about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

My husband and I have not had sex in a year. This is no doubt of monogamy. We both have health issues, but come on, in a year! He is 40 and I am 39. We have been married for 6 years. We never have had a good sex life and I just don't know what to do to get the fire going. We are affectionate as far as he rocks me in the recliner, kisses me (not romantically), we still hold hands. It seems we are more like loving room-mates and I want more. He is definately my soulmate. We were each others first for sex. We met in college but at the time he played football and that was his life. After 11 years of being apart we got back together. All my friends tell me it's a fairy tale, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them about my sex life, because they think we have everything. Please help.

Health issues could play a role. If you haven't already, I would suggest you both go for a checkup, just to rule out any problems you may be unaware of. You would be surprised at the effect many common health problems can have on your sex life.


It may also be that you've got in a rut. Have you tried some new things? Sometimes even just trying a new position can do wonders. If you don't know where to start, there's a wide variety of couple-friendly books and videos out there. I don't mean porn. I mean the instructional types.


How is the romance in the relationship? After a while, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day routine. When's the last time you had a candlelit dinner or went off for a romantic weekend? It might be worth giving it a try.

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ok so im going to be 18 in about 9 weeks time and im thinking all my friends well apart from a few have all had sex even ones who are younger than me am i getting to old and whats the right age to have sex?? I would have had sex but my bf says he loves me but i do not trust him its like when we are away from each other he never contacts me or cares about me my question is shall i wait until the right one comes along to lose my virginity? thank you in advance.x

There's no specific age at which you should have sex. It's more a matter of comfort levels. Since you say you're unsure of your boyfriend, I would suggest waiting. When it's the right time and the right person, you'll know it.

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My husband has asked me for a three-some well not really, just said it was one of his fantasies. He says he is content with never having one, he just really would want to and the pure mention of it gets both of us excited. My problem is, I am very jealous over him. I have considered giving him one for his birthday but the thought of him having sex with another woman seriously pisses me off(except for in my fantasies). I know this should tell me not to do it but I want him to get what he has always wanted. He is very very very good to me.. Any Input?

I have to agree with younggrandma. Unless you are completely sure that you would be comfortable with it, I wouldn't try it. Since you've already said that you're jealous and the thought of him being with another woman is something that would anger you, I'm thinking this isn't something you'd be comfortable with. There are lots of other ways you can add "spice" without involving another person.

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I realy realy need some help. My friend has been cutting herself, and i don't know what to do to help stop her. She did stop, when she was dating this guy, she said "he made me feel beautful". I realy realy want to help her, but i don't kno how. I tried to get stop, but she won't listen to me. Also she's not afriad of cutting herself, because one of her friends, friend died from cutting herself, and my friend kno's this. I realy realy want to help her stop. But i don't kno how.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

You're probably not going to like this answer, but you need to tell your friend's parents. If you're not comfortable telling them yourself, tell your parents or a teacher so they can do it for you. Since you've already tried talking to her and it didn't work, it's going to take something more. Her parents will be able to get her the help she needs.

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I wore all of my favorite shirts last summer at camp and it was really hot there so everyone sweat a lot. Is there any way to get rid of pit stains? I don't want to have to toss my favorite shirts, but it's really gross!

My grandmother always made a paste with baking soda and water and rubbed it into the stain. She'd let it sit for a while and then launder the shirt as usual. It almost always brought the stains out. I don't know how effective it would be after this long, but it might be worth a try. To prevent this problem in the future, get some laundry pre-treat (such as Shout) and spray the stains as soon as you take off the shirt. It will help break up the stain until you can launder the shirt.

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I am a 30 year old, married woman with 3 kids. My husband is very great to me and other than the usual bickering & disagreements, we don't have any major problems in our relationship. MY problem is...I keep developing crushes on other men! Whenever I start talking to an attractive guy for a period of time, either from work, my husbands friends or my friends' husbands, I start to "feel" something for them! I just don't understand why I am so prone to doing this. Any input would be greatly appriciated.

