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hey. ok my problem is that my parents give me noooooo freedom. They won't even let me go to the mall alone!!!!! I always confront them but they never listen. I am getting really fed up with them. I don't know what to do. Green day is going on tour and all my friends are going and i really want to but my parents wont let me because they think they swear too much. What should I do besides talking to them because that doesnt help!

Heya,
Confronting your parents most likely won't help. Sit down with them and have a quiet, controlled chat. Tell them that you are mature enough and will be with enough people to be responsible and take care of yourself. If they can't trust you, then that's their problem, and you should tell them so. If you have given them no reason to doubt you, then it's not fair and they need to know how you feel - but don't yell that to them, or they will just think you're being bratty or 'like a teenager'. You need to earn their trust - start with little things before something as huge as a Greenday concert, such as the mall. Get them to drop you off outside and you can meet up with your friends inside. You can even text them when you get inside to say that your friends are there and everything is OK. Be outside to be picked up right on time or even early and it may show them that you are responsible and can be trusted.
I hope it works!! Remember there's no point arguing because it'll just make them angry!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My parents got divorced and i'v been living with my mom, brother, and step-dad for over a year. I feel really bad for my dad because he lives alone and seems lonley. I think he should get a pet too bt he works and say`s he wouldn`t be able to take care of it and stuff. I think i want to live with my dad, but if i do i know my mom will cry and get alll upset.. :/ what should i do or say?! Plez help

You should only live with your dad if YOU want to - not because you feel sorry for him. That would make you resent him and the whole relationship would be pretty false because it isn't built on an actual want for living with each other, but because you feel sorry for him. Your Mum would most likely be upset, and you're a lovely person for considering everyone's feelings here, but you really have to think about yourself and where you are going to be happy. You don't want to waste years of your life being miserable!!
Do you visit your father a lot? If not, could you? You could do for the holidays or at weekends. And even if that isn't possible, emailing him/writing to him/calling him up once a week or so will help to cheer him up a little :)
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hey i work as a cashier at a grocery store for 6 hours a day. it gets really boring and i feel like screaming!! can anyone please give me some helpful hints to get through the day without wanting to scream?( its so boring and i need help passing the time..)

Hmm...that's a hard one!
I guess you could listen to music with one earphone in? Or if you are in to excersizing or whatever you could tap and stretch your legs under the desk. You could make cheesy comments to as many people as you can and see who laughs? Or make a big mark on your face (if you're really desperate) and see if anyone points it out? You could read magazines under the desk or keep a pen and paper to hand and doodle, write messages to your friends, or write shopping lists for you to buy stuff when you get out of work (i.e. the bets item from everyone's shopping so you can go out and buy all the yummy stuff :P). If you prefer having lots of customers, then scan stuff quickly and people will get to know you do that and more will come to you and you will see and talk to more customers in a day. If you like having less customers, then be slow about it. If someone takes a long time to pack and you have scanned everything, you could help them pack...?
Are your till screen things computers? Or just tills? If they're computers then you could surf the net or chat to other friends at work.
Hope that helped a little!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Yes, I realize these questions are asked ad infintum, but here we go.

I am 17, as is my girlfriend. We have only been dating for about 3 weeks, but we have already established a strong bond. I'm working on Valentine's Day itself, so I'm attempting to come up with an idea of what to do on whatever day we both have off that is closest to it. I know that I would like to take her out to eat, but what else? Shall I bring chocolates to give? A picture frame?

Also, she usually comes in to see me when I'm at work and she isn't, and Valentine's Day probably won't be an exception. Should I have something to give to her there?

I doubt she's expecting much of anything, so I would like to surprise her. Give your opinions, plz kthx - K'

