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Q: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 months, we're both 16 years old, we care for each other very much, and know each other like the back of our own hands. However, I am having a very hard time finding a christmas present for him. I want to get him something meaningful, but I just don't know what to get! Does anyone have any ideas?

thank you so much if you can help!
-Janine
Get him something that corresponds to his interests-- video games, sports teams, music, etc. In addition to that, make him something from the heart-- a mix cd, a scrapbook, framed picture of the two of you, home made card, etc.

Q: Okay. Long story short. I have religious Mormon friend. Religious as in very, very religious. Anyhow, we got into a discussion tonight at "impure thoughts" He seems to think it's a "selfish want" to think impurely about others. I said that it's impossible to be rid of them, that by repressing it them you are not getting rid of them, just concealing them and they will just build up. I said that what you need to do is deal with them and get them out of your system.

Now I feel really bad about the things I said. I guess it's because I should respect the fact he's pure rather than encourage him not to be. lol. I feel bad for him as I feel he is a little misguided and placing unnecessary restraints on himself. Does anyone agree with me on what I said to him? Is it impossible to debate with religious people? At the time I seemed to make a lot of sense. But now I'm thinking and maybe he is right. Should we avoid discussions like this in the future? Does someone with some experience with religion have an religious answer to this?

Thanks.


You didn't say anything wrong in my opinion. Just because (I'm assuming here from what you said) you're not a devoutly religious person doesn't mean that you should keep your thoughts to yourself to avoid stepping on other people's toes.

You weren't encouraging him to be impure, you were just expressing your beliefs-- & since you weren't being disrespectful, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you feel that further discussions may jeopardize your friendship, then perhaps you should refrain from them in the future. But as long as you can both remain open-minded, discussions like these can be educational for both of you. You can learn to better understand the restraints he's under & respect them regardless of whether or not he agrees with them, & he can learn that he's entitled to feel as he wish, but he shouldn't judge anyone if they have "impure thoughts".

Q: I was looking through a few questions on religion (Not a darn clue why, I just was) and I was reading a question about a girl who wanted to become Buddist.

An answer she recieved made me a little upset. This person that answered kept saying how she was choosing the wrong religion and that being Buddist is wrong.

I've noticed things like this before, strong Christians (yes, it is mostly Christians) criticizing other religions. They will rant on and on about how it's the wrong religion.

What is so wrong with believing in Buddah? Why do you have to criticize people who do not believe in God? We have the right to choose our religion and the right to choose no religion at all.

Why do you believe that your religion is the only "right" religion? This has been bothering me for a while.

I really don't want any Christians on this site to feel that I am directing this ONLY at you. But what I've seen on this site about 90% of the people criticizing people for their religion are strong Christians. So, I'm just basing my question on the majority.

I'm sorry if this question has offended anyone.
It's unfair of you to say that it's mostly Christians. Perhaps in your experiences it's mostly Christians, but people can be close-minded regardless of their religion.

As for the rest, I don't understand why people do that. I don't like the concept of religion overall because it teaches people to be close-minded, but perhaps my Atheist beliefs have led me to feel that way. It's confusing for religious people, because in church & in anything associated with church, it's shoved down their throats that they're right & everyone is wrong. I imagine that it would be hard to hear that from your beliefs & then still remain open-minded.

I went off a bit there, but I think the problem isn't people, but religion in itself. If more religions educated people in religion while also informing them that there is nothing wrong with opposing beliefs, the world would be a better place. But that would make the foundation of that religion seem rocky, so really, there's no way to win here.

Q: Is masturbation biblically wrong? What's your view on it?
I believe it's considered wrong in the Christian religion. I've heard that there's something in the Bible about "not spilling your seed" but that's just hearsay so I can't say for certain.

I personally see nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your body & it's better to masturbate than to have sex every time you feel a sexual urge.

