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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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I am 23 and have never been in a relationship or had sex, but I’ve done everything leading up to sex, including with the person I’m currently involved with. We met online and have known each other for almost a month. I am extremely nervous about where this may or may not be headed, as I have no experience with relationships. We’ve done sexual things on almost every date, which I do enjoy very much. One day, he spent hours fingering me to orgasm and it was great. I’m really surprised that even happened. I think sex is very close to happening and its making me extremely nervous. Up until now, I didn’t think I wanted to be in love to lose my virginity. Now I’m having second thoughts about that. I think penetration with him has made me feel incredibly vulnerable and I’ve decided I want an emotional connection with someone before having sex. The thing is, I can’t tell if I have those meaningful feelings for him. The whole situation is starting to give me crippling anxiety. Does this anxiety mean there is lack of a meaningful connection between us? Or am I just extremely nervous and need to get over my nerves? He’s a good person and treats me better than anyone I’ve ever dated. I want to give him a chance. At the same time, I don’t get the kind of mental stimulation I do with my platonic relationships. So far, it’s a very touchy feely type of relationship and that is very new for me. It’s scaring the hell out of me. I’m just feeling somewhat pressured and rushed. Is this good or bad? Is it my fault I’m feeling this way? I’m also very scared of losing my identity. I have a busy life and lots of things that are important to me. He doesn’t seem to fit into my life, but maybe this is a sign I need to find a new center? What are your thoughts?

You've said a lot of things that are positive about your situation like you enjoy it very much, treats you better than any others in the past. Unless you left out all the bad things, there isn't a reason from past experiences to have such reservations, so I can only assume that the real issues are actually just in your mind. I am not saying you are crazy. Just saying our thoughts can wander all over the place and I don't know how they get there, but some things in life influence or sometimes its just what we see, hear or experiences of others that reshape our thoughts into quite distorted thinking without any validity to them and fear is almost always involved. I should know cus I used to have severe social anxiety not based on anything that happened to me, just fears of what if scenerios, that may have been a jumble of things I took in from what I had seen or heard out there in society of what happened to others. My distorted thoughts led to me behaviors that made me more anti social and hard to become friends with. I also didn't trust people easily.

So if the problem is your thoughts, you may want to examine them one by one to discover what it is that actually is whats holding you back.

First thought: I wanted to be in love to lose my virginity.
Okay, lets find out if you are in love. When you are in love, you will automatically fear losing that person in your life one way or another, either to another person, from an accident/a death. So picture both scenerio's in your mind. Your subconscious mind is where all your emotions reside and it is what is triggered to feel sadness or anger when you watch a movie, and produce the feelings of tenseness and heart beat pounding or the tears. Picture yourself losing him and you can't find anyone else like him again. Would you realize after the fact that you loved him? It took one girl who friend zoned her guy, to seeing him with another girl before she realized that she loved him back as she felt very jealous and unhappy and couldn't focus on her regular life until she had him back. And then she was willing to move on to the romantic and sexual part of the relationship with him. If you have trouble with imagining, this may be hard for you but I don't know of another or better way, perhaps someone else here can tell you.

And then theres the topic of 'virginity'. Do you know all the meanings of the word virgin? There is one more meaning besides not having had intercourse. Virgin can be used of ​forests and ​areas of ​land that have not ​yet been ​cultivated or used by ​people, so it can also mean a woman who has not yet been touched in any sexual ways by another person. I say person rather than male because if you think about it, two gay men or two lesbian women have the same parts and can not have the penis in vagina sex that most of us equate with losing virginity. So at what point do they lose their virginity if they are gay for life and never had a partner of the opposite sex. Do they die, an old person still a virgin even though they've had sex their entire life?
Virginity was a concept created by men in ages long age when there was no such thing as paternity tests or birth control. Since with modern medicine we have those covered, there really isn't a need to remain a virgin simply because it's still a social habit/belief for some. If there is no religious belief, then it all comes down to what you said, wanting to be in love. Sometimes the person we marry is not the person we lost virginity to. Or we lose virginity to people who take it from us by force, by terrible means. A person can still enjoy a first time with each person they ever have sex with. Theres two reasons people engage in sex, some as a recreational thing, to scratch that itch, they are horny and just taking care of it. Others do so because there are feelings for the other person. The degree of feelings will vary depending on how close you both are and how perfect and compatible you both are for each other. So on a scale of 1 to 3, 1 meaning the guy cares about you, 2 the guy feels he loves you to 3. the guy is 'in love' with you, from experience, I can say that sex with all 3 are wonderful and rewarding. Of course, the ultimate I wanted was a guy in love with me since my ex confessed to a counselor that he'd never been in love with me, just loved some things about me. For me, once divorced and seeking another, I was not going to wait for sex until wedding night again. A main issue was being sexually compatible, same kind of libido...how much and how often both want it, and what kind of things they want to do in sex. I didnt have it before so my decision to check that out early on was important to me. What do you think would be really different about you if you did have intercourse. What are those thoughts in your mind? Will you be missing something, have lost something? If thats how you feel, you will continue to resist sex for many years if not a life time and become an old maid. Sex is a personal journey of discovery in ones sexual self that begins in puberty with a cycle for girls, and masturbation for both sexes and moves on to kissing and touching another, mutual masturbation, oral sex and finally intercourse. Its like lets say getting a drivers license. You read the book, practice driving but never go the final step to taking the driving test to get your license. Just because you don't have a valid drivers license, does that mean you don't know how to drive yet? YOu know, you've experienced it, you just haven't gone the final step of the drivers test cus its scary in your mind, just like the step to having intercourse.

See, I hope you understand that alot of this is based on how you are thinking about it.
You wonder if this means a lack of connection or its just nerves. Nerves is my guess, that same kind of nerves over entering or experiencing something new, a new job, a drivers test, intercourse. Its something you haven't done before so its natural, humans just tend to have fears over the unknown or things they havent experienced before. The best way I've learned to overcome my fears is to face them and that means doing the very thing I am afraid of doing. The moment I start, the fears go away, like a bully who has been challenged.
If you ask most people if they enjoyed their first sexual experience, most will say, no or it was okay but not spectacular. The latter was mine. Most people don't have beautiful memories of their first time cus we were inexperienced and perhaps were not yet with the love of our life. I am in my 50s and my second husband is the first time I've really enjoyed sex in my life, but we didnt get together until I turned 50, so most my life, I was missing out. Sex isn't something to fear but to enjoy, an outpouring of the love you feel for another. I am in love with him but have also experienced a guy who I loved many great things about him and so we both could say I love you to each other. It was true, the sex was great, but there was something missing, something that wasn't love or sex related, I was and he was still looking for one who could also be our best friend and lover. Luckily we both had our marriage partners come into ours lives at the same time and parted ways. Touchy feely scares you? Perhaps its due to not being a touchy feely gal in personality types. You don't have to be as long as your two differing personality types dont clash.
Or perhaps its more the intensity of the feelings that scare you as you haven't experienced them before. Yes, I can relate to that. Intensity not experienced before CAN scare the hell out of anyone. The idea is to not go running away but to hang in there and stay long enough to decide if this is the real thing or only the excitement of new relationship energy which fades within a few weeks or months, depending on how often you see each other. Its the same kind of excitement over getting the toy you wanted forever at Christmas but once you'd had it a while it began to lose its hold on your attention and just didnt seem so special anymore. Don't worry, real love doesn't go away after time, it settles down, maybe the excitement level goes from 10 down to 8 so you can focus on other daily tasks that need be done but when you both decide to show each other how much you love each other in bed, that excitement flares back up to 10 and never goes away, it grows and grows and you both become more woven into the tapestry of each other, inseparable.
You've only known each other a month, not enough time to feel comfortable being forever with him. There's no time for trust to build, consistancy of being who we say we are over time will do that. You feel rushed because yes, theres only a month of time together so it could be just NRE, new relationship energy...so give it a couple of months. I met one guy where it was a whirlwind of seeing each other every other day and I'd spend the whole weekend at his place. The intensity scared him so he asked for space and time and stayed away but got only 3 days before realizing he missed me and asked if we could see each other and then confessed to feeling scared due to how quickly things went so well, so intense. He and I were not destined because he wasn't of the marriage mind and I didn't want a boyfriend to visit, I wanted a partner. Having things important to you should also become important to the man you end up with. Important but not necessarily his new favorite activity or whatever. One should never change or lose their identity by choice to become a better match for someone. That may be your fear in losing yourself. As I said, one month isn't long enough. See where you are at in 3 or 5 months and you'll probably have a better idea. Whether you have intercourse right away or wait some months until you feel more sure is up to you. All of the concerns you have, I suggest bringing up at some point with him. Right now, is too soon but if you see each other several times a week then in another month, if you still feel overwhelmed, let him know, don't keep him guessing and thinking you're losing interest. The one thing that I love about my mate is being able to share whatever thoughts are on our minds, whether fears, worries, concern or just happy muses, we share and you can't until you have some kind of trust that he won't laugh, ridicule, shame you or not take what you share when you make yourself vulnerable that way. When you feel you can trust him, then let him know. and if he;s the good man he seems to be, he will understand and want to encourage you and wipe away your concerns by sharing his heat and letting you know how he feels too, and bein patient with you, etc...
I am sure you will be fine. You really just need time before you can be sure of what you have with him. Heck even i as an older adult needed time before I could fully trust my 2nd husband before we married.

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For us women, why do career aspirations/work/school/intellectual passions have to be so separate from love life? Why are women, specifically, always put in a position to have to choose one or the other? I'm in the arts, currently a student and beginning to take measures to plan my career. Being an artist is my livelihood. My work is everything to me. Every time I date someone, I feel attracted to them sexually but under-stimulated in some way. It's always the type of guy that has absolutely nothing to do with my work or my artistic passions. Why then, do I always gravitate toward this type of guy? Why am I always in a position where I feel a battle between said guy, who has nothing to do with my life and my life? I just never seem to find the guy who would feed my passions and fit into the life I'm building for myself. Why do women have to give up what they do to fit into their man's life? Why can't people in general merge career and love into one? Is it because most people associate career with just money? It seems there's a culture here in America of going home after work and switching off, until work the next morning, or just generally having work life and home life be completely separate. Why do I feel this anxiety that my whole life is threatened every time I meet a guy? When I type these questions into google there are plenty of articles on how to keep love life and work life separate (mostly geared toward women it seems) but not WHY. Advicenators has love life and work life as two separate categories. I'm not seeking personal advice as much as I'm intrigued to know others' ideas and personal stories on this topic.

