HectorJr's advice column

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Q: ok i really need some help here- i need a way to gain arm muscle and work on my abs really really fast does any1 know a workout that starts working super quickly

Oh by the way, whatever workout you do choose and find (and this goes to all those other people who want to maintain/improve their body [yes even then girls who are 110 and want to lose 50 lbs in 3 days]) - there is no workout that gets you results super fast. It does take more than a week. In most cases to see noticable results (depending on workouts done, how often, etc) it could take six weeks before you see any difference or feel any difference. Whatever you do, just stick to it and be consistent. Consistency is what gets you results, not magic pills or secret workouts.

Q: well heres my problem:
I Dont know when but soon im gonna meet up with my boyfriend that i havent seen for ages, weve been going out for 5 months, and we talked about sex im only young and a vigin but hes older and experianced and i trust him. I told him that i was ready do "do it" when we met up. Now thats true i do wanna but my worse fear is getting pregnant and im scared about it. i dont know what to do or what to tell him or if its worth the risk. It is somthing i trust him with, but bad things always seem to happen to me and i really dont want to get pregnant but i wanna do it. Please Help What Should I Do? And Wha Should i tell my boyfriend

Worried about consequesnces and how to deal with them? Then you are not at all ready for sex. Thats final. I'm not going to lecture you about it, because I'm sure plent of other columnists could/will.

If you aren't willing to accept and deal with any consequences that could happen because of this, then are you really ready? Are you ready for an STD? What about pregnancy? Ever think of the emotional problems this could have on you? What about your future, because having sex is something you can't undo?

You are too young. I really really really really really really really really really really really don't know what it is with girls and 'older guys'. I keep hearing the same words, actually the same exact phrase from any female I've ever asked both young and old. Their answer: they're more mature. Hah! Yeah right. If they were really that much mature than the people your age, they wouldn't lead you into sex or anything like that, no matter how much you both 'loved each other'. Think about it.

I think you should call it off and be honest with him. He breaks up with you? Good. Why am I saying thats good? Because then you just got him for what he was interested in and wanted in the first place. If he wanted you for sex, then obviously that relationship isn't going anywhere past that. Think about it and sort your feelings out. You are obviously not ready. It's still your call and only my opinion, but worries about consequences and insecurities about dealing with them doesn't sound like readiness to me. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: this is going to be long... and im sorry.

ive known this guy for 3 years and i fell in love with him, and he, me. he moved 1000 miles away after we fell inlove. we dated while he was gone. (he still is) but after 6 months, we broke up. that;s what we both wanted. there was no communication. last xmas (almost a year ago) he came back down here to visit me & his family. we ended up going to the movies (which is rare for me) and we fell in love again. but i didnt realize i still LOVED him until after he went back home. for a while after he left, we kept in contact and we were in love agian. but he didnt want a relationship. w/e. recently, we have been drifting apart. he blames it on his parents because they made him move 1000 miles away. i blame it on me because i cant be there with him. i know. im hard on myself. dont tell me that. i blame myself for everything. but idc about that.

my question is....
he never makes an effort. im always the one messaging him, iming him, etc. whenever i ask him if he loves me, he always says of course i do. it makes me depressed that he doesnt make an effort. cause i feel that he doesnt love me. we seldom talk. he barely responds to my messages. he doesnt call anymore (he has free longdistance calling--i dont--so he always called me so i didnt have to pay). but does he still love me even though he's not making an effort. idk if he's lying to me. i really love him. seriously. its actually love. i can tell. but, im tired of crying over this. if he doesnt love me, im moving on. (o. and hes coming down for my bday in april.)

You have to sit him down and talk to him over the phone. Ask him to be completely honest with you and ask him how he really feels about the entire situation and if he would like to keep things going. If he intended to keep things going, you need to let him know how you feel and that you would like more on his part to be done.

