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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again?
Ohh Honey, you are going to have to learn to have some respect for yourself first and love yourself enough to not allow yourself to end up with someone like him.
Guys this age are not ready to commit generally. High school dating doesnt count much either. Its what happens more in ones 20's where we really begin to grow up and mature and really learn the do's and don't of dating and relationships. He may not really have a clue what he is looking for in a girl "submissive who doesnt pick up his bad habits"...I am sorry but hearing a guy say he wants a submissive woman just gets my dander up. It should never be the guy running the show with the woman doing His every wish, doing His will, anticipating His every need, and doing everything for Him without Him doing all the same for her.
Relationships and marriage or long term couples is all about there being a balance. It cant be one doing all the doing and the other being a dead weight. Relationships like that are unhealthy. When you said you did every for him even if it went against your morals, that was the wrong thing to do...but the good thing is that you got to find that out and know better now from experience. Never do that every again.
By doing that to impress and win the love and respect of a young man, young gals are actually creating spoiled monsters and the young men will never learn to treat a female better if they have a constant stream of females ready to fall all over themselves to place him on a pedestal and treat him like a KING and choose to take on the role of being one of his 'subjects' of his realm...in essence slaving and working hard to make sure the King has everything.
If thats the kind of life you want, then go ahead and continue what you are doing, but you will never end up the Queen at some guys side, only a hard working peon of his realm to be used by him.
What you have essentially been doing dear, is placing him in the drivers seat of the relationship, allowing him to have control of it. Some guys won't allow the woman to have a say in the relationship and some women are not willing to be one of the drivers of the relationship. It should be equal time in the relationship, each having a say and doing what ever they can to please the other.
What is needed is that women take control. Instead of trying to win the guy, it should be the other way around, the guy doing whatever he can to win the woman. And a guy is not going to be able to win a woman easily who has set high ideals, knows what she wants, is not afraid to ask for it, and is not willing to lower her standard for any guy. That dear, is confidence in the extreme and a self respect for yourself. And that is a very attractive quality in women for the mature men. A great amount of guys will pass you by and say you're asking too much and expecting too much....guess what!! You've just rules out all the undesirable guys.
If you want someone who will be equal partners with the right girl, is looking to fall in love and make a commitment and treat his lady like a Queen, then you have to come at thing dating thing from a totally different stand point. I have studied several relationship experts and they all say the same thing, so I am not making this up. If you want different results, you have to begin doing things differently.
So first, you need to know what you are looking for in a guy who will be perfect for you. That means, you have to also know well, who you are. Not your accomplishments but who you are at core, what makes you tick, your passions, your beliefs, hopes and dreams, and only then can you begin to form a list of what you Need and what you Want in a guy. If you want to have kids someday, then a Need would be, a guy who also really wants kids someday. Some don't. You dont want to even think about dating someone and getting to the point of having your heart attached to him hoping things will change. Nope, he either meets the check points on your list right now, (because there is no guarantee he will change) or do not even date the guy.
I am talking about a real list dear and I know it works. At 20 I married a man who ended up being verbally abusive tho he didnt show that side of himself until after I married. I learned the hard way. You are reaching out for advice now so you dont have to learn the hard way after this. But i made the list to search for my 2nd husband. And I got everything I wanted. Its a bit over 5 years and he loves me and treats me like a Queen. He always puts me first before his own needs and wants. I found him on a dating site. Had tons of guys write me cus they liked my looks. They were not concerned with anything beyond surface level with me so I paid them no attention, no matter how darn cute or handsome they were.
Dont wait for the guy to tell you what they expect, you tell them!! If they are interested in dating you, get out your list and ask if he meets the points on your list. If he doesnt, you say you are not interested. You Cant Be Weak...stick to your priorities. I have literally been contacted by hundreds of guys. I have responded to those who seemed favorable and gave them a chance and after meeting in person and going on a couple dates found they have lied about some important points to me, I dropped them. Thats what you have to do cus not everyone is going to be truthful. Take time to get to know the guy. After a handful of dates you should already know if you want to invest the time to get to know him better. the moment anything changes and just once you see something that goes against your list ideals, or your principles and morals, stop seeing the guy...no more contact! Do not make excuses in your mind for him. The first time you see something you dont like, you can trust there is more of the same laying hidden inside. He can't give you a glimpse of something that isn't there inside of him.
Remember, you are not a guys personal servant, if thats what he wants he can hire one. What you want is a real loving devoted relationship where both of you are on equal ground and share a healthy balanced outlook and future. If you have any other particular questions, let me know, I'd be glad to answer.
I'm a 14 year old girl and I moved a few months ago. I've always been such a good girl. A quiet, rule following, sweet, helpful teacher's pet. Exactly what every mother wants out of her little girl. And that's how my reputation is at school is too, the nice girl, the smart girl, the goody two shoes. I'm described as "cute" or "adorable" never "pretty" or "hot". I once accidently dropped a weight on my foot in gym and I let the f word slip by accident and everyone turned and gasped. If it had been anyone else no one would've cared, but I was a good girl so it was a big thing. I hurt someone's feelings on accident once and I cried and apologized to her whole family because I felt so bad. But ever since I've moved, I've cared less. I feel like I don't want my squeaky clean image anymore. I want to be cool. And that's exactly what's happening: I'm getting snafu and sarcastic and distancing myself from my friends because I don't care anymore. But I don't really want this, I don't know what I want. I feel so conflicted. What do I do?????
Often when a person chooses to do that which they know is not right, and takes a new but less desirable path, it is often subconsciously the mind crying out for attention and figuring this is the only way to get, the kind of attention where one's feelings and opinions are acknowledged and taken into consideration.
