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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

im 47 hes 57. im devastated and he will not discuss it at all and sort of saying its my fault because iwas asking for wanting to be intimate some kind of even not intercourse cause he says he had erectile disfunction {im a }so i am aware for the help available. he didn't want to be sexual with me but slept with me every night but no touch. Please call me if you have time eallKim 570-604-1052 of email at ad=kimidat6300@hotmail.com I would would love some advice. Thanks kim

Kim,

I really do not have any help to give you on the subject of your question. My concern here is that you put personal information. Please do not do this again for your own security and safety.

There are a lot of bad people in this world and information such as a phone number on websites that may be open to public viewing, opens up a host of information that can be found for you. Please safeguard you personal information.

I am having pain. I am not having cramps but pain down where a baby comes out. It isn't painful all the time. It is soar when I sit down or when I touch it and it hurts all the way around. I have never experienced this before so I am scared.

There is not a lot of information to go on here so it is hard to give advise.

None of us are doctors and even if we were we could not give one as there is no way to examine you over the web. One thing is clear, even without more information, is that you need to see a doctor. The pain you are having is not normal and only a doctor can diagnose and treat you.

There is a whole list of things that could be causing your pain starting with different exercising you may do to sexual activity. Have you experienced a trauma to that area, as if someone kicking you there or maybe being hit with a soccer ball. Only a doctor through examination and asking the right questions can make a diagnoses. Be honest with the doctor during the exam.

Now if you are under 14 you have no choice but to go to mom or dad and tell them you need to see a doctor. Having pain in this area does not mean you are sexually active.

Being under 14 requires that a parent make your doctors appointments so talk to mom and dad. This area has a lot of muscles in it and you may have injured one. Given today is Sunday and the amount of pain you have going to a walk-in clinic or even a hospital emergency room is appropriate.

If you are 14 or over, by Federal Law you do not need a parents permission to make an appointment to see a doctor about any problem related to your reproductive system.

The Law is known as HIPPA. This law offers people 14 and older confidentiality in seeking medical assistance for reproductive system medical help. Meaning, you can make your own appointments, speak openly with the doctors, be treated for in most cases, the exception would be for something life threatening, and no one can inform anyone you have not given written approval to so so of anything about the visit. Yes you are still covered under your parents health insurance.

What is most important today is that you get to a doctor ASAP.

I like this one guy more than just as a friend.

We see each other nearly every day. We're both intelligent, mature, and responsible. We share similar interests, like being around each other, and make each other laugh. He would never hurt me or himself, or take advantage of anyone.

The problem is, I'm 16. He's 22.

Is this crush too inappropriate?

(Before you make your decision, I can at least tell you it's not a solely physical attraction. I don't think he's good-looking, honestly.)

I could wait until I'm 20 and he's 26—it would be less frowned upon—but I can just imagine him already getting married by then.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on this.

While I agree with what Razhi has written I will put a slightly different twist on it.

If your crush is just that, a crush and you do not act upon it. Then there is nothing wrong or inappropriate. Former president Carter once admitted he could lust in his heart but would never think of cheating on Mrs.Carter. It is okay to admire, lust, desire or any other adjective you can think of here. It becomes wrong and inappropriate when you act upon you lust or admiration.

You are 16; in any state in the U.S. you are under the age of consent. Which means you cannot consent to sex or enter into legal contracts as well as some other things.

Then there is the six year difference in your age. You are also correct in what you said about if you were 20. We would be telling you to forget the age difference and just go for it. You are not 20 you are 16 and the age difference opens this man up to a whole host of legal problems.

Just being with him can lead to him be charged as a sexual predator. Possible charges of Statutory Rape, Child Molestation and any other sex crimes that they may wish to charge him with. Then if you two happen to cross a state line the Federal Government has a list of crimes they can pile on starting with the "Mann Act". This one requires no proof of wrong doing on his part other than he took you across state lines. The same is true of the state charge of Statutory Rape having or not having sexual relations is not a required proof to be found guilty of this charge. Acting upon you crush could have him spending the rest of his life in jail.

As I said having a crush on this man is not wrong or inappropriate. Doing something about that crush could cause him to spend 25 years or more in jail and have to register as a sex offender when he is released.

So I ask you; Is the crush you have for this man so overwhelming as to put his life in this type of jeopardy?

The fact that you have asked this question tells me you do not want him to get in this type of trouble. So admire him, lust for him if you must; but find boys your own age to date and go out and have fun with.

When you reach the age of majority, which is 18. If this man is still available then go for it. Then people can say whatever they want. At least no one is getting in legal trouble because you admire him.

I am 19/f and I attend a medical college. As long as I've been in school, all my teachers have told us it is important to take a multi-vitamin everyday, especially of you don't get a lot of it in your diet. As I was in the store the other day trying to find a multi-vitamin the lady from the little clinic came over and asked if I needed help finding one. She said I shouldn't take ANY vitamins becaus if you don't think your deficient in anything, you could be over vitaminizing yourself. Which is bad. She also told me if I do start taking them, if I don't feel better in a week or so to stop taking them because my bones are still growing. So I am confused on if I should be taking vitamins or not. All it is is a multi vitamin. Are they fine to take? Or should I restrain? Thank you !

None of us are doctors so we cannot make any factual recommendations on this. That being said I do not see any harm in taking one multi-vitamin a day. There was a time doctors did not believe in vitamin supplements. That was back in the dark ages when everyone sat down together for 3 meals that mom prepared.

Today we all seem to go are separate ways at meal time and may not be getting the proper nutrition and vitamins from the foods we eat. As my sons pediatrician many years ago once told us; what ever his body doesn't need will come out in his urine so we should not be concerned about giving him vitamins.

He is now not quite twice your age, a firefighter, a physically demanding job. Besides his exercise program he takes a multi-vitamin daily because as a firefighter when he is on duty there are times when meals are skipped because of call volumes.

