Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 153

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

128798

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

what is the formula of ssd solution chemical?

silver(I) sulfadiazine formula:

C10H9AGN4O2S

or you can get info like this on your own by usinf same search engine I did: www.wolframalpha.com and put in the same question. That way in case you have more of mathematical, science and formula related questions, thats the place to go.

22/f, 28/m

My boyfriend is a slob. And I mean it's terrible. I have dated guys who were organized and were clean. They cleaned up after themselves, etc. This is the first guy I have ever dated to be this messy. How messy? I'll try to give you the gist of it without ending up venting.

He has a pile of random crap (papers, napkins, receipts) in the corner of his room. His dog even comes in, looks at the pile and tries to avoid it by laying elsewhere. He was unable to find his nail clippers once, and I found it under a napkin in that pile. The bathroom is a mess, the kitchen has food stains on the counters, another pile of papers in the corner, and the dirty dishes keep piling up, even after I wash them. He has a laundry basket, that's empty and his laundry sits OUTSIDE of the laundry basket on the floor. His closet is a mess, his clothes and scarves are on the floor. The only things that are hanging are his suits. There are papers, receipts, random stuff all over his house, dressers, etc. A particular room that was supposed to be his "office" are filled with empty cardboard boxes, random things stacked on top of each other, and cluttered crap all over the floor.

Yes. I am the one who cleans up after him. Yes, I have spoken to him about it before. I told him I don't think I could marry someone who was this messy and he got slightly better, but not really. I've even dedicated a day for us to clean his house. He agrees but eventually tries to get out of it by hoping he has other plans with his friends or he uses the bathroom for 30 minutes while I wash the dishes. When I decide to vacuum while he starts on the kitchen, he organizes a pile of papers in the kitchen and sits in the living room to take a break. Earlier, I suggested we go to the container store and buy something for him to organize his papers in any way he'd like. He said he'd rather "un-clutter" and temporarily store them in boxes before going to the container store. I asked him, "why not go to the container store, de-clutter, and organize them at the same time?" and he said, "no."

If he has a system I don't see it. If he wants to do things on his own, I don't see it happening. He gets annoyed when I lecture him. And I'm tired of cleaning up after him. The tip of the ice berg was when I was showering, I noticed that his body washed spilled all over my conditioner bottle. I bought him that body wash and I informed him that because he didn't close the bottle and it was on the side it spilled in the bath tub, etc. He doesn't believe that it did if there was some left... Even though there's evidence in the bath tub.

He keeps saying that he'll get around to doing his chores but he never does. When I leave him for a day to do his thing at his house, he doesn't make much improvement. Maybe wash the dishes and vacuum (which is something I already do). Otherwise; he doesn't do much.

I know it's his house, but I'm at his house about 5-6 days/week. And I hate being in a living situation like this. My friend thinks I should "go on strike" but I don't think that would help. I mean, he's the guy, in the past five years, apparently hasn't organized or cleaned his plastic bins--he throws random stuff in the those bins. I even found random Starbucks cups in them. I just never thought someone ever thought to themselves, "oh, no! I'm in a rush. I need to get rid of this." and throw the a coffee cup in a bin of receipts, papers, and documents.

What should I do? Any advice? Thanks in advance.

Its time for you to make a list of what you are looking for in a guy to help you decide if he is really what you want. I understand the heart can get attached to and have feelings for a person but if there are things about the other that would aggravate you your entire life, then its best not to go there. Also, we can only expect a person to be as good as we know them to currently be and be able to be okay with that cus the truth is, most people do not make major changes in their lifetime for any improvement and there is nothing another person can do to change someones bad habits. That desire needs to come from deep within the individual, the desire to change must be inside him.

So what you need is a list of NEEDS and a list of WANTS in a guy. To explain, a list of Needs would be something that if it was missing in his life, then it would be a dealbreaker as to ever become or continue to be the guys girlfriend. Heres an example of a deal breaker. The guy is adamant about never wanting kids and the girl wants to have kids, you are at loggerheads as there is no compromise in some situations, you can't have half a kid and both be happy. Another bad mix might be a great difference in belief systems or religion. for example a Christian with an Atheist and the Christian will tend to want to covert their partner due to fearing for the persons soul and not being able to see them again after death. those beliefs run deep and it can bring great anguish to both if one assumed they could always change this about their partner later.

Now, a Wants list is something that would be nice to have, a preference but its okay, you can live without it. Some of mine was that the guy have long hair, likes to dance. Well I got the long hair but he doesn't dance. And as much as I like dancing, I can live without it.
In your position, the way to look at this is, is his cleanliness a need or want for you. If a want, that means you wish he was clean and organized but if he wasn't and never in his life changed and got better, you are able to live with that, live in the clutter and do your best to clean up after him for life as quickly as he makes the mess. Now consider you decided that was okay. Its years later and you have a child or two by him, kids who make messes too. It would be a full time job in itself to just clean up two children plus an adult who acts like a child in this area. Are you willing to be his mother and clean up after him for life if he was not going to change. If you are okay with that, then stay with him. Otherwise, this uncleanliness item needs to go in the column listed NEEDS or dealbreakers. If you have more deal breaker than you have the Needs things that a guy matches for you, then he is not the right one for you.

What you feel now in love and adoration for him will slowly be chipped away at over the years by the things that you knew going in would irritate you, rob you of your peace of mind, things about him that might be harmful to the relationship, etc... And over time, the love you once had for him is no longer evident, you feel nothing and want out and break up years down the road, perhaps with kids now. I know about going the long haul with someone really wrong for you. I stayed 30 yrs and thru 3 kids. Eventually I left as the stress of it all was literally killing me slowly. the stress of a bad relationship partner has to go somewhere and its outlets are mental, emotional or physical. I kept my head on and stable mentally but the stress went into my physical body, resulting in headaches, migraines, ulcers and skin rashes that kept occurring due to my stress level.

