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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So I'm a guy btw and my cousin (I'll admit she's always been attractive) has always been a total b*tch to me. Basically, she's always been a fitness nazi and super condescending (I was always a pretty chubby guy, but I got with the gym scene in college and stuck with it ever since).

Anyway, she just flew in for Thanksgiving and, I kid you not, she gained like 25 lbs! Right now, she's sitting in our living room in yoga pants and slippers, eating pie! Her butt got huge and she's got love handles now, and it's not even Thanksgiving.

Also, here is a pic of her shoes (for the lulz, I guess) http://i.imgur.com/3sd0uAr.jpg

My mother just asked her "So, how've you been? Everything alright?" and her response was "Yeah, I broke up with --- and I guess I put on a few holiday pounds, but *mouth full* I've never felt better".

I feel bad saying this, but - I really like seeing her like this. I'm not intimidated by her anymore. She just finished an entire pie (which was for Thanksgiving btw) with her feet up on our ottoman, went upstairs to the fridge, came back down with ben&jerry's and is out of breath. I mean, the same person that I was so nervous around has crumbs on her face and just wiped her hands on her shirt!

But, another part of me actually feels kind of awkward/guilty watching her give in to every little temptation and craving (mainly because that's what I used to do, and she was quick to criticize me)

Thought? Help? Advice?

What you are feeling is somewhat like "getting revenge on her for treating you as she did when the tables were turned, without having to actually do anything to her to feel the satisfaction of revenge. However, the reason you feel conflicted is likely your conscience telling you that what you feel is not right either. In life, we only have total control over changing and improving ourselves, not over ability to make others change.
So it is best to focus on you. So even if you dont say the things to her that she did to you, you are reveling in it. Who hasn't? At least once in life, we can all remember a time when we gloated over someone. Its a natural reaction, not the best one, but if we're honest, we all have done so.
The best thing for you, would be to find a way to be able to forgive her, even if she doesnt ask for it or see a need to. you dont need to tell her she's forgiven, that doesnt fix her current problems and it really doesnt do much for you either. If you want to know what a possible next step is, try to take the time to put yourself in her shoes. Treat her with respect and care and unconditional love, all the things she with held from you. This isn't about whether she deserves it or not. Its about healing both for your pain from the past and also healing for her from her more recent pain of a break up. I have a feeling she's not sharing something. SHe never may, but whatever in detail happened with her boyfriend, whether how he actively treated her or just how she distortedly concluded what things meant, she is very deeply hurt to the point of loss of self worth, self image, self confidence, Hurt and possibly stuck in the grieving process of her loss. She may not be ready to share whats really going on inside her. She needs empathy tho and if anyone knows what its like to be in her current 'shoes', that would be you. If you can find a way to start a friendship now with your cousin, be supportive, encouraging and gain her trust, perhaps the day will come where she trusts to share with you what happened and you can encourage and support her in regaining her self confidence as a woman. She needs someone who can be encouraging no matter how she brought this all upon herself, including treatment of you and whatever her complicating matters in the past relationship. She needs a hand to grasp to help pull her out of the pit she's created for herself.
SHe might not be ready. Use tact if you choose to speak to her. If you ask how she is feeling emotionally since the break up, what actually happened, thats a good way to start. Try to find one little thing that you can compliment her on that is part of who she is. Even tho she was bitchy person in the past and may still be, having unconditional love sent her way just may change her. So dont remind her what she said or did but you could share in general how you felt when once chubby and use other people to make a point. Point the finger at her and she just may shut down before you can help. I hope this gives you some ideas. Good luck.

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About two years ago, I posted this question on here - http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614037. My point of view has changed since then. The "bad" news, if you can really call it that, is that I view myself worse now than I did when I asked that question originally. I am not vocal to people that I know about my desire not to allow myself to move on, but I don't deserve to. At all. I deserve to die, and I am now looking at ways to die without anyone blaming anyone. If I commit suicide, I know people will blame themselves and I don't want that at all. I don't mind people hating me. In fact, I don't see why more people don't hate me and it's starting to annoy the living daylights out of me. It is really getting on my nerves when someone tells me I have potential to be good. It is starting to anger me that people are encouraging me to move on and live a better life.

I have attended the offending related programme I was ordered to, and learned a lot from it. According to the psychometric testing, I improved in every area except one, which is my self-esteem. For some stupid reason, staff at the probation office I visited believed I should move on. I went through their core programme and did very well in that. I went through their relapse prevention programme and did very well in that, albeit as a relapse prevention programme, and not as the "Better Life" programme they advertise it as. I have volunteered for two and a half years and this has only kept me out of the house on a daily basis. It has not proven to me to be a soul-inspiring time. It hasn't enforced some positive outlook. Although it has shown me that nothing I can do will ever repay the evil I have done.

Basically, I've asked myself why I should move on for almost four years in total and have always known that I shouldn't. I've asked why I deserve to have this great life, this nice job, nice house, this positive future that people say I "deserve", and the truth is I don't, and I know this. Yet I find myself questioning whether I really do know it. I can always say I categorically do, but can never say that I categorically don't, just that I "might not know for certain". How many more times do I need to ask myself before I accept that I'm right and that I don't deserve to move on and that every person I have worked with is a complete moron?

I looked at your previous message. It seemed to me that you didn't feel a person deserved to live if having committed the crimes you stated. So I don't see how anything has gotten worse now... at least I don't see the connection. A low self esteem needs a good psychologist take help you discover what events in your life happened that caused you to feel this way. I don't know what all you received if anything in the form of treatment to change and improve that which is bothering you deep down inside that you aren't even aware of. I looked up what wikipedia had to say about psychometrics. The psychometrics testing you mentioned is not a possible cure. It is only a measuring "theory" applied to try to analyse a persons behavior. THis isn't set up to discover the underlying problem that started you down this path. I've recently read a book by a psychologist who learned of the CBT method of working with patients and got more results, fasters results and total cures for people with all sorts of supposed psychiatric issues that were only supposed to have meds to fix them. YEs, it's mostly about depressions and anxieties but in all cases, it was how someone interpreted an action or words towards them and their resulting distorted thoughts and emotions attached to those thoughts that caused problems in life for them. So I highly suggest you check out this website and maybe ask for a referral to a Dr. who uses CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) in your area. If anything can get to the root of your issues, when they started, there's a good chance of helping you to gain a healthy self esteem.


Now as to the issue of whether a person deserves to live for their bad actions is a sticky situation and much of how people will decide, I believe is based on what their spiritual beliefs are.
If you believe the basic CHristian beliefs that we all get only one chance to get it right in our current life and accept Jesus and get his forgiveness of our sins so we can go to Heaven instead of Hell, many humans feel their crimes are so bad that they don't deserve forgiveness. They abused, hurt, killed someone, messing up anothers life or ending that life too soon so they didnt have a chance to get right with Jesus. I know the beliefs, I used to attend church. I still believe in God, Jesus and Holy Spirit but with a different twist now, basically that we all reincarnate, that you've lived lives before and will live more lives after this current one. That put a whole new spin on my life, and the pressures of messing up aren't as heavy or impossible to live with.

Imagine the planet earth is one giant school created for the training and spiritual growth of souls. You may not believe this, but If something inside you says to take a look at this belief, I think it could turn around your life.If you could look at what you've done, as flunking on a test at school so you need to learn and experience more to get a passing grade to move on to the next grade eventually, it makes more sense.
Just think, if every kid who screwed up at least once in school thought they didn't deserve to continue on as a student and checked out of school/dropping out, then all schools at all levels would be entirely empty. Thats what happens when someone commits suicide, feeling for some reason they should no longer be allowed to live, so they check out of their current life too early before they have a chance to really learn something and make some good changes with their life.