Q: Hi, I'm Caitlin and I'm completely in love with this guy name Gary. Throughout my entire life I've never been lucky with things like love and all that...mostly love. I've never had a boyfriend, I've never kissed and I've never really had any feeling for anyone before. I have no idea how to tell him I like him. I reallt want to! I feel as if i'm ready, but he's such a hard person to read and I don't know if he likes me back. We've been hanging out for about a month and I know that's it's no simple crush. I'm seirously in love with this guy. Now I know i'm not the best looking person in the world, but I know i'm not ugly either. I also know that what I look like wouldn't mean all that much to him.
So bascially my questions is; How do I tell him I like him without scaring im off?
Don't just proclaim your undying love for him one day. If he doesn't return the feelings, you'll definitely scare him off.

You can try hinting, but I've heard from tons of guys that they just don't get hints & you should be upfront about it. Let him know that you have feelings for him & ask him if he'd be interested in taking the friendship to the next step, but make sure that you don't trap him into anything & if he doesn't seem interested, let him know that you don't want things to be awkward between you too & that you still want to be friends.

Q: I consider myself to be an independant woman, but my bf disagrees.
Well I am 27 and have my own appartment that I rent. I don't have any student loan dept, or credit card dept. I pay my bills on time and have been living in the same appartment on my own without any help from family or roomates for the last 4 years.
I have a car that is paid for that I maintain in excellent condition. I just replaced the tires and always make sure it is serviced regularily.

I work part time at a store that is UNION. Before I got that job I had been collecting a small disabllity pension for having a mental illness. Everyone has said how well I have done for myself considering I have this condition. They (my family and friends) are all very happy for me that I got the job.
My bf, however, is being a total jerk. Well before I got the job, even though I was managing to live on my own and be responible on my disability pension would say the meanest things, like that I was living off the system and how broke I was.
Now that I have the job, he is saying things like "so I guess it's working out for you,", in a negative tone.
Well he has no right to do this to me. We arent living together and I NEVER ask him for any money. I could understand him being mad if we were living together and I wasnt working and spent all his money, but I live ON MY OWN and can look after myself. I think considering everything I've been through he should give me a little more credit.
Why do you think he is treating me like this?


He could be jealous or even intimidated by your independence. If you haven't been together long, ditch the guy. If this is a long term thing, have a heart-to-heart with him & figure out what's going on.

Q: hello.there is this guy i like and i think he likes me too cause i can see the way he looks at me. should i get his number and initiate some conversation with him?
Inititate the conversation first. It would probably be awkard if a random person asked for his number, but if you get a little closer beforehand, everything will run more smoothly.

Q: Hey Advicenators! (;

I usually hate giving advice to questions like these, but I really need to know if what I'm doing is right. Basically, I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for a month and a couple days. I really really like him a lot. He's been my best friend since I've moved here to Texas, and we just thought we should start being boyfriend / girlfriend. His name is Kevin.

Back in Pennsylvania, I had this best friend called Charles. We had been best friends since 2nd grade. But, we became REALLY close before I left PA because we knew that it'd be super heartbreaking for the both of us, since we wouldn't be together anymore.

I was completely sad because I knew that Charles didn't believe in long distance relationships. I knew I'd have to wait for him.

But then he found a girlfriend like a month after I left. I don't know her but I know that he has a girl. I was so pissed off about this because I thought he was "in love" with me. But obviously not. Then I met Kevin, like 2 months after I moved here.

Somehow he found out that I'm making Kevin a gift for Xmas, "100 reasons why I like you.." lol i'm pretty sure everyone knows about that. Then tonight, Charles IMed me and said, "Tell me 100 reasons why you love me.." & I'm like I'm not going to do that because it's unfair to Kevin, even if he never finds out about this conversation, I still think it's unfair to talk about US behind his back. He shouldn't even feel that way anyways because he has a girlfriend, right? Now he said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And he's never said that to me before.

I'm not going to be upset about this, because it isn't my fault, right? I just need other peoples' perspectives on this.