Just guessing here, but is a place to live, a concern in this mix? YOu say you are there 5-6 days a week. Are you needing a place to live instead of living with parents? If so, think hard about that. Are you willing to settle for less, just to have a place to live currently. If you do have your own place, then you do have a choice whether to live with clutter and garbage or have a clean home. A place of clutter and garbage is also not safe for children. So you might want to consider never having kids if you love him enough to want to stay with him despite how much this bugs you.
If you think about stuff like Fen Shui and other such ideas about ones living space, I do have to agree, that a home will reflect what is going on inside a person, its an extension of them. So if his home is cluttered, something is cluttering him up on the inside, there are stuck energies, issues or problems he has that he has successfully hidden so far from you but will come out in the end. Also, if a person without mental or emotional clutter inside them, comes to live in an environment that is cluttered, dirty and disorganized, it can have a bad effect on them. My ex created lots of clutter. I tried to keep things clean but the extra effort I had to put out to keeping things clean and teaching the kids who'd say, but dAD doesnt do that, was wearing on me mentally. I lost my will power to even try to keep things neat, I felt so depressed and hopeless at times that I gave up and let things go out of control. Depression can do that. And so, until I left him, I forgot what it was like to live in an environment that was healthy for my mind soul and spirit. These are all things you need to consider in making your decision to stay with him or leave him. If your decision is to stay with him, then so be it, but considering that a neat person goes to live with a slob, that tells me the neat person may have some things they need to learn in this lifetime that they won't unless they subject their-selves by choice to such a living arrangement and relationship. I learned something from my abusive marriage but it took me almost 30 yrs of marriage to learn before I left him. Once you learn the thing you need to learn, then you will in the end leave him, not to escape the situation, but because the situation is no longer needed as you've learned your lesson from it and in my case, the ex was the catalyst for me to gain personal growth. Staying longer after learning ones lesson will take a person backwards and will result in the death or removal of one or the other so the mate can continue to learn and grow as an individual, something that can no longer be done with that one person.

I listen to:

Emo: first wave bands, but also new bands considered emo such as Bvb, Falling in reverse, sleeping with sirens, panic at the disco, fall out boy mcr bmth

Screamo: Asking Alexandria, Orchid (not to be confused with the metal one), Pierce The Veil, Alesana, I Set My Friend's on Fire

Punk: Bad Religion, Rise Against (i think?????), Sex Pistols, Ramones, Dead Kennedys

Indie rock: Imagine Dragons, Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes

Alternative rock: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Muse

And Pink Floyd

Those aren't all of them but I'm not naming every band on my play list. Anyway I'm also 12 going in 7th grade i think I'm 4'11 so I'm wondering where i can buy them other than hot topic i am not paying $20 for a t shirt?

I dont wear much tee shirts so for local walk in stores, I'd have no idea but i did a search on line. You can too by using 'discount band tee shirts' as your search criteria.

Heres one with band tees that are more in your price range but It didnt seem to be alphabetical so I can't say any of your choices are in there but its worth your time to look thru.

http://www.aliexpress.com/w/wholesale-band-t-shirts.html?site=glo&SearchText=band+t+shirts&shipCountry=us&CatId=100003071&isrefine=y

Hope this helps a little.

Okay so like me and my high school ex boyfriend are seeing each other on once or twice on a monthly basis since april 2014 ntil now august 2015 but before that we broke up twice and then startd speaking last year..Wen we together everything is so perfect i could see that he changed from how he use to be when we dated coz now he would be more of a boyfriend type,cuddling,holding my hand,gets excited to see me etc to speaking to each other almost everyday whole day eventhough we are just friends,he kept on hinting bout wanting a baby or asking me when am i gettin married or telling me that im showing of his property cause im wearing tight tops and yes we do have sex he would always say things like i can get attached to him or i can use hm for sex and he will save me if i had to die bt he wil die instead and he cand he can show me the world and i use to tell hm about all the guys who liked me or had a thing with and then he would gve me advice or tell me i should wear alot of clothes so they cant see anythng and he would tell me bout the girls who likes him and who he kisses...but now all of a sudden this month (august) it feels as if things have change like me drifting coz we went from speaking to each other everday to hardly ever speaking or just sometimes,and when me do chat he dont reply to me,bt he gets and reads the msgs and then replies whenever,i saw him saterday 22aug and i could see by his actions that he missed me as much as i missed him..i then send hm a few msgs to say thank you for the nice night but he ddnt respond and he always use to afta i saw him,i then send hm another few msgs and then he told me "such a tripper you are" yesterday i send hm msgs bt he ddnt reply again and then this morning i send hm a msg and then he's response was "Why so lastag lately" and then i just said sorry for being being so lastag and bothering you nd he mst enjoy his day,dont thnk he will reply anytime soon...a few weeks before i saw hm he just went missing in action well he was online and stuf just neva spoke to me and when i askd hm whats wrong he said he just feels like being alone lately and then we started speaking again almost everyday and then i saw him saterday and when i did it was nice as always cause i told him i miss him and then he randomly asked what im doing his thinking bout going home but thought about the woman who misses hm if i feel like seeing him so i said yes and then he fetch me.told me i dont love him anymore cause i dont greet or give him a hug..neither of us has moved on yet i asked hm if hes gna tell me if he has a gf one day and jhen he said probably yes but he dont think he will feel anythng for anyone anymore and he sometimes bring up old memories of us or ask questions like how do i think we would turn out if we had to meet for the 1st time or whats my favourite part bout wen 2gther or having sex cause to him the first kiss is always the best he asked me what do i want in a guy and then i tld hm i want some1 who knws what they want and do smallthngs like go to tha beach or park and then he told me he knws what he want and kissed me and the following week we went to the park..he even asks me if i can go shopPing for hm cause he dont have time and stuf...im so scared of losing him eventhough we not yet official,i love him so much if he dnt hear from me for a while eventhou i keep on sending him msgs he would randomly send a msg and ask if im still alive...but this month i dont knw why the sudden change why he dont wana speak to me anymore or reply to my msgs i miss him and i miss speaking to hm like we use to..my friends told me to let him go,just back off and if he cares he will show up again..its so hard not speaking to him i really dont know what to do i really dont cause i dont want to lose hm..it been a year and four months that we spending time together and we jst friends but wen we 2gther its like we are meant to be and to think we broke up twice before that ..do you think that therz a possibility he got tired of me or that he moved on and dont want to tell me..he has never lied to me before and when he hangout with his friends he would tell me cause the friday he told me he was with family and saterday before i saw hm he said he was suppose to do somethng with hs dad but hs not goin his rather going to chill smoke weed and play facebook poker and then i saw him the night and we smoked 2gther...i really ddnt mean to b a nuicense and bother him bt nw he alreadi thinks that i am..what do i do,i cnt eat or sleep..i dont wana loose him oot again..just dnt understand why the sudden change this month..why is he acting so,what do you think? The nli girl hs been seeing is me did he move on mayb! Did he get bored of me? If he wantd space why didnt he tell me" why dont he wana reply to my msgs and only does it weneva? Should i back of for a while and wait till he shows up and then wen i see him i should talk to him about it cause when he dropped me at home he said see you next time so im hoping that thers gona b a next time..I realy ddnt meant to bother hm and be lastag just wntd to speak to hm..mayb its my own fault or may im just tripping..need advice on what to that..what do u think bout this situation
Please help me why might he be acting so this month

You both are stuck in a strange cycle. For some reason that you have not explained or do not understand yourself, both of you care about each other, at least to some extent, but are choosing to deny yourselves the chance to stay with each other for life. the way both of you talk, neither of you sounds ready to let each other go, no matter what silly stuff either of you say or do in the meanwhile. So both of you need to dig deep inside yourselves and ask yourself why you are not considering a life with each other? Whats holding you back? That is the mystery you havent shared with us so its quite impossible to help you any more than this.

