NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: i think i have been suffering from GAD for awhile but at the moment, 15/f i dont have healthy insurance and we dont really have the money to get a screening test or something. bu for right not a lot of traumatic things have happended in my life that have emotionally fucked me up. depression was one of them, but slowly now i am feeling better due to huge changes i made,i am not on medicationa and never was and really dont want to be. i perfer working out, yoga, eating healhty and socializing the best i can. i am usually, or what i am trying to get back is that i am a really funny, unfiltered, spontaneous, talktive person but when this all happend 3 years ago everything about me changed including the way i interacted with people and my thoughts and emotions. like i said its getting better, my dpression but my anxiety is kinda bad. i dont really get anixety attacks anymore but i have to present something for school in front of my class at achool and usually i would get an A on it becasue its so easy for my to just keep talking about what the topic is, even if i didnt totally know what it was about. but this time we have to have notecards and do a powerpoint and the powerpoint is just supposed to have pictures on it and the notecards are supposed to have the info on it and your supposed to "present" to the class from the notecards and elaborate on it. im scared becasue out of no where i cant concentrate i start almost sweating and i cant breathe and i feel like im going to faint, or my knees start shaking, i cant even breathe to the point where i cant catch my breath and theres just this long pause and its so awkward. one time i actually had to physcially stop and go up to the teacher and make some exscuse. so by my doing really good this could really help my self confidence but if do really bad this could be bad. what could i do to help my anxiety? its not even that im nervous of presenting, it comes naturally to me but this happens and i dont know why?? thankyouu

As a fellow anxiety sufferer, I get you. It's totally possible to feel anxious about stupid things that you aren't nervous about. There are days when getting on the bus makes me anxious, but it's not like I'm afraid of taking the bus.

The key is to practice. And practice and practice and practice. Practice until you can do it with your eyes closed and then practice some more. Don't leave anything to chance. Also, if possible I find that volunteering to be first is (counterintuitively) a good tactic. When you go first you don't have to sit in your seat and stew about what's coming up.

I also like to stop prepping an hour or so beforehand and just focus on relaxing. This goes for tests, too. Any cramming you do at the last minute only makes you more anxious, and you're not going to get anything out of it. Don't even look at your cue cards for an hour before your presentation. Practice your breathing exercises and relax as best as you can.

Q: How do I no he likes me my pastor is married n I find my self thinking about him all the time we used to text alot but he stopped I no he is attracted to me he makes me no that the way he talks n looks at me n plays around sometimes I can't stop the way I feel n I no its so roung !!!! But what do I do n how do I now he really likes me I made it clear to him how I felt but in a way of joking so now what ???? this is so hard I love god n love the church n don't want to hurt no one but it is all I can think about help

There's only one thing I need to hear to be able to give you my answer:

He's married.

Married means off limits. Period. End of story. I don't care how hot or interested or amazing he is, for you that should mean that he's not even possibly available. You don't want to be the other woman. You really, really don't.

It takes a scummy man to cheat, but it takes an equally scummy woman to help him cheat. Both are at fault, and you don't want to even come close to putting yourself in that situation. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure that most religions frown upon adultery.

Stay clear for both of your good. Stop texting and for goodness' sake, stop daydreaming.

Q: My cat appears to have cataracts but there are more issues than that (in my opinion). Could you tell me if he is in pain? We cannot afford a cataract surgery, thus we have two options. Either putting him down (which will ONLY occur if my father and I feel he is in pain) or to let him keep on keepin' on. Here is a picture to help you see what is going on: http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m141/gvastola/IMG_0117.jpg
Thank you so much in advance for all your help, I really appreciate it.

How do you tell if an animal is in pain? Is your cat listless, not eating, not drinking, acting weird? If so, they might be in pain. Pain isn't necessarily the issue here though, it's quality of life. You want to make sure that your cat isn't just living, he's living well.

Animals can live very happy, healthy lives with limited or no vision. One of my friends had a dog who had eye problems and he lived a good 10 years with them, only being able to see the difference between dark and light.

My suggestion is to talk to your vet on your cat's next visit and to take their suggestion. Vets have seen it all and have a great understanding of the impact of disabilities on an animal's quality of life.

Q: Hello! I am a sophomore transfer student and I am so lost. I have not made ANY friends. I am a violin major and so a TON of my time goes to that. I joined a sorority and I absolutely love it. On the other hand, I have not made ANY friends. The girls in my sorority are really nice to me to my face, but when I am in meeting I end up just standing there awkwardly while the girls bunch up into groups. I am shy and have dealt with some SERIOUS family issues and still do. I don't necessarily have family to go to. I do have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for quite some time, but he is at a different college. I feel like I am not good enough. I try to display myself as best I can and I don't THINK I am ugly. I am not sure what to do. I am invisible. When I do pair up with people, they just talk amongst themselves. I want to have friends and I want to be able to be silly and to be there for someone. I am sick and tired of being lonely. My mom doesn't even want to have anything to do with me. I feel useless and tired of sitting in my dorm room watching Gossip Girl, studying, or practicing. I want to get involved in my sorority and in my violin life. I want to be known and I want to be loved by my sisters in my sorority. GENUINELY. Unlike my family, I want to make a positive impact on someone's life. I am on the verge of giving up.

