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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this.
Its hard or next to impossible to be fully there for someone else if in a serious relationship so I would agree with the other, not to get into a serious relationship just yet. Best to work on yourself for now. You said something about being past the worst point and trying to work things out. With depression, that is really hard to do so I am curious as to how thats working for you. I assume you do not wish to see a Dr. and find out you may require medication. I had a daughter who very well hid the fact she was depressed as a teen and didn't share until after birth of her 1st child when it went so haywire she needed meds but later got off them and has cut herself off from all family. Therefore, I know firsthand that depression isn't a thing to ignore or try to handle oneself. I have since come across info abut treatment for depression that is successful for the majority of depressed people with only a very few still needing meds. Depressionn is common for teen girls when their hormones are out of wack and instead of just merely crying too easily at movies, being a little more sensitive, a gal goes overboard to becoming depressed or suicidal. The hormone imbalance is easily corrected by a Dr. and is only needed until you get into your 20s. if thats the cause or part of it. The rest can be just distorted thinking, something all people do but dont reallize it. When its not often, it doesnt cripple a person but when its daily and all day long, then yes, the result can be depression. I want you to check out a website of this newer more successful way of treating depression called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, non medical, just exercise your Dr. works with you to change how your thought life goes and so if diligent, the results and being cured are much faster. Its worth a look dear and if you like what you read of comments from those helped, tell your parents what you are going through and show them the website and work on finding a psychologist who deals in CBT and tries that first with medication as a last resort.
As for your changing feelings for a guy, hon...you are being a normal girl and its part of a process of observation of guys, experiences with them, how they act, how they treat you and how they treat others, etc... Dating is nothing more than an information gathering stage before commiting to each other to become a couple if all about the other has checked out okay and there is love for each other. The thing is to date until you discover how great a guy is, or until you find things you do not like about him, or things that he does that are not supportive but tear you down or are things that will kill love and hurt or harm you in some way. Its hard to know in the beginning because of new relationship energy when everything feels wonderful and our senses are heightened so a relationship can feel like the real thing. During this time, each person works hard to be on their best behavior, hiding their bad traits from the other until they feel they have you hooked. No one can hid their true self indefinately so eventually it comes out and when it does, dont assume it was a one time thing, cus where one such action came from, there is more buried deep inside waiting to come out later. There were actions by my ex, that I now see were warning signs but I was too young and married him at 20 and from those 2 early on events that I thought were just a fluke, more and more of the same attitude came up and out and he verbally mistreated me for 30 yrs of marriage til I left. I am telling you this so you don't glaze over any of a guys actions as insignificant. Your late teens and through your twenties, you will date many until you find the one who loves you unconditionally and wants to settle down with you. The key is to make sure that you don't settle for less but each one you date is a step or two better than the last one.
What you shared of the differences between the two guys shows me that you are very observant, even in your depressed state. If you can be that sharp while depressed, It makes me have great hopes for you finding a wonderful guy eventually, the one you marry and have kids with. The depression is actually a boon to you right now, helping to show you who really cares about you and doesnt let the depression scare him away. Its like the story of a rich person pretending to be poor to meet their love so they can know the person loves them for who they are, not for their money. But you already know what depression does for you and how its restricts how fully there you can be emotionally for someone, so long term, it will hurt any relationship, but short term, its not an issue. I see no reason why you can't hold onto the new guy for a boyfriend and do what it takes to get over your depression cus it is possible. I got over anxieties by many of the same methods used in CBT so I know it works. Here's the website:
http://feelinggood.com/
I'd like to hear in the future how this all pans out for you dear cus its near and dear to me, having the daughter with depression. Good luck.
I'm interested in my guy friend (both early 20s). We met over a year ago quite randomly. If I didn't have a boyfriend and he wasn't seeing a girl (who he was really, really into) at that time perhaps there could have been something, maybe? Unless he was just flirting.
Anyway, we caught up the other day with the plan to eat at a food festival that night. To me, it felt like a date (because I like him) -
we fed each other food like a cute couple, he paid that day, drove that day. We had a chat with the couple in front of us when we were lining up for food and they assumed we were a couple too.
There was physical contact that day also; had his arms around me a few times, around my shoulders like a cuddle, touched my waist.
When we were walking back to the car there was a street band performing, we stopped to listen and he had one arm over by my shoulders to my neck from the back, to which I reciprocated by holding that hand. I was really shy/nervous so I didn't make eye contact.
Now what I'm confused about is his actions versus the casual conversations we had earlier in the car. He is a loud/confident guy and I'm a quiet girl... He jokes a lot but it's always about girls or being single - those related topics. He seems to really, really like girls... in general.
He noticed I painted my nails and had my hair down (something I literally never ever do) so he was teasing why I'm trying to impress him. I asked 'is it working?' He says "not really".... (Ouch). At one point he asked "Are you interested in anyone? Well except me, anyone else?". These sort of conversations are normal to him, his quite open and acts pretty cocky as a joke and knows it but I really don't know if it's a joke or not most of the time.
I remember him saying he would ask a girl out if he was interested since there is nothing to lose. So is he not asking me out because he only sees me as a friend? I know he likes loud girls but that's all I know.
After dropping me off I gave him a hug and got out of the car. He didn't hug me back...but he said bye when I got out.
We don't have those daily casual, random conversations via text or anything that people do when they like each other. In fact, he doesn't even reply to texts. I don't text him unless there's a reason to ie. To hang out, otherwise I'd probably look stupid for trying. So its hard to get to know him when his not reciprocating. I'm assuming his more of a guy who talks in person than behind the screen.
I don't have a problem with asking him directly and sure it's easier to get a straight answer out of him since he is pretty open. But I would rather leave that as a last resort. I just want to be sure that there's a chance or if he is just flirting.
I do apologise for the long post. I just wanted to be detailed to get good answers. Second opinion/advice/input/anything is appreciated.
You met over a year ago before the catching up hang out together. In all that time, did you ever find out if his status has changed in a year? Is he still with the other girl? Thats the important piece of info. You either forgot to mention it here or you never asked him. If he's still dating the other, then no matter how he acted, he's not available and if he soon were to be, I wouldn't date someone who goes beyond just flirting with words. What he did with you is definitely the kind of stuff a committed couple can be seen acting like. At the end, he was cold, no hug back so perhaps for him it was nothing more than a fun flirty excursion away from his girlfriend.
Has anything changed in the years time for you? What happened to the boyfriend, is he gone, cus is so, you are available but need to choose the next guy carefully. I am sure you want the kind who is free to date, not committed to a sweetheart so if he's still with someone else but acts this way with you, no matter how much you like him, this is way more than just being a gregarious, outgoing confident person. If I were you I wouldn't be too eager to get into a committed relationship with him, just observe him closely. What you might do is invite him to bring his girlfriend to an outing with you and your boyfriend. If he says he's no longer dating her, then you'll know he's single. If you have a boyfriend that you are in love with, then it doesnt matter how many men in the world may flirt with you in your lifetime, your commitment is to your guy. If you are dating to find out enough about your goy to decide if you want to make a commitment to be his only girl and he's ready to do the same with you, thats what dating is for. ITs the investigating stage about a person before you commit to a relationship. Just because 2 people see each other exclusively but have not made a commitment to be a couple long term or for life long doesn't mean they are not available to check out other people such as spending time with hanging out, on a date. When seeking my 2nd husband thru a dating site, I met lots of guys and went out a few times with quite a lot. I told each one I was still in the checking out guys stage and that by agreeing to go out to dinner with him did not mean I had yet decided to chose him, that I would meet with and spend time also with anyone else who wrote me until I decided. Of course we're talking older adults at this point so they were more mature but not a single guy had a problem with that. So what needs to be determined is whether you are truly uncommitted to anyone whether dating or not, whether you can see yourself with your current guy if any 10 or 20 years from now. Most women do not want to find a guy who will only date for a year, or 5, but not forever unless thats all they want is a social companion, at which point a social boyfriend is just that, someone to do stuff with but theres no committment. These are my thoughts on the subject.
www.
gofundme
.com
/tkcgj4gk
she needs surgery and my family cannot afford it
This is a good idea, gofundme to help your dog. The internet is a good place to place your gofundme ad but an advicecolumn is kind of a dead end, as it is limited to only those who give advice.