Please don't consider this a frivolous question, I am dead serious....I would love to find people who share my unusual fetish, I enjoy endless fantasies about Hillary Clinton and find her pics very hot, my feeling is not the way most people think, but there must be men and women who feel like me and would enjoy messaging about her....how do I find them ?

You're somewhat headed in the right direction...using the internet to find such people but its unlikely to find here or that there is any such organization. You may have to create it yourself to find others like you.
I did put in a search "people who fantasize about Hilary Clinton and got one hit that was valid. I am posting the link. Its some person who created a t-shirt you can order that had the printed words, "I bet Hilary Clinton wears sexy lingerie." If you wore a shirt like that, it may be a conversation starter at the least or help you connect with others who feel the same as you do.
Heres the link:
http://cruelsteve.spreadshirt.com/hillary-clinton-wears-sexy-lingerie-t-shirt-A7509276

I am 12 years old and me and my boyfriend are really close he has been fingering me in the disabled toilet at school at lunch I really want to have sex with him I'm not on my period but I love him so much we have been going out for 3 years now and he has been fingering me for 7 months and I enjoy it please let me know if I can sleep with him

if you feel you need to ask a stranger to get our permission and okay and approval for you to make this next step, then you are definitely NOT ready.

You are also still very young, even though I know you have hormones going thru your body making this feel so good. With having sex, comes responsibility to take precautions to not become pregnant by the girl getting on birth control, and the guy using condoms to prevent STD's. If I am right, Planned Parenthood works with helping teens on birth control but I think the HIPPA law that allows them to work with teen girls giving them the pill for example under total confidentiality may have an age limit of 14 and older. You could check if its different in your area. But I would advise waiting until you are older for sex. We usually tell the young kids your age that their best option is to masturbate. That is still your best option. ANd since you both are already doing so with each other, either self masturbation or mutual masturbation for each other should be your limit for a couple years yet.

Me & the father of my child are not together. He hasn't gone to any of my appointments, he never calls to see how me & the baby are doing, he hasn't bought anything for the baby. He hasn't even spoken to my father since I became pregnant, & I am only 16 so that would appropriate. But my question is, is he wrong? He even said he doesn't know if he's coming to the baby shower. Do you believe although we aren't together a man should be there for a woman that he impregnanted? Because let's be honest PREGNANCY IS NOT EASY. Am I wrong? Or is he wrong? She he be there for me & the baby? Also do you think is non existence during this pregnancy will mean he won't be there for our child in the future? He also has another kid on the way, but he GOES TO EVERY one of that woman's appointments.

Well, he is young and he is not ready to be a Dad. A grown man who is wanting to have a child with the woman he loves and can support her and the child financially and emotionally is going to be supportive, by his ladys side, at appts, ready to be the birth coach, buy her and baby special gifts. Any change, even becoming a parent has its scary or panic moments even for those way older and ready.

All this kid wanted was sex, not Fatherhood. Was your plan and goal and desire in life to be a teen aged Mother? If so, you accomplished your goal. But that may not have been his goal so its not surprising, given his age that he wants nothing to do with it or that he ever will. He is not in a position to even be a Dad cus he's only 16. Babies come about when a man is the sperm donor and a female the fertile womb whether either are ready for a child or not. But what the child will need is something beyond a birth mother and father, but an actual mom and dad to raise it. You even wont be able to do so alone if you decide to keep instead of adopt out. He isn't even out of school with a job and a good income so that you can get child support as you could go for if he was 10 yrs older. Its a bad situation dear. Focus on birthing the baby and talking to enough agencies that work with teenage moms to find out what all your real options are.

I have so much trouble combining my worlds. I'm really into school and serious about myself and my work, but I also have been getting into guys lately and I really want to start having sex. Btw I'm not in high school, I'm 23 and my body really feels like it's about time! I'm not hoping for a relationship because when I think of guys in that way I just get disappointed. I'm pretty nerdy and as I've been told, extremely intelligent and I don't click on a personal level with most guys and always feel like I have to make myself cooler and dumber to get on their wavelength. But those same guys I find myself intensely attracted to. I'm not sure if all of this makes me really insecure or overly confident. I just really want to get in touch with my sexuality without losing my own personal edge. Dating should not be so much work and over-thinking right? For most human beings dating/love/sex is as mindless and primal as eating. Most people find their first boyfriends at a much younger age than I am right now. Why is this so difficult and quite frankly unenjoyable for me? Why do I feel like I have to put on such a facade when I talk to a guy? It's really not fun!

You are assuming that most gals find their first real boyfriend at a younger age. At a younger age, most haven't a clue how to have a relationship and never really go on any real dates, just ask each other to be bf/gf and hold hands and sneak kisses at school which is the only place they ever see each other. THAT...is not a relationship and does not constitute much of any kind of experience either. You are at the perfect age to start dating and having your sexual experiences. Since you are sure you want to go this way, I would first make sure to get on a contraceptive first so that you don't end up finding the right guy first and then having to wait for the contraceptive, like the pill to build up in your system first before having sex. I for one never dated in HS as the guys were all too immature for me. I married at 20 and thats my 1st time having sex. I should have had the sex first before deciding to marry. That way with experience from several guys you end up dating and having sex with, you will learn more about your sexuality, whether you have a high or low libido and what exact things you like and are drawm to in sex. You'll want to find someone much like you in that area if ever planning to stay together long term.

