about

My name is Laura and I'm 28 years old. I live in Illinois and work as a licensed veterinary technician. I am a runner, bookworm and obviously, an animal lover.


I've been on this site since '05. I take hiatuses, but I'm never gone for good. I enjoy giving advice and I've made such lovely friends on this site that I couldn't imagine giving it up!

chat it up yo.


ps. here's my bestestestest friend.
I love him. You will too :)

advice

I am a 22 year old woman dating a 39 year old man. We've been together for almost 2 years now. I love him very much and he loves me.

Can our relationship last despite our age difference?

I'm a firm believer in love overpowering all and I think that age is just a number. If you really love each other, the age difference won't matter. Sure, it might be a bit strange at first, but if you really want to be with him and he really wants to be with you, you'll get over it.


-Laura (17-f)

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So I'm to the point in my friendship with a girl that I'm ready to ask her out, and I think she likes me too although of course I'm nervous anyway. SO I have thought of about 3 ways to do it and I want to know which one I should use.

1) Just straight up tell her my feelings for her. Probably the most risky one in my opinion. Also then "ask" her if she feels the same way.

2) Be funny about it, and make it not a question but more of a command, like "so when are you going to let me take you out on a date?" Like with a smirk, and real direct. To me this seems less risky and less awkward. But of course she could laugh it off and I wouldn't get an answer.

3) Play 20 questions with her, and like for all my questions it would be "do you like a guy," and then ask questions describing myself "is he tall," "does he like sports," etc. and then for the last question I would ask if she wanted to be my girlfriend. This sounds the funnest, but I think it would be really hard to steer the conversation that way.

4) I'll also take any other suggestions, thanks!!!

1. This IS your best option. Be honest and open with her (she'll respect it and love the confidence). Being open with her and telling her how you feel, straight up, is a good way to start a relationship.


2. This is not a good idea. Honestly? If a guy did this to me, I'd think he was cocky and arrogant. I'd probably just walk away and shake my head.


3. This is a really cute idea, but I don't think it's the best. It probably WOULD be hard to steer the conversation that way, unless you really tried. Maybe you could ask her something like "Does his name start with *first letter of your name* and end with *last letter of your name*?".


4. My best friend made a mix CD for the girl he liked, and with the first letter of each song title spelled out "Will you be my girlfriend?" I thought it was cute, and she said yes ;)


Honestly, though, I think the first option if your best. I know I love a guy that has confidence; I think most girls do. So if you just tell her how you're feeling and ask her out, she'd probably appreciate it.


Good luck!


-Laura (17-f)

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My friend, Her name is Kelsey.

She is dating this guy who I can't stand at all. Now, A few months or so ago there was this huge arguement between me and my best friend they broke up and Tim told her that I said she cheated on him..wtf? Anyway, A week later Kelsey and Tim got back together and she kept it a secret from me the entire time and our friendshp started going downhill a little bit when I told her I didn't say nothing. Not only did she avoid the problem and not talk to me but our friendship is STILL not the same. She will go awhile without talking to me then call me wanting to hang out and spend the night at my house...not only that but I live in apartment and I have rules to keep the television down after 10pm..she doesn't listen I've talked to her about this on several occasions. I'm fed up, She never listens to me at all and she talks over me.


What should I do

I agree with the other 2 columnists. This girl is:


A. choosing a boy over you.
B. not listening when you talk to her about it.
C. totally disrespecting you.
D. all of the above.


The correct answer is D, and she's totally not worth your time. I think you should go out and find some new people to hang out with, who won't chose a guy over you, or not listen to you when you say something important like "I have rules where I live, don't break them."


-Laura (17-f)

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14/F

Okay. Like, really, I am about ready to just give up on guys. Ugh. So this guy I like right now (well not really anymore) is a complete ahole, I don't even know why I like him. But he really only just wants to feel me up. Everytime I text him or call him, he says he's busy and that he'll text/call me when he's done... he NEVER does. But of course, whenever he calls/texts I should just be ready to talk to him. I don't know... He's sweet, but, what the hell?

