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Cyber Mate
My friend goes on teen chat rooms and shes 13. She met a guy on there and they swapped addies . He said he was 19 while on the chatroom thn on msn told her he was 27 but couldnt say that on there.They swapped number and they talk all the time. She had a very had life and was raped at a young age. Shes always been fairly depressed since. No one other than me knows about the rape but know she trustin this guy of the internet an awful lot. She goes to him with problems and such . Im worried i dont see how she cant see this guy cant be right in the head to click ojn a 13 yr old on a chtroom. Im worried and will not tell on her.I dont know how to stop her talkin to him Please help!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This is no doubt a dangerous situation. You have to act as a friend. You are right: if this guy is hanging out in chat rooms for 13 year olds, there is a huge chance that he's a predator. I urge you that if your friend won't listen to reason, tell an adult who will act. I know that you don't want to rat your friend out. I've been there before when a friend was putting themself in a dangerous situation. My suggestion is this: write her a letter and let her know that if she doesn't cut off contact with this guy that you will have no choice but to let someone know BECAUSE you love her and that you are afraid for her. She might get mad at first, but eventually she'll understand.
Also, have you tried maybe helping her focus her attention elsewhere? If you keep her busy otherwise she won't have as much time to spend online with this guy. Perhaps you could introduce her to a chat buddy (or better yet, a real guy friend) her own age?
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It may hurt ur friendship but you need to tell an adult!! She will probably be mad at you for awhile, but you would rather ur friend be mad at you then for her to get seriously hurt. In the end (it might take her awhile) she will thankyou.
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The first red flag goes up when the guy lied about his age. Why was an older guy on a young person's site that he had to lie to get into anyway. In fact he could be any age. We don't know him. You are her friend, so tell her that you are always open to talk about whatever she needs to. Most likely she already does this, and is online with this guy because she likes the male attention. She may feel grown up by talking with an older guy. This is potentially very dangerous for her. I doubt this guy is innocent and normally adult males do not TARGET young girls online to help them through life problems. You are smart to be suspicious and good to look out for her. Warn her gently that she should never give out personal info or plan to meet this stranger in real life. If she seems to be getting too involved or at risk, you should talk to your parents and hers for help.
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The reason he avoided giving his real age in the chat may have been because of the recent increase in police surveillance of chat rooms. I myself work for an agency that aim to protect young children online from online predators so I do understand your concern.
At the same time I also have to point out that someone with that kind of age difference talking is not illegal. You being worried is very much justified though because at the end of the day she doesn't know anything about him regardless as to how much he has told her. It could all be lies but on the other hand it might not be.
Online predators will target young persons who are depressed, stressed out and feel they have no one else to talk/turn to. They will try to gain the persons confidence and eventually from talking online they will move onto talking on the phone and then eventually, after a few months or so (or when they feel they have gained the persons absolute trust) attempt a meeting. Thus far this individual has followed the same m.o. as many others have done before.
If you don't wish to talk to an adult about this then I would strongly suggest you keep a close eye on your friend and what goes on with her and this new friend of hers. If you believe she is in danger though and that this guy could be any kind of risk to her I would suggest you do talk to an adult about this. This kind of thing was the exact reason the company I work for was formed and this shows just why it is necessary. :[
All this said, I do think I should point out that he may be nothing more than a samaritan wishing to genuinely help your friend. I've had friends as young as 12 and as old as 65 to talk to online and many (like the 12 year old I used to know) was like a sister to me because her older brother had passed away. This was many years ago but regardless my point is that it doesn't always take someone older to be a pervert. ANYONE is capable of being 'messed in the head' be it a 40 year old or a 14 year old. Either is very much capable. A perfect example would be one of my friends (who was 15 at the time) who had sent questionable pictures of herself to her online bf. When they broke up he started blackmailing her with those pictures.
Sorry for this very long reply. I believe if they both have nothing to hide and are not doing anything wrong then there's no reason to keep their friendship a secret but overall I'mafraid you know your friend better than anyone else so it may all come down to being your decision on what to do. Feel free to message me if you need any more help on this.
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