Okay, now as to changing what you act like or how you come across, I would advise not to. The drawback is that when a person (like myself) changes who they are to get the attention or gain the love of a particular someone, it backfires in that the other likes the pretend you and once they begin to see the real you peeking through, they realize they aren't really attracted to the real you and break it off. Or the stress of being someone you are not gets to you, makes you feel unhappy, resentful of the other, etc...
The best thing would be to find a guy who is attracted to you for just who you are, without having to change for him to get their attention.
When people reach 25 or so, thats the point at which our brains are finnally done growing, especially the part able to make good decisions and ability to choose the right people to be in their lives. And guys really do begin from this point on to develop their own preferences in a female if they didnt already have it earlier. Some guys actually do not prefer skinny girls. And others, it matters not what previous sexual experience there was, only that what he has with you is out of this world for him and you. Another thing that speak loudly subconsciously to a guy and has him attracted to an ordinary average looking girl over lets say a model type who is all ego, and drama queen, etc. is when you have self confidence. Maybe the younger guys seem more playful or have a bit of the bad boy image attached which some women find a turn on. But the ultimate would be to find a mature man who is your equal on an intellectual level so there's a meeting of minds and the ability to become each others best friend and he is not so serious that he can't role play in the bedroom, be playful and act a bit of the naughty and dangerous for you. Its more likely you will find that, in a guy a bit older than you rather than your age or a bit younger. Even a guy of 30 is only 7 yrs older and thats not bad at all and of course, he's likely to be more settled, know what he wants out of life and a woman and be more mature.
Since you are in school, the only guys you are running into unfortunately are all your age.
If you have any spare time to join a meet up group outside of school for something that is a hobby or a personal interest, you broaden your chances of meeting a guy. If all you want is the sex right now, rather than a bunch of one night stands with strangers, try finding someone you feel can be a friend of sorts just for while you're in school and have your friend with benefits deal.
Also, you mention the whole dating thing right now as unenjoyable. YOu may be alot like me and need someone with whom you first have a meeting of the minds...meaning that you think alot the same, have some of the same ideals or outlooks on life, that conversation flows instead of having to be prodded and dragging along. Once I find someone whose mind I enjoy, and I found them attractive looking to begin with, it isn't so hard to make the step to becoming sex partners because the mind is our greatest sex organ and if their mind works much like mine, I've found I enjoy the sex more with the person. The best of course, is the one whom you fall in love with and he with you. That takes sex to another level entirely. Good luck dear.

Ok so I have been talking to a boy who is 18 and living with his grandma and i'm 19 and his grandma supposedly broke his phone and so he will not be able to talk to me until he gets a new phone and so he said we needed to take a break until he gets the new phone so does that mean that he is going to break up with me or is he really telling the truth.

If he's not long distance away, I don't see why you can't still see each other in person. Or, if either of you have access to a laptop or desk top computer or even use on at the library, you should be able to keep in touch on several social sites. You would need to ask him for clarification as to what he meant by 'take a break', and not jump to conclusions that break means break up. His choice of words and language or speech may mean one thing to him and mean something totally different to you. Thats how the biggest of misunderstandings happen between two people. What a perfect situation to learn in. YOu do need to learn to ask when you don't understand what someone says cus the day it happens to be your boss at work and you end up taking it wrong and actually doing the wrong thing, that is not a good situation for you.
I can see him easily meaning break as in laying off the phoning and texting for a while. If he did not give any alternative ways to keep in touch with you, it could be he didnt think of them or just doesnt have the means to do so. If he lives close by and you know where, you could go over and try to have a talk to find out if there's something else the two of you can do to keep in touch. Worst case scenerio, if he actually really meant that he is breaking up with you and used a broken phone as the excuse to ease into it, then he's a coward and a douchebag and you don't really want to settle for less and hang out with someone like him anyways.

12 year old female.

I can think of people I like, but it seems the more i get to know people, the more i can't stand them. There are 4 of my friends where i can stand them. The boys at my school are all annoying fucks who think I'm a lesbian (and won't FUCKING let it go) except a few guys i can stand. Last year i got stuck with the most annoying bitchy girls. In a group project, two of them fucked around the whole time, the boy who started the lesbian crap was acting more on task then them (he has ADHD btw), the only thing the kids i get in a group project with seem to do is fuck around. The popular girls are ego-maniacs, the nerds are self-righteous assholes, two girls i thought were my friends are bipolar narcassistic cunts, a girl i thought was my friend is a dumb slut and got mad at me over nothing (I canceled my birthday party WHOOPDIEFUCKINGDOO) and through a shit fit WEEKS after it happened. Everyone i meet seems to want to fuck me over somehow. And no one can mind their own buissness. I don't want to go to school and hang out with all these dumbasses

Adviceman has good points. Sounds like the bad language is your way of showing how severe you feel the problems are and how upset it makes you and I see it as a cry for help. Here's the one thing I can think of as to why its happening that you feel as you do and the girls especially act as they do:

Since you are 12, and female, my guess is you are going thru puberty. That in itself is not an excuse for getting away with anything BUT, there is such a thing as girls your age with the beginning of hormones of puberty having a devastating effect on not just their feelings and emotions but theres been cases of personalities totally changing the young lady into someone they weren't before, a turn for the worse. If I were you, I'd ask Mom to get me in to see the Dr to get your hormone levels checked. If too high, it can make you very miserable. ALL females going thru puberty will feel their emotions like sadness and anger are more touchy. They either cry too easily or get irritated easily and its usually irritation and anger focused at other females like Mom , sisters and friends or peers. All of us eventually get through it. Keep in mind that all these gals who irritate and make you feel angry are likely acting as they do because they are going thru the same hormonal issues. What I try to warn about is that if a female has a hormone imbalance such as an overload, she can become suicidal, or depressed and start cutting herself, on the anger side, she may break things, damage property or hit and hurt other people. Every one has their own limits of what they can take. If you feel yourself losing control, count to 20, take deep breaths and find some time alone if at all possible. But I would also have a doctor check you out if you began to feel any worse with your emotions as there is something they can give you temporarily until you reach your late teens when this all levels out on its own. Good luck.

I'm a guy, 41 (although most people think I'm in my late 20s) in a long distance relationship with a girl, 30, whom I've known for about 10 years, dated on and off, as she had broken up with me like twice previously due to the distance, and had apologized and I took her back in both instances. We got engaged early this year and planning to get married before the end of this year. She says she loves me but she has said in a number of occasions that she doesn't care if I'm having a fling with other girls because she has better things to worry about. I find this strange. Should I be worried that she might just more in love with the idea of marriage than she is in love with me? In my society (Africa, Nigeria) a lot of importance is placed on marriage, with lots of people (especially women) being very desperate about marriage. They get even more desperate when they approach 30 years old. Or could she just be bluffing? In my society, the girls do that a lot, play hard to get all the time, even when you're already dating them. In fact, my girlfriend sometimes plays hard to get for me each time we're about to have sex. She never initiates sex. I always do. And this is typical with the girls around here.