Thanks for any help.
NaImEE ♥
You did the right thing & no, it's not your fault. It sounds like he's jealous of what you have with Kevin. What he had with the girl after you left was probably to console himself, but he shouldn't have given off the impression that he had moved on if he hadn't. It's not your fault that you've moved on & found another great guy. It's great that you didn't try to resurrect your old feelings for Charles even if it would have been between the two of you.

The next time you talk to Charles, let him know that it's not that you don't care about him anymore, & you still want to have a relationship-- but this time, just friends & not the way you used to. Your situation (moving) was out of your hands, & he should be happy for you that you were able to find someone who makes you happy.

Q: me and my boyfriend were going out for about 14 months...everything was really great at first but then just a little while ago it started to go down hill, we started fighting a lot and everything. well i went to my friends yesterday and i met this kid Brandon, he was really nice and good looking. we flirted a little. But then today i went down to my friends house and he was there and me and him started talking and we connected really good, we made each other laugh we were kind all over each other but not alot. but me and him barly talked to anyone else that was there. It hard to explain we just hit it off really good...but anyway i was going to go home and he was going to walk me home but we got by my house and i asked him if he wanted to take a walk so we did and we ended up in the woods. so we sat and we talked and then we started kissing, and kissing lend into fingering then we had sex... i feel real bad tho and i know i have to tell my boyfriend but i'm not sure how to, i mean i don't want him to break up with me but i believe he will because i cheated on him, how is he supose to trust me....i need advice bad...
I also feel like a slut to and i feel really bad, like i let my self down and i did something that i know was wrong..like i just slept with a guy i just met..am i going to feel like this forever? how do i make it stop?...
Thanks in advance...
sorry its long to!
You may always regret it, but think of it as a learning experience. You'll remember how awful you felt afterwards & never do the same thing again. But you're not a slut. You just had a momentary lapse in judgement.

It's great that you want to be honest with your boyfriend & that you feel bad about it. It shows that despite the problems in your relationship, you still care for him. Your honesty may save your relationship.

Tell him in person, & let him know that you regret it. Tell him that it wasn't something you did to purposely hurt him, & that you want to remain a couple & work through things together. But also tell him that you'll understand if he needs space & time & that you know you'll need to earn his trust back & that it won't be easy, but you're willing to work at saving your relationship if he'll have you.

Q: i have no clue what so ever what i am going to get my boyfriend for christmas..does anyone have any ideas..we have only been going out for like a little while..hes 14 and im 14 so i kinda need a inexpensive gift becuase i dont really have that much money..

thanks for the help
If he likes a certain sports team, get him something related to that.

If he's into video games, something related to that- perhaps a game, but I'm not sure how expensive those run.

Make him a mix cd & buy him cologne

Take him out to eat & then to a movie

Cook him dinner & stay in for a movie

Take him bowling or ice skating & get him something simple like a mix cd or his favorite candy or bake him his favorite dessert

Q: How do i break up with my boyfriend with our hurting him. I like him but not in a boyfriend way. there is no connection anymore. I still want to be his friend. Also he has no clue its coming.well that is what i think
thanks for the help
5's for good advice
It's possible that he does have an idea that your relationship is deteriorating. If you can sense it, chances are he can as well. Of course, he could also be completely oblivious.

If he feels the same way, then this will be easy, but if he's still in love with you then there's no way to get out of the relationship without hurting him. Tell him as soon as possible; it's better to break his heart with honesty rather than continue a relationship that you're no longer interested in. Be honest with him-- tell him that you don't feel a romantic connection any longer, but you really do want to remain friends. Make it clear that you'll understand if he'll need some space before becoming friends, & that you're willing to wait for whenever that is because he is important in your life even though you no longer have romantic feelings for him.

