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ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months now.
his ex gf is still in love with him and wont leave us alone. he feels guilty for leaving her for another girl and she wont stop trying with him. help !

Heya,
the only thing you can really do is ignore the ex and hope she goes away. She will eventually give up and if you feel like it's taking too long, try and talk to her. Maybe you could talk to your boyfriend too and try and figure out the whole feeling guilty thing? He's with you now so he shouldn't be feeling guilty about something that happened 7 months ago. Just tell him that the girl is jealous and, seven months on, he shouldn't be feeling guilty over it. If things are getting too much, you and your boyfriend might have to take some kind of break. Is there anyway you could move away, or keep your distance from this other girl?
I hope it works out for you :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hi...sorry if this is long.
well ages ago i met a guy and fell instantly in love with him. he liked me 2 but i didnt have the courage to tell me and now hes moved on. were like best friends now; we bonded alot when i was living back at home in america. i never got on with my mom and he understood that an kinda helped me through it.
my mom hated me a lot and blamed me for her and my dads divorce. we argued too much and she was always tellin me she wishes i was dead. this guy, lets call him adrian, helped me thru it and always made me feel lots better.
i moved to england to be with him (as a friend) and now my mom is ill and wants me to go back to america to look after her. i realy resent her and dont think i could look after her properly. im also scared that if i go, 'adrian' will meet someone while im away and fall in love...and i will never have a chance to tell him how i feel.
what should i do?
btw i had planned on tellin him how i feel just as i left on the plane...but that would be mean although it would give him time to think bout everythin. what do you think?
rose, 18

Hey Rose (I like having names to work with, lol, so apologies if I over use it),
that really sucks about not getting a chance to tell this guy how you feel. You have to tell him at some point, or you could never get another chance!! Even if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you won't be thinking, 'what if...?' for the rest of your life.
I think that if you don't go back and at least see your mother or arrange someone else to care for her, you'd feel incredibly guilty. You don't owe her anything, and it's obvious you had a volatile relationship with her, so I wouldn't stay too long - the last thing you want to do is leave on bad terms and then never see her again - but I would feel so guilty if I didn't go. Go for your conscience if not for her.
I love your idea of telling this guy just before you get on the plane!! You're right, it would give him time to think everything over. However, don't just be, 'I love you, bye!!'. Sit him down properly and tell him that you've always felt the same way as he did in the beginning. Tell him to think about what you've said while you're away, and then say goodbye and get on your plane. If you stay longer than a week, make sure you leave him some kind of contact number and/or address though.
Good luck!! I really hope this turns out well for you!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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i have a friend who used to be very down to earth and friends with everyone. now she is "popular". Just because of that, she thinks she is better than everyone else, and everyone agrees. she is snobby too, like saying stuff like "omg i hate fat people, old people, smelly people, and people that dont like me." the problem is, i love being friends with her!! she is so much fun to hang out with when there are not other people there. with other people, she seems to think she needs to act like that. when i ask her why she is so mean to me, she says "you are mean to me because you think you are so much better!!!" what should i do?!?!

Try talking to her and telling her how she's changed and how much you miss the old her. Try not to accuse her of anything, or she'll just get defensive. Sometimes, once you get bitten by the 'popularity bug', you do change. She probably still has her head in a few clouds and will come down to earth eventually. However, if the new her is making you miserable...don't stick around. Give her a couple of chances and talk it over with her, but if you feel like you've given her too many chances and she's just not changing, then get out. Wait until something brings her back down (something will, life tends to do things like that when you're on a high), and then be around to pick up the pieces. Even in her new 'snobby' state, she'll be craving her old, real friendships. She'll come back eventually :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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my boyfriend cheated on me with another girl .. we have been goin out for 2 1/2 monthes now .. he says he loves me, but i dont see how you can cheat on somebody you love. he didnt have sex with the other gurl, but they kissed. so i then broke up with him and that same day i broke up with him he kissed another girl .. im so confused. should i stay with him ? i mean we are both only 15 years old . so maybe it was just hormones. but do you think he loves me. he treats me really good, hes boughten me a gold ring and big teddy bear when i was sick he