The big day for me was when I came to believe in reincarnation. Instead of the one life to get it right, God shared with me that we get many chances to pass each soul grade level on earth.
Think again of real school. It has basic subjects for you to master before you move to a higher grade level. Same for souls. So while one may learn one subject but fail on the rest, it doesnt mean you are bad, or unteachable, untrainable. In souls life, it means you may have learned some things but not all to pass a grade, so next life you work on the rest of it. Of course we aren't forced to go through the learning/schooling process either because God gave us each a will which He will not take away. This means if a soul skates thru life not learning a single thing, he will have to repeat the next life at the same level. Say you're entering 10th grade but you run away from school, drop out. Its hard to get a job without HS diploma so theres another chance with GED. God is all about more chances. He doesnt condemn us as student souls, only we condemn our selves and don't beleive we deserve to live, to have more chances, no matter what we have done. I will be praying that your angels are able to get through to you to give you hope. Even if you don't feel you're at a point to be involved in some religious or spiritual belief system, that is okay too. But the belief in reincarnation is what helped me to forgive my ex for many years of abuse. I needed the hardship and struggle in my life to grow spiritually and without that pressure and opposition, I wouldn't have had the chance to learn and grow. With that in mind, it means someone has to be the fall guy, the bad guy. Like Judas in the bible. But Jesus forgave Judas, it was a necessary part of Judas's learning and growth in life. However, Judas could not forgive himself and ended his own life. He didn't have to, neither do you. It is your very beliefs currently that hold you back from moving on with this life, your belief that you don't deserve to move on. Yes, you've interfered in others lives, damaging/hurting them, maybe even killing. You don't need to receive forgiveness from family of those you've harmed to be set free to continue on, you only need to forgive yourself. Learning to forgive you is perhaps what other souls need to go through. Depending on their belief system, they may not be able to do so either. This is probably too much for you to deal with but I can only share advice from my own life and perspectives. So if this isnt a help to you, I am sorry but i still wish you peace. If you would like to talk to me some more to help sort thru your beliefs, I'd be willing to listen to what else you have to share that you might not yet have done so.

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The reason it scared me was because he had already threatened to cut my dogs in tiny pieces I am going to the college here in town so I switched from night classes to day classes.

You've written before? He threatened while the dogs were with your Mom? If so, go back to police and ask them what you can do to be safer. Take some self defense classes too.

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If a Baptist woman married into a catholic family and started attending catholic church, would it be wrong for her to be offended by some of their catholic beliefs that she doesn't agree with? Would it be wrong for her to be irritated by them trying to push her beliefs on her like she's supposed to live her life their way even though she knew they were like that before she got married?

What if the woman and her husband were married near her home town even though it's ten hours away from where she and he live now. The wedding was in a Methodist church (because it was the prettiest in town) and her former Baptist preacher officiated. Everyone in the groom's family was on board except his grandmother. She is set in her ways and told his parents that they weren't really married because a catholic priest didn't marry them. What does that even mean? That marriage is only a catholic thing? That's BS! I would never tell an atheist that they weren't really married because marriage is only a Christian thing. It's irritating that she would say something like that and have that, "My way is the ONLY way" attitude.

Then the man and woman have a son the same year that the man's brother has a baby with his wife. They're the two newest of the grandmother's numerous great grandchildren, but they're the only ones that she won't acknowledge because they're not baptized. The woman just doesn't believe in baptizing babies because they don't know what it means to be baptized. They don't understand sin, they don't know who Jesus is or what he did for us, so baptism is meaningless to them. The Bible says that you're supposed to be baptized when you do understand sin, turn from it, and accept Jesus as your personal savior. It has to be YOUR decision, not your parents, so why does this crazy granny think that if the babies were baptized and God forbid, something happened to them, being baptized is the only way they could get to Heaven.

Different people believe different things and I believe that ALL babies go to Heaven. No matter what anyone says, I will always believe this and I find it offensive that some people who don't believe that can say the most insensitive and downright heartless things about deceased infants. If you don't believe that babies go to Heaven, then fine. You have the right believe whatever you want, but please don't say insensitive s--- out loud and then act like you don't know what you said that's so upsetting. If someone (like the particular woman in this story) says something about her baby in Heaven, referring to her miscarried baby, don't tell her that the miscarried baby isn't in Heaven, but rather in a landfill somewhere and expect her NOT to get pissed off.

I know of other people that have lost babies as well. My aunt had a miscarriage, my godmother lost a baby the day he was born, two of my friends had a triplet brother who died at birth. I find it annoying that people like this grandmother believe that because these babies that I care about so much aren't in Heaven because their parents didn't get them baptized. But whatever, they DO have the right to believe that as I said so myself. What offends me is that they tell people those beliefs in a very insensitive way including the parents of such babies.

Now granny has given the parents of both of her new great grandchildren an ultimatum. They can either get the babies baptized or she will not come to town for thanksgiving. The parents don't want to betray their beliefs by baptizing their children before the children are old enough to understand what they're doing and to make the decision to do it themselves. However, thanksgiving isn't the only part of her ultimatum really. She will not acknowledge the kids as her great grandchildren until they are baptized. Now that's really over the top. I know her beliefs are important to her and as a fellow Christian, I can understand that her relationship with God is more important than anything. But I would not refuse to acknowledge a relative with different beliefs than mine and I don't think Jesus would want me to. I mean, we ARE supposed to love each other, right?

This writing was really a lot longer than I meant for it to be and I'm sorry, but I needed to vent. My question is this. Is it wrong if none of the parents of the new babies care if the grandmother comes for thanksgiving? Is it REALLY wrong if they don't want her for thanksgiving because of her hurtfulness even if it means she'll probably be alone for thanksgiving? How would you handle this?

Answers to first paragraph: One of the definitions of offend is: to be against what people believe is acceptable or proper. Keep in mind the word 'belief/believe. God gave each of us a free will and that freedom includes to believe in a God/Creator or not or if there is a belief, to do so at a level that we are ready for. Humans are too quick to criticize other beliefs in the world, even others of organized religion like Christianity. Our spiritual life was meant to be something between God and ourselves. A church's doctrines and particular beliefs is basically not much more than a construct, the scaffolding and support of a ready made belief system which is helpful to young believers to a faith or those just starting down a spiritual path. God lets the HOly Spirit custom make the path for people. He isn't concerned much about the different practices or beliefs in a religion as long as we work at having a personal relationship with Him and act as his children and heirs to the Kingdom by treating ALL other living souls on earth as our sisters and brothers, no matter if they believe the same or not, that doesnt change the fact all souls came from the same creator and are our family. So the Baptist marrying into a Catholic family can expect their beleif to be different from hers but shouldn't be offended by it. What she can be offended at is any member of this family trying to take away her free will to believe and walk the spiritual path she currently has without forcing her, fighting her to break her down to accept something she doesn't believe. This is what Grandmother is doing, playing emotional blackmail/threats with parents regarding Baptising of infants. Since our faith is a personal walk with God, babies are too young to be at a cognitive age to be making this choice. It has been found that at a basic age of 10 give or take some years that children become capable of understanding the significance and importance to getting Baptized. It doesnt matter whether as a child or adult. God is a loving God and if he knows the heart of a person was turned to Him before having a chance to get Baptized, and their life ends suddenly, He will turn not away one of His children simply because of timing. Personally, I see nothing wrong with standing up to Grandma when she is trying to force family by guilt and ultimatums to practice her beleifs to a T. She is in the wrong for use of force, not for what she believes. Think back to what you believed about life and as a little child was oblivious to how parents worried about paying the bills, other adult stuff and world events and tragedies. Some people starting out on their spiritual path are going to be like toddlers and young kids. We don't expect them to have full cognition of adult concerns and world events yet.

What is actually going on here is bickering between 'siblings' in the family of souls God created. And there is where we all tend to get caught failing to be like a real family, unconditional love, a strong bond no matter what the other beleives, says or does.

Seeing as I am answering already on Thanksgiving, having a free moment, its too late for this event but if granny is like this, her displeasure over how grandkids are raised will continue. This is much like parents raising their kids in a certain church and the child turning 18 or as an adult rejecting the faith they were raised in and forging out on their own to discover what works for where they are at in spiritual beleifs. If the parents kept harassing their adult child, thats meddling, even though there is sadness the child chose another path.

