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Confidence? What is that? :( :/
Hii.. :) I have problem with myself.I dont love myself.I have lowsel estem.I wouldnt say im fat and i wouldnr say im think i would say im chubby(actually im 157cm and i have 50 kg). There are days when i think i look so good but then they are days when i dont even want to look at the mirror.Everybody expects from you to be perfect all the time any time.Its not imposible.I love fashion and dressing up and its my passion and i love reading..So i read a lot about that you cant love anyone else if you first dont love yourself and stuff like that.But then when i get my confidence there's society.Looking at girls who are famous and have money just by being pretty while i study all day and am still affraid about my future. Sometimes i want just to stop with everything,i want to seee how it feels to be famous,popular or being in centar of attention.I want to rest a littlebit from my rough days.I look at some girls in my school going around and comenting about who's what wearing and their hair. Why is that so much importat look at youself.Why gosssiping? Why? Mind your own buissnes...So in this world i feel like just one not important stranger. I feel like ill never find someone who trully loves me because who am i andnot because of my looks.Ofcours you first see look but i rather be with someone who is not that pretty but you can talk to..I am going from one thing to another. But my main goal is to get confidence and i dont know how.There is always something bringing me down,some voice telling me im not good enough.I ahte my height i may grown more bc im in my teenage years but i wouldnt be that much of a change. I may grow 3/4 cm and nothing more(Im now higher that my mum so i dont think ill grow more) and i hate my body. I have lots of pimples while my friends still dont have or have but just a little.everytime i try to lose weight nothing happend and i find myself always quiting after failures and failures..while other girls which are just bones and skin are like im too fat look at me and blah blah blah and then eveyone is like no you are perfect and blah blah blah.. I dont know what to do? Do you have any advice? :) ♥
Thank you? :)
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Confidence can be regarded as a state of being certain that is either hypothesis or prediction is wright or a decision action is the best and more effective. It normally falls in two categories, either in self confidence or overconfidence. Having confidence in one self is termed as self confidence and over confidence is having unmerited confidence whereby someone thinks to be correct when they are not.Confidence can be viewed as a self fulfilling prophecy due to an innate ability.
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First off you are normal!
I think all girls/women go through this at different times in their life.
You are young and you have to worry about other girls around you judging and whats hot and whats not.
Believe it or not your friends are probably going through it too! people dont always share. They put off that they are so confident and secure when in fact they are not.
for your skin.. try an over the counter facial cleanser and products that target pimples.
also sometimes pimples are triggered by eating sugars so try and cut back on that.
as far as your weight.. concentrate on eating healthy! its not easy and sometimes we crave bad things and when you dont beat yourself up over it! have your moment and get back on track!
once you start taking care of your nutrition, the unwanted weight will come off and in case it doesnt all fall off you are healthy and thats the most important thing!!
Ignore the celebs and the people in the magazines lots of times its all fake!! lately celebrities have been sharing the real photos and they wear a TON of makeup! they cover their flaws.
and work on loving yourself. Look in the mirror and say i love you!.
It may feel weird and it may make you feel emotional at first but it will get better. and just know that you are worth it! you wouldnt be here if you werent! xx
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I wish there were more mature girls like you. Unfortunately, girls are easily brainwashed by Hollywood and the media that tells them that super skinny is hot or ideal. Well, its really not. Some guys like skinny girls, but I would say most guys like girls with some meat on them. You saying that you are chubby at 110 pounds is a perfect testament of what good a job they are doing at making girls think that super skinny is the only way to go and if you're not super skinny then you're unattractive. This is simply not the case.
The whole gossip thing and girls being mean to each other and talking behind each other's back is just something immature girls do. And you're gonna find a lot of them. You won't be able to stop them so don't even try. Its just something you're gonna have to put up with. Its their nature. Fortunately there's girls like you that are not like that and see it for what it is. Some immature crap. You can't change others. You can only change yourself. Another aspect of this immaturity is the whole popularity contest and constantly trying to look prettier than another and putting down those who don't fit the profile of what they think "pretty" is. Don't buy into that. For those girls that don't grow out of it, will likely grow up to be very shallow, materialistic and are constantly struggling to stay pretty and popular.
So don't feel bad about your body. Your height and weight are perfectly fine. You're not super tall or fat at all, so don't trip. The pimples are most likely that you're still in the process of becoming a young woman and its just hormones that makes this happen. You'll grow out of it as we all do. If you want to help your skin, drink plenty of water, drink water with a little organic apple cider vinegar, keep your face clean and stay away from greasy foods.