It could be that he does not realize that he is letting things fall apart and isn't trying as hard because he doesn't why should since (he might see) things are ok. So talk it out with him and sort our your feelings. It will take a lot of work and sacrifice to maintain a long distance relationship, especially one like that - but if you are both up to that then there is no problem and you should both keep it up. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Hello... I'm a 19 year old girl.. I'm studying in a university and taking up tourism.. I have a problem and that is, im dying to have a bf.. Most of my friends already have and i am so jealous. I'm not ugly or something, but i don't know why guys don't notice me.. I mean maybe they notice me too but guys that i like don't make a move. There are guys who like me but they're all not my type. Whenever i'm walking down the street, my friends notice that guys stare at me because not being arrogant, i can say that i'm not ugly and i do have nice shape.. So i'm curious why no guys my type ask me out? I had these 2 guy friends who i thought liked me too, though they're not my type, i asked them out but no ones like. They said that they only like me as a friend. What's wrong with me? That's why i'm thinking sometimes that there's something wrong with me that i don't know. My friends say that i'm attractive enough and that they're jealous because i do have nice body but why on earth no guys my type want to go out with me? Please help.. Thank you in advance..

First off, your body and looks should not be the reason why a guy should go out with you. Why would you want to be with somebody that likes you for what you look like? I trust that would not last very long anyways.

Your problem might be that you are looking for one. Chances are that when you look for love, you will find and go through a lot more before you really find it. So don't set yourself out to get a boyfriend, no matter how jealous you get.

There's nothing wrong with liking you as a friend. That is how it should be before anything does happen. Just become better friends with guys you know and ones you like and go from there. Really, there is no secret or magic to it. Just become really good and close friends and things will happen on their own. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: i got this book on christianity by miles mcphearson and it says i should get a christian mentor to help me understand the religion more because i just moved i cant ask a friend so i need someone on here who is willing to put up with a very dumb person when it comes to god.please be willing to put up with me for a long time and i want to do it through email so please help!!!!

~nikki~

Email: On my page.

I go to a Catholic high school, so I take religion classes and probably will be able to help you.

Q: 17 female How do I make sure I get a guy to ask me to the prom without asking them?

[Sorry I'll make this answer as short as possible as advised to do so by a fellow columnist =)]

Two things:
If you try to do drastic things to get guys to notice you or to ask you out, chances are you will do the opposite and make them not want to. So to avoid that just be you. When a guy thinks about who he will ask, he's going to think about his close friends, not people to show off or try way too hard.

Second, there is no problem in asking a guy out. We really like that. If you feel like you would be capable of doing that, then go ahead - because that is what you think and therefore would be what you would do [in other words you are being yourself]. So go for it and just be their friends without being too showy or trying too hard. Hoped that helped and good luck.

Q: 13/f
Is it weird not to want sex? Other people have it before they are married, but I want it after. If even then. I always said I would adopt my children. How I see it children are like puppies. Puppies are sent to pounds because they were not able to be taken care of, or not wanted. (Same as children sent to adoption agencies.) And the reason puppies, and children, are not being adopted is because dogs, and women, keep having babies. Then when the puppies owners can't find good homes for them they are sent to the pound, which just keeps on growing. So why would we want children when there are several at adoption aggencies waiting for a good family to arrive and take them home? Plus there is all that pain, and blood. But because I don't want to do it are people gonna try to make me later on? Thanks in advance.

No it's not weird not to want sex. You are probably one of the few sane and healthy thirteen year old girls. While your analogy was a bit confusing, I know what you mean. I really hope you stay that way and do wait until marriage - it will be worth it.