If you haven't yet, post this on facebook and other social media sites. See if some of the local vets, pet supply stores, pet grooming services in your area have a bulletin board where you can also leave your notice with maybe a pic of your dog. Or perhaps a coffee shop at gets lots of traffic will let you put up an ad or place a collection jar as well. I wish you well and believe that you will get the money needed for your dogs surgery.
how to pop fest
??? the question isn't detailed enough for me to be certain what you are asking. My best guess is that you want to know how to organize a music pop festival in your town or you want to find a way to afford to attend one. So please restate your question to have a better chance of getting helpful answers from us at advicenators.
My father is turning 55 on Sunday and he lives alone in his house with 60+ cats. He thinks it's a cat rescue, but I'm pretty sure it's hoarding. He just bought the house a few years ago and it's a complete mess with cat feces, urine and vomit everywhere.
Every time he gets rid of a cat he takes in 5 more and I'm sick to death of him living like this.
My dad is NOT healthy. He has had cancer, lung problems, multiple spinal disc bulges, hernias, and severe arthritis. On top of this he spends all day working and then comes home to "take care" of 60-100 cats.
In reality they just run around further ruining his home.
He makes okay money at his job (40K/year), but it all goes to his cats so he lives in poverty. He doesn't even have a couch, he sits on a little old plastic lawn chair and watches TV.
Animal hoarding is a felony in my state so I don't want to report him to the authorities and have him wind up with criminal charges but I do want to get rid of them all and clean up his house.
I can't do it with him knowing about it because he genuinely thinks what he's doing is a good thing and I know he'd refuse. I would have to get him out of the house and then do it.
I don't know where to even begin though?! Who would help me with this? He's estranged from everybody including family and has no friends.
Help!
Trying to help Dad as you have thought of is not going to help. It is futile, like removing all hidden alcohol from the home of an alcoholic without treating him for his alcohol dependancy. He will go out and buy more alcohol to bring home. In this case, there are psychological reasons why Dad is bringing home so many cats. Removing them all and cleaning up will only result in Dad bringing home new ones to replace all those taken away. So you can't fix the problem by removing cats.
Cleaning is not something the average person can do either. I once had an adult paper route and one lady had probably 30 cats from what I could tell. When I showed up at her door to collect money, she'd invite me in but the stench just out on the porch was overwhelming and created an instant headache in me. I am sure it would take specialists to check out the house to see if it can be cleaned at all to specifications to be habitable again and if not, it will be condemned which is probably one of the best things that could happen to him.
I know you love Dad and fear him getting in trouble with the law if reported but his case is different, it's not like he is running puppy mills or hoarding animals for a profit as a business. It is his comfort somehow. Somewhere along the line, Dad began to at least have behavioral issues spurred by a fault thought process. There is much of that kind of thing going on for people where it doesnt classify as a mental illness but needs a certain kind of treatment to address his particular issues. I am sure of this because most normal people do not choose to live this way, its only by terrible circumstances that some people end up having no choice over where and how they live until they ultan work their way up again. Thats not Dads case, he's choosing to live this way.
So the best thing is to call animal protection agencies and get them over to rescue the cats and also Adult welfare agency officials to go see him at the same time to see the condition in which he has been living. When any adult is in a spot of possibly being harmful to themselves, (like the living conditions he has created for himself) officials will step in and make sure he gets the help he needs. He will likely need to leave the house, be relocated and hopefully get the mental treatments that help him with whatever it is that caused him to go down this road in the first place.
Dad already has health issues that may shorten his life. Not addressing his cat hoarding issues and the strain that adds to his health will only make him even more unhealthy. If there was a way you could help him to possibly live a bit longer rather than die sooner, wouldn't you want to go for it. Plus, those poor animals need proper healthy homes. It is not healthy for them and many may already be too sick and weak to recover from having to live in that filth. I've seen a program of a man who had cats living in the walls and many dead cats and kittens in various hidden spaces of the house. The house ended up being torn down. Yes, he loses his home but it's not a bad thing as staying there will kill a lot of cats and likely kill him sooner too.
On the first day of my college theater class, the professor split us up into groups of about five or six people and told us that we were going to spend the semester working on a project together. The project was to choose a scene from any play to perform on the last day of class for our final exam. Everyone in the group had a job to do and each job was due on a different date in the semester. Other than acting, the jobs were set design, makeup design, costume design, and lights. All of those only had to be done of paper though and some people had to act and do one of these jobs.
We were all supposed to be a team and be equals, but this girl named Leslie acted like she was the group leader and started assigning us jobs when we were supposed to get to choose what we did. Most people didn't let her push them around like that, but I didn't really care much what job I did so I didn't complain when she suggested that I do the costume designs. It was kind of weird though because it was obvious that she wanted to do them, but she wanted to do the makeup designs as well and she couldn't do both or I wouldn't have had a job.
The costume designs were due in October and about a week before they were to be turned in, someone in the group asked me how they were coming. Leslie answered and said she hadn't started them yet. The other person clarified to her that the costume designs were my job and she said that she'd gotten that confused.
On the day the costume designs were due, I did them and turned them in, not knowing that Leslie had done her own and turned them in as well. Our professor didn't let us know that he had two costume designs from the same group and we never figured it out. Then in November when the makeup were due, he didn't have any designs from our group because Leslie had gotten our jobs mixed up again.
Then, after every part of the assignment was due except the acting, our professor gave us a sheet of paper with the grades we'd gotten so far on all the different parts of the project. We didn't have a grade for the makeup designs and Leslie looked at me and asked me if I'd finished them yet. I said I was in charge of the costume designs, but she argued and said she had done them. Luckily, the rest of the group took my side and insisted that the costumes WERE my job and she admitted she was wrong and said she'd due the makeup designs after class. Then just a second later, she decided that she didn't want to and asked me to do them instead since she'd already done the costume designs. I was irritated because I too had already done the costumes and I was the one who was actually supposed to do so while she was the one who screwed up. Still, being the giant push over I am, I said okay and agreed to do them.
I put my own butt on the line by doing so because makeup designs were so overdue and when I turned them in, it was going to look like I was the one in who was supposed to do them and forgot. None the less, I was willing to clean up her mess because our group was counting on that grade. Our final grade for the class was going to be our group grade for the project and a missing grade could bring us all down from say an A average to a B.
Leslie took the makeup designs from me when I brought them to class and when she handed them to the professor, I heard her say that WE had gotten confused about what jobs we each were supposed to do. WE didn't get confused about jack squat, SHE was the only one who couldn't keep straight what job she was in charge of. I'd let it slide if we didn't also get graded on how well we worked together and communicated as a group. Leslie's lie could have gotten us all docked a letter grade despite how hard I worked to save all of our butts from that very thing. That combined with the fact that the makeup designs were late probably did bring us down a lot.
