about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

my sister has let me babysit her son more and more, and i used to like it, but now it's getting ayyoning, she always makes it a huge hasel on me like making me be at her place at 6.30 AM. and im thinking of charging her 2.50 and hour. and i dont wanna be rude but i dont like waking up at 6.00 AM every morning. should i charge her money, stop whining and do it. or just not do it at all. and if i do do it, how can i ask her for money without her screaming at me and getting mad at me.

I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to charge her. After all, if she had anyone else babysitting, she'd been paying them.

I would just tell her that you're trying to earn some money and would appreciate it if she paid you for babysitting. Gently remind her that a regular babysitter would charge more than you do. If she still insists, simply tell her that you will help when you can, but not if it interferes with paying customers.

[view]

What is a growth plate? I might have hurt one in my wrist, and I just want to know what makes this different than just breaking your wrist.

Basically a growth plate is a part of your bone that hasn't finished growing yet. They usually finish growing by the time you hit adulthood. If one is fractured in a certain way, it may interfere with growth. You can find more information at the links below.
http://www.niams.nih.gov/hi/topics/growth_plate/growth.htm
http://www.rwjuh.edu/publications/sw_fall2004/plate.html

[view]

There is a long story behind this, but basically I had drunken sex that I didnt want to happen so it could be called rape, but its a whole messy story.

But anyway, onto my question. I was on the last day of my period. My period had stopped earlier on in the day. I don't even know whether the boy wrapped it up or not, and just the THOUGHT of him makes me want to vomit, so I'm not asking him. I wasnt on any birth control because I use the ring - and you take that out for the week you're on your period. I've been vomitting and feeling sick to stomach all the time since then (which was Friday night) and I can't eat. How possible do you guys think it is that I'm pregnant? And should I wait to take a pregnancy test or should I just take one now? 17/F

You need to go the gynecologist to be checked. Since you're not sure whether he used protection, you're not only at risk for pregnancy, but also STDs. I'm not sure if a home pregnancy test will be accurate yet since it's only been a few days. Your best bet is to get a blood test at the doctor's office. They're much more accurate, as well as more sensitive, than a home pregnancy test.

Good luck.

[view]

I'm 25 and have lived in my own apartment for three years, but I recently met a girl my age who has a house and a spare bedroom and wants a housemate to help with payments, so I'm going to move in with her. She's really cool and we hang out and have gotten to be friends. Here's my question: a few people (my parents, mostly) have told me that any time you're going to live with someone new you should have a set of ground rules that you both work on and agree to... like, what hours it's okay to play loud music, who's going to do dishes when, stuff like that. I told them the idea is silly because we're friends and she's going to think I'm weird and uptight if I propose something like this. If my music is too loud, she can tell me, you know?

So what do you think... should we just go with whatever for a while, or work out an agreement? What sort of stuff should we put on this list of rules if we do it?

Just sit down with her and ask her how she feels about dishes, company, music, etc. Just tell her that you don't want to disturb her so you would rather know up front so there's not a problem later. Since it is her house she will most likely have final say. Since you said she's cool I don't see where you'll have a problem. Just get the pesky issues out of the way now so there's not a fight later.

[view]

My brother weighs 170-180 pounds and is about 5' 10"-5' 11" One catch. He is about the skinniest guy I know. He has like a six pack, no lies. But everywhere I look he's overweight, like am-i-fat.com and whatever. He lifts like 120 pounds, no jokes, goes to the Health Club everyday, lifts on the Boflex... so is the scale simply not considering muscle weight, or does he need help?

Signed,
Concerned for my Brother

Online "fat calculators" are notorious for being off. They generally don't take into account a person's body frame.

It sounds to me like your brother is at a good weight. Muscle does weight more than fat; that may be where the "fat calculators" are getting thrown off.

[view]

What could be wrong if you don't have your period after 7 months? and you're definetely not pregnant..

It's possible that you simply have irregular periods. It's quite normal; many women have them. You didn't mention how long you've been having your periods. If you're just starting out with them, it's possible that your body just hasn't adjusted yet. Usually, they'll balance out after a while.

Also if your body fat percentage is too low, it will affect your periods. Do you work out or diet a lot?

I would suggest seeing your doctor or gynecologist for a checkup. They can do an exam and, if necessary, tests to determine what is causing this and how best to treat it.

Good luck.

