advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: ok well my friend max is an athiest. he doesnt belive in any kind of god. hes like a science nerd so that probably has something to do with it. well i really want him to belive in God but i dont know how i can talk to him about it. we arent close enough to talk about that stuff. what should i do?
While I respect your desire to turn him to what you believe is "right", you need to know where your boundaries are. If he approaches you & asks you to introduce him to your religion, that's fine, but don't go stuffing your religion down his throat. It's not your place to do so. Imagine how you'd feel if someone tried stuffing a book about satan down your throat. I bet you wouldn't like it. The same thing goes for your friend- if you try overstepping your boundaries & forcing your religion on him, he's going to resent you. Converting him to your religion isn't the right thing to do, but respecting his beliefs is.

Q: which is a more trusted brand:
trojan or lifestyles?
Lifestyles. Trojans have a reputation for being too small/tight (I think it's a marketing thing, to feed the guy's ego. Oh, my giant penis is too small for the average Trojan...) and also for breaking often. They're more well-known, but they're not as good.

Q: Well i dated a girl about a few years back. we went out for about a year; things happens blah blah blah. well anyways i still like her and i feel the same way. i've always wanted her to be my first but i dont know if that'd...happen.

This other girl, whose really into me. Seems to want the same relationship we have..and inside i feel that i cant replace what we had. But she wants to have sex with me, and i sware i am soo tempted but both the abstinence thing and the girl is stopping me. i dont want to regret anything, all i know for sure is that i want the first girl to be the girl i marry =\

really dramatic but if you can help thanks a million
You'll never regret waiting (I'm not talking about waiting for marraige, just waiting in general & not rushing into sex), but there's a huge chance that you'll regret having sex with the second girl. It sounds like the first girl has your heart, & you should always trust your heart over your body. It may be tempting to have sex with the second girl, but all you need is a little self control & you'll be fine. You can't force a connection with someone. If it's not there with the second girl, don't do anything you'll regret.

Q: 14/f

ill just flat out say it. i cheated on my boyfriend. but here's the situation:

my boyfriend of 3 months and i are not allowed to see eachother at the moment. lets call him ian. he is 17 and i am 14. my mother doesnt approve, so we cant see eachother. before this mess started happening, we were having sex. dont prejudge us. back then we were both completely in love with eachother. now all we do is argue yet we're still together.

well i am in high school and he graduated last year. i met this one guy who i really liked. lets call him mike. mike and i kinda got caught up in the moment last night and had sex together.

right now i feel so bad about cheating on ian cuz i know he'll never forgive me. and i truely do love him. when we're together, its the best feeling in the world.

but my problem is, what should i do? i dont want to break up with ian and i dont want to tell him but i feel so bad. please dont call me a slut or a whore. please give me actual advice, i need it.
You NEED to tell him. Do you want your relationship with Ian to be based on a lie from this point on? Relationships cannot function properly without trust, honesty, & respect. You took advantage of his trust & disrespected him by cheating on him. If there's going to be any chance of salvaging your relationship, you need to step up & act like an adult & tell him what happened. It's not fair to hide it from him.

Q: ahhh! ok i am such a bad person!
i've been in love with the same guy for 2 years, and all along ive been trying to hack his email account to see if he has any emails from his gf's or about me or whatever! (i know! wrong wrong wronggg!) but here's the thing, his secret question was "favorite historical person" and ive been trying to guess it or years, guessing eveything from spongebob square pants to eleanor roosevelt, and then while doing my daily "try-to-hack-him" thing, i decided to google "favorite historcal person" and the first thing that came up was "Jesus" and im a christian (who sins a lot, even though i try not to..) but he's not, so i was like "pssh he doesnt have that as an answer, and if he does I WILL NOT HACK HIM" and guess what? i tried it - and it worked! and i wont to go in and read his emails so bad! but i did say i wouldnt do it if his answer was Jesus! I don't know WHY i did it, but i guess i feel it would be wrong doing something WROOONG using Christ's name.. so help me! i will not let go of it and just forget it! i will think about it every day, every imnute until i do it! ive considered sending him a anonymous email saying "change your secret question" so if im tempted i still cant do it.. but i want to! so badly! HELP PLEASE! maybe if you could help me find bible verses that can help in situations like these when you'r etempted to do smething bad? and just incase.. (incase i do it, like soon as ive asked the question) could you help me with ohw to ask for forgiveness and maybe make sure it doesn't happen again?
help me please!! thank you!
You need to tell him. If you loved him, you'd trust him and not feel the need to hack him. Relationships cannot succeed without honesty, trust, and effective communication. By hacking him and then keeping it a secret, you have destroyed all three elements and are on a path to destroy your relationship. If you love him, respect him enough to be honest.