Great questions hon, especially this one here that is so concise and from which I will give an answer from my own life experience:

"Why do women have to give up what they do to fit into their man's life?"

I feel its actually more of giving up everything, not just what ones profession is if there is one, but what our hobbies are, our favorite anything, foods, movies, music, activities, etc.

We have long fooled ourselves into thinking that the other person is making us give up something of ourselves so we can fit into the man's life and be 'perfect' for him. No one can change you. You can only decide to change who you are inside, your character, your personality and what you stand for in hopes it will land you a wonderful guy.
All you are doing is weakening yourself. I believe this to be more of a female trait than a males. Females at puberty start to crave admiration, positive attention from males, verification that they are desirable and normal as a female. That is natural in how we are made. Men do not change who they are to get the girl. They either drop her cus she doesn't feel right for him, if they are a controller or narcissistic, they might look for a weak gal who will bend to his will but he's still never happy with her, or some might use a mix of charm and force or ultimatums to bully a gal into changing for him or meeting his wants rather than a compromise.
There are also guys who are nothing like that, like my 2nd husband.

My husband and I have both worked many jobs, usually just basic labor force type jobs, nothing requiring degrees or a career choice. But there were many other things we had learned from life and being married before where its really not what job or how you look, or your basic interests, but finding someone who will fully support you in this, enjoy it be proud of you, even if they don't share the same interest. The only two things he wanted when searching dating sites was a female his equal sexually and who was a spiritual person. I had those two on my list of importance also as well as a couple of other things. I had a detailed list for myself based on who I am and my life experiences so far. After being sexually mismatched with the first one for 30 yrs and also verbally abused due to discovering he actually had mental illness but didn't want to see a Dr and go on meds, I knew what I wanted to avoid. I needed a man who would be supportive of me as a whole, everything about me, from being partially vegetarian, to being creative and nurturing and all the things I use those two qualities in, gardening, writing, crafts, energy healing and much more. He didn't have to like or do the same, just support me in what I like and do and be proud of me and encourage me. I can not tell you how many people he has proudly told that fact that I share advice on this column. He has encouraged people to go on and read what I've written. He admires many others things. I have so much support now whereas with the first husband, he always was pointing the finger at me, it was always my fault for trouble s in marriage, at a job, or that I got sick, etc...

What I am trying to say is since you keep running into the wrong kind of guys, either you are not ready for the right kind of guy and actually need to learn something from unsupportive ones, or perhaps in the little you've experienced, you really have learned what you want to avoid, so I hope you've made mental notes of what warning signs those kinds of guys eventually show as even the nicest person masking who they really are can't hide behind a false persona longer than a few days, weeks or handful of months because it takes a lot of personal energy and people will drop the false mask and become their real self with you and after a couple signs that give you the true glimpse of who they are at core, you can then stop wasting your time. Hon, even I in my 40s met up with guys who seemed promising from how they wrote, talked on phone and I met them at a coffee shop. Sometimes they failed right then, others didn't show their true self until 3rd or 4th date. When I say days to months time to discover if a person is really consistantly who you believe them to be, its actually how often you see and interact with a person before you'll get your clues. It doesnt mean there's something wrong with you dear, its just all part of the process of weeding out the duds and looking for the needle in the haystack.

So, first, you need to evaluate yourself, it's not your job in particular that is the issue, you have to look deeper. You are seeking support. All people want that. Did you have that growing up? Perhaps you had the perfect father, so great a guy that all those you meet pale in comparison. If so, you need to explore that situation in detail to be able to mentally get past it and see if you are looking for a carbon copy or someone equally great but different. Perhaps, your Dad was a bad father in so many ways that you vowed to never get with a man like him so that even something small like having one thing in common, leaving a toilet seat up is enough to have your interest in a guy cool off and disappear.

Since you state you get sexually attracted but feel understimulated in other ways, I can only come up with one...I required a meeting of the minds and I have that with current husband. The best relationships have a two fold foundation everything grows from, being sexually compatible ad the other, being each others best friend. Think of a female best friend. I know mine had things in common and we thought alike, like the same things, some same hobbies but we still were different and unique in some ways but those differences had appeal, something we wanted to learn to do or experience together. I believe you are seeking the man with whom you can be best friends, have a meeting of minds so that both of you are intellectually stimulated by conversation with each other even though some of what is most interesting to you isn't at the same level of interest for your partner. It is a most wonderful thing to be admired for your mind, for your heart besides the usual of being admired for your looks. I can not tell you why you gravitate towards the wrong type. If its just not knowing how to find the right one, then I am sharing what I know to help but if its something buried in your psyche, you just may need to see a psychologist and I have a suggestion there too...only those trained in cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitives being thoughts, it is our thoughts, thinking patterns and habits, distortions or fears that can lead us to a certain behavior or action that we really don't want to have or keep taking. I dont know which is the case for you so I thought I'd add this now before I forgot.

I did mention the search for the needle in the haystack, thats what hunting for a guy was like, it was going to be virtually impossible to hope to bump into him in public somewhere. So I used dating sites. Although there are free ones and I met my husband on one, if you are looking for a quality man who may be ready for marriage, then I would suggest Match.com as it is much more thorough in questioning each person and if you can be really truthful with your answers, then it will work on finding good matches for you. Then its a matter of whether you like the looks and when you meet, if you both feel that chemistry. But you have to have figured out first what it is that you need and want. Needs are a must have in the relationship, a deal breaker if not present. The wants are like icing on the cake, nice but not necessary. Like my wanting a guy who liked going dancing. My husband doesn't dance. Something like this would not be a deal breaker but you could use if you find two guys who are perfect in matching your needs, then you go over your list of wants to see which one meets most of those. I hope this helps you to see that you can find a man who supports who you are, in your profession, who you are at core and someone who doesnt require you to change to be perfect for him. If you aren't perfect for each other, you are with the wrong guy dear. Good luck.

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I'm Ayo from Nigeria. I had unprotected sex in Feb 2014. Few days later my pennis head pennis peeled off and same as the scrotum sack. Few days later red spots appears all over my skin and my stomach burns hot and hurt. I couldn't go for treatment for 4 months but did thereafter. I was placed on injection for 10days plus meds. The doc later conduct test of which my urine and blood were collected and for all test conducted it was all NEGATIVE . Now,my observation which sparks my concern is my pennis head is still peeled and same as the scrotum sack. The red spots are still obvious and I still feel as something is eating me in the body,plus I now my right ear makes noise and my tongue sore . Please help . 08133465014

None of us are doctors and even a Dr. wouldn't make a diagnosis based on just what you've told us. Some symptoms like ringing sounds in the ear can be a symptom of several different things.
Then there's always the chance that you have contracted a very rare condition or disease for which there is help but because it is so rare, not many medical personnel have any experience with it and/or have never heard of it. What you need to do is to keep seeing different Drs until you find one who is really willing to do all they can to research and discover what is wrong with you or hunt around for a specialist, even if the specialist isn't in your own country. Sometimes, for a rare disease there many be only one or two doctors in a country or another country nearby who have knowledge of it and can help you. Since this has been going on for a while, you must have lots of situations that cant be all told to a Dr. in a visit.
Here's another suggestion. Start keeping a journal and write down everytime you experience lets say your stomach hurting, write down the date the time, how long it lasts and then all other activity of yours during the day, what you ate that day, how much fluid you drank and what you drank, did you go anywhere? Did you exercise, visit anybody, go to work, to school. It even gets as detailed as where did you get your drinks of water during the day? From a drinking fountain at work or from water in your village. Dr.s need to have this kind of information so that if others have the same issues, they can then look for the one thing all these people have in common. Its much like long ago when little children were getting very ill or dying after eating hamburgers at fast food places that weren't cooked enough and we discovered things about salmonella. An adult might get an upset stomach and live but the same poison in a smaller body could kill. NOt to scare you that what you have is deadly, but what ever it is, Doctors are going to need detailed notes from you. And you need a Dr. who is willing to take the personal interest in your case to actually read your notes and want to help get you healthy again. Make copies of your notes and keep original, giving copies to doctors. good luck.

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Long story short, I've been dating a guy for two months. He puts on this persona like he's this really funny and awesome to be around guy. Everybody thinks he's a rising star and he's pretty much the "cool guy" on campus. He also pretends like he's very religious and sweet.

We're both 21 and live on campus at a University. I started dating him under the same pretense and for the first month things were great. Then he got very manipulative, dark, and controlling. He started telling me who I can and can't be friends with. He approached them and told them to stay away from me. He made me quit a club I was going to and also stop going to bible studies. Anytime I go out with my off campus friends he gets very angry with me and tells me my friends are losers and whores when he's never even met them. He's even waited in front of the dorm building for me to get back to see who I was with.

When we were on spring break and he had to go back home to another state he was constantly asking me who I was with and what I was doing. Even when I was with my mom he wanted me to constantly be answering him and got mad if I didn't do so promptly.

I also just got a new job and he's always heckling me to quit even though I need the money.

Another thing was when we first started dating he told me he wanted to wait until engagement to have sex. Then I found out he wasn't a virgin and then he started wanting sex from me. Now every time I'm with him he wants sexual favors and gets mad when I don't give in.

I've have a kidney infection for two days and I've been in a lot of pain from it. He knows this, but he refuses to believe it even though I'm on two prescriptions and he claims that the doctor is wrong. My doctor told me not to have sex until it goes away so I refused last night, and he started guilt tripping me and told me that our relationship isn't healthy when I refuse to have sex with him. I got upset of course and told him that it's my right to say no and then he replied with "You know I've ruined all of my ex girlfriends lives" and went into detail about it including a story about he convinced an ex's family that she commit suicide.

When things like this happen he always tries to smooth things over, by layering on compliments and telling me how much he cares about me. He's always asking me if I have faith in us and our relationship and telling me he does. If I try to tell him that I feel like his behavior is wrong he pretends to get really sad and says that I'm just misinterpreting his intentions and that he really cares about me and can see us together for the rest of our lives and then I get confused.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm stuck and like hes blackmailing me into staying in the relationship. Nobody on campus would ever believe me if I reported him because he acts so nice and sweet to all of them. I don't want him to ruin my life and I know if I broke up with him he would. I'm scared that the only way for me to get away from him is to stick it out until summer vacation and then transfer colleges.

Please help!!! I don't know what to think or what to do!











What you need to realize, something I didnt at your age, is that no one can 'make' us or 'force' us to do something we don't want to do. We want something bad enough, and that would be, being in a relationship, dating someone and being their gf or a marriage partner and so we lie to ourselves that what they are doing to us isn't all that bad, we make compromises all the time to do their will and from the first time that we give in and do their will, the bad person see's that giving in as you having given control of your life over to them even if you don't see it that way. Unfortunately, people like him only prey on women that are weak, not strong willed with good self confidence. And sometimes they are fooled by a woman just 'appearing that way' even if she isn't so that when she does fight back after giving in just once, the battles of wills begin and since he's bigger and stronger, we fear for what might happen and so we tend to try to go along with him.
Of course, all of this is the wrong thing to do with a controlling person. It will not get any better. My ex was a controller. He was bad enough but doesnt sound quite as bad as this guy you've got. Who cares what anyone else thinks. They don't have to believe you but I'll bet all of his ex's would believe you cus they've lived it. My ex was same in that no one, not even church leaders saw him as anything but a good godly man...not so when alone with him though. A person like this will also try to whittle down your own self image and respect by telling others what a problem you are, making up lies and pointing the finger at you and belittling you in public, all very terrible things but it is a self defense mechanism of the mentally ill and controlling people who deep down inside know they aren't quite as normal as others but too afraid to discover whats up with them so they don't go to see a Dr. And being able to function well enough to pass dectection in society they are never caught or exposed. But if they subconsciously feel someone is close to discovering or getting too curious in a dectective type way about them, they begin to look for a scapegoat and will point fingers at you, make it so believeable that everyone thinks you are the one with major issues and problems instead. I was a fool and stayed 30 yrs raising 3 daughters. Now divorced, I have to live with seeing the results in my daughters of what growing up with him as the male figure, father in their life has done to them. One daughter has mental illness but like him wont accept help and has rejected family and extended family. Middle daughter is gun shy of relationships and although she does get into them, only with weak milktoast type guys who wouldn't hurt a flea but then she gets bored with them and leaves or they decide they don't like her running the show and the last is acting as caregiver to a guy who is really messed up in the head mentally and I am not sure what all his issues are and he has an anger problem and has been violent at times so I fear for her safety. People like your guy will keep spreading their poison on. Even tho it didn't affect me mentally, it did physically cus stress has to go somewhere. I am happily remarried and still could kick myself for staying with him as long as I did but my reasons seemed sound to me at the time, one being church doctrine to trust God to heal my marriage.
If it any time you fear for your well being, feel threatened, even tho he hasn't spoken words like "I will kill you", there are things that will qualify like forcing you to have sex when a Dr. has said you need bed rest. I know a woman with a similar situation, husband forcing her when she needed time to heal and the law was on her side and now she's working on the divorce process. Since you are in school, go see a school counselor and tell them everything you told me. Ask her to point you in the right direction to get help. You need to stop seeing him but he will likely say all sorts of bad things and try to ruin your life. However if there are reports filed with psychologists for yourself first and your reports to the police, even tho they can't do anything with him yet, the paper trail will be your defense when he becomes vindictive. There needs to be a paper trail already now, before you transfer schools because there's always the chance he may try to hunt you down and actually find you. Imagine how bad it looks for him to have you reporting him to police in another town for stalking you, bullying, harassing, and or threatening and they hear that police in your last town have the same kind of paperwork on him. He will likely be questioned and they'll be keeping their eyes on him. Doing nothing because you are afraid is actually the worst thing you could do. Get started talking to a counselor and find out what suggestions she has, talk to the police and ask them as an ahead of time thing, as to what you can do right now to protect yourself from him and get him out of your life and follow their suggestions and give them any reports of where he has threatened or forced you to do something you didnt want. And once you know what to do and have it all in place, tell him you are no longer interested in dating him and ask him to please leave you alone. Don't show fear, don't accuse him, don't say why you're leaving him. ..because there's likely a trigger finger anger that could jump to life if he felt you thought anything bad about him. Say nothing to rile him, just use the age old best excuse, that after a couple months of time invested, you still feel that there isn't enough chemistry. Hopefully he will give up. If he doesnt, the police already have your report, let them know he's stalking you still. And keep seeing a counselor for a while because I know when I was confused and stressed I couldn't always think straight either and even tho I have no mental illness, I did benefit from counselors. I saw one first and it helped a little but she and I weren't the best personality match for Dr/patient so I had another one later who was the greatest help, I just kept looking and trying til I found the counselor who could help me who was actually retired but doing more of the life coaching stuff in retirement yet he helped me the most. I will be praying for you dear. good luck.

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Hi, we've know for over a year. Work together and we do flirt at times. He does winds me up by calling me things that I don't like, I tell him don't call me that, he says it winds u up and he laughs, plus he's quite flirty to everyone. Recently, he's going away for few weeks and told me he will miss me and asked me at the same time if I would miss him, I said no, I won't miss u and he just called me bloody and used my name, by the sound of it, he looked and sounded disappointed therefore GUYS, WHAT DOES HIS BEHAVIOUR mean? I do like him and I know he likes me too. He's friendly and flirty with everyone but with me he flirts in a different way. I don't know, am I reading too much??? MORE ADVICE please. Cheers

If you work together, I will assume you are both adults. As an adult, a good way to find out if someone returns the same kind of interest is to flirt and see how they respond. Although if a person is over friendly and flirty with everyone, then its part of their personality and then you can't rely on just flirting to know.
Since you are wondering what his actions mean, can I safely assume you have some level of interest in him, whether just as a friend or for possibly more? If you didn't care, you wouldn't really bother asking us and just ignore him instead. You may not think thats what you are doing but there is some reason why his interactions with you mean something. If adult and not in HS anymore, its time to go about relationships in a more adult fashion.
The question here really is: How do you like him, enough to want to date him to find out more about him and possibly become a couple? If so, then its times to "Say what you mean and mean what you say". You said you would not miss him, but you like him and know he likes you. So put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? I am betting you'd either be irritated that someone could be so heartless and hurt your feelings or you might be very dissapointed if you really were hoping to have a stronger clue that a person is open to the idea of dating. Apparently, neither of you are giving each other any really firm clues. So he thought to ask if you would miss him. You may have answered correctly, in that it is kind of hard to miss the absence of someone with whom you don't have anything more than a flirting relationship at work, its not a firm relations with deepened feelings for each other. But I'll bet you DO realize he was hoping to hear you say yes, you'll miss him so he'd have a clue of wether he has a chance with you when he gets back.
So if you want to date him, then the answer could have been, "No, I don't think I would miss you, as right now you are just a co worker and a friend. But if you were hoping I would miss you, can I assume you are interested in dating me and if so, I am open to that idea. So just come out and ask cus the flirting isn't enough of a clue for me." This would be his chance to confirm or say, um no...I was just playing around and just being my regular friendly self. To use the word 'bloody' with your name shows he was probably irritated with you. I can only guess why. Maybe for not figuring out he likes you? But I'd be cautious to be sure if getting together with him that there isn't more of short tempered signals, being easily irritated, etc as that would not make a pleasant or the best dating partner.
Now if you have no romantic designs on him, just tell him. "By your frustrated and disaappointed response to my answer, can I safely assume you have romantic interest in me and would like to date? Cus if so, I need to let you know That tho I like you as a co worker, I don't feel that way towards you in return. This way, you get to the root of the issue, you don't make yourself look dumb even if wrong but actually more self confident to be able to come out and ask such a thing, and you won't be left wondering what it all mentions. It is certainly within your right as far as social norms and manners to ask his intentions and to make himself more clear to you.

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I'm a 13 year old boy so why is my chest so small?

Hon, You are perfectly normal at this point. Just because some boys may seem to have a little more muscle at this point is also normal. I am adding a link to an article directed towards parents so they can know their child is normal. I can explain a lot to you. It goes over the stages of growth process during puberty and lists the years for it, different for girls than boys. The article mentions puberty for boys as generally being anywhere from 9 1/2 to 13 1/2 and girls from 9 to 11 although I as a female didnt start seeing change until 11-12 and no period until 14.

Here it is: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Physical-Development-Whats-Normal-Whats-Not.aspx

And that same article has links to two more, one on what to expect changes in a boy:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Physical-Development-Boys-What-to-Expect.aspx

and Concerns boys have during puberty:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Concerns-Boys-Have-About-Puberty.aspx

The only thing mentioned about a boys breast/chest is that for some a lump may form for a few months under one or both nipples, making it look just like the way a girl starts the breast growth process. However in a few months it disappears. this is the only concern they mention as lack of muscles is a given if not in puberty yet or just starting. All these body changes occur over a long time period. And I can tell you as an older female that the way guys bodys look in their twenties even, make them appear to me as still looking like youngsters. From experience, men haven't really filled out into their fully mature adult male look until somewhere in their 30s. I have photos to prove it. Family, husband, brothers, cousins who in 20s looked like a fully developed male until compared later to himself at 36-38 and yes there is much more filling out that occured, shoulders broadened and muscles grew even more and facial or body hair increased beyond what there was before. My current husband had a hairless body until over his 30s it slowly increased until one day looking back he realized he was more hairy and still gaining more hair. No, the hair thing doesnt happen to all but body changes can still occur. You may be just barely starting puberty. The sexual changes come first and the rest of body later. I know it is bothersome to look younger than you want to at this age but believe me, late bloomers always catch up. Once we're adults, no one will ever know how long it took for you to get there and no one cares. However, a late bloomer is also very slow at the aging process too unless there is a medical concern that makes a person age faster. Even though I wasn't ugly as a teen, I was prettier in my 30s than all the girls who were prettier than me and more developed as a teen. Some of the boys who developed quickly and were the jocks in HS at my reunion were halfway balding and had extra weight and some even more wrinkles. I was very surprised at what 10 yrs could do. You may not like being a late bloomer right now but when you've got more experience in life, in sex too, you're going to enjoy the attention and looks you get when in your 40s and 50s and people don't think you are the age you say you are because you look younger. Ever notice how we assume some people are a certain age by how they look. Like a gal who said she was my age looked 15 yrs older cus of medical problems. I get more looks at my age from men e ven tho I have a husband I am devoted to, than ever before because I'm at the age bracket when most people begin to lose their looks due to age, and I am still gaining them. Yes, I dont look 30 anymore but for my year, I rule finally now in older years. I am sure you will too in time. You'll just have to have patience as most likely there is nothing wrong with you. If at 18, 19 you dont have a hint of any muscles starting and can't see a difference of photos of you as 13 compared to 18, then its time to see a Dr to see if you have some condition that can be corrected.