The thing with groups like sororities is that the people don't necessarily have much in common with you. You're just a bunch of girls who live together, so it's not guaranteed that you'll all be besties.

You need to find people you can spend time with. Try joining a club, or strike up a conversation with someone in class. Start or join a study group or a practice group. The great thing about making friends is that it's a snowball effect. Make one and you meet their friends, and so on and so forth. Don't be afraid to try new things.

As for your sorority sisters, a great way to get in with people is to be helpful. Is there an event coming up that you can assist with? Is one of them struggling in a class that you're acing or have already taken? Get involved with the group in any way you can.

It takes effort, especially if you're not naturally outgoing. Sometimes it requires a lot of pushing to force yourself to get out there, but it's always worth it.

Q: I'm the idiot that got married young and fast. We got married in July of this year after being together for 5 months. When we got married, everything changed. It was what seemed like the perfect relationship. Everyone was in awe of what we had, and I couldn't believe I snagged such an amazing guy. After being with a couple of a**holes he seriously was a breath of fresh air. I fell completely head over heels. We were such a good couple, with next to no problems. Yet. I know nothing stays "perfect" forever, but we hardly had any issues and if we did it was little things that were easily solved. Then he met a guy who soon became his best friend. This best friend if his says he's my best friend too. Which is total bull, I'm not an idiot. He got involved in every disagreement we had and made it worse. Soon he got married too, and I was automatically pressured into being her friend. I never liked her from the start, but I did what I thought I had to in order to make my husband happy. I was okay with her, until she started getting involved too. They soon teamed up on me and would twist everything I said and did around to fit whatever it is they wanted to hear or see. One of my breaking points was when I was vulnerable and trusted her with venting about my husband. Just little things like "Man, he kinda pissed me off today" or "He's been on my nerves for the past few days" and then explain why I felt that way. This was through text message. She showed my husband my text messages to her. I told him I felt betrayed. And that I always felt left out, and that they always just talked behind my back for no reason slowly turning him against me. It resulted in me crying and pleading for him to understand that any time he and I have a huge argument they're somehow involved. He said I needed help because of how emotional I was and gave me an ultimatum on seeking the help or he wouldn't speak to me or see me until it happened. So, of course, I went the very next day to see a psychologist. The man told me he didn't know why I even came and that he didn't think I needed mental help. Maybe someone to just be there for me and listen to me, but not for mental problems. I went a head and forgave her. Again, for the sake of peace. I was sick of not seeing MY friends so I decided to see my best friend. Who, unfortunately, lives an hour away. So, I drove there not thinking anything of it since my husband had said before it was fine to see my friends. We had an awesome best friend day, we went to the beach, she bought lunch and I bought dinner, and we called it a night. On my way back my husband called and I told him what I did that day, excited about it because of how much fun I had. He instantly got upset and not even a minute after we hung up I got text alerts on my phone saying that all the passwords and PIN numbers had changed on our bank account. I called him back and explained how I thought it was a little controlling that the one time I go do something for myself he flips out and cuts me off from OUR income. He said I was irresponsible and that he was not controlling me by doing that. We started arguing more, and of course he'd go tell "our friends" about it. Inevitably causing him to drift away from me without him realizing it. About a month later I had a good two hour talk on the phone with my husbands best friends wife, and I actually felt good about it. She vented to me about things and so did I. I felt kinda close to her for once. Until she did it AGAIN. She not only told my husband every little thing I said, but twisted it around to sound worse. It caused probably the hugest fight we've ever had. I immediately cut her out of my life. Never once have I interacted with her since this incident which makes it awkward because my husband still does. She kept sending paragraphs to my phone and I just ignored them. I told my husband how high school I thought it all was and that I didn't want any part of it. It continued. And I kept getting pressure from her husband to make up with her and I refused. I stood on my own two feet and said no she's a fake person and that I didn't want someone like that in my life. It's toxic and stressful. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I told my husband "I'm not saying you absolutely can't be friends with her, but I am saying she makes me uncomfortable. I can't stand knowing you still talk to her after everything she's done. She has ruined so much about our relationship, yet you continue to speak to her. I honestly prefer you don't be friends with her because you're my husband and our lives are one now. If I don't want her in my life, but she's in yours that means she's still in my life. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to do the ultimatum thing. I won't deal with it, it's too unnecessarily stressful." Which set off a frenzy of hate. They have told him I'm abusive and controlling and that he should leave me because I'm dictating who he can have as friends. THEY CAME INTO THE PICTURE AFTER WE WERE TOGETHER. How is this even going on? How are they more important than me? I don't understand. He plays the victim all the time now. He says I changed when we got married, which I told him I felt the same way. They have changed him so much. And he doesn't realize it. I try so hard to be happy for him and do sweet things for him and put this behind us. But since he has people in his ear telling him he's the victim he has become a complete douche bag. Always snapping at me with an attitude for no reason, ignoring me, becoming explosive, etc. it was driving me crazy. So crazy that I did something I've never done before, and I regret it it will never happen again I felt so bad. I checked his phone :/ not because I think he's cheating, he's not that kind of guy. I had this overwhelming feeling that he was saying one thing to my face and another to everyone else. I was right. I literally almost threw up, she was telling him how horrible I was and that he doesn't have true happiness with me and he should leave me. He said in the texts that he was still going to talk to her behind my back and that he'd keep her updated on everything. He found out, and oh dear god. That gave them all the ammo they needed. I've never been so stressed in my life, I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach because I know something stressful will happen. It always does. And I'm pregnant. Why put me through the stress? He says he abuses his prescription meds because of how I stress him out, and how he wishes he could break his jaw so he didn't have to hear me speak. That really hurt. He says he thinks about killing himself everyday and that I'm abusive and controlling. All I do is try and be sweet and move on from this, but since he has people turning him against me it makes it hard. Who's the abuser here? I feel like I walk on eggshells, yet he says he feels the same way. I feel so lost and alone. Like everyone hates me. I never tell anyone anything, I'm very private. I don't even see my friends anymore, and I'm embarrassed to open up to my family about it. I just spend all my time with him and his moodyness trying to make him happy. Am I wrong for wanting his support? And most of all, should I resort to the ultimatum thing if this persists? All I think about is how hurtful it is that people who came along after we were together are more important than me. I can't do this forever. I just want opinions on what I should do in this situation. Should I stick to my guns, or give in like I have before?

