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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
So I struggle with severe body dysmorphia disorder. I only ever hear compliments about my appearance, never any negativity. But I still see myself as very deformed and hideous.
How can I feel better? I've tried therapy, and every therapist I've had just made me feel worse, so I'm not doing that again no matter what anyone says, I'm sorry.
How can I just focus completely on my inner beauty and never on my looks (except for healthy self-care)?
It's not that I'm vain, it's just my illness makes me focus on my looks so much.
Does anyone have any tips on how to improve my personality so I can be sweeter, kinder, more caring, more sensitive to people's feelings, less angry and irritated, happier, more enthusiastic and optimistic, etcetera?
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
You say you have tried therapy without success. I did some quick reading on this disorder an it is labeled a mental disease. This tells me if your a therapist such as a PHD that could be the wrong approach.
Therapy with a psychologist is the right approach but you also need the help of a qualified, meaning Board Certified Psychiatrist. Why a psychiatrist? Because dysmorphia disorder falls into the area of anxiety and depression which are a treatable part of the problem.
I suffered form clinical depression and I can attest to the fact that depression is everything it is cracked up to be. Your perception of everything is way off. Which is part of your problem you see defects in your body that may or may not be there.
With a proper evaluation by a Board Certified Psychiatrist proper medication can be prescribed. No I didn't feel as if I was a walking zombie. As I did you may have to work your way up to the proper clinical dosage which can take several weeks. As I did I could feel a change in me and my wife saw a change in me. No I was not cured but I was a lot calmer and my perception was changing. Now I was ready to work with a psychologist to get at the root of my depression and work on how to avoid becoming depressed in the future.
If how my depression does not sound like what you have been though in your treatment then I suggest the following.
1. Male an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical. Both the psychiatrist and the psychologist will want you to do this to rule out any organic reason for the problem.
2. Find a Board Certified Psychiatrist to evaluate you and prescribe medication. Your insurance company can help you with this.
3. Find a therapist to work with. Your psychiatrist may recommend some one he or she is comfortable working with.
Since you are most likely female if you would be more comfortable working with females then ask for female providers when asking for suggestions on providers from the Insurance company or any of your doctors.
The key to successful therapy is a willingness to be totally open with your therapist. Hold nothing back, just remember what is said in therapy in therapy no one but you and the therapist will ever speak of it to anyone unless you give written consent to do so.
IF you have not gone through treatment the way I have then please give my advise a try. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
My current boyfriend who I fell in love with over the last 3 months has had a terrible childhood which left him with some big fears and insecurities inside. This is now putting a huge strain on our relationship as his inability to trust is coming out in full force.
First, his dad left when he was 5 or 6 years old, but not left in a I'm divorcing your mother I'll be down the street kind of way, just disappeared from his life and he never knew anything of him again. (Recently after 20 years he found him finally in another country after years of looking and they had a nice chat but obviously that's not really his father anymore it's a stranger to him)
Then, his mother begins to drink heavily, she becomes an alcoholic + promiscuous. He recalls many people she would bring home that he could hear them and how sometimes she would tell him and his little sister that she would be right back and disappear for days. Other times she would be too drunk to respond to him in a calm way so there was some abuse and name calling and hurtful things there too. (He recently after going to therapy with his mom was able to finally forgive her)
He had to basically raise his little sister by himself with the help of his grandparents (which he respects very much) but which are not very loving or warm and never provided him with more than financial help (I've met them they are very reserved almost cold - *Swedish roots)
So, all his life he has never received love, he doesn't know how to receive it. But I fell in love with him because he , despite all of this, is a genuinely good kindhearted person. He helps everyone, he cares about the earth, he cares about people. He is wonderful. He just doesn't know how to accept love.
And from what I'm seeing now that we are together for a while, he always has an innate fear that when he finds love it will leave him. This translates into - insecurities in the relationship, constantly checking to make sure I still love him, trust issues so deep about cheating (though I've never and would never). It is something I told him I was willing to work in with him.
But he takes it to a whole new level, and I know, I know very well that we can't no matter what we do give people security. That comes from inside them. I can't fix this. I know that.
Now my question is, what CAN I do? How do I handle the constant doubting and fears (it does put a toll you know) and he does deserve to have love , he craves it he wishes it so much. He always says I'm an angel sent from somewhere to bring so much love to his life and the best thing that has happened to him, but when he drinks and often when he doesn't drink too, he starts to doubt me, how much I love him, he starts to ask if I am going to leave him, if I'm always honest with him etc etc ..... what CAN I do? If I want to be with him for this not to destroy us eventually?
Let me first say you are a wonderful kin hearted person to want to do this for him. It is not going to be easy to help someone to overcome these insecurities and to learn to love. You need to be a strong woman and you need to have thick skin for his insecurities will be taken out on you. In the end though it will be worth it for the love he returns will be strong and long lasting.