[view]

The Terms of Service state:

"Users may not post any material which is knowingly false and or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law."

Now, how are we to determine, for instance whether a certain response is "profane"? And what constitutes a "vulgar" response? Where is the line drawn? It seems quite lame to say that the the maintainers of the web site can remove user accounts for these violations without even giving an example of what would constitute vulgarity or obscenity. Some people, for instance, consider the mention of private parts very, very profane, in which case EVERY question and answer in the "Sex Advice" section would have to be banned. Obviously that's not profane, so I have assumed I can mention things like my penis, which I will now do: Penis. But can I mention my penis in cruder terms? This may be seen as "vulgar", but who knows what people consider vulgar? In the 1920's, the word "liar" was considered vulgar! And, what with curse words like "asshole" being allowed on Prime Time television, I don't see any adequate reason to determine vulgarity! If we can be removed from the site based on these "rules", they should at least be specific enough to let us know what would constitute a violation. They are too vague to be taken seriously!

Not only that, but why are inaccurate responses reason for banning? What if I don't know if the response was accurate or not? In the case of "spiritual advice", you will occassionally get an atheist saying "God doesn't exist" and a theist saying "God exists". Obviously, ONE of these statements is inaccurate. So which one should be banned? Or is the adjective "knowingly" supposed to carry on to all the items listed? So something has to be knowingly false, knowingly vulgar, or knowingly inaccurate? In that case, then you can't really ban people for obscenity or vulgarity, because that's entirely relative, and obviously no one will "know" they are vulgar under YOUR standards, because under their own standards their prose may be perfectly prim and proper!

And what is this web site's view on humor? Humor is often vulgar, and sarcasm is often inaccurate...that's the nature of sarcastic responses! One of the most famed sex columnists, Dan Savage, (He writes the column Savage Love) is routinely sarcastic and humorous in his responses, and he's a paid professional! If we aren't allowed to do what the professionals do, I hardly see how this can bee seen as a good "advice" community! Who says advice has to be all pomp and seriousness? Why can we not have some joyfulness?

In short, it would be nice to have these issues cleared up. I am a very blunt, sarcastic, and vulgar person at times. I am worried that someone may whimsically decide to delete my account after I have put forth a lot of effort to answer many questions. So I'd like to protect myself and know exactly what all this entails!

Thank you.

I would suggest you take your concerns to DangerNerd as he is over Advicenators. You can find this column at the link below.
http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=DangerNerd

[view]

i cant understand why i cant attract any boys.Alot of my guy friends think im hot but they just think im not the girl a boy will go for as a girlfriend.i dont know whats wrong with me.if im friendly they think im desperate for friends if im not im a snob.i just cant seems to do it right.my girl friends who is less preetier seems to attract more boys.i just want to feel special sometimes.i think ill never will.

First off, we all want to feel special to someone. Don't give up hope. With some people, it just takes some time before they find their special someone.

I'm curious about your confidence level. By your comments, I get the impression that your self-esteem is kind of low right now. Are you confident about yourself? Guys and girls alike go for the ones that are confident without being stuck on theirselves.

Since you said your guy friends think you're hot, perhaps that is the problem. The guys may feel intimidated by your looks and think they'll be rejected if they make a move.

You said you were friendly. That's always a good start. Are you the clingy friend type? While all of us want to be with someone special, we also need our own space. I'm happily married, but if my husband is around 24/7 he drives me crazy. I need my "me time" and my own space.

Don't give up hope. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but your special someone is out there somewhere. Maybe he just hasn't came into your life yet.

Good luck!

[view]

i have this really weird bloated stomach which makes me look like i am about 5 months pregnant(and i am DEFINATELY not). because i am only 14 i am starting to get some weird looks in the street when it happens-one person shouted abuse in my face about it!!. It isnt there all the time, and just randomly comes....does anyone have an idea what it would be?

It sounds like you have a lot of water retention or gas. Since you said it randomly comes and goes, have you noticed it happening after you eat or drink certain things? It's possible that you may be allergic to a food or drink item and the bloating is your reaction. Does it only happen around your period? If you have a very small frame, any amount of bloating will make you look pregnant.

I would suggest talking to your doctor. While it is normal for people to be bloated from time to time, it sounds to me that you have an extreme case. A doctor can examine you to better determine what is causing the bloating and how to treat it.

Good luck.