It's easy to fall head-over-heels for someone in the early stages of a relationship. Don't be dismayed that things appear to be falling apart so soon. You got married before you had a chance to sort through any sort of large issue, so of course this comes as a shock. If your marriage continues, you're in for a lot more of this. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage, well, work.

You're right to stop being buddy-buddy with this girl. She's not a good friend to you and you don't need someone toxic like that in your inner circle. Unfortunately, you can't dictate who your husband hangs out with. I'm not too keen on some of my husband's friends and their girlfriends, but I have to suck it up and be polite and friendly... I just don't have to be their best friends!

What does concern me is your husband's reaction to your spending. He has no right to control the purse-strings, and it's worrying that he has that kind of control... and exerts it. If possible, you should set up your own bank account and keep separate finances until you're comfortable enough with him to share your bank accounts. Go to your bank and withdraw half of the assets into your own private account and don't give him the information (you can do this if your name is on the account!). Whatever happens, you don't want to be caught with nothing. You can explain to your husband that if he has a problem with your spending he can discuss it with you instead of just trying to control you, and that until you can trust him with that you're going to maintain your own finances.

However, you are both guilty of playing control games. Ultimatums should only be used in the most dire of situations: in cases of addiction, health emergencies or abuse. They're not to be used for every little conflict or they become a petty fight for power.

Yes, this chick is a jerk. She's making things hard for you but only because you allow it. If you stop talking to her about anything beyond the weather, she has no way of twisting your words and parroting them back to your husband. By demanding that your husband not talk to her any more you ARE trying to control him: a much more productive way of dealing with the situation would be to apologize to him for freaking out, talk to him about what she's doing and ask him to take anything she says with a grain of salt, given her past. Thing is, she's been his only source of information. You've got to step up and talk to him directly when he's giving you grief. Let him know what the problem is and he can deal with it himself rather than hearing worse from others.

Your husband is an adult. He can choose his own friends and he can choose to take what they say into consideration or he can choose not to. Let him make those choices and you might be surprised which direction he takes.

Spying on him was the wrong thing to do, and you should apologize for that as well. A good marriage is based on trust. You have to trust that the other person is going to do you right. And really, it doesn't sound like he was saying anything bad, he was just being given advice (probably well-meaning) by a friend of his. He's asserting his right to make his own choices, but he's forced to go underground, and now you're blaming him for that. Step up and say you're sorry for treating him like a criminal and promise never to check his phone again. Seriously. I can tell you that I've never checked my husband's phone or e-mail even though I know both passwords. Why? Because I have to trust him to do right even when the little suspicious voices in my head start acting up.