The next time you notice yourself developing a crush, ask yourself what it is about the guy that attracts you. Is it his sense of adventure? His sense of humor? The way you feel like you can tell him anything? His spontaneity? Once you've figured out the attraction, take a look at your marriage. Is that quality missing in your marriage?


If it is, sit down and talk to your husband. You don't have to tell him you've developed a crush on someone else; just let him know that you feel like (fill in the quality here) is missing.

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okay so i have been working at this job for 2 years now and one of my managers became like my best friend we talked about everything and hung out all the time, and all of a sudden she started being so mean to me and actually made me cry! she wont help me get days off that i need and she talks behind my back well now i have another job but really need both jobs for the money what should i do thatis reasonable should i ignore it because that always is harder to do!! HELP

First, I would try calmly bringing up the issue with her. Something to the effect of "I've noticed our friendship is changing. I really miss how things used to be. Is there something I can do to fix this?" Then, listen to what she has to say.


If that doesn't work, it might be necessary to go to her immediate supervisor or the human resources department and explain the situation. Regardless of whether the manager likes you or not, she shouldn't be creating a hostile work environment.

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Hey, i just ordered an iPod mini off of Ebay, but i only have windows 98 on my working computer. So theres no way i can acess iTunes through my computer, but I do have another computer that has Windows 2000, which is can acess iTunes. But the problem is i have a virus on it, my dad said he would take it to be fixed but i want to try to restore it first. Can someone please summarize how to restore my computer?

Restoring the computer won't eliminate the virus. You need to get rid of the virus first. Otherwise you'll be right back where you started.


With that said, to restore your computer, you have a couple options. If you have the original disk that came with the computer, put the disk in the drive and then reboot the computer. It should bring up a screen with several options, one of which should be system restore. It will walk you through it. If you don't have the disk, go to your control panel and see if you can find system restore there. If it's not there, you might also find it by going to Start->Programs->Accessories->System Tools->System Restore. When it loads, there should be an option to "restore my computer to an earlier time." Choose it and then follow the onscreen instructions.

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I've wanted to be a singer my WHOLE life. I know I can sing good because all my life I've been getting solos in chorus and everyone I know says I'm good. I can hit a bunch of notes and I can control my voice and everything.. but a few years ago I had a bad experience on stage... and ever since ive had major stage fear.

I dont even wanna TALK about what happened to me... but it was horrible and ever since I havent been able to get on stage by myself.. All of a sudden I'm constantly worrying that my voice is horrible and people are going to make fun of me.

I'm starting to get better but I want a record contract, and I think with what I'm doing now I can get a chance at one. Im just to afraid to sing by myself in front of anyone other than my closest friends... and I know record companyss wont take me for that.

Does anyone know how I can get over my stage fright... please its important!!

Since you're afraid to get on stage by yourself, you can start by taking small steps. Get on stage with a group in front of people you don't know. Once you get comfortable with that, try a smaller group. Keep reducing the size of the group as you get more confident. Before long, you should be able to be on stage by yourself.


Something that always helped me when singing in front of people I didn't know was not actually looking at their faces. Pick a focal point somewhere in the back of the room slightly over the crowd's head. For instance when I sang in church, I always focused on a stained glass window in the back of the church. It gives the appearance that you're looking at the crowd but keeps you from actually seeing anyone.


Another tip someone gave me was imagining the crowd as cartoon characters. The person told me it's hard to be nervous when you're imagining Tweety watching you sing. I tried it once but got cracked up. However, it might be something you can try.


Good luck with your singing career.

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Hey, does anyone know any GOOD virus scan programs (that are free!)? Ad-Aware just isn't cutting it. Thank you.

Ad-Aware isn't a virus scan program. It's actually designed to look for spyware. You can find a free online virus scanner at the link below. Use it in addition to Ad-Aware and the program younggrandma recommended and it should keep your computer going good.
http://housecall.trendmicro.com

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i have a stratocaster, and i'm going to replace the pickguard. is it wise for me to attempt this myself? are there any websites that can give me detailed instructions so i don't completely screw this up?