Q: hey,
My name is justin. i am going to have sex with my girl for the first time.i was just woundering about if i need to shave or trim the area below because i hadn't ever do that and im am kinda hairry in that area.
so wat girl prefer to keep it ,trim or shave it?
and iam asking girl.Please give me your opinion honestly because i am kinda enbarassed to ask my girl that question.
Another question : iam goin to buy condom, and my deck is like 14 cm long, so wat condom size should i buy?
tanx for ur patient and answering my question soon.
The shaving/trimming preference varies with each girl. I personally like it at least trimmed, & shaved is great but not necessary.

As for the condoms, a regular size should be fine. Trojans are the most advertised, but are also really likely to break. Try something like Lifestyles or Durex.

Also, it would be a good idea to pick up some lube to make it less painful for the girl. Don't get anything that will destroy the condom, like Vaseline. Try something like Astroglide.

Q: ___ in every ___ girls that has sex will get pregnant.

can someone fill in the blanks for me??
im talkin DEFINITELY usin a condom & maybe on the pill as well [although i wouldnt be on it for that reason]. but still protected in some way nonetheless.

im 15 and a virgin no im not plannin on havin sex soon im jus wonderin for future reference! thx
The pill is 99% effective WHEN USED CORRECTLY & condoms are about 98% effective, but again, only when used correctly. Therefore, 1 in 100 girls using protection will get pregnant. I don't know the statistics for girls not using birth control.

Q: I am very sad!!

Last night my bf asked me if I think that I was ready for marriage ..I was surprise and happy of course .He just pop up with the question if I love him and if I want to marry him one day .
I said yes ...I was really happy.
After that we kept on talking about marriage and stuff than I told him that If I ought to marry him I want to keep my own lastname ....He got really mad and told me that he doesn't like my desicion.

The real reason why I wouldn't like his lastname is that his parents has the same last name and they really hate me and do really bad and nasty stuff to me .THEY HURT ME A LOT,
It's really hard for me to go around with the lastname of my biggest enemies
I love my bf ..we had been A LOT to be togheter ..his parents did the imposible things to seperate us ..They are really jealous about their son.
The second reason is that my dad has more than 5 childrens and he only gave me his lastname ..I'm proud to have this lastname and I really don't want to change it..

Can anyone understand me ?????
I don't want to hurt him but how to explain to him this strange feeling ?
I'm really sad ..
Explain the situation to him. Focus on the part about your dad, not your hatred for his parents. Just explain to him that your dad giving you his name meant a lot to you and although you love him, you don't want to give up that special gift. It doesn't mean you love him any less or anything of the sort.

Q: Last night I cheated on my boyfriend.
I kissed another guy.
I feel really bad about it.
How can I clear my consience without telling him?
I really don't want to tell him.
What should I do?
It's really not fair of you to not tell him. He deserves to know. How would you feel if he cheated on you and then didn't tell you? Relationships can't succeed without honesty. If you truly love, respect, and care for your boyfriend, you'll do the right thing and be honest with him.

Q: Just out of pure curiosity, if a girl is dating a guy and say she's 16 and he's 17. When the guy turns 18, legally do they have to break up?

Thanks, Female, 14.
As far as I know, there are no laws regarding dating. The age of consent only applies to sexual contact, so if they're not sexually active, they don't need to worry.

Q: ohkay, everyone is telling me that the world is going to end in 4 days (6-6-06) (the devil's number.) I AM REALLY SCARED OVER THIS. I CAN BARLEY SLEEP. im like pettrified. is what they're telling me true or is a myth? and do you believe it? and should i be scared?

thanks guys.
Never trust religion. I'm not one to disrespect people's religious beliefs, but when it comes to stuff like this, you have nothing to worry about.

Q: does anyone have a foundation/concealer they would recommend? i need to get a good foundation because the ones i use dont work good and is just.. not good.. and also what are some good mascaras that make eyelashes look longer and thicker? if you can answer one of them ill giveyou a 5! thanks!
For the foundation- Neutrogena Visibly Even is by far the best stuff I've ever used.

Q: i'm a 10th grader who's never had a gf before (pretty pathetic, but whatever). im really bad with asking girls out and whatnot. anyhoo, im really really good friends with this girl, shes a year younger than me, and we both tell each other everything. ive liked her for a little while, maybe a few weeks, but she tells me that she likes a senior in our school. now idk if she actually does like him, or if she's just saying that to cover up that she likes me, but we always hang out, we've never gotten mad at each other, we know everything about neach other, and we never get tired of hanging out (we've actually pissed her friends off once or twice cuz we hang out so much). anyway, what do i do? thanks
First of all, please ignore the moron that is someone_2_help_u779.

Secondly, not having a girlfriend yet doesn't make you pathetic. I didn't get a boyfriend until sophomore year (I'm now a junior) & I honestly think it's better that I didn't waste my time with pathetic middle school relationships. My situation was actually pretty similar to yours- I was best friends with this guy a grade above me, we hung out all the time, I could tell him anything & everything. Since I never thought it was possible that he could like me back, I never said anything & we'd often discuss the people that we were interested in- we both liked other people but secretly wanted each other. My situation turned out fabulous once he asked me out.

The point of telling you all that was to give you some hope, but there's also a chance that she only sees you as friends. If you feel that you could continue to be her friend if you confessed your feelings & she didn't feel the same way, then I say go for it & tell her how you feel. Things will be a bit awkward if she doesn't feel the same way, but you can still be friends as long as you don't feel so embarassed that you push her away.

This could go either way. You could find yourself in a fabulous relationship or be rejected, but it's better to act & risk getting hurt than wonder "what if?" forever. If you do decide to talk to her, I'd love to hear how it went just because I'm nosy, so if you'd like to talk about it my AIM is Kaaailey & my email is

Good luck!

Q: I'm 16/f and my bf is 17/m. Sometimes he acts soooo immature and after a while it gets annoying.

The other day I was at his house and he was acting like a little kid making random noises, talking about burping, jumping around like his house was a trampoline, and making stupid comments about everything.

So I said, "Stop acting like a five year old and grow up. I swear you act like my little brother"

I guess that kind of upset him because he didn't really talk to me after that. And today, he had an away message up that said "'acting like a 5-year-old' with Mike hit the cell"

I don't know if I should apologize or what because I know I might have hurt his feelings but I feel like he needs to know that he can't act like that all the time. What should I do?
Yes, apologize to him. How would you have felt if the situation was reversed & he had said that to you? If you're frustrated with how he acts, talk to him about it like adults. Don't say "it's annoying when you act like that, you need to stop", but something like "I feel ___ when you act like that". Just remember that he is how he is, & you can't change him.

Q: There is a guy I really like (who also has the slight potential of liking me back). He's very funny and actually very polite and nice. However, he doesn't seem to be a very devout Christian, because he cusses. Even though I cuss sometimes, I feel like he may have a bad influence on me in that way, and I know from Bible study that I'm supposed to surround myself with people who share my beliefs and are going to be a good influence. But there seems to be something wrong with that, because if I cuss now and then, I may be a kind of bad influence on others too, and they wouldn't want to be around ME either. I guess what I'm trying to ask is...would it be okay to continue to flirt with this guy and (if it works out right) date him? Sorry, this was kind of long and confusing... btw, I'm almost 16, if that helps any.
Honestly? Don't even bother spending your time flirting & getting to know him if you're going to keep yourself from getting close to him because he's not a "devout Christian". I don't mean to bash your religion, but that's just ridiculous. Either like him 100% as a person, or don't. Don't waste his time with that "well, we can talk, but we can't be close" crap.

Q: okay, so i have known this girl for a long time, and i think she is the most beautiful girl on the planet, and i absolutely love her, but last year, i asked her out, and she said no and completely shunned me and the whole school makes fun of me now. i love her, and i would really like her to know that, and i want her to be my friend at least again, but she won't even talk to me since then. i even had to spend 2 hours with her during this group activity the other day at school, and she didn't say A WORD!!! not a single thing (to me, anyway). so does anyone have any thing that could get her to like me again? a certain charm, something to say, a style change, anything? it would really help...

( i rate high for good answers!!!!)
Changing yourself to please someone is just setting yourself up for failure. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then that's that. If you change & she likes you then, she only likes you for what you APPEAR to be & not who you truly are, & who wants that?

Q: I am 19 and my girlfriend is in her mid-twenties with a 4-year degree and a new degree she's workign on. I am in community college with no job or direction. She has been with me for seven months, but now she has decided that she has to "give it a chance" with the guy she saw (not seriously) before me because he's more marriage material. Now she's spending all spring break with him and I am supposed to wait here as her plan B. What do I do?
Never settle for second best. It shouldn't be a matter of who is more "marriage material", but who she feels more of a connection with. If she's willing to drop you & expect you to stick around, she's not worth your time. Find someone who will love & appreciate you as much as you do her.

