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Will I ever be able to still find someone who'll love me?
The guy I was kinda dating just said he's not in love with me anymore. And I know he really did love me, and I can't help but think maybe I won't find anyone else who can/will love me as much as he did. I'm scared that I let the person who's loved me so much go away. But he said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, and I feel like I can't stay friends with him even if I want to. He's like my fourth boyfriend and everytime, it just gets worse and worse. :( Am I still going to meet someone who can or will love me as much as/more than he did? :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know it sucks, but this is totally normal way to feel after a break up. We all pretty much feel unlovable and hopeless for a while when someone we really like turns out not to like us as much.
You will almost definitely fall in love again.
You are worthy of love, and lovable.
It's okay not to be friends with someone if it's too painful.
Breaking up is something you learn to do - but no one ever gets 'good' at it. You just get less bad at it. It always hurts. It always sucks. It always heals in time and then we fall in love all over again, because being human means being crazy like that!
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As I am not a seer or psychic, I can't predict your future dear and give you a yes or no answer. I believe you want reassurance that it is possible and I can share a few things that may help.
You didn't say how long you dated before he began to feel he wasnt in love anymore. There is an elevated excitement with anything new in life, remember getting christmas gifts and how excitng that was? Well theres New relationship energy, a raised level of excitement that mimics the real thing of attraction and love but after a few months it begins to fade until gone. What you are left with is going to be the real level of love, the kind that can stand the test of time.
Age: Men in general at younger ages are not ready for long term commitments, or life long ones, or settling down with a gal to be her mate and father of her kids. There are always some exceptions to the rules but from just 3 daughters and the guys they've met, there were a whole lot who loved the temporary relationship and maybe living together but weren't ready for long term. This includes early 20s into early 30s. Teen boys, are definitely not mature enough for any long term commitment and most girls that age even if mature do not have enough life experience to know how to avoid making the obvious mistakes in relationships.
If a person is truly in love, can they fall out of love? Perhaps but I dont really believe that. My ex said he loved me but at end of marriage told a counselor he loved me for giving him children but was never 'in love' with me. My 2nd husband whom I chose more carefully with what i learned in life is someone whom I know is in love with me and there is no way either of us could fall out of love with each other, except for possibly one getting life long amnesia and not remembering the other or any of their past. I say there is always hope for finding true love but you've got to work hard and plan ahead to be able to recognize the right guy when you see him.
Beside N.R.E, there is a need to be able to detect the differences between loving something and being 'in love.' A guy can say he loves you and would be telling the truth but it isn't the same as being in love. If I lose my liver or heart, I will not be able to live without it. If I move to somewhere remote where I can't get wine or pizza, I will miss it but can live without it.
Loving someone is to love some aspects about them but you yourself still come first and your mate is secondary in your thoughts if at all. With the action of 'being in love', the person is so much a part of you and life is so much more special simply because they are in it, that if you were to lose them, it would feel like death to you, that you lost a part of yourself and will never be the same again.
who's chasing who: Here's another area that causes girls problems. If they wait until a guy notices them and asks them out, they are jumping to the tunes of whatever this guys character is like. They want a boyfriend so badly, they'll allow the guy to set his own standards for the relationship, and put their ideals aside just to have someone paying them some attention. This means the ball is in his court and he has control of the relationship. If you decide what you are looking for in a guy and after the first meeting a guy asks to see you a 2nd time, it means he's really interested in you or wants something from you so now's the time to not act desperate. Take on the role of the one enforcing the rules. You tell him who you are and what you need and want in a guy, lay out the boundaries of the relationship and so on. Most don't do this. I did this 2nd time around after a divorce. Meet thru dating sites and still had many men come after me at ages 40-60 approx. who still hadn't grown up, thought lying was okay, had character issues that were the same as my ex and why I left him but there were a handful of good guys whom I dated. You set the tone of the relationship and let them know if they feel they can't live up to that or don't want to, they can walk away now. But those are your standards and let them go if they can't live up to what you want. So it takes lots of forethought and planning before you're even ready to date a guy.
Needy in some way: Either one can be needy. But I know good stable guys do not like needy women. If they meet one, they get tired of her sooner or later. The only ones who stay with needy women, females with a low self image, low self confidence who won't speak up for themselves are controlling men who will abuse them in some way or another.
This last issue is one very important reason for having good self confidence as men who might be controlling who were attracted to looks will walk away as soon as you state your rules and boundaries cus you're too strong a woman for him.
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