My professor has given us all a chance to come to him with any complaints we have about our group members. So my question is should I tell him about Leslie? If I do, I might sound like a whiney little tattle tail and if Leslie gives him a different story, I might also sound like a liar. If I don't however, we could all get lower grades because of Leslie and her screw up, not to mention her throwing us all under the bus. I might as well have not done the makeup designs, but rather told her to do them herself as it wouldn't have hurt our grades any worse than what she's don has. So WDYT? Should I be a tattle tail and tell on her or let us all hang and do nothing about it? Also, I'm sorry about the length of this question. I really didn't think this would take this long to explain.
It isn't the professors job to fix and smooth over squabbles like in grade school or middle school. You are all old enough to start learning how to avoid these problems in the first place with ability to see into the future the possible repercussions of taking a certain path. Also, welcome to the adult world where we all need to problem solve and not let a problem/issue go on for too long without attempting to correct it already in the beginning. You say most people didn't allow her to assume control over them and protested. I dont know what they said, but I assume it meant them getting the parts/jobs they wanted. You say a few didnt protest like you. Were they assigned something by her then? Your issue started all because you did not choose to stand up to her. This is a life lesson you need to learn. Not doing so in the future could bode even worse issues than just a lower grade.
If you all get a lower grade because of her meddling, then the group as a whole need to go speak to the professor about it. And remember that there would be no need to 'tattle' on her if every single one of you had resisted and ignored her attempted to control you all. That lesson is the more important one you need to learn, more important than any class you are taking.
Ok, so just a bit of background so you all know what happened.
I met this guy online (let's call him Bruno) and we kinda hit it off, and even though we've never met, he eventually said he's fallen for me. Having a really messed up life, I've always told him that even though I do like him a lot because he's kind, he's smart, he's funny, we have a lot in common and he even looks cute and he makes me laugh, I couldn't promise him anything about being together-together because I still have a lot of mess to take care of in my life like being a drop-out of college and going through depression and basically one hell of a failure of a daughter. I've always told him that he shouldn't wait for me because he might just get hurt in the end if things don't end up well, even though I really do enjoy him being around. Even then, he still wanted to stay and wait because he said I'm worth the risk, butt I've always told him we'll be friends no matter what happens.
A few months later, I met someone online too (let's call him Morty) and I found we have a few things in common too. And then we talked and got close and we kinda flirted (obvs talked flirtiatiously because online) for a while and then he kinda dropped me because he said his life is busy. We did that for a month and throughout that month, my friendship with the first guy kinda decreased, which I know is bad and wrong.
After that, I decided that I should just focus on fixing my life so I told Bruno that he should stop waiting for me because I want to fix my life first before any relationship. It wasn't tragic at first, until I couldn't pull myself together because of many problems in my life and be there for him while he's working on moving on and letting go of his feelings for me. I wasn't able to, at the very least, support him and be his friend, even after I said we'll be friends no matter what happens. And now, he said he was angry at me for not being there for him, and for making him wait in the backburner while I flirted with a different guy. He's forgiven me, but the trust is literally gone and it's impossible for us to be together. All we could ever be is friends, though he said he doesn't have any reason to believe me which makes it weird because how can we be friends if he said he doesn't believe me anymore? Of course, I feel bad because I've always known he loved me. And now I can't move forward with my life knowing I've hurt him so much.
And for those people who will judge me and beat me up for what I did, please save yourself the trouble. I already did, and still doing, that to myself. I just want to know what to do now. Like, I want to stay friends because he said he still cares about me (but nothing more than friends) but should I even keep the friendship and work to earn back his trust or not? What do I do?
I'm sorry it was too looooong. I couldn't explain without getting into detail. Thanks for anyone who'll help.
After your whole story your only question is how can I stay friends with Bruno?
I might sound off track but I feel its related so here goes: Whenever two people interact on a frequent basis, that is a relationship of sorts as there are many relationships besides two in a romantic couple relationship. The word relationship comes from the word relate and that covers any way in which we relate or interact with another, whether, Mother, Father, sibling, friend, co-worker, lover. Then when it comes to friends, of opposite sex asa in your case, one or both can grow beyond the point of feeling only friendship and now having deeper feelings of love for the other. When the other doesn't feel the same way, there's a problem. I am not positive whether that is strictly your case or whether it's more of not wanting to saddle him with your issues until you've gotten past them. But either way, once one or both people have moved past feeling friendship into the territory of love for a mate, there's no going back to feeling just friendship unless he were to lose his memory and meet you freshly all over.
YOu said you decided to focus on fixing your life. Do you have any really helpful plans? How are they working for you? Are you getting the results you want? When we have issues, as ALL humans do, when we speak, we leave hints as to whats going on inside us. You mentioning that you are still beating yourself up over what you feel is a grievious mistake is one of them. It points to something I am familiar with, distorted thinking. I am not a psychologist but I know of methods that helped my anxieties go away for good and the same methods help with depression. A person has to feel good about themselves with a healthy self confidence before they are truly likely to have success at a relationship. So I do commend you for realizing that you need to work on yourself first. If whatever you are doing to get better personally doesnt work for you and you would like to know what I know about getting better, feel free to ask.
I don't know the circumstances of how you came to start having this relationship with Bruno. Perhaps you were lonely and just wanted any live person at the other end just to talk to. If the feelings for him or both of you evolved over time, then you did not go into chatting with him with the intent to mislead him, tease him into dating and then dropping him. You have stated all along that you at this current point in time are not the best relationship material. Well to an extent, all of us have something about us that needs changing as it will cause problems in a relationship. Its just that some people have less issues and others have way more.
I will also now state that sometimes LDRs, long dist. relationships work but usually in the case of the two having known each other but being separated by going to 2 different colleges, or married and one is in the service shipped out on duty. The already established relationship is helped by using LDR to continue it. However, even if you had no issues whatsoever, the truth about 2 strangers meeting and falling in love this way is that you can only know things to a certain extent. There is no way to earn or build trust with someone you aren't interacting with often in person and trust is important to a relationship. Another thing is chemistry. We can be attracted to a photo or what we see on Skype but we can't sense/pick up on chemistry...the pheremone kind which if too totally different from each other, neither of you would feel amourous or aroused by each other in person or it is very weak at best. That is a sex life killer and that knocks out half of the foundation to a healthy relationship as the other is being each others best friend. Sometimes best friends lean on each other when one is hurting and the other supports and encourages the other to grow and become healthier. He has good intentions in wanting to be there for you that way but it only works well if there is a real live relationship other than cyber going on.
Another thing as you've found with an LDR, is that is too easy to be distracted by a new friend or love interest, especially so if the new person is someone you can see, hold hands with, cuddle with, go on dates with, all of which you can't do with cyber friends.
If you both met over a dating site, the most important thing to know is that it might work if you use the pc and dating site merely as a search tool to come to know of the existance of the other. Then you read about them, chat for a week and if you are still intrigued and want to know more to see if a relationship has a chance of working, like the pheremone thing, then you meet in person as soon as possible. So those who live in other countries have virtually zero chance of getting together, those in other states have a small chance of meeting, and those living in the same state or a city close by, easy traveling distance by car, has the greatest chance of the two meeting, I dont know which applies to you but it is significant as well.
I hope this answers your questions about how hard it is to remain friends at this point with someone who has felt love...its not very possible and there's nothing you can say to change that. As for how to regain his trust if that is your wish, that also is extremely hard via online only. The only thing that gives you a real chance of knowing if this is someone you want to pursue long term is if one of you takes a vacation to come visit the other in person. That is the only suggestion I have. Trust is hard to rebuild even for 2 with an in-person relationship, but an LDR makes it next to impossible. You may think that if you promise to keep talking with him just as a friend, not a romance that he will be okay with it and it will work out. You have no control over what he feels. Because for him, as long as you are willing to keep talking to him, he see's that as an encouragement that he has time to talk you into or convince you somehow to fall in love. Until and relating to him is cut off, he will see it as opportunity to get you over time and so of course he wants the opportunity to help you with any issues so that this time comes sooner.