I think people will, actually in particular I think guys will. Should you give in? Nah. So many girls throw themselves into sex just because 'they love him.' Probably the worst idea that has hit our generation. While a majority of teenage girls see sex as an expression of deep love, a majority of teenage guys do not. And there goes another story about two teens that had sex, girl got pregnant, guy left her, and girl went into depression because she thought 'they loved each other'. While I don't mean to condemn all, I do realize that some are in fact innocent victims and taken advantage of. But I also realize that some willingly throw themselves into any situation without thinking about it. Sorry to ramble on like that, but I really hope people your age do take a few seconds to read that. I'd be glad if you did too. So to answer your question: yes they might, but of course, do not give in and stick to what you have. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I am a 28/f and very independant. I work and live on my own in an appartment. I have been single for about 5 years. I have a lot of interests and friends and I'm close to my family which keeps me busy. The problem is that some of my friends who are in relationships have been trying to set me up with guys. It bothers me because they say things like "we need to find you a man". One of my friends just started dating her bf and now is trying to set me up with his roomate. I'm not interested because they said he he's yoan me by about 6 years and is unemployed. Another friend of mine tried setting me up with a 22 year old. It was very awkward because he really liked me and I did not. How can I tell my friends in a nice way that I would like to meet a GROWN mature man on my own without them always trying to set me up? And since when is it a crime to be single? I quite enjoy it because my friends who are in relationships are always complaining about them.

There might not be a polite way of letting them know that. I would go for something along the lines of: Listen, I really appreciate what you are doing for me, but I don't want to trouble you and would much rather find a guy on my own. You can say that you would want to do it on your own even if you don't plan to.

It's not a crime to be single. Most would say that being single is a bad sign; I disagree with that. You are not tied down to another person; you have one less person to worry about; you don't have to let somebody else where you go where you are who you are with and when you'll be back, etc. You are much more free to do as you please than if you were in a relationship. So don't let whatever they say get to you, and if they keep trying to find you guys then just let them down easy and ask them not to, that you would rather do it yourself. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: You know what they all say "When you give a guy all he wants, he gets bored quickly." What are some examples of that phrase? like what are you not supposed to give all he wants? I've been dying to know what they exactly mean by that.

Thx =)

Not with me, but I've seen many scenarios that can fit that phrase. The most common and unfortunate can be seen with relationships.

I've heard countless stories about how a girl thought she was 'so in love' after only two weeks of going out with the guy, that they decided to have sex. Some guys will go for what they can get and be interested only in that and not the actual relationship.

Well you know the ending. Three weeks later the guys dumps her and moves on to somebody else. Meanwhile the girl is heartbroken and confused, wondering what she did wrong. She says to herself: but I loved him, I gave him my virginity, I cared for him, etc. She often fails to realize that she went too quickly into things and didn't think things through.

So theres one example where I'm sure you have heard at least one story about that does fit that phrase.

Ehh I can also apply it to video games. Some are a lot of fun and take a long time to beat and to find things and of course get better at it. It's really great until we find codes for the game. We put in the codes to get all the weapons, cars, infinite lives, skip the boring parts of the game, etc. Then what? Where's the fun in that? For a while it's probably the coolest feeling ever...but then you reach a point where you realize there's nothing left to do and that fun you had for using the cheat codes goes away. Now what? Well that's another example, not neccessarily something given to him by someone else. Anyways there's a bunch more. Hope that helped.

Q: I was never baptized but now I am looking into it. However I do not want to be baptized infront of the entire church during sunday mass. Is that out of the question?

Here it is:

You can be baptized once and only once. Anyone who is baptized can do it. If you would like to do so, you can talk to your pastor or a clergy member about it. For adults at least, there is a certain time of year for when this takes place, which would be Holy Saturday I think, which is right before Easter Sunday. Not sure how old you are, so talk to them and ask them what your options are. In my parish, baptisims are done on the first and third Sunday of the month with prior arrangement, but it could be different with your parish. Ask them and find out. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: my boyfrind an i like to talk on the phone alot lately cuz we're not able to see achother as often as we would like. we would talk for like 3 or 4 hours at night whil we play on the computer or watch tv. we likes to play the MMORPG daiblo 2. he owns a clan, whatever that is. he sometimes has to do something on there that would require both hands so he'd have to put down the phone. i understand that. he says that he'll be right back. but a few times he forgot that he was on the phone with me after he does that. i waited at least an hour last night but he never came back. i fell asleep with the phone on my ear waiting for him. is something wrong that he would just forget about me or am i over reacting?

