe if everyone laughs join in, then say something about it, not stupid though. After someone tells a story, if you can tell a story of yours similar. Make a joke or two every once in a while. Ask the group, or just one on one questions like: hey what was for hw, did you catch that show on tv, what are you doing this weekend, etc. Don't feel that you have to say something or do something to get noticed, usually just being there and asking a few questions or talking to somebody in a group helps a lot. If thats not the case, then just get to know each one better. Teach them new things about yourself while learning others about them, just by asking a bunch of questions and sharing stories. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: i heard that giving compliments is the best way to meet the guy you like. what kind of compliment would be the best if you're giving it to a guy, and you're a girl? "cool shoes?"

anything that doesn't strike the other person as weird that i'm noticing their shoes or whatever.. please help!

Hmm. Well I'm a guy and that whole compliment thing might work. I usually don't get much except for my hair because its like an afro and you can stick pens in it and everything. Try the occasional 'Hah! Nice' if you see they do something interesting or out of the ordinary, or just trip.

As for compliments...You don't want to lie and stretch it out, like if a guy has a bad shirt on, go up and say: wow great shirt! That never works out. If they are wearing a nice shirt or shoes or w/e then say so. Don't compliment for the sake of conversation, if theres nothing worth it. Maybe a hairstyle they have? or even something they did/said. Whatever comes your way. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 5's go out to any honest suggestions!

I got an mp3 player gadget that can hold 2,500 songs, I'd like to put as many songs on it as possible. Problem is that even tho I like TONS of songs, I can only think of about 12 off the top of my head.

The only music that I really can't stand is death metal and country but I'm open up to any other suggestions you guys can share.

I want songs, not sites where I can get them, just songs. Please provide artist AND song title but it's not necessary to have both, just easier for me. THANKS for the time your time!

Since you like a little bit of everything, this might work out for you. Heres a few playlists and songs:

Noise and Confusion [Play at full volume and in this order]

1. Cold Hard Bitch - Jet
2. Downfall - Trust Company
3. You're So Danm Hot - OK Go
4. Way Away - Yellowcard
5. Rescue Me -Zebrahead
6. Out of Control - Hoobastank
7. I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
8. Hold On - Good Charlotte or Jet
9. Too Late - Still Naive
10.Gonna Leave You - Queens of the Stoneage
11.Heel Over Head - Puddle of Mudd
12.Play it Loud - MxPx
13.Shit Luck - Modest Mouse
14.Just Like You - Three Days Grace

Some Albums I recommend:

The Very Best of Cream - Cream
The Wall [1,2] - Pink Floyd
Legacy: The Best of the Doors - The Doors
Jump Back: The Best of the Rolling Stones - Rolling Stones
Holst: The Planets - London Symphony Orchestra
Songs About Jane - Maroon 5
Late Registration - Kanye West
Greatest Hits - The Offspring
X&Y - Coldplay

And a few extra to mix things up:

Darts of Pleasure - Franz Ferdinand
Amsterdam - Coldplay
Jerk It Out - Ceasers
Fire - Jimmi Hendrix
Lucky You - Lost Prophets

Hope that helped!

Q: Theres this New kid in my grade and i wanna talk to him and ask him questions and such but i dunno i have no idea how to start out. Me and my friends titled him a Bad Boy. So how should i get to know him?

Start out by simply saying: hey do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Nothing wrong with wanting to ask a few questions. It might seem a bit more polite to present yourself and say you'd like to ask questions, rather than just randomly asking him. Doesn't have to be personal stuff either. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 13 - Female
Me and My mom fight constantly. Wether its about the clothes I want to buy ( like their price ), the friends I hang out with,my cell phone, driving the golf cart around the neighborhood, how clean my room is, my grades, even what razor/shaving cream I want to use. We fight over everything. I`m not a bad kid, I don`t smoke or do drugs or get bad grades, but she treats my like I`m 5! What should I do, I hate that we fight all the time, she purposly says stuff to start a fight. ( Like she does things that she knows annoys me ! ) I`ll rate.

Don't let it get to you. Really, if you just let it go, I mean when you know you are right but don't tell her something just so she won't go off about it, then she can't charge you guilty for any fights you might have. Try not to let those feelings get to you, because later on in life, you'll appreciate it more if you never fought back and made life impossible for either of you. Try not to argue or fight back or anything, because you might say something that could lead to something bad, and living life with regrets is the worst. When you fight, try not to be too responsive to things that are said. If something she says gets to you, or you know is wrong, don't act on it right away, let her finish and continue. Take things in and try to figure out why those things are being said. Don't try to interuppt by correcting her or denying anything or stuff like that. You probably won't like doing that too much, but that would probably let her finish what she has to say a lot faster. No, I'm not saying not to talk to her at all either, just be careful of what you say, and be more of a listener than a corrector. I know, it will probably be tough at first, but it is something you could get used to...because it doesn't seem like arguing back and forth feels to great or has proved to make anything better.