As I said, computers used as a tool to find ones partner is a good idea but it must be taken out of the computer into real life asap if its to have a healthy chance. I found my 2nd husband that way. Before I met him, I found quite a few guys who only wanted on line relationships, never to meet in person even tho I put in criteria only to meet those within short driving distance of an hour or so. I also found from others who finally did meet others and for myself, one or two I met in person that too often, its the people with fears, great anxieties, emotional problems, issues from their past, etc... who either are trying to hide from them and not want to change or those who simply haven't found the cure to be healed of their baggage yet, these seem to make up half of those who are going for on line relationships because if they were to attempt to date in person or live together, each others issues become too glaringly obvious and they can't deal with their partners baggage if they can't their own. He might be your average normal healthy person but its 50/50 chance he might have his own set of issues if he is using a computer to have a long term (only cyber) relationship with a gal. Theres a saying that you don't really know a person until you live with them. Think about all the dirty stuff you knew about siblings, parents, other relatives that none of their friends knew. Unless living with the person, how is one to know which guy leaves the toilet set up, who tends to forget to flush and who leaves their dirty clothes lying on the floor for days. Theres no way to know and that is the sort of stuff a person doesnt want to reveal about themselves or feel is important for a potential mate to know.
So all in all, my parting words are to find what really works for you and will rid you of depression, fix your low self image and gain self confidence. I don't necessarily see dropping out of school/college as being a failure. Depends on the situation, as it takes a student several times for even the non depressed to figure out what degree to go after. I personally know a lot of people like that, many false starts, only to drop out of one program and switch or drop out all together and their lives are rewarding and successful in their own right. As for having a daughter whom you describe as really messed up, I have no way to measure to what degree that it. Everyone has at least one family member who has all sorts of issues, either born with and need professional help or really bad choices they make that snowball into worse. I have two such family members. When a couple gets together for good, long term, then they inherit the family on both sides and need to be able to live with it. Your daughter shouldn't reflect on you any more than mine do of me. I was the natural nurturing doting mother and still had one turn out to be a real mess who cut herself off from the whole family and extended family. She was raised right. I dont let it reflect on me. But that is hard to do when one is depressed though. You cannot change this one thing that you mention as part of your issues because she's an individual with free will to make her own choices, and sadly we can not change any person for the better. The want to change must come from inside a person and might come from viewing the examples of people in their life who have it all together. All you can do is determine to be a good example, making a big turn around in your own life and pray for her, and maybe that will be incentive for her to change. I wish you the best dear.
The guy I was kinda dating just said he's not in love with me anymore. And I know he really did love me, and I can't help but think maybe I won't find anyone else who can/will love me as much as he did. I'm scared that I let the person who's loved me so much go away. But he said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, and I feel like I can't stay friends with him even if I want to. He's like my fourth boyfriend and everytime, it just gets worse and worse. :( Am I still going to meet someone who can or will love me as much as/more than he did? :(
As I am not a seer or psychic, I can't predict your future dear and give you a yes or no answer. I believe you want reassurance that it is possible and I can share a few things that may help.
You didn't say how long you dated before he began to feel he wasnt in love anymore. There is an elevated excitement with anything new in life, remember getting christmas gifts and how excitng that was? Well theres New relationship energy, a raised level of excitement that mimics the real thing of attraction and love but after a few months it begins to fade until gone. What you are left with is going to be the real level of love, the kind that can stand the test of time.
Age: Men in general at younger ages are not ready for long term commitments, or life long ones, or settling down with a gal to be her mate and father of her kids. There are always some exceptions to the rules but from just 3 daughters and the guys they've met, there were a whole lot who loved the temporary relationship and maybe living together but weren't ready for long term. This includes early 20s into early 30s. Teen boys, are definitely not mature enough for any long term commitment and most girls that age even if mature do not have enough life experience to know how to avoid making the obvious mistakes in relationships.
If a person is truly in love, can they fall out of love? Perhaps but I dont really believe that. My ex said he loved me but at end of marriage told a counselor he loved me for giving him children but was never 'in love' with me. My 2nd husband whom I chose more carefully with what i learned in life is someone whom I know is in love with me and there is no way either of us could fall out of love with each other, except for possibly one getting life long amnesia and not remembering the other or any of their past. I say there is always hope for finding true love but you've got to work hard and plan ahead to be able to recognize the right guy when you see him.
Beside N.R.E, there is a need to be able to detect the differences between loving something and being 'in love.' A guy can say he loves you and would be telling the truth but it isn't the same as being in love. If I lose my liver or heart, I will not be able to live without it. If I move to somewhere remote where I can't get wine or pizza, I will miss it but can live without it.
Loving someone is to love some aspects about them but you yourself still come first and your mate is secondary in your thoughts if at all. With the action of 'being in love', the person is so much a part of you and life is so much more special simply because they are in it, that if you were to lose them, it would feel like death to you, that you lost a part of yourself and will never be the same again.
who's chasing who: Here's another area that causes girls problems. If they wait until a guy notices them and asks them out, they are jumping to the tunes of whatever this guys character is like. They want a boyfriend so badly, they'll allow the guy to set his own standards for the relationship, and put their ideals aside just to have someone paying them some attention. This means the ball is in his court and he has control of the relationship. If you decide what you are looking for in a guy and after the first meeting a guy asks to see you a 2nd time, it means he's really interested in you or wants something from you so now's the time to not act desperate. Take on the role of the one enforcing the rules. You tell him who you are and what you need and want in a guy, lay out the boundaries of the relationship and so on. Most don't do this. I did this 2nd time around after a divorce. Meet thru dating sites and still had many men come after me at ages 40-60 approx. who still hadn't grown up, thought lying was okay, had character issues that were the same as my ex and why I left him but there were a handful of good guys whom I dated. You set the tone of the relationship and let them know if they feel they can't live up to that or don't want to, they can walk away now. But those are your standards and let them go if they can't live up to what you want. So it takes lots of forethought and planning before you're even ready to date a guy.
Needy in some way: Either one can be needy. But I know good stable guys do not like needy women. If they meet one, they get tired of her sooner or later. The only ones who stay with needy women, females with a low self image, low self confidence who won't speak up for themselves are controlling men who will abuse them in some way or another.
This last issue is one very important reason for having good self confidence as men who might be controlling who were attracted to looks will walk away as soon as you state your rules and boundaries cus you're too strong a woman for him.
I'm really really scared about one thing. I had oral sex with a guy and I did everything I can to be safe (im a guy too) when he came, i think some fell on my lips? The thing is, i like to bite my lips and such, but at that time, im pretty sure it's not bleeding. I also washed my mouth afterwards. Am I going to have herpes?
Its hard to give an answer because there are many people who are carriers of the herpes virus but have never had an outbreak and most STD testing do not include testing for herpes. I found that out after my divorce, never having an outbreak, deciding to have a STD testing to prove to any new partners after that, that I was clean. I asked them to check for everything including herpes. I never had an outbreak until after I was told I was positive for it. So I made sure any new partner knew of it. Thing is, many don't know. Obviously it is very painful and people don't engage in sex when having an outbreak.
You'd visually see an outbreak too. What we can't see is the day or two stage of where the virus which lays dormant at the base of nerves, travels the nerves up to surface of skin and lays there on the surface for a day or two before an outbreak. It cant be seen or felt. It is best if you plan on having any kind of regular sex with a new partner to have both of you tested for herpes to be sure you're in the clear. If you do get what looks like cold sores around your mouth, thats most likely herpes. My mother had that and my guess is I contracted it as a child simply from a kiss from her when she didn't have a sore as she never kissed us when she did have sores. THis is all I can tell you.
