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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
advice
This is really common I know. Sorry for that Here is the thing...back in January I met this kid..and we talked and what not..and during the same time..I was having some difficulties at home, and I don't like to talk about my problems because some can't keep stuff to themselves..anyways...I wasn't exactly me..I was always quiet and what not..and he'd always what was wrong. I tried to push him away, knowing he'd get hurt. But instead he just stood beside me now matter how hard I pushed. Then one day I realize..maybe I could really trust him. As time went on..we became closer than anyone else. I trusted him a lot, my trust isn't easy. I was able to sadly..but true..I was able to replace him with my other best friend whom I've known for 10 years now..but she drifted and called me her best friend when it was convint for her..anyways..we told each other stuff about each other that you would never think..and we were able to call each other best friends..by late March..I realized I liked him (how ironic...)...and he discovered mid-April...but we didn't let that destroy our friendship...and I was able to forget about it..and my feelings went away..or so I thought..till June..where it all started up..I saw him twice..the whole summer..the begining of July and the begining of Sept. anyways...I still like him..and he knows it. Lately I've had it with it all..since it hurts so much. I don't want him either...I won't date my close friends because I'm too afaird to loose them from what I've had in the past with just friendships alone..anyways I was on the phone with him..and I finally came out and said I didn't think I could be friends anymore. But the only thing is...he suggested we stopped talking for a bit so I can hopefully let go. I said I don't know if I could do that. Since, if we stop talking for a while..we are gonna drift...and not only will I hopefully let go..but I'm going to loose my best friend. He said I'd have to choose which I wanted. But I'm not exactly sure what to do. Or if there is a way out of this...and I can let go and still have my best friend. I don't fall easily either. Friend wise...I have 4 best friends (2 girls and 2 guys)...1 one is in almost a different time zone..so it's hard..and the other 2..they are pretty awesome, but I don't have the trust and the comfort this one gives me. He'll focus on me when I really need the attention and/or the help, he'll do anything to get me to laugh. I really don't know what to do. :(
You need to take a chance with this guy. Why would you want a friendship when you can have so much more? By dating him you wouldn't be ruining a friendship, you'd be forming and even stronger bond. Even if it didn't last, you could totally be friends after. He's right though. You do need to make a choice. There's no way around that. Choice A is go out with him and have it maybe not work. Choice B is end the friendship without even trying. Why would you even consider choice B? Either choice could end with the loss of a friend, but at least with choice A you would have experienced something great too. Why wouldn't you want to go out with him? If you never took any risks in life you wouldn't get anywhere. You can have a great love and great memories with this guy (he seems really awesome and perfect for you) or you can just skate by and not feel anything. Sure you won't feel any pain, but you won't feel any love either. Even if love ends painfully, the pain is a good pain because it means you experienced something wonderful. I'd rather live my life with great highs and terrible lows than not feel anything at all. And who's saying it will end terribly and you'll be full of pain? It might not ever end at all. I wish you the best of luck with this guy. I know you'll make great memories with him he seems super sweet and he's totally into you. :)
alright, so my Ex boyfriend, ( well call him rob) cheated on me with my cousin (well call her jen) and then my ex rob broke up with me on the 12th of auguest but he started going out with jen on the 8th.. and i told her that and she doesnt seem it mind i guess.. but a couple days ago rob IMed me and was like i hope we can still be friends and i said of course and he randomly asked me do i miss sex and i said well yah and he said he did to and he just went on about how much sex was fun with me and crap like that and if i would he would do it again and he wants me to like spend the night at his house but pretend im going there to hang out with his sister.. and he said a lot more stuff like that. if i was still going out with rob and he said that kinda stuff to some girl i would want the girl to tell me.. but this girl happens to be my cousin.. and im stuck like i think i should tell her.. but if i do that im going to lose my friendship with rob and i really dont want to. and if i dont tell her.. im going to feel kinda guilty , but she did it to me and she didnt care.. so i dont know why i care, shouldnt i just let it be and not say anything to her?? im so confused.. what do you think i should do??