Chocolates are sweet but not always such a good idea - they're not very original and she might not want to eat them because they're too fattening :P
Flowers are slightly better (unless she's allergic!) - try and find out from friends what her fave flower is?
Is there any way you could take her somewhere special during the day (e.g. a sunset over the beach, on a hill (lol, providing you can get up there!), even on a balcony or through a window)?
Do you have any photos of you two together? If you do (even if it's not many), you could always start off a photo album with them and leave a note saying something like 'I hope we can keep filling this up with pics' or whatever.
Just find something that she would really like - the more personal and unique, the better. For example, if she has rose perfume, buy her some rose scented candles. If she likes dogs, get her a cuddly toy dog. If she likes teddies, try and find one of those special teddy shops (such as The Bear Factory) where you can choose the clothes and colour of the bear and even put a voice box in it with a special recorded message (they're suprisingly cheap). If she likes writing, buy her a pretty note book and pen (or tomboyish, sophisticated, whatever her style is).
A photo frame - with a photo of you guys in - like you suggested is a nice idea too :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok i know this one girl who ive known since last year we sat at the same lunch table, then this year we have spanish together..were not close but we do talk here and there. she went out with guy danny whos in 11th grade and they recently broke up after 6 months or so. my other friend had met him in a chat and they talk and so on, and anyways we were going to the mall on saturday and so we went. we come back and shes at my house waiting for her mom to pick her up so were talking to him on-line n seemed nice. so after she left we started talking and all, i seem a lil into him i dk, i saw him be4 like once or twice with the girl who went out with him. i just found out that he was in my lunch last sem and all so i kinda knew who he wasnt, i just never saw him only the back or something when the 2 were leavin the caf. i dont know if hes into me or something i never actually met him or anything, but im affaird to accept if he ever asks me out since i have friends who were friends with who he went out with, plus i also know her as well. then today my other friend who was over my house saturday night says she was confused and i asked why and she said bc she "bc i have a bf and i also like danny a lil" and i said "o0o the one from other night on-line?" and she said "yeah" and i just went "o0o" and she asked "y?" and i just said "j/w" and now i dk what to do, bc i dont want to hurt either of them if he ever asks me, which i know he would never do ask me but u never know.

-o n my friend moved so she doesnt go to our school anymore, though i am...i also dk about his ex who im some what friends with who does go to our school..thx

~i know its long n a lil confusing sry

(btw he is in 11th (which i meantioned) and me n the 2 girls r in 9th)

Hiya,
This Danny guy...I wouldn't risk anything for him, definately not right now. You don't even know him (and people's online personalities are so very different from their real life ones...), so if you think you're into him, you could be proved very wrong. Remember not to focus on what 'could be' with this guy. That will end up with you giving him qualities his doesn't have and making him better than he is in your imagination, so that if you two do ever go out, you'll be disappointed.
'When you're in love you'll know' is one of the most annoying yet truthful sayings around. You're not sure about this guy, so you don't love him. I don't think you'll be missing out on anything - except maybe losing some friends - if you let him go. What's more important to you - your friends or one guy you don't know?
If you get to know him very well and still like him in a while then go for it, but not until then...besides, if and when that happens, everyone will have had enough time to get over him, if that makes sense, so there won't be any 'barriers' in your way.
Maybe talk to your friends about this?? It'll help to 'confess' to someone :)
Blessed Be and good luck!,
Rach xxx

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Okay! My I have two best friends. One is a gurl named Nichole who is more like my sister and then there is my best friend Dylan. He and I have been best friends for about a year and half now. For about a year I have been growing feelings for him and he fell in love with me. But about a month ago he and I got in this really big fight and he said some really mean things about me, so ever since that fight my best friend nichole has hated his guts, but he wants to go out with me. She thinks that he doesn’t deserve me because of the way he treated me and I kind of think that but at the same time I think that everyone deserves a chance. We dated from jan 26- jan 29 then I broke up with him…but that’s a different story why I did that.. Now he wants to get back with me, but I don’t know if I should give him a second chance. My best friend nichole is pretty much right, like he treats me good but at the same time he is like kind of controlling. Like he wants me not to drink with my guy friends, only him bc he doesn’t trust me when im drunk, yet I have never given him a reason not to trust me. What do I do? Give him a second chance or not? I don’t think I should have to change anything about myself, bc he said that he loves everything about me. What do I do? Please help me. I rate 5’s!


*sami

ps..my best friend nichole told me that if I date him she is going to be very disspointed in me and I don’t want that.

