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should i? 4 questions to awnser...
okay so I want to have sex with my bf and were both virgins.... all my friends tell me not to... they say it hurts ALOT and now im scared but I really want to have sex with him....
-how bad does it hurt?
-should I be scared?
-what is the most comfortable position?
-will the pain ever stop?
these are my questions... please awnser them!
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It may depend on several things as to why they all experienced pain.
The first time does not need to be painful. If a girl is really young, then she is not done developing yet and can also be quite small and then her hymen, which is a strip or two of extra skin along the sides of the vagina partially covering the entrance make it a tighter fit for several times until it is stretched out. It is very stretchable and over time will slowly stretch to accomodate whatever size, size of a tampon, a sex toy or a penis.
What I do know is that very little if no sex ed at all is being taught in schools these days. Maybe just warnings to not get pregnant, where to get condoms or just use abstinence. But nothiing is explained on what to expect when becoming sexually active. So its very likely that ALL your friends did not do something right.
Here's a list of what might cause pain and what preparation is needed so there wont be any.
Not having proper lubrication. Even couples who have had sex all their life will find days when they need more lubrication than what the females body creates. In fact, most days, a good KY jelly or other personal lubricant purchased at a pharmacy will help alot if spread over the penis and over the pussy lips. Without proper lube and the guy pushing to gjet in, if fast and hard is how he enters he can tear the hymen or any skin near the entrance of vagina is sensitive too and lack of lube means two dry surfaces coming together with friction or movement is going to pull uncomfortably at your skin and you'll feel a twinge and say "Ow, stop...need more lube." Even I have a day every once in while where I have to say the same to my husband. Most young girls the first time don't communicate to their partner or he doesn't really care enough about her to listen and ignores her. Be sure the guy you're with really cares about you, is willing to listen.
If the guys penis hits your cervix too hard and that hurts. (The cervix is straight at the back of your vagina and if you've put your fingers in to explore, feels like the tip of a nose) There can be two reasons for this hurting.
The first is the most common one. Women take a longer time to be aroused than men so young guys don't realize that there are things they need to do until she is ready. Lots of foreplay, kissing and giving her orgasms by stimulating the clit or g-spot. The importance of the female being aroused first is that her uterus will pull back further up inside her which increases the length of her vagina for penetrative sex. Beforehand an average length of the vagina is not much more than the length of a tampon applicator pushed all the way in, therefore only 3-4 inches when not aroused. After aroused she can be several inches longer in length. Most penis average lengths are 5, 6, 7 inches. If he tries to enter a female who has not yet been aroused and is only at 3-4 compared to an average sized guy of 5-7, you can see that there is not enough room for him to get all the way inside. In the frenzy of his excitement, he can try to hard to get in deeper which would hurt the female.
The second possibility not as common as the first is that the guy is over average in size, 8 inches or more in length. I know from experience what that feels like. The extra length of penis wants to go somewhere and so the end of it slip to either side of the cervix and pounds a pocket of skin where there is a nerve it hits, that feels worse that hitting your funny bone like your elbow and having that electric shock go down your arm cus that funny bone pain is just the once but with each thrust from the guy, its like hitting that same nerve over and over so you have your legs end up frozen in incredible pain. The way to get around it is try different positions other than missionary. Your partner should promise immediately to stop the moment you utter, "Ow" . And you should do that the moment something feels just slightly uncomfortable but not painful to catch it before it becomes a pain. If you're both moving slowly at first, then you should have plenty of time to speak a warning.
If you are too fearful going into this, you will already be tense which could make things uncomfortable.
If the both of you have decided that each of you is the one you want to experience sex with the first time, then it would be a wonderful thing if you both studied and did some research on line first. If he has no idea about female anatomy nor you his other than what is visible and what it looks like, thats not enough. You need to both understand the physiology of it to have a good base from where to go exploring.
If you want links to some things you both could study together so you can both be better informed, let me know. I'd be glad to help.
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For starters you should only have sex with your boyfriend if you are ready to have sex your boyfriend. If you aren't ready but just "want" to have sex with him, don't have sex with him.
1. The first time I had sex, yes it hurt but it didn't hurt entirely too bad. For me, it was a pleasurable pain. I'm not going to say it didn't hurt at all, of course it did hurt but it didn't hurt me to the point that I wanted to stop. (Keep in mind that everyone is different)
2. I was scared but I was an anxious scared. I knew I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend so I was excited yet scared. Scared because I knew it was something I could never get back. Scared because I knew it was going to hurt. Scared because I didn't know exactly "what to do" but I was excited. I was excited to do this with him. I loved him and knew it was what I wanted to do. If you are scared to the point that you aren't sure then don't do it, you may end up regretting it. But its okay to be a little scared, it's something totally new.
3. I personally like doggy-style or reverse cowgirl.
4. Yes the pain will stop eventually! I promise you.
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It will hurt for your first time. Whether it's a lot or not, that varies from person to person. Once you are regularly sexual active, it won't hurt anymore; the pain will eventually stop. You shouldn't be scared but you should make sure you're ready, and use protection to avoid unwanted pregnancies.
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