Number 1, don't do it. It doesn't seem like you were going to, but just to make sure, don't do it!
If he doesn't cheat with you he's going to keep trying with different girls until someone will have sex with him. Your cousin did a very terrible thing by having sex with him while he was going out with you. Even if you have negative feelings for her because of this, you should be the bigger person here. It will hurt her so much (in a way she deserves) if you tell her. Forgetting the fact that him trying to cheat on her would hurt, but YOU being the one telling her about it after she cheated with him on you would be very powerful. It would really hit home for her.
Now, I don't think that you should just go running to tell her. Give Rob a chance first. That is the respectful thing to do since Rob is your friend. Your friendship with him probably won't work after this, or it will at least be awkward, but think about it. It's not going to work anyway if he keeps asking you for sex, which he will. It's not much of a friendship even now. Tell him that if he doesn't tell her in 5 days that you are going to tell her. If he tells you that he told her, make sure he isn't lying.
This is a bit lengthy! Sorry!
I have this "friend", but I don't want her in my life.
We met in college and got along OK on a superficial level, but when we got to know each other more, I just didn't like her. I think she's arrogant, self-centered, and judgmental, and I think she just really brings out the worst in me.
After we graduated, I thought we would just naturally lose contact. When she would contact me, I would be polite, thinking I would never see her again so there is no point in being mean and telling her to leave me alone.
Time passed, and I kind of forgot about her and what I thought of her. We recently got in contact again when she moved to my area. Since I was also new to the area, I thought we could be friends.I thought maybe people change, or that I had been to hard on her.
Anyway, these old feelings of how I think she is came back and I just want her out of my life. She has said so many hurtful things to me. It's just like college. She criticizes in this hurtful way, but acts like she's been a helpful friend.
I have tried to tell her that some of the things she says to me hurt me, but she gets super defensive, and I just end up feeling like the bad friend.
I would just cut ties with her with no regrets, but it's not that simple. Here's what makes the problem more complicated: She's befriended my friends, and I don't know what to do. She kind of weaseled her way into my group of friends. (Completely my fault because I'm the one who introduced her) I so desperately want to talk to my other friends about how I don't want her in my life, but I don't want to come out as the b*tch who bad-mouths people. They seem to get along with this girl (although they haven't had the same 1-on-1 time with her as I have.). If they truly get along, I don't want my dislike for her to jeopardize their friendship. I think they are still in that "superficial" level of friendship that I was in with her when I first met her. I want to stay friends with my other ones, but I don't want there to be tension. I don't want them to have to choose between us. Do I have to get rid of all my friends to get rid of her and start fresh? I really don't want to lose my other friends. So far, I have just been fake with her, trying to be as nice as I can. It makes me feel like a hypocrite, though.
I also want to add that these other friends are still a bit new to me as I have just moved to the area. That is another reason why I don't feel comfortable confronting them about this problem with the other girl. I've tried talking about this problem to my family, but they just say to "ignore her." If that is the only solution, how do I manage to ignore someone that makes me feel bad about myself?
Thanks so much for any help!
You wouldn't be the "bad friend" by telling this girl how you really feel about her. You would actually be being a very good friend. People nowadays don't have the guts to tell people how they really feel about them. Telling her and not holding back, while still remaining calm and empathetic yourself, might actually work. She may realize how terrible she is being and try to change. If it doesn't get across, then SHE will be the one to break the friendship over it, not you. If she can't handle the information and she does get defensive, keep going. She needs to hear what you have to say. Don't try to handle everything yourself. Share all of the information with her and if she wants to leave, then that's her decision. Don't carry this burden yourself. Being honest with her is the best choice. If she continues being awful, continue to remind her of that and she will eventually not want to hang out with you anymore. Then it'll be awkward for her, not you. Nobody will be the bad guy. You two just have differences. As long as you are honest and you don't get others involved yourself, there will be no regrets or bad feelings for you. Encourage her not to get anybody else involved either. This issue is between the two of you. Good luck. :)
why cant i just let go & move on
when i know im just holding on
to a hopeless wish thats
never gunna come true.