In short I agree with Rashi, the lady in the vitamin shop probably should not be advising people on vitamins as I feel she is not knowledgeable about the product. If you have any concerns I would ask one of your instructors as being in a medical college they should be able to advise you.

Molly/ 13
Im a freshman in high school and this junior guy named Michael has been sexually harassing me. When he sees me he would grab at me and he would make disgusting remarks. Today i was leaving class and he pulled me into the bathroom and pushed me against the wall and put his hands down my panties. I tried screaming but he covered my mouth. I dont know what to do about him I'm to scared to go to school and I dont want him to hurt me for telling. Please help me.

Since I am old enough to be your grandfather I am going to give you some grandfatherly advice.

You MUST TELL YOUR PARENTS NOW, TODAY, BEFORE YOU RETURN TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY. They need to call the police and let the police handle this as it is a police matter. Michael is not only sexually harassing you. But by pulling you into the bath room he committed two addition crimes both of which are felonies.

The first is abduction (Kidnapping): He took you against your will someplace you did not want to go. That is the definition of abduction.

The second is Sexual Assault; When he put his hands down your panties he sexually assaulted you. You are 13 and under the age of consent in any state. Therefore he cannot say you consented to him doing so. Not only is this sexual assault but the police may tack on a charge of statutory rape, another felony.

He is also a bully but whether or not this is a crime would depend on the laws in your state. It would most certainly be against school policy or should be as this is something schools across the country have taken a zero tolerance policy on. Though of the three the bullying is the least of his crimes.

You have every right to go to school with out being bullied or sexually harassed or assaulted. It is not you worry or concern as to what the police or courts will do to Michael by making this a police matter.

By telling your parents and asking them to call the police you are not only protecting yourself but what ever other girl he may attach in the future or may have attacked in the past who were to scared to tell their parents.

You have done nothing wrong here and have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. People like Michael count on you being a victim and being ashamed or to embarrassed to report him.

Even if he has threatened you. There is no way he can carry out his threat as he will not be in school he will be either in jail or under house arrest with a GPS monitoring devise on his ankle.

So please do not let him get away with this and tell your parent now.

The second is Sexual Assault: When he stuck his hands down your panties. That is sexual assault.

Is it stupid for me to be irritated with myself that i still haven't lost my virginity at 18? I've only had one boyfriend, 2 years ago..And I'm slightly ashamed of that..not about not having sex yet, but It's irritating to me because I want to lose my virginity. Not just to some random guy, I want to find a guy and be in a relationship with him and have sex with him..I know it's not something you're just suppose to give away, but I've been wanting to have sex for suchhh a long time. It's like i'm sexually frustrated even though i've never done it before. I feel like masturbation is definitely not cutting it, or not getting the job done i should say. thats probably tmi but yeah...idk what im asking really. just want some advice.
-18 female

I'm going to play the part of the grandfather that I actually am.

There is a saying that everything has its time and place. This saying goes along with the saying that says if its meant to be it will happen.

Okay enough with the old sayings. I like the idea that you just don't want to give your virginity away to the first guy that comes along and kisses you. That is not what sex is all about. The loosing of ones virginity, especially for a women, should be something special. It should be with a man who will be loving, kind and gentle. Who will provide a place that you are comfortable and feel safe and secure.

The fact that you have only had one boyfriend is not all that unusual especially if you have been concentrating on your school work and other activities. Smart, active and very attractive girls find it harder to attract boys than girls how are average students, less active in activities and of average looks. Boys feel the girls in the first example are either out of their league or are all ready attached to someone.

Hopefully you will be going off to college. In college things will be different. You will have the opportunity to meet more mature boys/men. The college campus is much different than high school. Their are many different ways to meet people and still be studious, starting with different study groups. Then branching out to different clubs and activities of interest to you where you will find people with similar interest.

It is easier to and make friends with someone when you have some common ground from which to have a conversation and get to know one another. In high school all boys were and are interested in is sex.

Which according to a recent survey seems to be more talk than participation. The survey found that the average age for a girl to loose her virginity has risen from and average age of 15.5 years of age to just about 17 years of age. So being 18 and a virgin does not make you all that different then many of your peers.

If you are not going on to College, which I hope is not the case, you still have many ways to meet boys/men. Sit down with pen and paper and make a list of everything you enjoy doing. Start with if necessary "A" and go to Z." Include Church and Religious activities if that is something you like to do. When you have your list number them from 1 to as many as you have in order of how much you care for the activity. Then start with the first 5 and look for clubs and activities in your area and attend some events. Many clubs will allow you to attend a number of meetings before requiring you to join.

This really works. I suggested it to my son who is a firefighter. He works 24 hour shifts plus he has a part-time job as he is also a paramedic. His greatest love after firefighting is hunting, shooting and camping. He joined a gun club. He met a lovely girl there. It turns out she is a police officer. So they have more than just the gun club and camping in common. They understand the stress of seeing the world from a viewpoint that no one should ever have to see. Is this a match made in heaven. We we are waiting to see but it could be.

While she is cute as a button, okay I said I was old, they have more than sexual attraction going for them. This is the foundation that relationships are built on. I'm sure you have heard that beauty is only skin deep. Its true; one morning you wake up and you actually have to talk to each other. This is when you find out you have nothing in common than a sex life and the relationship wanes.

So the short answer to your question is: You have nothing to be embarrassed about by being a virgin at 18; as I offered in the results of that survey. There is also nothing wrong on not having a boyfriend if other thing got in the way such as school work or caring for a parent or younger sibling. That's part of family responsibility. Last but not least you feelings of not running off and just giving up your virginity to the first guy that comes along is the right thought. Don;t give in to your feelings of sexual frustrations. When the time, place an most importantly the person is right. Loosing your virginity will be very special for you and that is what it is suppose to be.