Then there was the last guy I liked. I really, really, really, liked him for like two years, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Which I can get because, yeah, I'm young and stuff so I thought we'd just wait till like highschool or something. Yeah well, he moved away. F my life.

And it kind of sucks because my three bestfriends are all insanely pretty, and I mean, I know I'm pretty too, but they're gorgeous. It sucks so bad that whenever we go out, the boys all flirt with them and then they turn to me like a sloppy second. Plus all of the guys at school like me, but they made this like "Top Five Hot Girls" and I wasn't on it. I know its stupid and dumb and immature and I should waste my time worrying about it, but it hurts you know? I love my friends, and they're the best but it's so hard hanging out with them, because all I can do is compare myself and it's all because I have sucky self esteem.

Then there's this other guy that I kind of like right now. But because I'm an idiot, I like threw myself at him. Like I tried to talk to him 24/7 so I looked like a creepy obsessed girl... and well I think I blew it with him which really stinks cuz I think it could have worked. And that whole ordeal really hasn't helped my confidence much at all.

So at the moment, I'm kind of just ready to give up. I think about all of that stuff I just wrote and, God, I feel so pathetic. I feel ugly and gross and unwanted and stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do these dumb boys' opinions matter to me so much?

You need to realize that you're only 14. You have your ENTIRE life ahead of you for guys, and you shouldn't "give up" just because you've picked a few stinkers. There are good guys out there, I promise you. You just have to give it time and find them.


As for your self-esteem, you are NOT ugly, gross or unwanted. One day you're going to find a guy who can't live without you. And while it may not be for a while, there IS somebody out there who is perfect for you, it's all just a matter of finding him. Just be patient, and it will all be worth it one day.


For now, just enjoy your time with friends and don't focus on guys (they suck at your age, anyways. Trust me, I know!) Just focus on school, having fun and living your life! Life is WAY too short to let guys (of all things) get you down and make you feel bad about yourself. I'm sure you're a totally awesome person, and I hate that guys are making you feel so badly about yourself. Things with guys will get better as you get older, because they will become more mature and less idiotic.


But like I said, for now, don't focus on guys. Focus on YOU. Go out and have fun while you're still young! :)


If you need any more advice or just want to chat sometime, send me an inbox! :)


-Laura (17-f)

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16/f

i'm actually not sure if my boyfriend is forcing me to stay with him or anything, it's just that me and him has been together for about seven months. sometimes, when me and him get into a fight, i would try to break up with him.. but then he would just cry and beg me to stay. but sometimes, i feel like i want to leave and be single but hearing him cry always gets to me. i always start crying because he cries, my heart feels heavy. i wasn't sure if that him crying would hold me back from what i wanted to do... or i just notice that i really do like him? i'm not sure... help me please?

Hearing somebody cry DOES tend to make people feel bad (that's an obvious fact of life), but you just really need to think about your situation. Do you want to be with your boyfriend? Do you still feel the way you did when you first got together with him? Would you rather be single and be able to talk to whatever guy you want? Ask yourself these questions, and then follow your heart.


Another piece of advice:

If you don't want to be with your boyfriend, don't force yourself to stay with him. You're only lying to yourself AND to him. It's horrible for both of you, and it will only get harder to let go as time goes on.


-Laura (17-f)

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ok well my sister has a broken ankle and i feel really bad for her. and my brother is throwing this huge party on Friday night and i really would like to go. my sister insists that she can go to the party? soo my questions are...should she go? and if she cant go should i not attend the party to be with her?

Just because she has a broken ankle doesn't mean your sister can't do anything. I think you should take her with to the party, but make sure that she is careful. And make sure to get your parents permission to go to the party.


If your parents decide that she shouldn't go, then ask her if she would like you to stay home. She would probably love for you to keep her company, so maybe the two of you could have a movie marathon or a game night instead!


-Laura (17-f)

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well...i have a twin sister and we do pretty much everything together. she helps me a lot when it comes to school. and im grateful for that. we both would like to have everyone of our classes together in the upcoming school year. our parents don't feel we should do that. i need help convincing my parents to let us talk with the principle about it.

