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Exboyfriend, Marriage, etc
This may be long. Well, I've known Greg since 7th grade. We dated all through highschool. He's a fun-loving guy and doesn't always take things seriously. So during the first semester of college, we broke up. I couldn't handle the way he didn't value academics. The next year I met Aaron, who's a few years older than me & already graduated college and earning a good salary. The whole time I was dating him, Greg and I were still good friends...and still in love. Now Aaron has asked me to marry him. (The wedding would be this summer some time, after I graduate.) I like Aaron a lot and he really cares for me. He could provide a good life for me and I think he'd be a good husband. Using that logic, I told him yes. But lately all I can think about is Greg. I love Aaron but I almost feel like I'm more in love with Greg. Greg still has feelings for me, too. The thing is, Greg still hasn't improved. He isn't very serious about things and I don't think he can handle responsibilty. I couldn't marry him. But can I marry Aaron, knowing my heart isn't fully his? So should I wait to get married or what? I really don't know what to do and I just want some opinions. Please reply; I really need advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
At the very least, you need to put the wedding on hold & figure out your feelings. You need to be honest with Aaron & let him know that you do have feelings for him, but you're confused about the situation with Greg. You need to talk with both of them & figure out what you want. It seems like you want to marry Aaron because of what he can provide, but you're in love with Greg. All I can say is that you need to follow your heart. If you're not 100% sure that you want to marry Aaron, he *needs* to know that. If it's a case of nerves that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
You need to decide if a future with Greg is possible. You don't have to think about forever just yet, but you may learn to live with his immaturity, or he may grow up eventually.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you love Aaron. It sounds like you appreciate him, & enjoy having him in your life, & he'll be a good provider, but marrying him when your heart is elsewhere isn't fair to either of you. You may grow to resent him in time.
What you need to decide is if you want to marry for love, or if you want to marry for stability.
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I would wait. Just tell Aaron that you love him, but you want to wait for now. It wouldn't be fair to marry him until you're sure of your feelings. I think if you marry him at this point, you'll always live with the thoughts of what if.
I noticed that you said you like Aaron a lot, he cares for you, he could provide a good life for you and probably be a good husband. Using that logic, you said yes. Nowhere in considering the proposal did you mention you loved him. Are you sure that you love him or are you just in love with the fact that he's more responsible? It sounds to me like a lot of Aaron's attraction is that he's more stable and responsible than Greg.
Have you tried decreasing your contact with Greg? Perhaps if he wasn't so visible in your life, you would be able to determine exactly what your feelings are. I would suggest telling Greg that you need a little break so you can figure out your emotions.
Good luck.
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I think you will only figure it out if you totally put Greg out of the picture for a while. See if you can live without the guy.
You already know you have no real future with him. He is to put it bluntly a waste of your time. On the other hand, if you were crazy in love with Aaron it probably wouldn't be a problem anyway.
If there is a problem with your relationship, you have to fix the problem. In this case Greg is the problem. I think if you can't do that, then you don't get married. It will cause problems and that is no way to start a lifetime commitment.
Good luck whichever way you go. :)
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