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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi, so I've been dating this girl for a few weeks. Now she is REALLY beautiful, all the guys are after her. I even received a text from one of her guy friends saying he was going to try and steal her from me. She also hangs out at some other guy's houses the whole time. I know she is loyal, as am I, I just get worried because we really love each other, but she lives in Texas and i live in Tennessee. It's just that I've dealt with long distance relationships before, they don't work out. But with her, I know it will last a long time. I'm just wondering, should I be worried? Should i keep loving her? :(
The only LDR's that have a chance of working are couples who were already dating and then went off to other colleges and after college got together again or marriages where the seperation is due to one of them going into the military. At that point, all they can do is keep contact frequently long distance.
However most the people in LDR's have never met face to face so they won't even have a clue if there is any sexual chemistry let alone what its like to be with them 24/7. I did dating on line after a divorce looking for guys in my local area but we met online first. I found that even just a week of talking online before meeting, I already had hopes and imagined things as better than they were. I found that it is just theatre of the mind when dealing with a person online.
Yes, I found a couple guys I could drool over who looked like males models, so surely with those looks and how I reacted to their photos on line, there must be chemistry. Nope. I found it doesnt work that way. What my response and yours is most likely is purely Lust instead of Love and chemistry. When I met him in person, we had 3 dates and I never heard from him again. I could tell there was no chemistry felt for either of us. Same with the other.
Yes you have good reason to worry, you are not local, in person for her. You worry because there is no way to fully trust her, trust is built slowly over time by being there in person and witnessing that your partner is everything they claim to be, are consistant in their character, personality and their beliefs and morals. You can't know that over the computer. Even if she didn't intend to fall for someone local, humans taste and touch and experience in person.
If your tummy was hungry for food, tell me, would a photo of a meal on the internet, a chef's prize winning meal, take care of your hunger, or would you need to eat a real meal of food to take care of your hunger? How about touch? A hug, a kiss or tickle fight. Does kissing her face on screen tell you what its like to kiss her, how soft her lips are when you are kissing a flat hard screen? There is too much info missing in such a relationship so we make up most of it in our minds, filling in the missing pieces with our imagination which is why I call it theater of the mind. If after a week only, I was already imagining the other person, any longer makes it even worse. The best advice I have is you are a teen is to give up as you can't just take a vacation to go meet her or relocate. If you are an adult now on your own, plan your vacation days with her so she has same days off and go meet her. If you both are madly in love, then you will do whatever to be together in one location. To go back to living in separate places means there isn't enough love to want to be together in real life.
Hi... I'm a 15year old female and in my country you are not allowed to see a doctor alone until you are 18 years old. I Think i may have a health problem but i am not sure...My mum and family think i could be just overreacting because in the past i went in the hospital for really minor issues that took place because inwas actually growing up..Anyway i know you guys here are not doctors but i just want to know if you guys here may have had symptoms like mine and what the outcome was. Ps.I realized that everytime someone talk to me about some disease i find myself observing my body and freaking out about things that i find abnormal or
that i have not notice before.. So the problems i have now began after some people came in my school to talk about STDS...I have never had sexually intercourse..Anyway my SYMPTOMS are as follows:
1.i recently began going "off" in the toilet every two days before it was every 3-4 days.
2. Stomach aches
3. On the left side between my legs hurt.(groin area)
4. Breakout on face that are small but in huge piles.
If you have never had any kind of sexual contact, then it is not an STD. It must be through some kind of contact, skin touching skin, sharing of fluids, like saliva and vaginal fluids and fluids from the male.
You can not catch it the same way you catch cold or flu germs, not through the air or by touching door knobs or other surfaces. So don't worry, its not an STD.
More likely since you are still going through puberty, it's related to those kinds of changes in your body and it's common for young girls to get cramping and pain with their periods. Some can get the cramping pain just on one side at the time when you are fertile and an egg is being released from an ovary. I experienced that later in life, cramping on one side, but as a teen I had the full cramps all over the abdominal region, so bad I'd be rolling around in bed in a fetal position. I know that Drs. now can treat severa heavy bleeding (bleeding that won't stop and no padding will hold) or severe cramping. Some cramping is usual and then everyone has a different pain tolerance. If the pain gets to where a pain reliever won't help, and it be comes disruptive of your routine, unable to go to school, some girls have been unable to even walk if it was so severe, then you need to see a doctor.
The breakout you have on your face also comes with puberty for quite a few kids. While most get occasional minor acne, thats what it is called, there can be a small percentage of teens who get severe cases will large sores, not just a few tiny bumps. I had 3 daughters and 2 of them got the acne, both on the forehead. It looked so bad that they requested I photoshop any photos of them on the computer that I planned to use, to erase the telltale acne sores. Drs have something they prescribe these days for the acne if its really bad, a cream to put on it. Doesnt work for eveyone but its worth a try. In case you're intereested, now that both daughters are in their 20's, they no longer have any acne.
So if you have any concern and want to see the Dr. talk to your parents again. Insist on seeing a Dr. and let them know how bad it is for you. If they think the skin problem isnt worth a trip to Dr. they should at least for heavy cramping and once at the Dr, ask them what they can do for your skin too.
