about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I'm 17/f and my boyfriend is 18/m and he doea not understand the meaning of time. He is constantly late to everything. And I mean everything! I used to put up with it (we've been dating for almost 2 years) but I just can't anymore.


About a week ago, my dad threw a party for his company and instead of going with my family, I went with my boyfriend. My family left for the patry and I left to his house. When I got there, HE WAS STILL ASLEEP! I got him up and he had to take a shower so he did that. About 30 min. later, his parents were leaving for the party and asked me if I wanted to ride with them. Of course I said no. My boyfriend and I ended up being an hour and half late to the party. My dad was really mad.


The next day, we were supposed to go to the mall at 2pm. Of course, he wasn't on time. It got to be about 3:00 when he finally got to my house. I told him that I didn't feel like going anymore and we got into this big fight about how he's always late.


How can I get him to understand that it's important to not olny me but to ohter people as well that he get's to where ever he's supposed to be the time he says he will?

Sit down with him and let him know how much his constant lateness bothers you. Does he work or go to school? Is he on time for that?


Another option is to tell him an earlier time to meet. I would suggest at least an hour earlier since it appears. If you're supposed to meet at 3, tell him 2 instead.


If he's supposed to meet you at a certain time, give him 15 minutes. If he doesn't show up by then, leave without him. When he asks why you didn't wait, tell him you couldn't wait any longer. After a few times, he should get the picture.

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I'm really interested in environmental science, especially anything to do with Oceanography. Except one tiny little problem: I live in Wisconsin. Now that's cool, because I can still study around the Great Lakes or work on other environmental aspects, but I'm a bit turned off by the job opportunities. Everyone I hear of who has a degree in some related field ends up working for the DNR or Water Resource Management. I don't want to do that. I really want to be involved in new research, in the purely scientific aspect of it. Does anyone know any career opportunities in the Environmental Science or Oceanographic fields that are NOT part of some government-run organization? Thanks in advance.
Nevaeh :)

It's hard to find a research organization that isn't government run or at least government funded. Have you spoken with your guidance counselor? They may have some ideas.


You may want to call the local college and see if you can speak to whoever is over the environmental science program. They can probably give you more specific advice on what you will be able to do with your degree. Have you considered a university-affiliated research program as a place to work? A lot of universities do research.


Are you willing to move? In some cases, it may be necessary to move to find an appropriate career in your field. Since you're particularly interested in Oceanography, moving to the coast may be necessary to pursue that.


Have you considered free-lancing for companies and developments? A lot of times when companies are expanding and wanting to put up buildings, there has to be an environmental impact study completed first. That would give you the freedom to work for yourself while still working in your chosen field.


Good luck.

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Well I'm in a pretty complicated situation. Me and my girlfriend broke up about a month and a half ago. We were in love with each other but because I was going through things and I took it out on her and she thought it was her fault so she broke up with me not wanting to hurt me anymore. Well over the course of this past month in a half I've tried to get back with her, but she said she just wasn't ready for a relationship. Well one drunken night (this friday) I IMed her friend (who I never talked to before) and started talking about my ex. She gave me advice and said I should give her room and not talk to her for a while and she might start to miss me and want me back. Well we started talking about other things and we talked yesterday and today and I started to get a little flirty with her. Now I've noticed that I'm starting to like her a little. Now I still feel the same way about my ex, but when I ask her if she still likes me she says she doesn't know. I'm not sure what I'd should do.

I would leave the friend alone if you want to even try getting your ex back. That's an explosive situation and will probably ruin any chance you have.


You mentioned that the breakup was because you were going through some things. Have you resolved the problem you were going through? I would resolve it first before attempting to get back with your ex. Otherwise the situation will just end up repeating itself.


Sit down with your ex and explain to her that it wasn't her fault. If you can, tell her what was going on to cause the problem and let her know that you have resolved it. Then, give her the time and space she needs to decide.


Good luck.

