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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
There's this guy I work with that I started talking to. Well, he admitted that he likes me a lot the other day and I couldn't tell him that I like him back because I'm not sure if I do or not. I know if you like someone, the feeling should just come natural and all that jazz. I had him over the other night and we watched a movie on the couch and without even realizing it, I laid my head on his shoulder. Then when he went to leave, he leaned in to kiss me and I turned away. He makes me feel special, he really really does. I've never been in a real relationship, though, so maybe this actually happening and maybe turing into more is scaring me but I just don't really feel that spark and I didn't have the desire to lean in halfway and kiss him when he leaned in. When we don't text each other, though, I do kind of miss talking to him but when we do text, he comes on a little too strong. Such as me telling him my grandmom was in the hospital, he (without knowing any of my family) asked if he could go with me to the hospital because he believes it's easier if someone goes with you.
I just don't know what to think. I know what it's like to really like someone and I don't feel that for this guy but I like talking to him and hanging out with him.
What's my deal? I'm so confused.
There are some things you do like about him, not enough for a romantic life long relationship. Thats what dating is about, finding those things you do like and sometimes its one or two things about each person you date as well as the things you don't like that make for an unhealthy relationship, things to avoid.
So tell him you don't have those kinds of feelings or desires but you do like him as a person and release him to go find a female who does. But you could remain friends if he's okay with that.
When you've met the right guy, you'll be wanting and looking forward to the time you kiss the first time instead of being scared cus you havent done it before. The lack of desire, feeling no spark can come over time with a guy that a girl has been best friends with for years like almost growing up together but if this is a recent getting together with this guy and all you feel is just friendship and feel he comes on too strong at other times, then best to follow your instincts as he is likely not the right one for you. Do make your wish list for a guy. My angels told me to do so when I began dating after a bad marriage. I got almost everything on my list. He just doesnt like to dance and doesnt sing. Put on your list the things you do like so much about this guy. Make it the must haves/needs (ie being of same religion, no more than 10 yrs age difference...etc) and also the frills/wants such as a guy into jogging or running, who likes gardening, has long hair, etc..) These things would be great and you'd like it alot but theyre not deal breakers. Good luck dear.
20/female:
So I had an affair last summer on my fiancé of 3 years..
I fell in love with this man... We stopped speaking but I can't bare living without him... I love him but I also love my fiancé, I wish I could have both and live happily ever after, like beautiful savages... She's got it all...
I need sneaky ideas to keep my rekindled affair from my fiancé...
Help?!
I believe most people would see it as unethical to help give you ideas how to sneak around. Please don't take that wrong because I believe I can explain with a different view of your situation.
I am not against having two people in your life with whom you are in love with both. That actually does happen. Its called polyamory but all 3 people must be open and honest with each other and give the other the option to decide if its something they are willing to try or the ability to back out if they know they can't share. When all 3 are not hiding any other partners from the other, then it is truly a good loving expression of extended love, not cheating, lying and hiding which are all negative in aspect and will kill relationships.
The sentence that got me thinking along these lines is your wish: " I wish I could have both and live happily ever after, like beautiful savages..."
I don't doubt that you love both, I know people who are successfully achieving this non monogamous variety of relationship. Some people are not born being monogamous in nature. I am not talking about the people who use that statement as an excuse for cheating, cus in that case it is a chosen way to live not something you are born with. Some scientific facts point to monogamy actually not being the norm but humans forced theirselves to adapt to it because of issues of emotional maturity lacking...jealousy etc...
In the end you say 'she's got it all' if that was not a typo and the other party is female, then you are bi-sexual. That is not something to hide from a male fiancee. Most men don't have a problem with discovering their girlfriend or wife is bi-sexual. In alot of cases, the wife discovered this long after being married. But he needs to be advised of that now if this is the case so he can get his mind around it.
If you have 2 men you are in love with and you don't want to give up either one, sneaking around and being found out is enough reason to lose the fiancee/husband on the grounds of dishonesty alone. What if he might have been okay with the idea of you having another love as long as that man treats you equally well? Or it may take him a while to get to that state of mind.
If on the slight chance your fiancee could handle the information, then you get to keep both.
If not, then you lose him sooner than otherwise by being honest. But by being dishonest, thats almost a certainty of losing him.
If you have more questions about polyamory or bi-sexuals who husband supports that in them, let me know. I have knowledge through friendship with or association with people in those groups.
Recently I've started sleeping with a man a bit older than I am (He's 45, I'm 27). We see each other about once a month, but talk a lot in between. This talking includes a lot of phone sex as well as friendly discussions about our daily lives. When we have phone sex, he tells me he comes every time - and I believe him. But when we are intimate in person, he is almost never able to maintain an erection or ejaculate, unless he's using his own hand. Since I've never slept with anyone this much older than myself I'm not sure if this is normal or if I could do something differently? Thanks in advance.
What the previous person said is true. Lots of men who masturbate alot get used to cumming only in that one way and can't in another....at least not until they retrain themselves. I remember reading an article on it on line once but I couldn't find it for you.
If a man can get erections during sleep when his conscious mind is not engaged, then there's no physical problem.
The phone sex and his masturbating are his main source for achieving orgasm and you say he does this alot.