Hello Advicenators, First of all I would like to note that this is not my account. My friend is letting me use hers because she thought this website would help me figure this out.
I`m an 18 years old female. Three nights ago, my boyfriend came to sleep over my house. He came late at night and we had sex..lots of it and by that I mean it lasted a long time. In the morning, we had more sex..lots of it and at night again...also lots of it and then he left and went to his house. The following morning, my vagina had an irritation but I did`nt worry too much because it has happened before (where my vagina had an irritation after sex). This morning, I had a big, thick, white discharge on my vagina and I started to freak out. My vagina still has an irritation and the discharge keeps coming. Is this because we had too much or is there something wrong with me?
It's either normal discharge after sex or an allergic reaction.
After sex, there will always be something leaking back out. Not all cum plus your fluids flow back out until you're up for the day, then gravity works and a little can trickle out. Your vagina has its own cleaning system that will kick into gear, the same pasty, crusty stuff you see on panties in between periods.
The other may be allergic reaction to condoms. If you are using condom's, I am guessing it could be an allergy to latex. There are apparantly 4 types: latex, lambskin, polyurethane, and also a new material called polyisoprene. Latex condoms are some of the most widely available mostly likely because they are the least expensive. The others cost much more. I have had the itching myself after a night of lots of condom use too. I think a good percentage of women experience that if it is a period of lots of sex vs just a one time time, over with quick. You can make an appt with your doctor and let them check to make sure it's not something else, but since the reaction was so immediate, I am guessing it's more likely allergy. Perhaps you can be checked by doctor for allergic reaction. If so, then you may have to try another more expensive type of condom. If it's not easily found on the market and must be ordered or can be got at a pharmacy, check if there's a prescription for it to lessen the cost. I wouldn't think so but it doesnt hurt to ask.
If the reason you are choosing this method for birth control to avoid hormonal ones, there are others, mainly use of a diaphragm with spermicide and the copper IUD. There is now an IUD with hormones so if you go that way, be sure its copper, not the Mirena or any other hormonal one. I have used both mentioned and got pregnant using diaphragm, but never with IUD. It is at top of list of effectiveness in protection.
Good Luck.
hi! ive been vegan for about 7 months and i did the change because i love animals and also health.its been great,ive been mostly eating whole foods,fruit & veg.i dont think about meat or dairy,i never liked meat that much beofore so it was easy giving it up,but now & then i start craving sea food,like salmon,shrimp & clams,its food that i grew up with and love.please give me some inspiration and tell me how bad fish is,i need some motivation because i wont to stay on track.
Fish and sea food is one source of protein and its an important part of your diet as well as dairy, especially when growing up. If female, the calcium found mostly in dairy is important for health.
Salmon is actually recommended as a heart healthy food for the Omega 3 oils. As long as its not any clams or oysters from a red tide, seafood is safe to eat. I am a part vegetarian. I eat alternate sources of protein but at times will enjoy seafood or chicken, no sausages, processed meats, bacon or red meats. And I am doing fine having eaten that way my whole life. According to doctors recommendations for diet, fat, sugar, salt, I am doing just fine and you can too if its important to you.
Here's a article about alternative sources of protein. Keep in mind that the seeds and nuts part also refers to buttered versions, such as peanut butter, cashew butter and tahini which is sunflower seed butter. There are also other seed and nut butters if you look in health food stores.
Vegetarian doesnt mean you live only on vegetables and fruit, just no creatures such as animals and sea creatures. Some will still eat eggs which are protein too. Make sure to get dairy products every day. Get used to lower fat milk if all grown, but if still a kid/teen you can use whole milk. Yogurts are great to have or try something new on the market called Kefir. I have mine over granola every morning. heres a link:
http://www.kefir.net/
Should I stay with my boyfriend? I'm 13 and he's 16 but he lives all the way in London. I know some of his friends and that's how I met him. We started back talking a few days ago. I found out that he signed up for the army and he has three years of training. He did it so he wouldn't have to be with me anymore but he wont break up with me and he says that he wants to be with me.
I'm so confused and I need to know if I should break up with him.
Just by your choice of words, it sounds like this is a long distance friendship, conversing on line.
That is a far cry from a face to face relationship.
I will give you details regarding what the purpose of dating is, to begin with. When done reading it, I am sure you should be able to decide better what you will do, whether you will keep in touch via the net, and whether you will continue to call him a boyfriend.
The Purpose of Dating
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. This can't be done in LDR's and works only in real life face to face relationships. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. If you break up, when looking for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner.
My wife lived in Byron Bay, Australia, and she absolutely loved it. I am America. She is South Korea with an American green card, and we currently live in Louisiana. We both really want to move to Australia in around 3 to 4 years. I am a high school English teacher now, and I'm working on my master's and she will be going back to college soon. She is 23 and I am 27. What can we do now to be able to ensure that we can immigrate to Australia in about 3 to 4 years?
