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She's addicted to shopping...
This might be long....but anyway: My parents moved into a house this past summer--a bigger house, that NO BODY but my mom wanted to move into. Okay, so she got her way. That's fine.
Now, a new house needs new things, according to her logic. It seems like almost every time I visit there is new STUFF just piling up; new furniture, new accessories. And it doesn't stop at the house. Ever since I was a kid, she'd buy me new clothes even when I didn't ask. Many of you would think that's gerat, and that I shouldn't complain. But really, I don't NEED the clothes, and I know it's just a manifestation of her shopping addiction. She doesn't splurge millions like a movie star, but I'm still starting to get concerned. It seems like almost every time I see her, she's just bought new things. I don't know if I'm in the minority that doesn't care too much for shopping...but really, how can I bring it to her attention that her behavior is actually destructive? And at the very least, how can i let her know that i really don't want her to buy me new clothes all the time?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
We all fill our empty places with stuff. Shopping, drinking, working, sex, food, approval, drugs, fighting, college degrees, exercise, porn, tobacco, chocolate, good deeds, etc. Some of these things are considered okay to overdo in our society...like being a workaholic, being successful, rich, and educated. Some are considered harmless, and some frowned upon. Truly it is wise to ask ourselves not just about the objects or activities of our affection or addiction, but why we need such in the first place. The more harmless the object or activity seems, the less likely we are to question it, and the truth we are covering up stays under the radar of public scrutiny. Without being hypocritical, you should be concerned not about the shopping itself, but the deeper issue of what the shopping is satisfying in her life. We all have a pacifier in our life, so don't think you are an exception. She may be lonely, bored, or any number of things. Logic has nothing to do with our emotional needs, so don't even try to argue with her about shopping. It has little or nothing to do with the actual items bought, which lose their value quickly as the material reveals its ineffectuality to satisfy. The physical world and everything in it cannot fill the void of one human soul. Love her.
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Is there a dad in the picture?
If so, talk to him about your feelings and concerns about your mom.
Shopping addiction is a illness and used as a substitute for lacking control of one's own life and some kind of unfulfilled emptiness. It's a momnetary fix.
Talk to your dad whether they are married now or not. The both of you can help get control of this together with team effort.
If not a dad, then sit and talk to your mother and tell her not to buy you anything that you will refuse to accept it from now on and leave it at her house and do not take it! Simple.
Tell your mom that you feel she is substituting shopping for another problem and ask her what is bothering her. Maybe talking will bring it to the surface, maybe talking will help her acknowledge her problem, and maybe lead to seeing a therapist.
Hey, she's your mom and there's nothing to loose and everything to gain...
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Maybe you should tell her that her actions worry you. You always have a future to think about and the best way to make money is to save money.
Let her know that if she has an adiction, maybe it would be better for her to spend that energy of hers into some investments.
Does she work? Does she have a lot of money?
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