As for things changing once you got married, of course they did! You two entered a contract to bind you for life, in theory. Everything changes once you do that. All of a sudden clipping your toenails on the couch becomes a huge deal because it's not just once, it's every week for a lifetime. What you both have is a failure to communicate. You didn't learn how to before getting married, so you've got to learn that skill now. I strongly suggest a marriage counselor for the two of you so you can work out your combined issues. Keep in mind that with a baby on the way your lives are intertwined forever now. Divorce doesn't change the fact that you'll have to be in contact for the rest of your lives for your child's sake. So try to work things out.

This doesn't really sound like a solid case of abuse to me. It sounds like two young adults both in a lot of pain trying to communicate with one another and not knowing how. Trust me, you'll keep encountering issues like this and even more serious ones over the course of your marriage, and good communication is the foundation for success when you come up against these obstacles. Be glad that it's a dispute over a friend that's your first big challenge, and not infidelity or something similarly serious.

I know most will be quick to label this as an abusive relationship, but I've experienced stuff like this before having committed at a relatively young age. In one relatively minor argument my (now) husband spat in my face. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. I really had to question whether it was an indicator of abusive behaviour or not. In the end, it was just one more step in the process of us learning how to work with one another when problems arise. These nasty arguments won't last forever if you face them head-on now. Don't establish a pattern of control games and shouting matches. Do your best now to learn how to curb the urge to throw stuff at each other and to learn how to argue productively.

Q: I read one of the comments on a matter like this, Im also 21, the mother of the child is also 21, I did not mind her going ahead with an abortion, if it was 1 month back, but having a month were all she has been saying is that she is not sure, im growing attached to the little one, and i know being a parent will be a challenge, and i know it will change her body, and i know there are risks, but a father should have more rights, i hate the idea that she owns him/her, look my baby, my future is in her womb growing, and i really hate this arregant woman attitude, i understand if it was an abortion straight away i was happy with what she wanted to do, cause that would make her happy, i put my feelings aside, but now its gone past the point, now im thinking of the baby, and its safety, i know now this will destroy me, she should of done it sooner, she goes from saying she may have the baby, then not wanting to talk for a few weeks, we even spoke breifly about names, then she turned all 'i don't care about anything' attitude, im running about, doing everything, given that i did disapear for a couple of days, just to see some family, let my head balance out, and thats when i come back and she says shes going to the doctors tomorrow, and she doesnt want me with her, i said im going, i cant let her do this alone, if she does do it, obviously i will have to put up with it, i did once say i'll never bring a child into this selfish world, but now its going to be hard to let this one go. so the question how can i deal with this, give me a new outlook on life please, this is making me feel like a bullet in the brain is the best option. at this point it seems like murder.

The mother has the right to do with her body as she chooses. It's her health at risk during pregnancy. This is unfortunate for a father who wishes to be present in a child's life, but when you take away that right you endanger womens' most fundamental rights.

Keep in mind that this is a difficult decision for her to make too. She's not changing her mind to jerk you around, she's changing her mind because she's facing one of the biggest decisions she'll ever make. She's having every bit as much trouble with the situation as you are, if not more.

You can't force her to let you come with her. That might be what's best for you, but she's looking out for herself right now. Everyone deals with grief differently, and she might want to be alone during this time.

There's no magical way to stop this from hurting you. You might always feel pain when looking back on this. You'll have to learn how to deal with your own grief. A counselor may be valuable in this undertaking. This is an unfortunate situation where the most you can do is to learn for the future.

Q: what can i do in order for my mom not to take me to a doctor nd find out if i am a virgin or not?

It all depends on where you live. Most first-world countries have laws about patient confidentiality. You can always request that she not be in there with you, and they're not allowed to give any information you don't want them to.

Even if you were to be examined, there's no sure-fire way to tell if someone is a virgin or not. Just because the hymen is broken doesn't mean that the woman is not a virgin: it can be broken riding bicycles, using tampons or any other number of ways.

If you live in a place where womens' rights are challenged, try contacting a womens' organization in your area. They may be able to offer you resources for your protection if there's going to be serious fallout from a "negative" virginity test.

Q: hi im 16/f
i recently dropped out of high school (year 11) cause i moved houses suddenly (dads to mums) after some bad stuff happened.
i currently go to tafe full time. and because im in a new area i dont have any friends, so its really lonley.
its almost the start of a new school year and im thinking about starting up and repeating year eleven. yes i know starting at a new school is hard but ive done it before and i like it. thing is part of me doesnt think i should. like yes it would be great to know kids my own age, and not be sitting at home all day. and do my hsc so i have more options as to what i can do.
but im worried what happens if i hate it, or if at the end of it i dont want to go to uni..

should i go back to school, or finish tafe and go into full time work and save up so i can move out?

