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Suicide this week
This coming week is my last week on earth. I have decided that next week by this same time, I would be dead. I'm not asking for an answer or any kind of empathy for my person. Life sucks and it not going to suck any less next year or tomorrow.
Something hard changes your life, you tried to make your life go back to the way it was, but you do not succeed. Then you've lived so LNG in the situation that ou got used to it, then surprise, something even worse happens. Again you tried to get used to it and again and again and again you get hit every time you get up. (if that makes any sense to anyone, then you surely understand me).
I have tried to make it more like I would like it, I have tried very hard but I'm still miserable everyday even more. I guess this is my final note because I assume no one will read this until it's done and I'm gone.
My life is like a sand at the beach, no matter how different it is, it's still a piece of sand and one less would definitely not even be remembered for a long time and it won't even do any thing to anyone. Us humans don't care about something unless it actually affect us personally or someone in our entourage.
If this is true, then The sun will continue to shine and everything else will be the same for all of you who don't know me.
Whoever read this, please tell my parents that I'm so so so sorry and they were good to me.
To the rest of the family I love you. I love you all but I can't take it anymore I'm sorry I just can't. Please forgive me and try to make your lives matter and I hope that you guys live for a long time.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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I've been there. Trust me, I have.
I know what it's like to get used to hardship only to have something worse happen and send you plummeting again. I know what it's like to have this happen over and over and over until you can't take it any more.
I also know what it's like to give up on life. I know what it's like to take all the pills you can before someone stops you and what it's like to end up in the hospital having your stomach pumped. I know what it's like to have your family hate you for putting them through something like this.
I'm telling you what I know so that you'll take me seriously when I say that there is light on the other side. If I had been successful on any of my several suicide attempts, I would never have been married. I wouldn't be going to school right now. I wouldn't be sitting here and hoping that I can keep you from making the same mistake I did.
You can't get your old life back, no matter what people tell you. I've missed out on years of living as a young adult because I spent most of it as a total headcase. I'm stuck in a program at school that is a lower level than what I am capable of, because I screwed up my academic career when I went off the rails mentally. I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm not the bubbly, outgoing person I used to be. But you know what? It's not all that bad. Sure, I don't have my old life, but I don't take my new life for granted. I'm diving into school with an energy I never had before, because I'm realizing that I might have missed out on graduating from college. I'm not perky and outspoken now, but I am stronger, more mature and a hell of a lot more compassionate than I was before everything went downhill.
We are the sum of our experiences, or at least the sum of what we take from each one. A person who has dealt with hardship and made it through is going to be a stronger, deeper and better person for it. You won't get your old life back, but if you make it past this roadblock you'll be adding to your new life and your new self.
I get that feeling that individual lives are insignificant, but I can tell you that I learned the opposite on the various occasions when I either wanted to or tried to kill myself. The first time I dealt with the impulse as an adult, I learned that strangers on the internet are capable of an incredible degree of caring and compassion. My first attempt, I learned that my real friends are the ones who will stick by me through anything, rather than running the moment an awkward topic comes up. My second attempt, I learned that there is no way I could possibly hurt more than my family hurt when I had to call them from the hospital and tell them what had happened. And the last time I had to deal with a really strong suicidal urge, I learned that I need to fight for myself.
No life is insignificant. You can't possibly fathom the reach of your connections until you see them all laid out in front of you. For example, your family is good to you, so they must care about you. They might not see or understand how much you hurt right now, but they do care. And throughout writing this response to your post, I have actually been in tears, not because of rehashing my painful past, but because it kills me that someone else feels the way I felt. I've never met you, and wouldn't know you if I brushed past you in the street, but if I were to find out that nobody was able to save you, I would be devastated.
Your life matters, and it will continue to matter. Just keep pushing and fighting, even when you have no fight left in you. It's not like there's a magical break, and everything is sunshine and puppy dogs. I'm not going to feed you that line of crap. Life does suck, and often, but life can be amazing too. I'm not going to pretend like I don't still struggle, but I am grateful for every day I have, and I know you will be too.
Please, talk to someone. Even if it's just through this website or a suicide hotline, or if it's a friend, relative or medical professional. Tell someone what you're going through, and get the support you need to make it. You are worth the fight.
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Sometimes life sucks majorly and sometimes this can last a very long time. Fair enough you say that it keeps getting worse and that your gonna take your life but all i'm asking is that before you do what you cant take back is think about what your leaving behind. Think about your parents - I highly doubt theyd b happy without you, your friends, siblings. You havent stated whats up exactly and I am taking it theres no one to help you get through this or you feel you would be burdoning them if you do - tbh all youd be doing if you take your own life is leaving a dark hole where someone used to be. I disagree with your summation that all US humans DONT care unless it affects us and I get the feeling you know thats true, cause if people didnt why would we try and help someone annonymously that was hurting such as yourself. I do hope you reconsider I was in a bad state a few years ago and spoke 2 my mum about it and she helped after blaming herself as did my grandparents. Think about it, put it off and TRY to get past this feeling please, trust me killing yourself is NOT the answer!! PM me if you need to talk, its annonymous so it should be easier!!
Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Your right, life can suck but running away from it will not make thing change. Suicide is a final solution to a solvable situation. More over suicide hurts or the attempt to kill oneself hurts and more often then not ends in failure. I know for I have spent the last twenty-five plus years as part of a fire department rescue squad.
Most suicide victims who do not succeed. They end up in a worse position than before their attempt. Not only that but if you are one of the few who are successful think of your parents and family. You say you love them and they have been good to you. How can you hurt them in this manner. They will be hurt so bad by this I cannot explain how much as the words do not exist to do so.
Other than saying "life sucks" you have not said why you want to die. There is nothing so bad that can't be fixed with the right kind of help. If you are being bullied at school, that can be fixed you just have to tell someone. If school work is a problem speak up help can be gotten for you. If there are social or sexual problems or concerns you have; they too can be helped. You just need to ask the right people for help.
I would like you to give life one more chance. TO speak with people better capable then me who have the ability to actually speak to you one on one and help you find the professionals in your neighborhood or home town who can help you.
I would like yo to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
I do understand how you feel. I also believe you have tried to change things. What I don't know is if you have had the proper support in trying to change things. How you are feeling requires help, professional help from a psychologist to make things better. A psychologist is someone you can talk with in total confidentiality who will help you make sense of whatever is bothering you and help you put things in prospective so that life can change for the better.
Three people have read your note. Two of us have answered. So there are people who care, people who do not even know you. You owe it to us to try again one more time by calling the hotline I supplied or going to the nearest hospital ER for help.
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What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind
This is a lovely piece of poetry that I would like to share with you.
It holds the simplest and purest of words that I can only give to you.
STAY STRONG!
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