Don't believe him! First off, you generally can't love someone you've only been dating for 2 and a half months, especially if you're a guy - no offence guys, but most of you are scared of your feelings are years of being with someone! :P
You're right, if you love someone, you don't cheat on them. A ring and a teddy bear don't mean anything...they could just be bribes to get you to stay with him. Please don't waste your life with this guy - he's obviously using you (you say he kissed another girl the same DAY you broke up? That's just plain mean), and you should get out of it now when it'll be easy-ish, compared to three or four months down the line when you won't want to let him go.I know it's probably hard to see from an insiders point of view, but it sounds like this guy is using you.
Get out of this relationship and go find someone you can trust and who you'll be really happy with!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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my bestfriend always calls me fat and everyone else tells me im not she is just jelouse what can i do to make her quite callen me fat it really bothers me?

shaiina

Tell her that if she doesn't stop it, she can say bye bye to your friendship. You seriously do not need friends who call you fat!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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There's this guy that i really like at school. I found out a couple of months ago that he was in "love" with one of my friends. However after a week she insisted that nothing was going. NOw ive fallen for him, but he tells me he is still in love with my friend and just wants to be mates with me. However she is just flirtig with him for fun and wants nothing more. Now he is still flirting with me and i really dont know whats goin on. Help

Claire, age 15

If this guy wants to flirt with your friend, there really is nothing you can do about it. Sit yourself down and ask yourself why you really like him - because you really do like him, or because someone else 'has' him? If you really do like him, then stick around, be yourself and try not to interfere - he'll only see you as annoying for it.
For now, you'll just have to hold on and be there for him when he realises that your friend doesn't love him back.
Blessed Be and good luck!
Rach xxx

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OKay my crush has been in a bad mood so far this week! i am trying to tlak to him but he doesn't talk to me as much as he use to! he is depressed all the time and not as engeric as he use to be! can someone tell me what i can do to cheer him up?! any ideas?!

Hiya,
Just give him a little time. Don't ignore him, but don't bother him about his problem either. He'll tell you if and when he's ready.
Give it say a week without mentioning it, and if he's still not talking, sit him down for a quiet chat and ask him what's wrong. Tell him that you want to help him - the best thing you can do now is be there for him, but if he doesn't want to tell you...well, that's his problem. Just stand by him, he'll appreciate it if he's going through a tough time :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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i have this friend who is so selfish. she told me that if i went out with his guy named matt that shed hate me more then her friend olivia. i really like her as a frind..but i want your opinion..thanx

Hi,
This girl doesn't sound like such a good friend - she already doesn't like this Olivia girl, and she's threatening to hate you too? She'll have no friends left if she isn't careful.
I say talk to her, and if you can't work something out (it sounds to me like she might be a little jealous and have a crush on this Matt guy herself), then ditch her. You don't need friends who hate you!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey i'm in college and i'm really shy. i can't seem to make friends with anyone in class. i have friends in my dorm and im comfortable with them, but i see people in my class that i would want to be friends with, but i can't seem to get myself to talk to anyone. i like crawl inside myself and no matter what i can't say anything. especially to guys (im female). i've been trying real hard to open up, but i just can't seem to do that. any advice on how to start opening up and becoming more comfortable with myself and be able to talk to people without being scared that they won't like me? i know im in college and shoud be over that already, and i am for the most part, its just when im surrounded by people i dont know it makes it really hard. thanks in advance to anyone who answers this

Hi! I used to be exactly the same. I think the only thing you can do is find out who you are and learn to like that - you can't like other people unless you like yourself :)
Talk to random people, smile at them in the hallways...start with small things, such as when you accidentally bump into someone, don't just mumble sorry and run off - say it loud, look at them and stop them to ask them for the time!
Try talking to someone in your class who seems easily approachable. Say hi to them, ask them how they're enjoying the course, agree with them on how boring your lecture was, anything! Start by talking about something you have in common with them. And remember that if they don't respond, it doesn't matter - there are hundreds more people out there to be friends with! Take it all in your stride and learn from any 'mistakes' you make while trying to make friends - e.g. not keeping eye contact, talking too fast, etc.
Also remember that you don't have to be friends with every single one of these people - most you'll never see ever again once college is over anyway, and it's fine to have a small amount of friends :)
I know it's hard, but the only way to do it is to just get in there and get on with it.
Good luck, and message me sometime to say how it's going!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I just bought an incense stick holder and a bunch of incense sticks, but I don't know how to burn them right. It cost 11.00 all together for the holder and the 14 sticks, and I am only 13 so that's a lot of wasted money for me. Does anyone know how to burn them, because when I did, it just smelled like smoke/charcoal instead of lavendar like it was supposed to be. I know you have to smolder them, not burn them, and I did. My mom is being really negative about it and its really annoying, so can someone please tell me how to do it?