Me and my ex bf have been seeing each other for the past 1 year and 7 months Once or twice on a monthly basis and yes we do have sex i saw him oN the 20th nov but did not really have sex anywayz i havent heard from him since sunday 22nov until now so its been like 3 days,he is almost alot online but he dont chat to me..i thought id send him a text askin if hs ok,been quiet.thought id see if hs stl alive and i hope to hear frm hm soon..do u thnk i shouldv sent that text or shouldv just left it and stay away so he wl be able to miss me and text me first..does that text make me seem clingy
It doesn't make you look clingy but it does look like something else to me. You say he's an ex but you still see each other. Perhaps you're both very independant people and thats all you need in time to spend with someone. Ask yourself if issue that had you both break up, was ever been dealt with? Ask yourself why you are believing that saying, "absense makes the heart grow fonder'. That saying doesn't apply to everyone. For example, when I left my ex husband, I never ever felt myself grow fonder for him as time went on. If the other person is in love with you and you with him, then there would be NO absense or parting, not unless it can't be helped like one of you being sent out on a mission due to being in the military. If two people need too much time apart to be able to tolerate each other the few times they are together, then the true fact is that they are not the most perfect match for each other and most likely a really bad match with no hope. So waiting in silence for a call, assuming it will make him yearn for you is probably just wishful thinking.
The effect of sex on a relationship or breaking up of one: Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them. So dear, it may be only in your mind where there is an emotional bond to him because of having sex with him, and not there on his part or you'd have a full commitment by now if he was capable of commiting plus being sure you are the right lady to live out his life together with. Hey, I am female and I've been there where you are, believing all sort of misguided beliefs that wasted a lot of my time with the wrong guy. It happens. Ask him if he either sees a future with you to grow old together or should you both part ways and find new partners. Make sure he feels comfortable to share the truth and you need to be able to accept the truth from him. If you keep yourself leaning on him as a sort of emotional relationship support type of thing, you are not going to be fully available to meet and be with the right guy if he does come along. So either you both stop being 'exes' and work on the relationship, being a couple, or you need to walk away from him. Sometimes, no contact from a guy means, its over. Breaking up should be enough of a clue. You can't force a person to want to like you or love you. YOu can be the prettiest most wonderful female in the whole world but if both your chemistries don't match, you're shit out of luck and it wont work.
Tl;dr:
Met this guy online. Went on three dates talked to him for a total of 2 months (including dates). And it was PERFECT. Didn't sleep with him. He said he couldn't dedicate time to the relationship so we should call it off but he still really likes hanging with me. Can't stop thinking about him, it's been 2 weeks no communication. Should I text him?
Long version: second date he kissed me. Third date he he'd my hand and we got really coupley really fast. He does work a lot. Goes to work at 8. Gets out around 9. We could only meet up once a week because of his schedule. The last date we went on he said he wanted to hang the following weekend and never contacted me. Then Tuesday he said he was to busy to start something new and it wouldn't be fair because he doesn't have the energy. Though he really liked hanging out with me. I said I understood, but I can't get him off my mind and I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. Also.... I have a work holiday party coming up I was hoping he would be my date to. But then it all ended. Should I text him!? Or do you think his excuse was just a cop out and he really just lost interest?
I am married over 6 yrs now to a guy I met online who was hesitant to put up a profile because he worked hellacious hours too. Guys know that a female want time free to be put into a relationship. Now both of us are older and 2nd marriage for us but its one of the first things he said to me. When I finally began to see him, it was just a few evenings and some weekends as his job had him working some saturdays too and all he had left for doing laundry and grocery shopping and other errands was Sunday. Thats not a very promising prospect to offer a gal and a good guy will be mindful of that. Also, not every girl is able to cope with that schedule either. I was. Eventually he was no longer in that job, we were already together a year and have had even more time together now. This is a possibility. He was online for a reason in chat rooms or dating site, he needs the social contact and probably really wants to find a lady friend to become his girlfriend if they click but he doesnt have much time to offer. It could be that after 3 dates he decided he wasn't interested or liked you so much he couldn't or wouldn't put you through living with his schedule. The fact he said it wouldn't be fair and he wouldn't have the energy to put towards you is just what my husband said when we met. Did you discuss it further and ask questions or just accept what you interpreted him to have said? What you think he said might be true, however what if that which seems most obvious is not what he meant? What if he's still interested but feels he doesnt have time for you? After 2 weeks, I moved in with my guy which made it easier to find scraps of time to be together. We both dont need fancy things to do to feel like its a great relationship. We both enjoy life more simply having each other at our sides while doing the average household chores, errand running and lots of good conversation not to mention bedroom time each night, if at the very least some nights just to cuddle and snuggle. He was tired often and not available to be there for me. If a guy decided he doesnt like you, it doesnt happen after a 3rd date, usually after the first one. Same for me when I met guys before him. Its one thing to talk online and click but to meet in person is so different, I can then pick up on whether i feel any chemistry with a person or not, something you cant do online. It doesnt take 2 or 3 dates to figure that out. So dear, I am fairly positive he's just way too busy at this stage in his life and has figured that means it leaves no room for a girlfriend.
As for texting him as a form of communication, you miss out on tone of voice and in texting there can be chunks of time before getting an answer. If you want a convo with him, call, not text and have a talk and let you know you've been thinking about him and his work vs free time situation. Then ask him if he's feeling its unfair to you that he has little time and often little energy. Ask if you can keep in touch at least by text and if anything changes in his work schedule so he does have time to get in touch with you as you were really interested in him and don't want to consider it a dead end yet. And then, by the way, I get to bring a date to a holiday party from work and wondering if its a remote possibility for you? Here's the details.....
If you know you can handle being his lady friend and able to put up with his schedule without complaining about him not having the energy or time for you, then fight for him and let him know you are not the average type of female. You want to be able to prove to him that the two of you can make it work now and later in the future, perhaps his employment changes improves and you have more time for the relationship. Thats what I did with my hubby and it worked for me. But younger people with less experience in dating or who may take things too personally can end up fighting and theres the added stress to the guy and he backs out for good. It takes an exceptional female to be able to put up with that schedule. If you cant but at least want to ask him to go as your date in Dec work party, then ask and let him know there's no expectations of anything more, just that he's the only one you know of right now to ask along.
I'm a 15 year old girl, and everyday I am depressed. It's not actual severe depression but. Anyway, I have big dreams of becoming a singer. But I suck at singing. I wanted to get training but my parents can't afford it (online lessons are bad). I'm not doing so well in school either, even though I truly do try really hard. When I turn 18, I don't want to go to college because I know it isn't for me. I want to sing. That's literally the only thing I want to do. And I won't change my mind about it. Music is the only way I express myself. However, I suck so I don't know where to go if not college. I have NO self confidence, at all. I don't believe a guy will ever actually like me. I consider myself ugly and I'm just a failure at life I don't even see the point of me being on this Earth anymore. I'm not proud of anything that I do, no one else is proud of me either. My parents wish I was a "better" child with better grades and with a "better" attitude. I literally feel like I don't belong anywhere, and I feel like I am not capable of achieving anything due to my suckiness and untalentedness (< that's a word now).
Sounds like the depression is holding you back from a lot in life. If you ever get to the point where you are sick and tired of living with depression, let me know and I can at least point you in a direction to try what is very successful with others who've suffered either depression or anxieties or both. The methods I talk of, cured my social anxieties. You don't have to live like this but you have to be soooo ready and willing to do anything to get over it and healed.