Since she has a green card, you may best bite the bullet and pay to see an emmigration lawyer to go about it correctly. Here's a website just off the net listing certain cities in your state with how many such lawyers in them.
http://www.martindale.com/immigration/s-Louisiana-lawyers-cities.htm
If they can't help you, at least they can direct you to whatever sources you need to be in touch with.
so I'm relatively new to actually expressing my emotions so I don't want to mess up on this. I want to sing this song I wrote for the person I like and I want to tell her, but I don't know how to say it without sounding....stupid. Because I have the tendency to act completely stupid when it comes to being around her. And today had to be one of the best days I've had with her, we were smiling/laughing the whole time and messing around on the bus ride home. I don't know, it's just been a good day and I haven't been this happy in awhile. I just want to know what's the best way to say how I wrote a song for her. Not exactly sure how to present it...if that helps.
Additional- Genderfluid/18
You basically asked this same thing recently. Now you've said a bit more. It sounds like you are not close friends yet, just acquaintances from school or riding the bus so you need to at least show you have an interest in her first as a friend and possibly more before you sing your song.
Its a very good sign that she enjoyed talking to you and laughs and smiles with you. If a guy didn't like a guy, she wouldn't talk to him or smile and certainly not laugh. She wouldn't want to sit near him if she's not interested in him at all.
So, she's interested, that means you need to ask if she'd like to hang out sometimes and give her your cell number and get hers. Start talking and finding out more about each other, what you have in common and focus on doing those things together, like perhaps bike riding, listening to a favorite music artist together, you both like same genre of movies, or maybe books. Go to a library, choose a book together and spend time together taking turns reading it aloud to each other. Theres so many possibilities. After you've spent some time with her, then let her know you have something to share with her, a song she inspired you to write.
The reason you get tongue tied and feel awkward or dumb when around her is because you have these genuine feelings. If you didn't it wouldn't be so important what she thinks of you. Relax, everyone goes thru this. Best way to handle it is to tell the truth when you are around her. Just say that you're feeling nervous and dumb right now because you really like her and hope she doesnt mind. You'll find she's most likely just fine with any awkwardness and perhaps didn't even know.
Good luck.
Hello, I'm 20/female.
I don't even know where to start. I just passed the entry exam for Nursing school last week. I'm super excited because I studied so hard for so long and was one of 5 people out of 50 who passed in my testing group. Nursing is my dream and I'm very dedicated but I know the schooling is going to very difficult and time consuming after my first year. I start in a month.
I've also been with my fiance for two years, who is a male and I love him to death but I'm starting to really doubt how good we are for each other. Our life goals are vastly different and his hobbies and pass times don't line up with mine. We get along fairly well and everybody except my brother, father and my bff (who know better) think we're a perfect couple and want to see us get married. Right now we're making things work and love each other but the thing is...I think I'm lesbian. My fiance was my first and since then I've come to realize that I enjoy the company of women much more than I do men and I find them much more attractive.
I live in a small town though (where I'll be in college for several years) and in the past when I've looked to try and date other lesbians there just weren't any (even on the dating sites) and I don't want to come out without knowing for sure.
I was starting to think about actually telling my bff in the hopes she would support me and go with me to some lgbt friendly clubs and help me decide what to do. Her and her boyfriend have been fighting a lot and she'd been talking about breaking up with him and showing me pics of these other guys so we'd discussed us getting our own place together so we could just be single and mingle without men in our lives. Then yesterday she announced to me that she's pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. I was of course massively shocked as she hasn't even been with him a year. Her parents didn't even know he existed and now she's acting like they're super happy again and everything is going to be just wonderful with a baby coming even though they're late on all their bills and in debt now, without a baby.
So then she got the idea to talk to her boyfriend and her boyfriend talked to my fiance (we're all friends) and the three of them decided that we're all going to get a house together in a month (same time I'll be starting college) because according to them "it will lessen everybody's finances and she'll have a good home for her baby".
So now she's super excited and has decided their accidental baby will magically fix all their problems and that she's so happy that we're all going to be living together as two "perfect couples" and that it will be "so much fun" to raise her baby with her boyfriend and her best friend (me).
Meanwhile I feel like I'm drowning now and my hand is being forced and all the sudden her life is my responsibility too and I didn't even get a say because I don't really have any other options.
What do I do?
Doesn't sound like anyone consultedd you with this idea of renting a place together. You don't have to do it if you don't want to, just because all 3 like the idea. While it is a good way to cut living costs, when sharing a place, you want to get in with people you can tolerate long term, who are stable and settled and won't be changing their mind, not to break relationship breakups. A baby crying will wake you. You don't know how much a newborn can disrupt a household.
So both you girls aren't sure about your guys anymore, perhaps they aren't the best match for you.
I can't tell you whether you are a lesbian. There's always a chance that you are bi-sexual instead. I've known of bi women who are attracted to just one special man who is her husband, has chemistry with and kids with but he knows she's attracted to women. The husband allows his wife to have female lovers on the side. Men do not seem to be jealous of female lovers of girlfriend/wife. Who ever is your special guy, if you are certain that he is the right one for you, he needs to know.
Also, you don't have to be engaged in sexual relationships with a female, just to know you are lesbian or bi. You have these feelings and yearnings inside for a reason. There are children too young for sex who have figured out that they are transgender, gay or bi. You need to figure out or not, if you are sexually attracted to this guy or if you were just following the norm and for social reasons, dating guys but never really had any great attraction for them.