Basically sounds like he has trained his subconscious mind to react to only this type of stimulation. The subconscious runs and handles our emotions and feelings, so of course something related to the feel good release or orgasm are going to be tied into the subconscious. Whatever we focus on in life the most and what we allow our minds to dwell upon most, positive or negative, our subconscious is naturally made to do whatever to help that to become true. Its wired that way. 99% of the time he has orgasms only by masturbation and phone sex so his subconscious doesnt allow him to have it any other way because it believes this is the only thing he wants. So its a matter of taking different action while awake. He needs to not have phone sex, not masturbate at all and meet with you more than once a month to have sex and in time the problem with correct itself.
There could also intimacy issues. Not like he's afraid or unsure with you...but he may be one of the types of men who can not get hard for sex with a female whom he has not developed deep feelings for. Some men have erection problems if its not someone their heart and subconscious is deeply in love with. He may be crazy about you but not developed to the level he needs to get erection and stay hard. So basically, the solution for both is more time spent together and having more in person sex.
8th grade/f
So there this really cute (in my opinion anyway) guy on a sports team that I go to for school (our middle school and the local highschool practice together for diving/swimming). Problem is, He's a sophmore, and he may/may not have a girlfriend. Here are a few minor signs that he may like me, in chronological order:
1. When we first met last year- for the same sport -he and another guy were asking me and a friend what grade we were in. They guessed 8th and we laughed, responding with the fact that we were in 7th. They both said, each of them referring to one of us, but the one I like was looking at me, that they wished that we were in 8th so that they could be with {hang out with} us 'next' year.
2. At our first practice this year I was a bit late so I ran up, and when I sat down in the group circle I made eye contact with him and he very slightly nodded his head up and smiled at me.
3. At the same time one of the other higschool guys was asking for our (the middle-schoolers) names, and then the guy I like noted aoud that the only people he already knew were the highschoolers... and me (It made me kinda happy because that must mean he remembers me, right?)
3. At the end of that same practice I was talking to my coach and he kept looking over. Eventually I took notice and watched for when he would look over again. So within a few seconds he looked over, realized I was looking, then smiled and looked away.
Okay, I know I'm getting my hopes up, but I have a serious crush on him. My guy-friends, who have known him through other sports, say that he's cool and nice, but he used to be'kind of a jerk'. I just want to know, what are your guys' and ladies' impressions from this, and do you have any advice for me?
Thanks!
When he smiled at you, did you smile back? Smiling at a guy tells him that you are friendly and approachable.
The crushing and attracted to stage is something that comes before the getting to know the person enough to know if you could be friends or date each other stage.
But neither of you will have the chance to get to know each other better if one of you doesn't start a conversation going. Sometimes during the conversation stage, we learn we like how the other thinks and how they vocalize their thoughts, their intelligence, etc and thats enough to want to spend more time together. I know you're two years younger.That shouldn't hold either of you back from at least talking to each other. If that goes well, then you start hanging out together, trade phone numbers, maybe even seen each other on the weekend every once in a while. If the parents allow you to have friends over and you two are doing great and mutually want to spend time together, ask the parents if you can have a male friend from swim practice come over. One step at a time thought, so talk to him first.
Its great that in the face of epic injustice and daily misery which you outlined in your postings, you find that life is worth living, or, that it is your duty to live (??). Its great that you have that perspective and choose life.
Its likely a good thing that you encourage you readers to 'live' at any cost, after all you wouldn't want to seriously engage with the subject at a deep level, or feel liable for someone's passing, very wise.
However, i think you strip others of the depth and width of their character, life experience, intellectual capacity, spiritual or cultural references, personhood (just for starters) when you suggest they should live, as you choose to do, in abjectness, if you're to be believed. It may be hard to believe but some folk have had an even more eventful and destructive life experiences than yourself, others feel simply that they have lived and learnt enough etc etc... or that they are not quite where they should be.
In addition if one is to be a Material-rationalist (i roughly mean 'this is it, so make the most of it'), but also insist on the duty to live (an expensive and often zero sum game for oneself and wider society), I see this position as incongruent and complex to maintain (but very interesting and engaging, hence me tapping out a few words).
Anyhow, don't blow a gasket, its just a few words which you're welcome to ignore.
Harper
Thank you Harper for your letter. I understand your points.
Personally, I have no problem with the fact that someone may want to end their life, not because I am cold and callous, but because I believe in reincarnation, and that when our soul has had enough of this current life, it's that person's personal decision whether to go now or wait for old age to take them. Our souls have a chance to come back in another life if our goal was not reached whether by someone killing us early on, an accident, or taking ones life.
I also realize that while there are those who have exhausted all options, there is a greater amount of depressed people today, a great majority of them young people, age 25 and under, who want to end their life and are asking how to do so. No one yet asking how to end their life has explained why. There are teens who admit they are so depressed they want advice how to get better cus they fear they might end their life otherwise... and this is over stuff like getting a failing grade in school, parents restricting them with rules, a breakup with boyfriend/girlfriend, from things that there are options, real options that have not yet been tried.
I have no way of knowing if the person simply asking how to die has tried anything else. The greater amount of people writing in on this particular site are mostly the young. The pre frontal cortex of the brain used for problem solving and making good solid decisions is not finishing developing until the mid 20's, a good reason why so many teens get themselves into trouble or do stupid stuff.