A good compromise to keep peace is if the mixed church faith parents did a compromise, doing a baptism ceremony for the baby and when the child is old enough to choose for their self, get Baptized by dunking underwater. The baptising of a babe is not going to be harmful or a substitute in baptist Moms mind for her child. But in truth, either ceremony is simply that, a ceremony, and doesn't change a thing. If there were no water left on earth, could a person still be in danger of going to hell cus they weren't baptised? See...it does not change the grand scheme outcome what so ever. Just because I say this doesn't mean any of the parents are in the wrong for not doing a compromise. Most adults will always resist something when they feel they are being forced or reprimanded, and with good reason and justification for an attempt at taking away their freedom of choice. It doesnt just apply to religion but many other facets of life, ones sex, sexual or gender orientation and on and on. When people focus so hard on convincing others to go it their way, I beleive the mind is so preoccupied with that, that theres no room for a true personal relationship with God.

Lastly hon, you mention losing a child. I have done lots of reading, especially stories of believers who died and were brought back to life. Often in the short time they were on the other side, they were able to meet up with the soul that was supposed to be their child. From what I've read, It doesnt matter if the child died in utero or anytime before old enough to speak, some see the soul of their lost child in child form and others see the soul of their child as they would have looked if grown to adult. I knew a couple like that who had such an experience and remember them sharing in church, the parent hugging and chatting with the soul of their lost child who was showing themselves in adult form. +So I believe you'll see your child again on the other side, in Heaven.

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I do not feel close to anyone. I feel like I just have surface relationships and it makes me sad. The biggest thing I lack is emotional support and feeling close to people. Being away for college was stressful but fun. I am on break and it wad a much needed break because I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I did not tell anyone how I felt beside one of my friends. But, now I am on break and I feel better but I am not happy. I am at home but I felt instantly depressed, becaude this home is not home to me. My mom is my mom but I dont have an emotionally connection to her or anyone. I lack closeness. I feel like I am so different because I dont have close relationship with family. I feel like I have surface relationship. I want a deeper connection. I just feel like my life is meaningless and it upsets me that I dont have close relationship, I need a support system. I can not do this alone.

I wonder how long you have felt this way. If its a recent occurance, then its more likely to be something going on internally in you and not due to family being cold, unemotional, non supportive, etc... If you've felt this way all your life, it could be due to your family, their personalities, and how detached they were while raising you so you actually 'learned' to be this way thinking it to be normal. And now that you are older, you find it to be obvious that others have deeper more satisfying relationships than you do. You might want to explore why home doesnt feel like home to you. It means getting in touch with your inner self to discover why. Try talking aloud to yourself or writing it out. I have come to conclusion and problem solved by simply asking myself the questions, rambling on for a while, speaking or writing what seems like silly possibilites when suddenly a thought comes where my mind goes...aha...thats it, that the problem or thats the solution, depending on what I was asking. It isn't always easy. If you find you cant do this yourself, it might help to see a counselor. I know many avoid going to see one after hearing how many took meds and weren't helped but there are other more successful methods of helping you discover what is holding you back from having closeness. It can be an entire family, but when it includes "everyone", then it's more likely that its something inside of you. Not that you are lacking in some way, or not a fun person, or interesting , etc. Dont think that. Usually its distorted, negative thoughts that lead us off course from reaching our goals...happiness...success. It can be due to bad past experiences, long forgotten by your conscious mind but still creating havoc with your subconscious where all our emotions are stored. So my suggestion is to find a psychologist who is trained in the CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy way of helping patients. If they cannot help, they may have a good idea what to suggest you try doing.

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but isn't cybering just talking to others online also

There are many terms for virtual sex via computer, and cybering is one of those terms. See the link I've added to back up what adviceman said.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cybersex

I have only found 'talking to others online' listed also as chatting on line. Be careful to not use any definition that implies you are willing to type erotic/sexual conversation with someone when all you really want is normal..non sexual conversations. Sex just by text is very popular for women who want to remain anonymous, not be visual or seen in any way by the male.

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26 female

I was dating this guy about 6 months ago and it started of great and then he started going crazy .
He came to my house and my dogs were on my moms lap and my mom was holding them because they were barking at him and he pulled out a knife and threatened to cut my dogs up in tiny pieces and at school last Tuesday he pulled out a knife and rope and scared me half to death. I immediately went home and the next day called the school and reported what happened. We were by ourselves even though I told him to leave me alone. He also said that he overdosed on Adderall when I broke up with him over the dog inncedent . I was at school today and the cop that the school put me on the phone with told me he knows him and he is dangerous and I need to take serious action immediately. What should I do?

I find it odd that a police officer would say the man is dangerous and not give you the steps to take to remain safe. Really odd. For one thing, the police should have told the school officials that he is dangerous to their students and shouldn't be able to continue to attend now that he's pulled that stunt. They should have him kicked out. The problem with people like this guy, known to be dangerous but not locked up in jail is that they are free to continue to harass people like you, even start stalking and actually harm you. Police can't be around to watch over you 24/7. So keep in mind that whenever you are you are never walking by yourself. Here's an example, even from just where you parked your car to entering a mall, wait inside your car until you see anyone else walking to the doors and walk with them so he's less likely to try something if he's been stalking you unseen. When at home, be sure to check all doors and windows and get a security system installed or if you have one use it. Added to that, I've read somewhere that its a good idea to have your car keys on your nightstand at night in case you hear someone trying to break in and you can hit your car panic alarm button to attract attention and possible help. The protection order from court you get means he isn't allowed to get anywhere near you, within so much distance and if he breaks that order, then they have something to take him to jail for. I would also look up 'self defense for women' take a class, see what other hints are listed to make sure you are safe. Once you've done everything you can find by yourself, let the police know what you are doing and ask if there is anything else you can do to be fully protected from him.

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19/F
Iv been in a relationship for only 2 months with my boyfriend, we get along amazingly, when I'm not with him I miss him, and when I am with him I just want to stay with him all day!
But.. Iv started to become close with a guy I work with, we flirt occasionally and he knows I have a boyfriend. I was on a work night out with this guy and our other friends of course (my boyfriend was not there) and me and the guy from work ended up getting a cab together because our friends got in the other cab, we were both really drunk and flirting hard, he would try to wrap his arm around me and continued to tell me I was the best looking in the job, I told him the same, I feel really guilty because we almost kissed, I stopped it because I would never be unfaithful to my boyfriend, now when ever I'm in work I hope that we have the same shifts and I feel really guilty because I do love my boyfriend. Can anyone give me some advice to stop wanting to flirt with this boy

Let's face it, flirting is fun. For singles flirting has the added benefit of letting someone know you like them and might be interested in pursuing a relationship together. At this point, being able to read body language is helpful. What is not helpful is placing any significance on what 2 people do while drunk. The best thing to do is avoid getting drunk and only flirt while sober. That way a person is fully capable of controlling the situation, flirting for fun and not letting things get out of hand.
Just a thought here...are you are to let your boyfriend flirt with other girls even tho dating you? There's no right or wrong answer. However if you'd have a problem with him doing it, then probably it's best if you don't either. Do you know if he would get jealous?
I am married and I know of many happily married people who are not looking for affairs who do flirt. It the case of married couples, both have to be okay with it and no it's harmless with no other ulterior motives to it. Its another way to still feel attractive and keep up one's skills in flirting. The only way a person can feel guilty is if their thoughts are telling them they did something wrong. So to get over this, learn from it and move on, you need to change how you view this incident. My suggestion is rather than seeing this as an 'almost' cheating event, think of it as a learning event that you now will never have to repeat, unless you intend to get drunk again in mixed company.

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My boyfriend and I just started having unprotected sex the 19th of November trying to conceive which at the time I stopped taking my birth control. Usually when I miss a pill I spot and if I don't take another right away I will get my period. I had spotting for a couple of hours but nothing since. Yesterday I was at the doctors office getting treated for a UTI at which point they gave me a pregnancy test that came back negative. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex since about 24 hours before the test was taken. The Doctor said normally the hormones show quickly. What chances do I have that I still could be pregnant? I was heart broken when they told me it was negative.

It is going to take more time after getting off birth control for you to start ovulating (releasing a fertile egg) When coming off birth control, your entire monthly cycle can't be expected to be normal within a couple days or weeks. An odd woman might get lucky but thats not what the general populace has had happen. A cycle is 30 days and includes the time approaching the release of a ready egg, the time that egg is present waiting for a sperm to join it and the time when if the egg isn't met by a sperm, it becomes too old and is released with the monthly lining of the uterus that was waiting for a viable egg to attach. When the lining isn't needed due to no egg, it is released as a period. The period ends and the cycle begins again. That said, I understand you are dissapointed but this was too soon to expect to be pregnant. You might try checking on line on learning about when you ovulate to make sure to have sex at those times for sure. Anything you can find about ovulating and how to get pregnant will be helpful for the months ahead.
Even a person not coming immediately off hormone birth control, like myself, still had to wait a few months once i started trying. It's not always an instant (the next month) deal. Good luck.