Since you are about to start school, I don't know how much free time you will have to date any women if you can find them. That may come later in life.
If you say nothing to the 3, you risk feeling miserable stuck with them and your boyfriend day after day, 24/7. If you haven't lived with them before, you can't know if you'd all get along together. YOu'd have to have same ways to keeping up a place, same habits and some other things in common but since you don't, it doesnt sound like they'd be a good match for roommates for you, none of the 3, unless maybe just one female roommate but yours is expecting and you
will end up with stress from your living situation possibly distracting you from studies.
If you need roommates badly, you could lesson the stress of having a boyfriend you dont want by leveling with them that you are gay/bi which ever it is, and tell him you are breaking up as his girlfriend but will consider still remaining friends and roommates. See if that flies and all are okay with it, if so, there's one less stress.
Or forget about taking the 3 on as roommates and advertise now at the college you plan to attend to find students going there who also are looking for roommates.
Hope all works out well for you.
Hi! I'm a sophomore in high school and I'll be a junior this next coming school year! So I wanted to start working this summer so i can save up for a car and so i can pay for gas and what not.
I need advice on applications and what type of jobs might be good for a first job etc.
Thanks :)
On job apps, don't worry about not being able to list any previous experience or jobs. Employers willing to hire teens know that there won't be any experience. Just fill it out the best you can.
As for jobs, fast food places hire teens, you may get some work at a store in a mall. My kids did both those, and two of them got work as one of a team of barista's, especially if its a coffee place inside a grocery store.
I was playing on the balcony and then I climbed on it and laid on it but then I lost my balance but then I got off. I walked down the stairs and fell down all 14 of them and now my ankle hurts. The pain is spreading up my leg and i'm scared to look at it. My mom would totally kill me if I told her but she's at work right now. I'm scared to look at it. What should I do?
My husband had something happen where he fell as a teen and got up and walked on it and it didn't hurt too much, but the next morning, getting out of bed was excruciating pain. He could put no weight on his foot. In a visit to Dr, it was found he'd broken his ankle. So at the worst, that could be the case for you, or it may be bruising and a sprain at the most.
Just by looking at your leg, you may not be able to see anything, or just scrapes and bruises when it could be worse.
Call Mom and let her know what happened. If she can't come home right away, keep your leg up, put some ice on it for swelling, don't walk around on it, just sit tight and wait for her to take you to see a Dr.
Is fingering makes a girl pregnent?.....
If there is pre cum or cum on the fingers when you insert them into vagina, then she can get pregnant, otherwise, no.
21/f
I'm not sure if this has to deal with anything, but I have been on birth control for 2 years now. I switched birth control pills 7 months ago. The doctor's have prescribed me the pills that would help me skip my period and only have it every three months.
Last year, I started off losing interest in meat. I would eat it whenever it is in front of me, I would order things that contain meat. Months later, I started becoming tired of meat and I wasn't able to finish it, then give it off to the person next to me. Now, I am nauseous of meat, whenever I think of something in particular, when I see something, I get nauseous. The other day, I ate some wings and then got tired of it and ate the rest of it the day afterward.
I'm not sure what it is, but lately I have also been craving for pickles and milkshakes. I heard those were common for pregnant women. So, I took a pregnancy test, and it was automatically negative. My doctor said that if I try to skip my period, my body will trick itself into thinking that its pregnant, could this be it? But if so, it doesn't make sense when it comes to me feeling nauseous towards meat.
Any opinions? What do you think it is? Am I slowly becoming a vegetarian without my choice?
Sorry I didn't see this sooner. The hormones used in hormonal birth control are made to mimic the ones your body naturally releases when pregnant. These hormones tell the body that you are already pregnant so that an egg won't be released and no period.
A truly pregnant women will have all these symptoms and more, headaches, breasts tender and/or fuller, weight gain, loss of libido, mood swings and of course nausea and throwing up. Here's an article that covers the benefits and the side effects of the pill.
http://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/postpartum-birth-control/side-effects-of-birth-control/
At the end of the article is a suggestion you can make to the Dr. regarding the content of a different type of pill worth trying.
However, what you want, to go months without a period is going to have these results no matter what pill you are taking. Its not natural for a woman to not have periods monthly and that messes with your body's health in major ways. Would you continue to take it if once you stop to have kids, your body is so confused it can't get pregnant? Or it may take a long long time? The regular monthly pill too often delays ability to concieve. I have no idea if what you're on could make it worse...but if it were me, I wouldn't be messing around with taking such drugs. While told it's safe to take, that really translates to "It won't cause sudden death of you" but it doesn't cover all the medical problems and side effects it may cause for you. In the article, you'll see bloot clots as a slight possibility and those can cause stroke. When I was your age, I told the Dr. I wanted to use the IUD, intra uterine device for birth control. My mom had used one and its hassle free, no side effects, if you get the copper one that is, Paragard. If you use Mirena, theres hormones in it. But IUDs are good for years, up to 10 so the most cost effective birth control out there. Your body may not be able to handle ANY hormonal BC, and frankly, its not worth it for the trade off, less periods but having to feel like you are pregnant for as long as you take it? Thats longer than a pregnancy for most.