What you want to do is to keep as many doors open as possible.

Without a high school diploma it can be very difficult to find work. When you do find work, you're stuck with minimum wage labour for the rest of your life for the most part. Now, I'm not saying that that is the worst path for everyone, but it might close doors that you don't want to close.

There are tons of opportunities for people who graduate high school. You can go work straight out of school, or go to college or university or do an apprenticeship. You might not want to go to university at the end of high school, but you may find that what really interests you is becoming a tradesperson or something else that requires further education. By doing your high school diploma you're not only giving yourself time to figure that out but you're leaving your future open to those possibilities.

I know it sucks to have no friends in school. I'm a 25 year old female in a class of 17-19 year old guys, and it's really crappy having to go in with the prospect of awkward silence. It's just a matter of finding your inspiration elsewhere. Try to do the best you possibly can in school and celebrate your successes. And who knows, you might find some great friends along the way. As for hating high school, that's kind of a given. The good news is that as you go further in high school you get to choose more of your courses and customize your education to fit your interests. Do what you love :)

Q: hey my phyciatrist gave me some meds for depression anxiety ocd im 13 and start them tommorow what does that feel like
i self harm will it help with that

You probably won't feel very much at first. I know that when I start a new medication there are sometimes some side effects like headache, nausea, or other things like that.

The main thing is to give it time. Don't expect a big change right away. Over time you'll notice that things get a little easier.

If you experience really bad side effects (I had one medication that made me throw up every day) or if you wait a month and aren't feeling any better, talk to your doctor about switching. If things get worse, tell your doctor right away. I know it seems counterintuitive, but no matter what don't stop taking the meds on your own. If you stop cold turkey you can experience some terrible withdrawal symptoms.

Q: Hi,
I'm still going though the last week of my life. I'm not going to stop and think twice about it. Today is Monday and I have a few days to go

My life has no purpose and meaning. I never had any serious relationship and I have no idea what love is.
I've turned to church but I don't think anybody understand what I'm going through.

I wake up every day going through life like a wombie. I can't talk to anyone because I can't really explain it or when I tried very hard to put words on my pain, people think that I have no real reason to feel this way.

I have people telling me that what I'm feeling is not normal in a sense that I should be ashamed of feeling the way I do.

And to be honest with you I sometimes do. I feel ashamed of not being happy of not trying hard enough to make myself happy. I told them I'm lonely, they said go out and find yourself a guy like it was easy to do or like I didn't want to do. It's not easy for some people to open up about their feelings.

I feel like I don't belong to the world, like there is no place for me anywhere. I promise you if anything bad will happened, it will happened to me. I always say or do the wrong thing that get everyone hate me. People think I'm weird and I must be an idiot. I graduated from high school when I was 15. I have a bachelor degree which I got when I was 21 (because I moved to the US and I had to learn the language).People think I'm stupid because of my accent.

I'm not from here and I feel like I don't belong, back home I didn't feel like I belonged either.

It doesn't make sense to myself, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I'm not ok. I don't know how to put words on my pain.

But I'm done trying to fit in into this world which may not wants me anyway.

I didn't respond earlier because I felt like you really needed time to think things through on your own.

Being depressed isn't something to be ashamed of. Neither is being lonely. Both are a part of the human condition. Fortunately so are love, happiness and laughter.

If you're still around to read this, I urge you to find professional help. Sometimes family and friends will give well-meaning but hurtful or useless advice, but a professional will listen to you and try to help you work your way through things. A counselor, psychiatrist or even a religious leader can be a great resource when you're trying to come to terms with life and its difficulties.

I really, truly hope that you are still alive and well. Life is a struggle, but it is worthwhile when things start turning around.

Q: My Fiance and I are thinking about getting Married this winter. We don't have much money but we are going to try to save up the most we can. We want to have a private ceremony. Him, I a priest and I would like a photographer there. To vow our love to each other so we can really embrace, feel our love. Then in a couple years we would like to have a bigger ceremony, renew our vows and have our family, friends there. My question is what can we do to make our private ceremony special. I want the priest to say words very true and beautiful. I would like the entire ceremony to be very nice and special. Ideas please?

Talk to your priest and see if you can customize your ceremony. My husband and I chose everything, from readings that reflected our personalities to a non-denominational prayer (I'm an atheist) and we wrote our own vows, too. Everything was very personal, and we had a great time.

It's entirely up to you, of course, but having family and friends there was extremely important. The best part of getting married was making that commitment to each other and to our families in front of the people who matter most to us. Just because you don't have money doesn't mean that you can't have others there! We did ours for $3500 from facility rental to dress to officiant. Of course, we all have different family situations, so do what suits you two the best!