its a qoute thing i made. i wanna put something in my profile explaining whats going on in my life. which is :: i like this guy. we went out and i broke up with him. now i regret it and i miss him like crazy and the " hopeless wish" is that i could get another chance. if this doesnt make sence and you have something better please tell me =] and that wasnt the first time we went out so it cant say anything like " having a second chance. "
You did a great job with it. The only suggestion I would make is that you use proper spelling/punctuation/caps/etc. It would look more professional and be slightly more powerful because it would look like an adult wrote it instead of a 12 year old kid. In other words, it would look like you were actually in pain and understood your feelings instead of just whining about things you don't even understand.
Why can't I just let go and move on
when I know I'm just holding on
to a hopeless wish
that's never going to come true?
It doesn't look bad with the first W not capitalized since it would be online, and it wouldn't look too bad with no caps at all. You can also do a lot with colors, styles (bold/underline/italics), and fully capitalized words. That way you can put emphasis in the right places. For example, capitalize NEVER or put it in a different color, font, size, or style. :)
how do you "masturbate", i know you "play" with urself but how do you ACHIEVE than orgasm
I'm assuming you're female. If you're not, it's your own fault for not including that. Your sex is pretty important in regards to your question. Include that and your age next time.
http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation_howto.htm
Is it better to have the guy you love for just one night, or not at all?
That's pretty much the choice I have to make. I can either be with him for one night, or never be with him.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to fall for him more and then just have to give him up, but I don't want to regret not being with him, even if only for a night.
He doesn't do exclusive relationships.
Do NOT get with this guy. He sounds like a total creep. Nobody "doesn't do exclusive relationships" unless they're a complete jerk. It is not worth it. You won't regret not getting with this guy, but you will most definitely regret it if you do. He's not worth it in any regard. You don't want to just have sex with him, you want a relationship. Just having sex will only make things worse. Sex is pointless without a relationship and will only make you want one more. Don't even consider getting with him. Good luck.
Okay, with my body measurments my bust is a small, my waist is a large, and my hips are like a medium. Really weird, I know. But I do not know what size to buy my hamecoming dress. It's strapless so I don't want any wardrobe malfunctions. So, let me know what size I should buy. Thanks!!!
Small, medium, and large mean nothing. Figure out what the number measurements of the dress sizes are and compare that to your body measurements. If it's poofy on the bottom, you don't have to worry about your hips and if it's loose in the middle, you don't have to worry about your waist. With your body type, you should not buy a strapless dress without trying it on first. Because it's strapless, it's key that it's tight enough on top to stay up, so you'd want a small. BUT it still needs to be able to fit over your waist and hips. A small probably wouldn't. Strapless dresses don't fit well with your body type at all and I suggest that you save yourself the trouble and don't get a strapless dress. Not only that, but it would accent the wrong parts of your body. Strapless dresses just aren't right for your body type, period. If you insist upon it though, there's no way of knowing what size to get unless you try it on. Good luck.
Um, well this question is not so much of a question...Im really scared of what im doing to my body..I've done somthing horribly wrong and I've always known that I've been hurting myself but I do it anyways...I've been using tampons in the wrong way. Um well first I masterbate (sorry I didn't know what else to say to replace that word) intirely wayyy too much, its an everday issue with me and its not that im desprate its just that im too shy to do any thing with a guy so I just....ya. Well since I've done that so much, I've had alot of discharge, it feels like Im always on my period and so thats why I use a tampon everyday and my mom found out because shes notice she buys them almost every other week..I've been doing this for over three years now I think or two years and over time I think its been messing me up becuase I've bled once lightly for a week and I had just quit and then I have odors and its all the time and it changes but its horrible and its extremly embarresing and thats also why I haven't done any thing with a guy..not that u needed to know that but... I still use tampons and I still have odors and heavy discharge and I do still get my period at regular times but I dont know whats wrong with me. My mom told me I could die if I kept doing this but I dont know what else to do. She wont take me to the doctor but she only forgets so its alright but she doesnt think that anythings wrong with me she just thinks I need to quite using them but I want to stop it. But I dont really want to go anyways. I just want to know if theres somthing I can do or if it will ever go away or if I may have something like a disease or sickness or any thing. The odor and heavy discharge happened like a year and a half ago but if you have any idea what may be wrong with me without me having to see a doctor that would be great or any thing I can do to stop it please and thank you for your time and helping me!