So, while there may be some who in their own lives and in their minds have become "programmed" or trained like horses, cows, sheep what to do, what is expected and they may answer out of a belief that they should "encourage the readers to 'live' at any cost" without any reason why, even though i may not feel that way, none of us can take the chance in case of back lash coming at us legally for assisting someone with advice on how to end their life.
Remember the life of Dr. Kevorkian? assisting people in ending their lives in a humane way? Even he interviewed and got to know the cases before agreeing to help them. You would never catch his assisting some college age gal to die because she wanted to cus her boyfriend broke up with her.
Lots of people are being slowly poisoned by the toxins and pollutions in our air, food and water and that is okay and allowed but if someone wants to end their life, the law will come down on us. This advice column is not the place to tackle such an issue as how to end one's life or the reasons why to do so or not. All we can do is assume the person is over reacting to their issue and attempt to get them to reach out for help/see other options which I believe a lot of these cases are.
I highly doubt that the greater majority of those writing in are people who have given much careful thought to their situation and still want to end their life.
I will end with sharing that my own father when mom asked for a divorce and left him, reacted immediately with trying to kill himsself twice, first with over dosing on pills, and second by hanging but a family member found him in time in each case. After some time he got over the heartache and went on to enjoy being grandfather to my 3 daughters, got active in two churches, did some community work, had several girlfriends and enjoyed many more h and are asking how to do so. These people like happy years of life. It would be a shame if someone had given him advice on how to end his life. He truly could tell me he enjoyed his life later after his attempts to end it before.
My name is Courtney,and i'm 17 years old. So, I can't seem to get over my crush that i've had for a while. I got this crush when I met him in my schools drama program. I have completely fallen for him, and I know for a fact that he likes my best friend (basically my sister). He gave her a chocolate rose on Valentines Day, and wants to go to prom with her. It totally breaks my heart.
I am so frustrated because we are actually friends, and even worse, WE PLAY A COUPLE IN THE PLAY. every time I try to shake off the crush, we do something adorable in the play and I fall right back into it again. I don't know what to do about this whole situation and I have no one to talk to.
Hi dear. To me, crushing implies that someone is crazy about another but has done nothing to give a clue to that person that they have feelings for them that are entirely different than feelings for just a friend.
If this is the case, then you are in this situation, kind of like in limbo...because of your inaction.
I know it's scary to be that open and share how you feel if he might not feel the same back. However, you are experiencing one of the consequences and it doesnt feel any better.
If you did talk to him long ago and he was interested back, it would be you going to the prom.
If you did talk to him and he said he wasnt intereested. It may hurt but doesnt leave you wondering what if when he dates and takes your friend to prom.
If you never say anything, and once upon a time he was crazy about you but you showed no signs of being interested in him so he thought you weren't into him and therefore started looking elsewhere, you'd never know and wonder the rest of your life.
Life is about taking chances instead of being timid. The Chances are that sometimes it'll turn out good and sometimes not. But choosing to not take a risk and talk to someone you are crushing on guarantees a 100% chance of it not happening.
At this point, it would be cruel to rock the boat with prom coming up. Let him take her to the prom. If you find enough guts to talk to him, do so after prom. The reason I state after prom is that in case he does have or did have feelings for you he'd be tempted to break his prom date with her, then feel like a heel cus thats bad manners, or go through with it and be miserable now knowing how you and he feel about each other.
Hope this helps a bit. If you need ideas of what to say and are serious about it, write me again after prom.
I smell even after taking a shower
If you've had this all your life it could be a medical condition, rare, but when ones pores do not work properly. I can't say if anything can be done in that case.
On the other hand, assuming your pores work just fine, after years of insufficient cleaning of our body, we can have layers of dead skin cells that are not removed by light scrubbing with showering and using body soap. This layer of dead skin cells holds bacteria that smells.
Ever wonder why old people and their homes and their stuff tend to have an "Old people smell". Theres a reason for it.
The skin is constantly renewing itself. New cells are formed on the lower layer of skin which slowly move upward. By the time they reach the surface of the skin, these cells are dead and are removed daily. With ageing, this process of cell renewal slows down. The "dead cell" layer remains longer on the surface of the skin giving the skin a dull look. This skin feels rough and scaly.
You ever notice how when you are toweling yourself dry after a shower, the rubbing of the towel seems to remove more dead skin that balls up on your skin. If it came off in bathing and scrubbing as it should, why is it still there?
I personally don't think enough is taught about choices for cleaning the skin of our body and proper care for our skin. Not only that, not enough options are available to purchase. Here's what I know will work best on everyone. Our ancestors of the ancient world knew better than us how to keep clean.