Q: OK so my boyfriend & I were messing around 2 days ago and he was fingering me and happened to fit almost his whole fist in there and after I had an orgasm there was some blood on his hands.. But IDK if that would be my cherry because we've had sex already and I've bled a little bit after each time.. and now, for the first time, after fingering me, my discharge is like..light brownish? it doesnt have an odor it just smells like strong pee kinda.. So idt it's an infection? I'm due for my period tomorrow.. and I had a little bit of this same discharge yesterday too.. Any idea on what is going on??

Brownish discharge is just bloody discharge. Chances are, when he got his hand in there (ouch!) he caused some tearing. Large objects will do that to your lady parts!

Sometimes you can get brownish discharge right before your period as well, if you tend to have spotting.

Either way, nothing to be too concerned about right now, but if you are still bleeding after your period ends you should definitely see a doctor. Also, take it easy for the next week or so. Give your bits some time to rest up and heal.

Q: This coming week is my last week on earth. I have decided that next week by this same time, I would be dead. I'm not asking for an answer or any kind of empathy for my person. Life sucks and it not going to suck any less next year or tomorrow.
Something hard changes your life, you tried to make your life go back to the way it was, but you do not succeed. Then you've lived so LNG in the situation that ou got used to it, then surprise, something even worse happens. Again you tried to get used to it and again and again and again you get hit every time you get up. (if that makes any sense to anyone, then you surely understand me).

I have tried to make it more like I would like it, I have tried very hard but I'm still miserable everyday even more. I guess this is my final note because I assume no one will read this until it's done and I'm gone.
My life is like a sand at the beach, no matter how different it is, it's still a piece of sand and one less would definitely not even be remembered for a long time and it won't even do any thing to anyone. Us humans don't care about something unless it actually affect us personally or someone in our entourage.

If this is true, then The sun will continue to shine and everything else will be the same for all of you who don't know me.

Whoever read this, please tell my parents that I'm so so so sorry and they were good to me.
To the rest of the family I love you. I love you all but I can't take it anymore I'm sorry I just can't. Please forgive me and try to make your lives matter and I hope that you guys live for a long time.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I've been there. Trust me, I have.

I know what it's like to get used to hardship only to have something worse happen and send you plummeting again. I know what it's like to have this happen over and over and over until you can't take it any more.

I also know what it's like to give up on life. I know what it's like to take all the pills you can before someone stops you and what it's like to end up in the hospital having your stomach pumped. I know what it's like to have your family hate you for putting them through something like this.

I'm telling you what I know so that you'll take me seriously when I say that there is light on the other side. If I had been successful on any of my several suicide attempts, I would never have been married. I wouldn't be going to school right now. I wouldn't be sitting here and hoping that I can keep you from making the same mistake I did.

You can't get your old life back, no matter what people tell you. I've missed out on years of living as a young adult because I spent most of it as a total headcase. I'm stuck in a program at school that is a lower level than what I am capable of, because I screwed up my academic career when I went off the rails mentally. I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm not the bubbly, outgoing person I used to be. But you know what? It's not all that bad. Sure, I don't have my old life, but I don't take my new life for granted. I'm diving into school with an energy I never had before, because I'm realizing that I might have missed out on graduating from college. I'm not perky and outspoken now, but I am stronger, more mature and a hell of a lot more compassionate than I was before everything went downhill.

We are the sum of our experiences, or at least the sum of what we take from each one. A person who has dealt with hardship and made it through is going to be a stronger, deeper and better person for it. You won't get your old life back, but if you make it past this roadblock you'll be adding to your new life and your new self.

I get that feeling that individual lives are insignificant, but I can tell you that I learned the opposite on the various occasions when I either wanted to or tried to kill myself. The first time I dealt with the impulse as an adult, I learned that strangers on the internet are capable of an incredible degree of caring and compassion. My first attempt, I learned that my real friends are the ones who will stick by me through anything, rather than running the moment an awkward topic comes up. My second attempt, I learned that there is no way I could possibly hurt more than my family hurt when I had to call them from the hospital and tell them what had happened. And the last time I had to deal with a really strong suicidal urge, I learned that I need to fight for myself.

No life is insignificant. You can't possibly fathom the reach of your connections until you see them all laid out in front of you. For example, your family is good to you, so they must care about you. They might not see or understand how much you hurt right now, but they do care. And throughout writing this response to your post, I have actually been in tears, not because of rehashing my painful past, but because it kills me that someone else feels the way I felt. I've never met you, and wouldn't know you if I brushed past you in the street, but if I were to find out that nobody was able to save you, I would be devastated.

Your life matters, and it will continue to matter. Just keep pushing and fighting, even when you have no fight left in you. It's not like there's a magical break, and everything is sunshine and puppy dogs. I'm not going to feed you that line of crap. Life does suck, and often, but life can be amazing too. I'm not going to pretend like I don't still struggle, but I am grateful for every day I have, and I know you will be too.

