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my husband and i don't have sex anymore even though we love
My husband and I have not had sex in a year. This is no doubt of monogamy. We both have health issues, but come on, in a year! He is 40 and I am 39. We have been married for 6 years. We never have had a good sex life and I just don't know what to do to get the fire going. We are affectionate as far as he rocks me in the recliner, kisses me (not romantically), we still hold hands. It seems we are more like loving room-mates and I want more. He is definately my soulmate. We were each others first for sex. We met in college but at the time he played football and that was his life. After 11 years of being apart we got back together. All my friends tell me it's a fairy tale, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them about my sex life, because they think we have everything. Please help.
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Dear I Want More,
Yes, a year is a long time to go without sex. And, yes, health issues can kill the urge for some; might this be the case for your husband? Have you discussed this with him? If not, this might help. If you have and it has not helped, perhaps it's time to consider seeing someone professionally. Relationship counseling can be helpful, if you're both agreeable to the process.
For many, the role of sex in an intimate relationship is a complicated matter and it goes hand in hand with old baggage. Now, we all have baggage of some kind, even those with so called "perfect" relationships. (Which in reality don't exist.) Sometimes, as we change (emitionally, physically, etc.) it can affect our libido, and for many it's next to impossible to address without seeking assistance.
Your friends might not be the best choice for discussing the situation, but only you can say for sure. As you know, your relationship is worth the time and energy that it would take to make this interpersonal inquiry. Also, I'd like to suggest a book that might be helpful called: Listening to Midlife, by Mark Gerzon. It's still available on Amazon.com.
You deserve a healthy relationship in all ways: physically, emotionally, and sexually. I wish you well on your journey!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Yall are way to young to be going without when you don't have to be! It's time to have a serious talk with him. Let him know that you love him more than anything and no sex is not required but it is something that you miss. There might be something going on with him that he's to embarassed to talk to you about (erictile disfunction) which is very common more now than it ever was, and if that's the only thing that's up with him, with all the new med's that's out now its a shame to be starving yourself of a wonderful sex life when you dont have to be. If you don't want to talk to him about it then suprise him! When he's gettin' off work you be waiting in your room with sexy lingerie on! I'm sure that would start the fire! There is so much yall can do to spice up yall's sex life and make him come beggin for it, literally~!
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Health issues could play a role. If you haven't already, I would suggest you both go for a checkup, just to rule out any problems you may be unaware of. You would be surprised at the effect many common health problems can have on your sex life.
It may also be that you've got in a rut. Have you tried some new things? Sometimes even just trying a new position can do wonders. If you don't know where to start, there's a wide variety of couple-friendly books and videos out there. I don't mean porn. I mean the instructional types.
How is the romance in the relationship? After a while, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day routine. When's the last time you had a candlelit dinner or went off for a romantic weekend? It might be worth giving it a try.
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This might sound weird coming from an 18 year old, but i kind of know what that's like. My boyfriend and i have the same problems at times, just not that long. Whenever we feel tension, or like we need to just get things going, we go out to dinner or just spend the day together. This normally makes us want to be around each other more, physically i mean. You could try recreating the day you guys met, foreplay, anything. This could be because you aren't as interested as you think you are. Try new things & experiment, it might make it more fun and meaningful! this might not have helped you much but it was worth a try! good luck
♥ Evy
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