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Me and my ex boyfriend broke up twice and then started seeing eachother on a monthly basis it has been a year and 6 months now and we do hav sex..i saw him yesterday but things werent the same we kissed and got undressed and he fingerd me bt wen we got to having sex nothing happend i was ontop of him and he was in me bt weneva i wna ride him he takes hs hands off my body and wnts me to do it alone bt im scared i do it wrong or wen i start riding him he ask me why im being so sexual i mst control my hormones..so then we stopped and watchd movies i thought we wer gna continue to have sex mayb it happen ths time but instead he went and played computer games i felt like shit cause it was like his computer entertained hm more than i did..bt all i can think of is that i must move on cause hes seeing someone else thats y we ddnt almst hav sex..am i right when i say this????
He askd me when am i gtn a boyfriend and i told hm i cant date anyone cause i want a baby bt i made a joke and then he told me i musnt look at him and find someone else to gv me a baby i must get that idea out of my head bt i ddnt even say i want a bby frm hm he just assumeD that i do...i also told hm i wna get fat theres no for me to look nice for and then he told me no i must look nice for him and hs gona smack me if i get fat he dont want me to get fat..hs just so complicated but my main thng is wheather or not hes seeing somebody else eventhough he said he dont want a gf and thers no time for woman..so where do i fit in am i just a sideline bootycall..clearly he moved on..wen i gt hme he tld me it was nice seeing me as always eventho ima stranger i then msgd hm to say thanx for tha night he read it ddnt reply havent heard from him since he dropped me at home.. What do you think i must do cause i think im just gona distance myslf he dont thnk he wil notice or even miss me he cleary got bored of me,we dont even speak like we use to anymore,that almost everday convos it has turned into sometimes.i dont get why hs stl around y dnt he just get a gf iv been so clingy lately and he would ignore me flat bt then after a while shows up again cause he dnt like clingy..why is he stl around..he dont want me and never will so why i dnt get it..what do you think of this whole situation..its probably best to move on..wether or not we hav or dnt have sex its fine i enjoy being around hm its just that it felt like hs reeing someone else and they have sex thats why we didnt even thou he was in me and i was kinda riding hm.....sigh please help

Sometimes people change over time, even one changing enough so what you felt before slowly morphs into something else and you drift apart. That is common, for two people to outgrow each other.
In your case, this guy is still seeing you for sex, you are complaining about it as its not as satisfactory as it once was but he is urging you to move on and get a boyfriend. That doesnt sound very promising as a person to devote a chunk of your life or whole life to.

When two people meet, sometimes the problem is NRE, new relationship energy. Actually, anything new can be exciting, just think back to Christmas eve as a child and then weeks after Christmas where the desired toys no longer held your interest in the same way. In a relationship, RE is responsible for tricking many people to feel that they are very compatible together but NRE eventually fades, wears off and you are left with the real feelings for each other which lack that same excitement and appeal and whats left pales in comparison. Often its because the two are not a good match.

What makes a good match in a relationship? Two things make a firm foundation for a relationship giving it a great chance to be a happy, healthy and satisfying one.
1. Being each others best friend. How do both treat each other no matter what their mood? Is there understanding, caring, support and unconditional love and being in love?
2. Sexual compatibility is more than two people making the parts meet and doing the act. Their pheremones need to be a match or close match so that even a kiss is much more special and exciting and arouses each other. Without matching pheremones, or good chemistry as some say, even a kiss without chemistry is like kissing a brother or another male relative sexually, its just yuck.
Also coming into play is the need to both have the same or at least the desires to explore certain fetishes together and also both having the same kind of libido. If one is happy with twice a week while the other wants twice a day, you've got a problem and the one with the higher libido which can also be the female as was the case for me and my ex, can become very frustrating. I didn't cheat but many end up doing so to get their needs met.
It sounds like he's over you whether there is someone else or not. There doesnt have to be another female in the picture for a guy to no longer have interest in you. Sex isn't something to prove love. Sex is a natural outpouring a gift one gives to their partner because they love their partner. If both are in love, they will approach sex with a wish to fulfill their partners needs over their own. If one or both are not coming together like that, then it's over dear.

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I'm choosing between two different colleges and can't make up my mind.
My heart was set on one college until this past weekend when I actually went to visit it. Online the college looked beautiful and bragged about their many awards, but when I got there it seemed super outdated and kind of dirty. I didn't think the campus was pretty at all, but then again I didn't get to see all of it or any of the dorms. The school has over 80 clubs, greek life, greek housing, sports teams and other events, which is really important to me. The city it's in is kind of boring though with no good shopping and not many restaurants or things to do.

The second college is gorgeous and updated with nice dorms and is in one of my favorite cities that has a ton to do. However, the president of the school doesn't approve of greek life and doesn't offer any greek housing. They also don't have too many clubs and no school spirit from the reviews I've read.

Now I'm super torn because I REALLY want to be in a sorority with sorority housing, but the school that offers that isn't the beautiful school I imagined myself being at. The school that is beautiful doesn't offer sorority housing, but has the other benefits I listed above.

I keep trying to tell myself it's not that big of a deal to be in a sorority, but it really is that important to me!

Help! What do I do?

Can't judge a book by its cover, and same goes for a school. If you tend to go about life looking for only the catchy book covers, beautiful campus's, and the prettiest/most handsome people, you just might miss a lot of good stories, a good education and good friends or future husband.

Which school has more of the classes with the standards that will get you a degree, and where you will feel more qualified by time you're done with learning.
That is of first importance. Next, what is more important, the clubs on campus or places for shopping and entertainment.

Is your purpose for going to college more for the experience and having fun rather than study, and in hopes of meeting a guy to marry, or is it for the education. Depending on how you answer your questions, you'll know where to go.

Remember that fun memories of a sorority or the shopping you got to do while attending a nearby campus can't go on a future resume and won't help in getting you a good paying job.

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First off, I'm 21 and female.
I just started dating a new guy after breaking off an engagement a year ago, taking 7 months to just get back to being myself, and going on several dates with men that led to nowhere.

I really like this guy and I've already spent a lot of time with him. He's funny, smooth, college educated charismatic, and has good life goals. I'm also very attracted to him (more so than with previous dates) which is a big deal for me because I don't find myself attracted to most men I meet.

However, my best friend doesn't approve of him. She doesn't think his sense of humor is funny and she doesn't trust him at all. He goes to her University and she looked up his name in the student directory and didn't find anything. I wound up finding out from him (after I confronted him about it) that it was because he's had a legal name change and was under some kind of protection order after an ex girlfriend went psycho. Because I confronted him about it, I of course had to tell him how I knew he wasn't in the directory because I go to a different college. He wound up getting a little upset at my best friend because they share the same ethnicity and religious upbringing and he couldn't understand why somebody who goes through the same challenges of being stereotyped due to their background everyday would be so quick to throw somebody else dealing with the same struggles under the bus.

She doesn't believe him no matter what I say, she thinks he's lying and that he doesn't go to school at all. I feel like that would be a stupid thing to lie about though and he's told me stories about his classes and other things that match up so he'd have to be lying about all that too. Any time I try to tell her I don't believe he's lying and why I think that, she says I'm "justifying" and now anytime I say anything about him she says he lying.

She's never actually met him by the way.

Of course I still plan on asking for his student ID next time I see him to be sure but by her saying all this stuff it's making me paranoid too and I feel bad about it.


What do I do? Obviously this isn't a good start because now neither of them like each other. I love my best friend (that I've known for years and I really like this guy and I don't want this kind of tension going on between them. I don't want this to be the start of the end of our relationship because it's been a long time since I've felt so strongly about somebody. I really mean it when I say I like him a lot and it's not just an infatuation.