Basically, you are at an age when teens are trying their own wings in an adult world, making more decisions for their-selves and apparently this move of the family was something that hit hard with the realization that not all things yet in life are going to be things you can have a deciding vote in and that is frustrating.
I think the other advice person is right , that you are basically forcing yourself to act this new way, a way that is not you. It is very stressful on a person to keep up an image, false personality that is not truly theirs, no matter what the reason. Basically it drains you of energy and when a person is drained of their personal energy, it leaves the body open to become actually ill in several areas, usually phycial illness but in can open you to emotional illness such as in becoming depressed.
The more you keep your frustrations inside and don't talk about them, the more they will fester and cause you to rebel. The talking won't change the fact that you had no choice in the matter of the move. If you do wish for the parents to discuss such big things with you, and wish to be able to give your input and concerns, then tell them. You won't have final deciding vote.
However, at your age is a good time for kids to learn how to appeal to the parents in any decisions they make for you, by providing new information they may not have had the first time around to help them make a better decision and switch their original answer yes or no. So its good to want to have some deciding power and influential power in the family and start learning. But in some things you'll still not end up getting the way you wanted, but its much more rewarding knowing you have had a voice and done your best. This I've learned from a parenting class. You might show this to the parents. And also have that talk about how you are feeling and what you are doing, like you revealed to us. Its the first step toward you feeling better and getting back to your normal self. I believe your normal self is a very intelligent girl or you wouldnt have written this as well as you did. Be yourself, but take care not to blame or make accusations but talk with the parents in the thoughtful, wise manner as you have here.
So... I have been having this issue going on for some time now. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and my mom has not liked him for a while. I first thought that it was a phase. Then, I thought she would grow to like him eventually. But, now it is worse than ever. He was away for a few months for something that he needed to do for school. Those months were pure bliss with my mom. I finally remembered what it was like to love my mom again because we weren't butting heads. We were just friends. I'm 23, by the way. I live with my mom and grandparents at the time because I cannot afford to move out. I live in an expensive city and I'm a teacher, so I don't make very much money. I had a plan to move out, etc. when I had some more money just so that I could have peace of mind. But, it's not happening right now... at least for another couple of months. This summer, like I said, my mom and I re-kindled our relationship.
Upon his return, it was like everything I ever saw in him was different. Things that I took as a joke now seemed serious and rude. For instance, today, I was running late or wanted to slightly change our plans and he told me that my mother was a psycho liar and that I should never believe anything she says. PS, he doesn't know how she feels about him. He was just saying so because she was part of the reason I had to change the plans. Then, I told him that we have all had to sacrifice our plans at one point and I gave him the example about how we both left town on my birthday (to the same place) and didn't see each other because he was with his family and I was with mine. He could have chosen to come with me and I could have chosen to go with his family. But, it was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family. I was just using it as an example. I wasn't implying anything about it. This was months ago! And he said that it was my fault that he didn't see me because I decided to go with my family. We were in the same city! He could have certainly made an effort to take a cab or even send some flowers to my hotel... i don't know. I'm not saying something huge. Just an effort to know he was thinking of me. I've excused his behavior since I've met him. Now, I look back and see that it wasn't so nice of a thing to do. And before summer, I would have excused this too and say "he's just frustrated." Now I see how quickly his anger escalates and I don't like it.
There have been other situations that have happened in the past. Like, how he got angry at me because I didn't have cash to pay for parking when he had a wallet full of cash. If we've had a difference in political views, he turns bright red in anger and has pushed me away. One time, he was fighting with someone over politics and I thought they were just talking until I walked through the middle to throw something away. They were at a reasonable distance away from each other so it wasn't like I was cutting through them. He got angry both at me and the other person, but grabbed me and bent my thumb to my wrist. It was throbbing till the next day. I have excused it all. It was like I was under some weird spell. And now, I see how wrong it is.
So, this question is going to be broken down into a few pieces. First of all... I wouldn't even know HOW to end it. I feel like I still care. It's not like I'm a ball of fury. It's just that I think that I deserve to be happy. I want to feel loved. And I have felt loved before, so I know the difference. I don't always want to feel scared that I've offended him. And I can only see this getting worse. Imagine... bending thumbs now... how about when we are married? How about by the time we hit a 20 year anniversary? Do you really think it's going to get better? But, it's just hard. It's like I'm not ready... even though I know this is necessary. How can I get over this? What do I do?
Secondly, I have some issues with my mom that need to be addressed too. She turns into a PSYCHO when he's around. When he's not, she's my best friend. When she's around, she wants to throw me out of the house and tells me that she hopes I know that if I'm with him, she will never be a part of my life and she won't want to meet her grandkids. As much as I love my mom, this is unacceptable behavior from a parent. She is in no way providing a safe environment for me to come to her with real issues that a mother is to help her daughter with. Instead, I feel fear. Then, I burst into anger because I get angry at the fact that at 23, I need to live in fear. And then I feel even angrier because if it weren't for financial issues, I would be able to move out. So, it turns into a whole circle.
I don't want to be deciding this for my mom. I just wish someone can extend a hand and just say: "I think this is what you should do." An objective person. Someone who is not in this situation at all. I am crying out for help. Please answer!
You express yourself well and from what you say, I pick up that you are intelligent, mature and good at picking up on things.
With the boyfriend, here's most likely why you see things different now.
With anything new that comes into our lives, there is a certain excitement and feeling that comes with it, this is not what the normal feelings will be once the newness excitement wears off. It always will and what you are left with is what the real situation is. Think of kids with the much desired toy they got at Christmas, eventually the toys exciting qualities wore off and it was discarded or ignored. It happens in relationships. The break helped too, so you finally were able to see things as they really are. You have feelings which we all do to some extent when we really try to become a couple, date and get close to someone. The only way a human can really do that is by making sure there is no wall around their heart. So in effect, you make yourself emotionally available and vulnerable. Because each situation can go very well or become very hurtful..
