|
Flirting while in a relationship
19/F
Iv been in a relationship for only 2 months with my boyfriend, we get along amazingly, when I'm not with him I miss him, and when I am with him I just want to stay with him all day!
But.. Iv started to become close with a guy I work with, we flirt occasionally and he knows I have a boyfriend. I was on a work night out with this guy and our other friends of course (my boyfriend was not there) and me and the guy from work ended up getting a cab together because our friends got in the other cab, we were both really drunk and flirting hard, he would try to wrap his arm around me and continued to tell me I was the best looking in the job, I told him the same, I feel really guilty because we almost kissed, I stopped it because I would never be unfaithful to my boyfriend, now when ever I'm in work I hope that we have the same shifts and I feel really guilty because I do love my boyfriend. Can anyone give me some advice to stop wanting to flirt with this boy
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. It's normal to find people outside of your relationship attractive, and it's even normal to flirt a little bit - as long as it's not excessive. Excessive flirting (in my opinion) is any kind of physical contact aside from something like playfully touching someone on the arm, or getting too personal. It looks like your situation with your coworker was a little excessive, but it didn't cross over to cheating, at least not by my definition.
If you are really serious about your boyfriend, I recommend cutting off all friendly, non-professional ties with this coworker. Tell yourself that he is a coworker only and avoid speaking to him outside of work. If you go out with your coworkers, avoid pairing up with him or spending time alone with him; I would also avoid drinking heavily on these outings. If he asks about your behavior, explain that you like spending time with him but that you have a boyfriend whom you are serious about, and you don't want to cross into dangerous territory. Your coworker may try to argue with you, may tell you that he will not let something like your previous cab incident happen again, etc. Tell him you appreciate the sentiment but just would prefer to maintain a professional relationship. You have to rely on yourself here, not on his discretion; after all, you are the one with a relationship at stake. Trust me, being cheated on sucks, but being the one who cheated (for decent people, and you seem like a decent person) is awful, too. You would likely feel guilty about cheating for a long time, so don't even allow yourself to be in a risky situation.
On the other hand, you are only 19, and have only been seeing your boyfriend for 2 months. Many people don't like being in serious relationships at your age because they still want to be single and explore their options. If you feel like this may apply to you, or you become genuinely interested in dating other people, I would advise you to end your current relationship.
I hope I have been helpful. Good luck!
]
Flirting is cheating - it's showing attention to other people that should only be shown to one person, and acting single when you're not. I think your boyfriend has a right to know, and you should both talk about where to go from here. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the idea of not being able to stop flirting seems ridiculous to me, if you cared about your boyfriend then no one else in the world would matter, and you wouldn't even think about anyone else. Maybe you need to think long and hard about your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in it. If you had a strong connection to your boyfriend, as I said, no one else would matter. It's not a case of not being able to stop, it's a case of not wanting to. If you want to flirt with men then maybe you're meant for the single life and aren't supposed to be in a relationship - that's fine! Relationships aren't meant for everyone. But you should talk to your boyfriend and find out where to go from here, and think about cutting the other guy off and not having any contact with him again. If you want to flirt with this guy despite having a boyfriend, maybe you ought to think about your feelings, maybe you have secret deep feelings for the other guy. Good luck.
]
The only way to stop it, is tell this guy you work with how you feel. Its hard, really hard but its the only way to figure it out. If he stops and respects you in the way that he at least tries to stop than at least you get to have a relief from it. If he gets mad in anyway or says something mean, than you can figure out just what type of guy he is. In my opinion, if a guy flirts with a girl while knowing she has a boyfriend he is either a ass or he likes you so much that he cant help it. You need to figure out just which one he is.
]
Let's face it, flirting is fun. For singles flirting has the added benefit of letting someone know you like them and might be interested in pursuing a relationship together. At this point, being able to read body language is helpful. What is not helpful is placing any significance on what 2 people do while drunk. The best thing to do is avoid getting drunk and only flirt while sober. That way a person is fully capable of controlling the situation, flirting for fun and not letting things get out of hand.
Just a thought here...are you are to let your boyfriend flirt with other girls even tho dating you? There's no right or wrong answer. However if you'd have a problem with him doing it, then probably it's best if you don't either. Do you know if he would get jealous?
I am married and I know of many happily married people who are not looking for affairs who do flirt. It the case of married couples, both have to be okay with it and no it's harmless with no other ulterior motives to it. Its another way to still feel attractive and keep up one's skills in flirting. The only way a person can feel guilty is if their thoughts are telling them they did something wrong. So to get over this, learn from it and move on, you need to change how you view this incident. My suggestion is rather than seeing this as an 'almost' cheating event, think of it as a learning event that you now will never have to repeat, unless you intend to get drunk again in mixed company.
]
More Questions: |