This has been rather long and has been more of a pep talk then an answer. But I hope I have helped.

I am 28 years old, a single mom to a 3 y/o boy. I dont get help from his father.

I recently met a guy through my friend while on vacation in AL. I live in IL he lives in AL. I met him in July and August when I went back for my friends wedding, we ended up messing around. This guy is going into the Navy at the end of the month, has told me prior to our fling that he didnt want kids and wanted to see the world. We've been talking until a week ago. I dont know why he wont respond to my txt/calls. Last thing he even said to me was that he was ready to get off work. So I dont know whats going on but since he wont reply, how do I go about telling him that I am pregnant? Ive been on birth control since July and I just took the test today. I dont know what to do. I have to keep my options open because I am the only income for my Son and I. I dont want to do anything drastic yet considering I dont know what he will say or do considering he doesnt know me very well. We did use a condom, but it broke but I didnt think anything of it considering I am/was on the pill. I am at a loss of words and I feel like I am up river without a paddle. ADVICE PLEASE!

I was not quite sure at the end of which month you meant so I decided to go the cautious route and figure it was the end of July or August as it appeared that is what you meant.

It appears from your writing he is avoiding you. It may be he is aware that you are pregnant and that he is the father. If so he may feel this will hurt his chances of enlistment.

To answer your question there are two possible ways you can do this. If you can if you know his address send him a registered letter. This has to be signed for and it is legal verification that he has received your letter. The other way is to have a lawyer send him a letter advising him he is about to become a father.

I suggest you chose one or the other although I would at this point suggest the lawyers letter in preparation for any legal action you may wish to take. Should you be unsuccessful in contacting him prior to him entering the Navy then follow my original advise.

Actually in this instance you have much more than a paddle, you have the entire Navy to help you.

If he has entered the Navy one of the reasons he has not responded is that while in Basic and Advanced training he is most like restricted from access to the Internet and devises such as cell phones. Still you can contact him through the Navy. The Navy will also see to it that as long as he is in the Navy that he provides the proper support for you and his child.

You start by going to the nearest Navy recruiting station and speaking with a Navy Recruiter. The recruiter will put you in touch with the proper chain of command to locate him and to see to it that the proper allotments from his pay are provided to you as well as dependent health care and commissary privileges.

This is fine for as long as his enlistment in the Navy lasts. You also need to contact a lawyer to see to it the proper legal papers are drawn up so that when he returns to civilian life he continues to maintain his support for his child. Something you also need to do for the support of your 3 year old son.

No father can walk away from their responsibilities to the children the sire. The long arm of the Federal Tax collector can reach out and grab them once the proper paper work is done and filed in the proper courts.

Right now as far as this man is concerned the Navy will see to it he does the right thing. For your son you need to see a lawyer and have the proper paperwork filed in court. Then you can have the proper law enforcement agencies and the Federal Government reach out and snatch his purse.

For your part after filing the papers and after contacting the Navy you may be requested to prove paternity. For your 3 year old that is a simple swabbing of the cheek of his mouth. For the child you are pregnant with you may have to wait until it is born and the same swabbing can be done.

NOTE: Should you not get the help you need from the Recruiter; call your Congressman's Office for assistance as this is something they can help with.

My mom is always very rude towards me, she broke me and my boyfriend up. Now she is trying to get rid of my best friend, she did something to my truck so I cant drive it. And now she is always maken me stay home.She calls me fat, a whore, she is always telling me im ugly or stupid. When I was like 10 she would beat me with hangers, pull me down the hallway by my hair. And still to this say she will slap me or punch me in the face or hit me with stuff. She tells me she hates me. I have never done anything I try to get along with her, I will wake up for school and she will yell at me. Several times she has maken me cry before school. It sucks I hate my life. I dont know what to do anymore. :( Sometime I want to die and maybe she will feel bad for what she does.

Firs of all while it is okay for a parent to discipline a child.It IS NOT OKAY FOR A PARENT TO STRIKE A CHILD IN THE FACE OR USE A COAT HANGER OR ANYTHING ELSE WHILE DISAPLINING A CHILD.This is called child abuse and is a very serious crime; especially when it is done repetitively.

I wish I could tell you the why of moms doing this but I cannot. There is simply no reason for her to do so. The best thing I can advise you to do is at school on Monday is to tell a trusted teacher, your school principal or guidance counselor what is happening at home. Every school district has procedures to follow when advised of child abuse. By informing one of the people I have suggested they will notify the proper agency to make sure that you are kept safe and that mom gets help for whatever is causing her to abuse you.

There is also a hotline I would like you to call. The hotline is run by a group called RAINN; which stands for Rape, Abuse,Incest, National Network. The people that answer the phone are trained to help you find professionals in your home town who can help you deal with the emotional problems this abuse has caused you. The hotline number is: 1-800-656-HOPE. These people can also help deal with your problem, should you not get help at school or should you not want to seek help at school.

What is a position that wikl have a man dick hurting

This is not an easy question to answer without more information.

Are you asking for positions where the mans penis will not hurt you or were the man will not have pain in his penis?

Are you asking for positions that might cause a man pain in his penis?

Then there is also the other questions such as what position will not cause pain or will cause pain if for instance your man has lower back pain, is over weight,things of that nature.