They used something called a Strigil. Strigils were the most common bath tool of the ancient world. It is simply a strip of metal with a handle at one end and a curve at the other. Read the article about it here:
http://www.celluliteinvestigation.com/2011/09/strigil-skin-exfoliation-cellulite.html
Photo of one from ancient times
http://www.vroma.org/~araia/strigilis.html
I use a dull but thin edged small butter knife as my strigel. Before a bath, I might smell, but without any soap used at all, just a little olive oil in very hot bath water, soaking and then scraping, I can come out smelling fresh. At first you tend to scrape and remove lots of dead grey gunk, I don't allow it into the water as I fear a grimy bath ring. I slide it off the edge of my knife and deposit the dead skin "putty" on the tubs edge after each scrape. I know it sounds gross when you see it in that state, but just think, we're walking around day in day out wearing this dead skin and the movement of clothes on skin isn't enough to make all dead skin come off. Once out of the bath, you gather it up with paper towel to throw away in trash. Only on very few occasion do I use any soap since discovering that a butter knife will do. I've used all the scrubbing options out there, including dry brushing your body with a boars bristle hair-brush for the body. It takes off only a tiny bit but it is more beneficial for stimulating the skin, improving blood circulation to it.
Hope this helps you.
I have cut for a long time. I had a two week clean and then after my boyfriend broke up with me over wanting to relapse ( we dated two months not long but still)he is saying tht he contributes to my depression. He also cuts and had been clean for three weeks, or so he says. If I can't keep someone as messed up as him why bother? This was out if the blue, everything was going fabulous and then one day I was asking for help because he stopped and I thought he cared, and he started saying how he's sick of this. And now he hates me.he won't talk to me. Out of desperation and depression yesterday I broke my clean in an extreme way, and nearly bled out I nearly passed out and it left these awful gaps in my skin that break open. They were horribly deep, but hey it gives me something else to focus on..? Is that a reason to break up with someone? Should I go back to therapy and shoul a get a new doctor for this? Why am i so worthless?
All change for the better is born of a true desire deep within to do so.
The only things I believe may interfere is self defeating negative thought patterns that need to be dealt with first, or low levels of the feel good hormones in a person which is called depression and the low levels are either due to a physical inability for the body to produce the natural occuring hormones in the body, or a lack of attention to giving the body what it needs to produce these hormones on it's own.
A perfectly happy non cutting person can suffer depression from the stressful situations of life such as a break up. I have a daughter who did and got over her 6 month depression on her own. I am not your doctor and cant say if these feel good hormone levels are low in you and have been for too long but a list of psychologist provided things to try in attempt to raise them on your own, if followed, and it works, will prove that your body is perfectly capable of doing so on its own. Ask me if you want that list. I found it on line but the psychologist gave it to my daughter.
The cutting is being done to have something else to focus on which is important if the something else was positive thought replacing the negative ones. But takeing a negative action like hurting oneself, an action that could accidently lead to bleeding to death is another negative. Using a one negative thing to take focus off another negative thing temporarily is not a wise way to get ahead and get better and will only be temporary if even that. It always fails and does not produce the results wanted but kids continue to do so because they don't know of anything else that might work.
Seeing a Dr. could help if you find just the right one and sometimes that takes time.
Also, seeing a mental health professional who mainly counsels and lets you talk is a very long process that can take years for the person suffering to see improvement so because the improvement is so slow or unnoticeable, thats why they give up on counseling. I believe that hypnosis is a better way because the psychiatrists who use that in their practice find they can get to the core issues affecting a person faster by accessing their subconscious mind. You might ask the parents if they could find you a new Dr. one who includes hypnosis in working with their patients.
You are not worthless, no one is. It is mankinds faulty thinking that sets standards in society. The unsuspecting see and are indoctrinated with beliefs of what a perfect person looks like, acts like, how much they are worth because their worth is measured by mankinds standard of success, which will differ greatly from what a majority of the religions on earth teach. A successful person is someone who finds a way to rise above the hand that life dealt them, the family they were born into, the race they were born into, the disabilitys they were born in, the social economic class they were born into..yes...that all makes sense and I would have to agree I like those kinds of success stories. But there are the more subtle ones too, the ones where all the change occurred inside the person, rising above their negative thoughts, their depression, rising above a low self esteem, etc...learning how to be more loving of oneself and of others.
I would say to have your parents take a look at the cuts and make sure they are not becoming infected and healing properly. If you won't do that, use some antiseptic, and have a friend apply butterfly bandages to get hold the gaps together.
Ask about seeing a new doctor. You can see a doctor and also be doing work on your own to overcome where you are at.
One thing you can do on your own is every time you encounter a negative thought in your mind is to become aware of it and capture it and state a positive thought to replace it. For example, 'I am worthless replaced with that's not true I am wonderful, I just haven't discovered all those wonderful things yet. See, you're not being unrealistic, but being positive. The problem with allowing just one negative thought is that they love company and will invite another and another to join them until you have a string of negative thoughts making up an entire negative story in your mind.
This will be hard hon and you must be really dedicated to doing this because you are retraining your subconscious mind. Its been allowed to run free like a wild undisciplined child. So it will resist at first. No sooner do you replace with a positive thought than a minute later theres another negative thought or the same one back again and you have to repeat this over and over. But be consistant, and eventually as the days go by, you will see that you dont have negative thoughts comings as often. Continue to do so until you have it under control. This technique is straight from a psychologist authors book that I read on how to help yourself. This goes a long way toward helping depression too.
When you are ready, ask me for the list on things to do to raise your 'happiness hormones', its way easier than you think, and I find it fun. I do this stuff regularly to fight off the stress of daily life that brings these levels of hormones down. When down too long, even I can feel depressed and I admit I had days of being depressed before but the moment I feel that, I do these tricks to remedy it.
Good luck and blessings to you dear girl.
