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about getting out of my depression
hi dear!!am 20 years old female(India). one boy loves me sincerely.even i do..he is so much possessive.. he will not let me to talk with any other boys because of his possessiveness..but sometimes i hate him because of this attitude because i will not be able to talk to any other boys even though i think they are my good friend.... he always cares for my proper dressings..always he warns me to dress up neatly..i assure you i always dress up neatly..sometimes without my knowledge my shawl can move aside.. but he never forgive me for that.. always he scolds me in public that i wanted to adjust my shawl..even he has bet me once in our bus-stop before all because of this shawl matter.. i was so much hurt when i asked for the reason crying he said i bet you because your shawl was not proper and so happy that i have full rites to beat you since you are my wife like that he said...also if i put mobile in silent mode then if he is not able to contact me he will get more tension and scolds me like a hell... all these silly matters hurts me a lot.. but still he loves me he cares for me like heaven..he is in true love with me... whenever he scolds me i feel like hating him and i feel like i lost my life totally..Even though i think to leave him my heart is not allowing me..am suffering to see him lonely..because he has no friends in college...what should i do???is this kind of love important??always it ends up with a fight whenever i think to be happy with him... i cant lead a good life..he is the person who can do anything for me.he is my family friend too..am the girl always wanted to be happy..always i should feel free..i hate anyone who comple me to do something..but in this love am happening to sacrifice many things..if i change my character and sacrifice all the things for my guy,wil i be able to be happy?? if i decide to leave him,there will be no one for me who cares for me but at the same time i wanted to be happy..what should i do??please help and advice me....
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Hi!
So in my opinion, you seem like a nice girl. You shouldn't be treated like this. He can't just beat you like that. If a guy beats you, he doesn't love you - you just think he does.
A nice girl like you shouldn't be hurt.
Good luck,
Bella xoxo
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he might love you be he had no right to treat you the way he does, he does no own you, you are your own person and can make your own decisions. If you really love him and don't want to break it off you should both sit down and you should tell him how you feel when he treats you like this, give him a warning (not to harsh) but let him know that he can't control you just because you are together. You should never ever change for anyone else be yourself and if he doesn't like that then he's obviously not in love with, don't change yourself because you will be unhappy.
Good luck hope you work it out
lily-rain
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look...i totally understand the way you feel..:( but if you change your character i don't really think that you would be happy..love is so much complicated i know...but if he doesn't accept you the way you are and makes you sad then i think you should let go...you're just 20.you are going to love again i assure you.my advice is:better a painful end than an endless pain...life goes on and things always change..better things will come to your life and i tell u that by personal experience.hope that u will solve this and be happy again.:)
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Honey, You're not happy now. You're sad, Just look at the opening statement "to get out of sadness." Your desperate heart is crying out to be free, to fly away and be loved and appreciated and to be beautiful. I don't know much about your traditions but I grew up in a very strict home where the man owns his wife and is very dominant so I watched my mother all my life live in depression and ultimate loneliness because she wasn't allowed to have friends. She suffer much depression and pain from this lifestyle but divorce was unacceptable in our culture so she is stayed with him. He is my father and I love him but to this day I have feelings of animosity toward him for all the things I saw him do to my mama my whole life. Trust me you don't want to bring daughters into that environment. They will grow up never understanding that they are able to think for themselves, feel for themselves, form their own opinions and that they don't have to be inferior to men. The cycle will continue until you break it.
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I agree with the columnists below me completely.
He may very well love you - or think that he does - but a person who loves another person does NOT treat a person like he's treating you. That's not okay, and the things that you've called "silly matters" are not silly. He's controlling, possessive, and abusive, and things will only get worse down the road. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if he thinks it's all right to hit you in public now because your shawl had moved, what will he do in the privacy of your home? If you have children with him, do you think he wouldn't be possessive and controlling of them, too, to the point of abuse?
At this point, he's figured out that he can treat you like he owns you, and he can hit you, and you'll stay.
This man demonstrates the "Jekyll and Hyde" phenomenon perfectly. You say he cares for you like heaven and he loves you and can do anything for you. That's the nice side of him. That's the side you love, that you want to be with.
Then he turns into Hyde, the mean guy who hits you and embarrasses you and controls you like he owns you. You're a person, not his property. You don't want to be with Hyde. You want Jekyll. The problem is, with guys like him, that he truly is BOTH of these characters. You cannot have one without the other. If he was never kind and loving, you'd have left already. If he was never mean, you wouldn't be in this situation and you'd be happy. But you're not; you're scared. You're scared of HIM. A woman, no matter what culture, should never have to be afraid of her husband. If you aren't happy with both Jekyll and Hyde, then you need to get out of this relationship.
I don't mean to be harsh, but if he has no friends in college, it's his own problem. If he can't make friends, maybe it's because he's learned it's okay to act like this. You're not doing him any favors by staying. His behavior needs some serious correcting and, unfortunately, he may only learn that by losing everyone and everything.
As to your question, the answer is no. If you change for him, you won't be happy. You may be alone for awhile, but trust me - being alone is better than being beaten for a crooked shawl.
You don't need to get out of depression. You need to get out of this relationship, and find a man who is ONE person - not two.
Please do what's right for you, in order for you to be happy. No relationship is worth this pain.
Siren
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Hello.
I must start off saying that as much as you may have heard the saying, "Love hurts" it is NOT true. Love should never hurt and if he's beating you I don't understand what kind of love that is. If he truly loved you, he would not beat you over a shawl and he would not embarrass you in public. Possessive people usually have some sort of an insecurity about themselves, I'm going to guess that you are very pretty and he fears that he will lose you to another, so he instills fear into you so that you will be too afraid to leave him. You say you don't want to see him lonely because you love him yet you want to be happy. You sound scared, not happy. You have to remember to put yourself first, do what is best for YOU first or you can do no one else any good! You have to remove yourself from this abusive, love-hate relationship because it sounds like you love him but he does not love you back. He may say that he does and he's sorry and he'll never do it again but I can assure you that he will! If he'll hit you once he'll do it again the next time he is mad. Please gather your things and divorce him because I'm sure someone MUCH better is waiting to love you properly the way you deserve to be loved. Never settle for less. I hope that you will take this advice and that it helps. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. It is not too late!
-A.B
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You won't be happy if you change yourself for someone, especially if that person is abusive.
This guy may tell you he loves you, and he may be very sweet most of the time, but he is abusive and controlling. He has no right to lay a hand on you for any reason, and he has no right to scold you and make you feel like nothing. If he's being abusive now, things will only get worse if you end up getting married. He has made it clear that he believes that this is a healthy relationship dynamic and it's not.
You deserve better than this, and you can find it. There are many, many men out there in the world who will treat you well and love you. If you're having trouble leaving, there are resources in place.
Studies have shown that up to 70% of women in India are victims of domestic violence. This puts you at risk for serious injury, emotional damage and possibly death. If you were to marry this man and have children with him, your children could be subject to the same. If you are having trouble leaving, contact a domestic violence helpline near you.
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