First, your bff doesn't have any valid reason with proof to not trust him. Its just a feeling she has. Just because she trusts you and the two of you mesh well together does not mean that the two of you may be attracted to the same kind of guy. She doesnt have to like his sense of humor or develop the kind of deep emotional trust in him as you do. If you know her to have a very keen womens intuition from past events where she's had a bad hunch but no initial proof where in time something was revealed to be bad, then I can see you feeling a bit unnerved about this. But unless she's got an uncanny somewhat psychic sense that is always 100% on the mark, then its best to thank her for her concern but learn to exercise your own intuition. Early in a relationship, even if its just new friends, you basically give people the benefit of the doubt, you chose to view them as innocent until they prove themselves guilty. If you are an alert person you will eventually see inconsistancies in people, and though you may still be on guard but proceeding as if you fully trust a person, you basically make them relax enough to be themselves, stop pretending or hiding things and its in essense, giving them enough rope to hang themselves as my hubby says.

Don't worry about her liking or not liking him. She's not the one who is dating him and she doesn't have to someday in the future, move in with him or get married to him. She is likely making comparisons from her own thoughts and past experiences of someone who may seem similar subconsciously but nothing she's aware of consciously. You will need to use some tact in doing your investigations about him. Point blank asking him to show his student ID next time you see him could really hurt his feelings that you dont trust him especially if he's not hiding anything except hiding from a nutcase. I have a girlfriend who moved across country with her toddler to get away to an abusive husband who kept tracking her down. People do what they have to in order to be safe.
IF you feel you must see this ID card, just ask if he carries any photo's in his wallet. While wallets open, ask what any of the other cards are, like oh, what bank do you bank at, ask to see his driver license photo and then do you have a student ID card in here too? Unless the school requires all students to have one, I believe for some its a choice to get a card with your pic on it to identify you as a student to get special rates on school rated things or even out in society if there are student and senior rates offered for events. If I were you, I'd spend more time asking him questions about himself. His family, any siblings, where he grew up, what degree he's going for, is he working his way thru school, if so, what job he does. You can ask about his views on social events, politics if any, what his moral beliefs are, his religious ones if any, his hopes and dreams, his hobbies, memories from childhood. I am with my second husband just over 6 years and we did a lot of talking and sharing and what we shared was as consistant as our actions so we knew we could trust each other. trust in the beginning isn't the same kind of full fledged trust you'll have after time has proven a person trustworthy or
not. Try this, keep a journal each night of what you and he discussed, the main things he has told you, word for word. Also record how he acts towards you when he is happy, sad, tired, sick, stressed, angry. The best partner is someone who will treat you fairly no matter how he is feeling or at least warn you he needs some down time to his self to recooperate. Others find themselves grounded again by spending time in the presense of a loved one. I used a dating site to find my 2nd husband and did better that way than the first time around. But before I found him, I wrote or phone called with many guys. I looked for negative thinking from them, AND i looked for inconsistencies. One guy at my suggestion of meeting at a coffee shop stated he hated coffee shops and he was busy, lets talk again next week about meeting. When he next wrote stating, lets meeet at such and such coffee shop, I asked, did you mean to mention something other than that and just say it accidently? I wonder because last time you told me you hated going to coffee shops. his reaction was to write that he had a right to change his mind about what he likes without getting the 3rd degree. Needless to say, I crossed him off the list. The inconsistancy wasn't a problem, sure he can change his mind, but hate is a strong word and his reaction was too overly touchy and angry and self defensive so thats a sign something is wrong.
If ever your guy isn't comfortable sharing something, it could be that there are emotions involved where he isn't ready to share his story yet. Then ask if he might be willing to share at a later time then, once you've both gained more trust in each other. If he says no, it is hard to get to know a person who will not share their thoughts, stories and everything about them cus you're not a mind reader. It may be good not to get your hopes up or heart involved here. If he says yes to sharing later, then trust that he will. Until he has proven himself unworthy of being with you, trust him. So what if he had to have a name change to protect himself. before you say or do anything with him in trying to get to know him, put yourself in his shoes. Imagine, changing your name to hide from an old stalker abusive boyfriend and this guy is now questioning you about having a new name. Invite him to meet your family, get their feeling about him. Ask to meet his. If he won't let you visit them or put you in touch over phone or via internet if they are long distance, then somethings up cus a guy who really likes a gal likes to show her off to his family and friends. Meet his friends. The type of people he tends to have for friends, if all are the same, like partying, drunks, may be a good insight into what a part of him is truly like. Maybe he likes wild partying but doesnt want to scare a girl away. But his family and friends aren't trying to win you over and most likely are going to be themselves and a good source of information and stories about him with him present. I'd advise to not go snooping in his phone, wallet or convo's with family/friends behind his back...that is a sign of not having trust/being too suspicious a person, and not likely to be taken well be him, not you either if it was done to you.
People who are under a protection order from legal law for their safety do not ever use their previous birth name. You and he could break up at some point in the future and you inadvertently mention his real name. So if he is in college under one name but still using his real name in introductions, or on license or other legal paperwork, then he is tempting fate, thinking he's now safe from a psycho old girlfriend. If he is using two names, then perhaps it wasnt a legal new secret identity through the police and courts but something he did himself, thinking that a school would be the only way the ex gf tried to track him down You don't know if that is his explanation cus if thats' the case, everything lines up correctly and theres no hidden bad secrets here. You may want to caution him to be safe and do a real legal name change to something of his choice. Its all too easy if one is suspicious like your gf to imagine something more an action/thriller chase movie, where the ex gf starts dating a cop, a bad cop who thinks she's in love with him but all to beg him to look your current boyfriend by car license number, his soc. # or driver license number if she has that or just by name to see what he comes up with. She could tell him it's a cousin who just disappeared and stopped contact with family and they're all worried about him. If the only place he is using a fake name is at school, then he can be traced by his real name elsewhere.

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I have a friend group of 7 girls including myself. 2 of the girls have rudely confronted me about my "lack of motivation" to go to school, my rare use of marijuana, and my "overuse" of alcohol. They all have drank many times before also, so I am not the only one. They're claiming that I am a bad influence on them and that I'm ruining their reputation with mine (I'm known as the partier of my grade/the girl who misses a lot of school). They've disregarded me telling them that I miss so many days of school because I have major depressive disorder and in the past month 3 people I was close to have died. I also have ADHD and I hate taking adderall for it, and I have to take adderall whenever I go to school. I barely ever smoke marijuana, but when I do, I use it for sleep since I have chronic insomnia. I only drink in social situations (at parties), and one of the two girls that is claiming that I drink too much, drinks alcohol everyday after school normally. They both have gotten 2 more girls in our friend group to dislike me and they're now saying that if I don't stop using drugs, cut back on my drinking, and to stop making excuses and come to school, they're going to kick me out of our friend group because the majority wants me out. The 2 friends who are on my side and are sticking up for me are getting caught in the crossfire and getting yelled at for still being friends with me. I don't want to forgive them because I do not want to be friends with people that want me to change myself and I don't want to really hangout with them all the time, but I'm also putting my 2 friends sticking up for me through hell and ripping apart my friend group. I don't know what to do.

I know people can get fired from a job if not following through with the guidelines, policies, rules taught to a new employee. What you mention sounds like getting kicked out of a job only a group of friends. I don't believe anyone can prevent a person from being friends with someone they wish to. Friendship is not like paying an allegiance to someone or lets say if you work for McDonalds, you don't tell customers to go elsewhere to buy their food, you must remain devoted to the company you work for. But the part we sometimes forget is that no one forces us to work somewhere where we don;t believe in or agree with their policies, the same as if we don't like how we are treated on a job or by certain people, you have the choice to not stay and take the crap.
A group of friends is not like a membership group either where one must pay money dues to join. You never had to pay any money to join and be part of a group of 7 girls. If any are being 2 faced and you're tired of it, leave them. Don't try to change their minds. Their minds likely aren't capable of making such a huge step right now simply because they are physiologically not able to. The part of the brain needed to make good decisions, see possible future repercussions, and make good judgement calls, understand people who are different from yourself, is a part of the brain that doesnt mature until the mid 20s and for some its more like the late 20s. But scientists have proven with tests that for most, its not until mid 20s that people stop judging others, acting petty, 2 faced, making bad decisions, etc.
Its not the number of friends one has but the quality of the few that is important. So what if you end up with only 2 close friends. I will say this dear, if you wanted to be my friend but said I could no longer associated with a mutual friend who is attacking you, not only would I no longer associate with those who attack you but I would also choice to no longer associate with you for demanding that I make a choice to never hang out with them again. Some peoples personality type is to be the peacemaker, not take sides and simply try to be friends with two opposite warring tribes or persons. The tactic of attempting to avoid war or fights has long been used through history. I see no reason for you to be upset with the 2 friends who stick with you and won't gree to any insults from the rest. But its up to you to decide what you are going to do.