[view]

i want to contact a local retirement home to volunteer there. i need more extra cirricular activities for college so i wanna do something like that. im thinking about emailing them, any suggestions on what i should say in an email or on the phone? i need any kind of ideas. ♥

Call the retirement home and ask for the administrator. If they're not available ask for the nursing supervisor. Let him/her know that you're interested in volunteering, the days and times you would be available to work, and what specifically interests you.

Do you want to just sit and talk? Help serve meals? Assist with activities? Call out the numbers for BINGO? Read out loud?

[view]

I'm going to the doctors the day after tomorrow cause he doesnt have hours tomorrow. so dont tell me to go to the doctor cause thats annoying. I AM going.

anyway, my right tonsil is extremely swolen. its so big that I can feel it on my tongue.

And my right gland (the lymph node on my neck) is very swolen also.

ive been sick before, but never had swolen tonsils or glands.

How come its just the right side? anyone know what this could mean? people tell me I might need my tonsils out. is this true? please help if you know what youre talking about!

It sounds like you may have tonsilitis. It's easily treated with antibiotics. Probably only the right tonsil is infected, which is why only that side is swollen. The lymph node is swollen because your body is trying to fight the infection in your tonsils. Most doctors, as I understand it, won't take your tonsils out unless they are making it difficult for you to breath, are extremely enlarged, or you're prone to frequent infections in the tonsils. Of course, it depends on the doctor. Some will take out your tonsils at the first sign of a problem.

[view]

I get headaches alot and they hurt soo bad it feels like my head will come rite off! What do I do? (and medicin doesint help)

-girl, 13yrs

First, try to figure out what, if anything, is causing the headaches. If you've been reading a lot or spending lots of time on the computer, it could be eyestrain causing the headache. Making sure to take breaks while doing these activities will help prevent eyestrain.

Since you said that medications do not work, I would suggest talking to your doctor. They can determine what is causing the headaches and then prescribe a treatment. I suffer from migraines myself and had to be prescribed prescription medicines for the pain since OTCs did not work.

[view]

Do Tums help period cramps? i rate high if i get good advice thanx!

Tums can help with the cramps since they have calcium, which is believed to fight pain signals in the body, in them.

However, for period cramps you would probably be better off using Mydol or Tylenol.

[view]

I've had an eating disorder for a couple years now. I start to get over it during the summer, then it all comes back like nothing ever happened during school. It's so bad that my clothes actually fit alot looser on me at the end of the day, that's how much weight i'm losing. But i dont' realy care. My question is, i need something to keep me going. I don't care what, but it's gonna have to be something that is like a normal drug (not a bad drug..but you know what i mean) that just..gives you a high or something. I just need ideas because i've almost fainted before and my friends know what's going on. I just need a way to stay awake and feeling really good so they won't realize. Any suggestions other than start eating again?!?!?! I'll rate high and sorry cuz it's so long.

You need to eat. Fainting is a sign that your body is shutting down from the lack of food. There are so many dangers to anorexia, most importantly it can kill you. Is being thin worth losing your life?

If you're worried about the calories in food, consider eating negative calorie foods. They burn more calories digesting than they have to start with which means they're freebies. Try eating asparagus, apples, beets, berries, broccoli, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celery, chili, cucumbers, lettuce, grapefruit, lemons, mangos, onions, oranges, papayas, pineapples, spinach, turnips, and zucchini.

[view]

My sister is coming to visit me from out of town. She has 2 kids ages 1 and 3. I don't have kids of my own and am a single guy, which means I know nothing about having little kids around the house. Can someone maybe give me some tips on what I might need to do to childproof my house before they get here? I don't want my nephews getting hurt!

Remove anything breakable or that you don't want them to touch high enough that they can't reach it.

Hide anything that's small enough to fit in their mouth. If it'll fit, they'll try to put it in.

Put all cleaners up where they can't reach or invest in some cabinet locks. They're fairly inexpensive and keep them from being able to open the cabinet.

If you have pets, put their food dishes, litter box, etc where the kids can't get to them. Also if your pets aren't used to being around kids, it might be a good idea to put them somewhere the kids can't get too them. A child can sometimes be rough without realizing it.

Put any medications, vitamins, etc where they can't reach.

Put plastic bags out of reach.

Invest in some outlet protectors. They're fairly cheap, about a dollar or two for a pack of 10. Put them in any outlets that do not have something plugged in.

