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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Long story short, I'm going alone to visit a college that I plan to start attending in the Spring. I originally planned to bring a boy I was dating, but that didn't work out so he won't be going. Then I planned to bring one of my female friends with me, but she can't get anybody to watch her baby and he's too young to bring outside the home. I also invited another boy I'm dating now, but he doesn't want to go because it's too early in the morning.
I don't want to bring either of my parents because I feel like that would make me look immature. I also don't want them embarrassing me or complaining about something (which I know they would).
The thing is, I get somewhat bad social anxiety when I go alone to somewhere unfamiliar and full of people and I don't want to look awkward and wind up walking around and getting lost.
I really don't want to go alone especially because it's an all day event that includes two meals and a campus tour. I know if I go alone I'm going to get really scared and want to leave.
What should I do?
Its not the college campus only but will be many situations in life that cause you to feel social anxiety. I had a severe case of it in my past but I got over it with self treatment. My treatment was specific to the type of fear I had. I don't know if you have several different anxieties operating at the same time, but here's one theory that seems to apply.
Exposure theory: Here, avoidance is the cause of anxiety. A person remains anxious as long as they avoid that which they fear (ie heights, germs, etc) If shy, you avoid people. In this theory, the moment you stop avoiding but face the things you fear most, you'll defeat your fears.
In my case I had a fear of people, of them talking to me or looking at me, staring at me, I would shake with fear and want to just hide or be as unnoticeable as possible. In your case, you dont feel confident enough to be alone and wanting someone along with you where ever you go, feels like a security measure. They are there, in case something happens so you don't have to deal with it yourself. So by taking someone along, you'd be able to avoid learning how to get beyond this fear. If no one can go, I'd say its the universe saying something to you, that its time. However if you have no wish to learn to be self confident and get over your anxiety yet, not ready to do whatever it takes to get beyond it, no matter how scary and unsettling it feels initially, then you are not ready. You must really want to become self assured and lose your anxieties before you can be helped. YOu'd need to see a professional to get the proper treatment to help you over it. Treatment will include exposure to that which you fear. The thing about fears and anxieties, they are a lot like bullies. Once you face them, they run away with their tail between their legs never to come bother you again.
I want you to read a book shock full of stories of people like you and their own anxieties and how the Dr. who wrote the self help book went on outings with patients in some cases so that they were placed in situations, which for them were scary.
The book is titled, "When Anxiety Attacks" and the author is psychologist Dr. David D. Burns.
THe book is meant to give you hope that there is a natural way to get over your anxieties. Though a self-help book, it is rather complicated and in depth and I found I wasn't even able to pick up on some of the subtle differences of what his example patients suffered from or needed in therapy so beleive me, it takes a 2nd persons observation and insight, that of a professional, trained in CBT.
THat would be cognitive behavioral therapy and if you get started right away on that, I also fairly sure you could be attending that campus tour on your own without any anxieties. That is how quickly and easily many people are cured with this therapy. I was.
Hi! School is starting again and I really feel depressed. I'm in my 2nd year of taking up Secondary Education Major in English but this semester I shifted my course to Psychology. So 2 weeks from now and school is starting again. Everything I do is awkward and being in a new environment again is making me feel sick. I just don't know what to do. I can't eat nor sleep. I don't know if i did the right decision on shifting my course. These past few days I've been really depressed. I'm taking some sleeping medicine just to forget it all. I feel pressured and i can't talk it out with my family or anyone because i know that they will take it as me, being weird or something. Please help me. I want this disgusting feeling that's creeping out on me.
I will be bold enough to state that subconsciously your mind may have caused you to make that recent switch to psychology for a reason. If you find that not just in a new environment but many things can set off feeling depression for you, it may be that you have chosen this course because of a hope it might help you. Very often, people who have counseling or psychologist needs themselves will end up going for a career in the same area themselves. For one thing, they may find what helps heal them and the plus is they can have empathy for others who later come to them for help. I am no psychologist but I have read enough to realize that one type of treatment for depression and anxieties has overwhelming success with many people. I do not know what actual course are taught in college for psychology but if one is offered on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) then hon, it's a must that you take that class!!!
You can get an intro into it right away but reading a book by David D. Burns, a psychologist who switched from only medicine treatments for his patients to using both. CBT is the first choice and if that doesnt help then the small percent of people who dont respond to this re-training of how we think, they get the meds.
Its a self help book called "When Anxiety Attacks." My library has it. SO check yours. Or better yet, get your own copy by going to book stores and asking them to order it for you if its not on their shelf and that way you save on shipping. IT was recommended by a friend for my ex. The friend used to be a counselor but felt so depressed he felt suicidal many times until his wife came across a psychologist who used CBT in treating people. I know you would benefit as some of the things you said ring a bell as typical distorted thoughts. I won't pick on what those statements were but if you read the book, you will realize it for yourself and the book will go along with the new path you have yourself on. And hon, you are not much stranger than most the rest of the population. We all tend to think negative thoughts long before positive ones, and way more negative than positive ones. Its just that a few people naturally know to stop them and counter it with positive ones. Its not quite that simple though for most of us. I myself suffered extreme social anxiety as a child and teen and the exercises mentioned in this book, of which I employed a similar version in my sr. yr of HS, cured me of anxiety within a few short months if even that. Dr. Burns also has a website I will list the link to. I wish you the best dear.
http://feelinggood.com/
I have a friend who sits at our table in middle school but she takes my friend away and I get pissed and now I barely hang out with her I found out a day ago that the friend thinks that my enemy is mad at her and she takes to much time with my friends and I tell her that my enemy isn't mad at her but she says that she is mad at her and I think that she just wants to take away my friends I really need to knw wat to do please i need help or else i could even strangle her what should i do
Since both are named friend in here, I kinda got lost as to who was who. I will give names and then an answer. LEts say Anna is the friend who takes away Teresa. If this is seating in a classroom, either its assigned seat by a teacher in which case you have no control over where Anna or Teresa sit, or its a first come basis and whoever gets there first gets choice of seat. Unless you are speaking of a table at lunchtime. Again, its whoever gets there first type thing. Now if Teresa is sitting with you and Anna invites her to come sit with her elsewhere, ignoring you and Teresa goes, several things could be going on. Its possible to have more than one close/best friend so it need not be competition for one position amongst you girls. And they need to realize that too I don't know if you have even tried talking to both about how it makes you feel. Don't bring it up using you statements like "You make me angry when you invite Teresa away and ignore me." Use 'I-me' statements like "I feel lonely and ignored Anna when you come take Teresa away, and Teresa, I start to feel rejected and lonely when you leave with Anna. Don't assume that both of them realize how you feel. When we are young, we are mostly thinking of ourselves and our own small world and not thinking much about what impact our actions have on others. If it turns out that neither one cares and things don't change to include you, then neither of those two girls deserve the title of being your 'friend' because friends don't treat friends that way. You can find people who respect you and treat you much better than that.