I would suggest if you're willing to put up with a monthly period but no having to remember to take anything, then check out the copper IUD.
Copper has the same effect as the natural plant that some native people used long ago before contraceptive were created. I am talking about Daucus Carotta, which is the true Queen Annes Lace flower and ancestor of todays carrot, the roots smell like carrot. No one can grow enough of this to use the blossoms and seeds in a daily tea so it's not practical anymore. But what Copper and Daucus Carrota have in common is that they both changee the lining of the uterus, making it too slippery for any fertilized egg to attach. It may sound like a too chancy thing, what if an egg is still able to attach? But if you read online the percentage of effectiveness of all contraceptives, the IUD is the highest in rating. So this making the lining too slippery actually works. My guess is that because the initial cost is more, and there are no pharmaceuticals used in this version, pills and hormone laced BC, needs to be pushed to keep money coming in. Unfortunately, the medical systems is like any business, you want return customers to keep it going and if every woman used only IUD's, then that would be a huge financial loss of income to the medical industry. You need to take concern for your own health into your own hands. Read up on all the Bc's out there, be well informed of side effects and why some supposed have less or no side effects. Then tell your doctor what you want. They can't force you to take something you don't want. I told them what I wanted and got it.
You are not becoming a vegetarian because of a medication you take. But you are mimicking what pregnant women go through. They can have cravings, some smells or foods suddenly have lost interest or make you nauseous. That is normal. But you can't stay healthy without a balanced diet. A pregnant woman who gets nauseous with meats would be recommended to take other things that have protein in them. But that would be just to get past the naseous stage of pregnancy unless it was the whole pregnancy to some extent. But then it ends when the kid is born. For you, this will go on, year after year or for as long as you take this pills. Do the research, take control and interest in your health and then based on what you find out vs what you want, make the best informed decision and tell your Dr. what you want to find out if its possible. Then either put up with your side effects or try a non hormonal birth control.
how much holes does she got there?
Females have an ass hole as you do. They also have a pee hole and while yours is located at the tip of the penis, her pee hole is right above the entrance to the vagina. So the only thing different about a female, is she has one more hole than you, the vagina hole.
I met a new friend at school and we are getting to be good friends (far as I can tell) anyways I had issues before with previous friendships not given them space etc ,anyways I learned from that. The teacher met with him and asked him if he had any problems with me hanging out with him and he said no. then she made a plan and she said we can no longer have lunches together and only can sit together once a week before school and we can say hi and have a small talk in the hall. We both had to agree with this ,Also she told me ,He is not ur friend ,you can only be friendly with him. She said we are teaching you too Personal space and limits with people. (he had some problems like i did but not with me ) is the teacher being unfair ? we are both in highschool
You wrote with the same issue a month ago and I was one who answered you. All I can guess is that you didn't somehow see the answers. It was Jan 15th. Anyways, my previous answer still stands and here it is:
What kind of school do you go to? I have never heard of anything like this. Back in the 60's we still had some teachers who liked to discipline with slaps and ear pulls and take the time to make judgements, set rules and punishments for individual kids...but that doesnt happen in todays schools. Teachers are only supposed to teach, not play God over the kids. Any behavioral issues if they truly exist are handled by other staff, counselors. This sounds unreasonable. And if no one ever complains, this teacher will continue to get away with it. Talk to your parents and let them know what is going on. If they don't approach the school staff about this, then you go to the school counselors and mention this.
i am hoping to get my questions posted on this site as in to the open forum or as in a private question in someones advice column is there a way to do it and are there any other websites like this one .
The blue column at your left screen has all the options available to you. If you hit 'ask a question' it will be posted for all advice givers to see.
If you have a particular catagory your question falls under and you want to find advisors who say they specialize in those, then choose 'Browse Advice Columnists" Once you have chosen who you want to write your particular question to where no one else will see it, you must do a search for their column and click on the button for asking them a question/contacting them.
I don't know of another advice site like this. When I went looking for one to be able to give out advice on, this is the only one I found.
18 F
Months ago I was able to call the most beautiful girl that's ever been in my life, mine. Sadly we parted ways but still remained somewhat in contact. We would occasionally talk, interact on social media, just never face to face. Today I asked her if it would be okay now to hang out and she said she to be honest she'd probably feel uncomfortable.
What I fail to understand is that she made it clear at one point I was the only one that still had feelings. Not ashamed of that, but now I don't have feelings for her and she still isn't sure we can be friends?
While dating she taught me so much. Like self care, and how to generally be happy. I've grown so much in the past few months with her and with out her and it kills me to think I'm going to lose her completely. I accept the fact that we can't become lovers again but being friends would be so much better than not having her in my life at all.
I'm not sure what I'm asking, maybe just some reading some thoughts on this would help me.
I find her answer quite reasonable, feeling uncomfortable. It doesnt matter what in her mind would make her uncomfortable, you just must honor her wishes.