P.S. Otherwise I just wasted a little over 2 weeks allowance, and I have to buy other stuff, too!

Hi,
That's pretty expensive for some incense. You can get cheaper stuff (it's often not pure essential oil but it smells just as good) from any kind of 'new age' shop, souvenier shop, even some supermarkets. Just so that you know when you wanna buy some more :)
BTW, if you live in the UK, I can give you some names of some shops I generally buy from that you might have near you...
To burn it, you just wanna get a match or gas lighter, place the incense in your holder (what type of holder is it? Simple is usually best, or you might have the wrong type of incense for the holder...joss sticks and tiles are best, or cones and plates), and hold a lit match up to it. It'll set on fire, but should only do so for like...10 seconds at most. Blow it out if it's any longer. Then just leave it to smoulder, like you said.
Some incenses are really strong or burn too quickly, so your problem could be that you're incense is burning too quickly and producing too much smoke. There's really nothing much you can do other than finding different smells and types of incense and finding out which one suits you best. Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey im a 17 year old girl i have a boyfriend how is to much with me but i think hes a woosse... in the way that if im not with him every minute of every day he gets bitchy... if i ask for a night off he bitches... cryies you name it... he does it.. and it just makes me feel bad... and he wins... i feel like im in jail... he says he dosnt mind but the next day he says i hated it and makes me feel bad like i dont what to do... hes driving me insane... and when i try talking abt it he just makes me feel bad... i need help

Get out of there...you don't need to be made to feel so bad! Life is short and you've gotta enjoy it while you can :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok so i'm 14 and haven't been on a real date...or been kissed. i'm starting to think that something is wrong with me. what should I do?

Don't worry about it, honestly! I'm 15 and I've never had a boyfriend either, and I know 18 year olds who haven't!! You're not alone and you will find someone soon :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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i started likeing on of my friends and he's 17. Im only 13. He's really sweet and he REALLY isnt a bad person. when im around him, when i talked to him, even if i hear his voice i just smile the biggest smile. I talk to him almost every night on the phone and we text each other constintly through out the day. he said he likes me and i like him also. Some of my guy friends said that they dont want me to get hurt. they dont know him. They said that 13 and 17 is a very big age diffrence, but i really like him alot. He just makes me happy and for awhile i haven't been happy. Do you think that i should continue to like him? and do you think that if he was to ask me out should i go out with him? please tell me what to do im so confused

13 and 17 is nothing, especially when you're in love!! Think of the age as 20 and 24 - it doesn't sound so big then, does it? Besides, age doesn't matter :)
However, your guy friends are really sweet to be concerned and probably have a good reason to - keep your eyes out and make sure you're not just being used. Tell your guy friends you really appreciate them caring so much, but dating this guy is your decision, not theirs.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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this is a little long but i hope someone will answer ok today in science i was writing a note back and froth with a girl then she said i was dared to ask you out and i said yeah sure why not now i dont know what to do becasue like this is the first time ive been asked out does everything like pan out or i just dont know how to deal with this situation. ITs confusing me so help it would be great

Hi,
If you really like this girl then go for it, but be warned that she probably has no feelings for you (at least not right now) if she was asking you out on a dare. If you can't handle that then don't go out with her (personally I wouldn't - it's almost like willingly walking in to getting your heart broken).
Just remember that just because you've never been asked out before, doesn't mean you should go out with this girl. Don't go out with someone just because you want someone - go out with them for them.
Good luck!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I just want to know when it is the right time to tell him my feelings? I know deep in my heart i am in love with this man. At the same time i am scared to tell him how i feel because, i don't know how he feels about me in that way any way. I am afraid to tell him because i dont want him to get scared and leave the relationship. At the same time it is killing me not to tell him.