I've never done it myself, but, from what I understand, it shouldn't be that difficult to do yourself. You might try asking at a local music instrument store or finding someone with experience with stratocasters to give you detailed instructions.

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i'm 17, and i like this guy who is 27. usually i like guys who are within my age range.. but i suppose you can't help who you fall for. he's very quiet and seems very lonely.. hes doing law so he spends a lot of time studying and doesn't go out too much. he always jumps at the opportunity to speak to me when we see each other. well, i'm not sure what to do about this. 17 is legal for consent and all where i live (so its not a legality thing) but i guess it does sound kinda bad that hes 10 years older than me. i'm wondering whether i should just try and forget about him or whether i should try for this. i don't really care about age, but he might feel differently, and society always views these kind of things as unacceptable. so just curious what everyone thinks of the age gap, and whether it's worth pursuing or not.....?

thanks.

Personally, as long as it's legal and the relationship makes both happy, I've never had a problem with age. My husband is more than ten years older than me. Yes, we have got some strange looks and rude comments, but the important thing is we make each other happy. If people can't see that, then it's their problem.


A lot of people assume that there will be a difference in maturity levels in an age-gap relationship. However, they fail to realize that age doesn't necessarily bring maturity. I've met older people that showed less maturity than a younger person would.


If this guy makes you happy, I say go for it. It sounds like he's interested already. Don't let society's interpretation of what's acceptable be the deciding factor. If you care about each other, the age difference and what others think won't be important.

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My computer is not recognizing my camrea as being plugged in. I've loaded pictures before, but lately it just isn't working. I have the correct cord, I plug it in to the correct spot but when I go to "aquire images" the screen informs me that a camrea is not detected and that I should check its connection. Does anyone know what's wrong?!

It's possible that your computer has somehow lost the drivers for the camera. Do you still have the software that came with the camera? If so, you can try reinstalling it. A lot of times, a reinstall will solve the problem.

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I am 19 and my girlfriend is in her mid-twenties with a 4-year degree and a new degree she's workign on. I am in community college with no job or direction. She has been with me for seven months, but now she has decided that she has to "give it a chance" with the guy she saw (not seriously) before me because he's more marriage material. Now she's spending all spring break with him and I am supposed to wait here as her plan B. What do I do?

Honestly, I would never settle for being plan B. It sounds like this girl is looking for someone different than what you are. Rather than wait around hoping she'll change her mind or changing yourself to fit the person she wants, I would find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Someone who truly loves you will accept you as is.

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I am 19, and am nervous about applying for a job. I have no previous experience, and am concerned that most places would rather hire someone younger with no experience b/c they have a good reason not to have experience. I don't want a great job, just like at a video store or somehting. Do I just go ahead and apply? What should I do?

Why don't you have experience? Were you focusing on your schooling? If so, put that on the application. At a previous job, I was responsible for hiring and if an applicant had told me they had no experience because they had focused on their schooling, I would have still considered hiring them because I think it shows dedication. Also, if you did any volunteer work or little jobs (babysitting, dogwalking, etc), be sure to include them.


Since you don't have any experience, have you considered submitting a functional resume? Functional resumes focus on your skills rather than experience. I once applied for a job (and got it) even though I didn't really have the necessary experience simply because I did have the job skills needed.

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I need some ideas on how to save my money! everytime i get money i spend it right away and cant save anything for my life (like today i wasted $80 on a bathing suit and spent $175 total) ive tried locking up my money but i always find excuses on why i need to get it out. like ill borow money from my sister and then ill have to go and get her mine or ill get grounded. also i cant get a bank account yet (its just not worth it when i dont have an income) and i cant give it to my parents because they have been known to steal money off of me. Any ideas? im desperate! or tips are good too!

Set a goal for yourself with a reward. Tell yourself when I have x amount saved up, I'll buy (fill in something you really want here). Whenever you're tempted to raid your savings, think of your reward and how much longer it will take to get it if you take money out.