Lastly, Forgiveness is more about you than the others. People don't often need to hear that someone has decided to forgive them, especially if they're not quite sure they were in the wrong or if they never were. Forgiveness is for the heart and wellfare of the one who needs to forgive and not hold a grudge. The reason why is this: If you choose to not forgive them, it really doesnt hurt them, they will go on doing what they do and be glad to not have to associate with you because you are choosing to not see them as part of your non forgiveness. Now on the other side, inside you, your percievedd injustices are churning around and you can't stop focusing your thoughts on what you feel are wrongs done against you, and your thoughts draw in the action of certain emotions, those emotions long term with cause stress and stress has to go somewhere. Stress will affect a person either physically, mentally or emotionally.
Examples are mentally a person has a breakdown and develops a mental illness or anxieties and depression, emotionally a person becomes so bitter they go through their entire life looking through bitter glasses, not rose colored ones and no one wants to be in their life. Or physically stress brings stomach ulcers, rashes, headaches and migraines, cancer and heart problems. We are not meant to go on forever holding a grudge or unforgiveness or choosing to place ourselves in situations that are stressful 24/7 with no down time to recuperate. People choose to remain in a bad job, a bad marriage or bad friendships often for financial reasons or feeling theres no way they can find anything better, or the fear of change and something/someone new, itself. I know, as I chose to stay in a bad 1st marriage too long for all the wrong reasons.
I don't know you so I really don't have any idea if you do suffer a lack of motivation or not, or drink too much or not. I get insomnia too and use pot for it. It helps me to sleep. I have no problem with use for medical reasons or just for relaxing but don't feel use of it while on the job, or using equipment, driving a vehicle is safe since there are some types that are strong enough to impair a person same as alcohol for driving. One should know how their body handles the pot they use, how long the affects linger and use it responsibly, same as with alcohol. You mention wanting to get off adderol and I can understand that many just cant live happily with the side effects, a nephew of mine being one who decided to stop taking it. A certain ingrediant in food was proven in some tests by certain schools to have a common affect on the attention spans of pupils.
My 2nd husband put his daughter into a Montessori school. Its like a private school with certain rules parents must promise to follow including hours of time they must volunteer at the school. The crazy thing is that sugar was banned from the diets of any child attending there. A teacher could easily tell which student had sugar the day before and would call and question the parents, and after too many such incidents, the child was no longer allowed to attend. The result of no sugar in diet meant no one had attention deficit or was hyperactive. In a tour, of a 1st grade class, all the students were silently doing their work, not one found figeting or restless, or not paying attention to what they were working on. So even if you truly do have ADHD and want to get off it, you may be able to do so after learning to have a sugar free diet and cut out caffeine, coffee drinks and energy booster drinks plus candys and desserts. Even the so called
'diet sweeteners' still have affect on those with diabetes or who can't handle sugar for other reasons. Diet sugar is only to prevent gaining extra pounds but you still get the sugar effects. Keep that in mind.
As for a depressive disorder, I would like you to know about CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy...a non medication way to learn to address and anxieties or depressions and become free of those things. It is best to find a psychologist who is specifically trained in CBT. There's aren't many but the number is growing because people who werent helped by meds were getting results with this. I'll give you the website of a psychologist who wrote books about it for the average people like you and I. I've read 2 of them. What I read makes sense and cured me of severe social anxiety some time long ago when I came across the same advice from another source. However most of what I read made me realize, it is extremely difficult to self diagnose and I still recommend a proper psychologist who if using CBT and you're a good candidate for it, won't need to see you for years. People get results from just several visits as long as they are willing to apply the exercises wholeheartedly. Heres a website that Dr. David D. Burns created that is devoted to helping along this vein.

http://feelinggood.com/

You might try asking there for referrals to Dr. in your area if you are willing to try. If you're under 18, you can research but may want to show it to the parents and ask to be able to be treated by such a person. In meanwhile, try cutting sugar out and see how you do dear. I'd love to hear back to see how things go for you.

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Me and my roommate have not been getting along
So out of the blue she brings home a voodoo
And place it on the cabinet facing my bed..Every since I can't sleep đź’¤ at all..Im a born again Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ and I'm truly covered in the blood.
But I kno that the devil is real as well so I need to put a stop to this crazy energy WITHOUT ANY RITUALS ARE SPEELS

I wonder if part of this 'not getting along' is due to your Christian beliefs and feeling you have nothing in common with her. Remember the Bible says we can be in the world but not part of it. Christians can tend to also take that concept over the edge, raising their children in such a secluded state that they have little experience with how to get along with those of different faiths, beliefs, once out on their own. It is then true culturew shock for Christians. my belief is: It really is the Holy Spirits job to reach a person if they are at a place in their life of seeking a new path of belief. Your only job would be to be yourself with whatever you do as a Christian, praying and reading your bible, and whatever you do, do not force anything on your roommate. The fastest way to open the communication lines and get along is for you to take a moment and decide to ask questions of her, like interviews done by Barbara Walters with any celebrities. She has no agenda and simply asks questions of a person without stating her opinions of what they say or believe as being right or wrong. God never treated you that way and never will, so we shouldn't either, however In the many churches I've been in, what I am sharing is only rarely taught. It should be universal. So my suggestion is to find time to ask your roommate what that doll is all about, if its voodoo. aSk if she tends to lean towards voodoo or just paganism, or some other faith. If you show interest without condemnation or trying to immediately chose to share about your faith, then you will shut her friendliness down and it could became quite bad rooming together. Why not try to live in peace together. I have friends who were pagan and I have learned much of pagan beliefs. Pagan used to mean 'the unchurched'. Pagan's are not Satanists, thats something totally different. Voodoo, I don't know much about but here's your opportunity to interview her and show her that you really are listening.
Want to feel more protected before you do? Visualize yourself as being in the center of something that looks like a soap bubble, clear, it moves with you but it actually a forcefield of Gods protection. It keeps out evil but allows anything that is good to enter in.
You may just find that a friend gave her the doll as a keepsake of their friendship or this is her way of feeling protected from you, from preventing a forceful attempt to convert her.

And now I want to share a piece of psychology about our subconscious minds. The subc. mind (SM) is where all our emotions are stored and come from. Our SM is also much like our inner child, more easily scared, upset. The SM is what controls our taking our next breath or blinking our eyes without having to think about it on purpose. The SM is like another you, inside you. It wishes to see you happy and the only problem is, that whatever you tend to dwell on most or fear the most, the SM interprets as it being something very important to you that you want. So what you are afraid of, your SM will try to make it come true. Example: the woman who fears getting raped someday, and that fear is constant on her mind, her SM will cause her to make a bad decision to walk somewhere not safe one day, almost like forcing and tempting something bad to happen. Do it enough times and what you fear will happen to you. Yes, God protects us. But we were also given a free will and so He will not step in and protect us from ourselves or mainly (our fears) We were made in Gods image and to me that means attributes of both Jesus and the Holy Spirit can be found (Jesus) in men and the Holy Spirit, more in women. We can't create on the level of God but our souls as his children have the ability to create on some level and this is one of them. That all said, I believe that the reason I have known so many Christians plagued by ghosts, devil or demonic looking beings is more likely not due to what some one else with evil intent sent upon them, but actually created by their own subconscious minds. Since my thoughts were never focused on the devil but only on Jesus and Holy Spirit, I never had a problem with oppression or any evil done against me. I recall one day having a friend confess they were so angry at me that they had been trying to verbally conjure a spell to hurt me. I looked surprised and said, Really?" I did not feel threatened which made the person explain further. The reason they were telling me is because it was a supernatural event to them. An angel appeared and told them they could not allow this person (who did unbeknownst to me at the time, dabble in black arts magic) to set a bad spell against me. This person was not a pagan but a former Catholic of all things. It was good to hear that God and his angels will protect me from any real possible unknown spiritual attackes without me having to worry about it or focus on it. YOur very fear of something non Christian may actually bring that evil into your life by the strength of your thoughts. From what I have learned, most people only want to be able to live their beliefs in peace without someone telling them they are wrong. If your teacher at school or a boss at work was constantly pointing out only what is wrong with what you are doing, you'd not want to be anywhere near them and no longer wish to work there or be in that class. People feel the same. If you can be loving and accepting of her for where she is at right now and just be your lovely self, perhaps she may be more open to asking you to tell her about your faith. I have found many who truly do know quite a lot of the Christian faith having been there before but now walk a path that is broader spiritually, more accepting but has nothing to do with Satan or demons. Just try to talk to her and meet her where she's at. If you are willing to allow her to have a voodoo doll in the room, but place it elsewhere where you can't see it, then she will learn to respect you. Unless for some reason she is instantly antagonistic towards you only because she knows you are a Christian, I see no reason to have to g0 through channels to get a new roommate.