So I have a small hole in my skin and it has a black dot in it. It seems to be kind of solidish and it's really creeping me out. Please help. It might just be skin but I'm not too sure. It has happened before and is always on my legs.
Sounds like a blackhead to me. Blackheads and whiteheads are caused by sebum oils your body produces that are trapped around a hair follicle and dead skin gets mixed with it. It can continue to grow over time so it stretches the pore opening enough for air to get in. When air gets in, it oxidizes the trapped stuff and turns it from white to grey or black. Thats why it appears as a small hole because the pore got stretched out. Once a pore is stretched out, it tends to refill over time with more sebum and dead skin cells. There are nose strips with a very sticky adhesive that pharmacies sell for applying to the nose to remove blackheads as its a very common place for them to gather. You might try using a strip like to remove a blackhead once you notice it anywhere on your body.
Here's a site that tells how to prevent it
http://dermatology.about.com/cs/acnecomedones
/a/comedones.htm
The dermatologists say that scrubbing the skin to remove dead skin cells doesn't help and could irritate the skin. Heck skin can be irritated even from wearing wool if not used to it. I say it wouldn't hurt to use something in the shower or bath that has some scrubbing action to clean yourself, whether its the actual cleaners with scrubbing particles in it, or a loofah sponge. I once had someone gift me a 'Japanese washcloth'. It was the best bath wash cloth ever, had a just rough enough surface to slough off dead skin but was gentle enough to not irritate. I have never found one in my own searches. If I were you, I would try bath and body type shops and check to see what bath scrubbers are sold and keep trying til you find something that works. I can't recommend that the next is a good idea but works for me just in case you can not find a skin scrubber you are happy with. Every once in a while, I take a long hot soak in a tub til my skin is very soft and then I have used one of those brand new white teflon scrubbing cloths that are for dishes but use it on my skin in the bath. You would have to be very careful to not apply too much pressure in scrubbing and irritate or be too abrasive on your skin. It works great for me for an occasional tougher total body scrub.
Ok. I am a 35 year old women. I met my guy online in the summer of 2012. I then found out he was incarcerated. I wasn't proud of how i looked, so i sent him a pic of someone else. We connected like i have NEVER connected with anyone. Well, last month i decided to stop the charade, sent him a real pic of me, n told him what i did n why i did it. He then proceeded to break up with me, stating that i knew how he felt about fat girls, n basically in so many words said that if i didn't lose the weight he couldn't be with me, but i feel that if i can accept him in his current situation, n its a biggy, then why wouldn't he accept me in my current situation, help me improve, and continue to love me the same(like that guy did on that movie Why did i get married)?? SHOULD I ACCEPT HIS TERMS??
I'd say 90 % of males all have the one thing they all feel the same about in women they are looking for, they all want a woman with Confidence over a woman with good looks. I am not kidding you. I can give you links if you ask to you tube videos of dating and relationship experts who say so. From my own life I can say I don't look like a model but men are attracted to me and I am in my fifties. Age doesnt matter either. I get younger men who ask to date me even though I am married. Men are desperate to find a confident woman.
A female who doesnt send a photo of herself in on line dating, sends a clear message that she is not self confident.
Hon, I've been to some nudist events and have seen several women who were overweight and some obese. As a straight female, even I could see that a couple of them looked beautiful and the others did not. What was the difference? It finally dawned on me, their self confidence. I keep looking and looking not believing what I was seeing but it was as plain as day, that the confident overweight woman looked beautiful when the one with a low self image did not. Yes, I understand that society as a whole ignores or shuns the overweight. However when it come to dating and love matches, personal taste also comes into the picture. Some men prefer a woman with 'some heft to her' as opposed to a petite thin person because their mom was overweight and they found the rolls of fat to be comforting and wonderful and they loved everything about mom, including her looks. They are used to having something to put their arms around, a big woman and will tend to seek out the same when it comes to relationships, whether they themselves are thin or large.
Now as to the other 10% of guys, these are the few who have been brain washed by the media and assume the only thing that is wort edh going after is the female portrayed in movies and in modeling, the airbrushed, breast implants, botoxed, dyed hair, wig wearing, liposucked, etc...female. But its all fake. It is not real. Its only what todays media pushes as the perfect looking woman. Take Marilyn Monroe for example. She would never make it in todays time starting as a model because though she was a pin up girl in her time, like a fad, its no longer in vogue and today she would not be considered at all. She was big boned and curvy, there was some meat on those bones, not fat but not skinny enough to be a model today.
Since a person's appearance body wise is all based on the whims and opinions and fads created by just a few who are in media it should not be the standard that any rational self thinking mature individual follows and as I said, most men realized that although it might be ' eye candy ', that those females are not realistic, not what a real female is like, and they want the real thing.
So as you can see, the question of should you accept his terms would be a no. At least any female with confidence and good self image would not change anything about her self to be perfect for the one guy. That is no guarantee that he will still be happy and not find fault in another way. If this is his personal taste in a body type, he would not state so in such a way to hurt you, not even bring up the weight issue and simply cut it off based on the fact you werent truthful. However he revealed his true inner core beliefs and values when he insisted you lose the weight or he'll dump you. He's of the 10% that are not a good catch for a partnership. There is always the fact of what he was incarcerated for too.
