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What does it mean when guy says you act like his older sister?
This guy i talk too kinda flirts with me always teasing me to get a reaction out of me and starting conversations out of the smallest things. He even held me back when i tried to move away to my friend to work together on homework. However we have a history. Last year he was such a jerk to me. I had barely known him he was basically an acquaintance freshman and sophomore year. He and my twin sister talked more than him and i did. He apparently got jealous because i talked to other guys (that were friends. Most of my friends are guys simply because i dont get along with girls not because i want attention). My best friend was a guy and we used to talk all the time and he walked me to class and everything. We were very close. He got mad one day last year and angrily asked my sister if we were dating. He started to resent me alot talking bad about me to my sister saying "he didnt understand me" , "i was too nice", "i was weird" and "i didnt have classes with him". He would also say that she was better than me and whatever. I found out and i made an extra effort to avoid him and not talk to him. He noticed that and he eventually apologized sincerely. This year he has made a great effort to become close to me. He tries to talk to me a lot with the one hour of class we have together. He even introduced himself to my mom as "my friend" when she was around. We're cool now. He always tries to make me laugh, gives me his jacket when im cold, and offers to help me with homework. He keeps saying that i act like his older sister lets call her "Sally". He says we have the same personality, complexion, body shape, and everything. Sally is even into pharmacy which is my dream to go into when i go to college. He says this so often out of the blue and i dont really know how to respond to it or take it. Does it mean he sees me as like a sister or..?
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If any person had someone they didn't like, and you reminded them of that person, they most certainly wouldn't pursue being around you on purpose. Why torture oneself so?
This means he's interested in you for you and you happen to remind him alot of his sister whom he probably admires.
But if you wish to know if this means he see's you as a sister or a potential girlfriend, you could ask. However I think you have your answer in his jealously. A guy can feel protective of any females in his life and that is natural and okay. But when it comes to being jealous whenever she talks to other males, the problem isn't in what she is doing, the problem lies inside of him.
First, jealousy is like a warning light of the dash of your car alerting you that something in you is not right and needs attention and fixing.
Jealousy most often arises when there is a fear of loss, loss of job position, a friend, a mate. This would mean that you and he would have to already be in a committed relationship for him to fear losing his girlfriend to a guy who may be better than him. That is his first problem/how he views himself. The second problem is that according to what you've written, there is no such relationship between you and him so he is singly focused to achieve his will which is that you will become his girlfriend come hell or high water. Tho I am no psychologist, I have run into this kind of behavior many times in my life and suffered through the terrible outcomes so just from experience and that of close female friends who told the same stories, I already believe it to be very likely, He is a person not willing to accept defeat or no for an answer, that he has low self confidence as a male and that is a recipe for controlling behavior. I don't know if he's simply copying someone like a Dad or other relative who acts this way and thinks it normal or whether this is now his own thought pattern which is distorted and needs correcting. Having an ex like this, I can say, most people don't like having it pointed out when they have done something wrong or unacceptable. Just like those suffering symptoms are afraid to go to the Dr. for a checkup to discover whats wrong physically, those with distorted thinking or even mental illness often sense something isn't quite right but attempt to cover that up and won't go for help. A few will and those people can go on to have really normal lives and relationships. Its the ones who will adamently profess that they have no problem and everyone else is the issue who do no make good relationship material. This is their mind gives them permission to treat another person in any way they want, controlling, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive. If you think he may be someone like that, it's best to not even encourage friendship with him. Also, from my experience, men who have improper behavior with women, often seek the ones less likely to protest and fight back or attempt to take a strong woman and wear her down until she feels no strength left or care about herself to fight back. I was the strong one. However, I have discovered over time in life that some people look differently on the outside than they are on the inside. I used to be shy/extreme social anxiety as a kid but got over it in last yr of HS with something called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. So I was strong inside, had a good self image but on the outside, I think I still looked meek and weak and like someone who could be pushed around. While it may not be a conscious choice, men will be attracted subconsciously to women who appear to be the least likely to fight them back. So it may be something about how you appear to him that has this guy relentlessly pursuing you. I don't think you are the weak, low self image, moldable, controllable type. So therefore, my advice is to not even give him the chance to spend time with you as a friend as its not likely to be a real good friendship for you and he wants more, wants to possess you as his girlfriend. You say, "We're cool now" which means if you are concerned about his behavior, and want him to remain in your life for now as a friend, you must set down the rules and tell him if he oversteps the boundaries on any of Your rules, that you will disassociate with him and he's no longer welcome to hang around you as a friend. And you need to be ruthless enough to stick to your threat and drop him, cus if you dont when he breaks your friendship rules, he picks that up as a sign of weakness. He will sense there is a good chance to control you cus you let him get away with stuff already. I know you're thinking, but it isn't fair to not give someone a 2nd chance. I understand. If a bad behavior occurred only once in the entire time you've known of this person, then perhaps a 2nd chance is the right thing. However you've mentioned witnessing his jealous ior on more than one occasion. So in his case, set down the rules, and let him know there is no second chances for him if he messes up. Don't let him set the rules and make you dance to his tune or you've already lost and he will pursue you until he gets what he thinks he wants, You.
You want to know if you should stay away from him. I leave it up to you. Right now with his track record, he doesnt sound promising as a friend and scary as a potential boyfriend. Try speaking up more with him, as I believe you're being too nice and keeping all your feelings and thoughts on his words and actions with you bottled up inside. He needs to see a show of strength and self confidence from you to know to not come sniffing around u anymore if you so choose. Just because he's in one class doesnt mean he can grab you and prevent you from going where you wish. The best thing to do there is say, "If you ever latch onto me in attempt to prevent me from moving away or walking away, I will take as an aggression more and threatening to me and I will ask you to release me immediately and if you don't, I will scream my bloody head off until you do. I will not ever tolerate that again. I should have said something before but I have decided life is too short, I need to be more assertive.
Also, I have every right to talk to who ever I wish and be friends with whomever I wish, even males. I will not tolerate you telling me to my face that you dont like it. I won't tolerate you going behind my back and grieving about it to any of my friends, or even classmates. If I hear about it, I will file a complaint with school officials for harassment or bullying, for you attempting to control who I speak to or not. This is about the only thing that can set a person like this in their place, especially if they know you are not willing to remain silent about their treatment of you but share it with all, parents, teachers, principal and police if he becomes violent. Just cus he's in the same school and has been friends with your sister at some time doesnt mean you owe him any friendship. He can stay in the position of acquaintence, someone you know from having an association with through, school, work or as a neighbor or friend of a family member. But there's no obligation to be his friend. Keep that in mind.
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