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Suicide this week
Hi,
I'm still going though the last week of my life. I'm not going to stop and think twice about it. Today is Monday and I have a few days to go
My life has no purpose and meaning. I never had any serious relationship and I have no idea what love is.
I've turned to church but I don't think anybody understand what I'm going through.
I wake up every day going through life like a wombie. I can't talk to anyone because I can't really explain it or when I tried very hard to put words on my pain, people think that I have no real reason to feel this way.
I have people telling me that what I'm feeling is not normal in a sense that I should be ashamed of feeling the way I do.
And to be honest with you I sometimes do. I feel ashamed of not being happy of not trying hard enough to make myself happy. I told them I'm lonely, they said go out and find yourself a guy like it was easy to do or like I didn't want to do. It's not easy for some people to open up about their feelings.
I feel like I don't belong to the world, like there is no place for me anywhere. I promise you if anything bad will happened, it will happened to me. I always say or do the wrong thing that get everyone hate me. People think I'm weird and I must be an idiot. I graduated from high school when I was 15. I have a bachelor degree which I got when I was 21 (because I moved to the US and I had to learn the language).People think I'm stupid because of my accent.
I'm not from here and I feel like I don't belong, back home I didn't feel like I belonged either.
It doesn't make sense to myself, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I'm not ok. I don't know how to put words on my pain.
But I'm done trying to fit in into this world which may not wants me anyway.
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I didn't respond earlier because I felt like you really needed time to think things through on your own.
Being depressed isn't something to be ashamed of. Neither is being lonely. Both are a part of the human condition. Fortunately so are love, happiness and laughter.
If you're still around to read this, I urge you to find professional help. Sometimes family and friends will give well-meaning but hurtful or useless advice, but a professional will listen to you and try to help you work your way through things. A counselor, psychiatrist or even a religious leader can be a great resource when you're trying to come to terms with life and its difficulties.
I really, truly hope that you are still alive and well. Life is a struggle, but it is worthwhile when things start turning around.
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Don't make a permanent decision for a temporary problem.
And I know what you're probably thinking, "it's not a temporary problem, it's been like this for a long time." well, it is temporary. I can't tell you when its going to get better because that is up to you.. It all depends on you. Why take your life away when you have so much to live for ? and I know, you're probably now thinking, "she doesn't get it, I have nothing to live for." well, you're wrong. You have the life you were given to live for. You have the beating heart inside of your chest to live for. You have your family to live for. The future to live for. Everything. You have everything if you're still alive because without life, you have nothing. You deserve everything and you deserve to live your life. Screw what other people think of you.. They don't know you, but if you kill yourself, noone will have the chance to actually get to know you. I also think you should give some people more benefit of the doubt. Don't just expect people to think you're weird, let them prove you wrong, because I promise, somewhere down the road, someone will. I PROMISE. Believe me. And I'm not saying this stuff to you just because, I'm saying it to you because even though I don't know you, you didn't have to write this on here. You didn't have to submit anything on this site, but that just proves that you are meant to LIVE because even though you don't see it, you still have some fight left in you, so be a fighter. Dont just give up. Get strong. Let all of this crap make you stronger and be an example to other people who are feeling the way you do now that they can overcome these obstacles and that suicide is not the right option. You can do this. You are meant to live here on this earth. Don't leave because people suck, be one less person who doesn't suck. Stay.
Also, keep in mind that you can always get a therapist r call the national suicide prevention hotline. You're never alone.
xxo.
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You didn't even try to change your life harder and you let people affect you , shouldn't you be more concrete ? Look , i've no idea on how to say this but if suicide is your choice , i've nothing to say . You know , in life there is no instant key to happiness or success . It takes a long time and it takes pain and strength plus real courage and no life has no meaning or purpose . You just haven't looked in the right place yet ! Set your purposes . One more thing , happiness comes to those who believe in , and you still have the chance . It's not the only aim , but a journey and when life gives you lemons , squeeze them and make lemonade . Even the fishes who live in the saltiest sea do not even taste salty . Sometimes , you are your enemy . In fact , in every single person , there would always be one side of him or her which wants to conquer the soul through anger , pessimism , pain , depression and pain and more . You still have the chance so please re-think . This is not the best choice for anyone at all , and why don't you start doing good deeds and help others ? What goes around comes around , believe me . At least , contribute something to the world and be nice . Be friendly and if people harass or hate you , well let them be . You are a smart person , so don't waste your brain . With that degree , you can help others you know ? Think again and i know you might dislike me for saying all of these things . Listen to keep your head up - andy grammer . Done :)
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