You may not ever find a 'perfect time', but you can probably come pretty close to it - anywhere that isn't in a toilet or while he's watching an important football match would be good, lol!
It doesn't matter when you tell him, as long as you do. He might say yes, he might say no, but at least you won't be left asking, 'what if...?'. Just don't lay it on too heavy all at once, or you might scare him away. Start by asking him out for coffee or dinner - the 'L' word tends to freak guys out!! :P
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Well I have been going out with this guy for about a month now. Well I was a a party and I wanted to go over to my old b/f's house which is a really great friend too and say hello. :P Well when I went over there I realized that he had moved. And it crushed me soo much. But I dont know why. Maybe it was cause I never got to say goodbye or I still had a thing for him. And that sux to even say that. Cause I am happy with my b/f I have now. I wanna know so bad where he went cause I would still like to keep intouch with him. But what I wanna know is that is it bad to think that I may still have a thing for him?

Hi!
Right now I reckon you're probably actually feeling the loss of a friend - after all, you said he was a really great friend even though you two have a 'past'. But because he is an ex, you're probably feeling like you HAVE to feel like you still have a thing for him, because that's how you think should feel. Does that make sense? It may also be that now you have no chance of getting back with him, you feel like you like him again because you can't have him (I gave this example to someone else a couple of days ago - it's like the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden - if you can't have it, you want it).
Either way, whether you miss the friend or the boyfriend, it's totally normal to still like ex's. Keep an eye out for him, ask some people where he's gone, and if you don't find out, remember that it probably wasn't meant to be and it's better to focus on the here and now than the then :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My heart has been broken by my best male friend
but i still love him...should i still be friends with him or wat?

Hiya,
If you are still in love with this guy then you should leave things for a while until you're over him, 'cause you're obviously not ready to be friends just yet. Good luck!! :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I started cutting my self about a year, and I just did it to see what it felt like and to maybe finally get some attention from my mom and now I cant stop... its like after every little argument I have with her I have to go up to my room and cut my self or it doesn’t feel right. I have tried to stop and I have even made promise to people but I just don’t know what to do any more it seems like its getting out of control and I don’t want to have to go see a therapist because I don’t know if I could come out and say I have a problem so basically I’m just asking what I should do...?

You're doing great already - by acknowledging that there's a problem, you're half way there!! Maybe you could start by almost restricting the cutting (E.G. Every other argument, or only one cut a time) until you can get down to not doing it? It shouldn't be too difficult because it seems to be more of a habit than anything else, but go you for trying to stop before it gets out of control!! Good luck :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 months now, which isnt much, but his birthday is coming up very soon and i dont kno what to get him. What do i get?

Hi! Lol, guys are seriously difficult to buy for aren't they?
OK, so is he the lovey-dovey type of guy? If so, go for something cute like an 'I love you' teddy or if that's too extreme, something like a wallet that says 'love from _blah blah_' in it, or that has a picture of you together in it.
If he likes music, buy him a CD (it doesn't have to be an album, it could be a couple of singles or something). If he likes hanging round with his mates, then organise a night out for them all. If he has a fave celebrity, then search for them on the internet and get their signature for him (although that might not come in time - but it's a good xmas idea!). You get the idea...get him something related to his main hobbies :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My boyf & I have been together 4 2 months ... yet he has a problem communicating his feelings openly and honestly. W e have both had a rough and not so nice upbrining, we have both been put down numerous times by our step-parent's.

Whenever he does it's because he has consumed alcohol and he has a tendensy to use unneccessary 'ugly' descriptions of what I am to him. For example he has called me 1 of the most dis-interested lover's he has ever had ... and then as always the next morning he is very sorry and asks for forgiveness ... it's the same old story over & over and it's getting too much 4 me to handle ...

Do you think that the alcohol is a sufficient excuse to hurt you so much? If so, try and help him get over it and support him through it :) If not, then get out of the relationship - please don't waste your life being unhappy!! Life is precious, and you should make as much of it as you can as brilliant as possible!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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