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About 4 months ago I was 13 wks pregnant and had an unexpected miscarriage. It was days after finding my best friend since 6th grade and my childs father naked in our bed together when I came home (they swore nothing happened--that they were just really drunk and . So, I blamed the miscarriage on him. He thought that I had gotten an abortion or done something to hurt the baby (never would I have done that). Well... Long story short, my child's father & I split up and I slept with my ex 2 times. When I came back to him I told him what I had done. Well, he told me in order for him to forgive me that I had to quit my job, pack up and move to sc with him for a job offering that he had gotten... & I needed to get pregnant again. So, I did it. Well, after I got pregnant he finally told me that he had slept with my best friend. We were so close. My kids called her aunt & I was her sons godmother. We have always been so close. I even used to tell her that she is the only person in the world I would ever trust to lay naked next to my husband. We were inseparable. I'm not sure why she did what she did to me. But it hurts. I feel so betrayed by both of them. On top of it, my child's father told me that I need to come clean with whatever else I am hiding because he "KNOWS there is more"... Well, there is absolutely nothing more that I am hiding from him. No secrets. I wish there was a way to prove that to him, but I can't. Other than to continues flu tell him that I am telling the truth. I have told him absolutely everything! I have no secrets anymore and I should feel great about it. But, he is making me feel terrible... Like I am lying to him and still hiding stuff from him. He says I just need to come clean for closure or we will never move on from this and we will never be happy again. It is making me resent him as the days go by. I hate the fact that I have told him every little secret and he still doesn't believe me. I hate that he will never find closure because he has his mind set that I am still hiding stuff. I think if I stay, he will eventually cheat again because he thinks I am still hiding stuff from him. I can't deal with it again. But I also do not want to miss out on the amazing life we could have together if he would just let me prove to him that there are no secrets. We have potential to be great. A happy loving godly family who should and would be forgiven for the sins they have confessed. I don't know whether to stay or walk away. Please help!

Your womens intuition is working really well dear. You may not understand why you feel this way but you need to learn to trust it even if you don't understand. I'll explain using your words and give my impression of what I see going on.

"I hate that he will never find closure because he has his mind set that I am still hiding stuff. I think if I stay, he will eventually cheat again because he thinks I am still hiding stuff from him.

My first husband, the guy I married at 20, ended up having mental illness. There are certain behaviors that were subtly there when I met him but I didn't know to take them as a warning to not associate with him. He wasn't as bad in the beginning, bad enough tho and he got worse as he got older and never got diagnosed with mental illness. Many mentally ill people manage to hide their mental illness and function fairly well in society. However something about his behavior after 7 yrs in began to irritate employers and he kept losing jobs for what seems like normal reasons, downsizing co. last hired, first out. This is nothing compared to how he treated me emotionally and verbally. So I will make the comparisons here, for what its worth, I may be wrong about one issue but there are too many about your guy.

HIS MIND IS SET: This could mean that he is a person who feels he is always right even when he is wrong. Or he may know that he isn't quite normal and it scares him so in order to not allow others to get close enough to him to really begin to look at him under a microscope to see all his flaws and possibly unearth this very thing he is afraid of, he will point the finger at others, creating a problem or situation in his mind and not just tell you, but eventually he'll be telling plenty of others, even in front of you, that you are the problem. This is a self defense mechanism, of trying to get other peoples focus off him to placing their focus on you. And usually this thing a person is afraid of discovering, same reason people with a heart condition don't go to a doctor even tho they know something is wrong with them, they are afraid of having their fears confirmed, that they have an issue that requires medical intervention.

HIS MIND SET THAT I AM HIDING STUFF: Well it should be obvious, there is a lack of trust. Funny thing about Trust and Love, those are things that can't be proven by words, by sharing stories, or coming clean if there really was anything to admit in the first place. He only knows how to make himself sound convincing as if he is a very knowledgable person and knows what he is talking about, as if he has credibility, another thing people do to cover up whatever it is that lays hidden in them that they are afraid of having confirmed to themselves and others.
Trust for example is gained by being around a person often enough to see, witness, experience that person's consistancy of being exactly who they say they are or are insinuating they are. I am now remarried, and the 2nd husband wasn't going to be a mistake for me as the first, and I knew now what warning signs to look for. I spent every day either talking on phone or in person hanging out with him, not doing the regular dates to dinner or movies but just being together to get a feel of who he represented himself to be and see if he consistantly acted that way and treated me that way without once changing or even twice changing or slipping up. Example...He would never tear me down with words,or ever raise his voice to me. thats who he is as a male, and so he said in his first contact also via dating site. I was with him at times that something didn't go right with his day, or when he was sick, and not feeling well, or stressed out, etc...the usual times one of us in frustration and a need to calm down need to release pressure...which was always released by using me with the ex. My new husband has never done that in 7 years. Have I witnessed him getting irritated or stressed? Oh yes...plenty of times as he is a highly functioning Autistic but it fluctuates, the times when he can't handle too much input or things that go wrong and he will calmly let me know that he is stressed right now and to please give him his space until he has calmed down. He has never directed his frustration at me, blamed me,or belittled me. He might go to a whiny voice only when over stressed but even then talks endearingly to me, "Sweetheart, I just can't handle this right now cus I am stressed. I love you but I can't really be there for you to really listen to your story right now. Could this wait? " See, there is a difference, he has proven to me over time that I can trust him in so many different ways and areas of relationship and how he is treating me, by his actions, not words is the real proof of how he loves me. Love like trust can be spoken I love you or I trust you but without the actual proof of a persons actions and how they treat you, the words are empty, hollow and mean nothing.
Lets go back to the beginning where you said
"... Finding my best friend since 6th grade and my childs father naked in our bed together."
So the excuse was that they were drunk? Heres 2 ways to look at it. ONe: They were lying and having an affair. Two: Told the truth but there is still the issue of being the kind of person who would put themselves in the position of not being in control of themselves mentally speaking, not able to make good decisions. And alcohol will lower inhibitions and bring out that in you which lays buried and hidden when you are sober. You've heard of the funny and silly harmless drunks and the mean nasty, scary, threatening ones. Well, when his inhibitions were down due to alcohol, the real him, who he is at core, his core values and morals and beliefs, etc. came to the surface and he put himself in a very compromising situation, perhaps even hoping something would happen even if it didn't (altho to tell the truth, I don't beleive that unless the alcohol caused him to not be able to get it up, there's plenty else they could have done together).So when drunk, he flirted with danger, by being a bit too friendly with your best friend, going over the lines. Unless all of you are nudists and its normal for you to be found nude together in all sorts of situations, I'd say, this really isn't one of them.

I BLAMED THE MISCARRIAGE ON HIM: I don't know if you were just thinking this or actually said it to him but if speaking the words of blame, heres what you need to know. When there is blame to owned, most adults do not like being told they have done wrong, made a mistake or are the blame for an event. We all get our dander up and will resist instantly what ever the other is saying. If you spoke out, it might be better to learn to use tact in what you want to accomplish and getting a clear picture in your mind of what you actually want to accomplish. Blaming didn't bring back the child. Did you believe that blaming would prevent this from happening again, even if the blame was only in your mind? Heres what I see. Stress is the cause of most all problems within a person whether the stress affects you on an emotional level, a physical level or both. My exs treatment of me caused stress on a physical level, migraines, total body itchy stress rashes, and stomach ulcers to name a few. Cancer and Heart attack are also caused by stress in many cases, not all tho.
Don't worry hon,when I was in my bad marriage, in the beginning when I was young, I made the mistakes of blaming or trying to defend myself when verbally attacked. After some time, I realized that even if I used tact, didn't blame him back and only tried to use logic to get through to him, it didn't work. I know now what I didn't then, logic will work on a person with a normal mind but not on many mental ill people. I confirmed that later in life as a caregiver for mentally ill people, two different clients and tho I tried, logic didn't work on them either.So he wasn't directly the cause, just indirectly and it was the stress that may have caused the natural aborting of the child but then again, it may not have been and just been a coincidence occuring at the same time. Drs dont really have a way of knowing the reasons why or causes to a natural aborting of a fetus. They can only guess. But his deciding that you had gotten an abortion is another example of how he really doesnt know you or trust you. Not a good choice in a mate.

"my child's father & I split up and I slept with my ex 2 times." Splitting up was the smartest thing you could have done. It was for me too. But I found that I was tested after that by meeting two other men thru dating site who seemed promising and hid their real selves successfully only until the third date for one and about 4 months for the other. Once I saw the signs, would I cave in and stay, believin I couldnt find anything better, or that it was my fate in life to have to put up with the duds, or what it some kind of karma? All I knew was that I'd rather be alone than go through that circus again. I don't know why you went back to an ex. Maybe, you just needed to feel validation from a male source that you are not only a wonderful woman but a desirable female. However if he's an ex, depending on the issues there, that probably wasnt the best choice. However, when you split up with the babys dad, there was no longer a promise or commitment to him, it was canceled so in truth you were free to be with anyone you wanted to and were not in the wrong, even if lets say you split over silly issues, nothing important and it was a good guy and you went back to him and you both are getting counseling for the relationship. That's just a what if to explain what I am saying and it is not your circumstance, not even remotely. It doesnt matter who initiated the break up, ending a relationship is final to whatever promise and vows there were. So you had nothing to be forgiven by the first guy for. For him to tell you that he wouldn't forgive you unless you jumped through his hoops was simply his controlling your mind. He talks about forgiveness, making you instantly feel guilty, even though you on your own shared with him what happened in your life while you were away. You didn't owe him that as a way to get back together. Then he gives you a list of requirements you must meet for him to accept you back??? I can't see why you fell for it. Perhaps he has some way or psychically persuading you or even others. There is such a gifting but if in the hands of a corrupt person or the mentally ill, it's always going to affect those in his life in bad, terrible ways, being controlling rather than living your own life. No one can control you dear unless you give that person the control. Yes, I did that too with my ex but it didnt feel like it and thats why it happens so often. Lets put it this way. Lets say you left a job where the boss was sexually harassing you. You went back to an old job but quit after a short time, and instead of looking for a new job elsewhere, you went back to the old boss maybe hoping things could be better this time and told him you went back to a competitor in the field of what his company does. He says that he will not take you back, that he can't trust you unless you agree to do the following things. this part is the verbal negotiation of his telling you what you need to do to be in his life and you agreeing to it. LEts say one of the things on the list, is that you have a sexual affair with him and have his baby, even though you aren't sure he isn't still having an affair with one of the gals at work that everyone suspected was in his bed by the very incriminating circumstances and events they saw. So would you really decide to take that old job back and jump through all the hoops the Old boss gives you, including giving him sex and a baby? If so, then hon, I can't help you right now because you need to have an entirely different set of self esteem and gain the self confidence you lack in yourself as a female and how you have a right to have your own demands, your own borders and a right to be with a good man.
So the reason you feel so terrible is because this is all you are being bombarded with and without at least twice a much good compliments from others to offset the bad, you are going to wallow in the bad and continue to go downhill. A controller will never go after a female to be in relationship with who is a wise and self confident woman because she frankly would never put up with this shit and its too much hard work and trouble for him to get her to bend to his will. He subtly tries to break a woman down, humiliate her, belittle, hurt her and then take away all the people or places of any kind of security she might have like family, friends, job, etc. which he has done. Oh boy, he sounds like the classic manipulator if not having the mental illness of being a controller.
So when you say: I think if I stay, he will eventually cheat again because he thinks I am still hiding stuff from him", that once again is your womans intuition telling you that he is not good news and to get away now.