From what you are saying, it sounds like your LDR, long distance relationship is merely inconvenient distance wise but doesnt prevent the two of you from seeing each other in person. So I am safe then in believing that she is from the same country, of the same heritage having grown up with the same customs and beliefs such as you are familiar with. Being in the U.S. myself, I can't say how strong this belief system really is, whether thats what your gal is doing or not.
All I can say is that you need honesty from her and to have a real good conversation with her with lots of questions asked and answered before you will be able to know what decision to make.

It is always a possibility that someone has drilled the idea into her head that ALL men, 100% of them have affairs and flings on the side when that is not true. If she does believe this, then her announcement might be her way of showing how desperate she is to have any man, even if it takes telling him she is okay with sharing him in this way. If this is what is going on, she may be playing a great game of chance, hoping that she can handle it. And when you marry, whether you do or do not ever have a fling on the side, her mind set will be to believe its happening anyways, and after some time, she may find she can not go on non chalantly overlooking this, but she could become very jealous of something that may not even exist and it could break up the relationship.

On the other hand, if she is not desperate and truly has agreed to marry, but doesnt act as if she is all that desireous of sexual relations, she may be acting on culture and what shes been trained or she may truly not have any desires or sexual chemistry with you. It is possible with a couple for one to feel desire and the other to not feel any. If she is a sexual mismatch and the two of you end up married, either one or both of you will find your sexual libido fall asleep with no use, or the one with the strongest libido will at some point be very tempted to find sex outside the marriage.
Theres another possibility, tho very slim, that she may be polyamorous, meaning she likes having mutiple lovers at the same time. But a lover doesnt necessarily have the same obligation of looking after and taking care of a person as they would if they were married. So she may be hoping you are okay with her wanting an open marriage, meaning you both see other people for sex at times, but like I said, this is very rare in the U.S. and may be as rare or more so in your country...I wouldn't know. Perhaps it is popular where you live. If she isn't being clear about this, you need to find out what she is thinking inside her head, what her actual thoughts are. Would she rather be monogamous or not, open marriage or not, is she sexually attracted to you or not, is she willing to settle for just about anyone, right or wrong for each other just cus she's desperate to marry? Those are things you need to find out before you decide to continue in realtionship with her let alone marry her. And what do you want? YOu need to ask yourself these questions too.

i had a dream about my long distance boyfriend who lives very far away. we were on this couch and he was laying upside down while i was holding my legs. he just came to america and all of a sudden he tells me he has to go somewhere. i get all damn angry and he leaves. then i go to this big store and there's a lot of people. i run into this guy i know that means a whole lot to me. we have this strong connection. and like i kept seeing him wherever i went in that store.

i feel like this dream is seriously trying to tell me something. do you have any idea?

I do know that LDR's in real life have a bad track record of working out if the two can get together. The ones that are successful are the ones where the two already knew each other in person and dated but one went away to college or into the military. Those long times apart are hard indeed but there is that known quantity about the other person already, knowing you can trust them, knowing what it is like to be held and kissed by them so you know you have that special chemistry and attraction in person for example. Those things I just mentioned are things you can't know from only meeting on line. Its such an iffy thing.

So perhaps, in your subconscious mind you realize that its very iffy and so you dream of your LDR guy being with you in person but soon after taking off on you. This means there are no real guarantees that itn did move to America, that he would not end up really liking or feeling attraction for you after all that.
The guy in the store that you already know more about than ldR guy, is a more promising avenue to take so that is why no matter where you went inthis big store you kept running into him as you already have a strong connection. My guess is that your subconscious mind which has the role of making sure you are happy, just wants you to take the path where you're more likely to end up happy and that would be chancing becoming close with the guy at home you already know.

I used to have a guinea pig when I was 8 and my parents never helped out with it because they thought of it as a rat. Now that they are dead :( and I'm 14 now I was another pet. I asked for a dog because that's what I've always wanted but my mom acts like she's afraid of them. I thought about getting a bunny but I'm not so sure if that would work for my busy school schedule (I go to school at 7 and don't get back until 6). My dad said that my mom would be better with a small dog but dog are also really expensive. Do you guys have any suggestions on what I could do because I really want a pet!

All you can do is ask the parents for truthful answers as to why you can not have another pet of any kind. Or ask specifically what valid reasons they have for not giving an okay to a dog.
Hopefully your parents give an actual valid answer rather than dodge answering by saying "Oh, its too much cost or too much work." What their real issue in that case is, they really do not want to have to care for the dog if you get tired of doing so. They dont want to have to walk the dog, train it, wash it and comb its fur, keep its water dish clean and filled or be bothered to feed it. You may have good intentions, and for all I know you may be able to stick with it doing all those things, but they dont know that and most kids eventually start slacking off on the pet care especially if they were going to be the only one to care for it. THen theres the issue of who lets the dog out to go potty. I have done caregiving for elderly, some who lived in old folks multi story complexs and many owned little dogs. The lady I worked with had a little dog she couldn't take out often as she was legally blind. But it was trained to go both pee and poo on one of those absorbant throw away pads for bed ridden patients. She'd lay it on the floor of her bedroom and the dog used it regularly but still needed walks which I took care of on the days I was with her. Cost, well, you'd have to ask Dad to spell that out for you. Some adults just dont want the responsibility of a pet in the house and will give an answer meant to end the discussion, like its expensive. Exactly what is so expensive about getting a dog. A thorough bred would be costly. Even a puppy of an ordinary type. But going to a shelter, tho it still costs to pick one up, you paid them for the shots and spay or neuter they did for the dog to ready it for being adopted and a small fee besides. Then there's food. Little dogs do not eat much. We ended up not buying dog food but making a small pot of food for the dog, rice with some hamburger boiled enough for 3,4 days and would scoop some in its dish each day. The dog didn't do as well on dog food and we found that to not be very expensive at all. The biggest investment will be time, to walk it, care for it and play with it.
They probably figure that at your age, your attention will soon enough swing to dating and such and there won't be room time or desire on your part for investing time in your dog when you'd rather be hanging out with your crush. You can't know that now, but I was a teen and once I had my drivers license, I was rarely home. We had no pet at that time anymore and I still got my chores all done so all was okay. You may not win with the parents and to get your 'fix' of playing with a dog, you might have to go to friends houses and play with theirs, not the same but its fun still. Maybe you have a relative with a dog and can do some weekend overnighters there and focus on their dog.
A bunny will require a rabbit hutch which you keep in the yard. We had two,one for each of younger daughters. Their cages need cleaning daily and water bottle checked and refilled. Its a smelly mess trying to keep their cage clean and it will attract flies more so than anything else so our yard was so full of houseflies that we got an enormous amount of them coming in thru windows and the door each time we went in or out. The bunnies did well indoors and the girls played often with them. But a rabbit hutch will cost a nice chunk on top of buying the bunny. It all takes some money of which your parents may be very short on...I dont know. But talking more in depth rather than accepting their excuses is the first step to finding if you really have a chance to negotiate for a pet or not.