Hey I'd be mad too if my minutes we're being used up like that. Talk to the guy. Set things straight: if he needs to put the phone down or will be right back, tell him to just call you back. He might not call you back, but you won't have to just wait there with a phone against your ear.

Just for your information, a clan is like a group or gang. Not in the bad sence, but when you become part of one, you are recognized as part of that 'family' otherwise called a clan.

Anyways...I always give my gf undivided attention when we're on the phone. Sometimes I just lie on my bed and close my eyes and talk. If you are both playing a game together on the computer or watching the same thing on TV then thats great. If you both aren't and are doing different things while talking, then thats not good and should not go on like that. Ask him to give you his undivided attention, because it's not like you two see each other for hours a day every single day. Talk to him and let him know you are serious about this.

One thing I will point out - some guys might do things or might forget to do things not because we don't care or love the girl, but just because it never occured to us. Example: I used to never have my phone on me. My gf would call and never get a hold of me especially when she really needed me. Was it that I didn't care about her? No of course not. It just never occured to me. After she sat me down and talked to me about it, I have never left the house without my phone since. So talk to him about it and don't be afraid to ask him to do things or to draw a line - sometimes we need that. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: What kind of stretches can I do to become more flexible( like touching my toes etc)?

One really helpful stretch that got me to that point was stretching my hamstrings. You can look online or in magazines on how to stretch your hamstrings - I'd try to explain it but its not as easy - like you would be able to see and do it right away if you saw a picture instead of reading about it. Make sure you can do as many stretches of your hamstrings and lower back as possible. If you do enough of them and actually hold them out for 15-30 seconds, you will see improvements very quickly. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Before I ask this question, which may seem to have a simple answer to some, I must first try to put you into my situation. And if i do this properly Im sure you will find that it is not so easily answered. I am a seventeen year old girl starting her senior year in highschool who has never even been spoken to by a guy let alone kissed. Usually I am invisible to them, and when i try to talk to them they usually just ignore me. I used to think it was because i was a bit of a nerd but not even the nerdy boys liked me. So one day during the summer I was just browsing the web reading my favorite fanfiction stories and i come across a dating service advertisement under the romance section. Anyhow i find a guy my age and Instant Message him on aim. He and I have been talking ever since (for four months about two hours each day) just casually and we ask each other for advice, and argue mostly about what we read or hear in the news. he is about a year and a half older than me and lives about an hour and a half a way. I know he is not a freak because i have done my research and if anyone has the right to be sceptical about or relationship it should be him since I am the one who instant messaged him and he has no idea how I found his name. I am going to be busy with school soon and Im not sure if i should keep talking with him or not. He and I enjoy talking with each other and we feel we can share nething even the most embarassing things about ourselves because we dont know who the other person is. Our relationship is almost freeing. But He will be starting college in the fall and I feel as if i would be bothering him, although he asks my help with everything. Is he worth my time?? or is my relationship just brief infatuation?? and if it is is infatuation is it really bad to have a friend that is a guy??

For the time being, go ahead and give it a shot. Don't expect it to go all the way, but don't give up on. If you are expecting a relationship out of it, let him know.

Seems like a pretty good friendship developed there - which is crucial for any relationship. If you feel intimidated by his personality or the things he does, try not to get dragged into it. Stay 'good'. Keep the friendship going and do your best to stay out of his way but still be there for him. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 13/f I dated one of my best friends for like five days about 2 months ago. When I broke up with him, he took it really hard, he wasnt himself for weeks and I felt awful. About three weeks ago, I started liking him again and I told him and we started going out again. I now really don't like him like that, but I just can't brake up with him. I can't bear to hurt him again, plus all my friends would hate me. When we first started going out they all were like you better not hurt him again. I don't know what to do. The guy is like so in love with me it's not even funny. What should I do?