I Want to make it clear that another person can not help you improve as you stated, that must come from within. There must be a desire to change, whatever that change for the better is because until there is, all the encouragement and support from someone who cares about you is going to just bounce off of you, unable to support.
Another point I can't let go unsaid is that a great majority of on line relationships are one dimensional, you can't know anything more than what the other is willing to share or what they present. Personal chemistry too is something that can't be determined on line. So for all the things a face to face relationship offers that an on line one doesn't, people will imagine and fill in the gaps with what they fantasize about, what they wish and hope for and imagine they see when perhaps all of it is the fantasy and the person is not anything that they hoped for once they meet in person...I am talking more of personality, their morals, values, etc not looks. So I am not a advocate of using the computer to date long term online, only as a tool to come to know of a persons existance, then work to initially meet in person as soon as possible becasue the longer it goes with the on line or the phone call stage before meeting, the greater a chance it is more of a fantasy. Even two weeks of daily phone calls with one guy, I was already fantasizing in ways what it would be like to meet him and once I did, he was not anything like he had said, and I was clear in profile what I was looking for, and he was nothing at all like I had imagined, definitely not a match.
While I understand it is good to be accepting of people and their differences, like a disabled person for instance, when it comes to a dating relationship, there are other factors much more important than their age, color of skin, religious beliefs, their looks or disabilities, their income and profession,
and that would be, who they are on the inside.
So I'm a girl bringing another girl to prom and I need to know some things
1.We're both wearing a dress. Mine is probably going to be yellow so should she get a dress that compliments mine or is it not a big deal?
2. She's older so she obviously doesn't want to spend a lot on a dress. If she gets a cheap but nice looking cocktail dress would she stick out too much? (My dress isn't going to be extravagant anyways)
3. I get her a corsage, but do I also get one for myself? And how do I know what corsage to choose?
4. Is there usually a coat check at prom? I don't wanna carry a cluth and phone everywhere
It's been a long time since I was prom age so I decided to check if the internet has any current guidelines or social rules regarding going to prom.
I found this under a search "Prom etiquette".
http://www.ehow.com/facts_6062264_high-school-prom-etiquette.html
http://voices.yahoo.com/etiquette-101-prom-dating-etiquette-12015028.html
I read many more but didnt post as its the same stuff. I could find nothing regarding girls taking a girl or boys taking a boy to prom. They make a reference to girls attending in a group which is what all my 3 daughters did. I just looked up my youngest's prom pic, it was of her and 4 other friends. They did not bother with going out to a fancy dinner together or getting corsages, they just attended prom together and the only expensive besides the dress was paying a hairstylist to do the hair of all five of em.
It seems okay for girlfriends to attend together. It becomes entirely different when the two are dating and are a couple. The rules and etiquette for same sex couples going to prom have not been written yet as of yet. In most of the U.S. the battle is still going on to be allowed to do so but its slowly gaining ground. The ones who come under fire are the girl who wears a tux while her date is wearing a gown and the guy who dares to cross dress or wear some effeminate looking shirt with slacks with the wrist corsage, while the other is wearing a tux. In your case there is no way to know whether you are attending as girlfriends or as a couple with one taking the other to prom. So no matter what your situation is, I feel it's best to talk it out together. Close friends going together are advised to pay their own way on dinner and prom related stuff. Times are tough and not everyone can afford a brand new fancy prom dress.
You may want to search immediately in your area for "Prom dresses for Underpriveleged" those are the words that will bring up results if there is any agency in your area that collects used donated dresses to hand out to teens for free. I am attaching a link to one such project and I know its gaining popularity as the economy continues to be so sluggish. You may try asking other kids at school or best, check with the school office if there is such a thing. If there is, you both deserve to have to have a fancy dress if you can't afford one on your own. As for corsages, it seems the wristlets are more popular. Make your own rule whether you each buy one for the other, or one of you buys both.
As for whether there is a coat check, formal events like this usually have this but it might be best to ask the committee planning prom night if there will be a coat check.
http://archive.ksdk.com/rss/article/364781/3/Cinderella-Project-making-prom-dreams-come-true
14/f
I'm skinny, have short blonde hair, and very slightly tanned white skin. I try very hard to look nice; I wear make-up ( little to no mascara, light concealer, and a clear lipgloss, usually.), clean, nice clothes, and my hair is healthy, and 'cute', but people call me lesbian because of it. I get constantly shamed because people can see my make-up line (ex: today a girl laughed aloud and pointed at my face saying, "haha it's like one skin tone,and then another one". People also say things about my eyes, whose colors are very pretty, but they are.. "buggy". Yesterday a boy pointed at me and said, "hey it looks like your eyes are buldging out of your head haha". I tried really hard not to cry. I recently heard that this girl in my class was accidentally called my name by her guy friend, and she said, "Ew! I'm not ugly!". I asked her why she said that and she apologized and said it was an inside joke. I told her that I wouldn't have understood it even if it wasn't an inside joke. I feel very unloved, and I don't understand why. I mean, I'm 5'3", B-cupped, tall, skinny, but in an athletic way. I look in a mirror and see myself as pretty, but then I hear these comments and I don't understand. I'm nice to everyone as best I can, I get good grades... I don't understand. Could anyone explain this?