If you ask this question again with a more descriptive question. I'm sure one or more of us may be able to help you.

hi,
i wanted to get some advice about staying with my on and off again husband. we ve been married for 7 yrs and seperated for 1yr off and on. we have a history of abuse only because i use to pick arguments and fist fights with him to have my way. we now have 3 kids together. he has a son thats 2 months younger than our 1st born and he and her are 8 yrs old. although we werent not married when our first child was conceived but just the confirmation of the dna test for the son he has devasted me so bad i beat him so bad. he continues to take me back even though i ugly and mean to him. he continues to forgive me over and over again, but not this time even though the physical abuse stopped i still continue to pick on him but now he doesnt want me at all or at least for now. i desperately want to seek counseling both marital and self but im not sure how to convince him that i love him more than he knows and im truly sorry for negectly and abusing him.

please help,
apologectic wife

I have to agree with the first two writers. I believe your husband has given you more than enough chances. There comes a point where you just say enough is enough.

In emergency service we see it all the time. The abuser tells the abused they are sorry, please come home it won't happen again. But it does and sometime it is the last time as the abused dies.

Everyone that has to deal with these situations tell the victim they have to save themselves, to get out and to break the cycle. We tell the abuser to get help. You need to get help in the form of counseling for yourself first.

Then if and when you counselor suggests you are ready then maybe Marriage counseling. Though after 7 years of abuse and on again off again marriage, your marriage may be over regardless.

What you need to do is learn through counseling what triggers your abusive behavior and learn to control it. Once you learn this then hopefully you can have a normal marriage, maybe not with this husband but possibly a future husband.

Okay so back in july\june it was really hot so me and my boyfriend (we live with each other) were sending a lot on AC. Too much so I said in august and september we were going to slow down and use some fans.so back in july mom come over and nobody know she had a key i gave her. she always had a key to where i live.no i did not cheek with my boyfriend before giving to her so she walk right in. I told her to call before coming over. she never did anything like this before. so a told not to do it again. she has not. But his mom and dad and dad has come over with out calling five time. They have a key. Two time we were having sex!! I was mad! After the last time I told him to take that key away be the end of the week. But when I was talking to my girlfriend she said i was over doing it. I'm I? And should i take the key from my mom too?

It is embarrassing to have one of your parents walk in while your having sex. Even though you two are not married you are living together so they must be aware that you two should be sexually active with each other. Problem is parents forget what it is like to be young, horny and child free.

This does not excuse them from walking in unannounced or without prior notification. The key you two have given your parents is in my mind for emergency use or to be used upon request for things like taking in the mail or packages when you two may be away for a few days.

I have a key to my sons home. Even when I am expected I knock before I enter as I may arrive before he expects me. It is just common courtesy. Yes it is my son's home and I know I am always welcome, still common courtesy should always prevail.

Still, and given that his parents have walked in many times unannounced I do not suggest you take away your parents keys. They Should have them for emergency purposes. Since the word emergency does not seem to have the same definition to them I suggest the following.

Go to one of the warehouse hardware stores and purchase an inside security chain. When you are home and don't want anyone entering without you letting them in secure the door with the chain.

This will not only keep your parents out but anyone else who might have a key to your apartment such as the maintenance people. Maintenance people have wonderful and well as horrible stories of walking into what they thought were empty apartments only to find the residents at home. Some are in the shower and didn't here them knock and announce themselves. Others, well they were caught as his parents caught you two.

So a security chain is a good thing to have as it keeps everyone out when you don't want people with keys entering unannounced. As for emergencies such as needing an ambulance or fire department.

As a firefighter I can tell you that there are proper tools on the ambulance and Fire Truck to cut through the chain if needed and won't delay them more than a couple of seconds.

These door chains are inexpensive and not only should they give you of peace of mind but will not have you insulting your parents by asking for your key back.

All of my friends are going to or in college.
It hit me really hard today when I found out the one other girl who I thought was in the same situation as me started taking college classes.

I'm smart enough for college (I graduated with multiple honors classes) but I don't have the money,time or transportation!

I feel totally screwed over and the more I think about it the more it angers me and I just feel like screaming.

I want to be somebody but my parents keep killing all of my chances! My father hasn't even visited me in 4 months and my mom only cares about money money money and to her helping me with college is a waste of time and money.

My brother offered a while ago to help me pay for it she told him not to and she tells him to stop talking about college around me whenever he visits and tries to tell her that I need to go.

Instead she's been demanding I get a job and to forget all about college so I've been looking for a job and I've filled out hundreds of applications but I haven't gotten hired anywhere.

People always say so take out a loan. What do I do when I can't pay back that loan? Loans just put you in thousands of dollars worth of debt.

I can't even get to a college right now. I don't have money to buy myself a car or to pay for car insurance. I live in a small country town that only has two community colleges and I can't even afford those!

My mom sits around with her iPad,macbook pro and her iPhone and it pisses me off...I love her but really she is ruining my life. I can't even date because I have no way to see anybody and I feel embarrassed saying at 18 I don't have a job or a car,I'm not in college or even going soon and I still live with my mom.

I don't know what to do I am so stuck. I sit at home everyday and do chores and look for a job and I'm getting really depressed. People tell me my resume is fantastic and then don't hire me because somebody with a college degree applied too.

I want to learn I want to get out! I don't have anywhere to go though or the money!

I know there's financial assistance too but how do I go about that if I can't get anybody to support me in going to college in the first place?

I need you to read this to the end as I'm going to tell you a little story about my son. Hopefully when I finish it will all make sense to you and you will see the answers to your questions.

When my son finished High School I was not in a financial position to send him to College. His teachers also said, which is not your situation, he was not college material, that I should teach him to ask if they want fries with that order.

My son enlisted in the Army Reserves and went off to Basic and Advance Training. The Army taught him something 12 years of Public School could not. They taught him how to learn and how to teach himself. He Honor Graduated from both Basic Training and Advanced Training where he learned to be a refrigeration Mechanic something that required more math skills then he had when he enlisted.

When he came home from his six months training he was then College material. I still was not in a financial position to help him. He went to the financial assistance office and with there assistance in finding grants, tuition waivers and discounts for his military service his first year of schooling only cost us the cost of his book. While he did have a car there was also public transportation available for him at reduced cost.

