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getting married
Hi I am an Indian girl going to get married next year...i had a serious relationship with a guy for 4long years and it was going good for first few years and then his mother manipulated him and eventually our relationship became rather disturbing mental trauma to both of us...he had tried to break it up with me, acussed me for his own drinking habits....his mom accused me for the same, whereas he was addicted before entering relationship..anyway I was still trying to working it out n stay with him...thought of giving up on him but couldn't because of my love for him..but then he n his mom insulted me n my family in such a way I found no way to forgive them n got hurt intensely...n decided to go for typical Indian arranged marriage...so my parent found this new guy for me..he is a very genuine person..ealted me loved me gave respect made me feel positive about life...but sometimes I go crazy n start wanting to go back to my ex bf...i think I still love my ex but then responsibility for my would be husband and severe heartache I got from my ex stop me from going back...what should I do?i still feel for my ex n can't forget those memories we had together but again scared to get heartache from him...he won't come back to me that I know because he even said me to let go off him or to die...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I can't say why humans do this, it doesnt make sense but our hearts can often get attached to a person who is not good for us, hurts us, abuses us, is mean, acusing. My first marriage was like that. I married at 20. I still loved him for a long time, had kids with him. But over the years, trust me, that this kind of hurt that you and family feel you can't forgive, a person gets over and goes beyond it. Maybe a person can do that once and then repair the relationship with counseling, even if it happens a couple times before counseling. But when it is a constant way of being treats, slowly your love for the ex would dry up and disappear. Think of it this way, love is like a bank account. In your case, the ex would be making deposits into your hearts account, the deposits are positive things like always speaking kind words, encouraging, complimenting, upholding, doing special favors, giving you the gift of his quality time, always thinking of your needs first, and so on. These are the deposits of love he puts into your hearts bank account. When a man is not putting any of that in but keeps making withdrawals, expecting you to love him despite the fact he doesnt respect and treat you well, then eventually over time, your hearts band account of love runs dry. It's empty and that means you no longer love him.
On the other hand, you speak of memories. I had good memories too in the beginning. But it was a cycle of half and half, half the time good, half bad. But over time, the good days decreased and the bad days increased until at one point, there were no longer any good days. I still have memories of some of the good times. You can't erase memories of your past and that includes a past relationship, but over time, your heart can get over the emotional attachment to him that makes you still feel the love. Just give it time and distance and do nothing to try to contact him or see him on purpose. Just move on with your life and in time, you will see those feelings fade. Good luck on your marriage.
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