As to what you can do right now to take care of this urge and want to sing, it can be done in venues online if you have a good enough lap top or desk top computer. There are a few different placdes but the one I am familiar with is called 'Second Life'. People can do anything in there that can be done in real life like singing ink a kareoke bar. There are clubs looking for singers or start as a host helping the owner of clubs and get paid in game money called lindens and spend it on purchasing your wardrobe other than what you can find for free, paying rent for a piece of
land which you lose is not paid up for the next week or month. Thats incentive to keep working inside the game. Most people with money spend it in the game just to have fun, driving a boat, windsailing, going dancing, finding romance, you name it. I have heard the singers on line in SL and they range from extremely talented but retired real life singers to those who have never had lessons and don't sing professionally. This is a place where people can realize their dreams even if it may not be currently possible in real life like a wheel chair bound young person being able to dance, run a race or whatever.
Hey...i am working girl 23 years old.recently my cousin brother got married,where I met his friend..whom I had met when I was too young like in class 3rd or 4rth. My cousin and dat guy are childhood friends.we were together only one day,surrounded by entire family. We two had vry little talks.but I caught him several times looking at me.many a times we had eye contact without any expression. No smile nothing. Now when m back to work,I tried hunting him and came to know we both are in same city. I just know his first name,tried searching him through internet but no result. What should I do to contact him. Coz I really don't want to lose him.pls help to show some bright light. Also m not sure if he has a girlfriend or not. He is like 5,6 years older to me. What possible step to take. Ur fast response would really help. Thanks a lot
The obvious answer would be to ask your cousin how to get in contact with him but since you are asking, my guess is you don't want to go that way for some reason. Maybe it feels awkward or embarrassing and you don't have a plan on how to get the info in a way that doesnt seem too obvious.
Here's how then, you still need to talk to cousin. But first, you need to plan a party at your place to invite some people to, like your best friends and maybe their boyfriends, cousin and his wife and tell him honestly that this friend of his caught your eye at the wedding and it seemed at least to you that you caught his eye too. So first you're wondering if he's single and if so, you'd like to invite him to come to your party along with cousin and wife and some other friends to get to know him.
Since it's winter, it can be a 'help decorate my tree', caroling party, with hot buttered rums and hot spiced wine and potluck on snacks. Its very easy to do. If the guy is at all interested in you then he'll show. If he wasn't interested he won't come. This way you can obtain the info to contact him and invite him yourself but ask your cousin to ask him after you do, as well. It may be he made no move towards you because he wasn't sure of your cousins reaction if his friend were to date his girl cousin.
I'm seriously done with boys at this point in my life , every single boy Ik is a fuck boy
What I mean by this is that boys think it's cool to cheat on girls like they will brag about it to there friends like its somthing to be proud of . I'm annoyed and scared that I will never be able to find a buff, cute , loyal guy that I can be happy with 😔
You did say 'boys' not 'men' so my guess is that it is due to their age, immaturity. Young males are more interested in sex than a real relationship. Their sexual urges at puberty are like a new toy received at Christmas and they want to play with it but they think they need a partner to play. Boys also worry about not being 'cool' for their buddies so if one starts bragging about having experienced sex with a girl, even if its not true, others will feel something is wrong with them and so make up stories of who they supposedly had sex with. During their 20s and sometimes into 30s, males are ready to date and have a relationship but want the sex with it, just not a long term or lifetime commitment yet. I won't say its all men, there are many exceptions to the rule but in general, this is what you'll find. Concentrate on school. For the reasons you mentioned, I talked to all my daughters about this before they started HS and told them to observe the girls who were popular and dated and broke up over and over, and what it did to their grades, my daughters reported back they didn't want to even start to get messed up in that crap. I told them if they could wait until they graduated HS, before dating and sex, it increased their chances of finding someone plus they'd be older and wiser. However not until mid 20s has the good judgement making part of our brain finished growing and maturing. So even choices in dating partners when in early 20s, may be rocky, just beware of that. I'd say that once past 25 or so, your chances to finding someone increase greatly. I wouldn't worry about it right now unless you are a much older female. In that case, there may be something you are doing wrong in how you go about choosing guys unless you wait around for guys to choose you which often is the problem.
Why does anyone like me in romantic way?
I know nothing about you like age, situation, lack of being able to observe you to see any possible traits that don't tend to attract people, perhaps even your location is a factor.
I know an adult woman who lives in a tiny town in the mountains, she's lonely and there are no available single males in her area because it is remote.
I cant really give you a satisfactory answer but heres a few of the major reasons for the majority of people.
Age: if you are young, young males of middle school thru their 20s are often not ready to or have any interest in a female for a romantic relationship. Females at any age are looking for commitment of some sort while males at this age are not often ready to commit to a relationship. Yes they have interest in females but more likely at the younger ages, its due to simply wanting to experience sex and they will convince a girl that they love her and want a real romantic relationship just to get the one thing they want...sex. So don't confuse that for romance...its not the same.
Looks: Girls feel they may not be attractive enough, not have pretty hair or face, not enough boobs or hips or too much weight. Males too feel inadaquate in looks too as they are buying in to media's representation of what the opposite sex will find attractive...don't listen....its just to sell products that a person thinks will make them more attractive. Truth is, young people keep choosing looks over personality and its not until bad experiences consistantly with those who look like models but are drama queens, shallow,no personality, OR they simply grow older and realize they have tastes in women that differ from what the media says is a good catch,that men begin to notice the girls that may not have ever dated before. This means there are guys who choose quality over looks. Self confidence is always the deciding factor in mature men, between two women with equal looks. Men often choose the more plain jane with self confidence over the one without. So its very important the things one can't see which i list next.
Unseen things: A female who is too shy, suffers social anxiety, has low self confidence or a bad self image will not only not attract a boyfriend but have difficulty having/keeping girlfriends. This is a big factor in why many girls are without a boyfriend.
Fear: Fear of rejection keeps many guys from asking a girl so if you like anyone in particular and know he's not seeing another gal, ask him out. Males like it when girls ask them out, it takes the pressure off of them. Theres also the fear of how to talk to or act around the opposite sex, fear of approaching someone. The best way to get over this is face the fear, its just a bully that runs away the moment you stand up to it, by doing the very thing you are afraid of, approaching a guy. And if nervous, admit it cus the sooner you do that rather than hide it, the fear and nervousness disappear, I know this as I suffered social anxiety as a kid and teen but overcame it by doing as I've mentioned here.
So analyse yourself or have a close friend do this with you to help with perspective. In what ways do you feel you are lacking. Is there room for improvement on self confidence? Once you know if its something you're doing, or if its just shy guys, you'll know what to do.
I would really like some assistance with this issue. I have gone around in circles, for a while... and I'm finally starting to come to a conclusion.
So, I met my boyfriend when I was 20. Right now, I'm 24. It took about 9 months to a year for us to become a couple. I had a crush on him for a while... but we were friends. We became a couple on my 21st birthday. I'm turning 25 in about 2 months... so that would be our four year anniversary. A year into the relationship, I made a huge change. I'm not going to get into too much... but basically, I had a huge loss in my family. This prompted me to re-examine myself a lot and make some changes in my life. Some people would say I became less "fun," but the reality is that I just became more mature. I grew up. I realized that my childhood and my time to be immature was over. My definition of fun changed.I fell into a huge depression for some time, and once I came out of it, I had obviously made some changes. I don't really credit these changes to the fact that four years went by. It was just the circumstances of my life during this time. Usually, people grow up together. But, in my case, he has had yet to grow up at all.