Yesterday was my first day of English class and it's in the same building I met my best friend. I sort of felt like my anxiety begin to rise as I passed by the classroom where we met. I doubt it's PTSD because it wasn't traumatic as a car crash. But I stopped walking for a second before I want to class and pictured me and her laughing outside of the room like we used to, sort of an imagery of us. It's probably just me freaking out being apart from her but I don't know...I don't think seeing images of any sort is good
Hon, You've written in often lately, all about the friend who's moved away and you miss her lots. You've had others and myself try to encourage you and give our best advice.
Since you're still asking about basically things related to the core issue here, I would like to make a suggestion:
Could it be a reasonable situation, that within yourself, you carried the possibility of developing anxiety issues in your life and it took something like losing your friend to kick it into reality? the other things you are feeling too seem to be overwhelming you to the point that it may affect your ability to move on with your life. Just a suggestion again, counselors are there for things like this. You may need to see someone professionally for a while to help you work through this. You don't need to have a mental illness to qualify for seeing a mental health counselor. I went to see one during a particularly stressful time in my life and it helped. I highly recommend you do this dear. I am almost sure it would help. If you're not of adult age yet, let the parents know how this is affecting you and ask them to see a counselor which most likely will need to be recommended by your family doctor/insurance plan. If they don't take you seriously, go talk to your school counselors and ask if they can hook you up with professional counseling for your issues with loss of friend. good luck.
ok so the thing is I have been talking to this boy name dyllon for ab 2 months now and he has had a girlfriend ever since but now I have a boyfriend but he broke up with his girlfriend because he felt that she didn't like him so he wants to date someone who likes him and now he wants to date me but I date a boy name austin, but I just recently started talking to him. me and the boy dyllon tell each other I love you all the time, but I just don't know what to do! but the thing is, the guy dylllon goes to a different school and me and Austin go to the same school. help me please😩?
I assume you're young and not old enough to drive to go visit the other. So far it seems more like crushes on boys and yes you can have more than oe at once. I did, 4 guys I had crushes on all at once.
When we are young and just starting dating, its something new we need to get used to and the best way is by just dating. But we make mistakes more from not knowing any better. Much like its hard for many people who have never driven a car to be able to start one, take off and drive as if they've done it for years. It takes practice, and during the time of practicing, fender benders can occur or worse. Thats like getting hurt in a relationship, being dumped, someone cheating on you. Its all part of growing up.
Advise for you:
Do not try to date someone unless they are free to date.If he has a girlfriend, wait til he's free to let him know you'd like to do but you must be single also.
If its not dating necessarily but having boys as friends that you want, then you can have as many as you like. You are not makeing a commitment to be a girlfriend as in romantic couple.
It is okay to date several guys at the same time, but only for as much time as it takes you to decide which one is better for you, which you like more. Older people do this. Lots of young guys do this and piss off girls. The difference where it can work is if you want to go out with a guy but you aren't sure if you'll stay with him for long is to let him know right up front that you aren't totally sure who you will end up choosing but right now you are dating to decide if a guy is someone with whom you want to become their girlfriend and you may accept dates from other guys at the same time until you make a commitment. Guys understand this, cus lots of them actually do this. Of course there are immature young guys who can't handle this, are territorial and get jealous and the younger the guy, the more chance he won't go for it. Older guys have no problem at all...I've done this. This sets the situation in your favor, you are not acting desperate to win him over a bunch of girls, but he has to be on his best behavior to win you because you are considering other guys.
So, end result here, I don't care if you date both Austin and Dyllon at the same time, or one at a time, just make sure neither has made a commitment to a girl asking her to be his girlfriend. Just because you see a girl hanging out with him alot does not mean she is his girlfriend. She could be a hopeful wannabe like yourself, or she may be just his best friend, no romance.
So ask the guy if he's single. If you see another girl in the equation, ask who she is to him. Once you have your answers, you ask him to go out with you, or you don't depending.
Hi there. I'm in a long distance relationship. Its been about almost a year we've been together. I have known this guy for a long time now. Longer than a year. Things have been going good for the most part. On valentines I got a video from him. And I haven't heard from him since. He's still liking my Instagram photos and viewing my Snapchats. He's also viewed what I have sent. He hasn't spoken a word to me. Its so weird. And all this waiting is making me very Andy. And I've cried a lot because I believe he has left me without saying anything. He has never done this. I'm so taken back but I think if he wanted to break up with me that he would have said something. He also would have taken me off his Snapchat and unfollowed my Instagram too. So. What is going with him? We haven't seen each other yet and it painsvme so much. My mother has done whatever possible so that we never see each other. In fact. Just yesterday she complained and couldn't understand why why we needed to see one another. I want to take off and see him of course. Its not fair or right that our that our relationship should fail all because mama put the brakes. Please. What do I do?? I've cried so much. And I'm in so much pain. I'm 25 and he is 26
Well, at your age, you're an adult and can decide what relationship to get into or not. Likely your "Mama" is relying on her life experience or stories of people she knows to determine whether this is the best way of going about finding yourself a partner. I too from experiences in my own family know that long distance relationships in general do not work. there are exceptions of couples who were dating and then go off to different towns and colleges and keep in touch and visit on holidays or breaks and then marry after college. Or the military wife whose husband goes off to whatever he is scheduled to do but its away from home and he's gone for months or years at a time. They keep in touch via long distance. These LDRS have one thing in common, they knew each other, met and were together before situations drew them apart for a while. Not saying these are are successful, there is still a possibility of failure in the relationship due to the stress of being apart but its far far less than those who meet on the internet and have never met.
