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Upset with Groom's Mom
My nephew was married out of state a few days ago and we spent well over $1000 traveling to the event. There were several relatives there on both sides of the family and up until 3 hours before the wedding it had been a happy occasion. Literally at the last minute while I was in the process of getting dressed, I was asked by my sister which is his mother to travel to pick up some elderly guests, which was half an hour either way. Suffice to say due to the incompetence or lack of consideration, I missed the wedding ceremony and by the time I made back to the wedding venue, the reception was well underway. Needless to say I was devastated and so upset, I stayed only 20 minutes and myself and my entire family left. I have not spoken to my sister or her family since. I feel used and am very hurt because he is my only nephew and the only reason why I even went was for the ceremony. I feel this single event has forever changed my relationship with my sister!! Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Family; can't live with them, can't live without them. Yes your sister may have been inconsiderate by asking you to do this for her. But she may also have asked the only person she truly felt would do this for her without question and to transport these elderly guest safely.
I wonder if she is not thinking now, knowing you left early how she may have upset you by making this request of you. It may have not been her intent that you would miss the ceremony and return only after the reception had started. Is it possible that someone else controlled the timing of the ceremony and the start of the reception. That she could not delay these things as you were delayed in returning? You can't answer these questions because you have not tried to find out why or what happened.
Your sister knowing how much you spent getting there and then missing the main event should at the very least understand why you may have left early and tried to reach out to you, she has not. Maybe she does not know how to reach out to you? Maybe she is afraid to reach out to you for fear of further alienation? There are a lot more maybes here than answers.
One thing is for sure that unless one of you is the more grown up then the other. I mean that as the words imply not that you or she is being childish, this wedge that has been implanted between you and your sister will grow into a wall.
Yes you have a right to feel hurt that you were asked to do something for the family and then they did not wait for your return so you could be part of family on this occasion. Still since you are the one writing I feel you are the one asking what to do about the situation?
Our immediate family consists of our spouses, our children, mother, father, sisters and brothers. These are the people we are bound to either by blood or by marriage. These are the people we depend upon, they are like spokes in a wheel. Your wheel is weakened because of the rift created by your present feelings.
Since your sister has not chosen to reach out to you I suggest you reach out to her. You can choose to do so by phone, letter or email. Of the three you might be more comfortable with a letter which is also more personal and allows you to better organize your thoughts. I would down play what it cost you to attend as that would sound as you were more upset with the money you spent then with missing the event itself.
Should you sister choose not to return you out reach then the problem is hers and you are more than entitled to how you feel. It is my belief that your sister is not sure how to reach out to you as how do you make up for missing something that can't me redone or replaced. Your letter, email or phone call will help her in making amends and sealing the rift that presently divides you two.
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I would say yes and no. No, you have every right to feel all the feelings you are feeling. It was exceptionally inconsiderate and you paid so much to be at an important event like that and if you didn't even get an, "Oops! I'm very sorry!" from her, that's just icing on the cake.
But no in that I wouldn't let it define your relationship with her for the rest of your lives. I wouldn't let it shift everything into bad feelings because it doesn't sound like it was intentional. It doesn't sound like she meant for you to miss everything. It sounds like an honest mistake. I would talk to her about the gravity of her request and explain while you're hurt and go from there. If she's unreasonable and can't see how what she did is bad, at least you can tell yourself that you tried to salvage things.
That's what I would do.
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