They may be exaggerating and you may simply have beautiful prominent eyes like Anne Hathaway or Susan Sarandon. But if there is any chance that your eyes are actually bulging out of the eye socket, it could be a sign of a medical problem that can be treated with medicine. Here's a link that describes it. Please show the link to your parents
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003033.htm
20/f
Hello, I am feeling conflicted right now.
Let's just say, "mall #1, with department #1" and "mall #2, with department #2."
I got an interview with Nordstrom at mall #1. I passed my phone interview and the recruiter told me they would like me to come in for a face-face interview. They had to find out when the department manager was available and said they will call me back the next day, and if they don't call, to call them. The next day, they didn't call, and I did what they said, I called. Nobody answered so I left a message, my name, and my number.
I looked online and found out that department #2 was available in mall #2. I got so excited because I heard that it was hard to get into that department since it's never open. I wanted that department because I am able to sell anything in that department. So, I applied online since the HR didn't get back to me that day.
This morning, I got an email to schedule my phone interview with mall #2, so I did. 30 minutes later, mall #1 called me and scheduled my face-face interview. My face-face interview is on Wednesday, and my phone interview is the day afterward.
Department #2, I would love to work in that department, I feel like I would do very well in. Although, it's located at mall #2, which I am not fond of. There's not much traffic, it may be hard to make goal since the store is commission-based. Mall #2 is surrounded by a lot of construction, which would be hard to get it.
Department #1, it would be a challenge to sell in it. Many people tell me not to worry because there's always plenty of traffic and it'll be hard not to make goal. I am not too familiar with that department. But mall #1, I have worked at that mall for awhile, I like the traffic, I like location, and it is definitely easier to get to.
What should I do? Should I just cancel my phone interview or should I wait it out to see which one I want, if I get offered the job?
Interview with both. If you get two offers then choose between, otherwise take the one that hires you. If it ends up to not be your most favorite, still put all your effort into it, be the best employee they've ever had so that if any openings come up at other locations that would be like a promotion for you, you can then apply for a transfer to that other position and because you're already with the company and have a terrific work record, its likely they take a serious consideration of hiring you.
I am a 24 year old female and I baby sit my cousin who has Autism every weekend who is 22 but since he has Autism he can't teally be left by him self and he is over 300 plbs and sometimes when he gets agitated he throws temper tantrums and jumps up and down and throws fits and I don't know what to do when he gets in those moods and it would be great if anybody could give me some tips on how to calm him down wg en he gets like this sometimes he hits and pushes me . It would also be grest if anybody on here coould suggest some activities that I could do with him . Please take in consideration that he has the mind of a 2 year old and that I don't have transpertation . Thans in advance everybody.
Really, your Aunt and Uncle should be the ones providing you with information on how to handle him and what works best since they are his parents.
When it comes to caretaking of any adult who due to whatever circumstances is capable of unintentionally hurting or badly injuring you, that is a situation that agencies will train caregivers how to handle and when to call in for help if they feel their life is threatened. As a relative without any training or agency backing you up, there is no protection. Perhaps state care has been cut or perhaps they never looked into it. There is such a thing as getting licensed by the state to be a caregiver and then you can get paid for it but you will have the proper training for someone with his issues. Relatives just asking to help because you are family without any guidance on how to handle it, is like throwing you to the lions...not fair. I would take it up with them, even if you are willing to help or volunteered. If they have no clue, then perhaps both of them and you could talk to some agencies that support educating people about autism. heres some sites i found on line:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/autism_help.htm
http://www.ehow.com/how_7828674_handle-tantrums-autistic-children.html
http://www.pcittraining.tv/how-to-handle-autism/
Why do people say there is no perfect ten person. I know a lot of guys who say that Im a perfect ten behind my back. And these guys are not at all alike. Its really weird because I don't that much effort in my appearance. So is their a perfect ten guy or girl society holds to that status?
As has been explained, due to peoples personal preferences, both men and women will each give different examples of what is a perfect mate, but it will be based on their own criteria.
However, beyond personal likes, there is one thing in women that ALL men find attractive and sexy in a women and it has nothing to do with looks because it is Confidence, a good strong self image and as far as looks, all that is really impressive is a big smile and holding eye contact with a guy. I watch lots of relationship coaches telling men or women what to do. What I just shared comes straight from the mouths of men ages early twenties up into 50's who state this is so in video's.
So I suppose you could say that no matter what race, body build, age, social or economic status, one thing all men agree upon that makes a women "Perfect" is Confidence.
What do these words mean;
Salchow
moiety
bestiary
august
chirk
ailurophilia
schatzi
I don't understand why you could not research these words online yourself but here are links.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salchow_jump
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moiety
There is 2 links on this page, one for moiety like kinship and moiety as in chemistry so use the one you're looking for.
http://www.yourdictionary.com/bestiary
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/august
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chirk
That chirk is a town in Wales.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Chirk
last one of chirk as a verb
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ailurophilia
though its much easier to say 'cat person' or 'a cat lady'
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/schatzi
My parents were from Germany. They spoke german at home and used endearing words but they never spoke it with the "I" at the end, just mein Schatz
My dad is very overprotective and he knows how to work computers so what do I do to get one without them knowing
P.S. He is very NOSEY
I support what the others have said about talking to parents about the 'need' for a computer. Many schools today expect papers typed, not handwritten and have computer rooms at school where kids can sign up for times to use but its not always a guarantee you can get a time slot. I remember my daughters having that issue.