That being said this is something you cannot do alone. He has been to therapy with his mother. Now he needs therapy to help himself. The two of you should go together. He needs to see the therapist alone then you need to see the therapist to find out what you need to do to help him and to have someone to talk to about how all of the work your doing for him is wearing on you.
In a sense you are going to be rebirthing him and teaching to love and trust. This is going to take time as learning to trust as an adult does not come easy.
I had sex with my bf on 11th and 12th of august
We had it twice on 11th in which he didnt cum and once on 12th in which he came. We used condoms. On 12th we used 2 condoms. Just to be safe. We replaced the condom and used the second one. He is sure that he checked all the condoms. None of them broke. I had viral fever the week before i had sex. Because of which my hemoglobin reduced(not much) and my platelets also dropped. My hemoglobin came back to normal. But on 11th my platelets were still low. My periods are usually late by 3-4 days. Sometimes they're even 10-11 days late. But this time they're 14 days late. And on 14 15 16 i had slippery vaginal discharge. Like it is during ovulation. But this time it was bit oily. I dont have any pregnancy symptoms. Am i pregnant? I'm really scared. Please help.
Your probably not pregnant and there are many different reasons why women miss there periods. One of the biggest is illness. You had a viral fever that upset you natural balance this can cause your period to be late or missed all together.
Illness coupled with stress over if you could be pregnant is another reason for missing a period. If being ill wasn't bad enough stress alone can throw off your menstrual cycle causing you to be late or miss a periods altogether. More women miss periods over stress of being pregnant then women who are actually pregnant. That slippery vaginal discharge may be the only form of a period you might get this month.
The only way to tell for sure is to take a home pregnancy test. As long as you are over 14 there is no reason it can't be sold to you by law. If you are a teenager read the package directions to see if you do have to take the test with your first pee in the morning. IF you don't then take the test kit to school and take it there discarding the package and kit in the ladies room. If you do have to test first in the morning take the kit into the bathroom when you take your morning shower. Carefully open the package, take the test then put everything back in the package and back in your hand bag or what ever you hid it in and take it to school to discard.
Should you get a positive result don't panic. These kits give more false positives that then anything else. wait another 5 days and test again.
FYI: Just because you boyfriend did not ejaculate does not mean he did not emit any ejaculate during intercourse. Just like you get wet to lubricate the male emits an ejaculate during intercourse that he does not feel or control. There is enough sperm in the ejaculate to impregnate.
While I honestly do not feel you pregnant and that being sick and stress is the cause of your missed period. Should I be wrong and you are pregnant the one time you had unprotected sex with him even though he did not ejaculate is how you got pregnant.
As I said I don't believe you a re pregnant so in the future no condom, no sex. Oh and in the future just one condom per intercourse is needed. Using two at a time actual increases the chances the condom with break.
I'm in my early 20s , a female and havnt had many full time jobs before.
I have just started new role, and I like it and the team seem nice.
My problem is that for some reason at work and in work environments I become very shy. I don't speak out and join in small talk. I put my guard up and somehow I just CAN'T join in!
At first I on purposely kept quiet because I didn't want to seem too pushy. But I'm worried if I carry on I might seem less shy and more aloof. What should I do? I have bad social anxiety.
Unless you have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder by a doctor you don't have it. People greatly confuse being introverted with social anxiety. Being introverted in general means your overly shy which could have many reasons.
I always considered myself introverted so where did I end up making my living. As a manufactures Representative. A fancy name for salesperson. I actually had to go in and talk to strangers. Worse I had to get them to like me so they would buy from me. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone.
I was able to do this on my own as I was awarded a 4th stripe during my 4 years in the Air Force making me an NCO. The power of that 4th stripe helped me in that those in lower ranks had no choice they had to listen to me. I don't recommend joining the military to get over your being introverted.
My father was also introverted when he was offered a job where he had to interact with customers. No he was not a salesperson he was a field engineer. He took a Dale Carnegie course in public speaking that really helped him. This I do recommend or any Public Speaking course you might be able to attend at your local Community College.
In today's world more than any time before if we wish to get ahead in this world we need to be able to get out of our comfort zones. We all have comfort zones. You and I were or are comfortable in being introverted. As the saying goes that is not going to feed the bull dog.
There is a very good motivational book by Dr. Spencer Johnson called "Who moved the Cheese." It is all about being in a comfort zone. Now it is meant to motivate Salespeople though I believe has meaningful for anyone stuck in a comfort zone. Amazon has it in hard cover for $4.89. It's a quick read with lots of silly illustrations.
I would suggest you by a copy of "Who Moved the Cheese" for yourself and either attend a Dale Carnegie course, which must be costing around $500 now or take a Public speaking course at the local community college. Between the two and with some determination on your part you can move out of the comfort zone we call being introverted. I did and I made a very successful living for my family.