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This may be long. Well, I've known Greg since 7th grade. We dated all through highschool. He's a fun-loving guy and doesn't always take things seriously. So during the first semester of college, we broke up. I couldn't handle the way he didn't value academics. The next year I met Aaron, who's a few years older than me & already graduated college and earning a good salary. The whole time I was dating him, Greg and I were still good friends...and still in love. Now Aaron has asked me to marry him. (The wedding would be this summer some time, after I graduate.) I like Aaron a lot and he really cares for me. He could provide a good life for me and I think he'd be a good husband. Using that logic, I told him yes. But lately all I can think about is Greg. I love Aaron but I almost feel like I'm more in love with Greg. Greg still has feelings for me, too. The thing is, Greg still hasn't improved. He isn't very serious about things and I don't think he can handle responsibilty. I couldn't marry him. But can I marry Aaron, knowing my heart isn't fully his? So should I wait to get married or what? I really don't know what to do and I just want some opinions. Please reply; I really need advice.

I would wait. Just tell Aaron that you love him, but you want to wait for now. It wouldn't be fair to marry him until you're sure of your feelings. I think if you marry him at this point, you'll always live with the thoughts of what if.


I noticed that you said you like Aaron a lot, he cares for you, he could provide a good life for you and probably be a good husband. Using that logic, you said yes. Nowhere in considering the proposal did you mention you loved him. Are you sure that you love him or are you just in love with the fact that he's more responsible? It sounds to me like a lot of Aaron's attraction is that he's more stable and responsible than Greg.


Have you tried decreasing your contact with Greg? Perhaps if he wasn't so visible in your life, you would be able to determine exactly what your feelings are. I would suggest telling Greg that you need a little break so you can figure out your emotions.


Good luck.

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How do i break up with my boyfriend with our hurting him. I like him but not in a boyfriend way. there is no connection anymore. I still want to be his friend. Also he has no clue its coming.well that is what i think
thanks for the help
5's for good advice

There is no easy way to dump someone. I would sit down with him and tell him that although you care for him and enjoy his friendship, you don't feel that romantic spark. Tell him again how much you value his friendship and let him know that no matter what, you still want to be friends.


Good luck.

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Does sex hurt the first time?

It depends on the woman. Some women feel pain and have light bleeding. Others have none. The pain and the blood generally comes from the breaking of your hymen.


If you do decide to have sex, make sure you're completely comfortable with doing it and protect yourself against pregnancy and STDs. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your parents about it, visit your local health department or planned parenthood office. It's completely confidential and they'll help you decide what contraceptive is best for you.

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Alright
my "downthre" is just really raw and red and burns.
what is this?
What can I do to make it go away?

This doesn't sound like a yeast infection, although it might possibly be. I would make an appointment with your doctor or talk to your mom about it. Without having more details and the ability to do tests if necessary, it's difficult to say for sure what it is or how to treat it.

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What are some good colleges in the Chicago area?

It would depend on what you're looking for in a college. Other than location, what is a "must" for you? Do you have an idea of what you wish to major in? Is the cost an issue? Will you need financial aid? Are you looking for a college with certain affiliations? Do you need on campus housing? Do you need a college with specific admissions requirements? Do you want the campus in a certain area of Chicago?


There are several college search sites online you can try. I recommend the one at collegeboard. Fastweb is also good as it offers a financial aid search as well. I'm including links to those below as well as some other college search utilities.
http://apps.collegeboard.com/search/index.jsp
http://www.collegeview.com/collegesearch/index.jsp
http://www.collegesearch.info/
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://www.petersons.com/ugchannel/code/searches/srchCrit1.asp?path=ug.fas.college

You can also check out the Peterson's college guide from your local library or ask the school counselor to see it.


Good luck. I wish you well on your search.

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HOW DO I GET SKINNY??????
im 200 pounds..
please help!
dont say exersize...
please just help
i need to loose 100 pounds fast!
DONT SAY EXERSIZE I CANT DO IT.
PLEASE!!
help!! fast!
i want to be pretty..