...my mom says she won\'t go anywhere with me if i do and my dad says i\'d look terrible like that. i\'m old enough to do whatever the hell i want. but i want to hang out with my mom she\'s just too fucking judgmental and that\'s one reason why i hate her. how can i convince them to let me do it? i really, really want to do it. Please please please help me!!!
To me as a parent, experimenting with hair isn't a permanent thing like a tattoo so I had no problem with it. Your parents may have an undiscovered fear of what people think of them or will think of them when seeing you with a buzz cut. Legally, there is no law that requires parents to allow their kids the permission on something like this. Only the basics are covered by law so they mush provide housing, food, clothing and not neglect or physically abuse a child. Everything else is open to their own best judgement until you turn 18 and are an adult and the law backs you up on making your own decisions.
You know your parent best. YOu asked, and were told no. Did you ask why your mom would be afraid to be seen with you? She may not have put enough thought into it and not even realize why and not be able to or pretend to not want to give an answer for lack of knowing why. Its a gut reaction for parents, from their subconscious often. I've said no and had my kids politely ask more questions that got me thinking until i saw their point. There is a method I've heard of if a child is turned down to a parent where they ask if they may appeal, like in court. This means you bring more information and different viewpoints to the parents to argue your case without actually verbally 'arguing' with them. The fastest way to shut down a parent considering being reasonable is to come across as questioning their reasoning, calling them names and mean and telling them you hate them. If you can keep a cool head about this, you may still be able to get somewhere.
I want to mention the definition of "judgemental' to make a point that may help you.
It means: an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made. I dont think I heard a judgement in there from either parent. What I heard was bias'es, personal taste, fear of your buzz cut reflecting badly on themselves such as their ability to be good parents, wanting to blend in with general society and believing this cut would not allow your family to do so, negative and distorting thinking where their minds are basically 'fortune telling' what they believe 100% for sure will happen. The issues are within their minds.
You are not a psychologist, neither am I, but perhaps going gently and trying to get each to talk and put into words what their worst fear is, might reveal something you can use to reason your way to getting them to see for themselves that they have no ground to worry about it. You can not present info in a way to make them feel bad, feel embarrassed or wrong because if you point the finger at them or lose your patience and get angry, nothing will happen for sure.
Here is the basic reasoning for Dad. "Dad, you might be right that I might look terrible in that cut but I won't know until I explore it. I don't like fussing over hair and combing/brushing. I don't just want to do it cus other kids do, I want to do it for me. Whats the worst that could happen? I won't like it and I will have to let my hair grow back. You'd have to hate the way I look until my hair grows back.
For Mom, "Mom, if you wouldn't go anywhere with me if I got the buzz cut, I am guessing you'd feel pretty embarassed to be seen with me looking like that right? Is is possible you'd wonder what other parents are thinking of you, whether you're a bad parent because of how I look? What about parents whose kids lost hair to chemo, or had it all shaved off because of a bad lice problem? If it would make you feel better, we could agree to tell people that I shaved all my hair off because of a continual lice problem. If I like my cut and decide to keep it that way, then we tell people I liked the freedom of having no hair to mess with that I decided to keep it this way a while. Otherwise, i grow it back if I change my mind. And with that story, you don't have to fear what other parents may think of you.
If this doesnt work, try an adult family friend or an aunt, uncle or grandparent who see's things your way and ask if they could sometime soon work the topic of you getting a buzz cut into the conversation. Not blatently calling only to talk about this. Something like, hey Ann/Andy said they might be getting a new hair do, a buzz cut soon. How do you feel about that?" They get your parents talking and can then share their own (supportive of you) views. If you are not 18 yet, able to make your own decisions legally, then these are your only chances. If they don;t know, you'll have to wait until 18.
based on 'just not wanting to be seen in public with you' that is not enough information and not a judgement. For example, if she explained that she is afraid of what other parents and friends would think of her parenting skills if you did that, how it would reflect on her, then what is causing her to say no, has nothing to do with judging you.
This guy i talk too kinda flirts with me always teasing me to get a reaction out of me and starting conversations out of the smallest things. He even held me back when i tried to move away to my friend to work together on homework. However we have a history. Last year he was such a jerk to me. I had barely known him he was basically an acquaintance freshman and sophomore year. He and my twin sister talked more than him and i did. He apparently got jealous because i talked to other guys (that were friends. Most of my friends are guys simply because i dont get along with girls not because i want attention). My best friend was a guy and we used to talk all the time and he walked me to class and everything. We were very close. He got mad one day last year and angrily asked my sister if we were dating. He started to resent me alot talking bad about me to my sister saying "he didnt understand me" , "i was too nice", "i was weird" and "i didnt have classes with him". He would also say that she was better than me and whatever. I found out and i made an extra effort to avoid him and not talk to him. He noticed that and he eventually apologized sincerely. This year he has made a great effort to become close to me. He tries to talk to me a lot with the one hour of class we have together. He even introduced himself to my mom as "my friend" when she was around. We're cool now. He always tries to make me laugh, gives me his jacket when im cold, and offers to help me with homework. He keeps saying that i act like his older sister lets call her "Sally". He says we have the same personality, complexion, body shape, and everything. Sally is even into pharmacy which is my dream to go into when i go to college. He says this so often out of the blue and i dont really know how to respond to it or take it. Does it mean he sees me as like a sister or..?
If any person had someone they didn't like, and you reminded them of that person, they most certainly wouldn't pursue being around you on purpose. Why torture oneself so?
This means he's interested in you for you and you happen to remind him alot of his sister whom he probably admires.
But if you wish to know if this means he see's you as a sister or a potential girlfriend, you could ask. However I think you have your answer in his jealously. A guy can feel protective of any females in his life and that is natural and okay. But when it comes to being jealous whenever she talks to other males, the problem isn't in what she is doing, the problem lies inside of him.
First, jealousy is like a warning light of the dash of your car alerting you that something in you is not right and needs attention and fixing.