Forget your friends being mad at you. If they get mad at you for something like that, then guess what - they aren't really your friends.

You owe it to him to let him know that you don't want to be with him and want to call things off. You should sit him down and tell him how you feel. Be honest. That is essential in any friendship or relationship. Really, if it was the other way around and you really loved the guy and he didn't even like you at all, would you want him going out with you just so you don't feel bad?

Think things through and settle things with him. If you are going to end things, better sooner than later. Don't let what others say get to you - they aren't the ones involved with this. Also, if he gets upset then so what? He'll be fine in a few days or weeks. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: ok i got my permit in july & so my driving test is in january. i did not drive for like 2 weeks. ive been busy because school starts soon & i had to get ready for that. i really dont like driving. i feel like im behind, because all of my friends are going on the highway & they got their permit around the same time i did. i did roads in my town, but not the highway or main street. my mom said im very good & i know what im doing. i just feel really behind & they make it seem like its a competition when i know it isn't. do you think im behind?? i thought since january isn't really close to know, im fine. i never had any problems yet, not even one. can anyone give me their opinion or experience??

thanks!!

Nah don't worry about it. You're fine. Just get the most out of any time you practice. I'm taking drivers ed and its actually not helping that much. I'm practicing in the city/suburbs part. I live in the suburbs with wide roads and big cars, which means more room, which means even more speed. It's frightening. In the city its pretty smooth, because speed rarely exceeds fourty. So it is good to get all around experience everywhere on different roads and different places. Hope that helped and good luck =)

Q: Ok so, my bset friend of my whole life went out with this guy, who is also one of my good friends. They fought all the time when they were going out and he finally dumped her, because apparently he liked me the whole time. Now that he's single he keeps wanting to hang out with me and talk to me all the time and I think my best friend is starting to get jealous. Me and this guy have always been really close, we're like twins and i know if we were a couple it would be really fun and go well. But the problem is, I think i like this guy too. So what should I do? Go out with him and talk to my best friend about it? Or just wave him off and hurt his feelings?

Talk to your friend, the girl that is. See how she honestly feels about this whole thing.

You should try to avoid losing a friendship over a relationship, simply because most relationships will end and along with that the friendship that came with it. If you keep the friendship over the relationship, chances are that "relationship" will stay a friendship, and so will the other friendship. In other words, you risk losing both the girl and the guy as your friends if you go out with the guy.

Tell your friend how you feel about him and what she thinks about him and you and the whole dating thing. If she isn't ok with it, then you should respect that. If you like the guy and he likes you too, then thats great. Wait on it though. Feelings could change for either one of you sooner than you think. Give it some time and see how things develop and then question whether or not it would be worth it to go out with him. Sort out your feelings and talk to your friend about it and see what she thinks. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Im sorry this will be long, but please bear with me. I started talking to this guy a few months back, and we really hit it off. Problem was, he was hiding the fact that he has a girlfriend. Me and his girlfriend talked, and we were friendly with each other, but one day she said "I dont want you two to talk, I think youre getting too close" and she was right..we said we loved each other every time we talked, and we hung out a lot. We never kissed, but we held hands, and just did all the cutesy stuff. Things happened, and me and this guy stopped talking for a few days because we were fighting. Neither of us could stand it, we missed each other, so we started hanging out again. We eventually hooked up, and through a bit of trickery by his girlfriend, she found out. We fought but then things were okay but things keep getting mixed up and we keep fighting. I know I shouldnt talk to him anymore even thought I love him and I know he loves me. I need a way to get over him because I cant hurt his girlfriend like this anymore even though she has made me feel lower than dirt. I somewhat deserve it but I couldnt help kissing him back when he made a move. How can I forget about him when I still love him?