One thing you need to make sure is that you are not settling for less, no matter what emotional feelings still connect you to him. Feelings come from and are stored in our subconscious mind and the sub is not as quick as the conscious mind to readjust to changes that happen or need to be made such as a break up and that is why we find it hard to do so. If you can understand that this is a normal part of breaking up and understand why you are breaking up, for a good solid reason, not just for frivolous ideals that really dont exist, then you will eventually find your sub. mind adjusting over time to the loss and when better ventures come along realize you aren't actually missing anything.
As for looking ahead how you will feel in 20 years, that is a smart thing to do. It was the catapult that got me to leave a 30 yr abusive marriage. I had him finally seeing a pychologist and the man told me that improvement if any will be very slow for the husband, in fact, many never do get better in their lifetime. I had a decision to make and thinking could I go through another 20 years of pretty much the same as I had so far, I could not do. Its easily to trick ourselves into making it through by focusing on one day at a time, able to handle another week, maybe another year like that, but many years...no.
As for your mom, has she acted unsupportive of your past dating partners? Or was she 'pyscho' as you call it? You dont have to answer me, I just want you to focus on the answer. If it's a pattern, it could be she is subconsciously taking an action she may not be aware of, in order to prevent you from leaving her and starting a home and family of your own someday. And you are of the age range when many young women do exactly that. If she acted like this only toward the current boyfriend, it could be she either saw this one as a more serious relationship than the others, or that she truly saw the undesireable qualities he has very clearly.
If she did see him as undesirable, there are several better ways she could have conveyed that to you, although hard as long as you were in the new excite energy phase of the relationship. But from what you describe, mom went about this by giving ultimatums, and acting immature, basically like a child throwing tantrums. Its just a more sophisticated type of tantrum than the crys and flying fists of a child, but tantrum all the same...meant for getting her way. Or in this case, to get you to see things her way. At her age, if she still deals with life immaturely in her responses, she's unlikely to change for the rest of her life. Its possible but it won't happen from you pointing it out. Desire to change has to come from within. She uses ultimatums to get her way, but I'll bet after some time, if you ignored her ultimatums lets say over some future nice guy, and you married him, she would find she is not willing to stick with her ultimatums because its a lonely place, and if she truly loves you as her daughter, the love and loneliness will win out and she will wish to come visit and see her grandchildren. Make sure the door is always open to Mom as long as she treats you, hubby and kids well, no negative stuff.
Living in an expensive city is never going to change your ability to move out. Finding a guy to marry and having 2 incomes might make it so you can squeak by but then you're a slave to the job and wont be able to stay home with any child that comes along and yet possibly not be able to afford childcare either.
You do need to look at what possibilities there are for finding jobs somewhere else in the state, or country where the cost of living is much more manage able. Sometimes, where you move to is going to be dictated by having someone you can initially stay with. If you have any relatives who live in a better economic climate or friends, cousins on their own...it is worth a try. But you want to secure that place to go first, then start looking for work and trying to secure a teaching job in the other location before leaving your current job and city, that way you can pay a little to whomever gives you a place to stay while saving up for your own place. But it's not going to be do-able in your city.
If there's any other questions I can help with or clarify anything, let me know.
But if I were you, I'd let this guy go, cus he doesnt sound too ideal. If you'd like my instructions on how to understand the purpose of dating and how to narrow down looking for the right guy, let me know cus it would make this long response even longer to post here right now.
Hi, I'm female, fifteen, and I've been in band for four years now. When I was younger, I used to be able to fall asleep to music, especially classical, but since I've gained a deeper understanding of what I'm hearing, I can't anymore. I'm tangled up in the sound, picking the music, chords, apart. It's an exciting thing for me. Lots of the time, I'll hear something that totally enthralls me, I get super excited. I tense up, clench and unclench my fists, and take in a really sharp breath, sometimes it's a sharp gasp. And I feel like I can Physically feel the music. It's the most amazing feeling ever. I started trying to figure out what it was and I think It's almost like sexual excitement, but without the "lusty" feeling. What is this and why do I experience this? And, would anyone know if it's normal to hear music you've never heard before in your dreams? Thanks in advance! :D
It sounds like a couple things, having a deep passion for music, having a gift of having a musical ear and being able to pick apart chords and sounds to pick up on the emotions and feelings behind each sound. That is a very special gift to have and not every musician, singer,song writer has it.
You won't easily to able to compare yourself to the masses as a good majority don't have this ability to pick up on feeling and emotion in music or even more so to create new music that does have it.
This will make the difference between a good song, which is one that entertains you and the great song which will move you and affect you on many levels as it engages all your emotions.
There are songs whose melody...not the words but the sound are such that as soon as I start listening, it releases any stress and I am able to relax...or it makes me seem to refill my inner well of joy and I feel excitement, well being and my spirit feels as if its soaring.
You have a great talent. You may want to pursue music as in creating songs, songtrack. Those sounds that add suspense or sadness or happiness in movie scenes are using the gifts you have. A job like that would be rewarding or song writing for therapy.
In natural health and healing it has long been known that sound, and particular sound waves aid health and healing and sound therapy is popular in music, use of gongs, tibetan bowls and crystal bowls that are played to achieve the sounds that help relax, de-stress, un block and heal.
Good luck in what ever direction you go with your gifts.