If he loves you, he will be with you WHATEVER and not be 'controlling' - he will let you be you. If he does love everything about you, you wouldn't be having arguements. (But proper couples have arguments, I'm just pointing out that he could be spouting out a load of crap at you). You should NEVER EVER have to change yourself for a guy!! I personally don't think he deserves a second chance but this isn;t about my opinion - take a step back and really ask yourself what you want. Nichole (as a bff) or Dylan (as a bf)? Because it really does sound like you will have to chose between them. Remember that the grass isn;t always greener on the other side, and if you and Dylan break up then things may be ruined with Nichole forever, and you won't be able to have a proper friendship with Dylan again. It's so easy to believe that you're in love if you want to be...don't fall into that trap.
Why did you break up with him? If it's something that could happen again, or because you don't love him, etc etc etc, then don't go out with him again. Make sure that history can't repeat itself if you do go out with him.
Also remember that, however little you want them to, relationships very, very often end (after all, there is only one 'til death us do part' guy, compared to a lot of 'til argument do us part' guys). Friendships are forever.
Good luck and really really think about your choice before you make it!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I need help QUICK!! Im getting my braces tightened for the first time tomorrow and I know to expect pain but how much? And do they hurt WHILE he's tightening them or AFTER hes done? Should I take advil first? Will i be able to eat/chew food afterwards? How long does it take for him to tighten them? Thanks ill rate high!!

I know I'm a little late to answer, lol, but hopefully this might help for next time -
It doesn't hurt too much, although it will be pretty sore the next day, depending on how tight they are being made. It won't hurt any more than when you first had it done, anyway.
Clear do go the colour of your food, but only usually if you eat green stuff or have a strongly coloured mouthwash. Pink is a nice colour (pale) and pale pink and blue look really nice - almost silver - together. NEVER go for green or orange!! White make your teeth look yellow. Red stand out a lot but do make your teeth look very white. I have baby pink and I love them :) (Well, the colour, but definately not the wire, lol!!) Pastel colours are best.
Nurofen, advil, paracetamol etc, won't help because the braces are always on your teeth - they'll help a little but hardly any. Think of it as being hit in the head constantly with a hammer - if you take pain killers, the pain won't go away because the hammer is still there.
Pain will last a maximum of three days, I reckon...mine lasts for two and most people's only lasts a day. Drinking soup through a straw (or dunking crisps/chips in it) is a good food to eat when your teeth hurt, as are biscuits dunked in tea or coffee. Waffles (the potato kind) are good too :) Hang on in there!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx
P.S. Can I do a bit of role-reversal and ask you a question here? Lol. Do your braces come lose a lot, like the wire at the back? Mine do all the time and it's really bugging me :S
Oooh, and ask your ortho/hygienist if you can have a special braces toothbrush if you don't already - they really help, as they are a lot softer than normal brushes and help to stop the wire coming off and stuff.

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err y is it that when love comes around that i always end up getting hurt...i really dont get it...i mean i think im doing what i think is right..maybe im not...what should i do...

Just be yourself and don't expect too much from your relationships :) You'll find someone great real soon, don't push it - love will find you when you least expect it, but if you chase it, it evades you likes anything. Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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thak you for all your help in my life and also your support it will really help me with my bizzare life(unfortanety its because of me thats its bizzare)anywho thanks and please contiue with your great advice and never lose hope


energized and hopeful
Solemnstar

Aww, thanks loads!! :D
Peace!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I cut myself and im trying to stop but I can't stop for a long time.. How can I stop?

Heya,
I'm not a cutter myself so I can't offer any guaranteed 'cure', and I have heard that different things work for different people, so it's pretty much a question of trying anything and everything that could help you.
By you saying you can't stop 'for a long time', I gather you do stop sometimes? If so, I would keep trying to stop that way...and when it gets hard, think through what you are feeling (don't just label it 'anger' or 'depression', really think about what's behind that) and why. Try and figure out what is making you so unhappy and get it out of your life if you can.
To make yourself generally happier, try making a list of all the good things that happen in a day, and when you want to cut, think of how happy you are when you achieve a goal of not cutting for a month, for example. Every time that you don't cut, give yourself a reward you will love - chocolate is a very good example, as is sunbathing in the summer, because sun and chocolate both help your body to produce endorphins, the 'happy hormones'. All you can really do is talk through how you're feeling every time you want to cut (even if it's only to a diary) and give yourself a little reward every time you don't :)
Also try thinking of things you DO want to do, rather than don't.
For example - don't think, 'I DON'T want to cut', think, 'I want to stop cutting', or, 'I want to be able to go swimming in the summer holidays without being worried about all my scars'.
I hope I helped and that you feel happier soon!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok well i have alot of sinuses these days and when ever i blow my nose lots of blood comes out! my nose bled 4 times in one day! Is it normal?

