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Cheating... Can't Get Over What He Did
Well me and my fiance have been together for 2 years. When we first dated we went through some hard times. Well he cheated on me twice and since then we got back together and have been together for a year and a half since those incidents. But now that we took the relationship to the next level and are getting married, I am having the hardest time letting go of the past and what he did. I constantly bring it up and cry about it almost everyday. And it has been over a year! It is affecting our relationship alot, emotionally and sexually. Please help! What can I do to get over this?
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Marriage will only make this situation worse. You both are not ready for this commitment obviously. Being "in love" is only a fraction of what it takes to stay married. If you can't be friends who completely trust each other and believe the best about one another, you have no business even being engaged. I want to save you a life of regret here. You are starting to ask yourself the hard questions about the relationship and you know the answers. You do not trust him, and I can't tell you whether or not you should. I am guessing you should not, based upon his past behavior and your unease. Either way, the fact that you are not over the past and you don't trust him is enough to postpone or end the engagement. This relationship started bad, and will not magically get better. If he has not earned your trust after two years then when? If you honestly can't let it go it really is okay to let him go...I know you don't want to lose him, but he is not really the man you want if you want a man who never cheated on you. Something has to change. You either let go of your ideals or him. He does not fit with what you want and he will not want to be in a relationship that he cannot live up to, and will probably always feel he cannot be honest because he will be fearful of your judgement. You can't make it fit. Let go of something.
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You are not ready to be married to him until you can get over this. It's okay to be engaged, but if you have plans for a wedding cancel them right away no matter what. People these days are getting married much too quickly. That is why the divorce rate is so high. There is no reason to get married to him right now. Wait and get your relationship under control. If you jump the gun and get married the chances that it won't work out are much higher than if you were to wait and do it at a later time. I also suggest that if you want to stay with him that you get some type of counseling to help you through these problems. It could help you a lot. So, just tell him that you're not having doubts about the relationship and you'd like to remain engaged, but you're just not ready to be married just yet. The longer you wait to tell him this, the worse it's going to be. He may get disappointed and that's okay, but if he gets angry with you or gives you a hard time about it, you should seriously consider breaking up with him. As a man he needs to be able to respect your choices and not push you into doing something you are not ready for. If he can't do that, I'm sorry to say, but you really don't want anything to do with him. Good luck. <3
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Hey there! I know it's weird listening to a 16 year old who never went out with anyone before! BUT i will try and give you advice and it's your choice to listen to it or not! =) I don't know if it'll help but here's what i'm thinking!
You might not be ready to go to the next level with him....because he has cheated on you twice therefore he has lost some of your trust! You're not able to get over it because you don't fully trust him yet! I believe that a relationship is built through trust! Without trust, the relationship would never work! (Bear in mind i have no experience in this, so i might be wrong about this) I think you're also afraid that he might do it again...or maybe you're thinking that he might've done it and you didn't find out about it!
But also since you asked this question, it shows that you really WANT to trust him because you love him so much! You really WANT to get over it so you can move on and get married!!
Well, to move on you need to trust him completely again! He has to earn your trust back! The past is the past and it has happened! No one can change it! We're not perfect people and everybody makes mistakes! But we are meant to learn from these mistakes...I think that you should spend more time with him, in order for you to trust him. Go out more, talk more, ask yourself do you believe that he truly loves you to the extent that he wouldn't look away to another woman? Do you feel loved when you're around him? (Hopefully yes...hence he's your fiance now) Do you think you will be happy spending the rest of your life with him?
Plus people change, he might've learned from his mistake...he might be serious now about the relationship and so he took it to the next level and proposed..!! =D (I hope that's the case)
Anyways I don't know if it helps! Hope it does! Tell me what you think, and tell me what you're going to do! If you need anything else, ask away! =D take care!! <3
EDIT: i completely agree with sizzlinmandolin.....this person sounds like he/she knows what they're talking about...anyways best of luck!! <3 =D
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Its all on you, if you believe people change then you should be fine and not worry about it. Now me on the other hand I belive once a cheater always a cheater, if he loved you so much he wouldnt of did it in the first place, and I would never take someone back if they cheated on me... but it your opinion, and Im just here trying to help--Hope I did
----Melanie
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