I agree with your parents on this one, to tell you the truth.


You need to grow up and learn to be an individual, and that's part of what high school is all about. I mean, sure, it's mainly about academics, but it's also about growing up and learning who you are. If you stick with your sister forever, how are you going to get by when you go to college? Or when you get a job? Or when the two of you have different friends?


Why not try only taking a few of your classes together? This way, you can still be together, but you'll also be apart for some of the time. I think it would be a really good idea for you to do that instead :)


-Laura (17-f)

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When your running what are good things to think about to help get you through it and keep you going?

Listen to music.


Make a playlist of songs that get you pumped up. It will get your adrenaline running and keep you going!


-Laura (17-f)

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ijust have a quick question: why are(some) guys sweet and nice to you when you're alone and then when they're with their friends and they see you they turn into loudmouthed pigs and then all of a sudden you don't exist but the popular girls do?

also.. why do they think that after they ignore you one day they can go back to being sweeties the next and THEN they wonder why your mad.

please shed some light on the situation for me.
thanks
16/f

1. Because most guys suck and think it's ok. When they're around friends, they want to be "cool" or whatever. Everybody goes through this, though, not just guys.


2. I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days, and my conclusion is as follows:

They ignore us one day and love us the next, because us girls take things way more seriously and way more personal than guys do. They think it's ok to not talk for a day or two, but girls don't. I know exactly how you feel; I get super upset when my boyfriend and I don't talk for even a day, but he thinks it's not a huge deal. Girls are just more sensitive than guys, especially when it comes to things like this.



-Laura (17-f)

[view]

Okay so I have this guy friend that I've been friends with since like before kindergarden, no lie! We had the whole first kiss in first grade thing, and stayed extremely close! Then in middle school we drifted apart. We were in the same classes in 8th grade and sat next to eachother in every class. We have the same sense of cruel humor, and make fun of everyone, haha. Last week we met eachother at the rope swing by the river (I know that sounds really country haha) swam and did all that, and when the sun was sitting he sang the song Then by Brad Paisley. We've told eachother we have strong feelings for eachother, but can't decide whether or not to stay friends or become an item. Help?
14/f

I think you should try dating. Don't make it something super serious, but do take it to the next level.


It IS obvious that you care about each other, and it sounds like you have a lot of chemistry, so why NOT try it out?


-Laura (17-f)

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I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now (I'm 15, he's 16), he has a little sister aged around 9 or 10 and an older sister about 20. I get on with his older sister, we've got no problems. But, I've noticed that my boyfriends little sister is always wanting attention from him. It's only recently starting to get on my nerves, because we do get on.. most days. Idk, one day she'll be all nice to me and in the 'i hate my older brother' mood and leave us alone, the next day she's like always around us, like if we're at his house.
Today, I went swimming with my boyfriends family, so obviously me and him had to watch his little sister. And she acted really differently. Like, she was hugging him and she was like 'No, he's mine!' So I was just playing about with her and argued back. But she got all serious and just kept on generally annoying me, which she hasn't really done before.
Another thing is when she is in the 'i hate my older brother' mood, she's always sucking upto me. For example, she'd always argue againest whatever my boyfriend would say, but if I was to argee with him she'd change her mind and she just always agrees with me. So like, I really don't know if she's jealous because we spend so much time together? (I am his first long term girlfriend, and he's mine) Or I don't know if she's doing it on purpose?

Sorry if it's long, but thanks :)

I think the reason why she gets in the "He's MY brother!" mood is because she's afraid that you're trying to take him away, in a sense. She sees that he gives YOU all the attention, and she gets scared that he's going to stop giving her attention all together (even thought he obviously won't.)


I think the reason why she tries to suck up to you is because she wants you to like her. The two behaviors go hand in hand; she thinks if you like her, then her brother will continue to like her and give her attention.


She's young, and doesn't understand that he can love and spend time with both of you, so cut her some slack. Just be nice to her, and when she gets possessive of your boyfriend, say something reassuring like "Yes, he IS your brother and he loves you very much. But he's my boyfriend and he likes me, too. He loves both of us."


