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Divorce
I have been married for 8 years & for certain reasons have fallen out of love with my husband. Sometimes I even hate him. This is been going on for a while now. He knows I don't love him anymore & I want a divorce. The problem is he is threatening suicide & begging & pleading with me to stay & claims he can't live without me! This is driving me even more crazy. How can I make a clean break like this? How do I go about getting out when he is acting this way? Any words of advice would be a big help. Thanks.
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well, the classic answer is COUNSELING.
and you have not fallen out of love. Probably you would still care for him or be patient.
anyways.. sometimes you just have to pack your bags and leave...
You can't feel guilty if he does something stupid to himself...
Do u have a stable job??
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My dad did the same thing, he is just trying to manipulate you, I can almost guarantee he won't commit suicide. Ignore him completely. Get Caller ID or a new phone number, change your email address and locks (if you don't live together), make it so he has no way to contact you. Get a good lawyer (ask friends for recommendations) so that you don't have to deal with him yourself, it's really worth it.
Finally, call him and tell him you are filing for divorce, it will be much easier over the phone. If neccessary hang up after saying it, don't let him manipulate you. One of you will need to move out, do whatever you need to do. Get a restraining order if neccessary.
I would also recommend counseling, living with someone like that for 8 years can really mess you up. You probably won't be able to make a complete clean break but things will get better over time.
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Has he always been manipulative? That is what the threats of suicide are really about...not that he won't be desperate enough to actually do it, but it is more likely just a way to manipulate your emotions. If you have a pattern of falling for men that are controlling, you will first need to get counseling before dating anyone else. Breaking up with him will only give you a break from him. It will not take back the last 8 years of your life, which you likely resent spending with him. It will not give you a clean slate or make you feel whole and fresh. It may leave you to face problems within yourself that are bigger demons than your failing marriage. Can you handle that? Can you accept resposibility for your life and mistakes and your part in choosing this man that you are now dissapointed with? I want you to be even harder on yourself than I am being, asking the toughest questions of yourself. Consider the possibility that you are sick and tired of living with the consequences of your own decisions and that you resent yourself for getting into this situation where you feel trapped. This realization will help to free you of the hate that you feel, the hate that is eroding your power and sense of self. When we blame others, it gives away our personal power and the opportunity to take control back of our life. Forget him for a while. This really is not about divorce or marriage at the moment. It is about you. Tell him that you will not make any more threats of divorce and that he is to make no more threats of suicide. If you at some date from now decide to divorce it will happen anyway, but don't threat. Take a tip from Yoda. Don't try, just do. Do something positive for your own self, health and growth everyday. Don't blame him or anyone else. Just concentrate on you. Be loving to yourself. Things will change for you and you won't be trapped. Your husband will no longer be able to keep you going in this cycle of negative fighting or emotion ups and downs, because you are withdrawing your focus from him to yourself. Your power and energy are going to be on being and becoming your best self. Get into therapy if you can, and give yourself your best.
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I personally believe that everyone involved in divorce loses something(kids are forced to live between two homes, hearts are broken, feelings are hurt). I don't think you can make a clean break in a divorce that isn't mutual. Sure he's going to beg and plead for you to stay. He's just love-sick. Maybe once the divorce is finalized and you've been separated for awhile, he'll move on. Time is great medicine. I only suggest getting a restraining order if he starts getting really strange (stalking you, harassing you, etc.).
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All I can really say is if you really honestly do want to take a clean break from this relationship and get a divorce you need to go ahead and do it. By saying he will kill himself etc, etc, etc he is doing nothing but keeping you trapped in a place where you don't want to be. It will just make getting out a lot harder. This is just something he will need to come to terms with and, more importantly, deal with. If you fear he might be at risk of harming himself because of your decision then letting the relevant services know would be a good idea (I'm not sure exactly who that would be but I would think it's the emergency services or even the local police station as they may even have someone go out every so often to check up on him). If it turns out he is serious about his threat of self harm he will be forced to seek professional help to deal with things.
It may sound cold hearted but don't let him hold you back or trap you especially if you know deep down this is what you want. If you do you will be unhappy knowing you are with a person you don't want to be with at a plce you don't want to be.
I'm sorry that I can't really be of more help with this.
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