Please, talk to someone. Even if it's just through this website or a suicide hotline, or if it's a friend, relative or medical professional. Tell someone what you're going through, and get the support you need to make it. You are worth the fight.

Q: Hello,

I just saw your post. I hope you are still with us. I often feel the same way you do. I'm 25 now but when I was 16, I seriously considered checking out. I'm glad I didn't.I If I had I would have missed out on the experiences that have come since then. Not all of them great but experiences nonetheless.

I can't say I'm happy but really, who is? Truly? What does being happy even mean?
We all ask ourselves that. Know that you are not the only person out there not experiencing the world as "real" as it may seem to us that others feel it. But you can't give up. There's many more places to see. I often find being in nature helps, observing life calmly.

I'm glad you shared your story, because there are so many visitors to this site who need to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Life will never be perfect, and for some of us sorrow or hardship may follow us wherever we go. It's important to remember that when you choose suicide you give up all future experiences, not just the bad ones. You're robbing yourself of every sunny day, every smile and every laugh.

I don't know who you are responding to, but thank you. Even if that person doesn't read this, many others will, and if only one of those people changes their mind about self-harm because of it then you have done a world of good. If you haven't already, maybe you should start answering on this site! We can always use Advicenators who care like you do :)

Q: My daughter is in middle school and she really wants to become a fashion designer. She loves matching stuff together and things like that. I try things to help her develop what she likes to do. So far all I've tried putting her in a sewing class for the summer but it was so expensive I could only pay for 3 classes. I would love for her to countinue following her dream. But i know nothing about this catagorie. I want something cheap and not so expensive. Or maybe a little program or game on the computer to help her learn how to sketch or how to do whatever other things she needs to learn about fashion desighing. So if you could please help me with this problem that would be fantastic. Thanks!

If your daughter has a sewing machine already, I would strongly suggest the website Craftsy. It's how I taught myself how to sew.

You pay per class, and it's made up of online videos and forums. You watch the videos, ask the instructors any questions you may have and follow along at your own pace. Some of the classes cost as much as $80, but if you catch them near a holiday you can get them for as much as 50% off. They cover everything from the very basics to couture sewing, all different types of fabrics. You just choose the ones you want to take.

As for the fashion design aspect, I'm not sure on that. I'm no fashion design student, but I find that my sewing inspiration comes from browsing stores online and saying "I could make that, and for half the price!"

Q: Like say I'm driving on the highway and I start to put my car on the gravel on the side of the road and then I just over correct to where my car flips. Would I live from that??

You can live through a severe car wreck, and you can die from a fender bender. It all depends on the injuries you get.

Since you posted this under mental health, I'm assuming that you're thinking about suicide. If that's the case, don't go through with this.

For entirely pragmatic reasons, you shouldn't even give this a shot because you could end up living, but with horrible injuries. Months or even years of rehab and pain. You could end up braindead, living forever with limited mental function.

You could hurt someone else. Someone who rounds the bend unexpectedly, someone who tries to get you out of your car and is injured in an explosion. Not to mention family and friends who would be hurting forever because of the hole you're no longer there to fill.

There's always a way out, but suicide isn't the one to take. Call a hotline near you, or go to the nearest ER if you feel like you're in immediate danger. There's always help, it just might take a little time to work. Give yourself a chance.

Q: So I'm a Pharmacy Technician student currently in a 9 month program at a community college. My school offers a 2 year degree program and for a while I've been contemplating if I should do it or just get the certification.

Reasons for it: I wanna be more qualified. I wanna have a better chance at getting jobs in the future. Not just tech jobs, but like management tech jobs...stuff like that.

Reasons against it: As much as I like school, I wanna work. School is expensive. And frankly, I don't wanna continue more schooling when I don't have to. Oh and the program I'm in is nationally accredited, if that helps for some reason.

I don't want any preaching about college, please. I just want honest opinions concerning money, time, and if you think extra schooling is worth the time, effort, and of course, cost.

Thanks :)

Unfortunately, the short answer is "It depends."

My husband has recently gone through the same dilemma. He got a 3 year diploma in engineering technology, with the potential to spend some time in university to upgrade to a degree. My husband considered completing his degree immediately after leaving college. The expense would have been a serious setback. He has now been with his current company for a year, and feels that he's got great opportunities at the education level he's at, so he's decided to put off any further schooling until he feels he needs it.

Finish the program you're in. Try to find work. If you're having trouble finding work in your field, it may be a good idea to go back to school.

Let's say you find a job. After working for a while you may find that you're not where you want to be, and that education may help boost you up. Or you may find that you're going to have an excellent opportunity to continue working at your current education level, so you can pass on school. You're never too old to go back!