If you have tablecloths on any tables, remove them so the kids can't pull whatever is on the tables down on them.

Make sure any cords and wires are hidden.

Keep the bathroom door shut.

Shut all doors inside or invest in some bumper guards for your doors. They block the door from shutting all the way, preventing little fingers from getting smashed.

If you have rugs down and you can trip on them, take them up.

When cooking, try to cook on the back burners if at all possible. Make sure knives are placed far back on the counter. If you use a dish towel, put it far back on the counter.

[view]

What vitamins are good for healthy skin and where is the best place to get these vitamins.

I am completely against supplements so if you mention supplements.. you instantly score a 1 :) i just wanna know the best sources to get the vitamins/minerals without taking supplements

Vitamin A strengthens the protective tissue of the skin, is essential for maintenance and repair of the tissue skin is made of, and is a powerful antioxidant which helps flush toxins from your body, which protects your skin. You can get it by eating lots of fruits and vegetables. More foods at the link below.
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5551.html

Vitamin B complex helps to maintain even skin tone and improved circulation. You can get this vitamin by eating whole-grains and vegetables. See link below for more foods. For a more detailed breakdown on all the B vitamins as well as the foods that contain them, see the link below.
http://health.ivillage.com/eating/evitamins/0,,68,00.html


Vitamin C acts as an antioxidant (see Vitamin A) and prevents the appearance of broken blood vessels. You get it through eating fruits, especially citrus fruits, and colorful vegetables (broccoli, peppers, etc). The link below has a more complete list.
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5552.html

Vitamin E is also an antioxidant which also reduces inflammation of the skin. You can get it by eating foods prepared in some oils (corn, sunflower, peanut and olive oil for a few), nuts and vegetables. For a more complete list, see the link below.
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5554.html

Hope these help.

[view]

My Bat Mitzvah is in October and I'm JUST starting to learn my haftroah. In my hebrew school, it is belived that women don't need to read from the torah. I can read as much hebrew as I please. I have like no time to learn about 8 lines of hebrew!! I'm getting very stressed out and I'm trying very hard to learn the hebrew but my nerves keep me from doing so!! Does anyone have any suggestions to calm me down and learn the part??!!

Post the lines where you'll see them often. Just seeing something a lot will help. Set aside a couple times a day to read the lines. Perhaps when you get up and before you go to bed. Speak the words out loud. Our brains remember things we hear better than things we read.

Good luck!

[view]

My mom is really riding my case about getting a part time job since I am planning to wed next year. I would have a job if I didnt have 18 hours this semester. that is a lot of responsiblity. Its not like this will push the wedding back It would just get me more details on my big day. I want her to back off but she is my mom how do I tell her?22/f

If the issue is one of money for your wedding expenses, then I can see where your mom's concern is coming from. However if the issue is having money to do what SHE wants for your wedding, then I would simply sit her down for a talk. Tell her that you love her and you appreciate her wanting to help but the wedding is your decision and you would prefer to stay within the budget that you already set. Let her know that the little "extras" aren't important to you.

If your mom is helping pay for the wedding, I can see where she would want some say-so in the planning. On the other hand, if you and your husband-to-be are paying for the wedding yourselves, it's not her concern.

[view]

Im looking to get an airbrush. I've never done it before and im not really artsy. I was looking to spend no more than $120. I already have a compresser from home depot for other things and i assume that will work. Does anyone know what a good brush to start out with is? I was hopeing to get a starter kit if anyone could reccommend one!

I'm not sure what brush would be best but I did find a site that offers kits at fairly low prices. It also has books and videos on airbrushing.
http://www.airbrushcity.com/

Good luck!

[view]

Hey im trying to find site where i can share my poems. I found this place:http://poetry.tetto.org/
but i cant really figure out how to use it, i dont want help using it i want to find a different site that offers the same things..
I'll rate high for good answers...
thanks.

- The Dark poet

For websites that you can post your poetry and get reviews and suggestions, I would try some of these.
http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/
http://www.your-poetry.com/

I highly recommend the link below. Many of the members have years of experience in writing, some even professional, and offer some great advice and suggestions. The basic free package gives you room for 5 pieces of your work. You can earn an upgraded membership with more room by simply logging in every day, entering contests, and reviewing other people's work.
http://www.Writing.Com/?i=1&rfrid=ncblondie

Good luck!

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker