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3 dates and i can't stop thinking about him
Tl;dr:
Met this guy online. Went on three dates talked to him for a total of 2 months (including dates). And it was PERFECT. Didn't sleep with him. He said he couldn't dedicate time to the relationship so we should call it off but he still really likes hanging with me. Can't stop thinking about him, it's been 2 weeks no communication. Should I text him?
Long version: second date he kissed me. Third date he he'd my hand and we got really coupley really fast. He does work a lot. Goes to work at 8. Gets out around 9. We could only meet up once a week because of his schedule. The last date we went on he said he wanted to hang the following weekend and never contacted me. Then Tuesday he said he was to busy to start something new and it wouldn't be fair because he doesn't have the energy. Though he really liked hanging out with me. I said I understood, but I can't get him off my mind and I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. Also.... I have a work holiday party coming up I was hoping he would be my date to. But then it all ended. Should I text him!? Or do you think his excuse was just a cop out and he really just lost interest?
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I am married over 6 yrs now to a guy I met online who was hesitant to put up a profile because he worked hellacious hours too. Guys know that a female want time free to be put into a relationship. Now both of us are older and 2nd marriage for us but its one of the first things he said to me. When I finally began to see him, it was just a few evenings and some weekends as his job had him working some saturdays too and all he had left for doing laundry and grocery shopping and other errands was Sunday. Thats not a very promising prospect to offer a gal and a good guy will be mindful of that. Also, not every girl is able to cope with that schedule either. I was. Eventually he was no longer in that job, we were already together a year and have had even more time together now. This is a possibility. He was online for a reason in chat rooms or dating site, he needs the social contact and probably really wants to find a lady friend to become his girlfriend if they click but he doesnt have much time to offer. It could be that after 3 dates he decided he wasn't interested or liked you so much he couldn't or wouldn't put you through living with his schedule. The fact he said it wouldn't be fair and he wouldn't have the energy to put towards you is just what my husband said when we met. Did you discuss it further and ask questions or just accept what you interpreted him to have said? What you think he said might be true, however what if that which seems most obvious is not what he meant? What if he's still interested but feels he doesnt have time for you? After 2 weeks, I moved in with my guy which made it easier to find scraps of time to be together. We both dont need fancy things to do to feel like its a great relationship. We both enjoy life more simply having each other at our sides while doing the average household chores, errand running and lots of good conversation not to mention bedroom time each night, if at the very least some nights just to cuddle and snuggle. He was tired often and not available to be there for me. If a guy decided he doesnt like you, it doesnt happen after a 3rd date, usually after the first one. Same for me when I met guys before him. Its one thing to talk online and click but to meet in person is so different, I can then pick up on whether i feel any chemistry with a person or not, something you cant do online. It doesnt take 2 or 3 dates to figure that out. So dear, I am fairly positive he's just way too busy at this stage in his life and has figured that means it leaves no room for a girlfriend.
As for texting him as a form of communication, you miss out on tone of voice and in texting there can be chunks of time before getting an answer. If you want a convo with him, call, not text and have a talk and let you know you've been thinking about him and his work vs free time situation. Then ask him if he's feeling its unfair to you that he has little time and often little energy. Ask if you can keep in touch at least by text and if anything changes in his work schedule so he does have time to get in touch with you as you were really interested in him and don't want to consider it a dead end yet. And then, by the way, I get to bring a date to a holiday party from work and wondering if its a remote possibility for you? Here's the details.....
If you know you can handle being his lady friend and able to put up with his schedule without complaining about him not having the energy or time for you, then fight for him and let him know you are not the average type of female. You want to be able to prove to him that the two of you can make it work now and later in the future, perhaps his employment changes improves and you have more time for the relationship. Thats what I did with my hubby and it worked for me. But younger people with less experience in dating or who may take things too personally can end up fighting and theres the added stress to the guy and he backs out for good. It takes an exceptional female to be able to put up with that schedule. If you cant but at least want to ask him to go as your date in Dec work party, then ask and let him know there's no expectations of anything more, just that he's the only one you know of right now to ask along.
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I think it's best to believe people, and respect what they say to you.
He probably was telling the truth. He probably also lost interest. Most likely, both of those things are true.
Don't text him. Don't put yourself out there for someone who told you straight up they weren't interested. You'll just end up hurt. Try to move on.
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I cannot say if this is a cop out or something else. What I will say is whatever it is it does not pass the smell test as in something is fishy here. If I want to be with someone I don't stand them up and I find the time. My thoughts tend to lean towards he is otherwise involved with someone or even a married guy.
My advise is to forget him and move on. If he does contact you again and you want to have a relationship with him you tell him just that. You tell him until he is ready to commit to an upfront relationship where you two go out in public. Where he makes time to see more than once a week and he never again stands you without calling you. Until then he should not contact you as you will not have anything to do with him until he is ready to give you and a relationship his full attention.
If he is not willing to do this then I can only see you getting hurt. He is just one in a sea of men who I'm sure would be more than willing to invest the proper time into seeing if a relationship can be made with you. You deserve a man's full attention and should never settle for anything less.
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