Jealousy most often arises when there is a fear of loss, loss of job position, a friend, a mate. This would mean that you and he would have to already be in a committed relationship for him to fear losing his girlfriend to a guy who may be better than him. That is his first problem/how he views himself. The second problem is that according to what you've written, there is no such relationship between you and him so he is singly focused to achieve his will which is that you will become his girlfriend come hell or high water. Tho I am no psychologist, I have run into this kind of behavior many times in my life and suffered through the terrible outcomes so just from experience and that of close female friends who told the same stories, I already believe it to be very likely, He is a person not willing to accept defeat or no for an answer, that he has low self confidence as a male and that is a recipe for controlling behavior. I don't know if he's simply copying someone like a Dad or other relative who acts this way and thinks it normal or whether this is now his own thought pattern which is distorted and needs correcting. Having an ex like this, I can say, most people don't like having it pointed out when they have done something wrong or unacceptable. Just like those suffering symptoms are afraid to go to the Dr. for a checkup to discover whats wrong physically, those with distorted thinking or even mental illness often sense something isn't quite right but attempt to cover that up and won't go for help. A few will and those people can go on to have really normal lives and relationships. Its the ones who will adamently profess that they have no problem and everyone else is the issue who do no make good relationship material. This is their mind gives them permission to treat another person in any way they want, controlling, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive. If you think he may be someone like that, it's best to not even encourage friendship with him. Also, from my experience, men who have improper behavior with women, often seek the ones less likely to protest and fight back or attempt to take a strong woman and wear her down until she feels no strength left or care about herself to fight back. I was the strong one. However, I have discovered over time in life that some people look differently on the outside than they are on the inside. I used to be shy/extreme social anxiety as a kid but got over it in last yr of HS with something called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. So I was strong inside, had a good self image but on the outside, I think I still looked meek and weak and like someone who could be pushed around. While it may not be a conscious choice, men will be attracted subconsciously to women who appear to be the least likely to fight them back. So it may be something about how you appear to him that has this guy relentlessly pursuing you. I don't think you are the weak, low self image, moldable, controllable type. So therefore, my advice is to not even give him the chance to spend time with you as a friend as its not likely to be a real good friendship for you and he wants more, wants to possess you as his girlfriend. You say, "We're cool now" which means if you are concerned about his behavior, and want him to remain in your life for now as a friend, you must set down the rules and tell him if he oversteps the boundaries on any of Your rules, that you will disassociate with him and he's no longer welcome to hang around you as a friend. And you need to be ruthless enough to stick to your threat and drop him, cus if you dont when he breaks your friendship rules, he picks that up as a sign of weakness. He will sense there is a good chance to control you cus you let him get away with stuff already. I know you're thinking, but it isn't fair to not give someone a 2nd chance. I understand. If a bad behavior occurred only once in the entire time you've known of this person, then perhaps a 2nd chance is the right thing. However you've mentioned witnessing his jealous ior on more than one occasion. So in his case, set down the rules, and let him know there is no second chances for him if he messes up. Don't let him set the rules and make you dance to his tune or you've already lost and he will pursue you until he gets what he thinks he wants, You.
You want to know if you should stay away from him. I leave it up to you. Right now with his track record, he doesnt sound promising as a friend and scary as a potential boyfriend. Try speaking up more with him, as I believe you're being too nice and keeping all your feelings and thoughts on his words and actions with you bottled up inside. He needs to see a show of strength and self confidence from you to know to not come sniffing around u anymore if you so choose. Just because he's in one class doesnt mean he can grab you and prevent you from going where you wish. The best thing to do there is say, "If you ever latch onto me in attempt to prevent me from moving away or walking away, I will take as an aggression more and threatening to me and I will ask you to release me immediately and if you don't, I will scream my bloody head off until you do. I will not ever tolerate that again. I should have said something before but I have decided life is too short, I need to be more assertive.
Also, I have every right to talk to who ever I wish and be friends with whomever I wish, even males. I will not tolerate you telling me to my face that you dont like it. I won't tolerate you going behind my back and grieving about it to any of my friends, or even classmates. If I hear about it, I will file a complaint with school officials for harassment or bullying, for you attempting to control who I speak to or not. This is about the only thing that can set a person like this in their place, especially if they know you are not willing to remain silent about their treatment of you but share it with all, parents, teachers, principal and police if he becomes violent. Just cus he's in the same school and has been friends with your sister at some time doesnt mean you owe him any friendship. He can stay in the position of acquaintence, someone you know from having an association with through, school, work or as a neighbor or friend of a family member. But there's no obligation to be his friend. Keep that in mind.
Could we just have a moment and give thanks, and show our appreciation to Dragonflymagic for always stopping just to answer our questions. This thread would be dedicated just for her. So come on and say your thank you's! :D
Thank you for sharing your appreciation of me, dragonfly. To be honest, It feels awkward to me to be singled out when i know there are so many others who work just as hard as I do and have great advice too.
I tend to think that we each have our own style in communicating and even in teaching, and some advice seekers are going to respond to the one of us whose style of communication is more likely to ring a bell with them.
So I raise a toast to all of the advice givers on here but especially those who put in as much time as I do, and some of those who haven't been with us as long but are just as terrific in advice giving.
what are some questions for opening intro's about oxytocin
Are you doing a school report on oxytocin? Has a Dr prescribed it to you and you want to know what kind of questions to ask? If prescribed to you, your pharmacist can answer any questions. It might be best to read the paperwork the pharmacist gave you about it. Usually most of us never take the time. But every time I am given something new I've never taken before, I read it thoroughly and it's not until I read in detail the possible side effects, or drug interactions, etc that I end up with questions. If you've lost the paperwork, go ask the pharmacist to print it out for you again.
I had a skin reaction only in sun light to a drug I was given during winter so when spring and summer came is when I had my first reaction. Another time, I got a dry cough that wouldn't go away and saw Dr again and asked if it could be due to a med I was taking and she said yes, it was a side effect, not a common one. Drs. and Pharmacists will only tell you about the most common side effects to any meds they hand you. However, that doesnt cover dozens of others that just might affect a person so you do need to research. If its for a book report, check for info on screen and you might also ask any pharmacist at a time they aren't serving waiting customers and have a moment to talk. Mention you're doing a book report and ask what are the best questions a person can ask about oxytocin.
If my guesses have been wrong, please rewrite your question differently with more detail and start over
I've been going to public school since kindergarten (I'm in eighth grade now), and honestly, I'm frustrated by how little we actually learn at school in comparison to the amount of "busy-work" we do. I only have a few classes where I actually feel as if I'm learning anything - the rest are seemingly pointless. Would homeschooling be a good option? And if so, are there any online learning programs you would recommend? Also, is it a good idea to start in the middle of the school year or should I wait until next year (ninth grade)? Thank you!!