To feel better, say to yourself what is right. Let her assume anything she wants. Defend yourself if you need to, but so long as you know the truth, thats all that really matters. If that doesn't help all that much, talk about it to somebody you trust. Don't need to get into details too much, or come up with solutions, but usually talking about it helps, even if its a little bit. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I don't know if I'm going through a phase or not, but I have just suddenly been feeling EXTREMELY self/consious.

I feel SO ugly, SO fat, SO unpopular, and everything else teenagers feel, except all at the same time. (And yeah, I've heard the "Don't worry about whats other think" routine.) I just hate myself. I hate the way I act, look, and am period. I dont think I'll EVER got a boyfriend that's actaully not a geek. I never felt this way before, but all these emotions are coming at me!!! What do I do?!?!?!

First off you don't let it get to you. See yourself for what you really are: don't put yourself on the throne or below the floor. Everyone has positives as well as negatives, some people have more than others. It all depends on how you are willing to see yourself or accept yourself. You may say to yourself: oh I don't like the way I look because I'm fat. Ask yourself: Am I really, or am I exaggerating? Is this really hurting me? Do I need to be better because I want to, or others do?

I think it could be a phase. I felt similar, it was very sudden, and lasted about...four years. No not saying you will too, but you might last just another week or even longer than me. What I learned is this: don't let it get to you. You have a lot more control of you than you think. You might not be able to control the way you feel about things when something is said or happens, but you can definatley control what you do about it or how you react. What do you do? List a bunch of things you do like about yourself, yes there are more than one. You'll just have to wait for the right guy to come around. If you can't control what emotions hit you, then control how you react to them, then it will be easier to deal with them. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: there were these kids today that were in my 4 th period class who were lookin at the picture of me and my boyfriend. to be honest he isnt the hottest thing out there but i really dont care i love my boyfriend to death. but they started diss him and sayin all this shit about him. they were sitting right behind me doin this and thought i was stupid and didnt noe what they were talkin about. can i turn that in for sexual harrassment? everything they said affended me and i got really sad and when i get sad i get quiet and that is what happened. i wanted to get up and hit ever single one of them and then show them what is so funny, but instead i thought it through and decided that they werent worth it so i ignored them and NOTHIN changed. they kept going and goin all period. (which was 30 mintuess left) here are my question:
1) could i turn them in for harrassment?
2) tomorrow if they start it again should i stand up and give them a piece of my mind?
3) do u think i should tell my boyfriend about this? (he doesnt go to my school)

p.s
i am a 14/f and a freshman

First off, Kudos on controlling yourself. It was the most sensible thing to do. Why? Because they might have been doing and saying all that to see how you would react, to get to you. If they realize it does get to you then they will obviously not stop. That also shows you are smarter than they are and not react so quickly.

If this continues, I think you should turn them in for harrassment. As for how you would do so...thats up to you.

Giving them a piece of your mind wouldn't be a bad idea, but it depends on how you go about it. Of course if you are, do it peacefully and calmly. Try not to show too much emotion, like pain or sadness; if they are doing this intentionally to hurt you, then you can't let them know they won. Ask them why they are doing and saying all those things.

Yes you should tell your boyfriend. He might not mind, but any and all relationships should be 100% open. Don't present it in a way to make it seem like you need him to do something about it. Tell him what they've said, what you think about it, how you feel, and that you don't care what they say because it won't change your mind.

Again, if you are going to do something about it, it doesn't have to be violent or big either. Simply telling them to stop or something might do. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I am often called evil for being an atheist. Why is it that christians who supposedly want to spread good will have no problem calling me an immoral godless person?

You are not evil for being atheist. Just like there are people who do good and are athiest or of any religion, so are there people who do wrong and are athiest or any other religion. Firstly, Christians should not be calling you an immoral godless person. Some are misled to believe that if you aren't Christian you will go to hell or something. That is not true. Don't take offence if they or others call you immoral. Chances are you could very well be more moral and do more good than they do. Being a certain religion, or not being one, does not entitle you to certain privlages and titles, although there are certain streotypes for some, which show that ignorance and stupidity.

Anyways, some people, reguardless of what they believe or don't, are narrow-minded. You seem to have encountered some people like that. Don't listen to them or anyone else. If you are a good person, then can they or anyone else really judge you for what you believe in or don't? So yeah, don't let any of that stuff get to you, or make sterotypes by saying 'all Christans do this' or 'anyone who believes in God says that'. Hope that helped.