Talk to the guy. Make him decide. Obviously it would not work or be right for him to do the things he does with you and still have another girlfriend. Tell him he needs to choose either you or her and he has to stick to it.

Try to forget about him and the way you feel about him for a bit, because he needs to make up his mind before it goes further and more damage is done. You said "even though I love him and I know he loves me". Does his girlfriend know that? Did he say so? It sounds like a pretty strong statement to make off a weak base. What I mean is that how do you know that is true if he still has a girlfriend and tried to hide it in the first place.

Talk to him about all this and ask his girlfriend to help you set him straight. Make him decide and make up his mind because it can't go on like this. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Im going into my sophmore year of High School, and for some reason, this past year I have been getting really harassing phone calls/voicemails, messages on myspace, and IM's from screen names I dont know. I never did anything to deserve it, but people keep calling me a slut and a whore. I dont understand why they are calling me that, and I dont know how to stop it. Its so unfair :(

Talk to the phone company and your parents about getting a new number. If you do, don't give it out to everyone, make sure you know exactly who it is that you give it out to. If you need to call other people who you do not want to have your number, press *67 then dial your number.

Make your Myspace private and just forget about the messages - if you see its from somebody you know will send you something mean, then just delete it without opening it.

Set your AIM (sorry if that is not what you use) settings to accept IMs only from those on your buddylist - do so through preferences.

Just ignore them and don't let it get to you, because whoever is doing that is try to get under your skin. If you show it does not let them get to you and find ways of protecting yourself, they'll back off. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: This is going to be really long, so please stick with me.

Last week, I found out that my boyfriend was flirting with someone that hangs out where his sister works. I was kinda sorta okay with it, since I know that he means nothing by it and its just his personality. But then one of my cousins went to go get her hair done by his sister while he was there. My boyfriend doesn't know my cousin. Well, this girl was really like seriously flirting with him and he was just trying to tell her that he loved me and would never cheat on me and to stop flirting and all. But she didn't stop.

Well I'm death in one ear, and 50% in the other, so when I talk on the phone, I can only hear what the person who is talking on the phone is saying. Well, he called me and she (the slut) was flirting with him and yada-yada. And I heard her say, "If you didn't have a girlfriend, you know you would want to hit this" and he said, "Yes, but I have a girlfriend and I love her and wouldn't want to hurt her" Well then she said, "even if you did?" and he said "never"
Do you think he will cheat on me with this girl?

Okay, well he goes to "trivia night" at a place around here with his sister, her husband and their friends and that girl went. Well, they ran out of chairs and she sat in my boyfriends lap. He didn't do anything about it.

Well, we had this really long talk about it and he said he wants to marry me and he loves me and never wants to hurt me again.

I told him that I called the girl and she said that he kissed her and he made her sit in his lap and he was always flirting never her. (I lied, I've never talked to this girl) He got really mad and upset about it. Well, a lot of rumurs go around about him and he said that I never believed any of the other rumours why should I belive this one? So, does that mean that my lie is really what he did? Or did he really not do anything?

He said he would never talk to her again, and I believe him. Just, do you think that what I lied about was the truth? Is that why he got so mad about it?

Please help, I really love him and don't want to loose him.

He is always telling me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he never wants to loose me, and when I talked about breaking up with him he got really scared and cryed. I'm just really confused. Please, help. Thanks.

Well if you want to know and you really love him, be honest about it and tell him - tell him the truth and ask him if that is really what he did.

To be honest, I don't think he did what you said. I'm not sure why you would think so. Were all the other rumors true or just talk? None of us know if he did or did not do that...you have to ask him directly and find out for yourself. Really, if you want to hold onto a relationship you need to communicate, and now would be the time to do it. If you can't get past this now, then how can you get through other and bigger things that might come your way? So confront him, talk to him, ask him, and be open and honest. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Are MPEG movie files compatible with video iPods?

No, you need to convert them.

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Have fun.

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Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.