First off, you don't have to be skinny to be pretty. There are guys out there that like women with some curves. I have had several guys say they love the fact that I'm not all bony and that I have curves.

Short of surgery, there isn't a safe way to lose 100 pounds fast. Please be careful with your weight loss. Losing weight too fast and in the wrong manner can make you very ill. I would suggest talking to your doctor. They can explain to you what would be a healthy weight for your body and how to achieve it. They can also prescribe medications for weight loss or refer you for surgery if necessary.


Until then, try eating a healthy diet. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Eat negative calorie foods (link to list below). You burn more calories digesting these foods than they have to start with so they're essentially freebies that you can eat as much as you like. Avoid fried foods. Eat foods that are baked, boiled or steamed. Eat your vegetables raw. When cooking, avoid butter. Try switching to olive oil. It's much healthier. Avoid sweets or switch to lower calorie desserts. Try Italian ice. It fulfills your sweet tooth with few calories. Fresh fruit is also a great snack to take care of a sweet tooth. Drink milk. Studies have shown that dieters who drink milk lose more weight.
http://www.negativecaloriefoods.com/


Switch to drinking water. Keep a bottle of water with you at all times to encourage you to drink it. Our bodies need water to function. A healthy body can lose weight easier. Also, most women have a little water retention which can add weight. Drinking lots of water will help flush the excess water from your body. Cut down on salt as well. Salt can make you retain more water.


Don't skip meals, especially breakfast. Our metabolisms do not rev up until you've ate. If you skip breakfast, your metabolism will be lagging until you do eat. Try to eat 5-6 small meals a day instead of 3 big ones. It will help keep you feeling full longer and keep your blood sugar steady, which helps ward off cravings. The meals don't have to be full meals. Even just a bowl of fruit can count as a meal.


Make sure to take a good quality multi-vitamin. When dieting, it's easy to miss out on needed vitamins and minerals. The multi-vitamin will assure that you get what's necessary.


Keep a food journal and write down everything you eat. We often eat more than we realize. Putting it down on paper gives you a better idea of what you're eating so you can look for where to cut down.


Don't weigh yourself daily. You will drive yourself crazy. Our bodies naturally fluctuate within a few pounds. In one day, you can appear to gain or lose a pound. Instead of weighing yourself, judge your weight loss on how your clothes feel. If they're loosening up, you're losing weight. If you must weigh yourself, do it only once a week, preferably on the same day and at the same time each week.


Since you say you can't exercise, there's not a lot I can offer in that area other than to say you should try if at all possible. Have you tried simple walking? Walking is great exercise, is low-impact so it doesn't put a big strain on your body, and requires very little money (just a good pair of shoes). Yoga is another option. It's low impact and will help tone your body and lose weight. Exercise is good if you can do it, especially if it tones muscle. Muscle is a good fat burner so the more muscle, the more fat burning you get.


Good luck.

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A guy that I'm quite good friends with was telling me stories from when he was in highschool. I was curious when all this happened to him so I innocently asked him what year he graduated from grade 12. Well it turned out that it was the same year that I was born!! I started giggling and then told him I was born the year he graduated.
Well this was his reaction: His eyes got huge(like a deer in the headlights) and his face went 50 shades of red. He also couldnt look me in the eye for the rest of the evening.
I felt bad for embarrasing him and never mentioned it again. But I thought it was a strange reaction for just a friend?
Do you think he may be attracted to me? Why else would he get so embarrassed?

It's possible that he was embarassed because he didn't realize you were that young. Do you look older? You don't mention how old you are, but if you're underage, he may feel like he's in an awkward position because of your age. I admit it does sound like a strange reaction for someone who is only a friend. There is a possibility that he's attracted to you. What kind of stories was he telling? Is it possible that he's embarassed because he said something that may not be appropriate (at least in his eyes) for someone your age?