Female, fifteen. I used to have pretty calm, light, dreams, other than the occasional nightmare. I never fell to my death. When I fell, I floated down and landed lightly on the ground, couldn't feel a thing. There wasn't much sound. As I've gotten older, my dreams have become more complex. I have dreams where I visit a place and then in another dream, possibly months later, i revisit that same place and there's a different situation, but I recognize that it's the same place and that it's different. Like one I had where these old ladies hold antique sales in this huge old mansion or something. When I revisited, They were fighting with each other over customers. I've started hearing music in my dreams, as of maybe a year ago, which had never happened before. In that same dream, this old lady and I wathced a little boy play piano, and he was amazing. I'd never heard the music before. AND the weird thing, the keys on the piano were reversed. Lower on the right and higher on the left. A little more recently than that, I'd noticed that I was developing more physical sensitivity. I can physically feel things. As of very recently, I'm noticing that I'm developing way more of a conscience. Lately, I've been able to recognize a dream when I'm in it. I try to wake myself up from scary dreams and get worried when I can't. Is this development normal and something that naturally occurs as you get older, or is this something of significance?
Lucid dreaming is when you know you are dreaming. Not everyone is able to do that and it sounds like you are starting to do that. Theres one excercise you can do in a dream to train yourself to have more control like being able to leave the dream, wake up when you want. In every dream, at some point, tell yourself to look at your hands. I have tried and tried and only been able to do it once. Some people can feel they are lifting their fore arms to look at them but they dont always see hands at first or they look really strange. It should come to the point where its more like you are pulling back to watch like watching a movie where you can look down and see your lap or hands, rather than being stuck only being the character in the dream unable to escape. If I misunderstood or you have other questions, let me know. My husband is the one who tried to teach this to me and read about it somewhere.
I'm 13 years old and iv'e lived in India my whole life. Many people tell me I have an american accent but I don't think I do. Everyone in my family speaks English but i'm starting to feel self conscious about my accent
It is entirely possible for one member of a family to sound like they have an accent. One of my daughters while in grade school sounded like she had a "Boston" (east coast) accent even though the rest of us sounded like west coast where we lived. Cant say why it happens but those slight differences do happen. My daughter is in her twenties now and there is no longer any accent. A females voice changes just as a boys does once you have ended up going through puberty. So whatever you sounded like in childhood is not how you're going to sound as a adult. There will always be the few exceptions but that is normal.
I would suggest talking to your family, letting them know how it makes you feel self conscious and ask that they stop referring to it.
Just the fact that you speak the english language shouldn't affect speech to sound like you have an English accent. Afterall your family still retains the accent of your native tongue when speaking english. It takes some serious voice training such as actors and actresses do for a role they are playing to take on a heavy Scottish,or Irish accent if they are American english. If you came to the U.S. to live one day, surrounded all the time by nothing but English speaking, the way you speak some words will change a little after a long time. It happens even here on the continent, moving to another part of the country, we sound different and strange even though still speaking English and eventually pick up a few of the ways of speech of the particular area we leave.
what do I do if my spacer won't go back between my teeth?
You need to see the dentist who put it there. It's not a big deal, just call and tell them what happened and they'll fit you in quickly cus it wont take much time, it's just a little fix.
My boyfriend had sex with me yesterday and it was my first time doing it he didnt pop my"cherry" and today I feel sick and my stomach was bouncing, what does it mean? And can I still get pregnant if my "cherry" isn't popped?
Your cherry is called a hymen and for many females, the hymen never tears and there is no popping like with a balloon. I have a video for you to watch in which the gal uses a prop to describe what the hymen is and can look like.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA
Hope you watched that. So it stretches, and there's always enough opening for your monthly periods to flow out or for you to insert a tampon or a dildo and of course, room to accomodate a penis.
I hope you are Wanting to get pregnant cus if there was no condom used and if you are not on the pill or some other birth so control, you can possibly become pregnant.
However, a person doesnt become pregnant overnight. It takes the sperm time to travel to the egg if one has even been released. If no eggs, you can't become pregnant. Then the fertilized egg needs to travel to the uterus to imbed itself in the lining and once it does, you are pregnant. So if you dont want to become pregnant and had unprotected sex, you need to use Plan B, the morning after pill which is effective for several days after sex but more effective the sooner used just in case. No, you can't know if you will become pregnant this time or not if you dont want that to happen the plan B must be used as a precaution.
I think either its a coincidence that you are just becoming ill with a bug or virus if you feel sick, or your mind is so worried about becoming pregnant that your subconscious mind is bringing into reality some symptoms that you believe in limited knowledge of sex, reproduction etc... to be signs of pregnancy. You do not have any pregnancy signs until the egg attaches so its too soon for true pregnancy symptoms.
(This is gonna be a little too long, I'm sorry, but I feel like it has to be so you can understand the situation better. I'm sorry.)
Okay, so I have this friend online for like almost a year now but we've never really talked except for occasional simple pleasantries whenever we catch each other online. We've never met each other personally. Then one day, I posted something about my break up and he tried to talk to me about it. So I told him everything and he said he's there for me if I ever need someone to talk to. So since then, I've been talking to him whenever I feel bad and whenever I feel nice about myself for trying to move on. And then I made a Skype account because he said he's not on Tumblr all the time and we can talk there easier. We continued talking to each other whenever we both have time.
Then one time, he told me he's willing to be a friend, or someone I can eventually fall for, or even someone who can be my escape and my support until I'm moved on and all better from everything that's going on in my life. He said he's willing to basically be anyone I want him to be. And when I asked him why he's doing this, he said and I quote, "I don't know. I just know I want to stay right beside you until I figure out how to help you." He also said that maybe I can try falling in love with him one day. Maybe slowly and taking it easy, so we don't end up just hurting me. We continued chatting and I so far, everything I like in a guy, I see in him. Everything I wanted to see from my ex, I see in him. So since then, we both felt like there's something else between us, and we didn't deny it from each other. We DON'T deny it. Especially after he told me, "I just... Want to be what you deserve. And you deserve the best." He even called me once and said that he knows I'm going through a rough time but that I should remember he's right there for me and will never leave me.
