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point to relationship?
I'm sorry if this is kinda long.
I've been going out with my bf for about 6/7 months now, and he was a virgin before and I wasn't. About two months into it we had sex, mainly initiated by me, and it's like he can't get enough of it! I just basically played up to it at first. About a month ago we had just had sex and I told him I loved him because I did. He went quiet for like a few minutes and then he said that he would wait until he truly meant it to say it to me, blah blah blah. This hurt me but as he was only being mature I just accepted it. Ever since then he never gives me any compliments that isn't to do with me being sexy or being good at something sexual etc, he although he does hang out with me if sex isn't involved I clearly get the vibe that he's not having much fun and if there is ever a possibility for something like that we WILL do it. I'm beginning to feel like I'm being used. He's also going to college soon and the idea befoer was that we'd keep it longdistance and now I'm not so sure. The thing is, I do genuinely love him, and I'm wondering if I'm just being oversensitive cos he didn't tell me he loved me - he's got a reputation as being this really nice and decent guy, and it's not like he pressured me into sex to start with! It would really upset me if I had to split up with him! There's this other guy I've been chatting to a lot recently who's really nice to me and I think he likes me for the right reasons as well - I would NEVER cheat on my bf but it's opening up my eyes to what's out there. As you see I need some help :( Thank you! .xoxo
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You're not being oversensitive at all! There's NO reason why he shouldn't be able to tell you that he loves you. Sorry to say, but your boyfriend has commitment issues. I don't think he's using you, but he's going to keep you hanging for a very long time, if not forever. Since he's having these types of issues, he's not mature enough for a relationship yet. Saying "I love you" is not a big deal! It's not like it's final. It doesn't mean he has to marry you or is bound to stay with you for a long time if he says it. Love is only a feeling and feelings can change. He doesn't understand love in the context of relationships and what it really is, means, or feels like. You do. Try to explain this to him. Ask him if he's feeling trapped or confused. Let him know that if he feels love he can say it. You won't hold him to anything and he can take it back anytime he wants. If he is still having a hard time with it, it's best for you to move on. With him going to college a relationship will be hard as it is. A relationship where he isn't even comfortable enough to say "I love you" is never going to last through that. Remember, just like saying "I love you" a breakup isn't always final either. When he's ready, you two could get back together if neither of you were involved with different relationships. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can convince him that it's not a big deal for him to say "I love you", but it's a huge deal to you if he doesn't. If he really cares about you, he'll get that. If he doesn't get it and continues to be selfish, it's not a relationship and you shouldn't continue pretending that it is.
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I really think that he's using you for sex. If he didn't love you, then why would he have had sex with you in the first place?
I think that you guys should break up, and that you should pursue the other relationship with the guy who opened your eyes a little wider.
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haha wow thanks! so yeah just read over the answer i answered to the same question you put in first and ask me if you have any more questions
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I am flattered you are coming to me for help. I'm really bad at relationship questions, but from reading your paragraph, I am sensing that he's not as into the relationship as you are. I understand how he has not yet said "I love you" to you back because either he may not be ready or there is some other reason. You probably do not want to do this, but you might want to ask him straight up what's up. I am glad you are noticing what else is out there as a "just in case" kind of thing. You mentioned he is going away to college soon and he might be happy at the prospects of partying and meeting new girls. I hope his reputation as a decent and nice guy isn't like he's going to be a "decent and nice guy" to all the girls he meets and flirts with them or anything just to be nice. I'm not sure, guys do change, and just be careful. That's not very nice that his compliments have nothing to do with your personality or your accomplishments or the like. I think you know what you have to do. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to take a break. Long distance relationships do work but take a lot of effort and he does not seem like he is willing to put in any energy into it. Definitely talk to him. It sounds scary, but if it is that important to you, you will have to do it. If this answer is not satisfying, put another one in my inbox and I will see what I can do more.
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