Then you say: I also do not want to miss out on the amazing life we could have together if he would just let me prove to him that there are no secrets.

Hon, do you see in this sentence where he has already twisted your mind into producing distorted thoughts by how he's treating you and what he demands? You just said IF HE WOULD LET ME PROVE TO HIM THAT THERE ARE NO SECRETS, when I've already told you that there's no way to prove trust. He is demanding something of you that you can not give him and even if you were consistant, he is not a person with a normal mind to be able to pick up on it over time to realize that you are indeed trustworthy. If I asked you to walk on water, could you do it? Just because I asked and I insisted that you do so to prove something to me? No you couldn't because its not possible and you'd be tormenting yourself over wishing you were able to do so. Honey, its absolutely nuts.
If you want a happy loving Godly family, you have to find another guy cus you aint gonna have it with him.


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How can I stop being shy about taking off my shirt in front of girls?

You are likely feeling the same pressure girls do about their looks and whether anyone will still find you cute or attractive with the shirt off. Here's an article about it called "Body Image pressure Increasingly affects Boys". Please read it all as it may well explain what you are feeling.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/body-image-pressure-increasingly-affects-boys/283897/

In the article, they don't go into boys worries in puberty of the size of their genitals but that is also included. Come to think of it, adult males can be still concerned over that. The problem is they have seen the size of men in porn movies or heard about it and the guys are usually 10 or more inches along. Keep in mind what the article says about men with the chiseled bodies of superheros or action figure toys and in reality, only 1 to 2% of males actually have that body type. It is very rare and I would assume the 2% also includes the rarity of size in genitals.

The reality is that your body is going to continue to change and grow if you are young, middle school or HS. In fact, many college age men are not yet the complete adult male figure they will be for the rest of their life as certain subtle changes in their looks are still occuring. Case in hand, my husband had his mature shape in his twenties but it wasnt until into his early 30s that he began to grow body hair, more than the little he had for shaving and what hairs were on his chest, He grew hair excessively over his entire body and it grows long, an inch in some places, but up to 3 1/2 inches long on the chest. A furry man. What he looks like now does not resemble the male he was at 22 or 12.

Let me share something else about change and maturing in the human body that may help you. The human brain has a part that lags behind in becoming fully mature and thus workable in helping a person with judgement, decisions, and being able to see into the future, possible repercussions from any thing they decide to do, etc. This prefrontal cortex isn't done growing say scientists, until the mid 20s. So for most its 25, 26 and for others it takes even longer to start making good decisions, more like hitting 30.
This fact in young people, kids and teens means that you can not expect your peers to understand what I am telling you. They won't just have the common sense and common conclusions an intelligent person would have from observing the environment and other people closely to know that ones genes do decide for you what body type you will have, including size of genitals and chest. I am in my fifties and can tell you that personally I find the super muscles of a body builder with a 6 pack to look unnatural and actually ugly to me. I admire much more the men with leaner muscles. Their muscles are toned as they work out but they don't add bulk. I have had the discussion with many females, adults of course but they all say the same thing. So if the media is pushing a certain image of what women find sexy in a male and real women are saying the opposite, then something must obviously be wrong.
It may not even be the media image of a male you are going after but you have a fear of being teased or laughed at when you take your shirt off, and that is why I mentioned the immaturity of the brain in all young people. Their bodies mature long before the brain does which can often lead to dangerous conclusions if not deadly ones.

The one thing missing in almost all teens cus I remember myself at that time, is self confidence. We all want to be liked and accepted and have a fear that we won't be. On top of it all I suffereed severa social anxiety as a kid and teen until my last yr HS when I decided I was so sick and tired of being so scared and fearful of other and what others may think of me that I prayed to God and got an answer as to what to do and that excercise which I followed thru on, cured me of social anxiety. I had some self confidence now but still not enough for when it came to feeling attractive, and secure and happy with my looks when I was a divorced adult later on. I did something called borrowing self confidence. I'd read about it in a magazine article. Although they went about it differently than I did, I am stronger at visualization and came up with a method that worked for me. Before I knew it, I was getting the kind of response where instead of just looks, men and woman would come up to me and comment on my eyes, the one thing I had focused on in this experiment. I felt my own self confidence for the first time and it has grown since. If you'd like me to share more on the self confidence trick, I'd be glad to tell you, just ask.

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Can boys wear short shorts?

Of course they can. But a word of caution depending on how your 'package' hangs. If you don't wear underwear, or at least a bathing thong, you may want to think about whether anything shows depending on what you are doing at the time. I know a guy I'll call Phil from Florida. In Florida, due to the heat and humidity, most people don't wear underwear or regular shoes and socks. He wore short shorts as did his friend and one day they challenged a pair of girls to a tennis game. None had any idea of the skill level of the another. His friend played poorly though and the girls were doing a bit better. So when ever they laughed,Phil assumed it was because they were losing but. It finally began to irritate him and he asked his friend why he thought these girls might be laughing so much. His friend replied that they were laughing every time Phils balls hung out below the bottom of his shorts which happens basically every time he stretched to hit a ball back. So I would suggest taking an old pair of jeans and turning them into shorts, however short you want by cutting off the legs but remember there needs to be room for your 'stuff'. Try it on and then do stretches, and other movements you'd naturally be doing in them, if roller blading, bicycling, just sitting on a bench with legs wide spread relaxing, check to see if anything shows. While you may not be embarassed to show your stuff, there are enough people in public who will make a fuss or complain.

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All my life ive always been the ugly friend or ugly girl. It doesnt bother me as much anymore cause ive learned to accept it but its the people around me that keep on reminding me about it. Ever since grade 9 people would ask me if i had a brother, i do have a brother but he is 5 years younger than me so it wouldve been impossible for them to refering to him. So i would ask why and they would say i looked like this guy. Now grade 12 i finally figured out who the guy was and hes not really attractive to me so when a girl finally told me i looked like i could be his twin she said dont be offended because hes "Nice" that made me pissed off even more. I just want to know what its like to be the pretty girl im tired of being the girl where when someone jokes about dating me they say ew. In tired of watching my friends have boyfriends and i just stay at the sidelines im tired of guys treating me like im invisible im tired of girls always calling me ugly not directly but its obvious im tired of my dad telling me im pretty everyday because hes aware of my low-self esteem it just makes me feel worse. Also a couple days ago i went prom dress shopping and my dad said your prom is in 3 months and you still dont have a date what is wrong with you i know if it were your sister or brother they wouldve had one by now. News flash dad you have an ugly daughter. Anyways my question is what is it like to be the pretty girl and how can i fix my self esteem, ive tried wearing makeup because my dad and mom always beg me to wear it but i dont knkw the basics to wearing makeup i know that wearing makeuo wont fix my self-esteem in fact if my self-esteem is already low makeuo will probably make me feel more insecure cause then i wouldnt wanna be seen without it. Please help

I am sorry to hear that you are getting comments that are negative instead of building you up. Our teen years we all tend to be fearful of not being accepted and have low self esteem, low self confidence. I have no answer how to stop people being rude and trying to not let it bother you isn't going to help if you are getting constant bad comments. About the only thing that might help a little is what you think of you, with your mind, your thoughts and that means retraining how you think. I've always thought myself to just be average looking. Today my husband actually told me that he had something important to tell me that he thought I might not be aware of. He said I am one of those females who grow prettier with age rather than more plain or old/elderly looking. Not that I wasn't pretty by my pics from my teens, 20s and during child rearing but when most women are losing their looks, that I am gaining them. Now that I've given it some thought, I think that may be the case with many young gals whom others feel look like the ugly duckling from the fairy tale...which when it grew up, wasn't even a duck at all but an elegant swan, ending up looking prettier than all the ducks that teased it before. You may be average looking, not ugly but you will come into your looks more and more as the years pass. I never dated in high school, the guys were too immature for me and never wanted to go to prom...but I dont feel I missed anything. Not having a bf in highschool isn't the worst thing when most of them are too immature yet and any relationships during HS dont last long and crash and burn.

So all I can think of is to say to yourself when you get cruel comments about your looks is to say inside yourself or aloud when alone, 'just wait and see.I may look like the ugly ducking to you right now but someday I will be prettier than you.

