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I feel ugly, gross, unwanted, and stupid. boys suck.
14/F
Okay. Like, really, I am about ready to just give up on guys. Ugh. So this guy I like right now (well not really anymore) is a complete ahole, I don't even know why I like him. But he really only just wants to feel me up. Everytime I text him or call him, he says he's busy and that he'll text/call me when he's done... he NEVER does. But of course, whenever he calls/texts I should just be ready to talk to him. I don't know... He's sweet, but, what the hell?
Then there was the last guy I liked. I really, really, really, liked him for like two years, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Which I can get because, yeah, I'm young and stuff so I thought we'd just wait till like highschool or something. Yeah well, he moved away. F my life.
And it kind of sucks because my three bestfriends are all insanely pretty, and I mean, I know I'm pretty too, but they're gorgeous. It sucks so bad that whenever we go out, the boys all flirt with them and then they turn to me like a sloppy second. Plus all of the guys at school like me, but they made this like "Top Five Hot Girls" and I wasn't on it. I know its stupid and dumb and immature and I should waste my time worrying about it, but it hurts you know? I love my friends, and they're the best but it's so hard hanging out with them, because all I can do is compare myself and it's all because I have sucky self esteem.
Then there's this other guy that I kind of like right now. But because I'm an idiot, I like threw myself at him. Like I tried to talk to him 24/7 so I looked like a creepy obsessed girl... and well I think I blew it with him which really stinks cuz I think it could have worked. And that whole ordeal really hasn't helped my confidence much at all.
So at the moment, I'm kind of just ready to give up. I think about all of that stuff I just wrote and, God, I feel so pathetic. I feel ugly and gross and unwanted and stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do these dumb boys' opinions matter to me so much?
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I'll be the first to admit that guys are confusing, but they can be figured out.
For goodness sake, you are only fourteen years old. There's no possibly way you're going to suddenly meet the perfect guy at your age. I guarantee you that the guy for you is not from your town, and maybe isn't from your state.
This is why I've decided to stop dating until I'm in college, because there's no one for me in my town. I mean, sure, I have a lot of friends that I love here, but in college, I'll meet people from all over the country, and hopefully find someone who is just like me and that I can really get along with and maybe end up dating and possibly marrying.
My point is, you have SO much more time in your life to date. You don't have to rush it just because everyone else is doing it, especially when you've kind of had bad luck with those guys. I mean, certainly don't "give up" on guys, because what happens when you find a guy that's perfect, but you've told everyone and yourself that you've given up on guys? Do you just say nevermind? Do you just disregard everything you've stood for?
The best thing to do is not "give up", but to be cautious about who you get close to. Try to really get to know a guy before you date them. Like, the basics and maybe more in-depth things. I mean, you don't have to know his grandmother's favorite color or his father's middle name. I mean, get to know his personality, based off of his family and how he acts around his friends and around you. There's nothing wrong with trying to get to know a guy before dating him or getting feelings for him.
And honestly, I don't mean to say that you can't date a guy unless you know his personality completely; that is absurd. What I mean is that don't just date a random guy you meet at a party or something because he's hot, is a good kisser, or "seems" nice. Try to be his friend before you date him.
I wish you the best of luck.
--Jack
(17/m)
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well its normal for a girl your age to love and want attention from boys. but it is important to remember that boys aren't everything, although in H.S it might be hard to accept that. i think you should try telling your friends how you feel. maybe they can help increase your confidence. don't feel "ugly and gross and unwanted and stupid" because im sure you are not. you said so yourself that boys in your school like you. maybe its time to meet a new boy. Now that you know what u did wrong with the previous ones you will be able to have successful relationship.
good luck and keep your head up :]
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You need to realize that you're only 14. You have your ENTIRE life ahead of you for guys, and you shouldn't "give up" just because you've picked a few stinkers. There are good guys out there, I promise you. You just have to give it time and find them.
As for your self-esteem, you are NOT ugly, gross or unwanted. One day you're going to find a guy who can't live without you. And while it may not be for a while, there IS somebody out there who is perfect for you, it's all just a matter of finding him. Just be patient, and it will all be worth it one day.
For now, just enjoy your time with friends and don't focus on guys (they suck at your age, anyways. Trust me, I know!) Just focus on school, having fun and living your life! Life is WAY too short to let guys (of all things) get you down and make you feel bad about yourself. I'm sure you're a totally awesome person, and I hate that guys are making you feel so badly about yourself. Things with guys will get better as you get older, because they will become more mature and less idiotic.
But like I said, for now, don't focus on guys. Focus on YOU. Go out and have fun while you're still young! :)
If you need any more advice or just want to chat sometime, send me an inbox! :)
-Laura (17-f)
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Why do they matter? Because you're 14 and you have no understanding of self confidence.
At 14 you're too young to understand that not everyone is supposed to be attracted to you, so when a guy isn't you're upset, thinking theres something wrong with you.
At 14, you're also too young to understand that there is something wrong with these guys. You're attracted to people who aren't attracted to you. Why? Because you're a kid, and all a kid knows about relationships is "I want to be liked"
All you really know is chemistry. That feeling of initial attraction. You date and pretend to be an adult when in truth you don't even get why you date someone. You don't date for status, or to be liked or considered attractive. You date because you find someone you connect with, can talk with and love spending time with, and because you want to continue spending time with them.
Kids don't. Kids date to get laid and to feel like adults. Well, you're dating to feel like an attractive adult, the guys you're interested in are dating more for the possibility of getting laid.
I'm sure by now you're sick of being called a kid, but thats what you are and there should be no shame in it. The fact that you WANT a boyfriend doesn't mean you or they are actually ready for a healthy relationship.
There is a universal truth you have no grasped yet. You are not your genes, you are the choices you make, the things you do, the way you treat people, the life you want to lead.
Self confidence should not come from who you date or how pretty you are. It should come from what you know, what you've done and plan on doing. Go get a life. Go have fun. Find things you enjoy doing and do them. When people see that you lead a life you enjoy and take pride in, they become attracted to that. People like being around people who they want to emulate, if you want more self confidence then go out for a sport, join a club, find something that you want to do and go out and have fun doing it.
Having a life is better than sitting around posting about not being in the "top 5 hot girls". Why are you unwanted? Because you're so caught up in wanting to be wanted that you aren't being your own person. When you throw youself at people wanting to be accepted, everyone can sense that desperation. You project your lack of self confidence because you have nothing to have confidence in outside of that.
Get a hobby or something, have a life. Sports are great at your age, if you can get into that. Gets you in and keeps you in shape, gives you something to belong to, gives you a feeling that you worked hard at something at the end of the day, and gives you a group of people who have a reason to interact with you and get to know you.
You need things to take pride in that aren't whether or not you have a boyfriend. When people see someone that agonizes over being alone, and who throws themselves at others hoping for approval, they're not inclined to give you what you want.
When people see someone who is too busy with her own life to care, who doesn't have a boyfriend because she's too busy to look and the opportunity hasn't presented itself with enough reason for her to pursue it, they see someone who might actually be worth dating.
Last, when you're freaking out about whether or not someone likes you, you repress youself and everyone can tell. What little fun might be had is gone because every second they can tell you're waiting for that smile or word of approval.
Having your own life helps. It allows you to relax, to be doing something that is natural to you and allows you to just be yourself where others can see that.
Thats attractive. Confidence is attractive. If you aren't confident in anything about yourself, then you are spending too much time trying to get a boyfriend and too little time improving yourself and your life so that you have some confidence.
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listen your still young and i believe that almost every girl who was your age passed through this..Iguys your age dont know what they want, so they just play games anyways..be happy with yourself and feel confident, guys like that in a girl..But dont rush your life, there are plenty of other guys who thinks you are pretty and you dont even know about it. & so what if your friends are gorgeous, you are too & you need to show these guys that you are beautiful..You are only 14 hun, you are nowhere near the end of dating, it is just gunah start, have fun with it.
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hey, ill just start by saying that the "Dumb boy's" comment isnt very fair. but that boat has sailed now i guess, anyway.
You will find some one soon enough, your only going to turn yourself desperate and needy if you keep this way. im a guy (18) and a couple of years ago i went the same way you did and to be honest giving up on looking for some one has made me happier. but i have alot of things to do in the meantime like go out skating with mates or work in the shop longer. It would be nice to have some one right? but you dont need them to live your own life. have your life to yourself for your i guess your "childhood" years before you start telling yourself that your ready to share that with some one.
Ease up on it, theres plenty of guys out there and at one point they'll like you enough to give you a chance.
I'v been single for 6 years and as pathetic as it sounds, i actually kinda like being alone at the moment. i do get to the point every now and then when i really want a GF but they soon pass because theres really nothing to worry about. iv had girlfriends before and i can have one again if i tried.
good luck, hopefully you see what i meant :)
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Every girl always wants that happy ever after ending/prince charming, I know this because I spent hours upon hours waiting by the phone for him. What I think most girls forget it, you have your whole life to find him or LET HIM FIND YOU. Instead of throwing yourself at guys, let them see more sides of you because I'm sure you have a lot to offer. Think of it this way, even though your best friends have tons of guys throwing themselves at them, it's only physical attraction. Honestly, it's not like their going to marry any of these guys. I know sometimes you just want someone to hold your hand and someone to talk to at night but texting a potential future boyfriend every five minutes can come off as clingy and emotionally unsteady. Be yourself and don't be too eager. Good things come to those who wait. I learnt that the hard way. I chased off every boy I knew even though I was "pretty" because I just wanted someone to love me. But how can anyone love you if you don't love yourself? Be confident and stop comparing yourself to your friends in a negative way. I'm sure you possess qualities your friends don't and that's why they're your friends. Think of why they admire you and focus more on those things. I hope I helped.
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