If you wear tampons all the time, you never give your vagina a chance to breathe. It needs to air out. Not only that, but you're sucking up all the natural lubricants that regulate it by wearing tampons all the time. That's bad! Discharge is okay. It's actually a sign that you're healthy. If it makes your underwear wet, it makes your underwear wet. It's not a big deal. You'd probably be surprised to hear that every girl deals with that. Every girl gets discharge and masturbation has nothing to do with how much. As long as your underwear aren't soaked from it and you change them everyday, it's not a problem. If you do have an excessive amount of discharge and it really bothers you, use pantyliners, not tampons. Pantyliners are like mini pads. They're so small they're not going to cause any kind of discomfort for you and they're not inside your body so they won't mess up your vagina. If you don't stop using tampons when you don't have your period, you could end up with a serious infection. Right now, you're fine, but you won't be for long. Save yourself the embarrassment of having to go to a doctor and let your vagina do what it needs to do to stay healthy. Good luck. :)
my parents dont want me to have a boyfriend, I really like someone and he asked me out but my parents think i'm too young (high school sophomore). Talking about it doesnt solve it too. Shoulld i Go behind their backs?
Tell the guy yes, then go home and tell your parents. Going behind their backs isn't a good idea. They'll find out and then it'll be even worse. Depriving yourself of dating isn't a good idea either. You need to take these opportunities and experiences. Take whatever punishments your parents give you, but guess what. They can't prevent you from being this guy's girlfriend if you really want to. Good luck.
I had my frist blackout from drinking this past weekend. What does this really suggest?
Lately, I can't ear right, sleep right, I can't concentrate in school, and I don't know. I've changed in a lazy sense of way..
Everyone was telling me about what happened...and I just don't remember it for the life of me. What's happening to me? I've NEVER blacked out before.
This suggests that you're drinking way too much. How much fun can you possibly have if you're that drunk? What's the point if you can't even remember it? It's one thing to get buzzed and have a good time. It's another to get completely wasted. Lighten up on the alcohol before you put your life in danger. Limit yourself to a certain number of drinks. 2-3 is plenty. If you can't, seek help because you're well on your way to becoming an alcoholic and you don't want to go down that road.
is it bad to not to have a commitment? because i dont have ANY commitment as in i flirt with guys and stuff i cant stick with one guy so thats why i dont want a boyfriend yet im just waiting for a guy who teach me how to love. i havent went out with anyone because of my lack of commitment, because i dont want to hurt them and stuff what do you think of this? im a girl
There's nothing wrong with waiting, but you don't want to be a tease. Being a tease is one of the worst things you can be (other than a cheater). Whatever you do, don't lead guys on. Don't let them think that you'll go out with them or be sexual with them when that's not what you're going to do. So, keep your flirting down and if a guy starts flirting back a lot don't just think it'll go away. Make sure he knows what's really going on. Teasing can destroy people. Almost as much as a breakup! Good luck. :)
13/F
so me and my bf just broke up. Because his mom cought us makeing out and his mom hates me now. And he told me he still wnated 2 be friends and that we would date when he gets everything sorted out with his parents. And now i don't know what happend and all the sudden he won't text me or talk 2 me.
WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!?
All you were doing was kissing. That's pretty normal for your age. His parents need to get a grip. And so does he. If he's really interested in a relationship with you why does what his parents think matter? If he really liked you he wouldn't break up with you unless his parents made him. In any case, he wouldn't say that he just wanted to be friends if he really cared about you and the relationship you had. It might not be possible for you two to see each other, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't want you to be able to and that doesn't mean that you have to break up. See where I'm going with this? Try telling him this. Let him know that he doesn't have to have his parent's support and needs to make decisions for himself about what he wants. My guess is that his parents will calm down about it in a little while. Don't let your relationship fall apart needlessly in the meantime! If your boyfriend still won't change his mind he's not worth it. You don't want to be with a guy that doesn't truly want to be with you. Good luck.