Have you mentioned your feelings to your parents? There may be a chance to get you into a private school. I had to do that for one daughter when she was falling a grade and a half behind others and having trouble reading. We put her in a Christian school but there are non relgious private schools also. This made all the difference for 2 years we could afford it and she got caught up fine.
I am sure there must be home schooling programs in your area, of parents who home school cus that will be your best source of info for your area. Just do a net search for 'homeschooling in ..... and put your state's name. Then through contacting the many groups listed, find out what local groups are in your area. That is where you and your parents will get the information that will best help you make your decision. You might try to arrange with parents to meet several other families with kids your age and ask how it works for them or if any can share about the change from public to home schooling, the plusses and minuses on that. Good luck.
My friend has a crush on this boy and I tell her he is bad news but she doesn't listen to me and I tell her that one day she will find her match but clearly right now he isn't her match he found out when these dum boys told him and she got pissed and left crying later on her crush started dating this girl {whom is not in good condition blahhhh} and he is only dating her because he doesn't like my friend { I suppose } and then one day after he broke up with the girl and my friend was happy and wanted to ask him out but I told her not to and my other friend told us that he is dating another girl and my friend got mad and told her that she is going to tell her
do you think that my friend is a good match for him or tht he likes her and is trying tomake jealous please hurryyyyy helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
I know you must love your friend very much to be so concerned for her. Crushing, dating, relationships, is all an area that most of us learn about the do's and don'ts by experiencing them for ourself. Thats called the school of hard knocks cus you get knocked around a bit, hurt, dissapointed, worried, angry, etc.
Its one thing when it pertains to you, such as you 'asking' us for advice. It's another thing entirely when it comes to seeing someone who could surely benefit from some good advice and you're dying to give it to them so you do. Now imagine it was yourself and that everyone of your friends are giving you advice and saying you're going about something totally wrong. If you were not in the frame of mind to be ready for advice, most likely you would either resent the advice most humans operate. You can't advise until asked to. Heck I know how hard it is, I have 3 daughters who rarely ask for advice and I have to bite my tongue cus I know the answer. I even try the polite way of saying, "I have some idea's on the subject and how to solve your issues, would you like to hear them?" This might be a good thing for you to learn to do with your friends and peers. If they say no, then you must honor that, no matter how hard it will be to see them possibly make decisions that bring them heartache. The only time you go against a persons wishes is if they confide they plan to commit suicide or kill someone else, then you tell the proper adults. The saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water but you cant force him to drink" and that applies to people too. You may even get her to be quiet enough to listen to what you have to say but that doesnt guarantee she will see the light and that someone else just might be right or have a better idea, or heed a warning. Lots of the boys who look like bad news now may eventually mature and grow up to be a male who is an outstanding citizen, a wonderful bf/husband/father. When we are young and starting dating, we dont have previous experience, neither did I and I made mistakes too. Thats inevitable. If a person asks for advice from someone older and more mature than themselves, they are more likely to get the better advice. Relying on advice from ones peers when you're a teen is like the blind man asking another blind man to help him navigate an obstacle course. Not saying that there can be exceptions to ones peers. I have seen some superb advice from teen advice givers on here. But in general, the best thing you can remember is to still love your friend even if they don't listen, and if they later are hurt or crying, give comfort. You can't force a friend to use common sense and ask for advice before making any decisions, but that is the best way to go, no matter what age you get to be.
Keep in mind, during puberty and teen years, girls emotions are running high and often out of control so that doesnt help matters much and there isn't much you can do about that. Dating and going from person to person, breaking up often is what dating is kind-of about. The next person one dates should be a step better than the last, not settling for the same or less. This is the same for older adults. Its just that teens have no idea yet what they like, what they are looking for or who is best for them, and who they would make the best partner for. ITs a learning time so there will be many times one dates for a few days, weeks, maybe makes a month or two before breaking up and moving on to the next person. This does not necessarily make someone a bad person if done for the right reason and the break up in the right way. Dating is for discovering more about a person to decide if its someone you want to stay with long term. However teens don't tend to date for that reason yet instinct makes them break up and look for someone better. When they dont know why, they can tend to repeat their mistake in choosing someone. Thats why there are grown women who ask, why is it I tend to attract all the losers? They have no idea of the purpose of dating, and they are making choices to date these guys and haven't learned to look for clues for potential problems in the new guy from experience with the last ones. Most of us learn something eventually. I know This is NOt what you were looking for but this is reality and the reasons why.
I'm a 16 y/o born female..
I did have a self label of bisexual, and gender fluid. Now, I'm just... Q. (Questioning)
I am more attracted to girls than guys. If I see an attractive guy walking down the street, of course I'll think, "Wow, he's pretty cute!" Same thing with a girl.
However, I am NOT sexually attracted to men. I cannot imagine myself having any sort of sexual relations with a man.. but with a girl, I can.
For the future... well even now.
I can see myself as more of a man. My height is kind of holding me back. I'm 5' 7" ish, and I see guys who are 6' and taller.
I prefer dressing as a guy, and it kind of upsets me when I'm out with my mom wherever, and a person says, "Can I help you two ladies with anything?"
I try making my voice deeper, and I wear a binder from GC2B. I've been thinking about having top surgery.. and maybe even taking Testosterone.
I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
What does this make me??
Does this make me transgender?
From what I can tell of all the transgender stories and interviews I've watched on youtube, a transgender already knows as a little child because its not a sexuality issue at that age. As a kindergartner and younger, you would have naturally gravitated towards boy clothes, boy toys, boys for play buddies, etc and hate being anything girl related. This is something also that becomes evident to parents early on. Some have no idea what it is, and try to hide it while others understand it and want a happy child, no matter the gender so they support their childs gender identification from early on. You said nothing of your childhood, so My guess is that its not a matter of being transgender. If this didnt become an issue until you started puberty, then with the hormones that make your body grow sexually, I would be more inclined to believe what you wonder about is related to what your sexuality is. You may be lesbian and the male half of a pair rather than the female half. Its possible to see men and feel they are handsome but not want sex with them. That is a non issue as far as determining where you are at. I am female and see females I find are exceptionally captivating in looks but have zero desire to ever have sex with a female.It may help you to find an online support group for LGBT teens. Or even one for any age so that you can talk to those who've gone this road already before you. Heres a link to get you started and you can do your own online search for 'LGBT support grous' or add the word teen or youth in there.
http://www.healthyplace.com/gender/glbt-mental-health/gay-support-where-to-find-lgbt-help-and-support-groups/
I know of plenty females who are dykes, and I work with one. She didn't do any drastic changes to her body, just wears her hair cut like a man and wears mens clothes. I wouldn't worry about your height either. There are men of all sizes, my husband is your height, you just looks for partners your height or short if you like. It doesnt really matter. Good luck.
My ex crush keeps smirking at me ... like this morning, he smirked at me and gave me a respectable head nod as I was headed to my office... why????
i no longer like him because I found out he has a fiancée and has been engaged for 3yrs..he told me he was single..he lied bluntly to my face.....I stopped all the chit chats and the walks etc....I totally backed off. he knows I cant have him and he cant have me.....and if he was to mess with me he'd be cheating.....so I was thinkin him smirkin and staring at me aint nothing good....I think he has something up his sleeve...and it aint nothing good...his behavior is odd, im thinkin he may try and rape me....cuz the way he has been actin is very odd........what do u all think any advice? thanks
First all of, you're letting your thoughts run away with you, out of control. All you have is the smirking and the next thought is he might try to rape you? Don't worry, you're not weird. Most people get distorted thoughts every day. Its just that some of us pay too much attention to them or instead of a few, we get swamped in negative distorted thoughts and that is when we need to think of correcting that. There is a way. If this is the case for you (mind you, I'm just guessing) then let me know, I'll let you know what it is, and how you can correct it.
I am thinking that your personality must be a very caring, nurturing, loving person who is sensitive, have intuition, law abiding, always doing the right thing kind of person. Sometimes people like this can due to their caring, sensitive side, leave themselves open to fearing the worst of everything cus all they want is to be treated as well as they treat others. Instead of not letting things get to us, we stew over it, and our mind takes over and we get too emotionally over involved. Does this sound remotely like you? I've been there so I hope I am reading you correctly. If not, I may need other info. But based on how I see your situation out of my own experiences, he already knows how to push your emotional buttons and pull your strings and is smirking get to be mean and get a reaction out of you. And it worked! You are worried now and concerned and imagining the worst. I for one am glad you're no longer with him if he is this nasty of a creature. Its one thing he lied and cheated with you, but to attempt to needle you now that you're keeping your distance is rotten.
Your morals tell you to not get involved with a man who is engaged to someone else. I guess he was hoping you were one of the woman who didn't give a crap and enjoyed being the lady on the side. He isn't worth losing your peace over. I am sure you are hurt as well as still suffering from the emotional ties your heart still has with him so you have feelings yet. Let time heal that. Those feelings will eventually die away as time goes on. The memories remain tho.
I don't know the guy and what he is capable of. If you think he may stalk you to attempt to seduce you anyhow and attempt to rape you if you didn't comply, then make sure to not go where he goes, keep a lookout and be aware of your surroundings at all times and not let yourself be alone whenever you see him up ahead out in public. If you are that afraid and fear he may try something more than a smirk, then ask the person nearest to you as you're walking to pretend they are a friend or boyfriend cus theres a man up ahead who has treated you badly and you are afraid of him. Thats all a person needs to hear to come to your aid and play along. Most people are willing to help as long as they know he's not a killer. In fact, if you have any male neighbors, other male co workers, a male cousin he doesn't know, and you have a stuation where you must run into him daily such as at school or at work or live in same building, make sure some male is willing to hang around with you and make it appear to him as if there is a replacement for him in your life, a protector. It won't be worth his trouble to keep pestering you if he believes there is another male in your life, whether just as friends, or a boyfriend. Good luck dear.
Is it normal to talk to myself?
Sometimes when I am doing homework, particularly when I am just starting a task, I talk to myself...just little things like "so how shall we start?" or "what's next" or "okay, let's.....".
Also, a lot of times if I am doing math, I talk myself through each and every step: "now we multiply by two" "oh look! that works!" "how do we go on from here?...." One of my friends described it like I have a bunch of little men in my head telling me what to do. I don't feel that way, I don't feel like my head is messed up. She didn't mean it that way either, just to clarify.
Anyways, I am wondering, is it normal for me to do that? Can I talk to myself when I'm doing stuff?
Hon, I just want to mention that the other answer you got from advice man was meant for another questioner whom I also answered.
Now as for talking to yourself as you do, I am exactly like that. Have been all my life and I am in my 50s and still do it.
Mostly people may laugh, find it funny, cute or just not understand. I looked on line for articles on talking to one self. People who dont know you at all may think of mental illness but many talk to themselves who aren't mentally ill. Heres a link or two for you to read.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/07/talking-to-yourself-a-sign-of-sanity/
http://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/inter-dependence/talking-to-yourself/
In both links you'll see that its perfectly normal and in fact very good for you as long as you are not speaking negative things, name calling yourself and tearing yourself down. Most talk to themselves in their heads. Not everyone does it aloud.
When I met my 2nd husband, he talked some psychology with me that I'd never heard of. He said that each person has a subconscious mind and that is something everyone accepts, but that subconscious mind also has a subconscious character, or you can call it your 'inner child' a term more people have heard of, so its almost like having another more emotional you, inside of you. Our emotions seem to be part of our subconscious. I have witnessed people who seem to always be sabotaging or hurting or stressing themselves out, and basically, it means they have been fighting themselves internally, fighting their inner child which is also their emotions, feelings and subconscious mind. I just happen to have been best friends with mine since I was a toddler. Sometimes it feels like my conscious mind is the adult and my subconscious is like a little scared child and I recognize that I need to comfort the child and when I do, in essense, I am taking care of what is stressing me out.
Example: I hate going to the dentist. Once I told myself aloud (talking to my sub) you don't have to be scared yet, we haven't arrived at the dentist office yet. And miraculously, I felt no fear. Once I arrived, I told myself, you don't have to be scared yet cus you're not sitting in the exam chair yet. Once I was in the chair, I told myself, You dont have to be scared yet cus they haven't given you the novocaine shot yet. I always kepts pushing back the time at which I could be allowed to get scared. Soon, I got through it with minimal fear. The biggest fear is feeling pain and I know my subc. fears that most so I promise her that I will speak up the moment I can feel something that isn't quite pain yet but its a warning that the novacaine may not be strong enough for how my roots run, or it may be starting to wear off and the dentist will always give me more and so I come out of the experience stress free. If I ignored my subs feelings, I bring stress upon myself. I even have a name for my subconscious, my inner child. It makes sense to me since we are both separate parts of one whole. My husband told me when we met of the name of his and asked what the name of mine was. Well, I'd never heard of such a thing and was speaking to him, "How the heck would I know? I have no clue what the name is!" No sooner had I spoken those words than an indignant voice reared up in my mind saying, "My name is ......." and thats how I learned to become even more in tune with my sub/inner child, recognizing this as not merely talking to myself which is helpful but realizing I was my own best friend and to cooperate and treat my sub the same way one would treat a best friend, or the spouse you love.