Its one thing to be prettied up on the outside as most the girls are but without their makeup and clothes and special hairdo's and nails and perfumes, I'd bet you money that a good chunk of them would freak out and worry about not having friends or bf's if they had to live without it. What it means is that they have a false sense of confidence about themselves. I have seen enough movies on the subject and those stripped of their looks by some freak chance are totally lost, not knowing how to cope. Basically, you and I and everyone else has been tricked since birth into believing what some people at the top in media consider beauty to be. The funny thing is if you go far enough back in history, you will see by paintings and photos that women who were considered beautiful in the past had a totally different standard to match up to. Painting of nude women centuries ago all had small breasts and rounded tummies instead of humongous breasts and flat tummies. Then one upon a time, the stick look was in, being extremely thin and the Twiggy look that your grandparents might recall. The problem with a one look fits all or all must meet that look is totally against people having their own likes or sense of taste or preference, not that theres something wrong with others but each one of us has preferences. Some men, not boys dear, but grown men, have had enough time to discover what their tastes are and some prefer the 'natural look', not hair coloring or makeup and no boob implants or tummie tucks or botoxed lips.
Dustin Hoffman put it correctly that we all have been 'brainwashed' into what we think is a beautiful or handsome person. Take a look at this 3 min. you tube interview of the epiphany he had when preparing for the role of doing the female, Tootsie in a movie. He also breaks down crying to realize how many wonderful women he had never even spoken to because they didn't look beautiful the way he had been brainwashed to believe is beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAat-T1uhE

You are right that makeup won't likely help much in stopping rude comments, even if it did something for your looks because in the minds of others who have also been brainwashed, until they grow up and mature and begin to learn to think for themselves rather than follow where they are led like a dog on a leash, they will continue to remain stuck in their opinions. If your Dad had to be made up to look like a woman for a TV role, and found that no guys turned to whistle at him in the makeup and dressup, I think it would hit him hard just like it did for Dustin Hoffman. The same goes for the guys at school. If the girls had to be dressed to pass for a boy, and had to convince a girl to go out with them to prom, they'd likely not be considered cute or handsome enough and girls would turn them down. It takes a little trick of how your mind looks at it for peoples opinions to start to change, including your own. I wonder what your Dad would think of the Dustin Hoffman interview piece.

You might try you tube for looking at how to's on makeup or hair styling, etc. But what makes a greater impression is having self confidence. I built mine by imagining myself to be confident like an actress I felt I had similar eyes with. I know its hard and a stretch but if you can find even just the shape of your eyes or lips to be the same as that of an actress you like, you can in effect borrow the confidence that such an actress has in front of people. Its on a subconscious level that others pick up on it. Perhaps not HS kids. but i Did this when i diorced, a self confidence boost trick I hoped would help. I don't look anything like the actress even my eyes dont look like hers but I felt they fell in the same classification as expressive, deep set eyes, that are alluring and catch the attention of others, just a different look. You have to believe this part in your head. Which I did. Then everytime i stepped out of the house and into public or another building, I'd picture myself looking like her entirely, as far as attention grabbing and people not able to resist looking at me because they found me beautiful and sexy. Big surprise. Immediately women and men were walking up to me commenting on how pretty my eyes were and most the time I wasn't even wearing makeup. My eyes werent all of a sudden beautiful, it was those invisible vibes of confidence, confidence of an actress that i Borrowed. It was enough for me to not need her anymore in my mind. All it takes is a little boost to get your own self confidence going and this hon was an immediate experiement that began working in days of my practicing visualizing myself as being as pretty and confident as her. I hope you can make use of it. HS kids have the disadvantage of not having a frontal lobe of brain completely done maturing and that hurts judgement and such and isnt mature and done growing until we reach at least age 25 or so. So don't expect this to work on the kids your age but parents, teachers, and other adults I think you could count on watching to see if they pick up on anything being different about you. good luck dear.

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I want a deck but I live in a really religious area. I still live with my parents who think you must be Christian to be moral. I dont live in the Bible belt or anything, it's just my town is super Catholic and the church sticks their noses into everything and are preaching pro life, anti lgbt and other conservative nonsense. 99% of ppl Catholic. I honestly am going to move far away from here when I hit 18. The point is: is it possible and if so how do you do it?

I have used the same principle mentioned to choose the ones that speak to you or you feel most drawn to or even feel some kind of energy connection to. It doesnt apply just to cards for me, but crystals and stones and even books on a shelf.
I know most people do better with a deck they feel attuned to but I have known people who collect decks and have many. And depending on the mood they are in one particular day, will choose a deck accordingly and have used all their decks successfully.
The way I understand it is that your conscious/awake mind is the one desiring to do so, your subconscious mind is the part of you that receives the prompting, directions, or choices, answers from your Super conscious self and passes that info on to your conscious mind.
This is why even if I am not using my own deck, on even one on screen from an online free tarot card drawing site, I am still choosing how many times to shuffle the cards and which ones to choose or click on. I am artistic, so I am drawn to designs on cards that stand out to me. Otherwise, all decks have the same Major and minor arcana. If you are allowed access to a computer, you could try this site:

http://www.ifate.com/

There are people who make their own tarot cards. I may do so one day when a theme for the artwork and the urgency to do so hits me, but as you will see from the link I am posting of one who made her own, its very time consuming and you'd have to have some knowledge of what each of the 78 cards represents to be able to draw the artwork for it. I rely on books for interpretations of my cards although I do sometimes get added stuff just by sight, of what I see on the artwork of a card that means something to me.
You'd have to keep in mind that having the evidence of a self created deck or half done deck sitting around for your Parents to find if they are strict enough to check your room out periodically without notice, like for drugs, and such, then you may not want a deck sitting around for them to discover. But heres that tarot blog.

http://littleredtarot.com/make-your-own-tarot-deck/
And the next link is a company that sells ready to design tarot card stock or gives the dimensions for you to make your own.

Just as an aside, inside of the full perspective of tarot card answers, if you have yes or no questions to ask, it can be done with a pendulum. this would be any string, cord or metal chain with a heavier object at the end of string. In old times, women simply used a needle at the end of a string, or a ring. Even a chain necklace with a pendant at the end will do. The way it works is that your higher self gets the answers and then sends the impulses down the string/chain to make the pendant spin in a circle or move north-south, or east west as it swings. What you first have to tell yourself is what motion is for yes, for no and for maybe. I assigned yes as the up down nodd of yes, the north south swinging of the end. So No is an east west swing like the shaking of ones head no. Then if it spins in a circle, its a maybe. Some assign clockwise spin for yes and counterclock wise for No. Theres isn't a right or wrong way. However you may have to rephrase your question a few times before you even get an answer. And if an answer is stated in a way that involved the will or decision of another person, the outcome can't be given ahead of time as individuals are making up their minds until the last minute and their decisions could be influenced by other people in their life and still go either way. So to ask if so and so will ask you out to the prom, there won't be an answer as it can't be foretold due to choice of will that could go either way. Something that is already in process of happening like someone pregnant and that babies sex already a given, you could ask if it was a boy and get a definite yes or no. I hope you see what I mean. I have two pretty store bought ones. If you have trouble with a metal chain, switch to string because some peoples energys don't mesh well with metal. I knew a woman like that. Her husband and I could do well with chain but her pendulum never moved until I made her a homemade one of cord with a pretty bead from my bead kit. Now for the first time, her pendulum would move.
Heres an ETSY page of pendulums for sale to give you an idea. Then go to a craft store if you want to make a prettier one than with what you have on hand at home and make your own.

Hope this all helps.


http://www.ifate.com/

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Sometimes I'll go to sleep at 10 then wake up at 3 totally awake and filled with energy. Sometimes I hear these voices in my head. I know it's not my own thought sometimes I can't make out what they're saying and they tell me bad things every now and then but I can't sound them out! Why?

I had a brother with this problem and knew another person besides him with same issue. If one hears voices, whether clearly or not, but the general intent is to scare you or tell you bad things or to do bad things, it's usually mental illness and in my experience with the two, it was schizophrenia. A doctor can diagnose and get you on the right medicine for you. There are several and when you have finally found the right one, you can lead a normal life.

I want to explain further that there are people who hear a voice in their head, Gods, when they pray and know its not their own. The difference here is that you have initiated the conversation with God and sometimes after a long time of praying, months, years, you finally are able to hear God speaking back. Not that He wasn't all along, your mind hadn't learned how to recieve his answers yet. Another difference is that God does not mumble or make words unintelligible, so this can't be GOd, whats happening with you. He also does not tell people bad things or to do bad things as He is perfect and good and would not say such things to you, so again, it must be a mental illness. Hon, don't worry that you are imperfect or bad yourself, there are many people in the world with mental illness today and there are medicines that can help many lead normal lives.

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You answered a question I had posted a few months ago. I apologize I am just getting back to you know but I would really love to hear more about our experiences and your families experiences with spiritual gifts I guess I could put it. I wish there was a way for me to email you but I am not quite sure how. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I have tried looking for someone who may be able to help me strengthen my connection because of course if I can help people I want to but I haven't had much luck so any help would be more than appreciate! Any recommendations etc & I will definitely be looking into learning more about pagan practices etc. Thank you again!

I do have an email I set up with a fake name, as I feel its safer. Since we would likely be writing back and forth a couple times, it might be easier to do so by email. So if you wish, and have an email yourself, you can write to luna.nebulosa@yahoo.com

Or if you'd rather continue on here let me know and ask what specifiy you;d like to hear first, familys experiences, my personal change. I am s till learning and growing myself but willing to encourage any choosing to follow this path of developing spiritually and in giftings.

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So I'm a new Wiccan and I'm wondering where do Wiccans and Pagans go to meet up and do spiritual stuff? Like Christians have a church, Jewish people a temple, Muslims a mosque, etc. In my opinion the reason theists attend these things are to be social. I could be a soliditary practicer, but it would be much better if I could do ceremonies and the such with other people. So where do Wiccans/Pagans go?

Some metropolitan areas have very little in meet up groups or organized circles for pagans. But the internet is the best way to find them. If there are any metaphysical bookshops, shops that sell spiritual but not religious stuff, that would also be a good place to look. Thats what I did, find the shops and start talking to the clerk and asking what groups there are in the area and how to contact them. Shops like this often call in tarot card readers, reiki healers etc to hold classes if they have the space. Everyone I traveled to after leaving my ex, I found groups via the internet. Even in the bible belt area you can find them but they aren't as highly advertised on the net, You'd have to find the shops and get leads from there.
Another thing to try on line is meetup.com and you'd have to search each main tab and then each sub description like outdoors stuff, or health related, or relationships, etc and keep checking out further sub sections until you come across pagan related events. I live in a big city and there are meetup groups listed in there. You'd get groups by your city or zip code area. Give it a try. If you have no luck, let me know and maybe I can help you further.