I've asked him if he's open to the idea of us developing feelings for each other one day, or you know, if ever. He said that right now he's more interested in being my support. Because being a lover will only damage me more even if he stayed as a lover. I asked him a simpler question: "Would you catch me if I ever fall for you?" And he gave me a 'yes' faster than Quicksilver.
So I'm just wondering what we are right now, since we're friends but we can't exactly be called "just friends" because we both feel some kind of attraction or interest to each other and we're both open to the idea of being together if ever, but at the same time we're not exactly together yet. Any thoughts will be very much appreciated. Thank you. :)
I used dating sites and thats how I met my husband. I know the danger of anything on line entering more into 'theater of the mind' than becoming a reality that works for you. It's easy for a person to hide things about themself on line. In short term on line to meeting guys in person, I was fooled all too often by their on line presence, even phone calls but face to face they were something else, or I discovered they had lied about things about themselves that wasnt true or if they really were great and who they said they were, the friend aspect was there but chemistry was missing so we could not move on into the romance part of relationship.
I am not saying your guy is lying. He actually sounds like a real wonderful man if all is true about him and he is not attached in any way to another female dating, engaged or married. I am just saying dont get your hopes up until you meet face to face and can continue to do so often enough to get to know each other better.
When my husband and I met online, we talked for hours every night for a week before we met face to face. I remember him saying that at the very least he knew for sure that we could be very good friends for each other if not something more. Neither of us had our hopes up for that part until we met. When we did, it was between jobs for me and during his delivery route break, only 20 min. but that was enough to feel the chemistry enough to want to explore more. Busy schedules meant we had to wait for the next weekend to have some hours together.
As to his words spoken, sounds a bit like my husband. Although he didn't just focus on me but stated who he realized what his role as a male is in relationship to any female he comes across, not just me. He is supportive, encouraging and will uphold females that come into his life in whatever practical ways they need. So the widow next door got his help restringing her clothes line, changing lightbulbs, cutting her grass for her. His time and energy went to me first though but if he saw or sensed a need in other women, he would do something. Clerks at the store were told that he liked their jewelry, something to make them feel good about themselves...kind uplifting words the most people never hear in a day from anyone, acknowledging them as a real individual not just another person in a sea of people.
Right now you need to be able to build trust with him before moving on to anything more like a lover. The only way I know that can happen is though life experiences. Its the 24/7 stuff you encounter with him and his consistancy to be the person you believe him to be with no variances of the bad sort. When he is a constant, unwavering quantity in your mind and you can fully trust him, then you both with be able to proceed further if the chemistry is there. Be aware of new relationship energy, the same new anything energy, like kids have over a new christmas toy...that energy and excitement fades after a while and the toy doesnt draw the kids attention like it once did. Same in relationships...and you need to be together as friends long enough to know if the interest and feelings are going to fade cus they were temporary or if they are going to last for a life time. Good luck. Go meet your man.
I am 12 and I watch porn is that a bad thing
No, essentially porn is not bad, its part of exploring your sexuality as others have said.
The only thing I would caution is not to believe what you see portrayed in porn to be a true representation of what is sanitary, healthful practices or even realistic in actual couples sex. It's twisted quite often to play tricks with the camera such as tv shows and movies have been doing for ever. We have enough sense to know we can't just step out of a window like Peter Pan and fly but I had also heard from grown men who believe some of the stuff they see in porn which could cause a female to become very ill and need to see a doctor. Keep that in mind. If you offset porn with time spent actually studying male and female anatomy in books or online, and studying under what different circumstances females get pregnant, how to avoid that, then you will be in a better spot. For later years, make sure to study what is safe sanitary sex for the female and what is not, how to pleasure your partner and such. there isn't much sex ed taught anymore, you will need to self educate. So if you are watching porn for education value rather than to become aroused, trust me, its not a good way to get sex education.
We just broke up barely 6 months ago. We were together for 9 months and recently started seeing each other again for a few months.after brake up. He never mentioned seeing anyone else at all. We were together last Wed. and he proposed to her on Saturday? He told me in the beginning of the relationship he was over her as she had left town to be with someone else.I confronted him about being engaged and he was really cruel and cold and nonchalant about it! I feel I'm going crazy because I feel it's wrong to sleep with someone you know has feelings for you, and then a few days later ask another person to marry you? He feels he did nothing wrong because he didn't promise me a relationship but he also didn't make it clearly that he wasn't interested in working things out either.
Okay, so based on what happened, what have you learned?
Obviously you still want to find your own prince charming to wed some day. In this guy, you saw a lot of things you don't like. Do you think you could recognize the warning signs of a guy who can't be trusted or taken at his words, hides things, isn't considerate of your feelings, etc...?
This is one of life's hard and painful lessons we have to learn before we can find our prince. I had to go through it too. The majority of us have to go through experiencing the terrible things about a guy first so we can recognize it and decide to make an improvement on the next guy we date.
Now that you know what the personality/character traits of an undesirable man look like, keep that in mind to avoid the moment you see it. Dont let this stop you from looking for the right guy. Lots of young guys havent a clue yet and havent grown up. But there are a few mature guys out there looking for that girl to love and cherish.
Make a list also of all the things you want in a guy too and keep looking for that.