Is it okay for teen boys to cry? How serious does something have to be for a guy to cry? Is it okay for guys to cry in public(like at school) or only at home/alone?
That's a lot of questions at once, sorry, just want to know what people think....
There's too much heard in society that males should be strong and not ever cry. I think men came up with that idea, wanting to appear stronger for women. But women, though wanting a man who is strong, also want one who is in touch with his feelings and can cry if the situation is one that humans are prompted to react that way.
Teens in general are so worried about being accepted and liked that they worry about every little bit, how they look, sound, act, etc even males. Media has young males already worried they won't be attractive enough to get a girl. Then they want to be sensitive with their emotions for a girl but at the same time come across different for their male buds, afraid of teasing or losing face with their male friends. I suppose it all boils down to whether you have the self confidence to be who you are and not worry about or take things personally, or feel you dont measure up, or be able to handle teasing without getting upset. If male buddies can tease you about hearing you cried, then your tears are the pay off and the fun of it for them. But if you don't react, eventually they will stop. I personally don't recall guys crying at school, too much teen peer pressure. In public or at gatherings, it depends. Usually the male crying I have witnessed is in response to a sad emotional movie, a moving piece of music, in response to discovering they inadvertantly did something to make their lady cry, hurt or sad, or at the loss/death of family or other loved ones/friends.
If the questions are about crying often, and you stress out easily so you cry often like each day or a couple days a week, then I'd have to say, its not normal if comparing yourself to behavior you see of others. But I wouldn't use that to decide if its okay. For example, you may be an empath and not know it yet. I have a daughter who is one. Some learn to develop this talent as they grow up. But empaths have a 6th sense as far as being able to pick up the moods of others and can too easily be affected by others emotions, instead of being able to just sense them, remain in control of your own emotions and then reach out with encouraging words or a hug to others.
It could be an issue of being extremely socially anxious, shy, having a great fear of other people in general their reaction to you or treatment of you. I was extremely shy as a female when a child and teen. I do remember this issue causing me to be more sensitive and want to cry easily. Of course, most the time, I found ways to hold off until I was alone in a bathroom stall or some such thing where no one could see. Once I gained self confidence, I no longer cried due to that issue. As an adult, the only times I cry is emotional books I am reading, movies, or if the stress of a situation I am going through affects me to want to cry. If its related to stress, I find that if I change my thoughts about what is stressing me, recognize something as too much for me to handle, I will make changes in my life as soon as is possible to avoid the major things that stress me and the minor things, I embrace to grow stronger in character. These are a few of my thoughts on the subject. If you have more questions or a specific situation you want to share about and get advice, let me know.
hey guys, does smoking marijuana feels like drinking alcohol? when they say things and talk are they aware of what they are saying like sober.
honest answers please!
cheers
First question: rolled up Marijuana vs in a pipe or use of bong, is pretty much the same as far as I am concerned. What is different for me is the type of Marijuana.
Next, does it give you a reaction like alcohol? Again, it depends on the type of pot.
I am older, never used it when young but started when a friend said it worked to help with her insomnia which I get alot so I use it for that. i have tried different kinds. I can puff til I empty my pipe and have no reaction from one while another type, one puff and my whole world is spinning and I feel like I can't move. Its like when you've had a bad cold and your equelibrium is off and then max that feeling to the umpth degree. Certainly not the kind of thing to take while operating any equipment or a vehicle if its a type that strong. So whether a person using marijuana is aware of what they are saying or doing probably depends on how strong the pot is. I was aware with the really strong one I avoid now, that I was incapable of walking, moving, rolling over, anything as I didn't have good control of my body, arms and legs. The next day, hubby asked if I remembered anything of our conversation before I fell asleep and I didn't. Not until he brought up topics or things I said did I have a vague awareness of saying some of them. If you plan to try it and haven't before, make sure its a time you won't be driving or someone else driving you hasn't taken it, be at home, at night with no job or school or anywhere to go if you do try any. If for pleasure, you will find one that relaxes you enough so your inhibitions come down same as alcohol and you're more animated and humorous. But too much of the wrong kind can have the same effect as being wasted, too drunk to have control of yourself.
Ok, all my life, I've been praised of how well I can do essays and novels. When I speak, people always listen and they believe whatever I say. Now here's the problem, I was bored and researched on ISIS, and I found out (from reliable sources) stuff that could really scare the crap out of the reader. Now I was really anxious so I posted my thoughts online and left a message ("I'd really appreciate an intellectual conversation on the matter"), after that everyone left me messages saying they're afraid and asking if they should be. Now this is really shocking for me, I knew people actually read what I write, but damn, I'm 16 and this crowd is killing me. Should I delete the post? I'm hesitating because of some insecurity building up inside me. Please help
The best way to avoid having to answer any questions on it is of course to take it down. Even reliable sources, or seemingly reliable sources can be wrong. There is no way to 100% really know anything as true when it comes to whats happening in our world unless it is something that happened to you. Take the Paris bombing for example. We only know what media is presenting to us, but the media werent present at the time it was happening, they can only gather information from people who were present and everyone sees and remembered an experience differently. So when it comes to interpreting anything in the world, the only thing one can 100% trust as a true situation or event is if it is happening to you. My ex and I attended church. He was involved in many things in church and well respected by the image he gave them. They never believed that I was unhappily married to an abusive man. But then, they weren't in my shoes, in my house like a fly on the wall to observe him unnoticed to witness what he really was like. I try not to see things in life as 100% the truth. It may be fun to speculate about some things. But some of the stories out there are down right scary. I choose to focus on one day at a time and not worry about the future and few years down the road. Afterall, there is nothing we can do to stop or change some of the supposed things going on in the world because they are so far gone, the ball has been rolling in a certain direction for so long that its impossible to stop or change directions. With this in mind, if you cant take the pressure of dealing with all the speculation, wondering, fearmongering, fearful panicked people, its best to not start something like this in the first place and take it down. To those who may still contact you, say whatever you wish to distract them, like "oh that was just a school experiment, nothing for you to really worry about."