The second year the financial assistance office was able to greatly reduce the cost considerably and he took a student loan for the rest. Since he was taking a course in Emergency Medicine he needed a third year to get his degree as the first year was making up the basics he didn't get in high school. Again they school stepped in and again another student loan was taken out. In total he took out $10,000 in student loans for courses that cost over $40,000 plus books and lab fees.

He was in the first class the school gave in Nationally Certified Paramedics. He was the Honor Graduate, he is now an assistant teacher for the course. After Graduating he worked as a transport Paramedic for three area hospitals learning Pediatric Medicine, Trauma Medicine and Geriatric Medicine.

For the last 3 years he has what his dream job a Paramedic/Firefighter. In those three years he has nine lives saved. A life saved is resuscitating someone that is clinically dead when a Medic arrives on scene or is in an arresting state and transporting them to the hospital alive. As far as we know all nine are still surviving. As a firefighter myself a medic with nine saves in a career is a lot and he already has nine.

Why have I told you all this? To show you if you want something bad enough you can get it. That the Community College is there to help you get an Education at the least possible expense. After you get your AA degree in the basic core courses you can go on to get you BA or BS degree at a University at a much lower cost. If you have to take out some student loans to get where you want to be then so be it, at least you won't be in as much debt as someone who borrowed a full four year ride.

You also have the option of joining a Military Service. You can join full time or the reserves. If you go full time you can take college course while you serve, anywhere in the world, through the military extension program. This program was and may still be at no cost to those on full duty.

All credits you earn are fully transferable to any College you attend upon your Honorable discharge. Plus you have the military Montgomery college bill that will pay for both college and living expenses. This money is yours and does not have to be paid back. My son used what was available to him for living expenses while in college.

So you have some choices and there is help financially if you want it. Joining a military service is not for everyone but it is a means to and end. You give the military 2 years of your time and you get a lot in return. Definitely something to think about. You also learn a marketable trade as well as having a work ethic that employers are looking for.

I hope I have given you something to think about. At the very least talk to your brother and see what he has to say about this.

A very dear friend of mine, Ryan, was told this morning, by his ex girlfriend, Jenna, that she has HPV. Jenna has had very few partners before my friend. Her friend, Tori, was also a previous partner of Ryan's. Tori apparently knew that she had HPV shortly after she slept with Ryan which was about a year ago. Ryan never knew he had HPV until this morning when Jenna called him hysterical crying after the results of her STD exam came back positive for HPV. There is no doubt in Jenna nor Ryan's minds that Ryan was who gave Jenna and Tori HPV.

Here's the questions:
1. Because Ryan unknowingly gave these two women HPV, is he at risk for any legal repercussions?

2. If there are legal repercussions, is Tori responsible for not having notified Ryan, when she knew that he was a strong candidate for having given her the virus?

3. Does Ryan have a legal obligation to notify his past partners? If so, how far back into his sex life is he required to go back? He has slept with 16 women, the first two of which were 100% not HPV positive. A year ago, he slept with a woman who has since been tested and is negative for HPV.

4. His doctor said that the only test he can do to test Ryan for HPV is a visual wart exam. Is this true? Is there nothing else he can do?

5. How long should Ryan refrain from sexual encounters? How long can it remain in your system?

6. If one of the girls he infected with HPV develops medical problems or cervical cancer, is Ryan legally entirely to blame for that? There were times that he engaged in consensual non-protected sex.

Thank you very much for your time.

The following URL is a link to a web page from the CDC, the Center for Disease Control. I believe this article will answer most of your questions as well as give you more information on HPV:

http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

Now for your questions.

Question 1. The answer is no. The only STD that I am aware of that a person can be charged with a crime or civil penalties, both, is for knowingly infecting someone with HIV/AIDS.

Question 2. In general the County or State Health Departments will make the notifications when required. When someone is found to have an STDD they are generally asked to make a list of past sexual partners. Then the Health Department sends a notice to these past partners suggesting they be tested and treated. Since there is no known test for this Tori may not have been asked to make such a list. So the answer her again would be no.

Question 3. The answer here again is no for the same reason it was no in question 2. Ryan is under no legal obligation. This information is something a woman's GYN might like to have in these women's medical records. So from a moral standpoint Ryan should consider informing anyone he has had sex with since he was exposed, even if it was protected sex as if I read the article correctly, as HPV can be transmitted through oral sex as well.

Question 4. Ryan's doctor is correct as you will see if you read the article I have attached the URL for.

Question 5. This is something Ryan should discuss with his doctor. If I have read the article correctly it stated if left untreated HPV will usually clear the body in 2 years. The article did not say anything, that I read about abstaining from sexual relations. I would suggest that Ryan not participate in unprotected sex anytime in the future or until his doctor says it is okay to do so.

Question 6. This question should be no. I say should be because there is no law that I am aware of, that would be TORT Law not Criminal Law, that could be brought to trial. Then again we are a very litigious society and there are a lot of lawyers out there. We are currently bringing Law Suits for things we never thought would get through the court room door.

While it is not my intent to scare you or Ryan. As it stands today the answer would be no. In 20 or 30 years the answer could very well change although I have serious reservations that it would. I only say this because you asked the question and I have to answer as I think I should. How I feel the answer should be when talking about a future occurrence that at the moment is a hypothetical question.

One thing I suggest you all do is talk to your doctors about the HPV inoculation. Those that have been exposed and those that are known to be infected need to find out if the inoculation is something they can still have and if they should consider getting. The same is true for those known to be exposed.

I have a feeling you are all teenagers or very young adults, so I will caution you about this medication. There is a lot of controversy about this medication so do the research and talk with your parents before allowing your doctors to inoculate you.