Do black women wear panties?
This is really a racist question that I refuse to answer.
So I had unprotected sex with this guy and he of course came inside of me but I took a plan B pill but we had sex again and he came inside me (didn't tell me). Is the pill still affective or sound I take another?
You have omitted certain factors as in how long between taking the plan B pill and when you had the second intercourse. I would suggest rather then right back and wait for an answer you talk with the pharmacist where you got the plan B they have the knowledge needed to tell you if you need to take another and what questions to ask you to make that decision.
IN the future I suggest you insist on you partner using a condom even if you get on birth control Condoms not only are effective at preventing pregnancy but they prevent the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
No matter how well you may know the young man never trust then to tell you the truth about their sexual experiences prior to you. They are horny and lusting for you and will tell you what they think will get you in bed.
Every time you have unprotected sex with someone you are having sex with every person they have had unprotected sex with an any person that they have had unprotected sex with. Condoms are inexpensive and takes less then a minute to put on correctly. In fact you can make putting on the condom part of foreplay. When I was your age and the AIDS virus had not come about the girls had a motto, No Rubber no Lover. It was a good motto then and a better motto today.
FYI. Anyone over the age of 14 can ask for contraceptive medication from their doctor and it will be supplied. Under a law called HIPPA any one over the age of 14 has medical confidentiality when it comes to the reproductive system. Parents cannot be in the room if you need to speak to your doctor about anything concerning your reproductive system including asking for contraceptive medication. Anytime you have a female examination unless you give written permission to the doctor the results of that exam are confidential and not even a parent can see them; nor can mom be in the room during the exam.
I'm 24, female, and single. I want to be in a serious relationship since I haven't seriously dated somebody in a couple years, but I'm picky (according to everybody else).
For example, I won't date somebody who is still working as a waiter (unless it's at a high end restaurant with big tips), at a fast food restaurant, or a minimum wage position. I just feel like once you're old enough to have a college degree or prior work experience you should have a better job. I'm not expecting anybody rich or anything, but at least for the person to be making an average wage. I make a little more than most people my age, but I don't even have my degree yet (finishing my bachelors) so I feel like I'm not asking that much. If I can put in the work to find a job that pays more than minimum wage so can other people. I understand of course if something is holding the person back from getting something better, but it needs to be something other than laziness and low work ethic.
Unless they already had a good job and did it for fun, I won't date somebody who's in debt from a 4+ year degree that they knew would not be in demand. For example, I know people who went to school for something like Humanities and are now in tons of debt over it and can't find a job. I feel like it shows that the person makes extremely poor decisions seeing as they had 4+ years to change their major to something more hireable.
Unless he's genuinely saving up a ton of money or has to help his family, I won't date a guy who still lives with his parents when he's 23 or older. I feel like by then you should at least have an apartment with friends or live on campus.
I won't date somebody who doesn't have a car. If you're 22 or over I feel like asking for somebody to have a car isn't crazy. I worked my butt off to get a car at 19 and I'm on my second one now.
I don't feel like I'm asking for too much. I feel like all of my requests are more than manageable for anybody who's not being held back by a bad situation. Yet I get people who tell me that I'm a gold digger and a bitch for asking this much and that I'm going to be single forever unless I stop being so "materialistic". Well I don't see it that way, I see it as being financially responsible. We're not talking about 18yo's we're talking about 23yos and up.
Are they just suffering from special snowflake syndrome or am I being too critical?
Are you being to critical? Is the glass half full or half empty it really depends on who is looking. I believe you are very mature for your age more so then your friends. Someone has instilled value and work ethics in you that most people don't learn to well beyond your age or never.
I worked for a multinational multimillion dollar company owned and operated by the fifth generation of family One summer one of the family members children was assigned to me as my inside contact. He had no worries as to where he was going to work when he graduated or how much he would make. His college course was Law Enforcement. Now he never intended to be a police officer or have anything to do with law enforcement other than some of our products might be used by their mechanics. Why was he taking these course? As he told me; "People who do poorly in math take law enforcement.
Now if you judged him buy your criteria he was a poor catch. He lived at home, during the school year if he needed more money then he made during the summer he worked at a fast food restaurant and he drove a family car when he was home. Now there were some perks he had but you had to date him to find out. He could call up the company pilot and if the plane wasn't in use he could jet off to Vail for the weekend.
While there is nothing wrong with your values I'm trying to tell you not to judge every book by its cover. some people takes jobs because they will work around a class schedule. IF you judged my inside guy by your criteria you would missed out on a great guy who was a great catch.
Your criteria for dates is critical one that is going to leave you home a lot for you are looking for a perfect fit in an off the rack world. The way to find the person your looking for is to use dating sites like match.com.