Q: i am 32. I loved a girl and considered her the Goddess of my life, never looked at any other girl but later we(she and myself) discovered that i have erectile dysfuncion. She says i knew it and i did not tell her. She says i cheated her. So she left me. I am devastated. Want to end my life because
1. I don't know whether my ED is curable or not
2. Even if it is, my life is worthless because she doesn't love me anymore she hates me and loves somebody else. So without her, i cannot even think of life

I have no hopes left other than killing myself

Before you go making any decisions, go see a doctor. Even if ED can't be cured, the symptoms can be alleviated by use of medication, diet and exercise.

As for this girl, you are honestly better off without her. If you are looking to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should both be willing to stay through hard times. Being recently diagnosed with a medical condition is a perfect example of something that should draw you two together, not tear you apart. She obviously wasn't ready for a serious relationship if something that is possibly even manageable forced her away.

Save yourself for a woman who will love you and stay by your side through thick and thin. Don't think that because this girl ran, all of them will.

Q: hi dear!!am 20 years old female(India). one boy loves me sincerely.even i do..he is so much possessive.. he will not let me to talk with any other boys because of his possessiveness..but sometimes i hate him because of this attitude because i will not be able to talk to any other boys even though i think they are my good friend.... he always cares for my proper dressings..always he warns me to dress up neatly..i assure you i always dress up neatly..sometimes without my knowledge my shawl can move aside.. but he never forgive me for that.. always he scolds me in public that i wanted to adjust my shawl..even he has bet me once in our bus-stop before all because of this shawl matter.. i was so much hurt when i asked for the reason crying he said i bet you because your shawl was not proper and so happy that i have full rites to beat you since you are my wife like that he said...also if i put mobile in silent mode then if he is not able to contact me he will get more tension and scolds me like a hell... all these silly matters hurts me a lot.. but still he loves me he cares for me like heaven..he is in true love with me... whenever he scolds me i feel like hating him and i feel like i lost my life totally..Even though i think to leave him my heart is not allowing me..am suffering to see him lonely..because he has no friends in college...what should i do???is this kind of love important??always it ends up with a fight whenever i think to be happy with him... i cant lead a good life..he is the person who can do anything for me.he is my family friend too..am the girl always wanted to be happy..always i should feel free..i hate anyone who comple me to do something..but in this love am happening to sacrifice many things..if i change my character and sacrifice all the things for my guy,wil i be able to be happy?? if i decide to leave him,there will be no one for me who cares for me but at the same time i wanted to be happy..what should i do??please help and advice me....

You won't be happy if you change yourself for someone, especially if that person is abusive.

This guy may tell you he loves you, and he may be very sweet most of the time, but he is abusive and controlling. He has no right to lay a hand on you for any reason, and he has no right to scold you and make you feel like nothing. If he's being abusive now, things will only get worse if you end up getting married. He has made it clear that he believes that this is a healthy relationship dynamic and it's not.

You deserve better than this, and you can find it. There are many, many men out there in the world who will treat you well and love you. If you're having trouble leaving, there are resources in place.

Studies have shown that up to 70% of women in India are victims of domestic violence. This puts you at risk for serious injury, emotional damage and possibly death. If you were to marry this man and have children with him, your children could be subject to the same. If you are having trouble leaving, contact a domestic violence helpline near you.

Q: well like i said my blow job game has been off. before when i used to give my boyfriend a bj he would cum in 2-3min now it seems like it is taking much longer. and i used to not have a problem with deep throat but now all the sudden i do. the past 2 times i have given my boyfriend a bj i even threw up the first time it wasnt that much but the last time it was a lot and since i was deep throating it even came out my nose(totally disgusting). he does have a bad habbit of grabbing my head and forcing me to go deeper and when i do start to gag and pull away he still doesnt let go. but what i want to know is what can i do to get back on my A game when i "practice" deep throat with something i dont really have a problem its just with him that i have the problem i dont want to give a bad blow job and right now i feel like thats what im doing even tho i know i am capable of doing WAY better

It's totally normal for things to take longer as you gain more experience with one another. In the beginning, it's a totally new thing and the guy often has trouble holding off. Later on, it's not as much of a shock to the system and he's had a chance to practice delaying his orgasm.

If it's any consolation, I've been told that the longer it is until orgasm the stronger it will be when it happens. Also, the longer wait time might be intentional on his part: more time equals more blow job for him.

As for the deep throating issue, the problem is likely you being forced. You've got to curb that now. It's quite common for guys to forget that we ladies have gag reflexes and to start forcing us into situations where we gag. He has to learn that forcing you to gag and barf will not get him any more, and will make you shy away from future oral. Make a connection between him pushing you too far and you stopping what you're doing immediately. It's a mood killer for you when you're forced to vomit out your nose, so it should be a mood killer for him.

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.