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I am an ex-catholic. After leaving, at 10 maybe, I was an atheist until about 12 when I found Wiccanism and Paganism, and I really felt like I fit in and found new faith. Now I've read some articles about how Christianity and all forms of christianity are declining rapidly and religions such as Buddhism, Islam, Wiccanism/Paganism and the such are growing drastically on the other hand. Islam isn't really my cup of tea, but I've met Muslims I respect and if that's the right path for you go for it. Buddhism I find admirable. Wiccanism attracted me like a magnet because all it's beliefs aligned to mine, I especially loved the idea of a God AND Godess. I also thought it was a much less strict, basically if it won't hurt anybody, you could do it when in the Bible it is super strict but doesn't persecute things such as slavery and rape. I left Christianity because I did not feel welcome as a homosexual women and it's views stopped fitting me like they once did. I notice many catholics and christians are leaving the religion extremely fast. About 99% of the kids in catholic school are there because their parents make them and the priests are desperately trying to appeal. A majority of conversations about spirituality I have begin with the person saying,"growing up I was Christian but now..." It is pretty sweet to see Paganism and Wiccanism, religions that were feircly being pushed out bounce back. I think the internet is the cause. Now many Wiccans and Pagans could interact and reach out, and new converts can learn all about our God and Godess, beliefs, majick, etc while laying comfortably in their bed in pajamas eating snacks. I also feel that theres more tolerance (not for Islam, unfourtanetly), of course there is a long way to go. But I want other's opinions: what's your opinion on what is causing the rise of Islam, Buddhism, and Wiccanism/Paganism? Why do you think Christianity is suffering while the other 3 are gaining every day?

I can't speak for Islam as I know nothing about the religious belief but am much more familiar with the Ananda religion based on teachings of both Yogi's and Jesus, also the Universalists and some Buddhism besides Christian background. I haven't been involved with church people from organized religion, (Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Baptist, etc) for quite some time so I can't say I have really noticed the decline there, only the increase for the others. Whether all come from Christianity or they were those with no opinion before who finally had a spiritual awakening, I can not say. But everywhere I read, articles, on the web, I hear many say that this age we live in is one of great Spiritual awakening in people, and this isn't coming as reports from Christian churches but more the New agers, Spiritual rather than religious groups. I do see more interest around me from people to seek something greater than themselves, find something that finally answers all the questions Christianity created, and a growing concern to really connect and love the earth and all its inhabitants as our sisters and brothers. there are more groups without religion or any agenda reaching out to help those in need, the pay it forward concept, etc... so I can see the hunger and desire in people for something that works better for them than Christianity. The Christian faith is not all bad, there is a lot of good in it. It has the same problem as any belief systems out there . The problem is that all have some part of the truth, but each one has a varied nugget of truth, not the same one as the other. On the other hand, All of them also have some misconceptions or all out twisted lies which differ among the beliefs. One would have to spend a good chunk of ones life in a belief system to begin to see its shortcomings easily. Since most my life was Christian, my thoughts are that they tend to think and act inside the box...meaning very limited. When one wants to explore God beyond the walls of the box, you simply told that only whats inside the box is true and good and has Gods stamp of approval and everything outside the box is evil and of the devil. Many of the concepts in CHristianity require a blind belief, meaning you simply 'choose' to believe something without more deeply exploring everything about it yourself to see whether it all adds up and makes sense. Then if you do finally have questions and do ask, the pastor/elders have no answer or one that is unsatisfactory and creates more questions than answering the one, and you are told to simply believe and not doubt, to show your faith and trust in God, etc... I've heard many versions of it. I can't say whether people in other faiths have ever felt the same thing, just my past experiences. Your idea of the internet may be part of the rise of interest in other areas spiritually. The internet is like the best updated encyclopedia at our fingertips and we no longer have to get just the right phrase to get hits on a search. I just put in a phrase or short sentence and get hits pop up right away. So the ease and simplicity of obtaining information could be one but not the only one.

Dissatisfaction in peoples lives is enough to start them seeking elsewhere for truth and they been reading, searching, keeping their eyes and ears open. Some actively start studying other faiths while others wait until they meet or bump into others who have a faith other than CHristianity and begin to ask questions. And then, there is the way it happened for me, led out of Christianity by the Holy Spirit herself, as I now recognize Her as the Goddess or the Lady part in the recognized Lord and Lady of pagan beliefs. Both the same to me. A person has to evolve to the point that finally in one lifetime their soul has matured enough to actually feel and have a desire to seek out a spiritual path, that there must be something greater that created it and if so, what is my purpose here? That is not an instant thing and may take lifetimes for a soul to get to that point. I feel that from what others are saying that perhaps many feel that a good majority of mortals living on the planet right now are souls who have gotten to this point of wakening up spiritually. What clicks with them, what they come across first may be their first step into spirituality. To grow spiritually, it is God or Goddess themselves working in each individual either active conversations back and forth where They are recognized, or just as whispered thoughts that a person think is their own thoughts in their head to start seeking. Mine was the active convo's with Goddess. When she asked as the Holy Spirit I still called her during my church days, she said "Would you believe me if I told you reincarnation is real?" That one thing is something the whole Christian faith is wrapped up in, one life only to get it right or we go to Hell. Well, if we got more lifetimes to get it right, it was instant realization that left me with nothing to stand on, as I knew that meant Jesus didn't die for my sins and so on. Its things like all this that cause people to look elsewhere when it comes to beliefs.

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Hello there! So I've been questioning my sexuality for quite a while now, and I just can't find anything online that fits. The closest is asexual, but I don't know??? I should first mention that I am female. I do in fact experience sexual attraction, although I don't desire it AT ALL. I would however, love a romantic relationship. I'm so confused honestly. I went from thinking I was straight, to poly, to pan, to bi, to aro, to ace. Can you experience sexual attraction and still be asexual? I'm sexually attracted to all genders, hence the reason for thinking I was pansexual. Romantically, I'm attracted to all but females. But I do not want sex. I find it stupid and unappealing. I don't even know what to think anymore?? I've never been in a relationship also. Could you please help me organize my thoughts and figure this out? It's been a mystery for months bleh

Hi dear. I cant say I have any answers for you but there is an article based on a book coming up about asexuality from the authors experiences. You might want to read it as she mentions a term called graysexual, besides asexual. Here is that link: http://time.com/2889469/asexual-orientation/

If you decide you don't fit either label and nothing else seems to fit, then perhaps you are a version of sexual preferance that has not yet been termed or studied yet.
I am hetero-sexual myself but I can say that tho there are women I might find very attractive, it is not sexual attraction. Its not a fear of it. I once tried sex with a mature woman and though we both were successful at making each other have an orgasm, it was just the mechanics of sex, going through the motions, getting results but not feeling any level of emotional or spiritual/energy attachment as I do with men. I have known a few bi women and from their varied stories, some thought they were gay until they met the one and only male that they could feel attraction to and enjoy sex with. Otherwise she didn't like men at all.
I do find it interesting that you say there is sexual attraction but no desire in sex. If you say it is so, I believe you. There are many strange things in this world I haven't yet heard of. I don't know your age, but I can tell you that in my first marriage, married at age 20, I found that tho I might have initially felt some attraction, it was more something called new relationship energy which can mimic real attraction and desire but fizzles out quickly, just like the toy you desired as a kid for Christmas and once you got it, after a couple days or weeks you totally lost interest in it. That happens to countless people. I was also sexually mismatched with the ex. Low libido for him, high for me, and neither of us could inspire sexual desire in each other. I loved the idea of romance, could feel sexual desire if I saw other men who caught my eye, but in general felt sex was all hyped up to be so special like in movies and romance stories and that sex wasn't interesting at all. My issue at that young age, was that I had not yet had any real good sexual experience with a really good match for a sex partner. It wasn't until after a divorce that I started dating and trying sex with other guys that I realized what I had been missing. But at this point I was in my mid forties before I met guys who could give me multiple orgasms and really satisfy me sexually. I do not know if this might be the case for you, that every experience has been totally unsatisfying. For every person out there, there are just as many different sexual experiences or lack of them or misconceptions. Most my exploring I didn't do until my forties. What I knew when younger was very little. If you want just romance but no sex, I have read that some asexuals are like that. But to find someone like that to be in relationship with is going to be harder than finding someone who is gay or bisexual. there are LGBT dating sites. You might check them out and if free, post something on there asking if anyone on there is asexual. It may be the only way to get what you are after. Good luck

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so im girl , 3rd in high school and i really like one guy from my school ...he´s in 4th year..so he´s a year older than me....we dont know each other...i only see him during breaks in hallways sometimes...i dont know how to get his attention bc he´s always surronded by his friends..i wrote him valentine message but he probably doesnt know it was me who wrote it....i also send him friend request on fb and texted him but he hasnt accepted it nor responded to my text on fb..i really dont know how to get noticed by him....so i really want my friend about this guy but i dont know how to star because im shy..i really trust my friend (girl)...so i dont mind telling her i have crush on someone i just dont know how to start...please help me :)

If you want this info kept private and not shared beyond you two, then you have to state so.
Therefore the best way to start is to say, "Hey, I have something I would like to tell you but It must stay between you and me, no sharing with others. The reason I want you to know is because I trust you and value your opinion and input.

Then just tell her.

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Hi,
It's been a couple of months since my ex and I broke up. I was going through a lot, and at least I thought she was going through a lot, so I decided that it wouldn't be any good to continue to purse the relationship. I'll give you some background...

I'm a senior in college and she's a freshman, so I have a lot more on my plate than she does, between graduating on time, making the grades, and working with internships. It's been absolutely crazy for me. And I noticed that something was not ok with me because of the huge amount of workload I've been taking up. I didnt see my family doctor until after our relationship but it turns out that I have ADD and my anxiety is off the charts. But while we were dating, she told me a lot of stuff about herself. Things like how her father abused her when she was younger and that she told her mother and her mother didn't believer her or do anything about it. But he recently passed away and she didn't go to his funeral, which wasn't okay with her mom, and she was pissed off about how her mom was trying to make her go. The weekend of that day, she went out and spent the weekend with her friends and partied, and I pretty much lost contact with her for the whole weekend. Sunday comes by and she texts me and comes over to my place to tell me that she was out drinking with her friend and got arrested for being a minor in possession of alcohol, and she basically "took" care of it somehow, without telling her parents. Well, eventually those papers backtracked anyway. And then a couple of weeks later, I lost contact with her again and she said she got into a really bad car accident and totaled her car which was the other drivers fault. And her parents found out about her being in jail so her mom fought mental custody over her because while she was in the hospital she was under medication and she had told the doctor that she was schizophrenic which was new to her mother and her family (Hence her mom fighting mental custody over her). And that she was going to send her to a mental hospital in missouri or somewhere in georgia and she had to convince her mom to let her finish that semester of school.