My nephew was married out of state a few days ago and we spent well over $1000 traveling to the event. There were several relatives there on both sides of the family and up until 3 hours before the wedding it had been a happy occasion. Literally at the last minute while I was in the process of getting dressed, I was asked by my sister which is his mother to travel to pick up some elderly guests, which was half an hour either way. Suffice to say due to the incompetence or lack of consideration, I missed the wedding ceremony and by the time I made back to the wedding venue, the reception was well underway. Needless to say I was devastated and so upset, I stayed only 20 minutes and myself and my entire family left. I have not spoken to my sister or her family since. I feel used and am very hurt because he is my only nephew and the only reason why I even went was for the ceremony. I feel this single event has forever changed my relationship with my sister!! Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Family; can't live with them, can't live without them. Yes your sister may have been inconsiderate by asking you to do this for her. But she may also have asked the only person she truly felt would do this for her without question and to transport these elderly guest safely.

I wonder if she is not thinking now, knowing you left early how she may have upset you by making this request of you. It may have not been her intent that you would miss the ceremony and return only after the reception had started. Is it possible that someone else controlled the timing of the ceremony and the start of the reception. That she could not delay these things as you were delayed in returning? You can't answer these questions because you have not tried to find out why or what happened.

Your sister knowing how much you spent getting there and then missing the main event should at the very least understand why you may have left early and tried to reach out to you, she has not. Maybe she does not know how to reach out to you? Maybe she is afraid to reach out to you for fear of further alienation? There are a lot more maybes here than answers.

One thing is for sure that unless one of you is the more grown up then the other. I mean that as the words imply not that you or she is being childish, this wedge that has been implanted between you and your sister will grow into a wall.

Yes you have a right to feel hurt that you were asked to do something for the family and then they did not wait for your return so you could be part of family on this occasion. Still since you are the one writing I feel you are the one asking what to do about the situation?

Our immediate family consists of our spouses, our children, mother, father, sisters and brothers. These are the people we are bound to either by blood or by marriage. These are the people we depend upon, they are like spokes in a wheel. Your wheel is weakened because of the rift created by your present feelings.

Since your sister has not chosen to reach out to you I suggest you reach out to her. You can choose to do so by phone, letter or email. Of the three you might be more comfortable with a letter which is also more personal and allows you to better organize your thoughts. I would down play what it cost you to attend as that would sound as you were more upset with the money you spent then with missing the event itself.

Should you sister choose not to return you out reach then the problem is hers and you are more than entitled to how you feel. It is my belief that your sister is not sure how to reach out to you as how do you make up for missing something that can't me redone or replaced. Your letter, email or phone call will help her in making amends and sealing the rift that presently divides you two.

am in 20s .am handicapped ,all see me worse sympathy and teasing. ho is most pain ful way to die

The most painful way to die is to live until you die a natural death.

You may not like the answer but the truth is if you want to experience all types of pain then you want to live and deal with whatever life throws at you. In life there is both pain and pleasure. I cannot explain why we must experience pain other than it makes experiencing pleasure all that much more pleasing.

You don't truly want to die for if you did you would be asking for the quickest and least painful way to die. Which you would not get the answer to from us that is not what we do here.

There is no reason in this world to want to die. There is nothing so wrong that it cannot be fixed or worked out. So if you want to live that we can help you with or at least we will help you find people who can help you. So if you wish to live write back to us.

I am getting a flu Shot today i qmm so scared

I don't think there is anyone on this planet that like to get shots though they are not something to be scared of. Being scared of them is what makes them hurt more than they should.

A flu shot is a very tiny needle that is thin and very sharp. The nurse will pinch you your arm where the injection is to be given and it will be all over before you can say "ouch".

The best thing to do is turn your head away so you don't see what is coming. I'm a little strange that way as I watch them give me the shot. I like to know what is happening ans I am better prepared for it.

I am also some one that gets lots of needles because I suffer from chronic pain. The needles they use for that are big ones. They use all types of numbing medicine to take away as much pain as possible but I can still feel some pain if the needle gets below the numbing medicine.

This reminds me one of the numbing medicines they use on me is a topical medicine which helps deaden the pain of the needle going in. Ask the nurse if the have some of this medicine if so ask if they will numb your skin, it will help and with the small needle you won't or should not feel the needle at all.

Flu shots and the IVs doctors use to day to treat patients are all part of today's medicine. It is really more mind over matter. Sometimes they will hurt some and sometimes they will not. A lot has to do with you relaxing and letting it happen. If you tense up it is going to hurt, so try and relax as I can truly say as some one who gets lots of needles; "Bee stings hurt more than Flue shots."

My mom and I fight a lot over contacts. I use one-day lenses and take good care of my eyes, but my mom thinks I'm going to get scratches, infections, and eventually go blind. Once, she actually begged me, and although I feel bad,I CAN'T wear glasses. Yes, vanity, I know. But I feel so ugly and worthless in them (overdramatic, I know) and I do know I look very different. I know that maybe I should just give them up for the sake of our relationship(she talks about how stressed she gets whenever she thinks of my eyes), but I feel like that means giving up my self-esteem.Not to mention I think she's completely overreacting. Today, she was complaining again about having to make eye check up appointments and I got annoyed and told her I'm not going to wear glasses no matter what she says and that she's making a big deal out of nothing. She started SCREAMING at me on the top of her lungs until I finally escaped into my room. Later, she demanded I go out shopping for new glasses in hopes I'll wear them (I've shopped for many pairs of glasses, it's all the same. I like myself in contacts much better). I was busy and told her no (this entire exchange wasn't very pleasant) and we got in another fight. She started yelling that she's done trying to be a good mom and that she doesn't care anymore and started attacking me, shoving and hitting my arms. She was in my face and kept shaking me. I grabbed her arms (partly out of anger, partly out of self defense) and was screaming. She kept coming at me, at one point grabbing a chair. She shouted things like "How DARE you grab my arms. How dare you defend yourself/fight back. Do you know how many other Asian children grow up getting hit. It's perfectly normal for parents to discipline their kids like this once in a while. Yes, you're right, I am crazy! You made me like this. I'm always letting you do whatever you want, eating so much candy all the time and wearing contacts." And yes, that was seriously her complaint. I know I'm sassy sometimes, but mostly it's when something like this happens and I'm trying to get her back a few days later. I mean, I don't think she's abusive (psychotic maybe) but I don't understand why I have to go through such drama about something like contacts! It's rare, but certainly not her first time losing it. I was crying really hard and we decided to temporarily stop speaking and she thinks I have mental issues because I care so much about my appearance (which I think is typical for teens). I don't know how to get over this. I refuse to apologize because she raised her voice first and put her hands on me. Esp. over such a trivial issue. She goes on and on about how it's for my health, but I don't think contacts are that problematic. Is she right about the danger or is she kind of out of control?