One of my friends EX's told me and only me that she and my friend broke up. she sent me a text with a smiley face emoji.I also don't know who broke it off. So I don't know if she is hitting on me and if she is should I go for it or should I wait and see what her next move is. I also don't want it to be weird for me and my friend because we have to work together for the next 9 months on a committee.

I don't know how you know that you're the only one who's been told unless this person made sure to tell you this piece of info. They sure didn't tell you anything else. I don't understand the trading gf/bf's around thing. It seems too many just sit and wait for a friend to discard a sweetheart like getting rid of old clothes and there's always another friend ready to pick up where the other left off. It doesnt matter if she's hitting on you or not. What matters is, do you even have an inkling of a clue what on earth you are looking for in a date, a sweetheart, a possible future long term or life long mate? If you don't know, takae the time to figure out first what it is you need and want and what it is you have to offer. Don't just go snapping up a person on a the rebound out of a relationship.
If this gal really liked you so much that you would think she is now hitting on you, then why didnt she date you in the first place instead of going with the other person? If I were in your shoes, the first thing I would have thought when this gal decided to text only me with this information would be to ask: "And exactly what is your reason for telling me about this breakup? I would think that is private information for my friend to decide whether to tell me or not." It really wasn't her call to share this news in the first place, being that she wasn't exactly your close friend in the first place, only the girlfriend of a friend of yours. Since this is after the fact of her text, you can still bring it up to ask questions but simply calling and saying, that you are still puzzled over why she would have thought that it was her job to tell you of the split up. And you would like to know why she did, and who broke up with whom." You may have to wait a while if your friend doesnt divulge this information to you before asking your friend, like waiting until its obvious your friend isn't hanging out with her anymore. Then get the other version of the story.

What IS important is to know the reason of the split up. If your friend has behavior or she has behavior that is detrimental to the health of a relationship, that would make sense. If however she's the one truly with issues, then you will have the same outcome in the end as your friend. If the two started dating only to find over time that they really aren't the best match, are not as attracted as they were in the beginning, have little in common, no real chemistry, then that is a valid reason for not staying together and breaking up and it would be okay to date her. It really all depends on the why of breakup and what you really are looking for in a date. 9 months in a long time to wait to be in the clear to pursue her though, so you may want to subtly do your own discovery work as to why she told only you, why the break up and see if you can gather any info from your friend. If your friend says they really werent a good match and it was a peaceful split up, then you might ask if interested in her still, what he would think if you were to pursue her. Thats all I can think of. Hope it helps.
If for some reason, you're really into her, then wait until the work committee thing is over.

26. Female
My cousin and my Aunt just helped me get my first place basicially it's a small camper trailer. They are even letting me decorate it the way tgat I want but I have never had the chance to decorate anything just the way I want. I have always had to agree with what someone else wanted like my 2number sisters when I was growing up or my 14 year old niece since my mom has custody of her and I have always lived with my mom. I need some iseas on how to decorate the kitchen bedroom and bathroom. My Aunt also said that I needed to make a list of household items that I would need because the family is going to get together and have a gousewarming at the 1stlibrary of the month to help me get ehat I need but I have no idea what those items are any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hello again hon. When you set up your own living place for the first time, you will need a little of everything unless there are things that are specifically your own. So while living with Mom, you likely used her dishes, utensils, cook pots and everything else one finds in a kitchen. Same goes for the bath room with shower curtain, rug for the floor, toothbrush, hairbrush, toothbrush holder, towels and washcloths. If you do not have your own blankets and pillow, then you will need that too. To start, anything with any design will do. Once you are settled in, then you can decide if you have a favorite theme you would like the different areas decorated in, or perhaps a favorite color. If you already have those preferances, let the relatives know so they can keep that in mind in case they do come across special themed items.
Examples: Lets say you just love flowers, anything floral, then perhaps they might choose a shower curtain with a flower design on it and kitchen towels with flowers on them. Or if a favorite color is green, a couple green mugs for your kitchen, and dishes with a green design on them. So if you have preferences, share them now. If you can't think of any now that you finally have the freedom, its not to worry about. I find that over time, I have always added something to my home, like when it came time for a new shower curtain, I found one with frogs and lilypads on it with a matching waste basket for the bathroom cus I like frog designs. I like many other things too like hummingbirds, flowers, and so on so I keep my eyes open as time goes by, for anything with those designs on it.
I know you must be so excited. Very happy for you.

if you could answer privately that'd be great.
So I currently moved to Texas. I have to decide if I want to live here or go back home and whatever I choose I can't change my mind. going back home would be nice because I'd always have weed which keeps me sane, my long term boyfriend and in my shitty yet comfortable school. Basically the only problem is my parents are fucking awful. If I stay in Texas I'll have nicer parents (although it's very hard to deal with my mom as we both suffer from PTSD and violent mood swings.) Also money and everything I need. But it doesn't feel like home and I'll miss my boyfriend terribly. And going to school here would suck since my high school back home barely has any kids it would be a whole new experience. Please help :(

To help you decide, make a list with two columns, one titled NEEDS (Must haves I can't survive without) and WANTS (Things I want but could live without if I can't have it. And once you know what your absolute NEEDS are, then make a second list of both locations, and in which ones what needs are taken care of.k The places that meets more of your needs and may be even 'wants' would be the logical choice.