My mom started to HATE him about a year into the relationship. Things started to get really heated and she even refused to speak to me until I broke up with him. At the time, I was still living with her, and I came up with a lie. I told her that I had broken up with him and I've been seeing him in secret ever since. I thought that she was just controlling... but that's another question for another day, lol.
The point is, that since them, I've had a lot of time to examine him without my mom's input. I've had over a year to watch him without my mom knowing about it and giving any type of opinion. I had so many reasons to break up with him about a year ago. He was rude, disrespectful, and constantly putting me down. I could have left at any moment and just decided not to speak to him again. But... I didn't. But, of course, those things stayed with me. Now... he has made a complete turn around. He is being super nice, romantic, sweet, and constantly complimenting me. But, compliments don't mean much once you've been kicked to the ground. I just can't stand him. I know that sounds awful. But, it's like... everything about him annoys me. I don't want to write an essay on everything that annoys me and why... but the point is... that it does. I even find myself interested in other guys.
The problem is... I CAN'T break up with him. At one point, I tried, and I became suicidal. And that's not an exaggeration. It was true. I even wrote letters to my family saying goodbye. I read them a few months later and could't believe that I had been in such a dark place at that time. My high school sweetheart really hurt me. I think that was the only guy that I have given my entire heart to. And he shattered it. I guess that I couldn't fathom the fact that I would hurt somebody the same way. I didn't want to be responsible for that kind of pain. So, I would rather suffer and be in an incompatible relationship than break his heart. The reality is that I'm a point in my life where I'm ready to get married. And I don't see this relationship as a marriage. There are a list of things that I want in a marriage relationship, and he barely meets any of those requirements.
I wish that I could just get on a plane and leave the country. Go hide somewhere and not have to face him. I don't want to face him. I don't want to do this. The only thing that I can think of is just not giving him an explanation. Just become really cold and cut the ties, cut the lines of communication. I really can't face anyone with this problem. So, this is where I NEED your help. I need to end a relationship without saying the words. Without facing anyone. Without talking to them. I just can't do it. I don't need to be told to "face my fears." This is deeper than most people can understand. I am afraid to go back to that place where I was suicidal. And that's not exactly a "face your fears" type of situation. That is very serious and whatever prompted those feelings not too long ago, I feel SHOULD be avoided. But, I can't just keep dating him on the down low. Sneaking around town, going somewhere once or twice a week just to "maintain" this relationship.
PLEASE HELP. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
I agree with the other advicegiver. She mentioned talking to him as a friend and thats the point at which I feel I must add something.
If I understand correctly, you and he made a commitment on your 21st birthday to each other to become a couple and its that commitment you have an issue breaking. Heres a few views of mine of relationships and breaking up.
Dating is first and foremost a way to further investigate and explore a person you are interested in to see if you both make a good match. At the time, you did so you did the next step and made a commitment. What you mention of personal choices and growth that take you in a different direction as to how you view and live your life can create a chasm between two people that can't be bridged. It is one of the most natural reasons and a good one for splitting up. You are wise to have even acknowledged this occured as many don't.
The best long term or life long relationships such as marriage for example have a need for two things to have a solid foundation. one is being the best of friends, and the other is to have chemistry sexually. It is likely that fact of his friendship that makes it hard for you to part ways and ask that of him. But even though you made a commitment, life can bring changes where a commitment must end. Sometimes we even get caught up in speaking vows that we don't know we might not be able to keep in the future as we can't see the future. So breaking a commitment like a marriage vow to stay together 'until death do us part' isn't the most perfect vow a person can make. The best is, I will remain with you for as long as I am in love with you.
And on that point, I will share a bit of my history to make another point. You mentioned the hurt of feeling kicked to the ground by him in the past and how just words he speaks are not enough to repair and fix it. I know. I was in a verbally abusive marriage to a man in the church. I did love him in the beginning but about the 4th to 5th year, I was losing my respect and love for him, the kind of love for a spouse. I still cared about him as a person and stayed for the kids sake. what I found is that tho there was the honeymoon cycle of kiss and make up after each time he treated me bad which happened over and over, the period of times he treated me well got shorter and the bad times longer. The stress of it on me had to go somewhere and I suffered all sorts of stress induced ailments physically. While not the same scenerio, the stress will be there for you, stress of knowing how you feel or rather lack of the same feeling as before and not mentioning it to him.
It really comes down to a different way of you looking at the situation, your thoughts on it need to change so you can do so without fearing guilt. It's guilt you are trying to avoid, the guilt of hurting him.
Well, as already mentioned, there are always changes, unexpected ones that occur in ones life that aren't due to a relationship, let go from or rejected as a job applicant for one and that hurts too. We can not erase such things ever happening. Heres how to look at it so you can go through with telling him in the way the other advicegiver mentioned. First, you don't want to hurt his feelings. So lets imagine you dont tell him, you stay with him intending forever even tho he's not husband or father material. You have a couple kids. He is still immature and you grow to resent him even though you chose to stay. Your feelings grow even colder towards him, finding ways to be so busy else where that you rarely see him. He on the other hand should be happy cus you married him, right? Put yourself in his shoes. From this point on, all he knows if that even tho you married him, you grew colder and more distant and he has no clue. All he can imagine is that you are having an affair and thats why you no longer love him. He can't shake that feeling so you finally tell him whats going on. Now the poor guy will be hurt even worse knowing that you strung him along into a loveless marriage, wasting a chunk of his life where he could have been free to find someone even better for him. He may not be only hurt but very angry with you and want a divorce on the spot and now the kids will suffer. This is not some imaginary silly story. This happens all the time to those who stay together long term as a couple or marry under the assumption by ones partner that they are genuinely loved in return. He is going to be hurt whether you break up now, and he will hurt and bed angry later if you chicken out and it comes to a head later. I dont know how many people I've talked to who are both miserable with each other but wont break up because they are best friends, just not happy sexually, so both start having affairs on the side and eventually come to the point of wanting out of their original marriage to be with the new person they're happy with but they dont know how to or have fears that it is wrong because of the vows they made when getting married. People often drift apart. If its due to neglecting each other, couple therapy can help. If its due to one or both changing to where they later are no longer a good match, then they need to split up cus therapy won't help.
If he's the explosive, reactive, anger problem type, then I can understand not wanting to tell him face to face so break the news to him via a letter...but you will have to speak to him eventually cus a break up only via letter with no talking to is a very cold way and much more painful to a person. Some pain in life is avoidable, like the sting of a needle to get a much needed vaccine. If you attempt to go thru life not wanting to rock others boats, but keeping your feelings to yourself because you are a 'nice' person, then you risk developing anxieties because you haven't been true to yourself and this is often how anxieties and depression start, from brushing your own feelings under the rug and putting everyone elses feelings at higher importance than your own. If you don't believe my last statement, I encourage you to read, "When Anxiety Attacks" by David D. Burns.
I wish you well but you can't ignore your own feelings and happiness here.
I'm 16 years old I'm a junior in high school. On August 18 I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive according to my last period which was July 7 I was barely around 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. I live with both parents and their are the most strict parents ever. My sister is about 10 weeks ahead she's pregnant too. The difference is she graduated highschool and college, had a job and a boyfriend my parents liked. My parents hate my boyfriend and I have no money or anything. My boyfriend is 19 and has a job. It's been months since that happened but I still haven't told my parents I'm suppose to be around 19-20 weeks. I still haven't told them or seen a doctor I'm so scared I don't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I really was pregnant but now I'm beyond sure because I feel little bubbles and fluttering in my belly.. I don't know what to do
You'll have to tell the parents or they will find out by the size of your tummy. But first, Tell your sister. She's more likely to be understanding and may be willing to be moral support when you go tell your parents. At 5 months, you are likely showing already and if not, should be in another month, so even if you decide to do nothing, the news will be out of the bag soon by Mom noticing your pregnancy. It is important that you see a DR for yours and babys health. You need to be taking prenatal vitamins for one thing. In todays time, there are many options and much info and help for teen Moms and you need to get hooked up with an agency in your area that specializes in this.