Initially when meeting a guy, he'll be on best behavior so if he's one of the undesirable ones, he'll be putting on a fake personality. But that is tiring to do 24/7 so after a few times meeting him, maybe a couple weeks, but surely after one month if you're seeing each other alot,,,, you will have seen the mask slip and see his true character. And yes, it may look like a bunch of little things easily ignored or explained away. Nothing too serious. Thats like saying that a crack in a dam is not too serious, even when a little water is seen leaking out at times. Its justa a matter of time before that dam will break and in a relationship, its a flood of hurtful treatment behavior, in consistancis, etc...
The moment you see this stuff next time, it may be a sign that something untrustworthy is hiding, ready to pop out at any time. Maybe not, but in my life 9 times out of 10, those seemingly insignificant actions or words of the guy were clue that things were only going to get worse. I wish I knew that when I was young. But I got to put to work what I learned in finding my prince charming the 2nd time around in marriage.
good luck to you dear.
I'm 13 and I know that all teenagers have acne but I have an unusual amount. My denatiligist have me a cream but it's not helping. I clean my face with a gently soap and cloth in the morning and evening then pay it dry with a towel, use the cream my dermatologist gave me, and pull my hair out of my face. Even after all of this my face is oily again a few minutes later. With seven kids, my parents really can't afford any of those special soaps. What can I do? Are there any home remedies that really work? Oh, and the acne is in my forehead, chin, and cheekbone area if it matters.
Applying clay masks is good for oily skin. The clay absorbs oil. But of course you cant be using that several times a day.
Actually, not all teenagers have acne. Maybe these days they do due to whats in the food we eat and in our environment. I remember middle school and high school well still tho I'm grandma age and I know that the majority of us did not have acne then, only a handful of kids had severe acne. So really, that wasn;t even 1% of the kids.
So kids today have an uphill battle. I cant say what will work but if creams aren't working, if I were you, I'd start checking out what the natural health community has to offer in help. I know that one thing good for the skin is massage which helps in carrying extra toxins away. more oil might be released at first but with constant facial massages, the blood would be able to flow to help the skin look better. I would check to see whats on the internet for 'alternative cures for acne" Check you tube videos too. Natural health magazines or try the health section at the bookstore for the latest on what alternative things can be done to help with acne. If there was something that really helps to clear it, pharmaceuticals are not going to sell it...only things to somewhat control it. It something cured acne or peoples illnesses, then money could not be made on medicines and creams. I still believe doctor care is needed, just that what most American doctors are taught to dispense doesnt always work the best. There are doctors in other countries who know old time remedys. Hard to find but they are here in the US too. However since the parents can't pay for you to visit them, I suggest finding a book written by a natural health professional specializing in skin care and see what can be found and try what is written in that book. Sorry I can't be of more help.
I'm going into 6th grade September 4th and every other day we have gym, so I'll survive with 3 sweat pants. My mom bought 2, one is plain black wich will be fine, another one has fierce in flashy pink across the top. Hopefully no one will notice and we won't have to tuck in our shirts. Or it'll come off in the wash. And the only sweat pant I wouldn't die of embarrassment wearing isn't exactly gonna blend in, the top of it is pink an black cheeta print with some sparkles, and if that isn't bad enough, there's a big peace sign with pink outlines and silver sparkles. Also it just HAS to say justice under it not that big but still. It worked for 5th grade but I doubt it'll work for middle school. How can I fix this?
Wear them inside out? No, really if wearing gym shorts for gym is not allowed, then I guess you're stuck having to wear sweat pants. Perhaps that is all that stores are offering this year so there is no choice for plain ones.
If thats the case, then go check out the 2nd hand stores for older, plainer, non embarrassing sweats. The sooner you find 2nd hand sweats, the sooner mom can return the ones you dont want to wear.
I use to use pads but I find them uncomfortable and I don't like sticking things up my vagina because I'm only 13, so what I do is roll up toilet paper ( so it almost looks like a tampon) and put it securely between the lips and it never falls out and it's always comfortable and there's no leakage as long as it's changed every few hours. Is this ok?
It shouldn't be a problem. But toilet paper does disintegrate easily into pulpy little bits that stick to your skin. Some may end up stuck a little ways in or in the folds of the labia, even if you wipe. I try to wipe well, but unless you use a washcloth or feminine wipes meant to use on the area, fibers will remain. I cant say how often the husband finds remains of toilet paper from the day, stuck in the folds of my skin. I know TMI but it's something that needs to be communicated.
As you become older the period you had as a young teen just starting wont resemble the one in your late teens or 20's. And toilet paper will not hold it back then, especially if you get at least one heavy flow day if not more. I don't know how many pad styles you have used but they keep making em thinner and thinner and still as absorbent. You may have to use pads eventually.
I am in a crisis involving a horrible case of writer's block! I cannot decide on a topic for my personal statement I need written, revised, and embellished by this Friday! There are two prompts on the UC applications and no matter which one I choose, open a new word document for and just begin writing sounds like a load of crap. I am too distracted by my past and how it's shaped me as a person and cannot find a good solid yet positive topic to write about. I don't know if I can do this. I have scoured the internet for tips and advice but none has helped. I'm feeling low, and desperate.
I learned how hard this is too when I put together a dating profile which led to meeting my 2nd husband. The first thing it is set up for is writing to tell a prospective date about you.
I will get to the tips but first it'll make more sense once I show you what the wrong thing is.
Lets say you want to know if a new possible boyfriend is positive, sensitive, patient, easy going, believes in being a gentleman and respecting women and supporting them, is community oriented etc. something about his character and personality.
How can you learn that from a personal statement that says where he went to school, that he is divorced, has one kid, owns his home. Has lived in vermont and Texas and what college he went to, and how many pets he has? You can't. Yet I received a lot of those.
It took me time to figure out mine too.
A good help is to think of what you are passionate about. It can be quite a few things.