I have to give a short presentation on a myth (any kind of religion) but people have already talked about the african, egyptian, greek, swedish and almost every other religious myth there's been.. so I can't think of anything?! Do you know of any religious myth that's kinda interesting that people have believed in at one point or another? thxx
Wow, your teacher isn't being very politically correct. That's a terrible way to put it. I wonder what would happen if you did a presentation about Christianity. If I were in your class I would take issue with this. Anyway, the Native American creation story is really cool. I suggest using that one. Good luck! :)
whats that?
It's usually referring to 5th year college students. If it's your 4th year, you're a senior. If it's your 5th year, you're still considered a senior by the college, but aren't in the same class as the 4th year seniors. It's a way to distinguish that someone has been in college for more than 4 years.
Why do young girls come on here to ask about sex when they can't even spell right? I find this to be a very sad look at young girls in american society today. Do you agree?
I actually disagree. While I'm very disappointed in some of the people that come on here for advice and do recognize teenage sexual activity as a problem in society, Advicenators in no way fully represents girls in American society today. Young girls not involved in sex, the ones not having any problems, aren't going to come on this site. If they do come on the site, they will be columnists. Look at how many amazing young female columnists we have. The smart ones will do research and know the information before coming on here and making a fool out of themselves. Yes it's a problem, but most young people aren't this way. The average age that people lose their virginity is actually 18, which is a pretty decent age for that. The average age for a person to enter into their first serious relationship is 14, again, a decent age for that. Think of it like the news. The world isn't full of bad people doing bad things. The 1000 teenagers that helped old women cross the street yesterday isn't going to make the news, the one teenager that shot an old woman for her purse is. Same with this site. The 1000 girls that aren't making poor choices aren't going to be on here asking questions about sex. The 1 girl that did make a poor choice, is. Plus, not every question is necessarily from a different person. And what about young boys? Young girls making poor choices about sex aren't having sex with themselves. Young boys are making the same poor choices with these young girls. Lets not focus just on the female population when it does take two to tango. :)
If I were to go to guidance and tell them I cut and wanted help what would they do other than call my mom.
Who else would they call and what would happen. Its not gashes but its getting worse.
If you can get them to promise not to tell anyone before you tell them anything, they won't. Try that. It seems like it's important that your mom doesn't find out, but you still do realize that you need help. Just make SURE that you get that promise before you reveal any information other than that it's a serious problem and you need help. Other than that, this hotline is always there for you too.
Self-Injury Hotline
SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Good luck.
I'm sorry if this is kinda long.
I've been going out with my bf for about 6/7 months now, and he was a virgin before and I wasn't. About two months into it we had sex, mainly initiated by me, and it's like he can't get enough of it! I just basically played up to it at first. About a month ago we had just had sex and I told him I loved him because I did. He went quiet for like a few minutes and then he said that he would wait until he truly meant it to say it to me, blah blah blah. This hurt me but as he was only being mature I just accepted it. Ever since then he never gives me any compliments that isn't to do with me being sexy or being good at something sexual etc, he although he does hang out with me if sex isn't involved I clearly get the vibe that he's not having much fun and if there is ever a possibility for something like that we WILL do it. I'm beginning to feel like I'm being used. He's also going to college soon and the idea befoer was that we'd keep it longdistance and now I'm not so sure. The thing is, I do genuinely love him, and I'm wondering if I'm just being oversensitive cos he didn't tell me he loved me - he's got a reputation as being this really nice and decent guy, and it's not like he pressured me into sex to start with! It would really upset me if I had to split up with him! There's this other guy I've been chatting to a lot recently who's really nice to me and I think he likes me for the right reasons as well - I would NEVER cheat on my bf but it's opening up my eyes to what's out there. As you see I need some help :( Thank you! .xoxo
You're not being oversensitive at all! There's NO reason why he shouldn't be able to tell you that he loves you. Sorry to say, but your boyfriend has commitment issues. I don't think he's using you, but he's going to keep you hanging for a very long time, if not forever. Since he's having these types of issues, he's not mature enough for a relationship yet. Saying "I love you" is not a big deal! It's not like it's final. It doesn't mean he has to marry you or is bound to stay with you for a long time if he says it. Love is only a feeling and feelings can change. He doesn't understand love in the context of relationships and what it really is, means, or feels like. You do. Try to explain this to him. Ask him if he's feeling trapped or confused. Let him know that if he feels love he can say it. You won't hold him to anything and he can take it back anytime he wants. If he is still having a hard time with it, it's best for you to move on. With him going to college a relationship will be hard as it is. A relationship where he isn't even comfortable enough to say "I love you" is never going to last through that. Remember, just like saying "I love you" a breakup isn't always final either. When he's ready, you two could get back together if neither of you were involved with different relationships. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can convince him that it's not a big deal for him to say "I love you", but it's a huge deal to you if he doesn't. If he really cares about you, he'll get that. If he doesn't get it and continues to be selfish, it's not a relationship and you shouldn't continue pretending that it is.