-Laura (17-f)

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ugh boys drive me crazy. so i have a question.(i will try and make this as unconfusing as possible) i am sort of falling for 3 guys at the same time. one i know i don't really like but he is just so much fun to hangout with. and another one he is my best friend. but we are starting to get closer in a different way, but im sort of scared because i dont want to mess up our good relationship. and for the last guy. he doesnt attend my school so its hard cause i dont see much of him. but we text and talk online all the time. i dont know i need help!

Thanks for inboxing :)


We can eliminate one right off the bat. The first guy. You said you "don't really like" him, so forget about it. Just because he's cool to hang out with doesn't mean you have to force yourself to have feelings for him. Just be friends with him and nothing more. It's perfectly fine to be friends with a guy and not have feelings for him.


As for the other two, you just have to follow your heart; do what it tells you. Who gives you butterflies? Who makes you smile when you see them? If they both asked you out right this second, which one would you say "yes" to? Think about it, and then make your decision.


-Laura (17-f)

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I have 18 days left with my boyfriend before I go to college and I don't want to spend every day sitting in his room watching tv. I enjoy those days but when I'm sitting in my dorm remembering my summer I want there to be more than just hanging out and watching tv.

So what are some fun things to do?

We like...
-fishing
-eating/cooking
-making stuff
-he would enjoy anything that has to do with a car
-i like museams and artsy stuff
-taking drives on quiet back roads
-adventures in general
-sightseeing

It seems like we do the same stuff all the time. Fishing and traveling..or traveling to a good fishing spot are a few things that are sort of the break from the ordinary. But we need ideas! We both want to do something that we'll remember and be talking about for a while.

Thanks!

Have a movie night.
Have a game night.
Watch the stars.
Have a picnic.
Go for a walk in the park.
Lay on your back and watch cloud shapes float by.
Drive around at night with no destination.
Go to a concert/coffee house show.
Spend the day at the bookstore.


:)


-Laura (17-f)

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I really like this guy. (i'm a young teen and female) 3 of my friends have told me that he liked me but I don't think they know for sure. I kind of want someone to ask him out for me but every time I've ever had anyone say no I have to stay away from him because I'm shy and rumors get started. Should I have someone ask him out for me and take the risk and if so then how should I or my friend tell him?
thanks!

Well, there are 2 major options you can go about to solve this problem:


1. Be blunt about it.
2. Be shy about it.


I highly suggest being blunt about it, and either asking him if he's into you too, or simply asking him out yourself. Guys like when girls show confidence, and there's no better way to show you're confident than walking up to a guy and asking him out!


Or, you can go the other route and be shy about it, possibly doing nothing to show him you're interested in him. Sometimes, people who use this method drop subtle hints such as smiling [which is common in girls and doesn't always show you're into a guy] or having a friend ask if he's into you [this only shows that you're too shy to do it yourself]. This option is really kind of stupid, and is used all too much...


As I always say:
Life is WAY too short to not take chances and risks once in a while. Why sit around wondering what could've been, what would've been and what should've been, when you can answer all of those questions and then some by being honest and telling a boy how you really feel about him?



-Laura (17-f)

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i have a friend and she is one of my best friends she always ignores me at break and lunch unless we are bitching.If i fall out with her then i'll probally lose another friend how is just the same.They are starting to do it to everyone but i don't know how the others feel so i don't what to tell them how i feel cause they might tell my friends and they could take it the wrong way.It only began with the other friend cause i said she was my best friend when i meant it about someone else,please dont say talk to them cause they won't listen.
p.s its preety messed up

Find new friends. Sometimes, you just need to find new friends who are actually worth your time.


Trust me, I'm speaking from experience here, you're going to be better off without them.


-Laura (17-f)

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Hey! 14/F

Well, last weekend my friend came over for a sleepover and she straightened my hair for me and it looked sooo nice! So, I bought a straightner but i really dont know how to make it look as good as my friend did it:/ She told me i have to do it in sections so i tried it about 3 times and i still cant get it to look the way i want it to look like. I have one of those cuts where its long in the front and short in the back:) very cute..and layerd but it gets to wavy sometimes(i have natural wave :/ ) So can anyone give me some steps on how to straighten my hair? thanks in advance!

First, make sure your straightener is heated up all the way and that your hair is completely dry.


Start by separating it into sections, just like your friend said. Take one section (maybe half an inch?) in the front, and clip the rest back so you can focus on only that piece.


Then, comb the piece of hair so there aren't any tangles or anything. Next, get the straightener as high on the piece of hair (as close to your scalp) as possible. Then, clamp it and slowly move down the piece of hair.


Repeat this, and then spray a little bit of hairspray in your hair. Just make sure you don't do sections of hair that are too big. Use sections that are a little smaller than 2 fingers width. That's what I do :)


Hope this helps!


-Laura (17-f)

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Today I bought a couple of shirts at Zumiez. It was sort of like a back to school sale I guess, and I bought 2 shirts for $25. One of the shirts I got, I thought I saw the right size for me, but I guess I didn't grab the right size. Does anyone know if I'll be able to exchange it for a smaller size? I still have the receipt, and the tag is still on the shirt. I'm just worried because usually on-sale items are final... Thanks for the help :)

You should be able to exchange it, because I know people who have exchanged sale items there. All you can do is go back and try.


-Laura (17-f)

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im 13 and i am already getting white stuff and i was wondering when will i get my period

The white stuff is normal and is called discharge. But nobody here can predict when you will get your period.


Just make sure you have pads at your house and that you're prepared for when it does come.


-Laura (17-f)

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so im 16 and i still wear pads...is that normal? i mean is there a certain age for girls when your suppose to start wearing tampons?are their some girls who never wear tampons?does it become unhealthy to wear pads after a certain period of time?and is it true that you can still go swimming on your period as long as you wear a tampon??thanx

It's totally normal.

Some women never use tampons in their entire lives.

It doesn't become any more or less healthyas you get older.

Yes, you can swim if you wear a tampon.


-Laura (17-f)

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So I am really really into my next door neighbor, he's my age and we're friends. We hang out a lot . But i thought at the beginning of the summer that he might be into me and i've liked him for the past few months. My friend just told me though, that he told her he doesn't like me, his exact words were ... noo, that would just be wierd... I really feel the need to get over him because i would much rather be friends then nothing, and liking him and not being liked back will get in the way of a friendship. I have no idea how to get over him though!! whenever i see him i like him again, and i always see him, he lives next to me!! but he is on vacation for 3 weeks, now is the time to get over him, but how do i do it? I like him so much, i can't even explain it.......

I know you never dated him, but I think this will help: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=564711


From there:


Step 1: Have a really good cry.
- When my boyfriend and I broke up, I was super upset (like words cannot describe how bad I felt). But I told myself that I wasn't going to let it flip my entire world upside down. So I let myself have one really good cry, and then I told myself I'm going to start moving on. Which brings me to...


Step 2: Friends = lifesavers.
- Go to the mall and buy yourself something nice (don't over spend, though. Just something small, but nice. Like a new outfit or purse!) Or go see a movie, or out to dinner or something! Don't mope around your house all day doing nothing.


Step 3: Talk about it.
- It feels SO good to let it all out. Sit down with somebody you trust (for me, it was my mom) and just spill your heart out. Again, don't let it ruin your life or impact you too much.


Step 4: Move ON!
- Stop talking to him for a while (you need to give yourself time to get OVER him). Don't stalk his Facebook, spend time with other people, and don't even waste time TALKING about him.


Honestly, it's going to take time, and it's going to be hard, but once you get over him you will feel SO much better. I promise you that this guy is NOT worth wasting all of your time on, and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Go out and find a new guy that treats you right and is WORTH your time. Forget about this guy ASAP. You're young and have plenty of time for guys. And, as one of my favorite books puts it: The first boy is always the hardest.


Best of luck! :)


-Laura (17-f)

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