Something you are doing or believe in that you are passionate about, will not feel like work, you are drawn to it, to talking about it, time flies so much faster when you you are focused on and doing it, and you can never get enough of it and never tire of it.
That for me would be mothering both my kids when little and now grandchild or anyone elses kids I Come across. I love gardening and don't want to stop to make dinner sometimes. And I love writing.
Think now about your passions and what is the single ingredient (or two) that drives you to want to pursue these things. In my examples, its a quality I was born with but none of my children possess, I am a nurturer at heart. Whether its nurturing children or young new plants and all the care they need as children do, the weeding an trimming and feeding, protecting, etc... In the garden I can let the creativity that lays buried in me, rise to the surface, and creativity comes out in my writing as well. These two things will influence greatly the things I get involved in throughout life. So find what yours are and then think of how those being who you are at core should make it easier to make statements about yourself. In fact if it wasn't for my want and need to nurture and have creative outlets, I would not have been drawn to volunteer here at Advicenators.
Good luck dear.
I am a boy and I am 12 and I like a gril but how do I get her to like me
Yes, it's important to talk to a girl and become friends first. But the question then is...what do you say if you've never talked to her before? Hopefully you've been smiling at her or saying Hi when crossing her path up til now. If not, it's a good thing to start. It's one clear sign to a girl that a boy might like her. Try to hang out near enough to overhear her conversations with friends and listen for anything that you could add a comment or information to.
Example: You hear them discussing a brand new on the scene teen band called Burnham (yes they are for real) a trio of brothers who make up the band and they are asking each other if either knows when their debut album is coming out. Your sister likes them and has followed news on them. None of them know so you step in and say, "Excuse me, I overheard your conversation. My sister happens to know when, I dont remember but I can get the info from her and share it with you. They'll now be fully focused on you including the girl you like. This is lots more successful way to begin to get conversation going than singling one girl out and walking up and saying Hi, I'm Eric and I like you and am wondering if you'd like to be my girlfriend. You might get a girl who responded but the great majority quickly learn that a guy they know nothing about may turn out to be someone they don't even like and now they're in an awkward position of being your 'girlfriend?? Girls would rather get to know just a little bit about you first through talking as classmates and casual friends. Try to keep conversation going. Introduce yourself. Get the names of any you don't know. Ask the girl if there are other bands they like right now. You can offer up names of groups you like too, find out if they are familiar with a particular artist or song and offer to share one of the songs off your phone or make a copy of it for her or one of her friends. A guy who can be nice to and treat all females well and politely with respect is going to have girls wanting to be friends with him.
If you want to try talking to just her, compliment her on something like if you heard she got an A on the latest test. Say congratulations on getting an A. I didn't. Or if you struggle with the subject, ask if she might be willing to give pointers and help. You could ask how much she studied, or if its just a favorite subject of hers. At the end of the conversation you say, you've enjoyed chatting with her and would like to do so again soon, maybe sit together at lunch or briefly in the hall, on walk home or on bus if riding, or in the neighborhood if you live close together. Talk about anything you'd talk to your friends or family about. If you have a pet, tell her about your pet and ask if she has any. Maybe ask if you can meet her dog one day and you'll invite her over to meet your dog. There are so many things you can talk about. Ask her about herself, people like to talk about themselves. Listen carefully to her answers, dont daydream because you are looking for something she says that brings up a memory of your own, even just a litle thing, or one word. Like she just mentioned a favorite food dish that includes sausage. You have a relative with a pet snake called Snausage. You tell her about that and then try to say something funny to make her laugh. yES, its true girls like a guy who can make her laugh and its the most wonderful thing for a guy to hear if he made her laugh. Those are some examples. If you need more idea's and help on how to talk to girls, let me.
So, im 15 years old and im dating with that guy for 2 months. He's sweet and stuff and i reaally like him and we meet very often. So, last night he came and picked me up with his car and we went to a dark place (but we were in the car). We talked and laughed and then he came on top of me and we started making out. I waas feeling super hot. Then, his hand moved down there and he started ''petting'' the area. It felt good and i wasnt really thinking cos of the atmosphere. At the end, he fingered me and i liked it a lot. However, when i went home, i cried and called myself a slut for enjoying it!. Did I do the right thingg? Am i too young? Am i a slut?
Hon, humans come with sex drives and by 15 those drives are in full gear. It is normal to be attracted to the opposite sex and feeling desire and wanting to pleasure your partner and be pleasured by him.
There are too many misconceptions in society that people spout off without knowing any real truth if any behind what they are saying.
Since the two of you get along really well and like each other lots and the chemistry sexually seems strong since you're both enjoying yourself, I want to caution you that it is easy to get carried away..as you said "not really thinking", like the brain shuts off and only the senses are awake drinking in every sensation and when we aren't thinking we tend to overlook use of birth control.
If you find that you and he get together more often for the same level of sexual exploration or going further, like mutual masturbation....thats the point at which you may want to be on the pill. teens can go to Planned Parenthood. And they give out condoms but do offer help with anything regarding your reproductive organs and you can get on the pill. Its a lot safer in case pre cum gets anywhere near you or transfered to you by hands and then theres the risk of pregnanct without him being inside.
Planned Parenthood is under the same obligation to uphold the law of privacy for their clients. Your parents would not have to know if you go see them. So just keep that in mind in case it looks like you two are going to go further.
Exploring sex with someone you enjoy is a wonderful thing. There are some kids who just do it with someone they dont care about just to be able to say they've done it.