Q: Well this guy, he asked me out and then we dated, for a week and a half, until i kind of thought he was getting closer to my friend, Emma, and he also kind of avoided me. I talked to him on msn and asked him if he liked her, but he didnt say anything and then i go "Look i dont care about anything, all i want to know is do you still love me?" and he goes "Look there is no point, you have lost my trust what more can you lose?"(i have no idea wat he means) and i go "I just want to know Do you like Emma?" and he said "Im sorry i cannot go out with you anymore." and he dumped me. Then next week, he blocked me and deleted me on msn..oh and he looks at me alot in class. We were playing volleyball in sport, and he would look at me alot and yeah. My other friend is in his roll call class and she said he looked upset in roll call class after he dumped me..Please help!! and also he is a goth
If you have no idea what he means by the trust thing, he's obviously heard some rumor/seen something/heard something & misinterpreted it. The only way to find out what's going on is to talk to him. Even if you don't get back together, it's best to clear the air.

The fact that he's gothic is completely irrelevant.

Q: Ok, i work at this supermarket im 17 female and there is this guy who works me, i catch him looking at me sometimes and he talks to me sometimes too, but he talks to almost all of the girls. He does weird things like one night we were talking in the employee room and it was just the two of us but he wouldn't look at me, he would look foward out the window while talking to me. And he will talk to me sometimes but while walking by me he won't even look at me, almost like ignoring me. He always (relives) takes me off my cash for my break when hes not told to by the customer service, and when he looks at me, he looks straight into my eyes very deeply. He also has given me a smile i have never seen him give anybody else, one that lit up his whole face. We work almost the same days (the guy who schedules us is his buddy). Now i don't know if he has a g/f but ( i know this is mean, but hes a little geeky, i love geeky guys though) i don't know if he likes me or not, are these signs nothing or are these signs hinting towards something, and if they are what should i do?
It's a possibility that he likes you & is just a shy guy, or he could just be interested in you as a friend & is just a shy guy. If you want to be his friend or if you want something more, you're either going to have to start encouraging him-- initiate conversations, smile back at him, etc.-- or just make the first move.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks. He asked me to the Christmas Dance. I was thinking of mabye at the end of the dance I would go up to him and say, "I want to give you your Christmas present a little early." Then tell him to close his eyes and when he does then kiss him. We haven't kissed yet. Do you think he would like this?

14/f
It sounds cute, but depending on when the Christmas dance is, you may have already kissed by then.

But if you haven't kissed by then, I'll think he'll like that. Just don't attack him on the dance floor-- keep it sweet & simple.

Q: I have been getting really close to a guy that i've liked non stop for the past year. We've gone out three times.

Anyways, he came over twice within the past 3 weeks and some things happened. I gave him a hj, and he fingered me and we kissed a lot. He told me on the phone before he came over that he liked me a lot and i told him how i think hes still not over some chick that he was with. he said "I am over her, i really just want you to believe me..your the only girl I like right now and not her..you can either believe that lying whore or me..please just believe me"
after the first time he came over, he didn't call me until the night I saw him at his football game, which was about a week later (we can only talk on the phone because we dont go to the same school)Then he just came over a couple days ago and hasn't called me even though before he left i said "are you gonna call or me ditch me like you did last time?" and he said "nah Im gonna cal lyou" then he walked over to me gave me a hug and kiss and left.

What do you guys think is going on? What's the best thing for me to do? This is cheesy but im seriously in love with this kid..i dont know how to explain it. Just please help me!!

I think he's a lost cause. First of all, you have to consider that you've gone out three times & three times, the relationship has failed-- why? If it's failed three times, chances are things just aren't going to work out between you two.

It seems like he may just be using you if he'll come over, fool around, & not call when he promises to. Of course, you need to be making some effort here too, it shouldn't just be him calling. But the fact that he called his exgirlfriend a "lying whore" really says something about him. He just doesn't seem like the type of guy you want to get involved with.

