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Needing some advice about a "friend"
(This is gonna be a little too long, I'm sorry, but I feel like it has to be so you can understand the situation better. I'm sorry.)
Okay, so I have this friend online for like almost a year now but we've never really talked except for occasional simple pleasantries whenever we catch each other online. We've never met each other personally. Then one day, I posted something about my break up and he tried to talk to me about it. So I told him everything and he said he's there for me if I ever need someone to talk to. So since then, I've been talking to him whenever I feel bad and whenever I feel nice about myself for trying to move on. And then I made a Skype account because he said he's not on Tumblr all the time and we can talk there easier. We continued talking to each other whenever we both have time.
Then one time, he told me he's willing to be a friend, or someone I can eventually fall for, or even someone who can be my escape and my support until I'm moved on and all better from everything that's going on in my life. He said he's willing to basically be anyone I want him to be. And when I asked him why he's doing this, he said and I quote, "I don't know. I just know I want to stay right beside you until I figure out how to help you." He also said that maybe I can try falling in love with him one day. Maybe slowly and taking it easy, so we don't end up just hurting me. We continued chatting and I so far, everything I like in a guy, I see in him. Everything I wanted to see from my ex, I see in him. So since then, we both felt like there's something else between us, and we didn't deny it from each other. We DON'T deny it. Especially after he told me, "I just... Want to be what you deserve. And you deserve the best." He even called me once and said that he knows I'm going through a rough time but that I should remember he's right there for me and will never leave me.
I've asked him if he's open to the idea of us developing feelings for each other one day, or you know, if ever. He said that right now he's more interested in being my support. Because being a lover will only damage me more even if he stayed as a lover. I asked him a simpler question: "Would you catch me if I ever fall for you?" And he gave me a 'yes' faster than Quicksilver.
So I'm just wondering what we are right now, since we're friends but we can't exactly be called "just friends" because we both feel some kind of attraction or interest to each other and we're both open to the idea of being together if ever, but at the same time we're not exactly together yet. Any thoughts will be very much appreciated. Thank you. :)
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I used dating sites and thats how I met my husband. I know the danger of anything on line entering more into 'theater of the mind' than becoming a reality that works for you. It's easy for a person to hide things about themself on line. In short term on line to meeting guys in person, I was fooled all too often by their on line presence, even phone calls but face to face they were something else, or I discovered they had lied about things about themselves that wasnt true or if they really were great and who they said they were, the friend aspect was there but chemistry was missing so we could not move on into the romance part of relationship.
I am not saying your guy is lying. He actually sounds like a real wonderful man if all is true about him and he is not attached in any way to another female dating, engaged or married. I am just saying dont get your hopes up until you meet face to face and can continue to do so often enough to get to know each other better.
When my husband and I met online, we talked for hours every night for a week before we met face to face. I remember him saying that at the very least he knew for sure that we could be very good friends for each other if not something more. Neither of us had our hopes up for that part until we met. When we did, it was between jobs for me and during his delivery route break, only 20 min. but that was enough to feel the chemistry enough to want to explore more. Busy schedules meant we had to wait for the next weekend to have some hours together.
As to his words spoken, sounds a bit like my husband. Although he didn't just focus on me but stated who he realized what his role as a male is in relationship to any female he comes across, not just me. He is supportive, encouraging and will uphold females that come into his life in whatever practical ways they need. So the widow next door got his help restringing her clothes line, changing lightbulbs, cutting her grass for her. His time and energy went to me first though but if he saw or sensed a need in other women, he would do something. Clerks at the store were told that he liked their jewelry, something to make them feel good about themselves...kind uplifting words the most people never hear in a day from anyone, acknowledging them as a real individual not just another person in a sea of people.
Right now you need to be able to build trust with him before moving on to anything more like a lover. The only way I know that can happen is though life experiences. Its the 24/7 stuff you encounter with him and his consistancy to be the person you believe him to be with no variances of the bad sort. When he is a constant, unwavering quantity in your mind and you can fully trust him, then you both with be able to proceed further if the chemistry is there. Be aware of new relationship energy, the same new anything energy, like kids have over a new christmas toy...that energy and excitement fades after a while and the toy doesnt draw the kids attention like it once did. Same in relationships...and you need to be together as friends long enough to know if the interest and feelings are going to fade cus they were temporary or if they are going to last for a life time. Good luck. Go meet your man.
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