I have a project for school. I have to make a product with an advertisment and nice packaging. It vant be food and has to be realistic and has to work. Please help with some unique ideas on what to make. It must be something that would be able to be sold.
Submit this question again. This time include your age and grade level. Also be more specific with just what the project is for. IT sounds like a science fair project.
The more information you provide the more answer you may receive. Right now there is just not enough information to offer you any help.
Hey, I've tried to pluck out an ingrown hair and I made a mess of it before I went on holiday, it's been 3 months since I've done it and it appears to be healed but it's still really red! Is this a scar or will it go away?
Without seeing it I can't tell if it is a scar or something else. What I can tell you is an injury should not take 3 months to heal. Being on the bikini line does make for an exception in that wearing of any type bikini be it swimwear or underwear can run the injury and keep ,it from healing.
Given it has taken all this time to heal I suggest you go see your doctor and have the injury swabbed so a lab can determine if there is any infection at work here.
Please heed my advice as there are infections out there that if left untreated could put you in an operating room the results of which you will not like.
If you do not have family doctor a walk-in clinic can provide this service or any hospital ER. Yes I think it is that important.
First off, she didn't straight up say it was phony, she just said "You're not even Jewish". She said that because in Judaism they believe that you're only Jewish if it was passed down to you through your mother and my mother was Roman Catholic where as my dad was Jewish.
Throughout my last two years of college I've been trying to get closer to my Jewish faith because I've just always considered myself Jewish. Though my mom tried to raise me Christian she always did it in a forceful way which of course made me turn away from it. I also just believe more of the basics of the Jewish faith than the Christian faith.
I've struggled with it though because unlike many Jewish children, I was never put in a Jewish education program and never had a bat mitzvah. I was never really taken to Synagogue except for maybe on a few occasions, but was frequently taken to a Jewish family center for a while when I was a child. However as I grew older all of that stopped and my dad distanced himself from the religion.
Last summer I was supposed to go on a birthright trip to reignite my faith, but it fell through last minute due to money issues so now I feel even more lost (though I hope to try again this coming summer).
I just moved recently so I wanted to get involved at a local Synagogue, but was feeling stressed about it because it seems like most synagogue members have all of the Jewish education already and are "real Jews" who went to Jewish school, had bat(or bar) mitzvah's and were raised in a Jewish family who celebrated all the holidays and prayed in Hebrew, etc.
When I was telling my best friend about my struggles with it that's when she said "You're not even Jewish". I tried my best to brush it off, but it keeps circling around in my mind.
Technically, she's right I'm not even a real Jew. Now I'm wondering if I'm just a big phony who convinced myself that I'm something I'm not and if I should just give up the act already and consider myself agnostic. I do believe in a god, but I don't believe that the bible was right about everything and technically I can't be a Jew because it wasn't passed to me through my mother. So I'm not really either am I? So does that make me agnostic then?
I'm so lost and confused. I feel like I've been lying to myself my whole life and that I'm really just pathetic for trying to cling to a religion that I'm not allowed in.
There is nothing to say you cannot practice the religion you wish. Technically speaking though you are not Jewish by birth,, That can be corrected if yo9u wish by speaking to a Rabbi. I don't know everything it entails other than part of it includes taking a ritual bath.
Ivanka Trump was not Jewish but converted to Judaism so she could marry her husband who practices the more Orthodoxed form of the religion. Now that she has converted she is accepted as Jewish and so are her children even though she was born by a mother of another religion.
There are three major forms of Jewish Religion practiced; Orthodoxed, Conservative and Reformed. Chose which form of the religion you wish to follow then find a Rabbi with a temple for that type of congregation and go speak with him. If the Rabbi is not available when you visit the Temple speak with the Cantor.
I'm 23 and I'm so sick of my dad living his life like he's a teenager. He's so irresponsible about everything and it infuriates me.
For example, he took an extra key I had for my apartment without asking. I found out when he started just walking into my home without knocking. I told him the extra key is for my roommate's fiance, but he doesn't care and won't give it back. They're also not normal keys so I can't just have to locks changed.
When he does come over he acts like he's coming over to help me with something, but he just lays on the couch and sleeps all day. Yesterday he woke me up barging into my apartment at 11am so he could sleep on my couch until 6pm. It's so incredibly rude, but he thinks because he's my father he has a right to come over whenever he wants. He needs to go home and sleep in his own bed, but he doesn't because he has too many animals and they keep him awake.
Next, whenever I need his help (like today I really needed to go to the cellular store because my phone broke and he has a password on the account so he has to come with me) he always shows up extremely last minute or not at all. If I ask him when he's coming he won't answer me or will tell me one time and then show up hours past that.