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Hey, so basically, I'm a guy and ive got this friend who I a girl. We were both talking about like sex and stuff, and what it would be like and she gave me a blow job. I didnt do anything to her, at all, but now I dont know if I've cheated on my girlfriend, even though I didnt do anything, only my friend did something...

Yes, it's cheating. If you can't have female friends without exercising your willpower to keep your willy in your pants, then you are not ready to make a commitment to any one girl to be her boyfriend because if you have no self control and no wish to choose to use it, then its best to not be in a commited relationship.

For the record, whether the sex is mutual, or one sided with the male giving only to the female or vice versa, it is still sex. Even the things of foreplay and attraction are cheating already, like touching in certain intimate places, kissing, holding hands, long intimate close hugs and cuddling. I really should have to spell it out. But if BEFORE engaging in anything, you are not quite sure if it would be okay or not, then don't do it at all. try to use the trick of putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Lets say your girlfriend was seen kissing a guy, would you be upset, how about if she 'only' gave him head and he never gave her oral, fingered or had penis in vagina sex. If it was only a blow job, would you be upset and feel she has cheated?

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the beginning is for about 4 years back
about 3 months into living in our new place a friend of our named carolyn moved in with her daughter due to breaking up with her boyfriend of 9 years since high school, My mom found that she had cancer in her breast but it was the kind that spidered and everyone was worried then my grandma found out she had lung cancer and after hearing that news my grandma tried chemo but couldn't do it and passed away before christmas, my mom’s drinking got worse and it seemed like almost every night she was hurting herself from drinking and partying by almost cutting off her finger in a car door and cutting herself on purpose. This happened till one night carolyn called her mom over to help her bring her to rehab, i was home at the time when they trying to get her to go, she was threatening to cut herself and more, they finally did get her to go and Carolyn stayed with me and took me to school over the two months she was gone. we also visited 2-3 times.

when my mom came back, she got her surgery and was doing much better, About a month later, Carolyn's Ex didn't want to keep the farm they had so carolyn said she would take it back, and after talking to people around are area we got a house trailer for free and we just had to pay for it being towed, carolyn and my mom made a deal to move the house trailer onto her property. K so carolyn runs a small dog rescue. We moved there with our 3 dogs, and we were doing great for awhile we got a st bernard cross puppy to work with my mom’s fear of st bernard’s, Carolyn got a new boyfriend named Randy, he was about 16 years older than her (i think about 46), he used to have these days where he’s a complete jerk and days where he’s bagging to come back, and when they had their fights and she told him to leave he wouldn't go anyway or he'd try to fight her so she broke up with him about 1 ½ years later and he wouldn't leave so she called the cops and he got away before the cops came the first few times the one day she grabbed the keys from her truck he kept taking and drove her other car over to the neighbors and they finally got him and he went to jail for 8 months.

Not long after Carolyn breaking up with Randy my mom got more news from the doctor saying she has cervical cancer and about a month after she went in and got her cervix removed, and about the last year of living on carolyn’s property the county was trying to get us to move because are house trailer was to close to the road and wasn’t set properly. We tried to get it set properly in time but couldn't and the county won and we had to find a place to live in three month, we had to give up are animals which was really hard for me because they were one of the things i loved the most…

We couldn't find a place in our budget within three months so a friend of mine offered for us to stay at her house while they went on vacation and we did find a place in a one bedroom basement suite in a small town close to my school i've always gone too.

I used to go to carolyn’s almost every weekend, we became great friends even though she was older than me by 15 years. Months after living in the basement suite we were eventually allowed to have pets and i missed my old pets but they all have loving homes so carolyn had a batch of puppies at her house and she gave me one, Carolyn’s daughter called him Moe before so i kept the name.

K carolyn’s does drink. We go places all the time, she lets me drive around on the countryside, and we talk to each other like if my mom’s bugging me or somethings on my mind, i trust her with these things. Anyways after me and my mom moved into the basement suite, a few weeks later she got more new from the doctor saying has skin cancer, she's had surgeries to stop it from increasing size but it slowly comes back.

About 6 months later, I went over to carolyn's for the weekend like normally do but i do with my dog now, and that night we went over to christene's (a friend of my mom and carolyn) to make salsa and Carolyn was undesivie to go on a date just as friends though because her friend ryan wanted her to go to a fancy dinner party ( if you knew carolyn she doesn't like fancy dinner parties, she's more of a hippie) with him so he wasn't alone with his co workers and their wifes. So he finally got her to go, when she got back that night around ten she was wasted, and they partied and drank more with graham and other people until about 1 and then i fell asleep, when i fell asleep all the dogs were in the house and when i woke up, none of the dogs were in the house, carolyn and graham were gone also so i thought she took all the dogs home with her but when christine's uncle came for wood, he found moe in the grass by the trees and i had to identify him…. I still hadn't heard from carolyn yet, when i finally seen her she was still drunk but i got a bunch of the story from her on what happen last night.

Apparently carolyn and graham left christine's place because they had nowhere to sleep, so graham drove her down to jolenes to get smokes but they were all sleeping except jolenes dad that seen them whipping around the donut driveway so then they left jolenes place and went back roading behind there place, and apparently graham ended up in the ditch and was trying to get out, carolyn left the truck and seen her crazy ex randy there for the rescue for some reason then…. then graham finally got out and didn't know where carolyn went and went whipping around looking for her till he went to her house and fell asleep there waiting, he says he doesn't remember hitting the dog at all.

So october 18th 2015 i found him and carolyn, i was crying lots of course and i told my mom and she was in the city at the time but she said she was coming out but i ended up pulling myself together and remembered that someone was coming over to carolyn's for a puppy and i was down at jolene's at the time so i reminded carolyn and we rushed over to her house and we found a puppy a home but i was told i had to go to jolenes because my mom was there and she wanted me there, i didn't really wanna go but i did.

so about two weeks later, I was a jolenes with my mom and carolyn got paid and wanted to take me out to dinner so she stopped by jolenes and my mom said no and carolyn was really upset about this and so was i. Then when Carolyn left, my mom told me why and the reason was because she drinks too much, so i told carolyn why and we were both hurt.

About a week after moe passed my mom stopped taking all her pills.
So after Carolyn heard that she stopped drinking a week after and a week after she stopped i tried to ask if her and i can go to the movies she said no again, she didn't really give a reason she just said in time you can, and that we could hang out in town but she can't take you anywhere. so she came to a dance thing with me during the week in town and she wanted to go out to dinner in town so i asked my mom she said no because she's done with waiting and that carolyn has to talk to her so i told carolyn and she got mad/upset and then she tried to go on wednesday and she said no maybe tomorrow so tomorrow morning my mom texted her saying not today and carolyn responded back with your hurting cora the most, then my mom just said goodbye and when i came home from school ,my mom just snapped saying your not talking or seeing her anymore, and went on saying you and her are talking about me behind her back, if she wants to talk you she has to talk to me first, i know you and her have been talking about me because your acting different. Yeah i've told carolyn things she could do to try and get me back and what my mom has told about what she has done wrong and of course carolyn's upset and it's not always gonna be nice, i think the worst was when my mom called her an alcoholic and she just replied with bitch. i don't know even what to think of this or do because i do really miss hanging out with her but my mom's stuck on this hate thing right now. when my mom said she couldn't talk or see me anymore she texted me saying you old enough to move out im sure and i could provide you a place and food and i won't tell you that you can't talk to people for no reason i just replied you know i can't i care about my mom even if she's being irrational. sorry about not indenting all my convos and paragraphing where it's needed.

what are your thoughts on this?

