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Is this crush inappropriate?
I like this one guy more than just as a friend.
We see each other nearly every day. We're both intelligent, mature, and responsible. We share similar interests, like being around each other, and make each other laugh. He would never hurt me or himself, or take advantage of anyone.
The problem is, I'm 16. He's 22.
Is this crush too inappropriate?
(Before you make your decision, I can at least tell you it's not a solely physical attraction. I don't think he's good-looking, honestly.)
I could wait until I'm 20 and he's 26—it would be less frowned upon—but I can just imagine him already getting married by then.
I would really appreciate any thoughts on this.
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While I agree with what Razhi has written I will put a slightly different twist on it.
If your crush is just that, a crush and you do not act upon it. Then there is nothing wrong or inappropriate. Former president Carter once admitted he could lust in his heart but would never think of cheating on Mrs.Carter. It is okay to admire, lust, desire or any other adjective you can think of here. It becomes wrong and inappropriate when you act upon you lust or admiration.
You are 16; in any state in the U.S. you are under the age of consent. Which means you cannot consent to sex or enter into legal contracts as well as some other things.
Then there is the six year difference in your age. You are also correct in what you said about if you were 20. We would be telling you to forget the age difference and just go for it. You are not 20 you are 16 and the age difference opens this man up to a whole host of legal problems.
Just being with him can lead to him be charged as a sexual predator. Possible charges of Statutory Rape, Child Molestation and any other sex crimes that they may wish to charge him with. Then if you two happen to cross a state line the Federal Government has a list of crimes they can pile on starting with the "Mann Act". This one requires no proof of wrong doing on his part other than he took you across state lines. The same is true of the state charge of Statutory Rape having or not having sexual relations is not a required proof to be found guilty of this charge. Acting upon you crush could have him spending the rest of his life in jail.
As I said having a crush on this man is not wrong or inappropriate. Doing something about that crush could cause him to spend 25 years or more in jail and have to register as a sex offender when he is released.
So I ask you; Is the crush you have for this man so overwhelming as to put his life in this type of jeopardy?
The fact that you have asked this question tells me you do not want him to get in this type of trouble. So admire him, lust for him if you must; but find boys your own age to date and go out and have fun with.
When you reach the age of majority, which is 18. If this man is still available then go for it. Then people can say whatever they want. At least no one is getting in legal trouble because you admire him.
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In some states, a relationship (especially a sexual one) between the two of you would be illegal.
Which means it could ruin his life, land him in jail and on a sex offenders list.
If you live in one of those states, then yeah, this is inappropriate, because you shouldn't put someone else at risk like that.
If you don't live in an area where his life could be ruined for dating you, then you might want to fess up and see where it can go.
The truth is that a relationship at your ages is risky. No matter how mature you are, you can't be 22. Your next 2-4 years of life are likely to bring you completely different experiences and goals than his will bring him. No matter how many similarities you see, you are still at very different places in your lives in many, many ways.
So it's risky. Trying to talk across the divide of 4-6 years from a teenager to a twenty something is really difficult.
He might not want to take that risk.
He might like you a lot, but not see you a viable partner, someone who could have the kind of a relationship he wants at this point in his life, because of your age.
And he might be totally right about that.
So take the risk and talk to him.
If he shoots you down, for whatever reason, take a deep breath and move on.
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It's a hard one because like you say the age gap now would be frowned upon.
However, if its meant to be its meant to be but you should definatly talk to him about this.
Because he is 22 you know there could be other people/he could just be being friendly.
Also because you are young he may be wanting you to ask because otherwise if he asked it'd look bad on him.
Then I'd say wait untill you're 18-if you leave it to long he could just leave he is in the best years of his life after all!
But yeh you need to talk to him-or if thats hard write a letter. The worst that could happen is that its a misunderstanding and he'd find it cute. Also, you need to know now rather than wasting time waiting, time that could've been spent looking for someone else. Good luck :)
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