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Very introverted in new job
I'm in my early 20s , a female and havnt had many full time jobs before.
I have just started new role, and I like it and the team seem nice.
My problem is that for some reason at work and in work environments I become very shy. I don't speak out and join in small talk. I put my guard up and somehow I just CAN'T join in!
At first I on purposely kept quiet because I didn't want to seem too pushy. But I'm worried if I carry on I might seem less shy and more aloof. What should I do? I have bad social anxiety.
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I am not an expert on social anxiety or any other psychological matter. At first it is perfectly normal to speak less as you are in a new environment and mostly observing people.
Try speaking wherever you feel confident about the particular topic. In the particular group have small talks with the individuals and slowly you will gain confidence to talk in group as well.
Don't think about it too much.
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Unless you have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder by a doctor you don't have it. People greatly confuse being introverted with social anxiety. Being introverted in general means your overly shy which could have many reasons.
I always considered myself introverted so where did I end up making my living. As a manufactures Representative. A fancy name for salesperson. I actually had to go in and talk to strangers. Worse I had to get them to like me so they would buy from me. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone.
I was able to do this on my own as I was awarded a 4th stripe during my 4 years in the Air Force making me an NCO. The power of that 4th stripe helped me in that those in lower ranks had no choice they had to listen to me. I don't recommend joining the military to get over your being introverted.
My father was also introverted when he was offered a job where he had to interact with customers. No he was not a salesperson he was a field engineer. He took a Dale Carnegie course in public speaking that really helped him. This I do recommend or any Public Speaking course you might be able to attend at your local Community College.
In today's world more than any time before if we wish to get ahead in this world we need to be able to get out of our comfort zones. We all have comfort zones. You and I were or are comfortable in being introverted. As the saying goes that is not going to feed the bull dog.
There is a very good motivational book by Dr. Spencer Johnson called "Who moved the Cheese." It is all about being in a comfort zone. Now it is meant to motivate Salespeople though I believe has meaningful for anyone stuck in a comfort zone. Amazon has it in hard cover for $4.89. It's a quick read with lots of silly illustrations.
I would suggest you by a copy of "Who Moved the Cheese" for yourself and either attend a Dale Carnegie course, which must be costing around $500 now or take a Public speaking course at the local community college. Between the two and with some determination on your part you can move out of the comfort zone we call being introverted. I did and I made a very successful living for my family.
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Perhaps you feel more comfortable with people you know well, friends, family. I was like that. Anyone else was an unknown quantity and I had no idea what they would think of me whether i spoke up or not, whether I would be teased or looked down at and you know, basically all the things that come with social anxiety.
You said the team of employees seem quite nice. So maybe they are. Start with trying to befriend just one person, meaning you talk to just the one more than others, get to know him or her better, have lunch together, and once you have one person who is a friend besides co worker, that may help you to feel like anxious seeing their face among other coworkers. There are personality types where it is normal for the person to be more quiet, speak less, listen more. To prove you are listening, feed back what you heard a coworker say. Someone says their daughter wants to be a witch for Halloween, and you say, "So your daughter wants to be a witch?" The other person is happy because you have shown you were listening and people like to be heard. What can you say related to that statement? Practice scenerios like this in your head when not at work, at home alone...think out what someone said at work today and after the fact, write down all the things you could have said.
Heres some obvious ones to the example above:
1. Does she have a costume yet?
If they say yes, you can next ask if she bought it or made it.
2. (she made it) Wow, you are really talented.
(she bought it) Where did you find the costume?
even if you don't give a crap about talking about a costume, you're doing it for them not for yourself cus you like the subject matter.
3. (She hasn't even begun looking) If you have seen some Halloween stores, then mention where they are. If you have a witches hat, you could offer to lend it to her for her daughter.
It doesn't take much to seem a part of the conversation. In general, most stuff people talk about, only half is what I hear, I find interesting to me personally.
Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone in tiny baby steps is what will help you to overcome your anxiety.
If you do make a close friend of a coworker, it may be helpful to have her know you have social anxiety so she can help draw you into conversations if you can't think of anything to say.
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