|
Older male lover not able to maintain an erection
Recently I've started sleeping with a man a bit older than I am (He's 45, I'm 27). We see each other about once a month, but talk a lot in between. This talking includes a lot of phone sex as well as friendly discussions about our daily lives. When we have phone sex, he tells me he comes every time - and I believe him. But when we are intimate in person, he is almost never able to maintain an erection or ejaculate, unless he's using his own hand. Since I've never slept with anyone this much older than myself I'm not sure if this is normal or if I could do something differently? Thanks in advance.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
What the previous person said is true. Lots of men who masturbate alot get used to cumming only in that one way and can't in another....at least not until they retrain themselves. I remember reading an article on it on line once but I couldn't find it for you.
If a man can get erections during sleep when his conscious mind is not engaged, then there's no physical problem.
The phone sex and his masturbating are his main source for achieving orgasm and you say he does this alot.
Basically sounds like he has trained his subconscious mind to react to only this type of stimulation. The subconscious runs and handles our emotions and feelings, so of course something related to the feel good release or orgasm are going to be tied into the subconscious. Whatever we focus on in life the most and what we allow our minds to dwell upon most, positive or negative, our subconscious is naturally made to do whatever to help that to become true. Its wired that way. 99% of the time he has orgasms only by masturbation and phone sex so his subconscious doesnt allow him to have it any other way because it believes this is the only thing he wants. So its a matter of taking different action while awake. He needs to not have phone sex, not masturbate at all and meet with you more than once a month to have sex and in time the problem with correct itself.
There could also intimacy issues. Not like he's afraid or unsure with you...but he may be one of the types of men who can not get hard for sex with a female whom he has not developed deep feelings for. Some men have erection problems if its not someone their heart and subconscious is deeply in love with. He may be crazy about you but not developed to the level he needs to get erection and stay hard. So basically, the solution for both is more time spent together and having more in person sex.
]
It's relatively normal, not just for men of his age, but something a lot of guys have issue with.
Although there could be something else going on here, it's often called "death grip syndrome" when men (or women) can only reach orgasm in one particular way, usually through masturbation. It's not actually a illness or condition, just a powerful habit where a persons regular method of masturbation becomes the only way they can get off.
In the end, this probably has nothing at all to do with you, and everything to do with his sexual habits and his mental approach to sex.
The only way to know for sure, of course, is to ask him about it. Unfortunately lots of people just live this way, and don't make much effort to address this sort of disfunction. But whatever you do, just know it's very, very, very, very unlikely that it has anything to do with you or anything you are doing.
]
More Questions: |