So last week I was at an extra color guard practice just for fun and my color guard partner was there too She's a senior and I'm a freshman, but we're close friends. So anyway, even though I'm younger than her, I can spin a quad on my flag which is extremely hard to do. My coach saw me doing this with some other fancy work and she asked me if I wanted a solo part of our performance. I obviously said yes and I was super happy. So I went to my partner and she already heard the news. She didn't look excited like I was and I asked her "aren't you happy for me?" And she was honest and told me no. She said she was jealous because she never got a solo and she is better than I am. I got a little offended by this. I told her it wasn't my fault coach asked me. But of course, she yelled at me and told me it was my fault. I then told her how I work as hard as her and how she is never proud of me for anything I do and how she's always better than me and will never say I'm good and that hurts me. We fought more until she yelled at me to shut up and I said no and I tried to finish what I was saying when she hit me. Right in the face. My cheek was bleeding and it was swelling. My partners face was more shocked than mine. She said "(my name) I--" and stopped there. I started tearing up and ran out of the band room. I ran into 2 other team mates and they asked me what was wrong but I ignored them and ran home. My face has a nasty bruise where she hit me and I can't believe she did that to me. I thought she was my friend. What do I do now? I'm so scared of her.
Being that shes about 3 years older than you I would have expected her to be at least a little more mature in this situation. I can understand her envying you and getting angry but she could have kept her mouth shut and not kept responding with more angry words adding fuel to the fire.
In your lifetime, you will also come across adults that you would expect to have a handle on such things and do for the most part except for certain situations that trigger them acting childish and they will argue like a kid and keep making things worse when they wont shut up.
So perhaps, it is good you experienced this now. I have had people in my life, a couple I was close to including an ex husband, who when they got upset, angry, envious or jealous would act like a little kid, having temper tantrums against me, and accusing me of things. When I tried to defend myself or try to use logic and reasoning as you did, I found all it did was add fuel to their fire. Over the years, I have learned to not respond to the majority of such stuff that comes my way. There is nothing that I or you could say that would have enough impact on a person like her to calm her down, make her feel better or just plain old 'snap out of it'.
So in the future, choose your verbal battles wisely. Most of arguments are over stuff you may feel are important when in fact it is not when looked at as part of the grander picture of your life.
The fact that her got angry enough to hit you is serious. In police terms, that is called assault and battery. However she is a teen girl, probably hormonal and was jealous...so I am not saying call the police but your parents need to know and your coach and principle should know. This should not be left covered up and not discussed. She needs to know how serious her actions were. She may feel worse cus she saw blood. Would she still feel bad if you hadnt bruised and bled? Who knows but if she wouldn't feel bad in that case, that is why it is important she learn from this. Its quite serious dear, for someone with a temper like that who goes as far as physically attacking someone may have an anger problem or other unknown issue going on in her life that should be addressed.
He has a baby on the way by a girl he got pregnant before we set boundaries and he has had money issues and i helped im with him every night and im happy but i just feel,for myself, i need that commitment especially before the child gets here to feel that security and have that commitment..i deal with a lot dating him and this situation and i feel i deserve at least that...but i dont want to feel im forcing anyone to "be" with me..although im always with him, his family knows about me, etc...do i wait it out or stand my grounds about having his all or nothing...
Too late for having his all as you stated. Why? Because men will juggle several priorities in their life. Usually job is one, his family and friends are another and his girlfriend another. He can have about 3 top priorities in his life. The fact that he is the father of that child, whether he is with that woman or not, means he will need to put time into being there for his kid. So the child will hopefully be one of his top three priorities, a job will be another to be able to pay child support, and who knows what his third one will be. He can have good intentions meaning to make you one of his top priorities but he wont know how much time he will have for you until he is in the middle of it after the kid is here.
Words are cheap hon. And words dont guarantee anything unless they come from a man who knows how to keep his word and his promises. It all depends on who he is as a man at core...his core values and beliefs. What does he stand for as a man if anything.
At this point, it doesnt matter what you have poured into the relationship effort wise, things are changed, you may have to share 3 place priority with other important things, schooling if any, any volunteer work he does, time for friends, sports team or workouts, and his family-parents and siblings. So as you can see, there is no way to have All of him, 100% to yourself. If you dont think you can share him with all his other prioritys including a newborn, then you may have to decide to break it off and find someone who isnt a daddy and is a little smarter to discuss and set boundaries Before getting into a relationship.
Hi. Ok so this question will have a lot of TMI so just be prepared. Ok so about 2 months ago my periods starting going whacko. It came a week early and then it has been every 2 weeks since. This is by no means normal for me. I started my period way early. I had just turned 10 which I heard can cause problems later on. Well I have a continuous pain in my lower abdomen and have unexplained weight gain. I have been pregnant 3 times and two made it. So I know when something is off. I have taken multiple pregnancy tests they all say negative. I don't feel pregnant I feel sick. Very sick. Like I'm falling apart. All my energy is gone. Every few days I seem to either begin to feel worse or I develop a new symptom. Well a week ago the pain began to get worse. Me and my husband had sex and it was uncomfortable it felt as though there was something inside me he kept bumping. Only on the right side though. And I'd get a small twinge of pain every time. My stomach looks swollen on the right side. 4 days ago I developed diarrhea. And for the people who are gonna scream go to the Dr I have an appointment but it's three days from now. I want an idea of what's going on so I can know what to bring up and ask to be tested for. My family has a history of cancer. Uhm yeah. I guess that's about it in a nutshell. Does anybody have any suggestions on what could be wrong with me?? Thanks in advance.
I wouldn't wait 3 days, not even 1, go to emergency dear. Better safe than sorry. Some medical emergencies get slowly worse. With others, a matter of a few hours before seeing a doctor can be the difference between life and death. You dont know what it is, neither do we, You're in pain, you have swelling and its gotten worse. Don't take chances with your life. You have 2 kids who are going to need their mother around for quite some time yet.
Praying all will be well with you.