I'm currently in my first semester of sophomore year in college and I feel like I'm not doing anything important or that I like. I got into the Geology program at first but missed my artistic side so I changed to the English program but was left yearning for more. If it were by me I'd be studying in the US for something like Film, Directing, Animation, or Dance. I wish I could go into the acting business, but I don't have enough experience to get into any acting program or school, barely a few minor roles in school acts (if you can call them that). I sort of far-fetched dream of mine is to work for Disney either as an actress or animator, but I have no idea where to start. Plus I'm pretty sure I have some sort of mental condition (among depression or bipolar disorder, I would say) but every time I try to bring up the topic with my mother I feel awkward about saying it and actually feel bad about it - like I'm just putting another burden on her or that it will make her feel bad that I'd been lying all the times I talked to her on the phone about how great everything was going for me and how happy I felt here. I feel unmotivated and worthless sometimes, which drives me into this tiny shell and I refuse to come out. I feel extremely bad about this, but sometimes I even think about suicide. Its not something I'm proud of, but everyday just feels like a drag and I start wondering how I could do it - how I could take my life. Then instantly, regret and guilt come right at me because I know that life is precious, but sometimes... I don't know, I guess I feel like no one really cares nor needs me. My family doesn't need me for anything, most of the friends I have don't really help me when I need the help whilst I help them whenever I can, I've never had a boyfriend and sometimes I doubt my sex appeal to men, and I'm basically a nobody. I could probably die and no one would really care. So that makes me wonder... why even care about college? Why care about the future? Its not like there's anything waiting for me.

There's a few things you mentioned that could be signs of depression. Whether theres any other disorder, only a Dr. can diagnos. However, not going to a doctor or bringing it up to those who can help, is not going to make any conditions like that eventually fade away and disappear like going through a phase. These things are not phases and don't get better on their own untreated. I should know, my ex and eldest daughter suffer mental illness and depression respectively. If as a student you are still on parents medical insurance, or whether you have your own, you need to see a Dr. first. All the other things you worry about, a future, what profession to go after, having a boyfriend, will all fall into place in time if your emotions and mind are not struggling any longer with depression or illness. It may seem impossible to reach any goals that would bring you happiness. But it can look so much different when coming from the perspectives of a healthier disposition.
I would encourage you to let at least Mom know what you struggle with. My own daughter kept it a secret as a teen of 15 or so. I didn't find out until after the birth of her child when post partum depression hit her on top of the clinical depression she's had for years and she could no longer hide it as she was scared she might kill herself or the baby, it was that bad. I made sure she got to see a Dr. immediately and encouraged her to stick with treatment. Its hard to go something like this alone, seeking Drs. help and sticking with the program and its much easier if a parent is there beside you to lend at least encouragement along the way. I truly wish my daughter had told me earlier. I feel robbed of the chance to have helped her at the early age of dealing with depression. Until you're a mom you wont know the special bond and strength of a mothers love and how there's that need to make sure your child is always doing okay. I have grown daughters now and that need is still there to want them to be doing okay and be happy and there are times they still come to me for encouraging words or just love and hugs when there is nothing that can be done to change a situation. Tell Mom dear. And make an appt with the Dr.

I'm in a long distant relationship. I met a girl who is also in a long distant relationship. We were honest with each other about our relationship status. I thought she was ready for us to be friends with benefit until she won't let me have sex with her the day she slept in my place, sleeping on the sofa in the lounge and insisting I go sleep in the bedroom. I cut things off of her. She keeps texting asking why I cut off. I told her I find her attractive and want us to be friends with benefit. She says she doesnt want that. And that she doenst find me attractive. I keep cutting her off but she keeps texting me. Came around once, keeps feeling at home, eats my food, even once asked me to buy her groceries. I feel like she's just a gold digger. I cut off again but she keeps asking why I am avoiding her. Is she playing hard to get? Or is she really a gold digger hoping I will keep tolerating her with the hope that I will eventually get some? I am male, working class. She's a student.

Playing hard to get? I dont think so. She told you where she stands, you told her what you want. Neither of you are wrong in wanting what you want. So when two people find themselves wanting something totally different out of dating, out of a relationship with the opposite sex, then there is no reason to remain in touch. Learn from it and move on. She also says she doesnt find you attractive. You may be plenty attractive to the right girls, but it actually may be that she didnt know how to put it into words correctly...that she actually doesnt feel any sexual desires and chemistry with you. A person doesnt have to engage in sex to discover that. She may well have told the truth that she really isn't sexually attracted to you but said it wrong by saying you aren't attractive.

Why she tries to keep contact with you when you are not looking for platonic female friends is beyond me. She may have emotional or mental issues so you may just have to spell it out clearly for her. Let her know that you are not currently in a spot where you are ready to be monogamous with one girl, you're not ready to fall in love and settle down with one girl and that you are only interested right now in the sexual experience with girls and have no room or time to spare to just be friends with a gal who doesnt want to be sexual with you without any strings attached. You let her know this means you will no longer be keeping in touch with her. You're sorry for wasting her time and saying or doing anything originally that had her thinking you were anything different than what you are but you are going to remain true to yourself and not change just to please her. Tell her you hope she finds what shes looking for in a guy but that it is not you. After your speech, if she continues to text or call, stop answering.
I find it odd that shes always asking for money or eating your food. She may be struggling financially but thats no reason to expect you to take care of her in those ways. Even someone who was just a 'friend with benefits' shouldn't be used that way. Now if two people truly love each other and want to be solely with each other, it makes sense that the man wants to provide for his sweetheart, its a natural instinct in men for the female his heart claims as his own. But in your case, she may just be looking to take advantage of any person who will give her the time of day, preying on those who tend to be naturally kind and caring and hate to hurt anyone, in other words, taking advantage of them.
To me, a gold digger is the female who will sell her charms to get a sugar daddy or a man who really is pretty rich in todays economy and that man decides he likes her being in his life enough that he will reciprocate by providing a lush comfy life for her, anything she wants, a new car, diamond jewelry, etc... Unless you've got the 'gold' sir, she's only looking to take advantage of a kind soul hoping they'll take care of a moocher, ie a person who basically begs for anything they need but has nothing to give you in return, or that you want.
As a student, she may be continuously tight on funds but to make oneself at home and feel free to help themselves to anothers food cus they're hungry is not the right way to go about it. You are not the local social services. You could take the time to point her in the direction of talking to school counselors to get ideas of where she can go for free help or perhaps she should be asking her own family. If not working and her schedule allows, she could work part time or cut the amount of classes and work part time to have the extra cash she needs to take care of herself.

Just a thought for you...if you were to find a gal who does want to be your sex partner with no strings attached, would that make you willing to give her a place to live, feed her and pay some of her bills in exchange for the sex and companionship? Its kinda like a business deal, or in the days before money, people traded what they had for what they needed. Are you okay with that kind of arrangement? If not, you need to also be clear with any willing ladies, that they would be friends that come visit you at times, but you each maintain and keep your own separate living quarters, and finances, and lives other than the dates to spend together for friendship and sex. That there will be no living together thing.