Q: If you read this, Id like you to respond. And Id like you to post your age. Consider it a survey. Respond as briefly or as long-winded-ly as youd like, but please respond.

What is love to you? How do you define love? How do you tell when you are in love with someone?

Answer me these questions three and then we'll see what love means to thee!

Love is in some ways instinct. Nobody sits you down and teaches you what love is or how to love, but you already know how. You cannot define love, because love is infinite. It can be described the same exact way by 10 different people, but still be compltley different to them and how they feel.

Love is in some ways a neccessity. When doesn't somebody want to be loved? Most people find it easy to love those who love them...but the more difficult part would be loving those who don't love you back. Stop for one moment and ask yourself: where would you be in nobody loved you? Would you have been aborted? Would you have been adopted? Would you have a family or any of the things you have now? Love is essential, not just for survival, but for growing as well. The amount of love somebody receives, as well as how often or in what ways does actually affect a person's way of thinking. Thoughts lead to actions, which in turn leads to personality and quite possibily characteristics.

Love is not limited. You can love ice cream, your best friend, your spouse, your parents, and your pet dog; but all in the same way? Of course not. There are different levels and different ways of expressing each. Love does not always have to be mutual. You may love candy, but the candy won't love you back. Some person you don't get along with might love you, and you might not back. Therefore it is not limited to how much you love something or someone, or how you do so.

As for telling is you are in love with somebody? That's completley up to you. You know yourself better than anyone else. There isn't a set requirement for feelings that you need to have or a test you should pass to see if you really love somebody. The better question is not 'if', but 'why'. If you can answer why you think you may be in love with somebody, then you might find it easier to better answer the question 'if you are in love with somebody'. It may not be love after all, or it very much could be. You might be able to feel it (instinct), you might feel a desire for it (nessecity), and/or you might feel different variations of it (limitations). There is no set definition of what love is or how to express it. There are many positive ways as well as negative ways to express it, don't get me wrong. In many more ways, love is more than a feeling, a thought, a desire, or instinct. It's in its own group...

Q: Hey well theres this boy Ryan, hes kind of popular and stuff and im not really popular but im friends with some of the people so im kidna of "cool" stupid but whatever.. so some of the popular jocks just are dicks and dont like me, im sure everyone knows what i mean. well Ryans in my spanish class so i left him a comment on his picture on myspace, and he IMed me on aim and said hey thanks for the comment and i said yup no problem. later on he IMed me and didnt say anything he just said I LOVE YOU and i was like who doesntt ( thinkin it was his assholefriend) and he was like yep haha and i was liek this isnt ryan! and he said yeah it is then put an away message on a couple minutes later. he smiled at me during class the next day and i talked to him online that night and we talked then he ahd to go and said bye see you tmra and then he sed "luv yah" so i was like what the hell?.. i talked to him today and i said maybe we can hangout sometime and he saidd

ryans sn: yeah sure i dont care
ryans sn: just calll me
ryans sn: *** *** **** ( his number)

and i said i dont wanna make you if you dont wanna ! and i gave him my number and he was like ok cool are you goin to the football game tomorrow?
then i had to go and i said byee ttyl and he said bye luv ya.. so what do u think? what should i do because i can be shy expecially when i might think they might be mean or a dick cuz theyre like popular.. if hes at the game tmra what should i do? help pleasee thanks

Firstly, don't jump to any conclusions. This could all mean several things. One of them might be that he just wants to get to know you and that saying 'I love you' is just his way of saying: hey I like you and think you're cool. Ya know what I mean? It could also be that he really has been thinking about you and does love you. His way of saying something might not be what he wants you to think.

I say hang out with him once in a while, talk to him some more, just get to know him. He might be the type who would say that seriously or just say it out of habit with no real meaning attached. Don't expect much, or expect the worst either. So get to know him, how he thinks, all that. Hopefully its more than just his way of saying things and everything does go well. If not, thats ok, having him as a friend is still good. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 'Ello. I'm 13/m and I won't take any of that 13-year-olds-don't-know-how-to-love crap. So this is an easy 1 for all of you closed-minded people and jack@$$es who give idiot advice.

Eeneehoo, so there's this girl, and I love her a ton. I know it's not a crush, I can just feel it as right as 2+2 is 4. And it's the happiest feeling in the world. But it seems that I can never be happy!

