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Why did she hurt me?
So last week I was at an extra color guard practice just for fun and my color guard partner was there too She's a senior and I'm a freshman, but we're close friends. So anyway, even though I'm younger than her, I can spin a quad on my flag which is extremely hard to do. My coach saw me doing this with some other fancy work and she asked me if I wanted a solo part of our performance. I obviously said yes and I was super happy. So I went to my partner and she already heard the news. She didn't look excited like I was and I asked her "aren't you happy for me?" And she was honest and told me no. She said she was jealous because she never got a solo and she is better than I am. I got a little offended by this. I told her it wasn't my fault coach asked me. But of course, she yelled at me and told me it was my fault. I then told her how I work as hard as her and how she is never proud of me for anything I do and how she's always better than me and will never say I'm good and that hurts me. We fought more until she yelled at me to shut up and I said no and I tried to finish what I was saying when she hit me. Right in the face. My cheek was bleeding and it was swelling. My partners face was more shocked than mine. She said "(my name) I--" and stopped there. I started tearing up and ran out of the band room. I ran into 2 other team mates and they asked me what was wrong but I ignored them and ran home. My face has a nasty bruise where she hit me and I can't believe she did that to me. I thought she was my friend. What do I do now? I'm so scared of her.
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Hi there! I also do color guard and I just want to say, YOU CAN THROW A QUAD ON YOUR FLAG?! *silently screaming "teach me". Okay that's really cool. This is from a scoop toss right? I can only do a triple. Sorry I'm totally geeking out here. But awe, I am so sorry your partner did this to you. She should know better. My color guard partner who is also a senior doesn't recognize how much I practice or how hard I work on some tosses like that either. The thing is, I'm not as good as some other girls on my team. But you know what? I'm not the worst. Does your partner at least recognize that? I don't blame you that you're scared of her. I would be too if my partner did that. You seriously need to talk to her about this. Be the stronger one and show her how much it hurt you. I don't mean try to hurt her, but I am saying you should literally go up to her and tell her how much it hurt you physically and emotionally. But don't let her get a word in. Walk away and let her come back to you. Then you will know that she is truly sorry and really wants to be your friend again. She obviously was super jealous that she didn't get a solo but you did. But that gave her no right to hit you and make you bleed. I hope she got some blood on her shirt to remind her forever how much she hurt you. Good luck. If you need any more advice, ask me on my advice column.
~glasses
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Being that shes about 3 years older than you I would have expected her to be at least a little more mature in this situation. I can understand her envying you and getting angry but she could have kept her mouth shut and not kept responding with more angry words adding fuel to the fire.
In your lifetime, you will also come across adults that you would expect to have a handle on such things and do for the most part except for certain situations that trigger them acting childish and they will argue like a kid and keep making things worse when they wont shut up.
So perhaps, it is good you experienced this now. I have had people in my life, a couple I was close to including an ex husband, who when they got upset, angry, envious or jealous would act like a little kid, having temper tantrums against me, and accusing me of things. When I tried to defend myself or try to use logic and reasoning as you did, I found all it did was add fuel to their fire. Over the years, I have learned to not respond to the majority of such stuff that comes my way. There is nothing that I or you could say that would have enough impact on a person like her to calm her down, make her feel better or just plain old 'snap out of it'.
So in the future, choose your verbal battles wisely. Most of arguments are over stuff you may feel are important when in fact it is not when looked at as part of the grander picture of your life.
The fact that her got angry enough to hit you is serious. In police terms, that is called assault and battery. However she is a teen girl, probably hormonal and was jealous...so I am not saying call the police but your parents need to know and your coach and principle should know. This should not be left covered up and not discussed. She needs to know how serious her actions were. She may feel worse cus she saw blood. Would she still feel bad if you hadnt bruised and bled? Who knows but if she wouldn't feel bad in that case, that is why it is important she learn from this. Its quite serious dear, for someone with a temper like that who goes as far as physically attacking someone may have an anger problem or other unknown issue going on in her life that should be addressed.
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Talk to your coach privately about what happened. It is very important that your coach knows what happened. You don't want your coach finding out about it from someone else or being completely in the dark about the situation in case it gets worse. Be honest about everything. You didn't do anything wrong and didn't deserve to get hit by your friend. Your coach should be able to make you feel better or make a discreet change such as getting you a new partner if you're nervous.
In the future, you do need to lower your expectations for your color guard partner a bit. Expecting your color guard partner to be like a parent by being proud of you and telling you that you're good is over the top. Your partner is a kid just like you. If you accomplish something, approach it delicately. Your partner might be happy for you or might be jealous. If they're jealous, don't shove it in their face when they're hurting. It's not your partner's job to be happy for you. If they're not, it's okay. When your partner first said she wasn't happy for you, you should have let it go. Even though you did not handle the situation tactfully or communicate with your partner well, there is still no excuse at all for what she did.
That being said, it does seem like it was a big mistake. Your partner probably feels very bad about what happened and would like to apologize and work things out. If the two of you do want to talk, do it with your coach there. Your coach would make a good moderator and would be able to offer good suggestions. I think that you should give your partner another chance. Did she help you get to where you are now? If so, tell her. Try to be a better communicator, have realistic expectations, and be more mindful of her feelings in the future. Good luck!
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I completely understand why you would be afraid of her. Sometimes situations can get out of control, even between good friends, and things like this can happen. It sounds like she was surprised at what she did to, although that doesn't excuse her behavior. Sometimes we do things we wouldn't normally do simply because we're experiencing stress and we aren't thinking, so it comes sort of as a reflex.I think you should give it some time and either wait for her to talk to you, or maybe try to talk to her about it. I hope things work out!
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