HELP. Sometimes I hate her.

15/F (Sorry you guys had to read all of this)

Lets stick with the eye glass problem first as that is the simplest to resolve; if you want too that is.

I understand how important appearance is to you as 15 year old girl. While mom appears not to understand this it may be that looks were not as important to her at 15, especially if you are first generation American, an assumption I am making.

Now do you know what the definition of the word "compromise is? This may not be in the dictionary but the real world definition is; "something no one likes but everyone can live with."

When my wife wore contacts our eye doctor insisted she have a backup pair of eye glasses for those time when her eyes became tired or if they became irritated. He also suggested times when she should not wear the contacts. As it turned out my wife only wore her contacts when she went to work or when we went out. As you said for vanity reasons. The rest of the time at home she wore her glasses. We are older now and she no longer wears contacts at all.

I'm suggesting that you talk with mom and agree to get a pair of glasses that you will wear at home and use as back ups when needed. At school and when out of the house you prefer to wear contacts. I believe you eye doctor will support this idea as well. Depending on what mom is willing to spend or what your insurance covers I believe you should be able to find a pair to complement your face.

From my point of view whats the big deal of wearing your glasses when it is just you and family members in the house. If you have visitors you go up to your room and put your contacts in. I see this as a perfect compromise.

Both you and your mom were wrong in hitting each other. Hitting solves nothing and just deepens the anger of the situation as you have related to us. At 15 you and mom should be able to resolve any issues between you without hitting and with much less screaming.

As for whether mom is right or wrong in what she believes about contacts. The fact that she believes it makes it right for her. What is needed is to educate her on the type of contacts you wear and any dangers they might pose if any.

I firmly believe your mom feels she is right based on information she has read or heard from others, that is what makes her right in her mind. Educating not screaming is how to resolve this issue. You and mom need to talk with your eye doctor so she can hear from the doctor if there is any danger posed by you wearing contacts. I also believe the compromise I have suggested will go a long way in satisfying your mom about any danger, real or imagined.

Hey everyone!

I have been noticing something here on this website, and it's annoying me at an excessive level. How can people be like this?

I just saw a question about how there's a 24 year old woman who wanted to be with a 21 year old man, and the answers are all like "oh your age gap is not a problem"

But when there's a question about a 14 year old girl wanting to be with a 17 year old, the answers say "he's too old for you." -.- Really? It's the same thing! The age gap is the same size, yet people make such a big deal of it when the people are younger. >:(

Why does it have to be this way? Is there a specific reason why people don't think that an age difference matters at an older age, but when it happens with teenagers, people disapprove right away?

Can anyone PLEASE explain to me why? It just doesn't make sense to me. This angers me in ways I can't even understand.

Thank you to everyone who answers in advance, really.

The biggest reason for the different answers between a 14 & 17 year old as apposed to a 24 & 27 year old is; the law and maturity levels.

A 24 & 27 year old are both adults both in age and the eyes of the law. From the standpoint of maturity they are also very close. So yes at that point age is just a number. Even if the age difference was say 24 & 44, the 24 year old is old enough, in most instances, and mature enough to know what they want. So yes the numbers are just that numbers and that would be my advice.

With the 14 & 17 year old's the law and maturity become a big problem. First you have the law. Under the law the 14 year old has not reached the age of consent or the age of majority, adulthood. The 14 year old under the law cannot consent to sex. In many states the 17 year old is above the age of consent and has some rights of an adult.

There is a law in all states called statutory rape. Under this law sex can assumed to have taken place, it does not have to be proven. Whoever is the older in the relationship is in danger of being arrested and for ever being required to register as a sex offender and serving time in jail. This is a life ruining situation.

Then there is a, great, difference in maturity. At these ages the 17 year old is much more worldly then the 14 year old. Many young girls are attracted to older boys because young girls are more mature than boys their age, as a rule. They are not though as mature as the 17 year old male. This is where the problems come in. This is also how, studies show, how and why many 14 year old girls end up pregnant.

As you can see it is not always just a number. There is a world of difference that 10 years can make and is why our answers differ greatly when asked. I usually add something about everything having a learning curve. Dating is one of those things. Jumping over those of your same age in your teenage years leaves you unprepared and defenceless in many of the more adult situation. This is another reason why I do not believe young people should date more than 1 year above their own age.

i have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have never had sex. its not like we both want to. i do. he does. but everytime we try i get scared. and it doesnt help im over sensitive to every touch. is something wrong with me?

Since you do not say how old you are I am going to go on the assumption that you and your boyfriend may be underage teenagers. If I'm wrong the information I'm attaching will still be helpful.

If I'm right in my assumption then what is probably happening is your self-protection mechanism is in panic mode. We all have a self-protection mechanism which is why we get scared when we attempt to do something we are not ready for or not trained to do.