Before I realized my feelings for her, and I just thought of her as one o' my best friends, I was perfectly content. Then it was bugging me that I couldn't bring myself to tell her how I felt. After I told her that I loved her, she told me that she just likes me as a friend, so then I was really depressed. Then after a while I started to dream about her every night, and one night I dreamt that I had asked her out, and considering I've never asked anyone out before, that was a frickin awesome dream. So I decided to ask her out in real life. I was faced wtih rejection---worst feeling in the world. Then a little bit later I found out that she already had an ex and a first kiss, and I felt jealousy. I'm just never satisfied. Especially not now. Now I'm looking back on everything. I know it's love... I don't give a damn about hot, or cute, or sexy. I know it's love. And I now know that love hurts. Is there any way to overcome this pain and misery, and just be satisfied? I've forgotten how I previously lived my life... I need to relearn how I processed! Please help! I'm so completely distraught!

Hey man first you have to relax. You're probably stressed and might find that difficult to do, but you need to. So you felt and love and got rejected. Is that the end of the world? Of course not! Chin up man. First I have to give you props on asking her out [I've been there before and know its not easy]. Secondly, you should move past it and look on the bright side. Say for example she did go out with you, but then after awhile things didn't go well and you broke up and one of you didn't want to talk to the other or something like that. How would you feel that you put a great friendship on the line and lost it all?

I find you would be happier if you remained good friends with her rather than lost her for a relationship. Relax and get it off your mind. How? Video games always picked me up. Go hang out with your guy friends and play football or do something. Try not to put too much thought into all of it. Also, are you going to let that stop you from having a good time or feeling yourself again? Have fun! You are just starting to live your life. So push it aside and if you really want to you can still wait for it to come around. It's part of life and I know where you are comming from. Don't let this experience ever stop you from getting back up and going at it again. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I have a question. I have a TI-30X IIS calculator, and im wondering what kind of games i can put on it, and where from. please answer soon!
*soccer_crazii**
xoxoxxoxxoxoxoxo

Hey. I actually have that same calculator, only in a newer model. I'm sure that it does not have games and you can't put any on it. For that you would need a graphing calculator, rather than a scientific calculator.

Here's a website that has some information on that calculator. http://www.didax.com/shop/productdetails.cfm/ItemNo/96-3001.cfm

Sorry, I wish I could put games on mine too, like Tetris. Hope that helped.

Q: I'm 17/F and I need advice concerning my boyfriend. We have been together about 2 months now and things have been up and down between us, but we are head over heels in love with eachother. We occasionally have our fights over petty things, but we always make up and I am very happy being with him. Well recently things were even more amazing than usual and we hadn't fought like we usually would. Well it seems like everyone is out to break us up. I had my ex boyfriend trying to tell him that I cheated on him, and then I had guys that used to be friends with him telling me he cheated on me. Everyone was trying to get us to break apart and the underlying reason was crystal clear to me: They wanted us to break up so that I would be single so they could make their move on me. All of them mentioned how they could "treat me better" and all that bullshit. I truly love my boyfriend and I would NEVER cheat on him. But the one area that I always stumble into in all the relationships I've been in is trust. I'm naturally not a very trusting person. And I definently don't trust my boyfriend that much. I trust he would never cheat on me, but when he tells me something I don't trust his word on it. He makes up white lies all the time and exaggerates alot. I have no problem with this really, because I can be a fibber at times as well. But the problem I do have is that he is VERY secretive about his serious issues in his life. Like his family especially. He only lets me know bits and pieces about his family issues. He lives with his mom and his step-dad. I know ALOT about this family. I've met them and I know all of them really well. But his real dad I don't know much about and he doesn't tell me much. His real dad he is not allowed to see because his mom doesn't want him around him, so she told my boyfriend that if she caught him going up there to see him she would send him to military school. So he secretly keeps in contact with him and visits him only about twice a year. He said he won't tell me much about it because the last girl he was with threatened to tell on him to his mom once and she almost got him caught and he said he wants to keep certain things to himself. And I understand that. I'm the same way. But he is double-sided. If I keep something to myself and I am upset about it, he will get PISSED if I don't tell him all the details. And just last night I was hanging out with him and his mom called his cell demanding him to get his ass home or she would call the cops. He had just got off work and it was around 12:30 when we drove back to his house. His mom and step dad were pissed because he "hadn't done his laundry" and he was out late, when he doesn't have a curfew on the weekends! So that didn't at all make sense to me. Well he pulled up at his house and his step dad was standing in the front lawn. He gave me a kiss goodnight and the minute he opened the car door to get out, his step dad reached his hand into the car, grabbed my boyfriend by the hair and threw him onto the front lawn and started punching him and kicking in his ribs and face! I immediately got out of my car and ran over there. His step dad was punching him and cussing him out and my boyfriend was on the ground screaming, "I didn't do anything wrong! STOP!" Well I started screaming at his dad to stop fucking beating him up and he looked at me and briefly stopped and told me to get in my fucking car and get the hell out of there or something will happen. I stood there not wanting to leave, but my boyfriends uncle gently pushed me toward my car and told me to leave quickly. The whole night I couldn't sleep or eat and I was crying all night and morning because I was afraid they found out he went to see his real dad and they were going to send him away. And I was also afraid my boyfriend would decide to move 2 hours away to get away from them. Well I finally got to see my boyfriend around 10:30 and his face was all cut up, his ear cartilage was torn, his back was covered in welts and so was his neck and chest, and his head had a HUGE bump on it. He told me his step dad called the cops on him because he punched him and busted his nose. (His dad had continued beating the shit out of him for 15 minutes straight after I left and drug him by his hair up the stairs so my boyfriend got up and punched him in the face). Well when I asked why his dad did this he said he would tell me later. Then he told me later that he couldn't tell me because it was a "family issue" and it didn't concern me and it was something real serious, and he was told not to talk to anyone about it. Well I was upset that he wouldn't tell me, but I wasn't going to press it. Well later that night he told me the reason was because he "missed curfew", "kept having people over without permission", and "wasn't checking in with them enough". I know it was a lie. I can tell when he lies and he was lying to me. But I wasn't going to add stress by bringing it up. So is there any way that I can get my boyfriend to open up to me? I understand people need there privacy and some thing kept to themselves, but there are certain things I think I should be entitled to knowing since I am his girlfriend, and since he expects me to tell him about my serious issues as well. (Sorry my question is so long!)