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I consider myself to be an independant woman, but my bf disagrees.
Well I am 27 and have my own appartment that I rent. I don't have any student loan dept, or credit card dept. I pay my bills on time and have been living in the same appartment on my own without any help from family or roomates for the last 4 years.
I have a car that is paid for that I maintain in excellent condition. I just replaced the tires and always make sure it is serviced regularily.

I work part time at a store that is UNION. Before I got that job I had been collecting a small disabllity pension for having a mental illness. Everyone has said how well I have done for myself considering I have this condition. They (my family and friends) are all very happy for me that I got the job.
My bf, however, is being a total jerk. Well before I got the job, even though I was managing to live on my own and be responible on my disability pension would say the meanest things, like that I was living off the system and how broke I was.
Now that I have the job, he is saying things like "so I guess it's working out for you,", in a negative tone.
Well he has no right to do this to me. We arent living together and I NEVER ask him for any money. I could understand him being mad if we were living together and I wasnt working and spent all his money, but I live ON MY OWN and can look after myself. I think considering everything I've been through he should give me a little more credit.
Why do you think he is treating me like this?


Is it possible that your boyfriend resents the fact that you are able to make it on your own? How is his financial situation? Does he work? Does he pay his bills on time or is he struggling financially? Some men are brought up that they should be the breadwinner and take care of everything. Maybe he feels that since you can take care of yourself and don't ask for his help that he's not doing his job.


Is it possible that he feels threatened by your independence? In the back of his mind, he may be thinking since you can take care of yourself, you have no need for him. Some people feel threatened by those who are more financially independent.


Does he normally show this lack of respect in other aspects of your life or is it just your financial situation? If this attitude spills over into the rest of your life, I would be concerned. The fact that he has the need to put your accomplishments down worries me.


I would sit down and talk to him calmly about this issue. Let him know how his remarks make you feel. Ask him why he makes the remarks. If he continues to make the remarks, I would consider moving on. There are guys out there who will give you the respect you deserve and won't feel threatened by the fact that you can take care of yourself.


You have every right to be proud of what you've accomplished. In this day and age, there are a lot of people that struggle financially, even those without illness to contend with.


Good luck. I hope this works out for you.

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I am very interested in history, and would like to have a career that has to do with history. I'm not sure what careers would have to do with history though, other than a history teacher. If anybody knows any other history-oriented jobs could you please name them and describe them a bit?

Archeologists recover and examine items remaining from past cultures in order to better understand their history, customs, and living habits. There are subcategories of archeology with different specialities such as linguistic (language) or biophysical (human body) archeologist.

Anthropologist study the development and behavior of humans.

Historians research and interpret the past.

Biographers research information on a specific person and write about them.

Archivists maintain information (usually old documents) stored for safekeeping. This may include historical documents.

Museum curators oversee museums, including obtaining items for exhibition. They are usually responsible for verifying the authenticity of an item. They also oversee and help conduct the research projects of the museum as well as the educational programs.

You could also work as a tour guide at historic sites and parks.

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can anyone buy hydroxycut? if you have any stories to share about people you know who used it please share. i am a 17/f who is 200 lbs. i reeeally want to try this.

For most diet products, you have to be 18 to purchase them. I would think carefully before trying them though. Diet pills can be very rough on your body. I would talk to your doctor first. They can recommend what would be best for you and possibly prescribe medications that are better suited.

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Is it true that if you buy clothes from the internet its cheaper(Hollister, American EAgle, Abercrombie, Papaya, Pac Sun)?And what are the return policies usually?thanks&hearts

Sometimes it does come out cheaper. A lot of online stores run sales specifically for their online customers. Just remember that you usually have to pay shipping and handling, which may increase the price.

Most online stores have the same return policy as regular ones. The one difference is that with online shopping, you usually have the option of either shipping it back or simply returning it to a store close to you. Just look for the help or FAQ link on the site and you can usually find the return policy.