Sex is one of those things we truly need to be ready for. There is no real training for sex it is something that is natural and we get better at it as we do it. It is quite normal regardless of age, for the female to be scared the first time she has intercourse. She knows for instance that the first time will be painful. What she does not truly know is will her partner be gentle, will he try to make it memorable for her. Is it going to be something that is done fast so as not to get caught. These all play in her mind.

For a women regardless if it is the first time or one hundredth time in order for her to relax and enjoy the act she needs: A comfortable place to have sex. She needs to feel safe and secure someplace where they will not be intruded upon. Most of all she needs to trust her partner. Remove any of the three and the fear factor comes into play. For the man it is more of a mechanical thing, as the saying goes a knot hole will do in a pinch.

Since this is the first time for both of you I suggest the two of you review the website for the URL supplied below. I found this site when doing research for another young lady with similar writing as yours. Since then I have recommended this site to many others. Most have found it useful. I hope you will too. It is called "Am I ready for Sex."

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Photos of me: http://imgur.com/a/UtAqm
Obviously the second one is really bad quality but I took it with my iphone.

Today I went to Bealls and saw one of the girls from my old school (I graduated in June) there.
The whole time I was there I couldn't help but think she was so much prettier than me and I'm sick of just being "cute" or "normal" pretty.

She's the girl on the left: http://imgur.com/Rv1Pe

It's inspired me to make myself become more noticeably pretty. I'm deciding I've had enough with my bad habits like biting my fingernails. I'm stopping that once and for all tonight. I want long beautiful fingernails so I'm applying Sally Hansen's Maximum Growth nail polish.

I have sort of white teeth but they are a little yellowish so I picked up some maximum whitening flouride toothpaste and I plan on brushing them at least twice a day! I don't get acne but my skin without makeup is a little blotchy around my cheeks and the bottom of my chin, I also want gorgeous clear skin so I bought an $8 salycic acid maximum cleansing daily face wash and I'm going to start using it twice a day as well.

I'm about 4ft 10 in and 78 pounds so I am very skinny but I want to get rid of that "womens tummy pouch" thing. I've heard people say every woman has it but I know celebrities don't so tomorrow I think I'm going to start doing situps until it's gone.

I want to get tanner as well but I don't know how. I stay inside most of the time and we don't have a beach in my town and I don't have a yard since I live in an apartment. We have a balcony so maybe if I lay out there I can. I'm not going to use any of that fake chemically crap or go to a tanning booth though.

Other things I want to get rid of are:
Wearing sneakers, I think that's a big no-no because they aren't cute or classy they're just like lazy shoes. I really need to buy a pair of flats. Right now I have two pairs of boots (both high heels),two pairs of sneakers that I normally wear out,one pair of sandals and two pairs of heels (one stilletto) and obviously I'm not going to wear heels 24/7. I don't want back problems so I think my only choice is to get a cute pair of flats.

Pants: I AM SO SICK OF WEARING PANTS! I get so mad at myself every time I look in the mirror and my skinny jeans look faded or just bad. They are really starting to drive me crazy! I want to wear skirts and dresses but obviously I don't have a ton of money so I can't go and buy a whole new wardrobe so this one is going to take a lot of time and money to get right.

Makeup: I think I need to start buying more high priced makeup. I used to like my makeup but I hate how my mascara seems to dry out and flake or look kind of clumpy and how my foundation starts fading and looking powdery about 6 hours in. Or when I have to reapply lipstick every hour. I usually spend $7 on mascara,$7 on foundation and $5 on lipstick but it isn't working so I think I need to start saving up to buy the more expensive stuff like Urban Decay or YSL.

I'm also going to regularly dye my hair a reddish brown so it looks vibrant and not so dull like in the second photo.

Does anybody have any other ideas? I don't usually wear my makeup that bright as it is in the photos so that's not a problem.

First of all let me say I think you are much prettier than the girl(s)in the other picture. I absolutely love you beautiful blue eyes.

There are two things I did notice that I believe you need to take care of. First based on average height and weight charts I believe you are about 20 pounds under weight. Being underweight is worse than being overweight as this means your body cannot function properly as it does not have the reserve fats it needs to make up for what it is missing. When the body does not have the reserves it needs and does not get what it needs it takes it what it needs from other places and this injures those organs. This can result in many physical illness down the road such as kidney failure and liver problems.

You need to check with your doctor to see what your optimal weight should be. Then find a nutritionist to help you get there. Doing sit ups right now will only do more harm if you do not increase you caloric intake to make up for what you are burning.

Next you have a very beautiful face which is well shaped to your body. You also have a lot of hair that distract or makes your face look smaller. I would suggest you talk with a good hair stylist to see if there might be a better hair style that would make your face standout better.

From my point of view the only thing you really need to do is to talk to your doctor about what is a proper weigh for your height, frame and age. This is very important.

As for the other things you spoke about this is all window dressing. The real you is the person underneath the window dressing. The celebrities you speak about really are not what they appear to be. They are taped, girdled and who knows what to look as they do for the camera or as they stroll the red carpets.

I once worked for and Airline at JFK and was asked to escort Ann Margret to the gate. She was decked out to beat the band and the terminal came to a stand still as we passed through. I was also assigned to meet the plane she returned to JFK on. I almost missed her as she deplaned for this time she was not all decked out. She wore no make up, her hair was not done and she wore a warm up track type suit.

Yes I'm much older than you but trust me I know what I like and if I was 40 years younger and not married I would not need window dressing to know you are someone I would like to get to know better.

Window dressing is meant to attract. Attraction only goes so far. At some point you have to talk to each other and that's were the window dressing gets tossed aside. There are better ways of finding someone then through window dressing. A better foundation for a relationship is made when you find some one who has the same value as you do and the same interests as you.

If you would like more information on this way of meeting men write me a private message and I will explain. I met my wife this way and as of this past July we have been married 41 years.

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