Hey,
I'm not a doctor or anything so I'm really not sure, but if it hasn't happened to you before and you haven't heard of it happening, then I'd say no. Go to your doctor or GP and get checked out...it may just be that because you're blowing your nose a lot, it's become sore and irritated, but it could be something more serious, so please go and get it checked out!!
In the mean time, drink LOTS of water as it can help to prevent sinus problems or keep them under control :)
Good luck and I hope everything is OK!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok this might start off sounding bad... but I dont mean it to at all! Ok well last year I didnt have very many friends... it was my frosh year and I was kinda-sorta friends with a lot of people i didnt really like, but i hung out with them because i had no one else ya know (it was my frosh year at a new HS). Ok well this year Ive really been able to have fun with the "popular" group of people. I like them a lot and we seem to get along better. Well we arent as tight as i wish we were and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. Also: people think i just want to become popular and thats why ive just started hanging out them. But really it isnt true. But sometimes i feel like i'm INTRUDING on the "popular" group because we havent been friends as long as all of them have. PLEASE DONT SAY "dont care about what they think" because I cant help it.. i try not to but it still bothers me!
*please help! I'll rate good!*
UOcheerbabe

Unfortunately, popular people don't tend to have as close a group of friends as everyone else...this is usually because they don't NEED their friends - they're so popular they can go and find someone else, but the unpopular people cling to each other because they need each other when there's no-one else (and often because the genuinely like each other :P). All you can really do is hang around and hope things get better - be yourself! You wouldn't be 'allowed' to hang around with these people if they didn't genuinely like you, so no worries there :)
Maybe you could suggest kind of...'day trips' out for all of you, like all of you go down to the town centre together and pick out ridiculous outfits and laugh at each other, or go to McDonald's together, or to the cinema? You could even book a hotel suite together and have a really extravagant sleepover type thing - it wouldn't be too expensive with a lot of you paying!! Find out something that you all enjoy and go for it!
Although be careful not to get one person on their own - although it may seem good to get to know them individually, asking one or two of them to go shopping or whatever with you will just make it seem to the others like you're trying to take them away from the group. Give it a few months until they all really trust you :)
And congrats on finding a bunch of friends you're happy with!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok my mom always nags on me and well her mood swings off and on from happy to sad to angry... its driving me insane!!! how do i make her stop nagging me about stuff that i do wrong or what i didnt do... plz help!!!
i rate :)

Heya,
My mum is exactly the same and short of talking to her (which usually just gets my mum angry) there's nothing you can do...
Although, when she's ranting at you, it may just be that she's having a tough time over something and you're the only one there to blame. Usually if I just keep quiet and don't get angry back at my mum then her 'moods' last for a shorter time than if I yell back or tell her how unfair she's being.
Hope that helped a little! Sorry there's nothing more I could say!
Ooh, but if you're angry, try the whole 'turn your back and count to ten' thing to try and calm yourself down, and if that doesn't work, then go and punch some pillows - very theraputic and a lot of fun!! :D
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I asked you a question previoulsy and your advice really helped my decision making but i do have another question.Is it unnormal to ask my friends to refer to me as Solemnstar not to sound cool or anything (though now that i think about it it does) but for my selfbelifs and to help my desisions as i have recently become unsure about who i am and what life is supposed to be about thank you
Solemnstar

Hey,
I think that a lot of people would see it as weird, but I personally think you're really brave to be out there trying to figure out who you are and what you're all about :) Most people never even try, so good luck with it!!
Your friends will probably have mixed reactions, but if you explain your reasons to them, they will most likely come to accept it...after a while, calling you Solemnstar will become 2nd nature to them. Be prepared for it to be shortened to 'ss' or 'star' or something else though!!
Whatever you believe in, go for it. If being called Solemnstar will help you to find yourself, then go for it!! Hardly any one realises it, but one of the most important things in this life is to know and understand who you are, and to like yourself...because, if you can't, who can you like?
Everyone goes through a stage of not knowing who they are. The trick is to not let it bug you too much...just let it come naturally. You can't 'find yourself' overnight - I've been trying for three years and I'm only just beginning to realise what being me means.
Good luck with it and feel free to email me/ask me something else any time!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Me and my ex have been apart for about a month now and i miss him liks soo much its crazy, i play love songs all the time and its so stressful.. he said we would get back together but i wanna know when but he said he didnt kno he needs some time.. but i havent talked tohim about it n a while and i wanna know if he still feels the same way i do... I juss.. Miss him alot :*( what do i do