Wanting to be rich and famous is pretty common of course. But don't feel bad because you aren't. If you want to live miserably, constantly compare yourself to others. If you compare yourself to others, one of you will seem "better" than the other. Most likely you'll feel bad about yourself because you don't measure up because you're comparing yourself to someone better looking or rich or whatever. Basically, that they possess qualities that you wish you had because you think that if you had those qualities, you'd be happy. Since you don't possess those qualities, then you feel unhappy. (But its all a sham. Happyness comes from within, not from the stuff you have or the money.)On the other side of the coin, you'll compare yourself to someone and feel superior to them. Like a lot of those girls who are trying to "outpretty" each other. You don't want to be like that either. So don't compare yourself to others, you'll only make things worse.
Another misconception you have is that you're always supposed to be perfect. Any adult can tell you that is pretty ridiculous. That the reality is that NOBODY is perfect. So why try to be? You're never gonna be perfect is neither is anyone else. We are only human. So take that weight off your shoulders by dropping the belief that you always have to be perfect. Remember that nobody is. Not even celebrities. Even rich and famous people are so miserable they commit suicide. Or take drugs to escape their reality. Money and fame don't buy happiness, nor does it make them better people. Happiness comes from within.
The "not feeling good enough" is also common. I think pretty much most of us have that in one way or another.
Teenage years and the social aspects of school can be pretty brutal. Especially with mean, gossiping girls talking shit about each other. Its a phase that starts in teenage years and that's when its at its worse. Thankfully, its not forever.
I would say to start loving yourself by first accepting yourself, perceived flaws and all. (you are being way too hard on yourself for not being or looking like these skinny girls. You sound perfectly normal and healthy to me) Also accepting what is. Meaning: your life, life situation, circumstances, school, gossiping girls, other people in general. Just accept that THAT is what it is for now. I'm not saying you have to like it. Just accept that it is what it is. By accepting yourself as you are (remember that nobody is perfect anyway) and accepting life as it is (life is not perfect either), you will drop the stress and anxiety that comes with trying to be perfect or wishing things were different. You say you like to read. Read "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. Great book. You can probably find it online for free or maybe even on youtube.
Don't know much about confidence. But when I've felt the most confident was after achievements. Like getting better at a sport or a musical instrument or whatever skill I gained. After adopting the "accepting myself as I am" mentality and that I don't have to be perfect and not caring what others think, the need to "be confident" to be accepted went away.
So to sum it up:
1. Don't compare yourself to others.
2. Remember that nobody is perfect and no one truly expects you to be. If they do expect you to be, they're delusional. Since they're delusional, no need to worry if you're not perfect.
3. Accept yourself as you are and accept what is.
4. A good way to bring happiness is to practice being thankful. You can start by being thankful for the things you take for granted. Like that you have a home, a bed to sleep in, you eat every day, you have a computer and internet, you're not sick, you are able to do most things physically, that you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch, etc. Might be a good idea to write down the things you are grateful for too.
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right lets break this down.
your still in your teens which means that your body is maturing and your body in is the middle of a transition period of child to adult.
you say yuoir dieting...STOP!... you need to have the right frame of mind before you can even think about dieting. From the details above you don't need to diet your weight is good for your height and your age.
don't focus on your peers with how clear their skin is everyone is different.
you spoke bout loving someone. ignore the saying of 'you cant love someone without loving yourself' some people learn to love them self when they find that someone that makes them happy.
stop looking at famous people for inspiration on their looks. if you are going to use famous people as your role model go for how they are with their confidence and etc (for me Sharon osbourne is my role model - she is a confident woman who isn't afraid to fight for what/who she believes in, she has had to fight so hard to be where she is today after loosin her whole family becase she fell in love with ozzy.) your fashion sense needs to be what makes you feel comfortable not what you think everyone else will like. if they comment on what you wear then just respond with at least its my own style im not trying to be someone im not.
everyone is important hunny.
you will find your confidence when you find yourself. follow your heart with what you want. if you don't want to look in the mirror on a daily basis they don't worry about it everyone has them days its apart of being human hunny.
if you have anymore questions or you are unsure on what I have said please feel free to private message me. I will be happy to help you x
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I am going to mention 2 things for you.
First since you said you are a teen, there is some chance that perhaps hormones have part of the effect on how you feel about yourself. All females when puberty hits and hormones are released find their emotions and feelings go haywire. What I mean is extra touchy and irritable or extra sad and weepy. If a young female has an overload of hormones, instead of weepy and sad she can become depressed and/or suicidal, or on the other side violently angry, fighting. I mention this since you said you vascillate back and forth sometimes liking your looks and other times not.