Q: hi,i'm Aaryn.i'm 13 and need your help girl.i like a guy and want to know how do u know when a guy likes u? he tells me he loves me everyday and he plays with people too much.he admits he messes with other girls also, but he dosen't treat them like as sweet as he treats me. i just want to know how u know when a guy likes u? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fact that he's the same way with other girls is a huuuge warning sign. I'll give him credit for admitting it, but don't let him fool you into thinking that he treats you better/is more interested in you than the others. It sounds like he likes you, but he's not relationship material. Pursuing anything with him will definitely end in heartbreak, so don't waste your time. Find a guy who will treat you right & focus on you as opposed to a group of girls.

Q: Ok. I'm a Christian, but I do not know the Bible cover to cover like some people do. I have 3 friends, who I love dearly, but they are just totally lost and I really want to save them but I have no clue as of how to do that. Like.. Ok.. here's their stories.

Billy 16-years-old: He's a terrible alcoholic who parties all the time and sometimes gets high but he is surely damned to hell because he has committed sexual immortality several times. He is one of those people who doesnt care about the Bible or God and makes jokes about religion at times. So I do not know how to talk to the guy.

Jessica 15-years-old: She's like my best friend but she's like never been to church. I've invited her before several times, but she always comes up with a reason not to go. And here lately we've lost friendship & she has lost herself to starting to drink because of peer pressure and she's became sexually active, so to say. And she's similiar to Billy, doesnt care.

Brittany 15-years-old: She's bisexual and she parties like every weekend and gets soo drunk & she cusses all the time but everytime I mention church or something of the sort, she cracks a joke & says something like, "Gosh you're such a goodie-goodie". And even though she's never had sex, she's did other stuff with girls and guys, so. I really want to help her & even though she goes to church often, she doesnt act Christian-like at all.

I really care for these people because they are like 3 of my best friends, but I have no clue has to how to help them. They are sooo young and if they were to die tomorrow or even today, they would go straight to hell & I really want to share my eternity with them in Heaven. So anyone with any advice, please help.
Your intentions are admirable, but it's best to leave them be. I'm an Atheist & I find that there is NOTHING more annoying than religious people who try to "save" me. Religion is absolutely fine, & if you're interested in living a Christian lifestyle, that's great for you, but don't try to shove it down my throat. If I was afraid of going to hell & wanted to be saved, I'd ask for help. Trying to save them is just going to come off as you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Let people live their lives the way they want to live it. You wouldn't like it if they tried to "drag you down" with them, would you? I sincerely doubt that, so reverse the situation & apply it there-- you wouldn't want them to influence you, so don't try to influence them.

Q: I just want some opinions on this:

Do you think it's wrong to let your boyfriend go to a strip club?

I personally think it is wrong, but then I see some girlfriends even go with their boyfriends to stripclubs!! I just don't get it. How could you let your boyfriend get turned on by another woman? ..or let alone get a sexy lap dance by another woman? I personally think that can even lead to the thought of cheating.

What do you guys think? I am 18 and my boyfriend is 17 and he will be 18 next month. I don't know whether to never let him go to a strip club(since that is a common thing for men to try out at least once in their lives) or to let him try it out. I am really uncomfortable with that idea.
The only thing that I think is wrong is that you consider "letting" your boyfriend go places. He is neither your pet nor your child; where he goes and what he does is at his discretion, not yours. Granted, you're allowed to have your opinion on the matter, but to put yourself in a position of "letting" him do things is absolutely ridiculous.

That said, I would have no problem with my boyfriend going to a strip club as long as it wasn't something he did constantly. If it's a special occassion, why not? I would ask him not to get a lap dance, but I don't think there's anything wrong with looking sometimes. It's human nature. It's not like he's cheating on me. Like it or not, people in relationships, especially teens, do occassionally get turned on by other people. As long as they're not acting on these impulses, you can't blame him for being curious.

My name is Kailey. I'm 17 years old & a senior at a high school in Massachusetts. I'm told that I'm mature for my age, but I'll let you be the judge of that. I love giving advice, but I'll tell you the way I see it, so you may not always like my answers. I especially like giving relationship advice. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I feel as though I can give good advice on the subject.






Member Since:
November 27, 2005


Last Update:
December 1, 2006


Main Categories:

layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker