We all fill our empty places with stuff. Shopping, drinking, working, sex, food, approval, drugs, fighting, college degrees, exercise, porn, tobacco, chocolate, good deeds, etc. Some of these things are considered okay to overdo in our society...like being a workaholic, being successful, rich, and educated. Some are considered harmless, and some frowned upon. Truly it is wise to ask ourselves not just about the objects or activities of our affection or addiction, but why we need such in the first place. The more harmless the object or activity seems, the less likely we are to question it, and the truth we are covering up stays under the radar of public scrutiny. Without being hypocritical, you should be concerned not about the shopping itself, but the deeper issue of what the shopping is satisfying in her life. We all have a pacifier in our life, so don't think you are an exception. She may be lonely, bored, or any number of things. Logic has nothing to do with our emotional needs, so don't even try to argue with her about shopping. It has little or nothing to do with the actual items bought, which lose their value quickly as the material reveals its ineffectuality to satisfy. The physical world and everything in it cannot fill the void of one human soul. Love her.

Sometimes people will be critical and resent you for making choices in your life that they cannot see themselves making due to their own fear or ignorance. If your aunt was raised to be afraid of the judgement of society and family, then she probably is jealous that you have the courage to live your life without those restrictions. She has some backwards ideas that rooted in her own past and experiences. It is unfortunate, but don't take it personally. The restrictions others place on themselves are not ones you have to entertain.

The first red flag goes up when the guy lied about his age. Why was an older guy on a young person's site that he had to lie to get into anyway. In fact he could be any age. We don't know him. You are her friend, so tell her that you are always open to talk about whatever she needs to. Most likely she already does this, and is online with this guy because she likes the male attention. She may feel grown up by talking with an older guy. This is potentially very dangerous for her. I doubt this guy is innocent and normally adult males do not TARGET young girls online to help them through life problems. You are smart to be suspicious and good to look out for her. Warn her gently that she should never give out personal info or plan to meet this stranger in real life. If she seems to be getting too involved or at risk, you should talk to your parents and hers for help.

I don't see any reason why she disapproves from what you told me. What reason did she give you? Is there a big age difference? If not, don't worry about it. You are not doing anything wrong that I can tell.

You should go see a doctor immediately at your nearest clinic or hospital...even an emergency room if the pain continues or worsens. This could be something serious and it is always best to seek professional help and advice when it comes to your health and well-being. At least call an advice-nurse at a hospital. If the following applies to you, call for help.

"Appendicitis or other painful problems. If the pain starts by your belly button and then moves to the lower right side of your abdomen, it might be appendicitis. Fever or vomiting, along with pain that gets worse and worse and a loss of appetite, can also be signs of appendicitis."

"Severe pain can also be caused by a urinary tract infection or a blocked intestine. Infection by bacteria or a parasite, heartburn, or inflammatory bowel disease can also cause abdominal pain."

Give each other as much space as possible right now. You can't hang onto him if he is pulling away. It will make him want to get away from you even more. Hitting and any physical violence is never ever allowed or justified except in true self-defense when you cannot escape another way. He is very wrong to hit you and you know that. Don't lie to me or yourself and excuse his behavior. There is nothing here to save. Walk away and start thinking about what you really need in life. We don't know how many days on this Earth we get, so don't waste them trying to make a creep like you. You should be glad to be rid of him. Move out and start planning your life. Date only guys who are respectful men, ones who would never hit a woman or talk down to you. You are never again to allow anyone to hurt you or belittle you. Your ideas of what love and a man looks like have been terribly wrong before today. Love does not hurt. He does not love you. You are not desperate for him, you are desperate for love. Start by loving yourself and you will start attracting men who value that love in you, and not just the desperation. This guy has been taking advantage of your desperation. Walk away from him and start respecting yourself.

Marriage will only make this situation worse. You both are not ready for this commitment obviously. Being "in love" is only a fraction of what it takes to stay married. If you can't be friends who completely trust each other and believe the best about one another, you have no business even being engaged. I want to save you a life of regret here. You are starting to ask yourself the hard questions about the relationship and you know the answers. You do not trust him, and I can't tell you whether or not you should. I am guessing you should not, based upon his past behavior and your unease. Either way, the fact that you are not over the past and you don't trust him is enough to postpone or end the engagement. This relationship started bad, and will not magically get better. If he has not earned your trust after two years then when? If you honestly can't let it go it really is okay to let him go...I know you don't want to lose him, but he is not really the man you want if you want a man who never cheated on you. Something has to change. You either let go of your ideals or him. He does not fit with what you want and he will not want to be in a relationship that he cannot live up to, and will probably always feel he cannot be honest because he will be fearful of your judgement. You can't make it fit. Let go of something.

Sometimes the best thing to do after making a sincere and complete apology, which means taking credit for your part of the wrongdoing, is to wait. We don't like to wait, because it does not give us instantaneous gratification and appreciation for doing what we think was the right thing. We hope that the other person receives our apology and wants to immediately start the making up process. However, they don't owe us this and we may never get it. Do the right thing and then have the dignity to keep doing it...by allowing the other person the time and space they require to process the information, and create their own new opinions. He deserves to know your heart, but he also deserves to have his heart concealed from you until he is ready. Good luck!

Has he always been manipulative? That is what the threats of suicide are really about...not that he won't be desperate enough to actually do it, but it is more likely just a way to manipulate your emotions. If you have a pattern of falling for men that are controlling, you will first need to get counseling before dating anyone else. Breaking up with him will only give you a break from him. It will not take back the last 8 years of your life, which you likely resent spending with him. It will not give you a clean slate or make you feel whole and fresh. It may leave you to face problems within yourself that are bigger demons than your failing marriage. Can you handle that? Can you accept resposibility for your life and mistakes and your part in choosing this man that you are now dissapointed with? I want you to be even harder on yourself than I am being, asking the toughest questions of yourself. Consider the possibility that you are sick and tired of living with the consequences of your own decisions and that you resent yourself for getting into this situation where you feel trapped. This realization will help to free you of the hate that you feel, the hate that is eroding your power and sense of self. When we blame others, it gives away our personal power and the opportunity to take control back of our life. Forget him for a while. This really is not about divorce or marriage at the moment. It is about you. Tell him that you will not make any more threats of divorce and that he is to make no more threats of suicide. If you at some date from now decide to divorce it will happen anyway, but don't threat. Take a tip from Yoda. Don't try, just do. Do something positive for your own self, health and growth everyday. Don't blame him or anyone else. Just concentrate on you. Be loving to yourself. Things will change for you and you won't be trapped. Your husband will no longer be able to keep you going in this cycle of negative fighting or emotion ups and downs, because you are withdrawing your focus from him to yourself. Your power and energy are going to be on being and becoming your best self. Get into therapy if you can, and give yourself your best.

You have only been with this guy a month, and how long have you been suspicious? This is pretty bad, if you have trust issues this early in. He has a pretty full life without you in it, but has still been making time for you. If it is not enough for you, then either ask for more time with him or break up. Keep being suspicious for no reason and it will drive him away, maybe into another girl's arms. Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy?

Do you really want to be the girlfriend of a jailbird? Aren't you better than that? He should be worrying about how his very bad decisions are affecting you, and he should be kissing your butt for even standing by him. You should say that you need to start concentrating on your school more and that you can't see him anymore. He has no right to control you with his anger, but he can't unless you let him, so why on Earth are you letting this loser run your life? You could do much better without him. There is a man out there, many in fact, that will treat you better, but only when you accept and believe that you are truly worth it.

It is very normal to have questions and curiosities about your sexuality; especially within the framework of a culture that continues to challenge sexual orientation and boundaries. What exactly makes a person gay or straight or bi? Is it thinking, feeling or acting upon sexual urges. Feelings and thoughts are more difficult to control than our actions. We gather information and roll it around in our brains, process it a while, observe one bit of fact against another, re-clarify, construct, destruct, make patterns, illuminations, revelations, questions, theories, and conclusions about the world and our place in it. We want to belong and fit in somewhere. We try to assert our individuality, but at the same time, we don't ever want to lose our place and worth in groupings and society. "Please help me to define myself," we cry out. "Is there anyone out there like me?" "Am I normal?" We are not defined only by our actions, but by our thoughts and feelings and what we are willing to accept as reality for ourselves. Does being able to put yourself into someone else's shoes make you that person? No. It gives you insight into another reality and expands your view. As a whole you find yourself attracted to the male of the species and not the female of the species. This generally counts as being straight. However, being a creative and intelligent sexual being, you have the power and imagination to see that this soul that you love as a person is someone whom you could love totally, without the restrictions of gender that are normally in place in your reality when it comes to sexual love.
It is not uncommon for females to have this multifaceted and complex sexual inclinations toward a very close friend. These feelings are seemingly crossing a sexual line and so you wonder if this line is crossed for you forever and changes your identity. The answer is only if you want it to. This is because the deepness of affection you feel for her crosses not only gender, but into a spiritual sphere that rarely is experienced outside of close friendship. You have an intimacy with her that you are unlikely to have with many people whether they are male or female. In fact, whether she were female or male, you would have this soul connection and attraction sexually.
This is why you experience sexual feelings toward her and not women in general. Unless this becomes a pattern and one that you feel is normal and not the exception for you, then I would not feel pressured to declare a new sexual identity. Sexuality is much more complicated than our culture gives us room for, yes even our liberated society that has now given us permission to neatly place ourselves into a couple more neat little boxes, as if that were our idea. The other alternative is that you may feel sexual towards someone as an opportunity to have more power or influence over them in your life. Some people use seduction as pure power and control. Only you know for sure.
Women and men can be attracted to and stimulated by many different things, including same sex nudity or just touching. If you were blind folded and got a sensual massage, you could be turned on whether or not the massager were female, male, attractive, unattractive or had the worst personality. Sexual response can be triggered by many things, and those things in themselves do not define you. You define you.

He sounds immature and possibly he is a little embarrassed since he knows you are crushing on him. Ignore him awhile and then just be casual when communicating. This sould ease up the tension he feels. If he continues to talk rude to you, he may just be an ass. If he is trying to be a jerk and says shut up again, just say, "That's funny, I always thought just girls went around saying that."

The real problem here is that you think that you can like only one guy at a time, and that if this guy is taken, then you are doomed. This causes girls in particular to either try to steal the guy away and usually make an ass of themselves for his attention and losing them both, or to feel alone and sad and jealous. Don't do either of these, please. He is cute and nice and funny, and so are a million other guys. He is also just a guy with unseen flaws which your best girl will eventually find out and pass on to you. Every guy looks fabulous at first, but the warts eventually come out. You may like him for the duration she goes out with him or stop suddenly when you find out some of his yuckier qualities. Don't think he is perfect and worth risking a great friendship over. Seek out other guys to date and hang with so you don't end up the third wheel all the time or feeling left out. Go on some blind double dates with some of his guy friends. Couples generally enjoy setting their single friends up. You will get over this guy sooner than you think, and keep your friend forever most likely, so start looking elsewhere for potential hotties.

"...he's my world." This is the heart of the matter. You need to rely less on him being your world and give him space. It is too much pressure on both of you to be this intense. He is only a man, and cannot be your private god. It is not good to worship or be worshiped by another human. This places both persons on unequal footing and prevents true partnership. Expand you love and interest to many things outside of him and your identity as his wife. You will only be a bore to be around if you narrow yourself to being all about him and you will stop growing into your genuine real self and all the potential you have as an individual. Often we obsess on someone as our everything, one true love, savior, protector or defender, because we are afraid we cannot exist or do not deserve to exist alone. This is dangerous to your soul. If he has already complained then you know that you need to make a decision right now to expand your passion and meaning in life immediately. Love him enough to let him remember why he loves you, because if you continue to suffocate him he will forget the thrill of seeking you out and why you are so dear to him.

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p267/GalaxisMist/Wiccan%20Artwork/Paganartwork%20famouse%20artist/Lisahuntwisewoman.jpg

Here you go!

The best way to be stylish is to have your own classic sense of personal taste come through in all your clothing. You want to develop a signature look that is your own, but not entirely repetitive. A simple way to achieve this is to not be a slave to fashion or get stuck in a rut. Be attentive to how the clothing you have on your body and not someone else's looks. Does it compliment you, or contradict you? Is the color making you stand out, or is the color overwhelming you and standing out on its own. Don't write a store off entirely. Sometimes you will find one great item among a sea of dissapointments. Try everything on before you buy it. Buy less than you want to at first and give yourself time to really consider if you love something or it is an impulse buy. Don't be afraid to ask a stranger for their opinion on picking between two shirts for example, because most people will be happy to oblige. Every once in a while try on something totally different than you are used to, in order to keep your perspective fresh and avoid ruts. Have fun!

Besides it being more common than you think, the fact is that you will probably be the only one to notice. Your boyfriend is more likely to be thinking, "Oh my gawd, She is actually letting me touch her boobies!" and most guys are just so happy to be getting the action, that details all blur into one great rush of estactic eroticism. Don't ever bring this or any of your other self-criticisms to any guys attention. Women are the ones who pick people apart and men are more likely to see the whole picture and they either like you or they don't. He won't notice a pimple on your butt, the hair on your lip, the slight uneveness of your boob size or the cellulite on your thighs even a fraction as much as you will obsess about. If you don't point it out and convince him of these horrible abominations, he will blindly and generously see you as his beautiful goddess of love...which of course you are, so start acting like a woman in love with her body with all of its unique charm and that confidence will make you even more alluring. Sexy women are not perfect, they are confident.

It may be that you are wearing a bra that is too small of a cup size and too large of a band size. This will cut into that particular area and exaggerate any fat there. Always wear a supportive bra or sport bra and get a proper fitting if possible. Good luck!

Update***
Yes, you can use whatever words you want to. Basically tell him that you will use "the golden rule" which means to do for him as you would want him to do for you, as long as he uses it, too. Tell him you are happy to serve him once in a while if he returns the favor. Be polite and clear and especially firm when you tell him. Ask your parents to support you in being nice to one another. It will be music to their ears. Every time your brother asks for something, ask him for something in return. If he starts being nice back, then you can wait awhile before asking for a favor. Otherwise, ask immediately, and make it clear it is an equal exchange.


Politely refuse to do any more than you should be doing for him, and walk away. If you act respectful and don't let him get you all worked up, then he and your parents will have nothing to blame you with. From now on, you will demand respect and give it, not because he deserves it, but because by demonstrating that you are a focused, self-controlled, superior thinker, it will drive him absolutely crazy. Don't react or worse over react to his tauntings, because this is what he really wants from you, so that he can try to then intimidate you. Respectively tell him that you would be happy to get him a drink if he was unable to do so for himself, but since he is a big boy, you are confident he can succeed at the task of self-hydration. Don't be a smart-ass in front of your parents, though. Instead, when in front of the parents, you should oblige him happily and then immediately ask for a favor of equal consideration from him. If he refuses, then tell him that his lack of reciprocation is unfortunate and that if he chooses to maintain an unwillingness to be mutually interactive, you will likewise be forced to reverse your indulgences, until he esteems both you as his beloved sister and the virtue of recriprocation. Kill him only with kindness and wit, until he either ceases to be a pain in the ass or complies with your standards.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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