I am not saying the internet is not a good way to meet people, I am saying that when used as a way to learn of someone's existance and if focusing on those close enough to actually meet, as soon as someone sounds to your liking, you find a way to meet them as soon as possible. I suggest within a week and if not possible, then within a couple months 2 at most. The reason is that with the internet, it is all 'theater of the mind' and those things you believe are fact may not be at all, it is too easy for a person to hide things about themselves. Never mind that when you do meet, the two of you may have no chemistry. Chemistry and pheremones is a very real thing. I used the internet and dating site to meet guys after a divorce. I am social and desired a new life partner. I met some that sounded so wonderful to me and when I met in person, about 1/3 of the guys had been hiding something from me. Example: I get allergic reaction to cigarette smoke so I said 'no smokers'. One guy thought when I met in person, since we did so great in chat, that I'd fall for him even though he was a heavy smoker. I stuck to what was important to me and told him it wouldn't work for me, as nice as he was. I wasn't looking to make a guy change to be with me, he had to already be there.
I also found a guy who I clicked with and talked long hours each night on the phone, his face shot was pretty handsome. I wanted a guy who was height and weight proportionate, a nice way of saying, you can be overweight but must be able to be as active and energetic as me and have same diet habits, mine more lean to health foods. Well, when I met him in person, the large collar hid his double chins and he was extremely obese. He ate a very poor diet, mostly into fast foods, never cooking for himself, always eating out or just consuming junk foods in between. I was shocked again. If I had spent a year or a couple just being in relationship with either one and falling for them deeply and then met, it would have all been for nothing as I had criteria for myself of what I was looking for in a guy. And they didn't meet it.
Now I found a guy who was extremely handsome. the kind of handsome like a model, where just the looks of the guy makes you drool and feel sexual juices being stirred up. I was thinking at the first meeting, wow, how'd I get so lucky? I was so taken up with his looks it blocked out my ability to pick up on chemistry until a couple dates later when he had me over for dinner. We kissed when I left and the chemistry was slightly there but not that strong in the kiss. I am guessing he felt none at all as I never heard back from him again. Chemistry is just as important as the friendship you feel and friends is about all you can have on line and then, even the in person friends are way more rewarding than someone to chat to on line.
The family I don't who had a long distance relationship, and was younger than you, but when they met, they were so excited, they kissed and held hands and were so lovey dovey and then he went back home because of school. And now that draw, that excitement to finally meet had been taken care of and both of them found their interest in each other starting to lessen. They didn't write each other as often and eventually it stopped totally. that was NRE, New relationship energy which seems to be sustained and go on longer in LDR's because of the inability to meet in person. NRE mimics the real thing, real love but it isn't. Its the same as the excitement as a kid over a Christmas toy. It was exciting while you saw it on TV, or tried it in the store and begged to get it, and it was exciting for the first few days or weeks you had it but eventually you lost your interest or it didn't draw your attention like before. With an LDR, you can't build trust, it must be built in person. There is no way to know if he doesn't have a couple other girls in LDRs as well or if he's dating one where he lives. Its too easy to keep secret from you as others have found out the hard way. A year in my opinion is too long to spend waiting to meet in person. You're both old enough to have jobs and your own money to travel and meet when you both coordinate vacation time. If he wants a relationship with you, let him come to you. Set a date time and place, then you will know if the two of you really want to be together and no longer separated by a computer screen. You'd both have to work out who has a profession/job that is easily found again anywhere in relocation, and who had the job they cannot leave, tenure, or whatever. Then the two of you plan for one of you to relocate, get a place together and then you see if it can work long term. Living with someone 24/7 means nothing can be hidden for long from you. This is the only way to really know whats important to know. Does he have any behavior that is destructive to the relationship and mistreating of you? You won't know til you live with a person.
You may love mom but you no longer are being raised by her. She had her chance to train and influence you the best she knew how. She may be right as I in knowing that LDRs are not the best way to find a mate. Its one of the worst ways to find one in fact, another would be trying to find your mate by hanging out at bars. If someone need drinks to be outgoing or gets drunk all the time, not a good place to find a life partner.
But in the end, it's your life, your choice. I've told you all you need to hear to realize what an uphill battle this may be and he still may not turn out to be the guy for you. So why waste more time pretending he's your boyfriend over the internet, when you both can arrange to meet in person and discover for real if he's the one.
If neither of you are ready to do that, neither of you are ready for a real face to face relationship and may never be. Often a reason is that LDR's are safer if kept that way, you don't get feelings hurt. But as you know, you're hurting. So whats the solution? Do nothing and you keep hurting because nothing is resolved, you don't have an end or revelation positive or negative so you know where you stand.