There Is This Boy And I Think That He LikeS Me Cus When We Hang Out He Is Chill And He SoMe Times touches me but not in a way that bf and gf Way BuT Like He He Puts Gs Hand On My Shoulder And Rubs My Head And Im Not Sure I Have F33lings For HiM And So Nn So That
He is attracted to you and likes you and feels comfortable around you.
Males don't hang out with girls they don't like. It is illogical to spend time with a person pretending to like them. THeres no reason. If he can relax and be himself more with you than others , then he feels comfortable with you and that is a good sign. It hopefully means he is slowly building trust in you as a person that you will treat him well too. The innocent touches are a way to show you that he likes you as more than a friend. On occasion, one may meet a person who is the type who freely gives hugs, and touches to people as they talk simply because its part of their personality and if so, you'll have witnessed him doing that with everyone. If he doesn't, then touching you is a sign he is interested. His interest may be at the friend level, not romantic level yet, if it ever will be, but being female and having a non romantic male friend is quite normal and common. So the question in your mind is whether his interest is on a friend level or romantic level. The best of long term couple relationships are ones where they aren't just the best of friends but have the best strongest romantic chemistry between them.
Sometimes two friends find their feelings change sometime along the way and one begins to develop romantic feelings for the other.
If hes an acquaintance and not really quite a friend yet, then enjoy the friendship and don't worry. If he ever does anything you don't like, as a friend, let him know what it is and why it makes you uncomfortable. If you sense at some point that any gestures from him seem more romantic based than friendship, and you have decided you have no such feelings for him, you need to speak up cus remaining silent gives him false hope. If you end up developing stronger feelings for him or feel you love him, then the best way to not scare a friend away is to reveal it not as a fact of you already being there, being sure you're in love but to reveal it as a process just starting, theres less pressure on him to scare him away. SO say, 'I am beginning to have stronger feelings for you than just friendship." That way if he doenst feel the same he can let you know. It works the other way too, to ask him if those new touches and the kiss means he is starting to develop feelings for you and thats the time to tell him whether you are starting to have the same feelings or whether they don't exist.
Think about how excited with anticipation you were as a little kid the night before Christmas. Now make those same feelings a whole lot grander and more special. If you do not feel these feelings from just being near him, even from innocent touches, then likely at this point you are not attracted romantically to him. I said at this point because you might be in the future. Some love isn't instant love at first sight, dynamite type of explosion in you. Some love starts as a tiny ember, as respect and friendship caring, loving, and slowly grows stronger and stronger over time to become a raging fire of love for each other and thats as valid as the other. I hope this all helps you.
Hi I am an Indian girl going to get married next year...i had a serious relationship with a guy for 4long years and it was going good for first few years and then his mother manipulated him and eventually our relationship became rather disturbing mental trauma to both of us...he had tried to break it up with me, acussed me for his own drinking habits....his mom accused me for the same, whereas he was addicted before entering relationship..anyway I was still trying to working it out n stay with him...thought of giving up on him but couldn't because of my love for him..but then he n his mom insulted me n my family in such a way I found no way to forgive them n got hurt intensely...n decided to go for typical Indian arranged marriage...so my parent found this new guy for me..he is a very genuine person..ealted me loved me gave respect made me feel positive about life...but sometimes I go crazy n start wanting to go back to my ex bf...i think I still love my ex but then responsibility for my would be husband and severe heartache I got from my ex stop me from going back...what should I do?i still feel for my ex n can't forget those memories we had together but again scared to get heartache from him...he won't come back to me that I know because he even said me to let go off him or to die...
I can't say why humans do this, it doesnt make sense but our hearts can often get attached to a person who is not good for us, hurts us, abuses us, is mean, acusing. My first marriage was like that. I married at 20. I still loved him for a long time, had kids with him. But over the years, trust me, that this kind of hurt that you and family feel you can't forgive, a person gets over and goes beyond it. Maybe a person can do that once and then repair the relationship with counseling, even if it happens a couple times before counseling. But when it is a constant way of being treats, slowly your love for the ex would dry up and disappear. Think of it this way, love is like a bank account. In your case, the ex would be making deposits into your hearts account, the deposits are positive things like always speaking kind words, encouraging, complimenting, upholding, doing special favors, giving you the gift of his quality time, always thinking of your needs first, and so on. These are the deposits of love he puts into your hearts bank account. When a man is not putting any of that in but keeps making withdrawals, expecting you to love him despite the fact he doesnt respect and treat you well, then eventually over time, your hearts band account of love runs dry. It's empty and that means you no longer love him.
On the other hand, you speak of memories. I had good memories too in the beginning. But it was a cycle of half and half, half the time good, half bad. But over time, the good days decreased and the bad days increased until at one point, there were no longer any good days. I still have memories of some of the good times. You can't erase memories of your past and that includes a past relationship, but over time, your heart can get over the emotional attachment to him that makes you still feel the love. Just give it time and distance and do nothing to try to contact him or see him on purpose. Just move on with your life and in time, you will see those feelings fade. Good luck on your marriage.
Okay so yeah. My close friend asked me if i would kiss her! We are both bi females in high school.. but have talked about feelings in the past and agreed that it would be best to stay friends. But, she recently messaged me out of the blue asking if I would kiss her. I was reluctant to say that I would, but I had to be honest. I tried asking her about the randomness/abruptness of the question//why the thought even came to mind and she avoided the questions. She said she would make out with me and I thought, okay cool! But then remembered that we wanted to stay friends, but doing this could potentially change that. I just want to know why she suddenly thought this would be a good idea haha and also----do I kiss her?
Close friends, best friends, should be the people you can trust 100%, you know that there is nothing you can say that would make them think bad of you. So if she can not share her thought process of how she came up with this sudden request after you I'd say that somethings up, and what ever it is, she doesn't feel comfortable with you sharing it. That tells me that either she hasn't known you long enough to build trust in you or that there's a chance that even as close as you are and as long as you've known each other, she just doesn't trust you at all and if thats the reason, then you may want to think twice about going beyond the friendship level with her. I say that because when even hetero friends go to the next step and involve sex in any form, even kissing and foreplay, that takes a certain amount of trust and emotions can get attached and run high or go awry if one partner gets offended somehow or feels hurt whether you've said or done anything to warrant it or not. It could potentially become a big drama if you aren't sure about her whys and whether she fully trusts you. Sex is a situation where one should be able to trust their partner. Sex requires great communication too for any couple to be a good experience for both...so if she isn't forthcoming with info now, she may not be then either.