Most teen girls worry about their looks. I had 3 girls who are now young adults. At 20, 21 they all still had really bad acne/pimples, its a part of growing up for many but I see more kids having it as our planet becomes more toxic and polluted than when I was a kid. I didn't have acne as a problem as a teen and only a rare peer had a bad case. My daughters dont really have it anymore. Lots of it has to do with getting beyond the age that your body is still changing and growing. So be patient and time will help. Pay attention also to what you eat. If I get too much chocolate or fats over a couple 3 days period, then even in my 50s, I will develop a pimple or two. Cut down or avoid foods where you break out more after eating, like a day or two later. The next bit might help or not butworth a try. Mmassage your face. Read up on line about lymph nodes and how they drain. Remember how a Dr. will check to see under chin near ears if your lymph nodes are swollen, its because the natural drainage of spent, toxins in the body is usually carried out of your system via lymph nodes and there are places to massage the face that encourage this and better blood flow too which all can help some.
Now, as for self confidence, that is a very important thing, more so than how you actually look. Think of people you see at a gathering. Are you attracted to go over and talk to the person who tries to blend into the background and not be seen, wont use eye contact and kinda mopes around, or are you attracted to meet and chat with the outgoing, more friendly, self assured smiling person? Human nature makes us want to be around positive people. So its a matter now of how to get there. Here's what to try for an exercise to get there. I will suggest that you borrow the self confidence of a celebrity until you have some success that way and automatically then produce your own. i will spell it out using my own personal success on that. When close to leaving my ex, I wanted self confidence for soon being single again. I can't remember where i heard it, but basically you think of a famous popular celeb that you come close to or have one feature that you like about you the most and think of a celeb who has the same. Or go for overall looks. I liked my eyes and thought of an older actress who had stunning eyes. Then whenever I left home, was about to enter a building, room, a gathering or party, I closed my eyes and concentrated on my eyes looking like hers, and imagining walking in and getting the kind of attention a celeb or popular person would get. After all, this is something you want to experience and most likely will if you can make it work. I wasn't too sure about it but freaked out when I got results, even after some time when I stopped picturing my eyes as looking like hers. Everywhere I went, men and women commented on how pretty, beautiful or mesmerizing my eyes were. I never got that before. I got these compliment even when not wearing makeup. A person needs a taste of success like that to be able to continue to grow their own self confidence and that is the best way I know how, experiencing something like that.
Before you think that it isnt worth trying, let me share another story. I once attended a nudist place in summer and you see people of every body type there, the beautiful model types but mostly average people. Without clothing to hide under, you see everyones wrinkles, freckles, flab and obesity. There were 2 woman present who were huge. The size of two average sized men together, and had rolls upon rolls of excess fat. One was popular and had people gathered around her, the other didnt attract anyone for conversation. With body types that were alike, I found the popular one to actually feel prettier to me, in fact looking at her face, even as a female, I could see beauty there. Then there was that which our subconscious can't see but all people are able to pick up on, self confidence. This one overweight women loved herself, was comfortable in her own body and had no problems with the way she looked and that is what people, including me, picked up on and were attracted to wanting to meet and talk to her. I'll never forget that the rest of my life. It was so inspiring an event for me to witness. And she was just being herself, not even trying hard to be something she wasnt. So once you gain self confidence, you will find it attracts men as strongly as looks do but if its a toss up over looks without confidence and average to plain looking with self confidence, tests done on men have proven they are attracted to self confidence and find that sexy. It is young males your age who just like females are sucked in to media's representation of what beauty is. They worry over their own looks to some extent too. And they are fooled into believing a slim body with big boobs is going to make them happy and satisfied in life. Then at some point most men grown up, sometime past mid 20's for most and they realize they have not been happy with the pretty lady with no brain between her ears, pretty but a drama queen, etc. and they develop their own taste in a woman that varies greatly from what media presents as the prize. In fact, some men prefer the bigger woman. Keep in mind what you look like as a teen is not what you will look like once you're in your later twenties for example. I know I grew prettier in looks and so did all my sisters, so did all my daughters. So you can't really judge your future success in relationships by how you look now. But you can work on the self confidence part now. Your peers may not be the best to practice it on, try to see the reaction from the average stranger whereever you go, shopping, to the movies or park or where ever. i wish you the best dear.
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