If you do meet, you risk finding out he isn't who you though he was and there is no future there and you go home hurting. But that hurt, like a breakup in real life, will go away eventually over time. If you meet and its love at first sight as well, then hurray, problem solved, you found your guy and now can work out compromises to be together. If one of you isn't willing to compromise, then back to feeling hurt and having to drop the guy, no matter how great, if someone places too many other things in life as more important than you, then you fall too low down on the totem pole and he is not in love with you as he may claim.
F/18. I have been thinking way too much about my old English professor and I think I might have some weird crush on him. I try to avoid anywhere he's at and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Usually when I like someone I tend to be shy and, as mrntioned before, I avoid any contact. I'm doing that even though he doesn't give me class anymore. He's about nine to ten years older than me and he told my class once that he actually had an “unrequited" crush. In case you're wondering, I would never attempt to be in a relationship with a professor even if the age difference wasn't major. Its not that I don't have an open mind, I just feel that it would be... just plain weird. He's a really nice guy - in case you're wondering, he's not a charmer or anything like that. I guess that's what I found attractive; he's considerate, funny, and generally one of those nice people you just can't hate no matter what. That's the problem. I usually look for flaws or reasons to dislike the person I like... but its not working so far. In fact today I saw him out of the corner of my eye and I literally just took a different path simply so I would not pass by him - he still passed by me and I hope to God he doesn't remember me at all. So... anyone have any thoughts? How can I get over this quickly without falling into depression or any crap like that? I already have hypothyroidsm, I have enough hormonal problems to put up with for a crush to be added.
This starts at puberty and will follow you through life. At your age it is very normal to be looking at any males that catch your attention and age doesnt matter, it can be family, neighbors, teachers, friends of your parents as well. What you are automatically doing is following a natural instinct that females of the animal kingdom have been doing for a long time, checking out and evaluating the male to see if he would make a good male to mate with. Humans have more specific reasons why they look and then have crushes. It also doesn't have to involve a full blown crush as some men you find yourself admiring are taken or not capable, being married, already dating or gay.
What will help you to not feel so bad about your feelings and see it as a natural thing is to take the proper response in these circumstances...which is:
Study the person hard to be able to put in words, in a journal, or a document on your computer, a list of pros and con's about guys of what you have interest and a desire for and what you do not want. So maybe it's his self confidence that jumps out at you, along with a winning smile, easy going, laid back type of personality with a great sense of humor. List those all out. I am serious. I did this in my forties to find my second husband. I wish someone had told me this when I was 19 because I had no idea of what I wanted so the first guy who asked, I married at age 20 and it was a disaster.
Watch couples in public, maybe even girls dating at school. How do you see their boyfriend/husband treating the girl. If you witness a guy belittling his girl in front of others, he's inconsiderate and unwise with his words and not a caring person. If you hear a guy call his wife an idiot. That's a guy who is verbally abusive and if he makes a big deal of telling others how the girl falls short in his eyes, he is seeking to purposely hurt her and shame her. Again, these are actions that don't come from a guy who truly loves you. YOu get the idea I am sure.
Remember that there isn't just ONE guy with the traits and attributes that attract you making you crush on him. When you realize you are simply being forced by nature to begin sembling an idea of what the perfect boyfriend or future husband is, this is a very important matter. So you take it seriously too. Do you want kids some day? Is your religious belief or lack of it important to you. If agnostic, you might not want to be involved with a Christian who believes your soul is in danger of Hell and wanting to convert you to his beliefs which become an even stronger desire to do to you if he has fallen in love with you. Love or not, that's one area it wouldn't work. If there are too many others, then he won't be a good prospect at all because the constant irritation of differences will eventually break up a relationship or cause one to cheat if they don't want to break up.
At your age, I found things I admired in men usually older than me, even up to senior citizens. Sometimes I crushed on a guy, other times I just admired what I saw in them. Once I was married, it didn't stop me seeing a guys looks as very attractive, feeling chemistry just being in their presence. This has been the sexual arousing thing. Hubby had a friend over and I found myself thinking all of a sudden of wanting to touch his hair, play with it as I passed his chair. The impulse was so strong that I was afraid I would do it. I had to run and hide in another room until he was gone. Like yourself, run and hide, and I was Married! But it wasn't a Happy marriage, hooked to a guy very wrong for me. So that instinct in a case like that will keep on working no matter how old you get, until you find that Mr. Right for you. And yes, we all have our faults and odd habits but those things should irritate in a relationship if he meets everything on your list or close to it.
Work with your list often. Something you thought important before you may not think so as you grow and mature as a person. You will refine your list until you have 10 criteria (at the most) that are a must have to you. I had 7. But some of those, when describing a characteristic covered a whole lot of things like being kind and complimenting, building me up with words, no tearing down or belittling as I had before, no voice raised to me in anger and very communicative. That can be covered in "I want a guy whose is good at communicating and its always done in positive ways. Then all thats left when you do meet someone who is available and shows interest in you, is to stick with your list and not settle for less.
Your frame of mind in how you think about your crushing and how you use the situation to your benefit with starting this list, will take the focus off of it as something uncomfortable or wrong or awkward and I believe you will be able to comfortably handle being around him without feeling you have avoid or escape. At least, it has worked for me.