Going back to the pet thing, he always picks up new animals and even though I tell him don't bring any over he does anyways and then he leaves them here to get them out of the house. Last time I had to find a home myself for a kitten he brought over. Yesterday he left another cat at my place. He knows I'm not allowed to have more than my one cat. He also won't find homes for the ones he already has. He just expects people to look at his facebook photos of them and adopt them. Then whenever he does find a home for one he takes in 5-6 more.
He eats extremely unhealthy, for breakfast he has snack cakes and he only drinks powder tea and soda. He never takes care of himself. He's been sick for three weeks because he refuses to take the antibiotics prescribed to him.
He cusses out people at his workplace and then wonders
why he hasn't been promoted in over 20 years. He told his boss he doesn't give a f**k what he thinks. He wonders why he can't get a different job when he hasn't made any good references and has worked at the same entry level job his whole life.
He's in an insane amount of debt because he took a loan out on a house without even seeing it and when he moved in realized it was falling apart and needs lots of repair work he can't afford. He's about to file for a second bankruptcy and thinks that will make all his problems go away. He's been in the house 5 years now and the AC has never worked.
Instead of saving his money it all goes towards his animals and stupid stuff like toy cars he thinks are collectible. He let his animals break every item in his house, spray all over the walls, and ruin his furniture. It's all disgusting. His whole life is disgusting and he won't even try to fix anything.
Please help. What can I do? I'm so sick of my dad living like that. I want it all to stop and to have a normal dad with a nice home and no animals destroying everything. I want him to be able to get a normal job he enjoys. I want him to eat healthy and have nice things. I want him to stop using my apartment as his bedroom. I want him to actually help me and do things in a timely manner instead of sleeping all day and waiting around until the last minute.
I can't stand it anymore!
From what you have written you are saying your father is rude, intrusive and lazy, but he does have a steady job. That's is the up side. On the downside he is heavily in debt, doesn't take care of himself or follow doctors orders.
If you want you might have a case for conservatorship something you would need to discuss with a lawyer. This would allow you control over his finances and depending on the type of conservatorship the court assigns you may have control over hi health and well being as well. The one pint that might stand in the way is his ability to maintain a job for 20 years.
I don't see your father changing just because you have asked him to. You could get a court order to keep him from coming into your apartment. It is called an order of protection; though I don't believe this is what you want either.
I know the type of lock you have I put one on my then girlfriend, now wife's apartment because one of her roommates passed out keys like party favors. You can have the lock changed. It will be expensive and it will be at your cost. You will need to ask the landlord for permission and make sure to give the landlord a key. You need to tell the maker of the lock how many keys you want when you purchase the lock.
As for the phone you don't need your dad on your account any longer. Take the phone in for repair and trade it for a new phone under your own name. Your 23 if your credit is good you don't need your father on the account.
I'm currently taking Latuda for my schizophrenia and anxiety and it's not working. I've been on other medicines.
Latuda is a medication most often prescribed for bipolar disorder not schizophrenia. This leads me to wonder who is treating you.
When doctors go through residency they spend time in different areas of treatment. IF a doctor does a rotation in psychiatry many states will allow them to practice psychiatry. Some family physicians may feel comfortable treating some mental health problems if they have had a rotation in psychiatry.
Schizophrenia is a serious mental health problem and should be treated by someone who has done extensive training in psychiatry. This would be a Board Certified Psychiatrist. This doctor has completed a Fellow ship in Psychiatry and passed all the required test to be certified by the College of Physiatrists to practice psychiatry. This is the doctor that should be treating you.
IF you are not seeing a board certified psychiatrist find one. Get properly diagnosed and properly medicated. If you are seeing a board certified psychiatrist find another for a second opinion.
So long story short, I've been working for a couple months now and I didn't know that during pay day my job sends pay stubs in emails. So one day I asked my boss for my pay stub and she said it was in my email, which it wasn't so I told her to send it again to me, she said she would and I never got it. I reminded her about three more times and she always told me she would but I still never got them. So since my manager isn't really in control of the pay stubs I think somebody else higher than her is, is it Human resources? Should I call someone there about my pay stub? I need it because my pay check isn't adding up and I want to see if I got paid correctly. I even googled if there was a website to view my pay stub. I found one but I don't know if it's legit. It's called online wage statements .com /(name of company you work for) the website asks for your employee number and the 4 digit password that my boss said would unlock the paystub I never got. What should I do? Should I try the website or ask her again hoping it will finally work out? Or call someone in HR? (Do they even handle paystubs or are they just hiring managers?)
Follow the advice Dragonflymagic has given you. You have a legal right to your pay stubs so you can justify and verify you are being paid correctly.
Monday morning you should go to HR and
1. Find out if payroll is outsourced if so tell them you haven't been getting your pay stubs and you are not getting help from your manager. You want the URL to get into the website with a password today along with instructions on how to access the site.