Try this site that addresses all sorts of things from telling the parents to housing for pregnant teens in worst case scenerio.
http://www.pregnantteenhelp.org/cat/help/
You can also try a web search under 'help for pregnant teens in'and last word is name of your state and you may be able to find it listed by your city if its large enough. Good luck.
I've had these annoying white spots on my scrotum for the longest time now. They are basically these hard white lumps in the skin and sometimes they kind of come to a head like a pimple and you can squeeze them out like a pimple and this white stringy stuff comes out. Although usually this doesn't happen. Usually they stay hard and under a couple layers of skin. Sometimes especially if you squeeze a spot a couple of times it swells up and I have to pop it to relieve the pain. To do this you have to dig through the skin to get at them. Sometimes you can dig the whole lump out ( under a couple layers of skin it's like this little white ball, the wall of it is skin and the white stuff inside is like this pimple material stuff it's not like puss material it's almost like a stringy whitehead material) If I dig/cut the ball out intact from the skin surrounding/over it it's like a hard ball and if I take my nail and push down on it you can hear it pop and all the material out of it. If I don't dig it out complete I take a sewing needle and poke through the skin and into this "sac" and it pokes a hole in it and if I squeeze it after finally poking a hole into it the white material comes out. So basically these things are like hard white sacs underneath the skin. From what I can find online(I've never had a doctor look at them) they are called fordyce spots) from what I read they form when a hair follicle spot is empty due to hair not growing or forming in it and sweat and stuff gets in it and that's what forms these hard white sacs deep under the skin that I have. There is a lot of them, my whole scrotum is pretty much covered in them.they look skin color to where you can't notice them really until you feel them and they just feel like hard bumps..I guess almost like papuels (hard forms of pimples) but what I was wondering is if anyone else has had these or has these or have seen them. Also does anyone know how these are gotten rid of for good or if they do ever all go away perminately? Because it seems like no matter how many I pop or get out/rid of they come back or the amount of them doesn't go down? Any help or advice is appreciated thank you! I'm a 23 year old male, and have had these for a couple years now. I know they aren't harmful but they are annoying and kind of embarrassing when they hurt and I did them out and I end up with scabs from the digging, I am embarrassed to have a girl see that.
It sounds like the occasional thing I get somewhere on my face. The skin its under is thick and tough so I can't squeeze out like pimples. If I leave it alone, for months, it doesnt go away and either stays a certan size or keeps growing until I can see a white lump under the skin. I got rid of mine by doing the same thing of piercing the skin. However, it could be a source of entering bacteria from a not so clean pin or needle or germs get in later. If you had one on the face occasionally, I'd just say, take the risk if you want and take care of it yourself. But since your's is in great numbers in a sensitive area, its better to be safe than sorry and find out how a dermatologist suggests getting rid of them there.
I'm a 12 year old female, I either want to die my hair very bright blonde and put in black streaks, or black and have blonde streaks. I'll describe how I look: I currently have brown hair with blonde highlights I got done. I like the blonde tbh, I have brown eyes a little hazelish, and tan skin. In the winter my skin is the palest it gets but is still very tan, and in the summer my skin gets dark as fuck. I'm still white, but most my family is Italian. My mom's side 100% and my dad is half Irish and half Italian, but the Irish side of my dad's family also has French too. My grandma's Irish but her mother is from France, grandpa's italian, so you can kind of imagine my tan-ness? My hair is thick and curly but I straighten it and have side bangs covering my left eye. I wear pretty much all black and dark colors, and my nails are black. It looks pretty good next to my skin. So what's your personal opinion?
From what you describe your hair and skin color to be, you would be classified as being a 'Winter' in color schemes which is cool colors but vibrant wheres a Summer is also cool but pastels. I used to work my own in home party business doing color draping to help people discover what colors are best for them. When wearing the wrong colors, it tends to pale the face or make one look sick, or it distracts from the rest of them. People will only notice the part that doesnt fit color scheme wise and sticks out so if its the pants, they wont notice the whole you. In wearing whats best,when it comes to colors, the most important thing is the colors of the clothing at your neck line, your hair color and makeup. Black is perfect color for Winter type people. It is a bit overpowering for the pastel Summer and Spring types, Spring being the lighter of the two warm based color types.
I understand wanting to bring in some color to your almost black wardrobe. So I would also vote for black hair with colored streaks. Since blonde or any yellows, oranges, and golden colors are not really good for your personal color makeup, I would also suggest on thinking about a different color other than blonde for color streaks. A nice wine color, fuschia might look really good. Black hair often naturally comes with red or blueish sheen to it. So blue would also be a good color as long as not too pastel. One more option might be if you really want to go with the blonde is to do the tips of your hair like 2 or 3 inches at the bottom if its long. I had a daughter do this. a brunette who tinted the ends lime green at about your age. That seems to be the age when girls start to experiment with their hair. If you need Mom;s permission or okay with this, its easier to get a Mom to say okay to tinting the tips which can easier be cut off once you get tired of it or if it turns out to look awful to your liking, harder to do with streaks where you have to wait with a bad color scheme for it to grown out.
I am a female in my early 20s and I have been dating this guy, Trevor, in a different city than me for a while so I typically spend my whole weekend up there so I spend a lot of time with his roommates, Brent and Riley. Trevor and I went camping with his roommates not too long ago and I realized that I click with his roommate Riley way better than I do with Trevor. Since then Riley and I have become super good friends and innocently chat all the time. I can tell that he knows we have strong chemistry too and Trevor knows it and gives me a hard time about it. How do I handle this? Do I confront the situation with Riley or just stick with Trevor?
(Names changed for privacy!)
What adviceman said is what I always say about dating...it is more like investigative period of time during which you either discover a guy is compatible/perfect for what you are looking for, or he isn't. Sometimes, one believes they have found the best person possible until another comes along and once you see the comparison, you realise now that your original partner would be 'settling for less than the best'. Just dating, is not a commitment. If Trevor asked you at any point to be be with him, then you need to do one of two things, either break it off with him to date Riley now or stick to a commitment. If there is no commitment, you own it still to him to say something. The best explanation one can use that seems to make sense and is understood by most is the phrase, "I feel more chemistry and click with ----- more so I am going to explore that. In my late 40s after a divorce, that is what I used when I met and dated some guys until I found my 2nd husband. They all seemed to understand that explanation. Rejection of any kind still hurts so dont expect Trevor to be your good buddy still and it would be extremely hard for you to visit Riley while your ex dating partner is in the same place. Riley might have to make the visits to come see you. Again, just so you understand, dating is an information gathering process, not a commitment. If Trevor is really upset, you can give him that statement. From here out, any guy you meet, make sure you let him know you are intrigued by some things about him and want to date a while to get to know him better and see if there's a possibility to find a long term partner with him. By dating, you are not making a commitment to him. It means both of you are still free to come across and meet others you may like better. However at the point either you or the other guy want to explore someone else by dating, then you might choose to agree to let the other know so they'll understand why they aren't hearing from you. In dating the 2nd person, one may discover that the first was better after all and come back ready to make a commitment and we should always be open to doing so. Let the guy you date know he can always let you know of a change of mind. Until two people fall in love and want to make a long term or life long commitment to each other, they are free to meet and get to know others, as long as they are fair and open up front about it.