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mother or crush?
hi...sorry if this is long.
well ages ago i met a guy and fell instantly in love with him. he liked me 2 but i didnt have the courage to tell me and now hes moved on. were like best friends now; we bonded alot when i was living back at home in america. i never got on with my mom and he understood that an kinda helped me through it.
my mom hated me a lot and blamed me for her and my dads divorce. we argued too much and she was always tellin me she wishes i was dead. this guy, lets call him adrian, helped me thru it and always made me feel lots better.
i moved to england to be with him (as a friend) and now my mom is ill and wants me to go back to america to look after her. i realy resent her and dont think i could look after her properly. im also scared that if i go, 'adrian' will meet someone while im away and fall in love...and i will never have a chance to tell him how i feel.
what should i do?
btw i had planned on tellin him how i feel just as i left on the plane...but that would be mean although it would give him time to think bout everythin. what do you think?
rose, 18
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Maybe you could your boyfriend with you and maybe let her meet him. Maybe you could try to be nice to your mom.
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aww. That sucks. I know how you feel. I was in a situation just like that.
Telling him how you feel puts yourself out on a limb and possibly sets you up for rejection and heartbreak. That's what happened to me.
But on the other hand, he could be really happy and you guys could have a happy ending.
My advise to you before you unburden yourself of this platitude, is before you do anything
1) Make sure he is completely free, isn't connected w/ any other girl, doesn't have a fling, or so called 'best-friends' with any other girls.
2) Ask him how he feels bout you. If its anywhere near the way you feel, go ahead and tell him.
3) Long distance relationships really suck. I know you don't want to hear this, but they really do. You have no idea what your SO is doing even if you ARE going out. And they are so hard! They may seem honest and sweet but remember, guys are guys.
4) Don't set yourself up for heartbreak. If he's involved in ANY way with any other girl or even a guy, (weird, yo)..DON'T tell him. It will weird him out and you'll be compltely devestated.
5) Are you ready for a relationship? Can you handle your Mom's anger with you liking this boy AND go out with him?
If you keep all that in mind before you unburden yourself, you'll be good to go.
Good luck, hun.
Anja
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if you were in her shoes, how would you feel? I know that it is really tempting not to go with her, but you know in your heart that it is. Even though she is mean to you, maybe now you two can patch things up, and then you can feel better about your relationship. You know that you wouldn't want her to die, and your relationship be the way it is. Divorse is hard, for everyone. I'm sorry that she chose to take it out on you. But maybe your "friend" can go with you. It would be the right thing to do.
Hope I Helped,
Always There
*KeLs*
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a say stick with the pllan youve got. but be careful with your mum. my friends mum had cancer and she didn't want a blue nurse so she got my friend to do it. my friend bathed her, fed her, helped her move around, and it was really hard for her. so just be careful. good luck with the guy!!!
~ANGE
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Write him a letter telling him how you feel. I know your mom was mean to u before but everyone deserves second chances and after all it is your mom and im sure she feed you and made sure u had living conditions. You should help care for her and maybe you can work things out and bond. Good luck!!
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Your mom in short, is a bitch. Why waste your time with her? She wishes you were dead why not wish the same thing on her? Your mom is dumb, stupid, and an idiot. She cant make up her mind that its her fault that there was a divorce in the parenting you were under. You're stupid to even think you want to go back and see your pieice of shit mom who doesnt give a ratass about you. My advice stay with your "crush" and let your mom to die.
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Well i think you should take him with you but if thats not a option then you should go back for like a week. And i doubt he'll fall in love with someone else in a week its possibly but not likely exspeacially if its during the work week then he'll be working i would just got for a short period of time and make sure you do tell him
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ummm.... this is a hard one. Your mom actually sounds like a hypocrite. And if she's not deadly ill maybe you shouldnt go and tell 'Adrian' how you feel. Then you guys will be able to talk about it. I dont think that if you go tellin him before you go on the plane is good. That might make him feel like you'll never come back. Try tellin him a couple weeks before you leave, even if its hard for you... otherwise im not quite sure. Sorry about your mother, even if she does sound like a... nvm :D
<.::~*~ SuGa HiGh ~*~::.>
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I think waiting until you leave on a plane is mean and unfeeling. I think you should tell him how you feel right now, and what is going on between you and your mom. You will need some support even if it is from far away. He could possibly want to come with you to help.
Your mom might actually have had a change of heart. If she truly needs you, then you should go.
If only to know that you did the right thing by her even though she didn't treat you with the same respect. Surely she wouldn't ask unless she really meant it. If there is anyone else in your family that can check on her before you leave, I would do so. Then you won't have been blackmailed into a needless trip.
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Hey Rose (I like having names to work with, lol, so apologies if I over use it),
that really sucks about not getting a chance to tell this guy how you feel. You have to tell him at some point, or you could never get another chance!! Even if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you won't be thinking, 'what if...?' for the rest of your life.
I think that if you don't go back and at least see your mother or arrange someone else to care for her, you'd feel incredibly guilty. You don't owe her anything, and it's obvious you had a volatile relationship with her, so I wouldn't stay too long - the last thing you want to do is leave on bad terms and then never see her again - but I would feel so guilty if I didn't go. Go for your conscience if not for her.
I love your idea of telling this guy just before you get on the plane!! You're right, it would give him time to think everything over. However, don't just be, 'I love you, bye!!'. Sit him down properly and tell him that you've always felt the same way as he did in the beginning. Tell him to think about what you've said while you're away, and then say goodbye and get on your plane. If you stay longer than a week, make sure you leave him some kind of contact number and/or address though.
Good luck!! I really hope this turns out well for you!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx
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