On the other hand, you did say your first reaction was "Okay, cool!" So it sounds like you are open to the idea, even though you both agreed not to previously. It is okay to change one's mind but changing ones mind is not like flicking a light switch, instant light, instant darkness. There is a thought process involved that brings a person to changing their mind. If it is all that important to you to know why, then hold out and dont agree until she speaks up. Otherwise, if you dont' care, then go ahead and make out. However I beleive you do care to some extent about her thoughts and the abrupt change or you wouldn't have written us otherwise.
Hello! Im a twenty one year old female and my boyfriend is twenty two. On December 11th of this year, he and I will be celebrating our six month anniversary. On December 23rd of this year, he will turn twenty three. Then Christmas is two days later. He always says that he hates when his birthday is, that even though he doesn't relish in attention, his birthday never gets the attention he thinks it should deserves. Especially this year since it's his lucky birthday (23 on the 23rd) so I want to get him something for his birthday and Christmas and maybe even because our anniversary was two weeks prior as well.
We've exchanged I love you's and he's met my entire family, his family even told him that for the holidays they want me to fly to where he's from with him so they can meet me, so he and I are pretty close. We have tickets to see my favorite band in six months, his family all resides in Romania and he wants to fly in for a visit soon and asked me to go along, so he and I are planning future endeavors together with the mere hope of both of us still being in love and wanting to be together ("hope" because I can't predict the future, but I can darn well try hard to make forever a possibility for us).
He and I were talking about all of the concerts we've ever been to, I told him one of the better ones that I was completely enthralled the entire time was the Blue Man Group and he said that is one group he always wanted to see live and it turns out, that night when I looked to see if they were coming in my area, they are touring about an hour from where we live so I was going to get those for his birthday for us to both go and see and enjoy while spending time together.
He also has fallen in love with the record player I keep in my room. He loves looking through my collection and when we go to flee markets together, he always looks at the records and tells me to buy them or asks if he buys them, if he can play them in my record player. So for Christmas, I want to get him one - I have one picked out already, in my shopping cart online for only fifty bucks and a five star review.
I'm just apprehensive because I don't know if that is "too much" to spend on our first Christmas together. So, give me your input please, how much you spend on your significant others and whatnot. Please, keep in mind though about our anniversary and that I want to get him something for both his birthday and Christmas. Thanks!
If the spending of the money isn't a hardship on you, then go for it. Sometimes the most perfect gifts are the one you put thought into, listening and watching to see what a person is interested in and then purchasing it for them. I say go for it.
I'm going to college in January and I really want to be accepted into a sorority. I decided to change my style to very preppy with lots of skirts and dresses and bought a lot of good quality designer knock offs that replicate some very expensive items so I look a little wealthy and like I know a lot about fashion.
I also plan to replace all of my makeup with designer makeup items so people see me putting on expensive makeup. I also have a Macbook Air, iPad Mini, iPhone 6 Plus (which I jailbroke to make it look like it has ios9 3D touch so people think it's a 6S Plus), a DSLR camera and some real designer items that I splurged on.
I'm hoping all this stuff will make it easier to get accepted into a sorority than if I just wore normal items that aren't really notable.
I also want to come off approachable though and be the smart, funny, pretty girl that people want to be friends with. I don't want to come off as a rich snob because I really want to make a lot of friends in case the sorority thing falls through.
How can I balance out the two while still being noticed for my "designer" items?
I need to be honest with you hon and talk to you as if you were one of my daughters asking me the same advice. It may sound a good idea and totally fool proof to you but i see instant problems to this based on my own life experiences and books I have read further on the subject.
What you are considering doing is called "creating a false personality, or imposter identity". As long as its based on how you act talk dress etc and not illegal identity on paper records, then its not illegal but it does come with its set of problems. I will list the problems and let you decide for yourself whether you still want to do this or not. At 20 I married and soon after heard of all the things He wished were different about me, so its not sorority based but in essense, I wanted to do the same thing, change who I was to be accepted by the husband. He asked if I'd consider going from brunette to red head, wanted me to get a nose job and get bigger boobs and act differently. I wasnt keen on anything surgical but I changed much of my personality to adapt to what pleased him more. In doing so, I lost my own identity for a while because my behavior changed. Although most people trying to impress someone long enough to get accepted into their life or association (sorority) will do the kind of things you contemplate doing. Designer fashion is harmless and a new style harmless, but its not you. What happens here is once you've set up a false persona, your conscious mind must be on full alert to constantly act a certain way and not let the real you slip through for them to see.
However, being human, we all go on automatic pilot often during our day or week and thats when our subconscious takes over, when you aren't conscious thinking of your actions and thats when the real you comes through. Trying to prevent that from happening is very stressful to a person. It is stressful to keep up a pretense and a person can never know if others like you for who you really are because all they know is the persona you present. Once people discover who you really are and that you were pretending to be something you are not, its mostly likely that you will lose their respect if not their friendship and either you can end up resenting them for how you're treated or them resenting you for not being real with them. Many take it as being 'lied' to and that kills it for them. If you met a guy who thought you truly were the picture you present, he's from rich background and takes you home to meet the family and they discover you are not cus you dont act like a girl brought up in a privileged home, they might forbid him from seeing you or he may dump you being brought up to know he needs to marry into a family with equal wealth someday. Lots of kids will do exactly as the parents say. This all holds lots of future stress and heartache for you if anything goes sideways. If you set up a false persona just to get in to a sorority you think will up your importance, but when away from them try to be yourself to win over a totally different group of friends, you will most certainly be discovered even faster for having duel personalitys or may be called 2 faced and lose respect of both the average kids and the sorority and wealthy types.
So either you find a sorority that matches who you are right now as a person, or you take the path of setting up a false persona with the eventual problems in the future, but doing both is setting yourself up for almost instant failure. People are not stupid. They can be fooled for a while, but when inconsistencies show, they'll notice and then you're in trouble.
I haven't even mentioned the possibility of mental stress, emotional or physical stress to you due to having to be constantly on alert to keep up a false persona. Constant stress of living with a group of girls under that condition while be constant stress, and that kind of stress eventually takes its toll on own body, emotionally with becoming depressing, developing anxieties, or becoming suicidal at worst or over the years causing a myriad of health problems, the most common being constant headaches, some migraines, stress rashs all over the body and stomach ulcers. I know cus I suffered all that while trying to be someone I wasnt for my first husband.
In reality the best policy is to be yourself, never make excuses or feel bad about yourself, be proud of who you are without having to change, and patient to wait to be accepted by those who like you just as you are. Hope this helps you some.