You can also set aside a certain amount of your money for spending and only take that amount when you go shopping. When I was in my teens, I was bad to spend any money I had with me. I finally started taking only the amount I allowed myself when I would go shopping; the rest I left at home. It worked because I couldn't spend money I didn't have with me. To this day, whenever I go somewhere I might be tempted to overspend (such as the mall), I take only a certain amount of money. I leave my checkbook and credit cards at home.

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hey ummm this might be long.... ok this guy i really like asked me if i wanted to lose my virginity to him....and i was like asking him questions like if we would ever go out and he said he didnt know maybe.... and he also doesnt want anyone to know about it...which i can see that to because i dont want it getting around school either but i have the feeling that he doesnt like me and he just wants to lose his virginity....but i dont know. and like after we talked about doing it around his birthday and then like all of a sudden he asks my best friend out and im like OMG... and they went out for a couple of days........ but i havent talked to him about it anymore because i havent got the chance to... but i dont think he likes me anymore... so does anyone have any advice?
--->confused

Honestly, it sounds like he just wants a piece with no strings attached. It sounds like he's using the fact you like him to convince you to give up your virginity. If you give in, you'll be setting yourself up for a heartbreak. My advice would be to tell him no, you're not interested, and then stay away from him. There are plenty of great guys out there who will like you without you having to put out.

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I need help with a diet that is quick, easy, and exercise that I can do every day. I go to school, come home, go to work till 6:30 come home and do homework. Also I have a 8 month old son. So my schedule is already packed pretty tight. Is there anything I can do??? HELP!!! I weigh like 200 lbs. and im 5'6. HELP!

Stock up on fresh fruits and veggies for snacks. Since time is a problem, you might consider one of the ready-made diet meals such as Lean Cuisine or Weight Watchers. They're designed to give you the nutrients your body needs while keeping calories and fat low. Most can be prepared in under 5 minutes. If you eat out, most restaurants have some low-calorie menu options to choose from.


As far as exercise, your son can be an asset. Put him in a stroller and go for a walk. He'll enjoy getting out and you'll get some exercise. You can use him to tone your arms by lifting him in the air and then bringing him down. In my experience, most kids love this. You can sneak in some situps by sitting him on your stomach and leaning him back against your knees then raising up to give him a kiss or make a funny face.

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My brother has ADHD and he took meds for it for a few months but then got sick off it and my parents agreed to take him off.


Well, his grades started dropping again so my parents told him that they want him to try the meds again.


His ADHD isn't as bad as some people; he does have a hard time paying attention (he'd just rather think about other things he could be doing is what he says) and is really active but not enough to get him in trouble at school, just attract attention and affect his grades.


Well anyways, today is the second day he was back on his meds and he hates it. He's so...different. And I can't stand him when he's like this, he isn't fun. He's just not himself. He tried talking to my parents but they say his grades suffer too much with out it.


He wants me to talk to them but I'm not sure what to say. He's already promised that he will try super hard to pay attention so that's all I have right now. Any ideas?


If it helps any, we're twins and both 17, I'm a girl.

It could be the medication he's on. Instead of doing without it, perhaps he and your parents should try talking to your family doctor about trying a different medication. Sometimes it takes a couple tries before they find the medication that works best.

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I absolutely love to read. Can anyone give me lots of great teen books (novels are great!) that you absolutely loved...Most likely if a lot of people have read it, ive read it too. so think of some good ones that not many have read. some examples of my faves are Looking For Alaska, and Hard Love. Just looking for some more options!Thanks a bunch.

In my teens, I loved anything by SE Hinton. Say Goodnight, Gracie by Julie Reece Deaver is a great book and one of my all-time favorites. If you enjoy mysteries, you might try books by Sue Grafton and Mary Higgins Clark. If you enjoyed the movie The Princess Diaries, there is a book series as well. I haven't read the series, but it might be an option to try.

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