I'm a female, and my weight is 100 pounds. My height 5'2 my band size for a bra is 28 inches. I was supposed to get my period at age 12 said my doctor, my breasts have devoloped but they stayed the same size since 5th grade! Do I have delayed puberty? I don't eat much not because of a disorder I am just not hungry. This is not not normal, correct?

I just finished watching a documentary on girls who have 'Anorexia Nervosa'. And it covered girls aged 12 thru 16 at a treatment center meant to help them gain weight because their weight was so low that they would die soon if not for medical intervention of a pretty much forced feeding program while teaching them at the same time to break their habits. Many of them had a period once but it stopped when their weight got too low. When the body is under any regular mental stress, a period becomes delayed, that happens in the life of all women but its usually a delay of a few days, a week maybe two at the most.
However physical stress to the body can make a period stop. There are two examples of it, when a gal who is an athlete gets so much exercise stress to the body on a daily basis that her period will stop and the other, when the body is stressed due to being in starvation mode and the period stops. Or depending on the age of the person, it simply doesn't start at all.

I will say it is not normal for a growing teen to not feel hunger. You are correct that it may not exactly be a eating disorder, that causes you to not eat because on going clinical depression, untreated can do the same. Otherwise, for any other reasons where a person may not have any appetite, only a Dr. would be able to name them. I think its time to see your Dr. again and let him know you have no appetite what so ever so they can test to see what is wrong. Your body needs the fuel of food to run properly and it would include to develop normally.
At your age, you should have a period and depending on the genes you inherited, you should be getting close to the size of chest that you will have for your adult life. Unless there are many flat chested adult women in your geneological history, your being the same size as 5th grade with zero growth there at all is in indication something is wrong. Its not that your body is unable to develop but that it is not getting what it needs to develop. So talk to Mom, ask to see the Dr. If Mom won't take it seriously, then talk to the school nurse and ask for help. talk to an Aunt or Grandma and ask for help. Puberty is a phase, it starts with the development of breasts and changes inside you cant see, and eventually girls feel the effects of their hormones on their emotions and lastly start a period. So there should be some things that you become aware of before a period starts, as that is usually the last major change. Periods start early at 10-12 for some, 13-14 is where the average amount of girls start, and 15 isn't too bad if there has been some breast growth at the least. Otherwise, 15-17 would be the very late bloomers and are seldom seen in todays time. The only way for you to know if you are truly okay or not is to see your doctor. If lack of eating was not in the equation, I'd say you're likely a late bloomer and perhaps if mom is a tiny slight boned petite person with little chest, that you are merely just like her. But lack of appetite is a serious thing. Its like never putting oil in the car. A car if it runs out of gas, wont run. If it has gas but no oil, the engine parts freeze up and it stops working totally. That happens to humans too dear. Our body needs a certain amount of daily nutrition to run well and to grow and stay healthy. If someone handed you a canvas and a paintbrush but no paints and expected you to create a painting, could you create one without any paint? What if all the paint tubes were almost empty, not enough paint to cover even a quarter of the canvas, could you create a painting? Not even the best artist could create one. This is at least one main reason why you are having the issues you have with the delay of puberty but there may be others. Go see a doctor right way dear. I'd like to hear how things go if you remember to let me know what you find out. Good luck.

There's this guy that I really like and I'm not sure if he likes me back. He's friends with the guys that are mean to me and just like to tease me about stupid things. If I tell him how I feel than he'll probably tell all his friends and it would be awkward for me. I really like this guy and I really need help !

Thank you,
Jenna

I'm from the U.S.

Not knowing the ages of people involved, makes this harder. If middle school, the boys all may be crushing on you and like you but guys can do the weirdest things and actually treat the girl they like in odd ways. Their way of paying attention to her, showing attention is to either tease, play pranks or be really mean. So you can't really count on that. It really depends on what these guys are actually doing whether it is just harmless teasing, or something more serious that needs to be brought to attention of school officials. If they attempt to destroy anything of yours or touch you in any ways you don't like, or sexually, that is wrong. Bumping into you on purpose, touching you, poking at you, slapping your bottom, etc.... can be sexual harassment.

Destruction of your property examples: ruining the papers you just turned in to the teacher, ruining your clothing by purposely spilling things on it, cutting/slicing your backpack , etc.

Once a guy is older high school age, he tends to figure out how to act a little better and will actually talk to a girl and attempt to befriend her if he's interested in her or sometimes simply asks her out.

If you wait for the guys to figure it out and mature on their own, you'll be waiting longer than I figure you care to. Girls really need to take the first step as they are often a little bit more mature at the relationship stuff than guys at this age, though we all make stupid mistakes simply due to little previous experience and being naive.
One way to know if someone likes you, or at least is attracted to you, is to watch to see how often he looks at you. If a guy smiles lots at you or greets you when anywhere near by or passing you, thats a good sign. Also, when a girl or guy is interested in someone, they want to be near that person and will try to find any excuse to go sit or stand near them, really near...like close enough that if you reached out with your arm you could tap them on the shoulder. This is called one's personal space. If the person who is approached, likes you, they will stand firm or step closer to you. If you stand near them and they don't like you, they will step backwards away from you to re-create a certain amount of space between you. This is not a conscious thought but a subconscious action all humans take. So find an excuse to walk up and talk to him. Its easiest to start a conversation pertaining to where you find yourselves situation wise. Lets say a game is coming up. You could ask, "hey are you going to the game, I've never been. Are they any good?" Maybe he's wearing something new clothing wise that really looks good on him. Walk up and say, 'Hey I just want to tell you that that shirt looks really good on you. Its one of my favorite colors", or "I like that brand too." Don't make anything up just to have something to say. It has to really be your favorite color for example cus he will remember it if he's into you and remember to wear it again just for you. Guys are vain too, love getting compliments and love to be needed or of help to females. It makes them feel good about themselves, and what feels good is likely to be what they choose to go after.

If you'd rather not try the route of starting up conversation cus you're afraid of freezing up, another way to make a start is to be honest in a way and walk up and say, "Hey I would like to ask a favor of you. I am choosing you cus you seem the friendliest even though you tease me. I want to learn how to understand guys and be able to talk to them. Would you be willing to help me learn?" Whether he secretly likes you or not, its very likely he may not feel awkward at all to spend time with you under the guise of 'helping you". Its a good way to break the ice and both of you can teach each other how to understand the opposite sex a little better especially in conversation, and different thought processes.

Good luck Jenna.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>

humorist-workshop