Hey,
You've really got to talk to this guy and ask him how he's feeling and tell him that either he tells you what's going on, or you won't be there when he comes back. It's not fair on you at all to be kept in the dark about this...
Talk to him over IM or the phone or a letter if it's too difficult for you to speak in person.
You'll feel better eventually :) There's unfortunately no kind of 'get over him' instant remedy, but for now just hang on in there - time is a great healer :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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what do i do when i cant make myself happy ne more... im at a point where i battle myself everyday to see if im goin to do the things i love... the things i love arent even makin me happy... and i just got broken up with by the one i guy i really thought i could trust and found out that all i was to him was some chick he could own... how do i get through... where am i suppose to turn to... how can i make myself happy... when i cry over everything that is goin wrong? what do i do? who can i turn to when my best friends dont know waht im going through?

Hey,
Give yourself some time out to cry and really think over just what's going on in your life and WHY you aren't happy. Once you've figured it out, it might be easier to make it better. As for the things you love not making you happy, well...if you're life's pretty bad at the moment then you probably don't care about them so much any more, or they seem unimportant compared to what you're going through. Take some time out on them, or if you can't, try not to expect too much of them. If you're really down, doing something you love may not always bring you right back up, and if it doesn't you could grow to resent it. Hold out on them and come back to them/come back to trying to enjoy them when you're feeling better in your life :)
And you should tell your friends what's going on...they won't be mean or do anything horrible...if they're your friends, they'll just want to help :)
And how to feel happier...there isn't any kind of magic cure that can make you suddenly sit up one day and think, 'I'm happy!'. But, talking about your problems (even if it is only to a diary), making a list of all the good things that have happened in a day/that you have to look forward to, generally chilling out and listening to some of your favourite movies, and getting lots of sunlight and chocolate (they produce a 'happy hormone') will help :D
I hope things get lots better for you soon!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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what is a quick way to earn money? besides ponning, stripping, or prostitution. 15/f i need money quick. I've already done work for my mom and her boyfriend, but they have run outta things for me to do. I have a good bit of money saved up, but i need hell of a lot more.. any suggestions would help. Thanks! (I'll rate high)

Hey!
You could do car washing down your street, baby sitting around your street, do people's shopping for them and ask for a couple of pounds for the favour, get a job (e.g. in a hairdressers, cafe, doing a paper round...), do some dog walking for the people in your street, have a car boot sale and sell off all your old toys, CDs, videos etc etc etc, save up all of your like loose change (1ps, 2ps etc) and put it into a money box then get it changed into notes at the bank when you have enough...anything!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Usually my friend and i dont fight at all...but lately shes been ..pissing me off a bit. .Lately..idk shes been moody and i dont like it. It was like she didnt appreciate that i was driving her somewhere...the ride was late. She was only concerned wit her plans for later..going to a game. I guess im aggrivated with her..how can i get over this aggrevation? I dont think i want to confront her because that would be making a big deal about things..what can i do?

It might be better to make a slightly big deal out of things now rather than to wait and let things get worse so that it's made into a huge deal...
You should talk to her, but don't confront her - she'll feel like she's being attacked. She could just be going through a bad time at home right now, so be there for her and do your best to ignore anything annoying she does. If it's more than one thing, only talk to her about one of the issues - otherwise, she'll think she's being attacked (again). Try and get her to talk about what's going on, but don't force it - just make sure that she knows you're there when you need her. Try talk to another friend about her in the meanwhile, so that you aren't bottling it all up.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Me and my best friend have been best friends for a while, but now that i got a boyfriend, she is acting all weird, and trying to prove herself to me. She told me she didnt like me going out with someone, and i dont know what to tell her, or what to do, because i dont want to break up with my boyfriend, so what do i do to make her ok w/ me again???

Just give her some time :) She's probably just jealous that you have found someone and she hasn't. She'll get over it - or learn to hide it - soon enough. And if she doesn't, you need to talk to her and say how much you miss how things used to be between you guys!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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okay i think i may like a guy...the bad thing is he is a freshman and im a junior i know i said this to my self a thousand of times that i would never date a freshman but he is really nice, sweet, cute and all of the above things that guys could be...i mean what should i do...im really confuzed on this one can any one help me...

OK, first you've got to ask yourself WHY you won't ever date a freshman...then ask yourself if that is worth losing this guy over. Age means nothing where love is concerned :) Don't let the chance to love someone pass you by! Ask him out - what do you have to lose?
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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