Q: cant get this guy out of my head..
what do i do!!?
i dont know if he likes me.
PLEASE GIVE HELPFUL ADVICE.

i rate 5s for people that try.
lol.
im so pathedic
It's not pathetic. I'm sure we've all been there at one point or another.

Try to develop some sort of relationship with him if you haven't already. Start with friendship, & see where things go from there. You may learn that he's not what you thought he was while admiring from a far & that you're just not compatible, or you may both have feelings for each other. Either way you're bound to win, so befriend the kid!

Q: This may be long. Well, I've known Greg since 7th grade. We dated all through highschool. He's a fun-loving guy and doesn't always take things seriously. So during the first semester of college, we broke up. I couldn't handle the way he didn't value academics. The next year I met Aaron, who's a few years older than me & already graduated college and earning a good salary. The whole time I was dating him, Greg and I were still good friends...and still in love. Now Aaron has asked me to marry him. (The wedding would be this summer some time, after I graduate.) I like Aaron a lot and he really cares for me. He could provide a good life for me and I think he'd be a good husband. Using that logic, I told him yes. But lately all I can think about is Greg. I love Aaron but I almost feel like I'm more in love with Greg. Greg still has feelings for me, too. The thing is, Greg still hasn't improved. He isn't very serious about things and I don't think he can handle responsibilty. I couldn't marry him. But can I marry Aaron, knowing my heart isn't fully his? So should I wait to get married or what? I really don't know what to do and I just want some opinions. Please reply; I really need advice.
At the very least, you need to put the wedding on hold & figure out your feelings. You need to be honest with Aaron & let him know that you do have feelings for him, but you're confused about the situation with Greg. You need to talk with both of them & figure out what you want. It seems like you want to marry Aaron because of what he can provide, but you're in love with Greg. All I can say is that you need to follow your heart. If you're not 100% sure that you want to marry Aaron, he *needs* to know that. If it's a case of nerves that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

You need to decide if a future with Greg is possible. You don't have to think about forever just yet, but you may learn to live with his immaturity, or he may grow up eventually.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you love Aaron. It sounds like you appreciate him, & enjoy having him in your life, & he'll be a good provider, but marrying him when your heart is elsewhere isn't fair to either of you. You may grow to resent him in time.

What you need to decide is if you want to marry for love, or if you want to marry for stability.

Q: i need serious help! i went to a movie tonight...and he tried to make out millions of times and i tried..but i just didnt know what to do! ive always been told it will come naturally..but it didnt at all! and now he thinks im mad at him and he thinks theres something wrong with him...annnnd he keeps calling me prude. help me PLEASE! what do i do?
It does come naturally, unless he was just attacking you with his tongue. Let him know that you weren't mad, just nervous & he needs to slow down a bit.

But that's only if you still want to kiss him. I would be wary of a guy who started calling me a prude because I wouldn't kiss him in a movie theater.

Q: one of my friends( i have a lot friends that are girls)said that because i act stupid and joke all the time that's why i don't have a girlfriend. if that really is true, what should i do about it?
It depends on whether or not you're actually like that *all* the time. I personally love guys that act stupid & don't care about what people think & I know a lot of other girls who feel the same way-- but you need to be serious at the appropriate times, & if you're *never* able to be serious, then your friend could have a point.

Regardless, don't change who you are just so you can get a girlfriend. You want a girl who loves you for who you are & doesn't try to change a single thing. Don't act the way you think you should so you can have a girlfriend-- wait until you find the girl who embraces everything about you, irritating/quirky personality traits included.

Q: well what can i say um... the only thing that comes to mind right now is that i always catch her looking at me from across the room...and tha's about all i can think of right now
That could definitely be a sign of her liking you. I say go for it.

bio
kailey
My name is Kailey. I'm 17 years old & a senior at a high school in Massachusetts. I'm told that I'm mature for my age, but I'll let you be the judge of that. I love giving advice, but I'll tell you the way I see it, so you may not always like my answers. I especially like giving relationship advice. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I feel as though I can give good advice on the subject.

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