2. If Payroll is done in house where is it done, who do you contact, the manger of payroll department is who you want to speak to. You ask this person for URL to get into the website with a password today along with instructions on how to access the site. Again tell them you want it today.
If by end of business on Monday you do not have the information you make the following call and lodge a complaint. Every state has a wage and hours board or commission under the Department of Labor. You call them and lodge a complaint.
heyy am just 17 yrs and I was a virgin until I recently had sex and I didn't see blood until we had sex the second time,then I saw blood,this is the third time and am seeing blood stain agaln.please am worried
The blood you are seeing s probably from when your Hyman was ruptured or torn from your vagina. Now the Hyman is not a solid piece of tissue blocking your vagina. It has one or more holes in it from which your menstrual blood flows out.
It is very possible the first time you had sex your partners penis slipped through one of these holes just like a Tampon might. The second time the position you had sex in, even if it was the missionary position, may have been just enough different that when he entered you instead of slipping through a hole in the Hymen he actually ruptured it.
Why after the third intercourse are you still seeing blood? Again nothing to worry about this is very normal especially if you did not give your vagina time to heal after the second intercourse. When the Hymen was ruptured or torn it was the same as if you cut yourself and the wound needs tome to heal. If you did not give yourself time to heal the friction of intercourse pulled of the scab and opened the wound just as it might if you pulled on a scab on your arm.
My suggestion is you wait 10 days giving yourself tome to heal before you let partner stick his penis or fingers in your vagina. If you bleed again then you should see your GYN. I still believe you have nothing to worry about it is probably the wound is such that it needs a doctors attention to be closed properly. This happens a lot.
As for your parents finding out your sexually active, the can't. By a Law called HYPA for anything to do with your Reproductive system you have had medical privacy since you were 14. This means you can make appointments to see a doctor be treated for or ask questions about anything to do with your reproductive system. Your parents cannot see these record or ask the doctor about any visit for these concerns. By law the doctor or his staff cannot release your records to anyone including your parents without your written consent. Your mother cannot be in an exam room with you without your consent if you are having a female exam. You could be pregnant and the doctor could not tell your parents and your parent would have no say in what you care to do about it. If you wanted an abortion they could not stop you or force you to have one.
Just so you know you parents cannot force you to have a female examination. Something some mothers think a doctor can do and tell them if you are still a virgin. No doctor can tell if you are a virgin or not only if our Hyman is still intact. Given the active teenager today in sports, gymnastics and other activities her Hyman can be dislodged without her vagina ever being penetrated by a finger or a penis.
While I have gone well beyond the scope of your question I hope I put you mind at ease for your question and what the answer might bring in further questions. By the way make sure your partner uses a condom. Never have sex without one as besides its protection from pregnancy it also protects against many of the STDS and the HIV virus. If the boy refused to wear a condom keep your panties on. Never trust a male who will not use a condom.
Lately my BF of 4 years and I have been fighting a lot, my guess is due to built up resentment and stress. I finally got tired of the passive aggression between us and asked to sit down and chat. It was going great and we were almost done hashing things out until we got to one last thing...
After high school I weighed 220 lbs and thought that was a lot. I managed to lose 50 lbs and looked really great, but I was suicidal with clinical depression, and sort of thought that if I lost weight I would like myself/life in general, but it didn't work. They put me in therapy and on anti-depressants. The meds helped a ton emotionally, but made me gain weight like crazy. Over a couple years I went from 170-290 lbs. I've tried many times to lose weight but it is 10 times more difficult on this medication.
Anyhow, all that to say it's been a long journey but I finally feel in a really good place to diet, like I want to do it for my well being. For looks but mostly health, and I'm actually doing really well this time. The problem is, my BF is the opposite of me when it comes to emotions. I am very sensitive, and for him it can be hard to feel emotions sometimes. He hasn't been very good at showing me he is proud of me with my diet success, and hasn't been the most helpful. It can feel like I'm alone in the dieting, when he's the one who would sometimes pressure me into it. He wants me to be healthy for me, him, and for our future kids someday.
He was at a loss at how he could show his support, and I said he could do anything- come home and be like "wow it's been 2 months! Let's watch your favorite movie tonight
I know how antidepressants cause you to gain weight. I've been depressed twice and I will be on them for the rest of my life at a low dosage to help me from back sliding. Weight control is a problem for people like us.
As to emotions and support they are two different things. You say he has a hard time showing his emotions. A lot of guys do because they feeling showing there emotions or being emotional is a feminine thing. Support is something else. Support is more in the realm of something like this; "You know hun the last time you wore that dress it was really tight on you." "Now it is really looking good on you." "People are going to notice and ask what's different about you." Something to that effect. You can call it emotional support but it is not emotions.
Showing his emotions is for some guy being hard to say I love you or to say I feel your pain. Guys are suppose to be tough, never cry defender of their women and children. It is old school in this day and age though some male children are still raised in that manner.