how do you masterbate?
Whether you're male or female is a key factor. Try to include your age and gender in your questions from now on.
If you're female look at this website. http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation_howto.htm
If you're male, a lot of the same stuff applies.
Good luck. :)
Me and my bf have been together for almost 10 months now and its all been great. But in the past couple of weeks he said that i'm not kissing him like I use to. I can tell that there is a difference but I don't know what to do about it. Is there anything along with kissing that I can do to keep him mind off of it? Plz help!
Just because your kisses have changed doesn't mean that your feelings have changed. Cmilner1607 is 100% right. You two have been together for a long time. Your relationship has matured and your love has grown. Your kisses are going to be different. That's not a bad thing! It's a very good thing. The adrenaline and excitement isn't there as much because it's been replaced by love. Real relationships aren't based on excitement, they're based on love. Your relationship is at an entirely different level than it was before. Try explaining this to your boyfriend. Let him know that you love him even more than before. Really old couples that have been together for 50 years don't kiss like teenagers do and you can't say that the teenagers love each other more than they do. There's no way that's true! Even though your relationship is maturing, you still don't want to get into a funk. Don't go crazy about it, but try to spice things up a little bit as cliche as that sounds. Get that fear and feeling of the unknown back in there. For example, make out in public. Do it with the door open. Try doing it outside. Try something new! The fear of getting caught or being judged by other people puts the missing adrenaline back into it. Good luck! :)
okay so i have pretty hugee hair. its curly and frizzy but i straighten it really really good everyday, and it looks rlly straight. then i go outside and like after about an hour at school, it starts to get curly and sorta frizzy and big..expecialyy in the back.
i tryed using hairspray and things on my hair, but they have alcohol in them. i usually only wash my hair everyother night... i dont like using hairspray but the alcohol in it supposidly burns your hair pretty badd.
so yeah i dont know what to do.. also i have gym 4th hour, out of 6 classes. our school has no air conditioning so my hair looks really gross afterwards.
any ideas on how i can stillg et it to look straightt and not frizzyy? ive tried pretty much every shampoo and hair product, if you have really good hair products for me that would be nice i guess. but im more looking for just tips on how i can get it to stayy straightt.
thankssss. =]
I would say after you straighten it. If nothing is seeming to work, you may want to consider to discontinue straightening your hair at all. Straightening it day after day isn't good for it either. That could actually be the cause of the frizziness. Your hair wants to be curly and you're not letting it so it's fighting back. It's better to be curly than really stupid looking. Plus, if you use the right products and take good care of it, curly hair can look awesome. Everybody's got dull, straight hair nowadays.
Try Olive Oil. No, seriously, try it. I've read that it works really well. It's worth a shot right? I would suggest using a tiny bit, a very light coating. Other than that, if you blow dry your hair, stop! Let it air dry as much as possible. Good luck. :)