I haven't talked to her since we had that conversation but I told her that I was also moving because I couldn't live in the current apartment complex that I was living in. I roomed with two other people and they partied almost every day and always had people over. I couldn't get any sleep and living in the kind of condition that place was, I really had to leave. So when she told me that she was leaving school and possibly georgia I said okay, and I told her i was moving too. I really didn't have the capacity to be upset that she was in the situation she was in because I was going through my own pains. And I asked her if she even ever liked me or was just playing games, and she said yes... but I don't believer her anyway. So I let her go.

It's the next semester now, and I've seen her in the car driving from or to school because we go to the same college. I saw her once in her friends car for a ride, and then driving back to the apartment I think I saw her in her own car, so I'm thinking that she lied to me about the car accident because nothing was wrong with it from what I saw, just that both the wheels on the driver side were spare tires. I'm confused about why she broke up with me the way she did saying that her mom was going to send her to a mental institution instead of just breaking up with me like a normal person? It feels like the way she broke up with me was such a disgrace when she could've just told me she didn't want to continue our relationship. It seems like she made up such a huge lie to not be with me anymore and I'm not sure why she had to go through all of that for a break up. I see her checking my snapchat every now and then and every time I see it I just want to tell her to fuck off. When she could've texted me to tell me that she's staying in georgia or that her mom's not sending her to a mental institution, or that she's going to be continuing school. Just, what the fuck? It leaves me so pissed off because I didn't want to pursue a relationship, but she pursued me and then when she had me, she decided that she didn't want me. It's annoying and stupid. Not only that but the way she broke up with me, saying that she was getting sent away, was such a major disgrace because I'm still friends with the people that I room with and they see her on the complex every now and then. I'm just so confused, beyond words as to why she left like that.

Something about her does not add up. My belief is that you should consider yourself lucky that things turned out as they did. This world is full of people with mental illnesses, anxieties, depression and all sorts of other not so good things that can easily interfere with how well a relationship works if at all. Some are on meds and others like my ex was highly functioning out in society but at home or when alone with family or a mate, its down time and time to let the pressures of trying to come off as normal just go. Unfortunately how people with issues do that can vary. Some lie, make up outrageous stories, point the finger and place blame on others, demand others do as they say or throw royal fits which can include becoming verbally or physically abusive and generally just using some innocent person in their life as the one they just dump on.
I had an ex like that. This girl sounds like a good candidate for fitting that profile. Since a relationship that goes on for years and decades with such a person is a very painful and unhappy one, again I say you are lucky that for whatever reason, you are no longer with her. If you can change your line of thinking from "its terrible how she broke up with me" to "I am lucky that she is no longer in my life." then you will find your mind finally comes to a place of peace.

Let me share another piece of info that may help you put things in perspective so you not only can let go what others like this do to you in life but to understand there is always some reason why people do what they do. If not mental illness, perhaps, to them, it's their idea of normal due to how they were raised, the examples they grew up with, or they are just immature and need a lot more time than others to catch up and grow up to act like an adult.
Here's something else that can determine whether a person makes good decisions or not or is unable to see the possible problems looming up if they choose a particular path. Teens do this and quite a few college age too and its all because of the frontal lobe of the brain. In humans, it is the last thing of the body to come to full mature development which means that until the age of 25 as scientists have given as a general age, tho I have seen others take about 3,4 more years for this to happen, the young person are actually in a way handicapped temporarily until their brain matures. This is often an underlying cause for rash decisions, making no sense, taking risks, and lack of skill in getting along with others, etc. This also may be the case for her and she may not have a brain mature enough to negotiate a serious relationship until she is 29, 30 if not earlier. Not everyone matures at the same rate. Remember even for puberty, there were those early, on time and late bloomers. Mentally, she just may be a late bloomer. Whatever the reason, if you are ready to date seriously, you need a mature lady, someone more at the same level as you of maturity. If you'd rather not date, then no worry.

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I am 16 and I'm a female. i moved to a new town about 8 months ago and I've made amazing new friends and I love them. My best friend from my old town gets jealous of my new friends and she was being rude to one of my new friends online so I defended my new friends and not her. I called her immature and she is very upset with me now. How should I tell her it was her fault and she shouldn't have been rude? I don't want to apologize because I feel I did nothing wrong

Do you like being corrected, by parents, teacher, friends, etc... Its not a good feeling at all to be corrected whether the person correcting us is in the right or wrong about it.
Thats how human beings are dear..at any age. So what you need to learn in life which will take years to perfect, is using tact, when talking to someone, to pass on info, to remember to put yourself in their shoes. And I have also learned to use myself as an example, telling stories of a time where I faced the same situation and how I handled it. If I handled it bad, what did I learn to do instead better, or if I handled it good, how did it make others feel.

So lets say it was you who got jealous when your old friend starts talking about a new best friend of hers. You want to have contact with her new friend and you say some things that are hurtful to her new friend so your old friend tells you that was rude, and what you think about this new friend isn't true and you are rude. That makes you upset to be told you were rude. You're mad at her and she believes she was right. See the situation, feel yourself playing the characters in reverse. What feelings come up? How would you feel if it happened to you.
Hon, I understand you are just 16, but situations like this are going to come up in life over and over. Now is the perfect time to start to learn how to handle situations of conflict. There are great books on handling specific conflicts. But in this case, simply knowing how easily another can be hurt by being corrected is one step. Another for you is to always ask yourself, why a person might be acting a certain way.

If you had to live another persons life for a day, you might understand why some kid stole fruit at the farmers market, cus his only parent, mom is a drug addict and there is no food at home and he is starving. You don't call police and put that kid in jail. You find out why he stole and discover a mom who needs to go into drug rehab. treatment and get the professional help she needs while the state puts him either with relatives or in state foster care until Mom is deemed ready to have him back.

So let me give you a story of how much different your s tory could have gone. You already recognized a vital fact, that she is jealous. If you talk a lot about your new friends and keep telling her all the things you've done with them, how awesome and fun they are and giving all the details to that, you are basically focusing your talk only on the new friends instead of going over with her memories of the good times you had together, something that would make her feel better about herself. You could have wondered and /or asked if she has made any new friends. She may have, or not and be very lonely right now. Or she may be having troubles or issues with a new friend and needs someone to be a listening ear. Humans don't always need a solution from you, just your attention because half the time, as we tell our storys of woes or problems out loud, the answer will come to us. I really don't know how well you have been there for her at this hard transitional time of parting and having to make new friends. Maybe its easier for you than her.

So instead of going on the defense, which means you now have to pick a side, making either the old friend upset or the new friend upset for you not defending her, you dont defend at all. Heres how I would have said something and I'll make up some names like Hannah for old friend.
"Hannah, I heard what you said to Lisa. It reminds me of when I said something like that in a different situation, and the only reason I did it is because I felt jealous of my sister ( or put 'a friend') So I am wondering if maybe you're really jealous. Is it anything I am doing? Maybe I am not asking you enough questions about you or maybe I talk too much about my new friends or maybe you're having trouble finding new friends. I know they won't be anything like a replacement for what we had together as best friends but new friends can still be good friends. I guess I was lucky. So tell me, whats really going on for you Hannah. I want to be there for you as much as I can over the miles, even if just on the phone or in chat online."

Now if envious of what you have because she doesnt have it to distract her from the empty hole in her life when you had to leave, she might say that she is jealous and why do you have to talk about your new friends all the time. instead of a come back about how you dont always talk about them or saying something like that, you could answer, "Do I really talk about them that much? I'm sorry...it must make you miss me more and feel bad. Okay, I promise to not talk about them so much and I give you permission to tell me to stop if I actually do say too much about my new friends."

That hon, is problem solving. And its hard to teach you, you just have to be willing to be soft hearted, and care about others feelings, and always ready and willing to go the extra step to do something that might help a person feel better.

As already stated, do you prefer to be in the right or keep your old friend? Twice in my life with family when I had done nothing wrong, Mom misunderstood my reaction to her announcement, seemed I wasn't as boisterously excited as other meembers of the family...her first error...comparing me to others and not asking the distorted thougts that were on her mind. She stopped speaking to me for a long time like 6 months to a yr time frame. I was newly married but we worked at the same company and it was hurtful to have people notice. But after some tries to iniatiate contact, eventually she responded as if nothing had ever happened. The same happened when My dad took offense at free firewood he brought me...from a construction site with nails sticking out. Not only had we had a chimney fire but the company who cleaned our chimney told us to s top burning construction wood cus its treated with chemicals that make the chimney build up soot much faster. So I told him I couldn't accept the wood and to no longer bring it. He got so upset he stopped talking to me. No idea what he told my sister but she stopped talking to me, avoiding me for months. I again tried to be casual with phone calls and got hung up on or not answered at all.
One day as I called to tell her something funny my kid had done, she actually listened and laughed. And then carried on as if nothing happened. SHe never apologized. No one in the family had and family is as close as best friends so yes, it hurt...I was right but I was willing to bend and to mend the rift because those people were worth it to me, not the words of apology but how they showed it in how they treated me.

So its up to you to stubbornly hold on to your right to be Right and lose a friend, or to find ways to make amends. Apologize for calling her rude instead of seeing how much she was hurting and missing you still and may not have made friends. Or her new friends are a far cry from being as wonderful as friend as you were and still are. Its up to you dear, a chance to learn as I said in the beginning

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Ok so this happened recently my sister who is 3 years younger than I am walked in on me and saw me naked which to me being naked is normal and no big deal,so later after the initial shock of the encounter faded away I went to kind of say sorry to her for seeing me naked. She then said to me "You dont need to freak out over it you were just naked, you dont look bad either and frankly I thought you had a nice package too not overly big but nice and thick" should I feel like no big deal by her comments?

I would say to take that as a compliment and no big deal. Apparently, she is as cool as you are about it,feeling naked is normal and nothing to freak out about.

Yes, sometimes teen siblings of the opposite sex become very shy and private and afraid to be seen nude and once hormones have hit, don't know how to act around each other when their body may react in a way their minds and hearts don't want to.
I still remember the look of a younger brother seeing me and sis modeling our new nightgowns from Mom at christmas. His eyes bugged out, must have seen nipples thru the fabric. After that, we both wore robes around the house in evenings...simply because it made us feel uncomfortable as many teens feel at that age.

Since it didn't bother your sis, you don't have to do anything about it. Just interact with her as you normally would as if it never happened. Cus if you start to act all weird about it, it could frustrate her and get her thinking that you are mad at her for something or strain your relationship. So if you're a close knit family, you don't want that to happen.

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