I understand why your hurt but I can also understand why he said what he said for you said it yourself. He could have been kinder in how he said it and it may have been said in the heat of the moment and it just came out wrong. If that what this is all about my suggestion is don't wait for an apology. You go to him and say to him that he hit a raw nerve with you, which you think he did. Lets put this behind us and to a point your right I have dieted and failed. will you help me stay on my diet give me the support I need to have the will power I need to stay on the diet.
If he asks what that is you can ask for him to have his big meal at noon while at work and eat the same diet meal you have when your together for dinner. Having the diet meal with you is better for him anyway as it is not a good idea to have a big meal then sit on the sofa and become a couch potato until bed time.
This I think he could do for you if you ask.
My doctor diagnosed me with type 2 diabeties because my a1c was 6.5. My grandmother had diabetes was diagnosed with diabetes and she got rid of it.
But he also said I was Pre-diabetes? I don't really get it. Can it go away if I eat right and exercise? He prescribed me metmorfin.
A pre-diabetic is someone whose blood work shows borderline returns in the different factors the doctor uses to determine your insulin levels. The doctor will use different types of medication based on the numbers to help reduce the factors leading to diabetes.
I adopted my Husky about 2 years ago. The vet thinks he's 10 years old now. He was chipped with old info- his owner must have moved and left him behind. When we got him he was potty trained and everything, and he doesn't bark which is an AWESOME bonus for me. But right off the bat there have been some major quirky issues that are subtle at first, but they've become too big to ignore.
He is an attention whore. Ohhhh my gosh, you can pet him for 30 mins straight and it's not enough. NEVER enough.
He does not like to play with any toys. At all. I've legitimately tried everything- squeakers, crinkly ones, realistic animal ones, frisbies, tug rope, laser pointers, bones, even Kongs with food in them he gets tired of after a while. Playing is a bonding experience and you can get out a lot of energy with it, but he won't do it. So he gets bored. He digs holes, chews up random objects in the house (why doesn't he like bones if he'll chew up my floss?!?!)
So I took these as signs of pent up energy. I can't seem to exercise him either! When we walk it's like I'm not going fast enough, he pulls really bad and gets 10/10 distracted, looking for rabbits to hunt or something. He lunges after other dogs and snaps at them, wanting to fight. I've tried to work on all these things to no avail- he's soooo stubborn. The stop and turn around technique doesn't work. I taught him "look at me", but we start walking again and he instantly pulls. I've worked with him for, not joking, 6 months on this and NADA. STILL A PULLER.
So I take him on bike rides, but he just gets bored. We go for 2 miles and we get home and an hour later he's needy again. It's like it doesn't fulfill him.
SO as a means to work his brain somehow, I've tried to teach him tricks. Wont. Do. It. I taught him lay down but barely. He gets so frustrated, he just whines or won't listen- gets up and walks away.
I feel so fed up. I love dogs, I've had them before. And I love huskies, but I'm at a loss with this one. Why does nothing work? Can anyone relate, or does anyone have any advice?
I can relate some what.
Ten years old is really old especially for a pure breed. We adopted a pound puppy when she was about 9 months old and she too was attention starved for the longest time. These animals are smarter then we give them credit for. If he was left behind once then every time you leave the house he may feel he is being left behind again. So when your home he wants your attention. W
e got in the habit of telling her when we left, we will be back at --- so go up and lay on the bed and sleep. I usually got home first and she would be at the door to great me. My wife would get home just about 5. Tell me dogs can't tell time. About ten minutes of five she would go stand by the door. If my wife was not coming through the door she would come and get me so I would open the door so she could watch for her. I think she heard the car before she saw it for her tail would start to wag then when the wife parked she would start to jump and if I let her out she would walk down the steps and wait for her then jump ,up to be greeted.
Now if you ask me and my wife we will tell you that our dog had us well trained within a few weeks and that is okay for she was really a good dog and very empathetic. We were able to train her a bit. she of course loved ice cream. I would lay on the couch with a cone and I would take a glob in my mouth and force it out between my lips for her to lick of me. Not once did she ever bite me and she was very delicate in licking the ice cream. It was something she only did with me.
Try telling him when you leave that you will be back. When you get home say something like see I told you I would be back. I'm fairly certain that might calm him down when he learns to trust your coming home again. Right now as he sees it you leave and he does not know if you are coming home until you arrive.
At ten years of age he is going to be set in his ways. You might try a chock collar when walking with him and see if that doesn't send him a message. Use the choke collar for a few walks and see how he behaves and then a regular collar and see if he learned anything. But have patients he is and old dog and it takes time to teach him new tricks.