Time. It's going to take time for both of you to completley trust each other. Personally I can tell you that its 10x more difficult for guys to open up to girls, than it is the other way around. Most guys just aren't used to that, so yeah it's going to take time.

Sometimes past experiences make it very difficult to try again. It's understandable that your boyfriend doesn't want to tell you everything about his family, at least not yet. Be the one to take the first step and be more open, so that he may do the same. I know it's difficult. Don't expect him to be completley open so quickly, he'll need more time than you think to completley recover and completley trust you. It can't be a one way street where he'll tell you 100% but you only tell him 90%. You could always just ask him to at least try to be as open or if not more than you are. Just be patient, good things come to those who wait. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok .. long story short .. Im a freshie and hes a sophmore. hes new this year. He rides my bus as in four of my classes, and a few of my lunches. I like him. Hes funny. People think hes a retard but i dont. IM not the type of person who cares what people think as long as your happy. Im scared to talk to him.. SOOO SCARED. I cant do it.. i tried and i couldnt walk. Should i get a friend to talk to him for me ? How do i get his sn from him ? Do yooh think if we do start hanging out .. like after we start being friends if he wont like me caz im taller than him ? And also he was in my group for spainsh and when he talked he directed it at me. Do yooh think that could mean he wants to like get to know me ? he doesnt know many people since hes new. I need as much as advice as yooh can give me. If yooh do help me ill give yooh a cookie. And a hug. I know i seem weird in this but im really tired lol. I REALLY like him. what do i do ? i know i need to get the nerve to talk to him eventually.. but .. how ?

Well reguardless of age, grade, or height, you both have one thing in common: you are both new. Of course neither of you know that many people. Would you feel weird or freaked out if a guy you've seen before started talking to you? Probably not. First talking to somebody you don't know is never an easy thing. The same problems always come up: What do I say: When do I talk to him; What if he/she doesn't talk back.

I would suggest to start off with just that. A question. Ask him a simple question, about anything: Hey do you know when lunch is; When is this assignment due; Can you help me with this and that; What time is it. If you ask him outside of class, you should probably say something like 'oh hey I know you, your in my blah blah class(es), I hate that class'. Nothing wrong or too difficult with asking him a simple question like that, and it can be anywhere. It won't show that you like him or anything.

You could also try and talk to him as if he was already one of your friends. That might be a bit more difficult, but you are the one who has to talk to him, not one of your other friends. As for getting his SN, just ask and have a pen and paper handy. Give him yours too. Yeah it's that easy, just randomly ask. Don't expect the worst to happen either, like him ignoring you. Generally speaking, people aren't like that, and a majority of new people are open to meeting new people.

As for him not liking you because you are taller...are you kidding? When has that ever stopped anybody. He doesn't have to like you to be just friends: because by the way, thats how most relationships start out.

So don't expect the worst, and in the words of Nike: do it. Maybe the reason why he hasn't talked to that many people is because he feels the same way and is nervous too. So if you are the one who takes the first step and breaks the ice, things will probably be better. Hope that helped and good luck.

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I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.