|
Does she really love me, if she doesn't mind me seeing other women?
I'm a guy, 41 (although most people think I'm in my late 20s) in a long distance relationship with a girl, 30, whom I've known for about 10 years, dated on and off, as she had broken up with me like twice previously due to the distance, and had apologized and I took her back in both instances. We got engaged early this year and planning to get married before the end of this year. She says she loves me but she has said in a number of occasions that she doesn't care if I'm having a fling with other girls because she has better things to worry about. I find this strange. Should I be worried that she might just more in love with the idea of marriage than she is in love with me? In my society (Africa, Nigeria) a lot of importance is placed on marriage, with lots of people (especially women) being very desperate about marriage. They get even more desperate when they approach 30 years old. Or could she just be bluffing? In my society, the girls do that a lot, play hard to get all the time, even when you're already dating them. In fact, my girlfriend sometimes plays hard to get for me each time we're about to have sex. She never initiates sex. I always do. And this is typical with the girls around here.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Not every woman is equally bothered by cheating, just like not every man is equally interested in cheating. That being said, she could be desperate, or bluffing. It's hard to say at this point. Maybe look her in the face and ask her these questions.
Regardless of her answer, I suggest you don't see other women. There is too much potential for problems and miscommunication here.
Toodles,
Miss Piggy
]
From what you are saying, it sounds like your LDR, long distance relationship is merely inconvenient distance wise but doesnt prevent the two of you from seeing each other in person. So I am safe then in believing that she is from the same country, of the same heritage having grown up with the same customs and beliefs such as you are familiar with. Being in the U.S. myself, I can't say how strong this belief system really is, whether thats what your gal is doing or not.
All I can say is that you need honesty from her and to have a real good conversation with her with lots of questions asked and answered before you will be able to know what decision to make.
It is always a possibility that someone has drilled the idea into her head that ALL men, 100% of them have affairs and flings on the side when that is not true. If she does believe this, then her announcement might be her way of showing how desperate she is to have any man, even if it takes telling him she is okay with sharing him in this way. If this is what is going on, she may be playing a great game of chance, hoping that she can handle it. And when you marry, whether you do or do not ever have a fling on the side, her mind set will be to believe its happening anyways, and after some time, she may find she can not go on non chalantly overlooking this, but she could become very jealous of something that may not even exist and it could break up the relationship.
On the other hand, if she is not desperate and truly has agreed to marry, but doesnt act as if she is all that desireous of sexual relations, she may be acting on culture and what shes been trained or she may truly not have any desires or sexual chemistry with you. It is possible with a couple for one to feel desire and the other to not feel any. If she is a sexual mismatch and the two of you end up married, either one or both of you will find your sexual libido fall asleep with no use, or the one with the strongest libido will at some point be very tempted to find sex outside the marriage.
Theres another possibility, tho very slim, that she may be polyamorous, meaning she likes having mutiple lovers at the same time. But a lover doesnt necessarily have the same obligation of looking after and taking care of a person as they would if they were married. So she may be hoping you are okay with her wanting an open marriage, meaning you both see other people for sex at times, but like I said, this is very rare in the U.S. and may be as rare or more so in your country...I wouldn't know. Perhaps it is popular where you live. If she isn't being clear about this, you need to find out what she is thinking inside her head, what her actual thoughts are. Would she rather be monogamous or not, open marriage or not, is she sexually attracted to you or not, is she willing to settle for just about anyone, right or wrong for each other just cus she's desperate to marry? Those are things you need to find out before you decide to continue in realtionship with her let alone marry her. And what do you want? YOu need to ask yourself these questions too.
]
More Questions: |