IF he is chewing up furniture give in a time out when you find it. Show him what he did wrong. Have a create to put him in and tell him "bad dog you get a time out. Ten minutes then all is forgiven. BE patient it takes time
My fiancé asked me to marry him 2 yrs ago & we were planning to marry this September but I'm having doubts about it because we live together & his bank stmts have his mothers name on the acct with him! I've been divorced 24 yrs & he & I have been a couple for 7 yrs. The house he refers to as ours is in only his name on the deed & we filed a joint tax return last yr together. If something happens to him, His mother benefits. He also has a safe that I don't have access to either. I live 600 miles from my family but I'm in the same town as his mother, (he is an only child) 41 yrs old! We already have a trip planned to Hawaii but my feelings for him have changed. I told him that it would be him & me not him, his mother & me. He didn't say a word. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Your not wrong for many different reasons. First and foremost you are about to take a trip if something were to happen to him you cannot at this time speak for him if he is unable to speak for himself. IF he has a living will and only his mother is designated to speak for him there could be very serious problems. For instance if he were to have a stroke. There is a medication that must be administered with in 3 hours to reverse the stroke. There is a 3 hour time difference between Hawaii and the West Coast, six hours to the east Coast.
Then there are other problems that could arise if only his mother is on his legal documents. The fact that you two have filed joint taxes does not give you any legal significances in his life.
You have at this time no legal status in his life. Should you marry you would become his next of kin and have a limited status but unless you are on his financials you would not have status there. The same would be true with any will he has. IF he has no will that would be better for you as then you are next of kin an everything of
his becomes yours.
You don't say if he was married once before or if this is a first marriage for him. The reason I say this is for some one to reach what I assume is his age and attached to his mother as he is sends up some red flags.
My son is marrying for the first time at age 40, there are extenuating reasons for this. The first time he was engaged the woman he was engaged to hurt him badly leaving him with commitment problems. Secondly he is a firefighter. Firefighters and Police officers have a hard time finding someone that can live with the fact their husband may not come home at end of watch. My future daughter in-law admitted she was reluctant to get involved with a firefighter. Once she met him she fell in love and decided she would take what ever time the good lord would give her.
Until they became engaged my wife and were very much involved in his legal affairs. Once my future daughter in-law made the commitment and moved in with him. I told my son he needed to start changing his legal affairs to benefit his future wife. I really didn't need to tell him as he had already started. I remain on one of his savings account strictly for emergency purposes so I can access funds for them if need be.
I have take the long way around to both tell you and show you that I agree that at this time this is not a match made in heaven. Seven years is a long time to be together and you did not say you have a wedding date set. It sounds to me as if he is tied to tightly to his mother to ever be much of a husband to you. It doesn't appear that he is ready to make the commitment most men make as soon as they meet the women they wish to spend a lifetime with.
Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Where is his 50 percent and will he ever contribute his half. These are the questions you need answers to. Without them I don't think you should stay much longer.
what is a painless and easy way to die?
I have spent the past thirty years as a fire department first responder and I have seen it all. There is no such thing as a painless way to die.
You're obviously in a bad place at the moment and I can understand that. I can also tell you no mater how bad you think the problem is. There is no problem that cannot be rectified or made bearable until a solution is found.
We can help you find a solution to whatever is causing you to feel as you are. This is our purpose and we have many different resources to call upon to help you with.
Suicide is final and it leaves be hind loved one who must live with the pain of your loss. Give us a chance to help you find a solution to your problem. There is no problem to big we cannot find an answer to.
Right, this friend of mine and I have known for almost a year. In our late 20's and we go to same Uni. we always have pretty good laugh and get along fine. we both have girlfriend and boyfriend, however somehow, I have always felt that he liked me and I like him too. recently he mentioned few times in a different occasion saying that, 'I would have married you if I had met you few years ago but we can stay mates, ok' and I replied to him not in this life as you have a gf and I have a bf, may be in another life and he said, 'well you said it not in this life' so are we warming up for next life then, he asked and I replied yeah' normally when we're chatting we are always smiling but this time it just looked serious was he hoping for us to start something if he had become single in the future or what? he did say, bottom line is, 'you like me and I like you' that's it ok. guys, what's he saying? is he hoping to start for us to get together if we both were single or what? I can't get him out of my head and I think he feels the same way as well but wouldn't tell. thank you all
I'm no expert on relationships though I have been married to the same women for over 46 years.
It sounds to me as if you are saying that your preset relationships are not what they could be and together you two would make a better couple. If this makes any sense to you and neither of you are planning a wedding or even if you are. I think the two of you should sit down and talk.
A next life time is a long way off and nothing says you will meet again in that life time. IF you are both questioning your present relationships or equating them to what they are against what could be if the two of you were together. It I strongly suggest you explore this before you ruin the lives of you present partners sometime down the road.
What I am seeing by what you two have said is a crack or a fissure in your present relationship. IF you continue with them and have questions as to what could have been then these relationships will fail.