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I'm bi and I decided to tell my mom but now I really regret it because I think she thinks I am weird now. She acts really different around me. What should I do?

She's probably just unsure of how to act. Even adults get moments where they're unsure of theirselves. I would sit down with your mom and tell her that your sexuality doesn't change who you are. Tell her how much you value the relationship you have with her and that you don't want it to change. She'll respect your maturity at facing the issue and discussing it rathan avoiding it. Otherwise, just act normal (and I don't mean straight, I just mean like you normally would). I'm sure once she gets over her surprise and realizes that you're still the same person, things will be okay.

Good luck.

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I got some hatemail in my inbox today. What would you say to the jerk who sent it if it was sent to you? The jerk said I was gay and ugly. Can you help me?

First, I wouldn't respond to it. The person is just trying to get a reaction out of you. By ignoring them, you're taking away their fun.


If it was here on Advicenators, file an abuse report. Just fill out the form and one of the moderators will take care of it.
http://www.advicenators.com/abuse.php


If it's on another email site, I would suggest filing an abuse report with the provider. Providers take abuse reports and hatemail very seriously.

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How do you tell your parents that you are bisexual? Please help me!!!

I would tell your parents that you need to sit down with them to talk about something serious. Then, I would calmly tell them. Be prepared. They may ask questions or have a reaction different from what you're expecting. For support for both you and your family, I would suggest visiting the PFLAG website. There is a special section on coming out.
http://www.pflag.org/

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How messy and expensive can it get to have a divorce? I'm seriously thinking of divorcing my wife. We've been together for about 12 years. We have no kids together but we are both co-owners of a house that the mortgage isnt paid off yet and we own one vehicle. We both work together as well.
I don't really want to get into all the gory details but I will say that the passion is gone and that she is a grandma, she has two grown kids with kids of her own. Her kids don't respect me and steal from me which is part of the problem.
Will I have to pay her child support even if the kids arent mine? Also would I have to pay her alimony?
Does any one know, or have been through a similiar situation?

Since the kids are grown and not yours, I doubt you'll have to pay child support. Alimony varies by situation and by the laws of your state. I would suggest talking to an attorney to find out what the laws are in your state. Many attorneys offer a free initial consultation. I'm including a couple links for you as well. They offers general divorce information as well as state-specific information.
http://www.divorcenet.com/
http://www.divorcesupport.com/

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what does it mean if u dont have a period for more that a month or 2? u think its serius?

There are several things that may cause your period not to coome regular. Hormonal imbalances can cause irregular periods. Have you started a new diet or exercise program? Are you under a lot of stress? If you're sexually active, there's a chance that you may be pregnant.


I would make an appointment with your ob/gyn for a full checkup. They're more experienced in female problems and can determine exactly what is going on and how to treat it.

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I am a 27 year female and I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with me. Well for one thing I"ve only been with one guy my whole life. I dated him for a year when I was 21 and it was a horrible experience. He just used me and treated me like a sex object. I never dated all through highschool, guys just were not interested in me. SO when I met my ex even though he was a loser, I went for him because he showed me attention. Well that was 6 years ago since I've been with him. I havent been with any other guys since. I've had lots of guys ask me out but I turn them all down. I get really lonely sometimes, and it seems like all my friends are getting married and I feel left out. I'm not a lesbian, and I do like guys, so what the hell is wrong with me?

Sometimes when we've been through some bad relationships, it takes us a while to learn to trust again.


Why are you turning down these guys that ask you out? Do you they not interest you or are you scared of getting hurt again? Is there something about them that leads you to think they'll hurt you?


When one comes along that interests you, take a chance and say yes. It's just a date, not a relationship. Take things slow and see how the guy really is before taking the step to move into a relationship. If that one isn't the right one for you, don't give up hope. Be patient and try again. There are lots of great guys out there. Your Mr. Right just hasn't came along yet.

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