You may have to prove to the parents first that you truly have theses "needs" by them scheduling times for you to use their computer. If you end up using their computer more than they do so they can't get any time on their own, they may see the best thing is to get you one of your own.
My ex had an in home business and home office and his once upon a time was the only computer in the house. As I mentioned the girls were unable to have school access to a computer to get homework done. Of 3 kids, 2 were at an age of teacher requiring computer typed projects. So they had to use Dads. With both of them needing pcs to do schoolwork, it ended up he had less time for doing his business on there and thats upset him greatly. So when he upgraded to a new computer, the still functional one went to the daughters to share. In another year or two, that wasn't good enough. At a computer upgrade at work, the IT guy sent emails out that the first to respond would get free, one of five pc's that they replaced. I got one. Now the girls were happy and able to get school work done and also have time to start emailing friends and setting up myspace pages. I checked on them often to see what they were doing and viewing on line.
One daughter loved anime and watched all the anime cartoons and movies she could find, obsessed I'd call it---choosing to watching ones spoken in Japanese with English subtitles and actually learned to speak some Japanese that way and went on to take more Japanese in college and befriend the Japanese exchange students.
Good luck.
I've been chatting to two girls over the last few months and a few days ago without realising i asked one out on a date(also going to prom with her)but this other girl i talk to nearly everyday about anything & everything We've got loads of inside jokes(being married with kids) and i think about her loads. I really wanna know which one i like so i can try a move forwards with one of them. Can anyone help? If anyone needs some more information feel free to ask
Guys are naturally attracted to females who have self confidence. Is there one who is more confident than the other?
Ask yourself which one you feel most comfortable with when with her, feel most relaxed, most able to be yourself without giving a second thought to whether she might take you wrong.
Which one do you find conversation flows with much more easily?
Which one do you experience more humor with? Is she able to make you laugh. Does she laugh often at things you say?
Which one feels more like a best friend to you?
The girl that you feel all of these things strongest with is likely the one you have the greater interest in and will be better with in the long run because these points are all important in a great dating relationship and of course in long term relationships as well.
hi,i have had a tough time rebuilding my life mostly prof and personally,its made me feel so hopeless abt my future,i dont seem to get things back again no matter how much i try and there is no help around,how do i do it then,anybody with experience on this,thanks
It could be that your heart isn't in it, the rebuilding of whatever goals you are going after because only your awake conscious mind says it wants that. Sometimes we lie to ourselves or just haven't figured out what makes us tick or what we are passionate about. If the things you are trying to rebuild are things (deep down where your emotions are stored in your subconscious mind) that your subconscious mind doesn't like at all, it may sabotage your efforts to get back on track.
This is something that other people can't help you with. The help must come from within.
Think back to a time you were happy and satisfied with your life. If you have to look all the way back to childhood then do so. What things were important to you then? Was it true good friends? Was it not having stress over the future? Was it being creative, or taking time to play and relax, do whatever you wanted enjoying your play times.
You don't give me much to go on to target some suggestions specifically against particular thought patterns holding you back. So I will give you a link to something called EFT tapping, emotional freedom technique. I have a favorite person on you tube I use, something about the voice is soothing. So I am giving you a link to Brad Yates. You will be tapping acupressure sites on yourself that help your subconscious mind to hear and deal with the words you speak as you watch and repeat after him. It may take several repeatitions before you see results or you may need to utilize just the right one. He covers dozens upon dozens of situations, even for earning more money, feeling like you can't forgive yourself for something, getting over something someone did to you, etc. I hope this helps you some. The key is to continue to use this on a somewhat regular basis.
http://www.youtube.com/eftwizard
So this has been going on for a while now but has gotten increasingly worse lately. I can't wake up on time. I set two alarms on different devices each with a snooze button to go off about 5 minutes later. I usually wake up late and don't remember at all hearing or turning off either alarm but according to my sister I do it, and also don't even budge when shaken to wake me up.
I also wake up at random times and do things in my sleep that I am unaware of. My sister recorded a video of my randomly springing out of bed or, going over to her bed and shaking her or even waking up and swearing out of nowhere. My parents told me I used to sleep walk but I don't walk that far if I happen to do it.
What is wrong? Why do I fall into this almost unconscious like sleep that not even two blaring alarms and a sister shaking me make me awake? And why do I sleep walk or do drastic things in my sleep without knowing?
I can't really answer your questions. If your sleep behavior becomes more than a nuisance and really threatens your lifestyle, such as being late for school or work, actually hurting yourself while asleep or hurting others, then it might be time to go see the doctor, he will decide if you need to see a sleep specialist, get some counseling to determine what changed because apparently at some point in the past, you were f not like this. If counseling doesnt come up with an answer, then hypnosis may find an answer from your subconscious. Your subconscious mind is what is busy running things while you sleep and keeping you breathing and rolling over when your body needs to relieve pressure on a certain spot or wakes you if you have a full bladder. Your subconscious mind is also where all your emotions are stored so something emotionally is affecting your sub. mind causing you to behave this way. I don't think there is any 'self help' advice that you can try to fix this. YOu probably will need to see a profession at some point.