What do you think i should do?

That's a lot of info to go through. All I picked up from it is that there is a lot of drama in your life and it sounds like you might be getting tired of it. I had to learn the hard way myself in a bad life situation I lived with 30 yrs, that the only way to be rid of the drama and the hurt is to walk away from it. It may not be easy, especially financially and considering practicality but by the age of Carolyn, I am assuming that you are somewhere near her age or at least 18. If you aren't, wait until you are 18 and then plan out your own life with or without the people who trouble you or hurt you. You can not make or force another person to change for the better. God gave each of us free wills. I used to pray for God to do miracles changing peoples wills and one day He told me he gave each of us a free will and He won't interfere to force a person or turn them into a robot by taking away their free choice, whether they being doing good or not. So if you can't change others to change your situation, that leaves you with only making decisions that affect yourself and change in yourself. Again, its not easy without some guidance like perhaps from a professional counselor or life coach but it is still the only real avenue open to you. So if you don't like the drama, start making plans and checking out all the possibilities available to you to get out on your own, get a good job or if schooling is involved, finish school and then get a job. I don't know your situation exactly and won't be spelling out each step for you that needs be done. This you need to research on your own depending on whats most important to you, and what you want, your goals hopes and dreams. I wish you the best.

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I am a 15 year old girl. And my girl best friend (who is straight) knew I was lesbian but didn't know I liked her and I just told her about a month ago and I feel like she is pulling away from me and I don't know what to do?

Now that the cat is out of the bag, there's no way to make it go back to the way it was. Even if it doesnt bother her, she still knows and might internally be interpreting everything you say and do as to whether coming from a friend or from someone who is sexually interested in her.
All you can do is ask her if what you shared is making her uncomfortable to the point she doesnt want to hang with you. If so, then let her know that you will stop hanging around her then. And let it be a lesson to not share such news in the future with someone you know for sure to have a different sexual orientation than yourself. Put yourself in her shoes. As a lesbian, if a male friend told you he is attracted to you and wants to date you, how would you feel while just hanging out with him over a pizza watching his dream eyes, looking romantically at you even tho he knows you are gay. Would you feel like he might be hoping to change how you feel, as far as sexual orientation? See? It's not a good situation.

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Hey guys, 18, bi


I recently began attending university. New people, new atmosphere and all that good stuff. Among the people I've met, there is one girl who has caught my attention. She's beautiful, yes, but more than that. She's creative, funny, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, full of goals and very determined. Every time we talk, my stomach gets butterflies and I feel like it's just us even when we're surrounded (let the cliches begin). Anyhow, she's been messaging me out of university to talk about the most random things ever, (TV shows, her favorite movies, etc.) and I feel like sometimes she tends to cross the line of friendly. The other day she was having a tough time and said, "I was having a bad day and needed that laugh. I hate the world except for you" and when I mull it over I think I'm just making this up in my head. I don't mind crushing on her in silence, because I'm scared of the negative feelings of rejection so I guess, I just wanted some advice on how to go about this? My plan was to just go with the flow, and let it happen as it will.

Thanks for any advice guys!

Letting it happen naturally is the best policy to avoid scaring a person off if they don't feel the same.
You can be sly and bring up the topic of her sexual preferance but just don't make it the opening question in a conversation. WHile the two of you are already having a convo, try to use statement to steer the convo in the direction you want so you can gain the info you want. You choose the statements you want then followed by the question. Here's an example. "Hey what do you think of that guy Nick in our chemistry class? Do you think he's hot looking? Would you go out with someone like that?" She makes her response of yes or no and no matter the answer, if no "Why not. Are you lesbian or bi?" Or she says he's not her taste, then boldly ask what her taste would be for a date. If she says yes, you could simply state, "Great. No matter how cute he is, he's not my tastes." Leave it to her to ask you what your tastes are and then you coould mention you are bi, and what types of women or men you are attracted to. Thats an easy point at which to say, in women, I am attracted to gals like you. If she doesn't ask, you might have to try on another occasion, maybe making it a bit more obvious of pointing out a girl you think is hot looking. Then in the next s tatement, oh that guy over there is hot looking too, then choose another gal to point out and say how attractive she is to you. I think she'll figure it out that you are bi. If she starts asking, then you can ask what her preferances are or if she's even ever been bi curious and whether she'd be willing to explore that with you. You have to be patient and lead the convo without it appeared totally orchestrated.

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So I was at a robotics competition (I know it's nerdy) and a team chose us as an ally and we competed and ended up with 2nd place. Anyway the team captain was really nice and funny and smart so I kinda had a crush on him. We're both captains so we got a lot of time to talk and hang out that day. When I thought his team lefti decided to tell my friends that were also on my team but that was a mistake. It turns out he was still ther and they were like "we're gonna tell him!" So they did I was terrified to death and I literally stood frozen behind a fake plant as they told him. His reaction was that he lifted up his head from what he was doing and just walked way. It's really his reaction that bothers me. What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? He lives an hour away so it really wouldn't have worked but why did he reject me? It's just been bugging me tbh. Any help?

For me personally, if someone felt they had to pass messages to me, whether they are the gossiper or the one who isn't brave enough to speak to my face in person, I am turned off by it. More than half the time, when info is passed on, it tends to get muddled, misinterpreted or a totally different twist on it or the opposite of what was originally said. So I tend to not pay any attention to it.

I would say this young man, if he has the same feelings as I do about gossip or passing on messages from you, that he is very intelligent to pay it no mind.
Your reaction to how things played out make it clear that you are either very shy, have social anxiety, lack self confidence, or just have plain fear about things, situations or guys you don't really know well but are interested in. Luckily, there's ways to get past and over all that.
You can be confident and get over fear to talk to a guy yourself. Right now, the two of you have something in common so theres a good place to start with naturally. If you really want to get over your fear, anxiety, and gain self confidence, let me know.

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i have the worst anxiety you could ever imagine. i can barely go out. i cant be near a lot of people at all. barely even three people at once. anxiety has lost me jobs, chances at jobs, etc. i can barely do anything with it. but i need a job because i feel like a pathetic piece of **** without one. like im not worth anything. i dont like sitting on my butt all day. i dont want to do that anymore. i dont want to stay at home doing nothing but eat, watch tv/movies, etc all day. i want to actually have a job, but.....my anxiety wont allow it. i can imagine myself being happy with a job like putting returned books on the right shelves at the library. i love books, but mainly because its really quiet. im pretty confident on getting that job, but i want two jobs to be honest because i want to be constantly busy so i dont feel even the least bit worthless. whats another job like that that i can do......that hopefully pays pretty well. maybe a bit higher than $7.25.....? because i want to move out of my parents home because my dad gives me a lot of anxiety has well because hes always yelling at me which is horrid for my mental health. so please please please help me find a second job!!!!!!

Anxiety isn't something you have to live with. I know some people takes medication for it but that should be your last choice. I know of another treatment, one that worked great for me when I was in my last year of HS. I had extreme social anxiety and the one of the methods used healed me. I know its possible, no matter how bad your case is. The only thing is, you would need to see a psychologist, one who is specifically trained in and used the CBT method of helping patients. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I know of a Dr. who has a site on line devoted to reaching and telling people about this method so they can have hope to live a life free of anxieties and depression, both which can be helped by this CBT.

I suggest you check out the site and ask for referrals to any Drs. in your area who use this method. As long as you are in this state, there will be no job that is a low stressful job because the anxiety is still present inside you and unfortunately you carry it with you everywhere you go. So please consider checking it out. You sound desperate for a change which is perfect. So was I, so desperate, I was willing to do whatever it took to get over anxieties, no matter how scary initially it might be. Fear when faced, takes off running like a bully confronted.
Here's the website dear.

http://feelinggood.com/

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